Koala: Hello - I am very pleased I have found you

[koala]

Thanks for your message Getofflex. Great to see you've been off escitalopram for more than a year now - well done - having used a gradual but linear taper. I hope this worked okay and I hope that you're now doing well apart from the insomnia.

 

Thank you for your encouragement. There is much that I can be grateful for about the last 6-7 weeks, including that I have been able to carry the financial loss of not working much during that time. I am well aware not everyone can do that.

 

And yes, I have done lots of walking. Vigorous exercise has felt like too much, but walking has been good. I am grateful that I live not that far from an urban river with some long walking paths and green space. While walking I have often listened to podcasts and talks that I have found supportive, had long telephone chats with a small number of supportive friends or family, or just tried to be mindful of the outdoors.

 

I feel reasonably confident in saying that I have now gotten through the worst and am stabilising. I am still experiencing more than usual fear/dread at times (yesterday was more fearful for example). But it is some time since this has felt truly overwhelming.

 

Much as I want to say goodbye to the drug, I will be in no hurry to start tapering again. Sometime next year I will tackle it - this time using some version of the 10% method and with a planned support structure.

 

Best,

 

The koala

[koala]

Hi @Emonda - can I just ask how long it took you to reach stability - the cessation of withdrawal symptoms including waves of terror - when you reinstated and before you started your current taper? 

 

I keep thinking I have reached stability - days in a row of relative or even complete steadiness - only to experience new and very strong waves.

 

I am no longer clear whether what I am currently experiencing is a kind of physiological reaction to the changes in my bio-chemistry, or whether that has largely resolved and I left with a psyche that has been profoundly stirred up. The psychotherapy I am undergoing is reaching quite deep into some very well-worn grooves dating from early childhood. The most sensible answer is probably that it is likely to be both. 

 

It's not that I am giving up on myself - although at times I certainly feel like it. But I am concerned about the ongoing loss of work and income, as well as inability to keep going with my studies. It is also putting a real strain on my partner. 

 

If you or anyone else has useful thoughts about timeframes, that would be good. 

 

Best,

 

The Koala

[Emonda]

Hi @koala,

Prior to finding S.A., I dropped from 15mg to ~5mg over ~4 weeks. I never got to 0mg as the WD was too much....I thought I was tapering slowly (wrong), and I was slightly aware of the concept of WD symptoms, so I recognised soon enough what was happening and guessed what I should do.

 

From the point that I increased from ~5mg to ~7.5mg, it was maybe 3 months from memory until I felt stable. I've checked my notes, but they were vague before finding this site, so I can't be exact with my estimated time frame. I know I picked up like you have sooner than that, but I still had waves like you are. At 5 months, I was confident enough to taper again.

 

4 hours ago, koala said:

days in a row of relative or even complete steadiness - only to experience new and very strong waves.

 

This really sounds like windows and waves to me.

 

How long did you take to taper down from 10mg to 1mg before jumping to 0mg? You then stayed at 0mg for 6 weeks, right?

 

It takes time to bounce back from a rapid taper and jumping to 0mg from 1mg of Escitalopram.  1mg is a large dose to jump off at. How much time will it take for stability? It's different for everyone.

 

If you reflect on how you felt at 0mg, to where you are now, you see improvement, right? I rate my mood in my mood diary and find it helpful to reflect back on it. Any chance you've made notes to try and reassure yourself you are in fact improving? If not, I'd start making notes and rating your mood out of 10 going forward.

 

5 hours ago, koala said:

But I am concerned about the ongoing loss of work and income,

 

I'm self-employed, so I understand what you mean. You mentioned your clients have been patient...that continuing? Has your ability to work improved at all? Sometimes you just need to grab onto the slightest improvement to give yourself a boost.

 

5 hours ago, koala said:

inability to keep going with my studies

 

Can you defer? Sometimes something has to give to reduce stress. Stress is not your friend as you seek stability. I've thought about taking on new studies, but I've decided it's best to wait until this journey is over.

 

5 hours ago, koala said:

It is also putting a real strain on my partner. 

 

Yeah, I get that. I keep communication very open with my wife about how I'm doing, when I'm next tapering. She even asks about my mood score sometimes...but I guess she knows before asking anyway. 

