CookiePretzel- hi! Prozac Withdrawal Introduction

[CookiePretzel]

@Adeeva78 ok you know what’s crazy, I will sometimes have days where I feel like I have a bladder infection or something. Like my bladder muscles are weak. I finally realized that sometimes I wake up in the night and all my muscles are clenched! My leg muscles and kegels. I think I inadvertently tired out my bladder muscles by accidentally engaging them in my sleep. it doesn’t happen as often now but I had that a lot March-May. 
 

What are your biggest symptoms now? I had PGAD really bad for 1-1.5 months, now it’s either really subtle or my libido is returning. It’s only occasionally though. A 10 day window is truly awesome!

[Adeeva78]

27 minutes ago, CookiePretzel said:

@Adeeva78 ok you know what’s crazy, I will sometimes have days where I feel like I have a bladder infection or something. Like my bladder muscles are weak. I finally realized that sometimes I wake up in the night and all my muscles are clenched! My leg muscles and kegels. I think I inadvertently tired out my bladder muscles by accidentally engaging them in my sleep. it doesn’t happen as often now but I had that a lot March-May. 
 

What are your biggest symptoms now? I had PGAD really bad for 1-1.5 months, now it’s either really subtle or my libido is returning. It’s only occasionally though. A 10 day window is truly awesome!

My biggest symptoms now are urinary issues on and off…disturbed sleep… I will go to bed around 10pm and then wake up at 2am and have a horrible time going back to sleep. Genital burning on and off and some mornings I will wake up having a sleep O and it will set my nerves off. I will have very light brain zaps still though not as intense as they were a few months ago.

 

mentally some days are great and others my OCD kicks my butt and it’s hard to get out of the negative thoughts. 
 

what about you? What are your biggest symptoms to date? I am 3.5 months off Prozac…

[CookiePretzel]

@Adeeva78 those are some tough symptoms! I’m sorry. 3.5 months is still early, my withdrawal didn’t even hit til 3 months. I truly hope you get some improvements soon! I’m really fortunate to have not had brain zaps like so many have. I can absolutely relate with rumination and the negative thoughts also. 
 

I’m really struggling with “fake hypoglycemia” it seems. I’ve used a glucometer and my blood sugar was perfectly normal. But if I don’t eat the right thing at the right time then I get shaky and my head gets spacey. It’s really miserable. I sat every 2 hour and I try to get a lot of calories in so my body has the strength to rebuild. That was huge for me, once I started eating more each day I felt less fragile and could do more which was nice. 
 

I can’t feel if I’m hungry or full. Some mornings my stomach feels empty but for the most part I seem to have lost those cues. It freaks me out because it doesn’t seem like a common symptom! I also have been losing my hair for 3 months now. 
 

So those are my biggest symptoms- hunger/ fullness cues, hair loss and hypoglycemic episodes. 

[CookiePretzel]

9 months off Prozac. Life is getting better!

 

Really hoping I don't jinx myself with this post, but I have seen a lot of improvement in the past month. 

 

Hair loss has slowed

 

Stomach issues- I still don't really ever feel full unless I drink water, but I can feel a bit hungry again.

 

Muscle twitches- still here but easy to ignore, same with muscle tension

 

Increased HR, shakiness, mild dizziness- I attribute all of this to what I thought was a blood sugar issue (and I suppose it is, as it can most often be fixed with eating something). But I found an academic paper/ journal that addressed this, and if I feel hypoglycemic I can ignore it as it's mostly my body overreacting to glucose. *Not a doctor* I still have some days where I seem more sensitive than other days, but for the most part it's been very freeing to not care about these symptoms. I've checked with a glucometer and my readings are always balanced, so I'm not worrying about this anymore, especially as it's been improving a bit.

 

Also recently noticed I'm sensitive to red food dye. Gave me anxiety and a headache.

 

I have finally accepted SSRI withdrawal. It took a LONG time. I thought I had SIBO. Eating disorder. Adrenal fatigue. Sometimes you have to stop Googling and just accept the situation for what it is.

 

I'm walking daily, up to a mile.

 

Having better windows; I attribute this to letting go of worrying over every symptom

 

Sleep is still improving, just really slowly

 

My resting heart rate is slowly coming down. 

 

Only had 7 or 8 mornings last month where I woke w tachycardia.

 

Since June 10th, a month ago, I had 8 days that I considered waves. I still can't believe it. 4 of those days were in a row, and only 1 of those days was scary, hopeless, crippling anxiety. I used to feel that way 2+ weeks at a time!!

 

I still take it pretty easy and don't do much. Besides my daily walk I care for my 2.5 and 5 year old, take 1-2 rest breaks daily and don't exert myself much. But I'm making dinner and going to the store by myself again. I just can't believe how much healing has happened in a month. I think a part of me could have done some of these things a month or so ago but I was too scared.

 

My mood is still heavily affected by my period, and my cycle is still short at 23 days. I wasn't terribly affected by ovulation this month though which I have been the past couple months.

 

It feels good to feel good and just be functional. I know it's crazy but I didn't think I would enjoy summer. I was ready to cancel camping reservations and not do anything outside. I had a wonderful 4th of July with neighbors and I've been loving watching my daughters play with their slip n slide and pool in the backyard. We're scheduled to go to Disney World in November and even though I'm still a bit nervous, I'm gaining more confidence and not wanting to cancel anymore.

