ThreeLittleBirds: Lexapro withdrawls

[Sonia009]

9 hours ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

 

 

I just wanted to update after the nightmarish experience of trying to reinstate the 1mg of liquid Lexapro (it brought on never before panic attacks and agoraphobia), I threw the remaining liquid in the rubbish bin. Since going cold turkey on the 30th of October 2023, it was obviously too long a period to reinstate the SSRI. I know there is nobody on this site that is going to coerce me to reinstate the medication at the lower recommended dosage of 0.5mg but even if that was the best course of action, I threw it away out of sheer terror.

 

I guess I was wondering if there's any chance of just not taking Lexapro again or if resuming another former medication like Paroxetine, would it bring out the same allergic side effects? I probably not using all the correct terms but in Australia, nobody has any information in regard to this withdrawal process. The pharmacist told me it should only last 2 weeks but as you can tell, it's been going on for months.

 

Is it normal to feel flu like, have chronic fatigue and tire out easily? I can't sleep at night and constantly wake up every 2 hours with bouts of anxiety, I have lost weight as my anxiety makes me nauseated and my nerves still feel like they are screaming especially after trying to reinstate the 1mg Lexapro.  I've read that exercise is important and try to walk as often as possible, but my body feels so weak and faintish. I used to be quite active, and I use to exercise and do pilates...now I feel exhausted, and all my confidence has gone.  Sorry for the complaints but it has taken so much joy out of my life and have lost the ability to smile, laugh, watch a movie or read a book as my focus is totally shot and my anxiety is skyrocketed with my agitated nervous system.  I know that meditation and exercise is an important part of recovery but find the energy and focus really hard to have to follow through on this process.

@ThreeLittleBirdsHi, just wanted you to know that I can relate to your symptoms, I too am going through similar. It's a nightmare for sure but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, I really feel your pain. I hope you find some relief soon.🙏😊

 

 

9 hours ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

Sorry for the long rant...I hope I made sense. I'm so tired and feel totally lost.

 

I will appreciate all your help guys

 

ThreeLittleBirds

 

 

[LostInCanada]

10 hours ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

I am interested in how you did it or are you still in the process?

That's my story. I am still in the middle of it. I reinstated too high at 5 mg but then tried 10 mg and that was a disaster so after 3 days I went back to 5 mg. I had been off the drug completely for 3 months. I was suicidal and suffering from dp/dr, no joy, no emotion. The reinstatement helped with the big issues. Stabilizing took at least 6 months. My system is very sensitive and tapering is a slow crawl.

9 hours ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

I was wondering if there's any chance of just not taking Lexapro again or if resuming another former medication like Paroxetine,

I do not think it would be wise to add any drug to your sensitized CNS. You will heal. It will be a long journey. But adding a drug will probably make it worse and lengthen the healing process. Neither of our situations are ideal. 

Gratitude and being positive go a long way to helping direct your precious energy into healing.

9 hours ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

lost the ability to smile, laugh, watch a movie or read a book as my focus is totally shot and my anxiety is skyrocketed

I too couldn't smile or laugh. It is still a struggle when I am in a wave. I read somewhere when you see your reflection force a smile. So I did and it helped. I honestly think we have to retrain ourselves to do it. I couldn't read, watch tv, converse but it has improved immensely. I have to be very selective in what I watch or read. It is a matter of carving out a life with the things you can do and not concerning yourself with the things you can't do at this time. Eventually we will heal completely. Kindness and acceptance will aid that.

Honestly I wish I could have made it through without reinstatement but I am here now and that's okay too. 

You're got this. Others' examples have shown us that we will survive and thrive.

[LostInCanada]

If you read through this thread, you may find some in your city to reach out to, etc 

 

 

[Emonda]

On 4/25/2024 at 5:17 PM, ThreeLittleBirds said:

The pharmacist told me it should only last 2 weeks but as you can tell, it's been going on for months.

 

Very misinformed, and all too common, sadly.

 

On 4/25/2024 at 5:17 PM, ThreeLittleBirds said:

I've read that exercise is important and try to walk as often as possible, but my body feels so weak and faintish.

 

Be kind to yourself. I recall when I was in a bad place, I'd just do something small, like a very slow/short walk, just to get outside in the sun and see something different.

 

On 4/25/2024 at 5:17 PM, ThreeLittleBirds said:

Sorry for the long rant...I hope I made sense. I'm so tired and feel totally lost.

 

 

Rant away 😊 It's not a nice experience, but you are amongst people who do understand.

 

Time and much patience.

[Emonda]

On 4/26/2024 at 3:07 AM, LostInCanada said:

do not think it would be wise to add any drug to your sensitized CNS.

 

On 4/26/2024 at 3:07 AM, LostInCanada said:

adding a drug will probably make it worse and lengthen the healing process

 

I agree with LostinCanada.

