☼ Skybert: needs help - delayed onset Lexapro withdrawal

[bubble]

great!!!! I'm all for activity: spent 5 hours roaming around in nature on Saturday and then another 5 again on Sunday so yesterday felt great.

 

move, move, move ))

[skybert]

"Sigh" I have an mri head scan today. Really concerned about it. Laying flat and not move for long periods is going to be a killer. Don't want to take anything for it either, afraid it could aggravate my symptoms. 

Wish me luck:)

[areyouthere]

Lots of luck & hugs sent!!!

 

RU

[skybert]

Nope I was not able to do it:\ I got claustrophobic and panicked. Not a big shock but it is disappointing. I really thought I could do it, but then the loud noises started and I felt it down my spine. Oh well. There is probably nothing to uncover anyways.

Hoping for a window feeling very strange. Just relieved It's over. 

[mammaP]

Sorry you felt so bad you had to abort the scan Skybert.  It would have been stressful 

leading up to it too, hopefully you will start to feel a little better now it's out of the way. 

I hate them too but not actually phobic. I lie there and concentrate hard on the machine,

count the clicks or the nuts and bolts them multipy them and so on. I can't really

concentrate or do any of the sums but it passes the time trying! 

 

Hope you have a window soon. 

[skybert]

Thank you mammaP:)

The plan was to visualize an gaming event and kind of play it in my head, but it all went out the window the second I was in the machine. I lasted 1min in full survival mode! Oh well.. 

My legs are better and hardly any dizziness. Still some GI issues and feel really strange and disconnected. 

It will pass...

 

Hugs

[skybert]

Spending the days on the floor, tired, scared, disconnected, confused, sad, dizzy and severe GI issues. Nothing wrong with me, just protracted WD. Wørd!

Looking into a rapping carer after this.(Oh apparently I've lost my mind to.)

Hugs

[bubble]

oh sky this beast we are on is soooo wild! can't believe it is taking so long.

 

But you are fighting a very brave battle with a high dose of self-prescribed humour

 

I was reading your rap trying to see if any of the lines from a few days ago was left out but it seems they are all still there, grrrr

 

but the floor is safe: you can't fall

[skybert]

Haha I get what you say, but please don't look at the whole thing as a rap attempt. It was just the last sentence:D You probably didn't do that but I just need to make sure!;D Don't know what got into me. Don't care about rap at all. Oh well probably the end of that carer right there. 

I'm feeling better right now. Maybe the wave is over soon, I can feel a little bit of normalcy now. Looking forward to it. Been playing a little computer online on the floor with some friends this evening. Always a good sign when I get an itch to play games.

Yes I'm a nerd, yes I can fix your computer.(don't spread the word)

Thank you for checking in on me bubble:)  

[LexAnger]

Before I find time reading the entire thread, a quick experience sharing on lexapro. If anyone is taking the generic form of lex, please be aware of their differences. I was switched to generic in 2012 without self awareness soon after it is available in the market, and the nightmare started with severe and constant (24/7) jaw pain, neck and shoulder pain on the left side which eventually leading to panic attack. After 1.5 years on the generic, I switched back to name brand, and now almost 5 months ever since, the pain just started lesson in a minimal manner. Be careful and check if you are on generic and getting any new and worsening symptoms on top of original ones. I did lots of research on various aspects of Ssri and their withdrawal, will share more once a chance.

[bubble]

just paying a visit to my friends here to see how they are doing (in hope it's at least a bit better)

 

Re generic vs brand name I don't have this issue since in our country we don't even have the brand name, just a generic... But it's a very good point since I noticed with my other poison that the generic simply didn't have the same 'kick'...

[skybert]

Hi LexAnger, thank you for sharing your experience. I don't know much about this. I have only been using escitalopram from actavis since day one, just in 20mg,10mg and 5mg form. I would not know anything about anything else or different symptoms from something else. I will however refuse any other generic lex and stick with this until I'm done. Thank you for pointing the importance of this out:) Ahhh I remeber yesterday when my pharmacist pointed out to me that taking 5mg of esctialopram was such a low dose that my body probably wouldn't even notice if I took it. I told her to educate herself, and then I had to get out of there before I exploded. "Sigh"

 

Hi bubble:) I am still kind of disconnected and strange, but nothing I can't handle. I still have a lot of GI issues and I have a really hard time walking, standing and sitting upright. I get really dizzy and wobbly from doing any of them. Always bloated. Changing strange sensations in my arms and legs and I have to move all the time. They kind of go numb and hurt. Head pressure all day long. But it all seems and feels like it's related to my GI issues. When my stomach is acting up it all amplifies and it doesn't seem to matter what I'm doing or where I am. It's just there and I have just as hard a time standing and walking at home as any place else. Car rides is really hard. I go crazy when I can't lay down and my stomach get's really upset if I do anything besides laying down. I have tried to "walk it of" but there seems to be something weird going on and I can't seem to figure it out. Starting to get a little concerned about it and maybe I now need to get it checked out. I have given it a lot of time now and tried different foods and cutting out supplements but it seems to be pretty much the same no matter what I do. I feel like I need a walker and always looking for stuff to lean against to not fall when I walk. 