 

9 months in! Closing in on 1 year med free!

 

[Adeeva78]

1 hour ago, CookiePretzel said:

9 months off Prozac. Life is getting better!

 

Really hoping I don't jinx myself with this post, but I have seen a lot of improvement in the past month. 

 

Hair loss has slowed

 

Stomach issues- I still don't really ever feel full unless I drink water, but I can feel a bit hungry again.

 

Muscle twitches- still here but easy to ignore, same with muscle tension

 

Increased HR, shakiness, mild dizziness- I attribute all of this to what I thought was a blood sugar issue (and I suppose it is, as it can most often be fixed with eating something). But I found an academic paper/ journal that addressed this, and if I feel hypoglycemic I can ignore it as it's mostly my body overreacting to glucose. *Not a doctor* I still have some days where I seem more sensitive than other days, but for the most part it's been very freeing to not care about these symptoms. I've checked with a glucometer and my readings are always balanced, so I'm not worrying about this anymore, especially as it's been improving a bit.

 

Also recently noticed I'm sensitive to red food dye. Gave me anxiety and a headache.

 

I have finally accepted SSRI withdrawal. It took a LONG time. I thought I had SIBO. Eating disorder. Adrenal fatigue. Sometimes you have to stop Googling and just accept the situation for what it is.

 

I'm walking daily, up to a mile.

 

Having better windows; I attribute this to letting go of worrying over every symptom

 

Sleep is still improving, just really slowly

 

My resting heart rate is slowly coming down. 

 

Only had 7 or 8 mornings last month where I woke w tachycardia.

 

Since June 10th, a month ago, I had 8 days that I considered waves. I still can't believe it. 4 of those days were in a row, and only 1 of those days was scary, hopeless, crippling anxiety. I used to feel that way 2+ weeks at a time!!

 

I still take it pretty easy and don't do much. Besides my daily walk I care for my 2.5 and 5 year old, take 1-2 rest breaks daily and don't exert myself much. But I'm making dinner and going to the store by myself again. I just can't believe how much healing has happened in a month. I think a part of me could have done some of these things a month or so ago but I was too scared.

 

My mood is still heavily affected by my period, and my cycle is still short at 23 days. I wasn't terribly affected by ovulation this month though which I have been the past couple months.

 

It feels good to feel good and just be functional. I know it's crazy but I didn't think I would enjoy summer. I was ready to cancel camping reservations and not do anything outside. I had a wonderful 4th of July with neighbors and I've been loving watching my daughters play with their slip n slide and pool in the backyard. We're scheduled to go to Disney World in November and even though I'm still a bit nervous, I'm gaining more confidence and not wanting to cancel anymore.

 

9 months in! Closing in on 1 year med free!

 

@CookiePretzel I am so happy to read your post!! It so great when experience days where you are able to function and do things you enjoy. For my it’s been about 4 months and some days are better than others! And good for you I’m not cancelling your Disney trip as I’m sure you’ll enjoy it!

[CookiePretzel]

[CookiePretzel]

I have had major improvement in waking up with my heart racing. A heart denotes waking from sleep with my heart racing and it needing 1-2 min to go back to normal. In June I woke to tachycardia 12 times, and in May it was 17. 
 

 

[Addax]

I am glad to read that you are noticing improvements and seeing progress! 

[CookiePretzel]

Thanks @Addax! I hope you’re doing well!

[CookiePretzel]

10 months off Prozac

 

I continue to see improvements, but also some slight setbacks. As you can see in the infographic I posted a few days back, I had a 5 day wave after my "9 months off" report. It was a little intense but not as bad as past waves. I then felt ok for a few days and then fell into an 8 day wave, and I think that was from overdoing it camping in the heat and then taking my kids to a water park. It was disappointing but the fact that I could go camping and to a water park with my family and only have a week-long wave after is pretty great! I wouldn't have dreamed I could do those things in early June! I also had the return of some symptoms I haven't had in months, like burning skin and 5-10 second long twitching. 

 

After that week long wave I had a glorious 9 day window- a record! I still had physical symptoms, and in fact they worsened a bit, but my attitude felt buoyant and hopeful. Now this is a blah week. Not a window nor a wave, I just feel calm. But that's super ok with me, as long as it's not panic or anxiety.

 

My major symptoms-

Sleep- It was getting better! I seem to average a 5-hour chunk and then I wake up calm and can easily fall back asleep. I started seeing 6-hour chunks and even a 7-hour chunk once, but now I'm in a bit of a sleep regression and can only sleep 4 hours at a time. I'm not too worried though, the sleep will come back. I also no longer need to go to the bathroom in the night. April-June I'd sometimes pee 3-5 times each night!

 

Tachycardia- I've only woken up to a racing heart 7 times since my last update. It was 11 times in my last update. 

 

Hair loss- Still happening. I think it's a bit less? It's up and down and hard to track.

 

Hunger/fullness cues- All of the place. My stomach growls in the morning semi-regularly. I had a couple days 2 weeks ago where my stomach growled a couple times throughout the day, and I even felt a preference for a snack or meal. It was amazing. I truly forgot what it felt like. But I also still have days where I have no sensation at all in my stomach, or I feel like a bottomless pit.