[ThreeLittleBirds]

On 4/26/2024 at 2:31 AM, Sonia009 said:

@ThreeLittleBirdsHi, just wanted you to know that I can relate to your symptoms, I too am going through similar. It's a nightmare for sure but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, I really feel your pain. I hope you find some relief soon.🙏😊

 

 

 

Thanks for reaching out. You're an amazing person to be going through this. I feel as scared as a little girl and fight daily to keep my sanity and keep myself from drowning in my feelings of hopelessness.

Do you feel like you're improving?

 

Is there hope? How do you keep going forward with no end in sight?

 

Sorry for the gloomy attitude...just hoping for survival tips

[ThreeLittleBirds]

Hi Guys,

 

I still find it confusing to reply to individual replies (if that makes sense). It could be that my withdrawals are making me more stupid lol. 

 

This whole withdrawal process is so scary, and I can't believe all the brave members on this forum. It amazes me how you guys do it. I come from a very unhealthy family dynamic resulting in my childhood trauma that started my journey towards SSRI's. Most of my family know that I am sometimes lost, scared and suicidal because of the withdrawals but they don't offer much support. A lot of my family members think I need to just stop thinking about it, think positive and move on with my life.

 

I can't seem to get them to understand that it's not a choice that I'm making but a nightmare I'm stuck in.  My mind seems to go around in an endless spiral of panic, and I get scared that I'm going to die in this process. I'm finding it so hard to forgive myself for going cold turkey and putting myself in this "hell". I have no one to blame but myself. I'm forever ruminating on what steps I should be taking to help myself heal since I have no one to go through the steps with me. 

 

What scares me the most is the total loss of control of your life, body, emotions etc. I tire out easy but need to somehow support myself and I wonder how other members manage to continue on with their life, work etc. I'm single and struggle financially, this only adds to the pressure and stress of the withdrawal's procedure.

 

Today has been a dark day for me, I only slept 4 hours and wake up to anxiety and panic attacks most nights. I long for the past and wish to turn back the clock and taper my 5mg Lexapro in a more responsible and intelligent manner.  He would believe that such a small dosage would be so lethal. I really wish I was more informed and that I never ever touched the first medication handed to me by my doctor 10 years ago.

 

I pray with all my heart for this nightmare to be over but sometimes I feel so lost. 

 

[Sonia009]

1 hour ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

Thanks for reaching out. You're an amazing person to be going through this. I feel as scared as a little girl and fight daily to keep my sanity and keep myself from drowning in my feelings of hopelessness.

Do you feel like you're improving?

 

Is there hope? How do you keep going forward with no end in sight?

 

Sorry for the gloomy attitude...just hoping for survival tips

@ThreeLittleBirdsHi, I too am scared but I have been through withdrawal before and I came out of it so I must believe I can do so again. There is hope, many people have recovered, it just takes longer for some.

Just follow the advice offered from moderators, don't be afraid to ask questions.

Try and eat healthily, don't starve yourself like a I did where my weight plummeted.

Try to sleep, listening to relaxing sleep music on youtube helps me.

If you can go outside for walks that would be great, I'm struggling with this at the moment.

Don't overdo things, if you are doing anything strenuous, take a break, pace yourself.

Stay clear of anything that stresses you like watching the news of even watching tv in general.

If you have friends/family try and chat with them even if it's only for a little while.

If you feel anxious or panicky concentrate on your breathing and take your mind to better places such as thinking about good holidays you've had or other good experiences.

One day at a time, baby steps.

Best wishes.🙏😊

 

[Sonia009]

3 minutes ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

Hi Guys,

 

I still find it confusing to reply to individual replies (if that makes sense). It could be that my withdrawals are making me more stupid lol. 

@ThreeLittleBirdsYou're not stupid, replying to other posts can take a lot out of you, it can be stressful. If you need to reply keep it brief, you don't want to get bogged down in your thoughts or other people concerns even though you would like to help more.

 

 

3 minutes ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

 

This whole withdrawal process is so scary, and I can't believe all the brave members on this forum. It amazes me how you guys do it. I come from a very unhealthy family dynamic resulting in my childhood trauma that started my journey towards SSRI's. Most of my family know that I am sometimes lost, scared and suicidal because of the withdrawals but they don't offer much support. A lot of my family members think I need to just stop thinking about it, think positive and move on with my life.

 

I can't seem to get them to understand that it's not a choice that I'm making but a nightmare I'm stuck in.  My mind seems to go around in an endless spiral of panic, and I get scared that I'm going to die in this process. I'm finding it so hard to forgive myself for going cold turkey and putting myself in this "hell". I have no one to blame but myself. I'm forever ruminating on what steps I should be taking to help myself heal since I have no one to go through the steps with me. 