GI issues, and dizziness have always been problem ever since I started on this crap, but nothing like this except for the startup and acute WD. And I have lost 70 pounds in 6 months without trying. (Totally getting a speedo, but I miss you pizza:\)  

[Petunia]

 

GI issues, and dizziness have always been problem ever since I started on this crap, but nothing like this except for the startup and acute WD. And I have lost 70 pounds in 6 months without trying.

 

I had GI discomfort on and off the whole time I was on Escitalopram, but didn't make the connection until I was off it and those symptoms went away completely.  I'm wondering if this symptom is more a reaction to the drug, rather than withdrawal.

 

Since reinstating last September and with the small updoses, have you felt any improvement at all?  If reinstatement is going to work, it will provide relief from symptoms, usually within several weeks.  If a small reinstatement provides a little relief, sometimes, going slightly higher can provide more and then a person can begin to stabilize.  But if no relief is found, no matter what the dose, its probably that reinstatement isn't going to work.

• Sometimes reinstatement does not work. The nervous system has taken such a hard hit from withdrawal, it's destabilized beyond whatever effect the drug might have had.
• Sometimes reinstatement not only does not work, it causes an adverse reaction from a nervous system sensitized by withdrawal.

Here is the reinstatement topic:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3079-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-stop-withdrawal-symptoms/

 

Its difficult to know if symptoms are coming from withdrawal, or adverse reactions to a drug from a sensitized nervous system.  I'm wondering if perhaps you would do better with a reduction.

[bubble]

that's a thought Petu. 

 

The thing that baffles me about skybert is that he was doing very well. reinstated in September after 3 months off, he upped the dose slightly, last time in November and it seemed the reinstatemnet worked. he was so well he was even absent from the forum and living his life and only came back in preparation of taper.

 

And then for no reason we were able to identify things got really bad. Like in early WD. Not sure actually if his symptoms with dizziness and difficulties walking were so pronounced. It is so strong that it almost seems physiological to me (but probably it is not). Sky had a MRI scheduled to rule it out but couldn't go through it...

 

I'm just trying to get a perspective on things...

 

But this idea of trying a reduction (especially after holding for 5 months if I'm right) sounds very valuable. I look forward to hearing more opinions.

[skybert]

I'm thinking the same thing Petu. And when I look back on everything now I don't think the reinstatement actually helped. It helped me feel like I had some kind of control over the situation but how much it actually helped the overall process I don't know. The GI issues are meds related and I really feel I just need to get of them now to heal completely. My body is messed up and the GI issues are getting worse and worse.

 

My dear bubble I never left completely. Life never went back to normal. It was more manageable, and I could feel like myself again sometimes and that gave me hope, and that's all I needed:) There where many times I wanted to write something but I did not. One of the main reasons was that I felt like an selfish ******* who only came on here to get support but hardly ever gave any. That's not the type of person I want to be and usually I'm not like that and I feel really bad about it. I'm not going to make any excuses. I'm sorry. I'll try harder from now on.

 

I'm ready to try a taper. 2,7mg starting tomorrow. Escitalopram you lose.

[bubble]

I understand. You are doing more than enough. No need to feel bad about anything. But I also hate being robbed of what I'm usually like and who I am...

 

It's just that I found writing to others makes me feel better. Sometimes that's the only thing I can do. It calms me down, it's like I gather not only my witts but a sufficient amount of myself to be able to do other things.

 

If others don't object, let's go down!10 % will keep things under control... 

[skybert]

Oh bubble:) you said "let's go down" like together. That made me feel safe. Thank you:)

I'm not doing more than enough, I'm selfish. It needs to stop. But let's not talk more about it. I don't want anyone to tell me it's okay to be this selfish. That's not why I said it. I'm apologizing and that's it. I'll try harder.

 

Thank you bubble:) 

[bubble]

ok, you're stubborn so we'll drop the topic )) 

 

 

and I wrote "let's go down" on purpose

[skybert]

Still 3mg. Not sure what to do. My stomach seems somewhat better. I stopped taking vitamin C and zinc. It might have helped:P

I think my problem might have been to little food in my system. (Or maybe I like the illusion of control.) Body still pretty messed up though. The walking stuff and dizziness is still a major issue.

 

Laters:)

[bubble]

just dropping by to see how things are going...

 

I know it can't be easy... 

[skybert]

Thanks bubble:) 

To much brain-fog to write today.