 

Shakiness- I can at least say it has dramatically improved since a few months ago. I thought it was completely tied to blood sugar issues, but there are times where I eat and it doesn't change at all. I looked back on my notes when I first started taking Prozac and in the early weeks I had sweating and shaking. So maybe it really is a nervous system issue and not endocrine as I assumed.

 

Dizziness- Comes and goes but seems less intense. I had a brief phase where it came on strongly whenever I ate. It can happen when I go from indoors to outside and vice versa. I'm trying some vestibular rehab exercising like standing on one foot to see if it improves in a couple months.

 

Resting heart rate- back to normal!

 

Hypoglycemic episodes- I think these have mostly ended. 

 

Walking- 1.5 miles daily

 

And a handful of other symptoms that don't really bother me- runny nose in the morning, twitching, head pressure, burning spot on foot, eye floaters, clumsy hands, bad memory. Also my body acne is mostly better but I'm still covered in dots from where it was back in June.

 

It's all improving. It just takes a dang long time. I still rest a lot. It gets me down sometimes, but I think back to the spring when I was resting all day and I was so obsessed and anxious and miserable I couldn't do anything on my phone. Now I can play games, read, scroll IG etc. 

 

I've been working hard to change my attitude. Anxiety coping mechanisms. I have a bad habit of falling down the rabbit holes and spiraling and I'm truly trying to nip those in the bud. As I mentioned last month I have finally reached a place of acceptance which has been incredibly helpful, but I can still have anxious moments where things feel a bit out of control or never ending. I'm going to keep working on it!

 

I think my baseline has truly improved. Lately my waves have been manageable. My symptoms don't bother me as much. I still have my sights set on Disney World in 3 months, of course I would only attempt a couple hours of activity each day, and probably a rest day or two in there. But I'm hopeful and don't want to cancel my daughters' trip.

 

I finally feel like I can talk about other things besides withdrawal which is nice. Feels like I got my mind back a bit. I know I still have hard days ahead of me, surely, but for now I'm appreciating the improvements and feeling optimistic for moving forward.

[CookiePretzel]

More window days than July! Some of those windows were what I’d call “dirty windows”. It might not have been a perfect day, or maybe I had withdrawal on my mind a bunch, but it was far from a bad wave. Hoping to see even more windows in September

[CookiePretzel]

11 months off Prozac

 

My major symptoms-

Sleep- Fine, very satisfactory. I sleep 7-8 hours each night, I fall asleep easily, and even though I was up at least once in the night, I'm calm and can usually get back to sleep easily. There might be a night or two where my mind is dwelling on withdrawal. But the complaint these days is, "I wonder when this will end", instead of "this will never end". That's really big mental progress for me.

 

Tachycardia- I have not woken to my heart racing since August 18th. There was one night I woke and thought my heart might be beating a bit quick, but it wasn't beating hard enough to feel, I was sleepy and just went back to bed. Not tachycardia, but sometimes between 8-11am my heart will beat a bit hard. It worries me but I can ignore it decently.

 

Hair loss- Still happening. I think it's a bit less? It's up and down and hard to track.

 

Hunger/fullness cues- All over the place. I have days where I don't feel full all day and days where I don't feel hungry all day. I just aim for 2,000ish calories a day and I'm happy with that. Enough fuel to care for my fam, go on my daily walk and hopefully heal my body. I got a Daily Harvest subscription and have a healthy smoothie of fruits and veggies every morning. 

 

Shakiness- Improvement!!! Oh my gosh I'm so happy. Around mid August I had a 4 day stretch of no shaky hands or feet. I so desperately wanted it to be gone for good but I knew if I could go 4 days shake-free, it could happen again. I'm currently on day 5 of no shakiness and even though it will likely return, I have no doubt there will be more shake-free days in a couple weeks.

 

Dizziness- Similar to the shakiness- I had 4 days of no dizziness and then it slowly returned. I have definitely realized white lights amplify or cause it. It happens a lot when cooking in my kitchen or when I walk into Target or any grocery store.

 

Hypoglycemic episodes- I was pretty sure w my last update that these issues had ended, and now I can confirm I don't have any hypoglycemic issues.

 

My menstrual cycle is still 25 days long. Looking forward to it being 27-28 days, as I feel that's an indicator of my hormones better regulating.

 

Other symptoms that don't bother me much but are still present- twitching (though less often), burning skin (though haven't had it for 2 days!), dry skin, runny nose, bloodshot eyes, looping songs, childhood memories, intrusive thoughts, tinnitus, air hunger, cough, eye floaties and watery eyes. I might experience these things occasionally, but not 24/7 anymore. 

 

And of course good ol anxiety and depression. It's getting easier to manage and it's more annoying now than overwhelming and scary. If I'm a few days into a wave I just grow tired of the self talk (this will pass! this isn't a big deal! spring was so much worse!). It almost seems like waves are more difficult now because the windows are so much better. Even though the waves don't hit as hard, it's like I'm losing my patience for dealing with them.

 

I can also walk 2 miles! I usually only have time for 1.5-1.8ish though.

