LukeUK: Remeron/Mirtazapine Severe Withdrawal

[Erimus]

41 minutes ago, LukeUK said:

I appreciate what you're trying to say, but not everybody heals from PSSD. I'm in support groups with people who have had it for years, including those who have had it for 1-2 decades. That is not a life worth living.

I'd suggest you stop reading and visiting those support groups that offer nothing but misery, it's the last thing we need. The best thing you could do in recovery from this is not go online at all, but given that is unlikely you have to limit yourself to the positive stuff.

 

43 minutes ago, LukeUK said:

I do read the success stories. Many of them heal over the course of years and were able to continue working in the acute phase despite having been drugged for years, have partners, continue to exercise and distract themselves with hobbies. When they heal, their life is still there. I took one drug for relatively little time at all, and am not at the level of ability many of those success stories had in their acute phases after being off it for double the time I used it, and my old life is gone. Often these success stories make me feel even more hopeless. I had an adverse reaction to being on the medication and stayed on it for too long, and then tapered way too quickly, and by the time I realised this the damage was done.

Comparison is the thief of joy. All you need to take from the success stories is the fact that they recovered, it doesn't matter how long or by how much they suffered, simply that they healed.

[LukeUK]

On 2/26/2024 at 3:02 PM, Erimus said:

I'd suggest you stop reading and visiting those support groups that offer nothing but misery, it's the last thing we need. The best thing you could do in recovery from this is not go online at all, but given that is unlikely you have to limit yourself to the positive stuff.

 

Comparison is the thief of joy. All you need to take from the success stories is the fact that they recovered, it doesn't matter how long or by how much they suffered, simply that they healed.

 

It is not "offering misery" to note that not everyone fully recovers. This is a medical condition. I have had to research for myself what my prognosis is and what my chances for recovery are, as this is something that medical professionals do not do for psychiatric drug harms. I deserve clear and accurate information on this.

 

Note that I do not feel joy, so I cannot lose it.

[LukeUK]

Please have a look at this topic that I started:

The truth about these drugs is actively being hidden even when adverse effects are reported.

 

 

In other news, I'm still in hell, still experiencing acute suffering. I've had windows where the suffering has been less (but not absent), and  on average I am marginally more functional than I was 6 months ago.

 

I still feel unwell and exhausted all the time. I am still not capable of looking after myself, much less working. My career is destroyed. Most of my friends have abandoned me and I do not hear from them, even though I do not discuss being ill, as is often experienced by chronic illness sufferers. This is chronic illness. My life is totally destroyed. I still have entire weeks where I am extremely physically ill in bed. Ontop of this, the majority of the time I have severe anhedonia and can only experience despair. I do not even feel anxiety, just an intense physical stress. I also still have sexual dysfunction.

 

I'm human enough to suffer intensely, but I don't have much more humanity than that- the rest has been destroyed.

[Antecedent]

How is you fatigue? Any change?

[LukeUK]

On 4/9/2024 at 4:38 PM, Antecedent said:

How is you fatigue? Any change?

 

Much better than it was. I am no longer physically debilitated much, but I feel bad, tired, hungover etc. most of the time.

[LukeUK]

I haven't had any time where I've been bedridden since mid-March.

 

There have been lots of ups and downs, but I have been doing lots of walking, and am generally not physically debilitated. I do however, feel very tired and physically run down often. I have had windows from this though, and during these I've felt close to myself mentally.

 

The anhedonia has improved, and I don't really feel nothing. However, often at the same time as feeling tired, I feel very physically stressed and these times are difficult.

 

It often feels like the symptoms trade for others ie. anhedonia and bluntedness gives way to sometimes feeling very stressed physically, however it is important for me to remember that I felt like that almost constantly previously. I try also to remember that I've had probably upwards of 100 symptoms from total dysregulation, whereas now I have few, and the main one is just feeling really tired and run down, down and stressed. My sleep also isn't great, but improved. It's very much still the case that the physical symptoms are the worst. 5 months ago I went to hospital because of them during an extreme wave. I would say in recent months new symptoms have developed and then gone away again, such as constant, extreme and unquenchable thirst, and sugar cravings.

 

I do not drink alcohol, and generally I do not eat a specific diet but I avoid processed foods and drinks ie. I don't really even have diet coke etc. I stick to natural ingredients where I can, including using natural soap etc. I do have some caffeine and can tolerate it okay now, but I don't have much and keep it to the mornings. Also, for a number of months I have been taking 0 supplements.

 

It feels as though one of the major things my body is grapping with is the sleep/wake cycle. Earlier on in WD, during better periods my sleep would become much lighter and I'd barely get a few hours, and during worse periods I'd sleep more deeply but be far more blunted, impaired, exhausted and sick in the day time. It's almost as if the balance of being unconscious at night and awake and alert and functioning in the daytime was totally off. This has evened out a lot now, however I still feel that sleep is key as some nights are not as bad as others, and there seems to still be some kind of pattern to it. The sleep is still a bit fitful, with stressful dreams, and I often still wake up at 4am although usually I can fall back asleep until 5:30-6 lately. I try to be disciplined about going to bed on time, otherwise it is very punishing if I wake up at 4 and do not fall back asleep. I also notice that if I let my blood sugar drop, I start feeling worse very quickly.

 

I am trying to hope that I have turned a corner, and that in the coming months my "average" will continue to improve a lot. I hope that I have more okay days. The days where I am very tired and feel physically stressed are very hard though, it is very difficult when you're physically poor. I've passed a full year off of drugs now, which considering I took them for 4 months and then a 1 month taper is a long time. I try to take encouragement from the fact that many do seem to start turning a corner and seeing light at the end of the tunnel after a year.