Hugs 

[bubble]

I'm glad I found enough energy to pay you a visit.

 

big hug

[skybert]

Sorry you are having a hard time. And thank you for checking in on me even when you struggle. 

This wave or whatever it is, is kicking my butt really hard. I don't even know what it is anymore. I don't know what to say. It has taken everything out of me. My body is seriously messed up. I don't know how to fight this beast. I get no moments of clearness at all. I'm slow, stupid, can't concentrate, confused, derailed, scared and depressed. I wish I could get some "hope in the evening" feel back. I get nothing!

Sorry for being a bummer.

 

Hugs. 

[bubble]

I feel slightly better myself. Quite better actually. But this experience was "useful" to remind me of what it feels like being extinguished as you describe: slow and stupid and like being cut off from the most of my brain.

 

How long has this been going on without change? I know it's been way too long. I just lost track. last thing I remember was the plan to drop the dose...

 

I admire your endurance. and please don't apologise for anything. You are just displaying an enormous courage.  

[skybert]

I don't even know anymore. It's all just a blur. I haven't been keeping track good enough. But symptoms are changing so I guess it's a good sign. But there have been several crisis type things going on for over a month now. My body is in terrible shape. I got no energy, GI issues are still there but somewhat better I guess. So very dizzy all the time. Lying down is pretty much the only thing that helps. I'm pretty sure my GI issues are related to the meds only, but I'm to afraid to touch anything. I don't know what will happen. This could all be just a very long strange wave that will end soon or it's a reaction to the meds that needs to get out of my system to further my progress. But considering tapering while in bad shape sounds like a terrible idea, right? 

This is so hard. I thought I was on the right path and doing everything right, but now I have no idea anymore. 

[bubble]

yes, it's so, so frustrating...But we have a great think-thank here and I believe they will come up with something.

 

I don't meddle with drugs and dosages but got enthusiastic about Petu's idea in your case to try to reduce by a tiny bit and see what happens.

 

But i totally understand how we are terrified of making any move that could make us feel even worse.

 

However, very small changes should be easy to control and if it doesn't agree with you, you can go up again. You've been holding for 5 months now.

 

Let's hear what others have to say.

 

I'm glad you checked in...

 

big hug

[skybert]

That's the thing. I can't really tell where I am in the "process" I never recognize certain states of being. They are always changing. Somewhat related but always different. I try to see this as positive sign, but they scare me badly and makes me very confused. Then I get some clearness every now and then until my mind wanders back to all the terrible stuff going on, and anticipation anxiety takes over. Kind of like winning and losing against myself. I believe I will be back to myself at some point, but it seems like an unsolvable puzzle right now.

I really don't know what to do at this point. I guess a 10% drop is not going to kill me. I never really felt like meds reinstatement helped much anyways. I think I was to far out, and what happened would have happened anyways. Impossible to know off course, but now at least it feels like they do more harm than good. 
But it's going to be hard to tell what is causing what in this state, but at least then I can point back at the drop and give me an illusion of control and that's what I need and is a big part of my recovery problem. I'm always "on" always try to be prepared so I don't lose my mind or something. Which is the complete opposite way I would advice anyone to handle a situation like this, but in WD that does not seem to mater much.

Yeah I know i'm not making much sense so I better stop. Bad day. 

Thanks bubble:) hope you are having a good day.

[bubble]

you are making a lot of sense actually

 

being in the role of somebody who attempts to advise and asks for advice, I very often see that I behave as you said: opposite than I would advise It's so hard to take a position of a neutral observer towards oneself.

 

Since being decisive is not my biggest strength (especially about something I don't know enough about), I can't tell you go and do it.

 

But what you are saying makes a lot of sense. And when and if you do it, I'll be around (more or less battered

 

What about a 5 % cut if we can't agree on the 10 %?

[skybert]

Hi bubble:) (Hooray! I make sense!) Are we not agreeing on the dosage cut? I think 10% sounded fine:P 5% sounds boring. Maybe we wait until Saturday and make it like a drop party. I can't really handle a normal party so a drop party is the way to go. If the party sucks I drop 1mg instead, that should make the party more interesting. That could potentially take 6 months to recover from, but being an entertaining host comes first! Parteey!

 

 

But on a serious note. Thank you for the reply and I think I will try a 10% drop tomorrow:)

 

Sigh at my crippling anxiety. I tried driving to work today but I had to turn around. It was like hitting a wall or something. I just could not do it. Normally I can power through these things but not today. The DR was so strong and the more I push the worse I get. My brain just shuts down when I get like that. It's really frustrating.  

 

Hugs 

 

[bubble]

It looks like we have a deal

 

and your ingenious humour is back )) sorry about the driving. That's one of the reasons I use public transport and go part of the way on foot.