 

I'm really struggling with food sensitivities. The biggest reaction I've had is red food dye. Other colors don't seem to affect me but I mostly avoid all dyes. I'm not sure if I react to artificial flavoring. I thought I had a bad reaction once but it could have also been a waving already coming on. It makes me a little neurotic about what foods I can eat. Sugar seems to have no affect on me. I'll have desserts with my daughters and feel perfectly fine as long as it doesn't have food coloring.

 

I rest A LOT. I'll get up, get everyone breakfast and out the door for school, walk and then rest. Get my preschooler from school, make her lunch and lay her down for a nap and rest. Get my kindergartener and rest. Make dinner and get everyone ready for bed and rest til I go to sleep. I have days where I do a lot, taking kids to activities, errands, time with friends. I just try to space those days out and rest before and after.

 

I live with a lot of limitations, but I'm happy. I'd love to try some weak decaf coffee soon.

 

I am also very blessed to have connected with someone on these forums and I now consider them one of my best friends. We email most days about how we are doing. My husband is always there for me, but this person truly knows what I am going through and is my rock, bff and I'm so sad they are experiencing withdrawal but also beyond thankful for their presence in my life. I don't want to embarrass them but I don't know how I would have made it through my worst days without them.

 

Things are mostly positive but I still have bad days. I still get angry or sad or it feels never ending. I find myself still trying to forecast when I'll consider myself better. I still get freaked out when I think about my worst days this past March-June and very sad when I think about my excitement when I stopped taking Prozac last October. If only I knew what lay ahead. But that's in the past! I miss running, and I miss my job. I have a couple small work assignment this month, but I'm very hopeful to return to work next year.

 

Next stop- one year off! I'll be back in a month!

[CookiePretzel]

ONE YEAR OFF PROZAC

 

I did it!

 

Wow. Wow wow wow. I didn't think I'd ever make it. I'm not completely healed or anything but this is an accomplishment and I am celebrating. It's not lost on me that today is also World Mental Health Day. I did not know or plan that when I jumped last year.

 

To recap, I took Prozac 20mg March 2021-May 2022. I spent May 2022 switching from pill to liquid Prozac. Then June-mid October 2022 I tapered. Felt great for a couple months, then started being very moody, then around 3 months off the panic and anxiety came in windows and waves, things really escalated in March, I spent April in bed, May and June were bad but not getting worse. July-present I have been slowly improving. I've had days with no symptoms which felt incredible. I'd say since late August (10.5 months off) I've really been functional and don't really hold back, but I'm also not out here trying to run or lift weights. I'm very content just caring for my 2.5 and 5 year old, going for a 2.5 mile daily walk, caring for my house and spending time with my husband.

 

I even worked a couple days last month! I'm a wedding coordinator and officiant and it's a very physical job. I officiated one wedding and coordinated for a few hours only- I showed up in the morning to set up the reception space, and then I showed up in the evening to tear down and package up rentals for pick up. This week I'll also begin recording my podcast again.

 

I'm actually in a wave right now which is VERY anticlimactic for my one year anniversary, lol. But it's not the worst! The waves don't hit as hard as they used to. More often than not, I have extended waves where I just feel blah. No panic or anxiety, but I just don't feel great about anything. I get more annoyed or frustrated than scared or sad. I suppose that's preferable.

 

Ok, so how things have been lately: actually really good. Despite being in a wave now, I only had two wave days in September. TWO. Not all those window days were perfect but I had hardly any anxiety last month and it was incredible. Right now I feel like my nervous system is doing well (less shaking, twitching and dizziness) but my endocrine system is on the struggle bus (lots of hair loss, my monthly cycle can't seem to get past the 25 day mark, I don't feel hungry or full, and I have some sugar sensitivity which felt completely gone last month). I can't remember if I wrote about it but in July I felt the opposite- my endocrine problems took a big leap in improvement and then I got slammed with the shaking/ dizziness and twitching. So I suppose they're just taking turns with repairs.

 

The biggest improvement in the past month is I have stopped obsessively journaling every detail of every symptom. This is a REALLY good thing for me mentally. It used to take something like 25 minutes every evening to document every twitch, shake and dizzy spell. So unfortunately I have a bit less data, but I'm happier and thinking about withdrawal less. 

 

My major symptoms-

Sleep- I had a week where I had trouble falling asleep. And I can have trouble falling back asleep if I wake in the night. But that's usually my cat waking me, not my body. And when I say I have trouble falling back asleep, it takes 20 minutes or so. Not hours like before.

 

Tachycardia- Since August 18th I've woken to tachycardia twice, both times in mid September. It was the evening after trying 4oz of Swiss water processed (aka no chemicals) decaf coffee. I actually don't believe it was the coffee, I think it was that I came down with a cold. Maybe both? Who knows, but I'm not afraid to try again soon, just not now while I'm feeling wavy.

 

I also had sushi again, which used to put me in a wave, and I felt fine after. 

 

Hair loss- Still happening. I won't lie, it gets me down. It's not the vanity of it or anything, I guess it's just a blatant reminder I'm still pretty broken. Also with the weather cooling down in Seattle, my head is cold! I took my thick hair for granted!

 

Hunger/fullness cues- All over the place still. Not too much to say here.