 

What scares me the most is the total loss of control of your life, body, emotions etc. I tire out easy but need to somehow support myself and I wonder how other members manage to continue on with their life, work etc. I'm single and struggle financially, this only adds to the pressure and stress of the withdrawal's procedure.

 

Today has been a dark day for me, I only slept 4 hours and wake up to anxiety and panic attacks most nights. I long for the past and wish to turn back the clock and taper my 5mg Lexapro in a more responsible and intelligent manner.  He would believe that such a small dosage would be so lethal. I really wish I was more informed and that I never ever touched the first medication handed to me by my doctor 10 years ago.

 

I pray with all my heart for this nightmare to be over but sometimes I feel so lost. 

 

 

[ThreeLittleBirds]

1 minute ago, Sonia009 said:

@ThreeLittleBirdsHi, I too am scared but I have been through withdrawal before and I came out of it so I must believe I can do so again. There is hope, many people have recovered, it just takes longer for some.

Just follow the advice offered from moderators, don't be afraid to ask questions.

Try and eat healthily, don't starve yourself like a I did where my weight plummeted.

Try to sleep, listening to relaxing sleep music on youtube helps me.

If you can go outside for walks that would be great, I'm struggling with this at the moment.

Don't overdo things, if you are doing anything strenuous, take a break, pace yourself.

Stay clear of anything that stresses you like watching the news of even watching tv in general.

If you have friends/family try and chat with them even if it's only for a little while.

If you feel anxious or panicky concentrate on your breathing and take your mind to better places such as thinking about good holidays you've had or other good experiences.

One day at a time, baby steps.

Best wishes.🙏😊

 

 

Hello...It's comforting that you are also in Brisbane. Thank you for your reassurance, I would be more confident if I wasn't stupid and went cold turkey. I feel that is something that has maybe hindered all chances of my reaching recovery. I do believe in the success of recovery, when done slowly with tapering but I just stopped. I still can't believe how stupid the action was. I have of course been told to forgive myself but because of all the repercussions I am suffering with now, I feel as though I deserve it because of my sheer stupidity.

I try to eat healthy but am usually quite nauseated and have lost quite a bit of weight. But I do try to eat and I only drink water, tons of water.

I listen to meditation apps when going to bed and try to google or read inspiring stories of people recovering from SSRI withdrawals.

I exercise every second day for an hour but feel like I'm going to pass out most of the time. I try to smile at people and think positive, but tears are usually not far away.

Now days I can't chat for very long because everything seems to exhaust me pretty quickly, but I try not to isolate myself too much.

I've also started practising my breathing exercises to calm myself down but sometimes it doesn't work. 

[Sonia009]

12 minutes ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

 

Hello...It's comforting that you are also in Brisbane. Thank you for your reassurance, I would be more confident if I wasn't stupid and went cold turkey. I feel that is something that has maybe hindered all chances of my reaching recovery. I do believe in the success of recovery, when done slowly with tapering but I just stopped. I still can't believe how stupid the action was. I have of course been told to forgive myself but because of all the repercussions I am suffering with now, I feel as though I deserve it because of my sheer stupidity.

I try to eat healthy but am usually quite nauseated and have lost quite a bit of weight. But I do try to eat and I only drink water, tons of water.

I listen to meditation apps when going to bed and try to google or read inspiring stories of people recovering from SSRI withdrawals.

I exercise every second day for an hour but feel like I'm going to pass out most of the time. I try to smile at people and think positive, but tears are usually not far away.

Now days I can't chat for very long because everything seems to exhaust me pretty quickly, but I try not to isolate myself too much.

I've also started practising my breathing exercises to calm myself down but sometimes it doesn't work. 

@ThreeLittleBirdsI'm in the UK but that's not important, people here from all over, all in the same boat. What's done is done, no good beating yourself up about it. You're doing everything right, it just takes time and patience. Hang in there.🙏😊

[Emonda]

30 minutes ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

I would be more confident if I wasn't stupid and went cold turkey. I feel that is something that has maybe hindered all chances of my reaching recovery.

 

Don't be hard on yourself. Before finding this site, I tried CT ~6 times over the years. I assumed I was relapsing, but now I know it was WD.

 

I stabilised, and so will you.

 

When you are in the middle of it, you think things will never improve, but they will. How you are feeling right now is temporary.

 

33 minutes ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

I exercise every second day for an hour but feel like I'm going to pass out most of the time.

 

Yikes, that sounds like you're overdoing it! Be kind to yourself. Back it off to a gentle walk about the block. I don't live in Brissie, but when I go there, I love a walk about Southbank. Sometimes it's just nice to sit outside and watch the people walk past.

 

39 minutes ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

I've also started practising my breathing exercises to calm myself down but sometimes it doesn't work. 