 

Sometimes it's good if we gently push ourselves into an activity (such as work) and sometimes it's better if we just listen to our body and brain. The way I manage is to alternate periods of (if needs be, forced) activity and passivity. 

 

so tomorrow is the day...

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Taking magnesium in doses of 100mg with my 3 meals and 200mg before bed has done an amazing job of reducing my anxiety. That sick feeling in my stomach just doesn't happen any more. I may still get thoughts that would normally give me anxiety but I am able to power through them and do what I have to do, like grocery shopping or going to a job.

 

Just the plain kind is what works, make sure it does not come with calcium. Mag glycinate seems to be best, mag citrate works too. Well absorbed and no bowel upset.

 

You might want to give them a try like I did.

[bubble]

sky, you did mention taking supplements in your posts somewhere but maybe it would be good to put them in your signature?

 

If I remember it correctly, you are taking magnesium?

[skybert]

Yup I currently take magnesium and vitamin D. I used to take vitamin C and zink to but I stopped to try and figure out the stomach stuff. I've been looking into my daily food intake now, and I think part of the problem could be that I'm eating to little. Which makes sense since I've lost so much weight. I will force myself to eat more now. I had a huge dinner today and my stomach is pretty okayish atm. I guess eating have become somewhat of a chore these days, because of all the GI issues and intolerance stuff so I just don't do it enough. I hate making food that takes time making, and now I have to. So a lot of the time I end up with an apple or something like that:P

 

My magnesium have calcium in it though I'll order one without it and try taking smaller doses throughout the day instead of one large in the morning like you said cymb. Thanks for the advice:)

 

I'll update my signature bubble:) I did not reduce the meds dosage yet. I'll hold a little longer and see how this food stuff plays out first. 

[bubble]

The devil is in the details, sky! 

 

Maybe mixing magnesium with calcium means it renders it ineffecient for our purposes... 

 

I don't mind at all dropping the plan: that's what plans are for

 

now I also have some ideas that you might want to try some other supplements people found helpful (but starting with one at a very low dose and seeing how it will affect you).

 

Petu and other members wrote about their positive or mixed positive experiences with Taurine. There's also folate (not folic acid) and niacin. Have you tried omega 3? They work for most people.

 

Im not a good example for supplements. Although I have ordered a whole set of the real thing all the way from America, I had a feeling they gave me a strange feeling so I stopped taking them or take them irregularly such as magnesium. (At first I had omega 3 supplement with low EPA/DHA concentration and then I think I bought the one that was too strong and made me feel funny in the head. Which I don't need on top of everything. Since patience is not one of my virtues, I gave it a break but might start using them again differently.

 

Something I didn't know about you is your weight loss! I have a totally opposite problem! I don't complain about it because compared to panic attacks, insomnia and such beauties, weight gain seems like a minor nuisance. But it's not and it brings health hazards. I've always been on a slim side, even too skinny as a kid. But since I've been on this Lex thing I had to buy a whole new set of one or even 2 sizes bigger clothes! I'm just bubbling. At first I didn't connect it with the drug. I like cooking and eating, was stressed and not physically active enough so I contributed it to that. But I couldn't help noticing that my appetite has become like a cave man's: totally incontrollable and soooo strong. I was thinking it was due to hormones or thyroid and then I checked Lexapro side effects and there it was. 

 

But I think it also says weight loss...  GI issues are bad since they prevent us from getting nutrients from the food even if we are eating the proper food and in the right amount. So it might be that lots of your problems could be connected with nutrition and lack of certain stuff. Check Petu's thread with her recent discovery on the importance of folate (it's very complex article she attached but she conveyed the gist in such a way that the rest of us can understand it).

 

Maybe the right nutrients could be the key to your recovery...

[skybert]

Weight gain and weight loss are quite common to my understanding. I have always been chubby and sometimes fat. Never ever been skinny. I started losing weight the second I started taking lex I started gaining some back after awhile, but in WD it's just been going one way and with GI issues most days. Craving for fast carbs was huge when I started on the meds, but I stayed away from it most of the time cause I gain weight really fast. 

 

These last days I have been testing a little, and I am pretty sure all my GI issues are the meds only and nothing else. Like this morning I woke up fine. Shaved took a shower. Put on some nice clothing and felt pretty good about most things. Then I took my meds at 11:00 and 30mins later my stomach started acting up again I got really dizzy and had trouble walking again. I'm so tempted to just quit CT right now.. I will not do that, but I have this feeling that the meds are holding me back. (I know I've said this before:P) Back to the plan. I'll go down to 2,7mg starting tomorrow.

I'll look into to folate.

Laters:) 

[bubble]

was just thinking of giving you a poke

 

let's see what happens tomorrow

 

(and if it's not that tomorow, then some other tomorrow )