 

Shakiness- Last update I think I reported a 4 or 5 day stretch of no shakes. Today is day 8 of no shaking! It's glorious. Truly.

 

Dizziness- I do still get dizzy. It's not bad but it happens.

 

Hypoglycemic episodes- I thought I was done with this! I can't remember what I had recently but soon after I felt a little floaty/dizzy. It wasn't bad at all though, and it hasn't happened since.

 

My menstrual cycle is still 25 days long. Looking forward to it being 27-28 days, as I feel that's an indicator of my hormones better regulating.

 

Symptoms that seem at least 90-95% resolved: twitching, burning skin, runny nose, dry skin, intrusive thoughts

 

Other symptoms that don't bother me much but are still present- bloodshot eyes, looping songs, childhood memories, tinnitus, air hunger, cough, eye floaties and watery eyes. I might experience these things occasionally, but not 24/7 anymore. 

 

I do get easily agitated these days, and take things personally. I know it will pass. This was actually one of my first symptoms way back when I first jumped.

 

Still cautious with food sensitivities. It was improving but since my symptoms have flipped and I'm dealing with my endocrine issues, this has seemed to worsen a bit.

 

I still rest a lot. Maybe a little less than my last update, but 1-3pm I'm still on the couch, resting or napping.

 

I've also been gaining weight like crazy.

 

I still enjoy talking with Michael from The Lovely Grind and if anyone wants someone to talk to about withdrawal I HIGHLY recommend him.

 

Really the only thing I'm stressed about these days are getting sick. I really don't want anything to hinder my healing, and I have a preschooler and kindergartener that bring all sorts of germs home. 

 

My biggest accomplishment this past month is that my husband went to Japan for 10 days! It was just me home with the kids, and it was fine! I felt burnt out some evenings, tired of kids crawling on me and frustrated sometimes but withdrawal didn't affect me and I'm so happy he got to go on his trip. He was supposed to go last spring but had to cancel because I felt so bad.

 

Yes, I'm disappointed withdrawal is still a part of my life. But it's shrinking. Time passes quickly again. The good days far outweigh the bad. It takes time, but I know I'm going to be ok. Onward and upward!

[Addax]

Such a wonderful update! It sucks you’re dealing with a wave, and that withdrawal is still part of your life, but what great progress in a year! 

Wow wow wow wow is right! 😊

[Angus]

This is awesome!!! Congrats on a year drug free!! I hope that your wave is very short and you have continued healing/progress in the days ahead.:)

[CookiePretzel]

I’m looking for encouragement as I navigate this wave. My daughter had strep throat last week. I didn’t get it but I’m wondering if my body was exposed to it and fought it off successfully, and that may have left me with symptoms?

 

Since she was diagnosed, about a day later I got hit with bad symptoms I haven’t experienced in at least 3 months. Hair loss, food sensitivities, intense dreams, head pressure, insomnia, and depression and anxiety. Lots of hormonal/endocrine issues. 
 

I was doing so well! I’ve had waves but they haven’t hit this hard in months. This is day 6. I was hoping someone had a similar experience? I’m incredibly discouraged and feel stuck and hopeless right now. 

[Angus]

@CookiePretzelI’m so sorry to hear this! I am going to be praying that this wave subsides and you return to your windows of healing. 💗💗 This is understandably very discouraging. I trust that it’s just a bad wave and everything will pass 💕.

Angus

[Jennings]

Sorry you feel this way, you just hit a big wave.  It's terrible because when you're doing better and than you drop back down it feels like you'll always be this way.  

 

You got through it before and you'll get through it again.  

 

I have faith in you.

[CookiePretzel]

@Angus @Jennings hey! Thank you so much for the reassurance and I’m sorry I didn’t have the mental capacity to get back to you guys sooner. I just had to white knuckle through a lot of the day yesterday. Of course when I felt my worst I was in charge of hosting my daughter’s Camp Fire meeting and activity yesterday. But it went well!

 

I’m feeling a bit better today! I still have the anxiety and my vision is a bit off but I’m hopeful tomorrow can be even better than today. I’m taking it easy today in hopes some extra rest will help me out. 

[Angus]

So glad you were able to power through the day!! Hoping that everything continues to lessen💕

[CookiePretzel]

It’s been a bumpy 12 days.
 

10/20 wave

10/21 wave

10/22 wave

10/23 wave

10/24 wave

10/25 wave

10/26 slight window

10/27 wave

10/28 light wave

10/29 wave

10/30 slight window

 

For the most part all the other symptoms that flared up have left (headache, head pressure, clenched jaw, twitching, no appetite), I’m just dealing with anxiety and trouble sleeping now. The trouble sleeping isn’t too bad, I know that comes and goes. But I’m so disappointed to have morning anxiety again. It seems my nervous system symptoms are taking a backseat and my endocrine symptoms are flaring.
 

Any guess if it’s just a wave, or because I was exposed to my sick kids? (Even though I didn’t get sick but my body probably fought off the germs??)

 

I also lost a ton of hair the past two showers. I went 36 days with 3 wave days before this. I’m so desperate to feel ok again! This low level yet constant anxiety is killer, I’m just teetering on the cusp of a window but it’s out of reach! This is one of my longest waves since coming out of acute. I’d love advice or encouragement. 