 

Just checking: no alcohol? Taking the AD at exactly the same time every day, never skipping a dose. Have you changed the brand of Escitalopram by any chance?

 

Emonda

 

[Poppy745]

9 hours ago, koala said:

Hi @Emonda - can I just ask how long it took you to reach stability - the cessation of withdrawal symptoms including waves of terror - when you reinstated and before you started your current taper? 

 

I keep thinking I have reached stability - days in a row of relative or even complete steadiness - only to experience new and very strong waves.

 

I am no longer clear whether what I am currently experiencing is a kind of physiological reaction to the changes in my bio-chemistry, or whether that has largely resolved and I left with a psyche that has been profoundly stirred up. The psychotherapy I am undergoing is reaching quite deep into some very well-worn grooves dating from early childhood. The most sensible answer is probably that it is likely to be both. 

 

It's not that I am giving up on myself - although at times I certainly feel like it. But I am concerned about the ongoing loss of work and income, as well as inability to keep going with my studies. It is also putting a real strain on my partner. 

 

If you or anyone else has useful thoughts about timeframes, that would be good. 

 

Best,

 

The Koala

Hey @koala This can feel so difficult can't it? I am also concerned about all the things that you mention. I feel that my partner is feeling stressed because of the situation I am in. One positive that we try to focus on is that my partner is starting getting me back and generally I am starting to feel more connected with people. I really understand your frustration and I feel it too. I keep trying to pull myself back into the present and try and embrace what there is today or tomorrow. The sun is shining today and I will go for a walk. I know these do not seem like big things. I really struggle to be in the present much of the time, but just remembering that I can come back to it can sometimes help. Sending you strength. 

[getofflex]

On 11/9/2023 at 9:01 PM, koala said:

Great to see you've been off escitalopram for more than a year now - well done - having used a gradual but linear taper.

I used an exponential taper once I found this site, until the very end.  Once we get to the very low doses, it becomes very difficult to do anything other than a linear taper. 

 

On 11/9/2023 at 9:01 PM, koala said:

Much as I want to say goodbye to the drug, I will be in no hurry to start tapering again. Sometime next year I will tackle it - this time using some version of the 10% method and with a planned support structure.

This is a very good plan.  

 

11 hours ago, koala said:

I am no longer clear whether what I am currently experiencing is a kind of physiological reaction to the changes in my bio-chemistry, or whether that has largely resolved and I left with a psyche that has been profoundly stirred up. The psychotherapy I am undergoing is reaching quite deep into some very well-worn grooves dating from early childhood.

We suggest that it may be best to postpone this type of therapy for later, after you are finished tapering and healed from withdrawal.  During withdrawal, our emotions tend to be exaggerated and amplified, and this can be very stressful.  Of course this is a very personal decision that only you can decide.  

 

This link contains a list of topics on our site dealing with trauma and withdrawal.  https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/search/?&q=trauma&type=forums_topic&nodes=14,8&search_and_or=and&search_in=titles

 

@Emonda and  @Poppy745  have given you some good feedback. 

 

Here is some information on stability, and what we call WD normal.  

 

Stability

 

WD Normal

 

 

[koala]

Thank you emonda and getofflex. This is exactly the sort of perspective I needed. Yesterday was a frighteningly bad wave - worst for a long time - and I needed to know if I was still on track to the stability that last week I thought I may have reached. I was panicking a little and was unsure if I should either give up on stability through reinstatement or should increase my dose. From your answers I can see that waves like yesterday are well within others’ experience of getting to stability. I will hold at 5mg for longer.

 

Thank you for pointing me again to the information about stability and WD normal. I think I had read this before, but reading again at this point has been very useful.

 

Thank you also to link about trauma. I will look at that with interest

 

14 hours ago, Emonda said:

How long did you take to taper down from 10mg to 1mg before jumping to 0mg? You then stayed at 0mg for 6 weeks, right?

I didn’t keep notes on this, but estimate it took me 3 to 4 months. I experienced some dizziness as I lowered my dose, but did not experience any real emotional/psychological waves.