 

Keep working at it.

 

You're going to turn the corner with time and patience. 

 

 

[ThreeLittleBirds]

43 minutes ago, Sonia009 said:

@ThreeLittleBirdsI'm in the UK but that's not important, people here from all over, all in the same boat. What's done is done, no good beating yourself up about it. You're doing everything right, it just takes time and patience. Hang in there.🙏😊

Thank you so much for your support 😊😊😊

Sorry for the misunderstanding. My focus is not what it use to be. 

But thank you so much...you give me hope and unconditionally understanding and it really helps 😁

[ThreeLittleBirds]

20 minutes ago, Emonda said:

 

Don't be hard on yourself. Before finding this site, I tried CT ~6 times over the years. I assumed I was relapsing, but now I know it was WD.

 

I stabilised, and so will you.

 

When you are in the middle of it, you think things will never improve, but they will. How you are feeling right now is temporary.

 

 

Yikes, that sounds like you're overdoing it! Be kind to yourself. Back it off to a gentle walk about the block. I don't live in Brissie, but when I go there, I love a walk about Southbank. Sometimes it's just nice to sit outside and watch the people walk past.

 

 

Keep working at it.

 

You're going to turn the corner with time and patience. 

 

 

Thank you Emonda,

I've always struggled with kindness and self compassion for myself. You guys are really giving my a lifeline to hold on to and I will be forever grateful.

 

Thank you so much for giving me hope! 😊😊😊

[LostInCanada]

7 hours ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

 

I still find it confusing to reply to individual replies (if that makes sense). It could be that my withdrawals are making me more stupid lol. 

If you want to reply to a specific person just type the @ symbol and then type the person 's name. A list of names will appear and just click on the right name. 

Absolutely WD affects our brain power but we are in this with you so we get it lol. It teaches us to laugh at ourselves for sure. One silver lining. 👍

8 hours ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

I come from a very unhealthy family dynamic resulting in my childhood trauma that started my journey towards SSRI's. Most of my family know that I am sometimes lost, scared and suicidal because of the withdrawals but they don't offer much support. A lot of my family members think I need to just stop thinking about it, think positive and move on with my life.

I think many of us can relate. My sister would get along great with your family I am sure. Try not to dwell on that because that is their lack not yours. It would be like saying to someone with cancer- get over it. 

8 hours ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

I'm finding it so hard to forgive myself for going cold turkey and putting myself in this "hell". I have no one to blame but myself

I went cold turkey as well and I am sure you would never beat me up saying I was stupid and did this to myself right? Don't say those same words to yourself. This is an iatrogenic illness. It is caused by the medication and doctors. We are not to blame. We trusted the professionals just like we do going to a lawyer or an accountant. This is not our fault and there is nothing to forgive yourself for. ❤️

It's hard but try to put your energy into being positive. Writing out 3 things a day that you are grateful for no matter how small. It could be the blue sky, a hot shower or a soft pillow. Your body knows what to do- accept the process. You are going to be okay. 💯

[Catwoman73]

9 hours ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

 

Hello...It's comforting that you are also in Brisbane. Thank you for your reassurance, I would be more confident if I wasn't stupid and went cold turkey. I feel that is something that has maybe hindered all chances of my reaching recovery. I do believe in the success of recovery, when done slowly with tapering but I just stopped. I still can't believe how stupid the action was. I have of course been told to forgive myself but because of all the repercussions I am suffering with now, I feel as though I deserve it because of my sheer stupidity.

I try to eat healthy but am usually quite nauseated and have lost quite a bit of weight. But I do try to eat and I only drink water, tons of water.

I listen to meditation apps when going to bed and try to google or read inspiring stories of people recovering from SSRI withdrawals.

I exercise every second day for an hour but feel like I'm going to pass out most of the time. I try to smile at people and think positive, but tears are usually not far away.

Now days I can't chat for very long because everything seems to exhaust me pretty quickly, but I try not to isolate myself too much.

I've also started practising my breathing exercises to calm myself down but sometimes it doesn't work. 

Hi @ThreeLittleBirds- please don't beat yourself up- none of us deserve this.  I have been on and off these drugs for most of the last 30 years, and this is the first time I have done a slow taper- I always just trusted my doctors.  Honestly, I think the doctors have even been duped by big Pharma propaganda.  I really think the blame for this lies waaaay up the food chain.  We're all victims.

