☼ Skybert: needs help - delayed onset Lexapro withdrawal

[bubble]

how is everything?

[skybert]

Thank you for checking in on me bubble:) 

Looks like this very long and very strange wave is coming to an end. I feel almost normal. I did not change anything:P 

I even went to a party last night. Nothing I planed it just happened.  I almost cant believe I did, and I was fine the whole time. My dose is still 3mg.

It's strange to feel normal. Probably the most normal I have felt in 2 years or so. This makes me very happy. The WD stuff is just kind of melted away right now. 

Big hugs to my support team! Thanks for all the help through this strange wave, and especially you bubble!

I will keep you guys posted on how this plays out over the coming days.

[bubble]

wow party boy! 

 

that wave was one nasty beast...

 

but it's amazing how things change without changing the meds! and especially how the sun unexpectedly appears just after the worst of the storm... 

 

enjoy the window and hope the waves stay away!

[skybert]

I know, it's so strange. That wave was so long and changing so much I kind of lost track of everything. I still get some "crazy" spells every now and then but they pass pretty quickly. The way it changes like a light switch is so weird sometimes. I'm not quite back to normal yet, but it feels closer than ever now. 

Thanks bubble:)

 

Laters

[bubble]

guess what?

 

I've been (sort of) wondering what Laters means and sort of concluded it was a kind of greeting in Norwegian. The other day I gave it more attention and started thinking it might be your name. But maybe it's not??? How silly is this

[skybert]

Haha no it's not my name:P It's just slang for "talk later" or something like that. My name is Christoffer:) 

Still doing good btw:)

 

Talk to you later bubble:P

[bubble]

lol )))

 

do good, do good

 

Laters

[skybert]

Still doing good:)

Just a little dizzy sometimes and minor flareups once in a while. Was at work for 3 hours, changed tires and light-bulbs on my car, went food shopping and installed a car stereo on my friends car. No anxiety at all. My energy is back and I want to do things. 

This is the best I have felt in about two years. The meds was causing ALL of my troubles. Nothing else. It becomes clearer and clearer. I'm not anxious, I'm not having a existential crisis, I'm not afraid, I'm not depressed, I'm not bipolar, I'm not weak, I'm not obsessed, I don't have OCD, I'm not suicidal. 

I was just drugged by my doctor, and that was it.

 

Laters:) 

[skybert]

Not doing to good today. I think I might be sick though. Hard to tell in WD:\ Hope its not a heavy wave coming.

Hugs

[bubble]

I can never tell if I'm sick sick or if it is withdrawal. Thought it was WD only to find out after 3 weeks I had a bacterial infection.

 

Regardless, being sick in withdrawal is even less fun than being sick usually. One aggravates the other. But we survive!

[skybert]

Depression.. sigh! Indescribable WD depression, blown out of proportions, not "real" but what a terrible state to be in. Looking forward to when it switches of. Could be the next hour or next week.. 
Just venting. 

 

Hugs

[bubble]

thanks for sharing...

 

I started understanding now why my therapists would always ask me what I meant by being depressed. I don't know how else to help except to encourage to paint the beast in more detail: what it really looks like. Sounds like a quick exchange of windows and waves... After a nice window, a wave comes very nasty. But hopefully short lived.

 

a big hug back!

[skybert]

Thank you for the reply bubble:) Brain-fog today. So slow and stupid, no depth to my reflection. 

I dropped to 2.7mg is morning. Let's go!

 

Hugs

[bubble]

you can't be clever every day

 

we'll see what happens now after the drop. When you feel like it, it would be good to mark this date in your signature. 10 May 2.7 mg

 

hugs

[skybert]

Done! Sorry for not updating it before like I promised. I forgot:\

[bubble]

no prob

[skybert]

Rough day. My head is messing with me big time. I even touched the suicide subject today. What the buck. I think I need to go back on 3mg for now. Don't know why I tried messing with that stuff now. I just had a window, enter a wave and then decide to try and taper?! Sometimes I'm so stupid I scare myself. What am I thinking? I should know better! I just kept having this suspicion that the meds are holding me back. Confusing times. Feeling so strange. Everything is just a blur. Don't know if this is the taper or what. Probably not. But who knows. I wish it was a little more linear progress. It used to be. Now I don't know anymore. Indescribable feelings, depression, disconnect. Why is this happening this far out? 

I have gone from hopeless to hopeful 4 times just writing this. 

 

Rant end. Just a wave I'll be fine. No I won't. Yes I will. 

Hugs

[skybert]

.

[bubble]

we'll think of something Sky...

 

it takes 4 days for the change of the dose to register so I wouldn't say it's that. And we decided on this together so, I'm sorry, but you are not the only stupid person here

 

The fact that things are changing, going from hopeful to hopeless is actually a good sign. And people do get in awful waves even very far out ;( What about this suicide thing? Has this happened ever before? 

 

we'll beat this beast.

 

big hug!