 

You’re right that I stayed at 0mg for about 6 weeks - so I was a little bit apprehensive about reinstating and possible kindling.

 

For some of the time during taper and at 0mg I was also taking SAMe on the advice of a naturopath. I stopped taking this when I realised it may not be as gentle as I had assumed. I did not taper off the SAMe. It is possible that that added to stress on my system.

 

14 hours ago, Emonda said:

If you reflect on how you felt at 0mg, to where you are now, you see improvement, right?

Yes. Yesterday it did not feel like this was the case, hence my questions. But there are very real improvements overall - e.g. morning cortisol spikes, frequency and duration of waves, physical strength. I have not been keeping daily notes as I have generally found it hard to maintain this sort of practice. But I think it may be time to start.

 

14 hours ago, Emonda said:

Just checking: no alcohol? Taking the AD at exactly the same time every day, never skipping a dose. Have you changed the brand of Escitalopram by any chance?

That’s right - still no alcohol or caffeine. Throughout my taper, and while I was at 0mg, I was drinking several coffees daily and also some alcohol (but not when in a wave). I stopped both of these when I realised that I was in trouble. 

 

I am also still taking daily supplements of magnesium glycinate and a quality fish oil, as well as an adrenal complex and coQ10 (which I take for its qualities of being protective against the effects of the statin I take for high cholesterol).

8 hours ago, getofflex said:

We suggest that it may be best to postpone this type of therapy for later, after you are finished tapering and healed from withdrawal

I had thought about that. I may back off on the intensity of the psychotherapy. But I have felt I have had little option but to engage in psychotherapy now to help address the very strong and distressing themes coming up for me as I experienced waves of terror. I do think I have seen benefits of this, even though I think it probably has added to some of the emotional instability.

 

Thank you also for the ongoing encouragement. This is very much appreciated.

 

Best,

 

the Koala

 

 

[koala]

10 hours ago, Poppy745 said:

Hey @koala This can feel so difficult can't it? I am also concerned about all the things that you mention. I feel that my partner is feeling stressed because of the situation I am in. One positive that we try to focus on is that my partner is starting getting me back and generally I am starting to feel more connected with people. I really understand your frustration and I feel it too. I keep trying to pull myself back into the present and try and embrace what there is today or tomorrow. The sun is shining today and I will go for a walk. I know these do not seem like big things. I really struggle to be in the present much of the time, but just remembering that I can come back to it can sometimes help. Sending you strength

Thank you Poppy745. It’s very good to get encouragement from people suffering in similar ways. I haven’t read all the posts on your thread, but have seen enough to know that you are struggling with reaching stability. It can be very distressing. It is so important to remember that all things come and go. Thank you for finding the inner resource to reply to me. I am sending you strength and support. And now I am heading out for a walk before the rain forecast for later.

 

Best, the Koala

[Poppy745]

5 minutes ago, koala said:

Thank you Poppy745. It’s very good to get encouragement from people suffering in similar ways. I haven’t read all the posts on your thread, but have seen enough to know that you are struggling with reaching stability. It can be very distressing. It is so important to remember that all things come and go. Thank you for finding the inner resource to reply to me. I am sending you strength and support. And now I am heading out for a walk before the rain forecast for later.

 

Best, the Koala

Thank you @koala. This podcast really helped me today. It is a really positive outlook on WD:   theanxioustruth.com Episode 147 of the podcasts. There are 2 other episodes before about the guys experience, but 147 is specifically about WD. Enjoy your walk.

[koala]

Weekly update: So far this week (since Monday) has been much steadier, much better for me emotionally. I found myself in a pretty bad wave on Sunday, but since then have been fairly - though not every day - even.

 

It feels to me that despite having tried to deal with my withdrawals and attempt to stabilise with reinstatement in a matter of fact and mindful way, these times can be highly traumatising. How can experiencing high levels of fear over a prolonged and indefinite period, while work and all other activities shrink along with relationships and confidence, not be traumatising? I feel like the overpowering physiological/neurological withdrawal symptoms are easing, but I now have a kind of residual generalised fearfulness and disorientation and vigilance. I imagine that might take some time to process and settle.