 

After many CT stops over the years, I will say that you need to be incredibly gentle with yourself right now.  Eating healthy is great, and will help you stay healthy in the long run, but right now, if what appeals to you is a huge cheeseburger, I say go for it!  And exercise- a nice walk around the block is probably enough right now- you want exercise to make you feel good.  I get the feeling you are a bit of a type A personality, like me lol.  Sometimes it's hard to let go of our expectations of perfection for ourselves, but now is not the time!  If you're struggling to give yourself permission to just do what feels right, I'm here giving you permission lol!  Eat what you want, give up on the intense exercise for now, be in the moment- you don't have to fake happiness.  Allow yourself to experience the negative emotions, and remind yourself that they WILL pass.  

 

I know you're struggling to talk with people right now (me too!), but I have found a good therapist that I can be brutally honest with has this has been a game changer.  I don't always feel like going to my appointments.  But I remind myself that I never regret going, but I might just regret NOT going.  And then I go.  I, too, have childhood trauma, and at age 51, I'm just starting to deal with it now.  It's incredibly liberating, and it has helped me stay much more Zen through my current suffering.   I'm sorry your family is not supportive- I suppose I'm very lucky in that respect.  Do you have friends (or even one friend) that you can rely on and confide in?  

[Ninabird]

On 2/1/2024 at 2:09 PM, ThreeLittleBirds said:

Hi I was prescribed Paroxetine and Lexapro for over 10 years for my depression and anxiety. Tbh I was prescribed an array of medications by my first doctor who seemed hell bent on throwing them at me like tic tacs.

After still having suicidal idealtion, endless crying spells, depression and anxiety another medication was added to the growing list...Zoloft. I had a severe reaction and had to stop it in a day. It traumatised me so much, I didn't resume my Lexapro medication.

I went on with my life and for the first month I was fine and didn't really notice the absence of Lexapro in my life.

But then I was struck down with anxiety and depression and tried to go back on my 5mg of Lexapro but got an allergic reaction from being off them for a month. 

I have been put on St. John's Wort and I'm trying to hold on but I'm losing all hope as I see my life collapse before my eyes.

I'm physically getting worse and feel so physically weak and nauseated. I have brain zaps and tingles. I can't eat or exercise and feel that my life is over. It's absolutely terrifying. I fear becoming homeless because I need a job and money for essentials. I miss the person I used to be and never felt so alone in my life. There's no one that seems to understand and no support network in Australia.

I know I didn't taper slowly enough and it would of been wise to do it slower. But unfortunately I tried to restart using Lexapro and had severe allergic reactions. We also don't have it in liquid form in Australia for a 10 percent tapering reduction.

I now live all alone with no partner or support network. I'm 49 years old and feel that my life is over. 

Living with no hope, physical and mental symptoms, suicidal idealation, loneliness and despair coupled with financial stress makes me feel as though I just can't make it through this.

On 4/23/2024 at 10:56 AM, Bailey said:

Hi @Ninabird Thank you for dropping in. I'm having a really tough akathisia day. Just trying to hang on and hope tomorrow is better. Or even this afternoon or tonight I hope things quiet. I bet your puppy is oh-so-cute. I hope work goes well and that you get a window very very soon. Big hug from Virginia ❤️

 

On 4/25/2024 at 9:10 AM, Catwoman73 said:

Hi @ThreeLittleBirds- I'm new here, and wanted to say hello.  I'm so sorry for the difficulties you're having.  I'm no professional, but I have lots of experience with lots of drugs.  I can only tell you what I have experienced.  Whenever I have tried to reintroduce a drug that I had been off of for more than a couple of months, I had terrible side effects.  One almost killed me- I tried to restart Wellbutrin several years after stopping it with a rapid taper, and I developed a dangerous arrhythmia.  The only exception, interestingly, was Lexapro lol- the one that has caused you so many problems!  So I don't know- maybe trying something different might help you in the moment, but maybe not.  I don't think there are any easy answers here.   If you do try something new, I would start at a SUPER low dose.

 

I think the symptoms you are having a perfectly normal withdrawal effects.  It SUCKS.  I really do believe in non-drug methods of coping, but meditation and hard core exercise can certainly be impossible when you're in this state.  Aim smaller- do a short walk around the block.  Like 5 minutes. I like floating in water- I find it very calming.  Try journaling- even if all you can do at first is write one sentence.  I also enjoy spending time with animals- my pets get mauled with attention when I'm going through anything difficult- it has been scientifically proven to lower blood pressure and help with mental well-being.  I also find that accomplishing something- even something really small, like cleaning my cat's litter box- helps me feel a bit better in my own skin.  I think it reminds me that I am capable.  Just think small, and take things one minute at a time... you can do this!

On 2/1/2024 at 2:09 PM, ThreeLittleBirds said:

I'm 49 years old and feel that my life is over

I am sorry for the jumbled mess above...

Your life is not over. You are going through something horrible. You WILL get through this. I promise you. I have seen so many heal during my time on this site. I am sorry you are suffering. We are all here to support you. 