[Angus]

@CookiePretzel I don’t have the experience to give specific feedback but from other’s threads this seems like a wave or normal blip. Sending you healing thoughts😊😊. You got this!

Angus

[Addax]

On 10/26/2023 at 2:24 PM, CookiePretzel said:

I’m feeling a bit better today! I still have the anxiety and my vision is a bit off but I’m hopeful tomorrow can be even better than today. I’m taking it easy today in hopes some extra rest will help me out. 

I am sorry you were hit by a wave, but glad you are feeling better.
 

I wouldn’t be surprised if your theory about the wave being caused by your immune system fighting off the infection. Fighting infections, illness, what have you, is a lot of stress on the body, and as you know, during withdrawal and while healing from it, our bodies kind of over react to mental and physical stress, including illness and injuries.  Our nervous system reads stress as stress, regardless of the cause, and cortisol (the stress hormone) will be produced. That’s part of the reason that strenuous exercise can be contraindicated for being tapering and in withdrawal - It causes an increase in cortisol production, which is normal and good… except in withdrawal, when we are sensitized to stress, it can muck things up for us. 
 

Taking it easy, being kind to yourself, and getting rest sounds like a great idea. 

[CookiePretzel]

@Addax thank you so much for the reassurance! I really do think my body was taxed, it was right when my daughter came down with strep. I’m still slowly, slowly getting out of this wave. I try to remind myself it’s better than dealing with strep and antibiotics and all of that!

 

I’m sure it’s just the anxiety talking but it does worry me for the upcoming fall and winter. I have a 2 and 5 year old and my 5 year old has already been sick twice this school year. I know I can only do my best, wash my hands and mask up when I’m at her school, but I worry I’ll be fighting off germs all winter. Also we leave for Disney World today! I want to be excited but it’s the germ capital of the universe. 
 

Thank you again for the kind words and advice! I hope you’re doing well!

[Addax]

My friends who have children talk a lot about school being a germ factory. As if parenting isn’t stressful enough.
 

Fighting off colds, stomach bugs, and the icky things kids bring home from school are likely much less taxing on the body than strep (in combination with worrying about getting strep), and your body has probably been doing since school started, and you haven’t even noticed. And if you do catch a cold or something, I’ll bet you’ll be fine, aside from the runny nose or usual symptoms of a cold. Just be kind to yourself, and remember to rest. Heck, as a society, we need to be reminded it’s okay to rest. So if you catch a cold, even if you can function fine with a runny nose and a pocket of tissues, let it be your reminder to rest.

 

Enjoy Disney!!!

[CookiePretzel]

@Addax Apologies for the delay, I was out of town and had such a great time I forgot about SA! I never thought I'd see the day. I really appreciate your insight and it brings me a lot of comfort. My daughter is keeping things interesting in our house- she caught RSV at Disney World! Ugh! I'm having some very mild symptoms but it could also be from my almost 2 week long vacation. But hanging in there!

[CookiePretzel]

13 Months off Prozac

 

And just like that, I'm a month out from my 1 year anniversary. It was a hefty month though. I think during my last update I was in a mild wave. That passed in 3-4 days and was uneventful, I just felt down. Then a week or so later my daughter tested positive for strep. As you can see from my last couple posts, I don't know if I caught it or fought it off but one way or other my body was super taxed. I had a 12 day wave with some pretty intense anxiety and depression. I'd have a few rough days, and then a decent day, and then plunged back under for a couple more dark days. Oof, it really felt never ending.

 

It lasted right up until the morning of our trip to Disney World. I'm guessing the travel day kept me preoccupied, but I had all windows on our trip! Every day was pretty great! I had some symptoms here and there- some fluorescent lights made me dizzy, I ate something that gave me a brief headache, I woke up 2 nights with tachycardia. But I walked 48 miles in a week, rode rides and had the time of my life. It was incredible. I dreaded this trip all year and it was amazing. 

 

Literally as we left Orlando things took a turn. My daughter developed a gnarly cough. She got sick during our flight, and another boy a couple rows up from me got terribly sick on the flight. It really kicked up my anxiety. My brain felt tingly, I got hot and my heart was beating fast. Longest flight of my life but we survived! I wonder if that anxiety is also the cause for my mini wave now.

 

Anyway both my daughters tested positive for RSV. I have a very slight cough but no discomfort from being sick. I'm ready to be done with illnesses. Hopefully my kids are better in a week or so.

 

So that's how the past month has been! As for symptoms...

 

My major symptoms-

Sleep- For the first time since January I slept 8 hours last night. I think it's because I'm isolating from my fam and was alone in a dark room. I did have 1 brief wakeup I barely remember, but I went right back to sleep. Besides last night, sleep has been mostly good. It was spotty during my wave but that's to be expected. I'm consistently sleeping at least a 5-6 hour chunk, even in a wave. Sometimes 7. 

 

Tachycardia- Since my 12 month update I've woken to my heart racing 7 times. BOO!!!! 5 of those times was during my bad wave. Two of them were during my vacation last week. I have no idea why it happened, but oh well.

 

Hair loss- I feel like it's getting worse now. Possibly because of these illnesses I'm fighting off. But it stresses me out. I'd say it's been happening since late April, so almost 7 months? That seems so long to deal with stress hair loss. A lot falls out when I shower, and a lot comes out when I brush out my tangles. Trying not to worry about it but it's just a reminder withdrawal still looms over me!