 

I also have terrible sleep now. I am lately finding it very difficult to get to sleep and to stay asleep. Hopefully this will resolve itself soon. Now living on about 4 hours a night. Not enough.

 

The Koala.

[Poppy745]

15 hours ago, koala said:

Weekly update: So far this week (since Monday) has been much steadier, much better for me emotionally. I found myself in a pretty bad wave on Sunday, but since then have been fairly - though not every day - even.

 

It feels to me that despite having tried to deal with my withdrawals and attempt to stabilise with reinstatement in a matter of fact and mindful way, these times can be highly traumatising. How can experiencing high levels of fear over a prolonged and indefinite period, while work and all other activities shrink along with relationships and confidence, not be traumatising? I feel like the overpowering physiological/neurological withdrawal symptoms are easing, but I now have a kind of residual generalised fearfulness and disorientation and vigilance. I imagine that might take some time to process and settle.

 

I also have terrible sleep now. I am lately finding it very difficult to get to sleep and to stay asleep. Hopefully this will resolve itself soon. Now living on about 4 hours a night. Not enough.

 

The Koala.

Hey @koala I hear everything you are saying and identify with it all. This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. A friend said to me today how much I am dealing with and still ploughing through. You are also doing it! You are doing amazing. Stay strong.

[Emonda]

21 hours ago, koala said:

so far this week (since Monday) has been much steadier, much better for me emotionally. I found myself in a pretty bad wave on Sunday, but since then have been fairly - though not every day - even.

 

Sounding positive, Koala. We all have off days.

 

21 hours ago, koala said:

these times can be highly traumatising. How can experiencing high levels of fear over a prolonged and indefinite period, while work and all other activities shrink along with relationships and confidence, not be traumatising?

 

Agreed. One foot in front of the other, repeat. You seem to have come a long way...time and continued patience are your friends.

 

21 hours ago, koala said:

I also have terrible sleep now. I am lately finding it very difficult to get to sleep and to stay asleep. Hopefully this will resolve itself soon. Now living on about 4 hours a night. Not enough.

 

I'm pretty sure we all struggle with this. I haven't gone back to re-read my posts, but are you having magnesium at night? I find it beneficial. I also use very quiet classical music when I wake up in the middle of the night to distract my racing mind.

 

You seem to be making great progress.

[koala]

13 hours ago, Poppy745 said:

Hey @koala I hear everything you are saying and identify with it all. This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. A friend said to me today how much I am dealing with and still ploughing through. You are also doing it! You are doing amazing. Stay strong.

Thanks Poppy745. I hope things are getting better for you too.

 

Best,

 

the Koala

[koala]

Thanks emonda - yes, I think I am making progress and am so grateful for it. 
 

And yes, I am taking magnesium glycinate at night. Also melatonin. 
 

I’ll get there.

 

I hope you’re doing well with your taper.

 
Best,

the Koala

[Emonda]

On 11/25/2023 at 2:08 PM, koala said:

I hope you’re doing well with your taper.

 

I'm doing ok, Koala. I still experience WD symptoms, but mostly they are manageable.

 

I'll have to ask another team member to show me how to move your post from Poppy745 back here...I don't want to mess it up.

 

How'd you go today? Did you revert back to the 5mg tablet or stick with the 5mg liquid?

 

I read of another member who changed from the brand name AD to a generic brand of the same AD (I think it was Escitalopram from memory). Within a few days of the change, they felt dreadful. They sourced the brand name from another pharmacy, and in a short time, stability returned.

 

I would expect the same for you if you revert back to tablets...you only took the liquid for two days, right?

 

[Ryder]

Walking is really good for you Koala. Keep going. 🤙🤙

[koala]

13 hours ago, Emonda said:

How'd you go today? Did you revert back to the 5mg tablet or stick with the 5mg liquid?

Hi @Emonda - sorry - I didn't realise I had posted in Poppy745's thread. 

 

To clarify - I have been using the liquid - 5mg. I had just 2 days on half a 10mg tablet. You cannot get 5mg tablets in Australia. I have reverted back to the liquid and will stay with it.