 

[Dahlia50]

@ThreeLittleBirds Hi,

It is a scary process. Dont know how to get through this either…

But somehow you do it day by day.

 

Losing control over life, body and emotions is beyond hard. Dont have a normal life now, dont know if I can keep apartment as I cannot work. Dont know either how everyone manages this when you risk losing most.

 

Just like you, angry at myself and the doctor who made me taper stupidly and way too fast. More than anything I deeply regret ever starting SSRIs.

 

Greatful for this forum, kind and supporting.
 

Hug to you 🌿🙏

[ThreeLittleBirds]

8 hours ago, Dahlia50 said:

@ThreeLittleBirds Hi,

It is a scary process. Dont know how to get through this either…

But somehow you do it day by day.

 

Losing control over life, body and emotions is beyond hard. Dont have a normal life now, dont know if I can keep apartment as I cannot work. Dont know either how everyone manages this when you risk losing most.

 

Just like you, angry at myself and the doctor who made me taper stupidly and way too fast. More than anything I deeply regret ever starting SSRIs.

 

Greatful for this forum, kind and supporting.
 

Hug to you 🌿🙏

Hi..

It is so scary and my family has blamed me for refusing to be positive and for being selfish and just thinking of myself.

I don't see the point sometimes...it feels like a very painful and slow death.

I'm 49 years old and wish I had a partner to comfort me and console me in my darkest moments.

Every night I pray not to wake up and my symptoms seem to be getting worse. I listen to people laugh and my heart breaks. I've done nothing today as my energy is totally depleted and I feel exhausted. And I've done nothing at all.

The anger at yourself and the doctor that irrevocably changed your life forever never goes away.

I can't eat today but I am weak. I slept more today but feel even worse. 

I wish none of us had to go through this...it feels so inhumane.

I wish I was more supportive guys but 6 months of this and I feel like I'm spiralling further past the point of no return

 

Hugs right back

 

[ThreeLittleBirds]

22 hours ago, Sonia009 said:

@ThreeLittleBirdsHi, I too am scared but I have been through withdrawal before and I came out of it so I must believe I can do so again. There is hope, many people have recovered, it just takes longer for some.

Just follow the advice offered from moderators, don't be afraid to ask questions.

Try and eat healthily, don't starve yourself like a I did where my weight plummeted.

Try to sleep, listening to relaxing sleep music on youtube helps me.

If you can go outside for walks that would be great, I'm struggling with this at the moment.

Don't overdo things, if you are doing anything strenuous, take a break, pace yourself.

Stay clear of anything that stresses you like watching the news of even watching tv in general.

If you have friends/family try and chat with them even if it's only for a little while.

If you feel anxious or panicky concentrate on your breathing and take your mind to better places such as thinking about good holidays you've had or other good experiences.

One day at a time, baby steps.

Best wishes.🙏😊

 

Hi...you seem so strong to me. It must be very comforting to know that you've done it once already so you have proof that you are more than capable.

Unfortunately I do not have friends or family members to reach out to. My family are not very kind to me and I have no real support or understanding there.

I'm praying for a miracle and really hope that I am strong enough to reach the end of this battle, still standing

 

[ThreeLittleBirds]

14 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

If you want to reply to a specific person just type the @ symbol and then type the person 's name. A list of names will appear and just click on the right name. 

Absolutely WD affects our brain power but we are in this with you so we get it lol. It teaches us to laugh at ourselves for sure. One silver lining. 👍

I think many of us can relate. My sister would get along great with your family I am sure. Try not to dwell on that because that is their lack not yours. It would be like saying to someone with cancer- get over it. 

I went cold turkey as well and I am sure you would never beat me up saying I was stupid and did this to myself right? Don't say those same words to yourself. This is an iatrogenic illness. It is caused by the medication and doctors. We are not to blame. We trusted the professionals just like we do going to a lawyer or an accountant. This is not our fault and there is nothing to forgive yourself for. ❤️

It's hard but try to put your energy into being positive. Writing out 3 things a day that you are grateful for no matter how small. It could be the blue sky, a hot shower or a soft pillow. Your body knows what to do- accept the process. You are going to be okay. 💯

A lot of my family members are getting angry that I'm not being more positive. 

I'm trying but I think my anxiety is sky rocketing and the loneliness doesn't help.

No I would not call you stupid at all and wish you and everybody on this forum peace and to break free from the pain and agony that comes with withdrawals.

I hope we are all okay....sooner rather than later.

[ThreeLittleBirds]

13 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

Hi @ThreeLittleBirds- please don't beat yourself up- none of us deserve this.  I have been on and off these drugs for most of the last 30 years, and this is the first time I have done a slow taper- I always just trusted my doctors.  Honestly, I think the doctors have even been duped by big Pharma propaganda.  I really think the blame for this lies waaaay up the food chain.  We're all victims.