 

Hunger/fullness cues- This got better but again, when I was in my bad wave I was either starving all day or didn't want to eat all day.

 

Shakiness- A lot of improvement! I went 27 days with no shaking, with the exception that I had a shaky leg a bit when I woke one morning. Basically all of October was shake-free. I haven't had any bad shakiness this month, it's been pretty mild.

 

Dizziness- I had a nice 11 day stretch of no dizziness in October, and then with my wave some dizziness returned. Mainly just white light sensitivity. Like the shakiness, any dizziness I've had has been pretty mild.

 

Hypoglycemic episodes- I still call this mostly over and done with thankfully. I had some food sensitivities during my last bad wave but I don't think I had hypoglycemic episodes.

 

My menstrual cycle is still 25 days long. Last month I had a lot of spotting so it was hard to tell if it was a 24 or 25 day cycle.

 

Other symptoms that don't bother me much but are still present- bloodshot eyes, looping songs, childhood memories, tinnitus, air hunger, cough, eye floaties and watery eyes. I might experience these things occasionally, but not 24/7 anymore. 

 

I think that's everything. I'm hopeful once my household gets past these illnesses and I rest from vacation that I will see some glorious healing!

 

My trip to Disney World was amazing. We were there for 10 days plus travel days. My daughters were so happy to ride rides, swim, meet characters and eat ice cream. I'm SO glad I didn't cancel the trip. It filled me with hope for whenever we all vacation next! I should only feel better and better.

 

Also, if you're reading this I'm incredibly proud of you. What a crappy situation to be in. This withdrawal business is so unfair and we shouldn't have to deal with it, but I do believe now and more and more as the days pass, that it is temporary! We get better, and we do get our lives back!

[Angus]

@CookiePretzelIt sounds like you had an amazing trip and are experiencing continued healing!! Wonderful news and update!!! It gives me hope that recovery and life beyond this is possible🌸. Thank you for sharing and I hope your window stays wide open😊.

Angus

[CookiePretzel]

Thanks @Angus! It was truly the trip of a lifetime! How are you doing?

[Angus]

@CookiePretzelI’m hanging on..still hoping to stabilize so I can begin my taper. Stay well and I hope your kiddos get better soon!

[CookiePretzel]

15 Months off Prozac

 

Time just keeps on chugging along and I’m doing well. I still improve. I didn’t post a 14 month update because I feel like I don’t see much difference from month to month.

 

November 10th was my last update. It was a tense month. Not bad just up and down. My kids kept taking turns being sick and I really worried about getting sick. And I did get sick! And it wasn’t the worst. I had a few days of feeling “wavy” around Thanksgiving, and as that was happening I developed cold symptoms. A sore throat, and a few days later a runny, snuffy nose. Ran its course in 10 days. And mentally I was ok while sick! The worst part was really just the lack of sleep, couldn’t get comfortable all stuffed up.

 

December was glorious. I felt great almost the whole month. I did lots of fun holiday things with my family. I got gutsy and ate things I don’t normally eat. It was a really wonderful month. I even elected to have my first orgasm since last March when I had a panic attack after (I’m not counting the sleep orgasms I had this summer). Nothing bad happened after. Unrelated, I did fall into a wave at the end of the month though. Almost right after Christmas on December 27th I felt my optimism slipping. It could have been because I tried decaf coffee, or power walked and noticed my heart rate pretty high. That wave lasted a while, about 10 days. But it was VERY manageable. It mostly didn’t feel like a window or a wave, I just felt like I could be happier. The most frustrating part was that it was very up and down- one day I felt like I was coming out of it, the next day I felt plunged back under. Also all my food sensitivities flared up. So that was frustrating. But I’ve been in a nice window ever since!

 

The best news I have to report, and I’ve been waiting 8.5 months to say this- MY HAIR LOSS HAS STOPPED. COMPLETELY! It’s just over. My hair doesn’t fall out anymore. I never thought I’d see the day. Once I went two weeks without hair loss I treated myself to a haircut with scalp massage. It was glorious. GLORIOUS.

 

That’s been life lately. On to the symptoms:

 

My major symptoms-

Sleep- Two months ago I said I was consistently sleeping at least a 5-6 hour chunk, and now I’m always getting at least 6 hours. Before my wave I had a bunch of 7 hour nights thrown in there. Yay! I can also get back to sleep easily when I wake after 6 hours. I’m honestly satisfied with this and any additional healing is icing on the cake.

 

Tachycardia- Once in December, twice in January during my wave. Can’t wait to kick that one to the curb, but I’m fine with the infrequency

 

Hair loss- THING OF THE PAST BABY

 

Hunger/fullness cues- It’s getting hard to tell. It seems fine and then depending on my menstrual cycle, I’ll notice some days I’m ravenous and some days I have no appetite. Continuing to improve very slowly.

 

Shakiness- Still seeing very slow improvement. I didn’t get a good long stretch of shake-free days like I did in October, but more often than not I have no shakiness or trembling. Incredibly mild when it does happen and now it’s hands only- it’s been months since my legs were shaky.