 

I have also been having a big problem with insomnia and exhaustion. I resorted to a sleeping pill - zolpidem 10mg. It was prescribed on Thursday and I took it on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. This was prescribed for me My worst waves were on Friday, Saturday and then last night and into this morning. They feel different to previous waves. I felt really desperate and found myself breaking down and bawling on Friday night and Saturday morning. This is a first for me with these withdrawals. Saturday was pretty much my worst day yet. Sunday morning was okay, but things started to get bad again on Sunday afternoon. I took no Zolpidem last night and had a night of insomnia and increasing fear/anxiety. This morning (Monday) the tightness in my chest, lightheadedness and physical feelings of fear are intense.

 

I am now guessing that my system is too sensitive for zolpidem and I should not even use it occasionally. 

[Emonda]

10 hours ago, koala said:

I have reverted back to the liquid and will stay with it.

 

Hopefully things will settle down soon, Koala.

 

10 hours ago, koala said:

I resorted to a sleeping pill - zolpidem 10mg

 

Just be careful. My GP gave me some and told me to use sparingly. When I found out on this site how addictive they could be, I flushed them down the toilet. I found that if I had a few in a row, the first night without them would be tough.

 

Some people find this helpful:

 

 

[koala]

Thanks Emonda. 
 

I haven’t had any more zolpidem and don’t plan on it. I am also concerned about how addictive these pills can be. I would interested to know in what ways you found the night after 2 in a row rough. Did it produce anxiety for you?

I had a great symptom free day yesterday. But I slept badly last night and today have been back in the throes of fear/anxiety symptoms. 
 

Because I am into my third month of trying to stabilise I have been talking with my psych about increasing my dose. I have actually now had 2 days on 6mg. I guess it is possible that what I’m feeling today is a result of this increase. 
 

I don’t think my decision making is as good as it can be as a result of becoming very worn down by this ordeal. 
 

I’ve just been out for a 3 hour walk. I find it very hard to sit with symptoms like chest tightness and twisting guts. When these feelings are present I find it hard to keep my mind from proliferating difficult thoughts and fears. It is slightly more bearable when walking. I will probably go for another long walk this afternoon.

 

[Emonda]

12 minutes ago, koala said:

I would interested to know in what ways you found the night after 2 in a row rough. Did it produce anxiety for you?

 

I found I didn't sleep well for a night or two after the zolpidem, and that led me to feel anxious the next day, presumably because of the broken sleep.

 

44 minutes ago, koala said:

I have actually now had 2 days on 6mg

 

Perhaps a 10% increase to 5.5mg may have been more conservative....but if you've noticed nothing adverse...maybe it'll be fine. Keep notes on how you feel.

 

45 minutes ago, koala said:

I don’t think my decision making is as good as it can be as a result of becoming very worn down by this ordeal. 

 

I hear you. I do my best not to make big decisions when I'm in a bad place.

 

52 minutes ago, koala said:

I’ve just been out for a 3 hour walk. I find it very hard to sit with symptoms like chest tightness and twisting guts.

 

That's quite some exercise - I exercise a lot, but I always have, and I find it beneficial...just don't overdo it.

 

Have the symptoms increased after increasing to 6mg?

 

[koala]

3 hours ago, Emonda said:

Perhaps a 10% increase to 5.5mg may have been more conservative....but if you've noticed nothing adverse...maybe it'll be fine. Keep notes on how you feel.

This is one of things where I think my decision making has been bad.

 

As I described above, desperation with insomnia led me to the zolpidem which I aimed to take just a couple of times in a week and only if really necessary. My physical anxiety/fear symptoms (including chest tightness, gut churning, heart pounding etc) became quite extreme and I suspect zolpidem was responsible.

 

The frighteningly heightened fear/anxiety symptoms - occurring more than 2 months after reinstatement - also led to me questioning whether stabilisation was happening after all and whether I was taking enough of the lexapro. I discussed with the psych increasing the dose on Monday. I don't think he pays much mind to kindling risks. He was happy for me to increase to a full dose (10mg) if I felt I needed it. He confesses he has not treated anyone with protracted withdrawals. He was adamant that 10mg would not be unsafe. 

 

On Tuesday I felt fine and should have just left the dose alone. Instead I thought I should increase it slightly, since I had been so concerned about whether I was taking enough to stabilise. That's when I decided to increase to 6mg. 