 

After many CT stops over the years, I will say that you need to be incredibly gentle with yourself right now.  Eating healthy is great, and will help you stay healthy in the long run, but right now, if what appeals to you is a huge cheeseburger, I say go for it!  And exercise- a nice walk around the block is probably enough right now- you want exercise to make you feel good.  I get the feeling you are a bit of a type A personality, like me lol.  Sometimes it's hard to let go of our expectations of perfection for ourselves, but now is not the time!  If you're struggling to give yourself permission to just do what feels right, I'm here giving you permission lol!  Eat what you want, give up on the intense exercise for now, be in the moment- you don't have to fake happiness.  Allow yourself to experience the negative emotions, and remind yourself that they WILL pass.  

 

I know you're struggling to talk with people right now (me too!), but I have found a good therapist that I can be brutally honest with has this has been a game changer.  I don't always feel like going to my appointments.  But I remind myself that I never regret going, but I might just regret NOT going.  And then I go.  I, too, have childhood trauma, and at age 51, I'm just starting to deal with it now.  It's incredibly liberating, and it has helped me stay much more Zen through my current suffering.   I'm sorry your family is not supportive- I suppose I'm very lucky in that respect.  Do you have friends (or even one friend) that you can rely on and confide in?  

Hi there...

Unfortunately I don't have much moral support and can't afford a therapist. Since this has been quite debilitating in all aspects of my life, it also adds on financial stress.

This would have to been one of the hardest fights in my life. At 49, I seriously need a job and because of the withdrawals...I'm incapable of doing daily tasks.  

I really wish I was married for support and owned my own home so I wouldn't have to worry about homelessness being a part of my future. My life looks really bleak and I worry about so many things. 

I'm trying to stay positive but bills don't care that you're going through withdrawals. Life and commitments still have to be met.

I do seriously wonder how people survive financially while battling all these symptoms.

[Dahlia50]

@ThreeLittleBirds  Feels like we are in a similar state.
My father gets angry because I don't see hope/positive but feel like you its hard when you are so sick in this situation. I am 50 years old, also wish I had a partner. Doubtful to be able to have a partner when you don't function at all.

Feel exactly like you, don't know if I wake up and cant understand how it gets worse. 7 months off and it's going in the wrong direction. Can hardly eat, weak. Can't go for walks. Sleep doesent help. Also no energy and can't do anything. Hard for me to write this because it's against my real personality but that's how it is. Looks like you also tried to reinstate. I'm thinking of reinstating 1mg but don't know if I dare. 

 

💛🌿

[Dahlia50]

@ThreeLittleBirds  Feels like we are in a similar state.
My father gets angry because I don't see hope/positive but feel like you its hard when you are so sick in this situation. I am 50 years old, wish I had a partner too. Yes, also worried about how manage financially and keep apartment. I was fine before so to be thrown into this is a bit of a shock.

Feel exactly like you, don't know if I wake up and cant understand how it gets worse. 7 months off and it's going in the wrong direction. Can hardly eat, weak. Can't go for walks. Sleep doesent help. Looks like you also tried to reinstate. I'm thinking of reinstating 1mg but don't know if I dare. 
Also no energy and can't do anything. Hard for me to write this because it's against my real personality but that's how it is.

 

💛🌿

[Emonda]

15 minutes ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

This would have to been one of the hardest fights in my life

 

It's certainly tough, but the fight is well worth it. Although my wife is a great support, it's still been difficult at times. For you, not having a close support network, certainly makes it more challenging. This online community is a wealth of kindness, support and knowledge, and members will do what they can to cheer you on.

 

If things are really grim, Lifeline is there 24/7.

 

Are you receiving some sort of financial support from Centrelink? If you are, I appreciate the amount falls well short of what's ideal. If you aren't, that would be worth exploring.

 

There are homelessness/crisis accommodation options in Brisbane if it ever came to that.

 

...I've got to run now, but will pop back later.

 

Emonda

 

[ThreeLittleBirds]

2 hours ago, Dahlia50 said:

@ThreeLittleBirds  Feels like we are in a similar state.
My father gets angry because I don't see hope/positive but feel like you its hard when you are so sick in this situation. I am 50 years old, also wish I had a partner. Doubtful to be able to have a partner when you don't function at all.

Feel exactly like you, don't know if I wake up and cant understand how it gets worse. 7 months off and it's going in the wrong direction. Can hardly eat, weak. Can't go for walks. Sleep doesent help. Also no energy and can't do anything. Hard for me to write this because it's against my real personality but that's how it is. Looks like you also tried to reinstate. I'm thinking of reinstating 1mg but don't know if I dare. 