 

Dizziness- Had a nice 2 week stretch of no dizziness! And then it’s choppy, a few days of no dizziness and then a couple dizzy days here and there. Again, much more manageable.

 

Hypoglycemic/food sensitivity episodes- Still no blood sugar issues but my food sensitivity really ramped up during my last wave and now I’m afraid to eat a lot of things. Spinach really fires up my facial flushing and anxiety. It still baffles me that I can eat at McDonald’s no problem but adding spinach to my smoothie makes me feel awful. Since my wave is over some of my sensitivities have probably calmed down but I’m always afraid to test it.

 

My menstrual cycle is stuck at 24 days. It was 25 for a couple months and lately it’s just 24. Frustrating.

 

Couple new symptoms popped up- during my last wave I had hyper salivation. Anyone else deal with that?! I had to have a spitoon! I also have had neck pain for about a month now. Just one side, it started near my shoulder and now it’s more at the base of my skull. I didn’t injure myself or anything.

 

 

It still baffles me how much a wave can tank my optimism. But I’m in a window now and here to make sure you all remember this is temporary! This is not your forever! I’m 457 days Prozac free and life keeps getting better and better. Til next time!

[Rudbeckie17]

Wow @CookiePretzel! It is great! I'm so happy for you that everything is starting to go better! It’s great that you had a beautiful December! Take care of you! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[CookiePretzel]

16.5 Months off Prozac

(I’m closer to 17 months off now.)

 

I last updated January 10th. I actually had a pretty good January eventually. The first week or two was up and down. Not even that bad, my anxiety is nowhere nearly as bad as spring ’23, but it was just annoying to not feel great.

 

The most annoying part of January was my clenching muscles! I woke up with my whole body flexed. I constantly felt on the verge of peeing my pants and had that UTI feeling (which we all know is NOT a UTI!). The UTI fakeout was really frustrating and distracting. Thankfully it passed, came back but less intense, and has since passed. I also had 4-6 days of constant muscle twitches in my leg and eye, which hadn’t happened in months. I also had one day where my left ear was completely clogged/ blocked. But then it was gone the next day. Phew.

 

February was a good month. I worked my first wedding of the year, as both a coordinator and an officiant. I don’t have any more weddings until May.

 

I had a 3ish day wave with heightened food sensitivity and worrying. And that was it. More of a ripple really. It was gone and didn’t bother me anymore. I also had a cold for a few days and that didn’t cause a wave. I’ve felt pretty great since then and that was around February 10th-12th. The past few days I’ve felt lethargic/ not really motivated, but I can deal with that. And some on and off intrusive thoughts.

 

That’s been life lately. On to the symptoms:

 

My major symptoms-

Sleep- I always get 6-6.5 hours of sleep now. Super satisfied. Usually my cat wakes me, I get up and pee, then sleep for another hour or two.

 

Tachycardia- No tach since 1/22

 

Hair loss- STILL A THING OF THE PAST BABY

 

Hunger/fullness cues- My eating has really become more normal. I do get kind of neurotic about it when I have food sensitivities. But I’m not obsessively calorie counting anymore and pretty much just eat when I feel like it.

 

Shakiness- I’ve had a handful of days where I barely had a little tremble when reaching for something. And that doesn’t bother me!

 

Dizziness- Same as the shakiness, I’ve had a few days where my perception felt off but it’s so imperceptible I don’t really notice or care. I used to want to fall over when I’d walk into a store like Target because the lighting made me so dizzy. That doesn’t happen and hasn’t happened for months now.

 

Hypoglycemic/food sensitivity episodes- I think I’m past the hypoglycemic episodes. Sugar never gave me a wave but it would make me dizzy. I still avoid spinach like the plague. I still avoid food coloring, red40 in particular because it gave me such bad anxiety last summer. But I tested the waters with artificial flavoring this month (Girl Scout cookies) and I had no reaction at all. This has led to me eating more than my fair share of cookies, heh.

 

My menstrual cycle is finally improving! It’s a miracle. My last cycle was 24.5-25 days long.

 

New symptoms- For just one day I had rectal pain. It was awful. Luckily the hyper salivation went away and the neck pain has lessened, but still present if I turn my head just so.

 

So there you have it. I’ll probably update when I hit 18 months off. I’m now 509 days Prozac free. I read journal entries from a year ago and it broke my heart. I forgot how bad I suffered. I’ve been through so much. I mean, we all have.

 

I really do live a pretty normal life these days. I still don’t drink caffeine or alcohol and I don’t exercise more than a daily mild walk, but I take care of my 2 young kids, my house, I work, I’m active with my daughter’s school’s PTA and Camp Fire troop. I truly dreamt of being able to do these things. I don’t live in complete freedom, and I get nervous when I don’t get a wave because I’m convinced one is about to hit me, but I do have a lot of freedom these days.

 

We will be ok. We can do hard things.

 

See you at a year and a half off!

[CookiePretzel]

I would also like to apologize to those who sent me a message and I didn't get back to them for quite a while. I went a month without visiting this site which is really impressive for me, I used to be on here daily!

[Angus]

@CookiePretzelI am so excited to hear about all your healing🌸🌸😊. What a wonderful update!!

[Patient2022]

@CookiePretzel Congrats on getting this far 😊