 

Today (Wednesday) has been quite bad in terms of the fear/anxiety symptoms. I had them in the night and they have so far persisted all day. I am doing my best with the self care, but am exhausted. I am hoping this is just a wave that will pass over. It is not unlike other waves I have had. 

 

The question for me now is whether to stay on 6mg or reduce to 5.5mg or even back to 5mg. I want to keep things steady. Perhaps I should sit it out for another day or two on 6mg.

[koala]

Today is so much better. It is such a relief to get a day like this.

 

Sharing the material part of the letter I have received today from my GP who I wrote to several weeks ago to educate her about antidepressant WDs and tell her off for the treatment I received in August. At that time I had just gone from 1mg to 0mg and was having an immediate WD reaction. She dismissed this and suggested I might be bipolar. Her letter of today shows a willingness to receive feedback and learn. Let's hope more doctors start taking this seriously.Letter from Doctor.pdf

[Poppy745]

On 12/6/2023 at 11:55 PM, koala said:

Today is so much better. It is such a relief to get a day like this.

 

Sharing the material part of the letter I have received today from my GP who I wrote to several weeks ago to educate her about antidepressant WDs and tell her off for the treatment I received in August. At that time I had just gone from 1mg to 0mg and was having an immediate WD reaction. She dismissed this and suggested I might be bipolar. Her letter of today shows a willingness to receive feedback and learn. Let's hope more doctors start taking this seriously.Letter from Doctor.pdf

@koala I am glad that you you have some relief happening. The letter is positive. I really wish that the word was getting out quicker to GP's. It is in the NICE guidelines here in the UK as well as many other official guidance, but they still  generally seem to have no idea. I don't understand why it is not in their regular training. Hope your good days continued. 

[koala]

Thanks @Poppy745. Yes, good days are so precious aren’t they.
 

Australia is quite a bit behind the UK in recognising withdrawal syndrome and promulgating decent information about tapering. The Royal College’s info was one of the things I gave my GP. It could probably have saved me quite a bit of grief over the years if this info had been known to me sooner.

 

I do hope you’re getting some relief too - and some sleep. 

[Emonda]

Has it been a week at 6mg? How are you doing, Koala?

[koala]

Thanks for asking Emonda - it has been a week and I’m doing mostly okay. I don’t think the increase has caused me any new trouble - although I wish I’d just stuck at 5mg (if only to have less to reduce from when I’m ready). I’ve had some bad times in the last week, but none of those hellish terror episodes that I have experienced on and off throughout this WD/stabilisation saga. I am very grateful for the relief. Doing okay with your reductions?

[LukeUK]

Hi Koala,

 

Please bear in mind that stabilisation can take a significant amount of time.

 

You have changed your dose a few times recently, please keep in mind that if you do have further waves changing the dose again is not necessarily a quicker route to stability and can also exacerbate things. In my opinion, unfortunately now the best thing to do is wait for stability, even if things get difficult again. It is very tempting when things are very bad to take some kind of action, as you have discovered, changing doses does not usually create instant stability. It is worth resisting temptation to take drastic action when you're really suffering, as you will be making decisions from a place of desperation.

 

I hope that you do not have severe waves again and that further stability is in your near future.

[Emonda]

11 hours ago, koala said:

it has been a week and I’m doing mostly okay

 

I'm glad to hear you are in a better place.

 

11 hours ago, koala said:

I wish I’d just stuck at 5mg (if only to have less to reduce from when I’m ready)

 

I'm with LukeUK and his comments, but just accept it and move on now. 

 

11 hours ago, koala said:

Doing okay with your reductions?

 

I recently hit a wave. It'll pass with time...one foot in front of the other...repeat 🤨

[koala]

Thought I’d post an update. Basically, I am doing okay at present. I am no longer confident to say that I have stabilised (because of past recent experience where that has proved premature) but am definitely doing okay at present. Things have been acceptably good for me for about 2 weeks now. In that time I have had just a few experiences of fear/terror - but these have not persisted a long time. I have also experienced some real sadness and some anxiety, but I put these down to the destabilising effects of the past few months and ongoing insomnia, as well as to travelling the path of psychotherapy. But almost everything has been on an upward trend and I have felt fine getting out and leading a more “normal” life - including some swimming, cycling, playing music, working and socialising. I am hoping and praying that this trend continues.