 

💛🌿

I'm so sorry to hear that you are facing similar problems. I've been cold turkey since 30th of October 2023 and tried to reinstate approx last week. I did 1mg of Lexapro and it was a traumatic experience, that brought on itchy skin, anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia. I stopped it after 5 days. I will be honest and say I am now absolutely terrified of Lexapro. 

I sometimes think do I try Paroxetine???... but I am so traumised by this withdrawals experience and all the repercussions of even small reinstatement of SSRI'S.

I live in terror now, just like you...I feel lost and overwhelmed by this nightmare. I have been off for 6 months (except for the small reinstatement trial) and it really feels hopeless.

I know I sound bleak but if I can't be honest with you guys...who can I be honest with?

 

I wish we could support each other irl and share our experiences and cheer each other on. I really feel lost and I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

[ThreeLittleBirds]

2 hours ago, Emonda said:

 

It's certainly tough, but the fight is well worth it. Although my wife is a great support, it's still been difficult at times. For you, not having a close support network, certainly makes it more challenging. This online community is a wealth of kindness, support and knowledge, and members will do what they can to cheer you on.

 

If things are really grim, Lifeline is there 24/7.

 

Are you receiving some sort of financial support from Centrelink? If you are, I appreciate the amount falls well short of what's ideal. If you aren't, that would be worth exploring.

 

There are homelessness/crisis accommodation options in Brisbane if it ever came to that.

 

...I've got to run now, but will pop back later.

 

Emonda

 

Hi Emonda,

I'm on a Carer's payment for my mum...she has 2 brain tumours. Some days I struggle to do her grocery shopping and visit her. I usually have to throw myself on her bed or couch because it uses all of my energy doing little errands for her.

I'm well aware of Lifeline and Beyond Blue. I would recommend Beyond Blue more because they are counsellors whereas Lifeline are only volunteers. But when in need, I definitely recommend people which out. 

I however have reached out so many times I know the Lifeline spiel by heart and it no longer provides me with hope. 

This online community is beautiful and I already appreciate you guys and the kindness and support so generously offered to me.

 

Much love and gratitude to everybody here 😊😊😊

[Dahlia50]

@ThreeLittleBirds I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Lost and traumatized by this.
I did kind of Cold turkey October 2023 as well. Wish I reinstated early on. So you tried reinstate 1mg, I’m sorry it didn't go well. It would probably be the same for me. But wish something would help.
 

It's okay to be honest, it's hard to write about how bad this is but it is what it is. Also wish we could support each other irl but at least we can get some support here…

 

💛

[Sonia009]

5 hours ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

Hi...you seem so strong to me. It must be very comforting to know that you've done it once already so you have proof that you are more than capable.

Unfortunately I do not have friends or family members to reach out to. My family are not very kind to me and I have no real support or understanding there.

I'm praying for a miracle and really hope that I am strong enough to reach the end of this battle, still standing

 

@ThreeLittleBirdsYou will get through this but it takes time unfortunately. I'm sorry you have so many other issues going on in your home life, it can't be easy. 

You say you have no friends or family support. I know you probably don't feel up to doing anything about that yet but once you start to feel a little better and able to cope you could try reaching out to people, just like you are doing here, but in person. Your not going to meet people staying at home. Where I live we have a place of worship that offers coffee mornings for instance, people bring along items they want to sell. It's a great way of meeting people and joining a little community. You may find someone with shared interests and develop things from there. Is there a community centre, library  in your area? These may offer courses such as knit and natter, Tai Chi, art, learning new languages, quizes among many others.

Volunteer work is another option, care homes, hospitals, schools You haven't got to give a great deal of your time, they would appreciate anything.

Sometimes just talking to people whilst your out, at a supermarket for example, will give you the confidence to mix with others.

I realise you are not up for any of this just yet but I hope I've given something for you to think about.

When I am up to it I go for coffee mornings at my local Church, I do a lot of knitting for the Church also, I've attended art classes, keep fit classes. I'm not doing this at the moment but will again one day.

Try to stay positive if you can, this won't  last forever.🙏😊

[LostInCanada]

9 hours ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

No I would not call you stupid at all and wish you and everybody on this forum peace and to break free from the pain and agony that comes with withdrawals.

Wish yourself the same. You did nothing wrong. ♥️

9 hours ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

I'm trying but I think my anxiety is sky rocketing and the loneliness doesn't help.

Check out Claire Weekes book Hope and Help for Your Nerves. Can you take a free online CBT course or grab a book at the library on it? 

We have Libby here in Canada for taking out online books. I find reading fiction that doesn't take brain power helpful as a distraction. I have even been reading kid's books.

6 hours ago, ThreeLittleBirds said:

I'm on a Carer's payment for my mum...she has 2 brain tumours. Some days I struggle to do her grocery shopping and visit her

You have alot on your plate. You are doing amazing really. One day at a time.