[Emonda]

How's things, Koala?

[koala]

Thanks for checking @Emonda. Mostly fine thanks.

 

Coming through a bit of a wave period. Bad days on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day and some not so good periods in days around them - basically higher fear/anxiety with some chest and gut gripping etc and lower mood around that - but overall so much better than a couple of months ago.
 

My sleep has improved a lot - getting about 6 hours a night now. This may have been helped by tackling my sleep apnea with a trial cpap machine. Not fun to use but I think it might be helping me to wake less and stay asleep longer. I’m sure the extra sleep is doing me good.

 
How are you doing? I see you’ve slowed your taper slightly. Just to help get through the holiday period? Wishing you a great 2024.

[Emonda]

On 12/31/2023 at 7:22 AM, koala said:

Mostly fine thanks.

 

On 12/31/2023 at 7:22 AM, koala said:

but overall so much better than a couple of months ago.

 

On 12/31/2023 at 7:22 AM, koala said:

My sleep has improved a lot - getting about 6 hours a night now

 👍

 

On 12/31/2023 at 7:22 AM, koala said:

Bad days on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day and some not so good periods in days around them

 

This time of year causes increased stress for many of us.

 

On 12/31/2023 at 7:22 AM, koala said:

How are you doing? I see you’ve slowed your taper slightly. Just to help get through the holiday period?

 

A strategic pause given the holiday period and some international travel.

 

On 12/31/2023 at 7:22 AM, koala said:

Wishing you a great 2024

 

A year of continued recovery for us both.

[koala]

Hi @Emonda - or others - I’m trying to work out if I am still tracking okay for stabilisation. 
 

My history’s in my signature.

 

I keep on thinking I’m through the WD symptoms - which is great - and then have another wave.
 

There may be some reasons for this last wave - basically over doing the activity on recent good days. This may mean I have to treat myself as being in recovery for much longer than I realised. But I must admit I am getting a bit despondent as well as worried because I really want/need to get life up and running again. 
 

Am I still on track for stabilising before reducing do you think?

 

 

[Emonda]

Windows and waves, mate.

 

7 hours ago, koala said:

There may be some reasons for this last wave - basically over doing the activity on recent good days.

 

I keep making this mistake myself. If I overdo it, I'm hit with a wave. Others on this site report the same.

 

7 hours ago, koala said:

But I must admit I am getting a bit despondent as well as worried because I really want/need to get life up and running again. 

 

Be kind to yourself. Reflect on where you were when you joined the site a little while back. You've made significant progress, right? Put the last wave down to a learning experience....be kind to your body, and don't overdo it.

 

7 hours ago, koala said:

Am I still on track for stabilising before reducing do you think?

 

There's no rush to reduce. Give yourself a few months from here. I waited 5 months after rocking the boat before finding this site.

 

You're doing great.

 

[koala]

Thanks for the reassurance.

 

I am starting to doubt myself. 
 

How long should I give it before I cave in and start taking a standard dose as every GP would have me do? 

[koala]

I guess I am confused about why I should be still experiencing waves and windows when I am taking the drug again (albeit a low dose)?

 

I know that the last time I went through something like this (Dec 2021) and went back on the AD, it still took a good 6-8 weeks for things to settle down. After that there were a few smallish waves for a little while.

[LukeUK]

Quite simply, your body has been through a lot, and it is still adapting to the removal and reinstatement of the drug it was previously depending on.

 

There have been a number of dose changes in recent months, and these dose changes have happened at a time when your nervous system was already struggling.

 

If you're having windows when you feel okay, I would take this as a sign that stabilisation is happening. Unfortunately these things often take significantly longer than we hope.

 

Once you're stable, I would focus on living life as normal for some time (which should be easier at that point) until you've been okay for a good while. At this point you could then start a slower taper and hopefully avoid any serious destabilisation entirely. If that strategy is successful and your taper is careful it could well mean that the worst is behind you, or that you're coming out of it now. I hope that is the case for you.