[Altostrata]

Skybert, if these symptoms get too bad, you might go back to 3mg. Perhaps a pattern of 5% decreases would be better for you.

[skybert]

Hi guys:) I know it's not the dosage change that is causing this. Just my control need that is grasping for something. Suicide bullsh*t is not new. Just been a long time since it was a subject. And it's not so much planing it it's more a can't stand to be alive like this thing. Very common in WD to my understanding. I'm worked up now since I'm in a depression face or something. Nothing scares me more than depression. I take on the floor fighting with whatever else over depression. Depression is the lowest of the low for me and takes everything out of me. Fortunately deep depression is not something I have struggled to much with. Just short bouts and I'm dealing with it now, but my because of my condition I am not able to see an end to it (right) now, and it is very hard. But it is fluctuating throughout the day so I guess it will leave me alone soon. WD depression is strong stuff to handle. It strikes so hard.

I guess I'm just very upset that my window left me again. The last wave was so long ever changing and nasty that I thought I would stay good for a while. Heck I was planing what I would write in my success story 5 days ago:)

 

Still doing 2.7mg and will stick with that for a while and see what happens.

 

Thanks for the comments:)

Hugs

[mammaP]

Sorry your window closed on you Skybert.  Hope it opens again soon. 

[skybert]

Thank you mammaP:)

[areyouthere]

Oh Skybert,

 

What a disappointment thy are in….. I'm so sorry for that. Holding at 2.7mg to see if it gets better is what I probably would do too but not sure. Like you said, depression is really the pits though so if going back to 3 mg takes care of it… oh well. Try try again.

 

Hang in there and keep us posted. Thinking of you. 

 

RU

[skybert]

Thank you:) Changing symptoms and mood all the time now. Hope it's a good sign. Disconnects, GI issues and problems with my legs. Confusing stuff. Somewhat depressed, but not as much. More mind-numbingly bored with life right now. Oh how I hate depression stuff!

 

Hugs  

[skybert]

Doing better. Just afraid of depression flareups pretty much. Minor GI issues and body pains, but that's nothing compared to depression! 

Hugs:)

[bubble]

So 4 days after the cut you are doing better!

 

It might mean we are doing the right thing (in the land where all bets are off)

 

and a new avatar to celebrate

[skybert]

Doing pretty good:) Don't know if it is the cut or what.  In the land where all bets are off, cutting probably can be the answer sometimes.

Thanks bubble:)  Cowabunga dude!

[skybert]

Still pretty good:) Minor GI and dizzy.

Laters

[bubble]

great to hear!

[skybert]

Still pretty good. Just GI issues and dizzy, but those are connected so no surprise there. 

[skybert]

Flu-like symptoms and changing mood. Let's go! 

[skybert]

Depression again. Not going to get worked up about it. Just let it be there and try to ignore it as much as possible. Reduced thinking ability. Almost the same as last time. Hope it passes soon. Depression is so scary. That's when I feel like I'm loosing the battle. 

Hugs

[bubble]

hello Sky and sorry I didn't reply sooner. I somehow hope that by now depression has loosened its grip on you...

 

that's why depression is what it is: it makes us feel we are losing at all fronts. But this is just a feeling. We know it's just a reaction of brain on its way to recovery.

 

did you see this image? http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6420-a-little-imaging-encapsulating-our-recovery/

 

look forward to hearing from you

[skybert]

Hi. Thanks bubble:) I'm sorry to. Sorry I'm not more like you! I'll make a song about you after this.

Everything is just a blur, not sure whats going on. Incredibly bored. Having trouble seeing what in the world I will fill the rest of my time on this planet with. Probably some kind of depression still. But it feels like it's starting to lift a little every now and then. And why wouldn't I be bored. I don't live my life much these days anyways, but I'm hesitant to engage much to cause I don't know what crap that will stir up if I do. I try to push but it's hard. I get dizzy and detached so easily.

I'm so filled with negativity now. I try to figure it out, but like with all the other symptoms the only thing I can do is wait. Time, patience and try not to get worked up over it and it resolves itself. 

Hugs

[skybert]

Hi guys:) Been meaning to write something for a while but I don't have much to say these days.  

My body is pretty good and working for the most part. Still some GI issues but not as bad as it used to be, but I think the meds are the problem there so I don't expect that to go away before I'm completely off. I did another cut and I'm now on 2,5mg. Emotionally I'm up and down all the time and don't know how much the cuts are affecting me. Can't really tell what is doing what and don't know what to expect from anything and I haven't been able to at any point in this ordeal. My symptoms and the way I feel have been changing all the time since the start but I always come back to myself somewhat every time. Feel lost allot of the time but the "light switch" flicks and brings me back.

I guess I'm on my way back to normal, but I have kind of forgotten how normal feels and have a hard time letting this stuff go and not revert back to on the "lookout" for symptoms and get worked up over neuroemotions. I think I have some unresolved issues but I'm not quite sure what they are and I've become an expert at distraction and hide from my feelings all day long. I've been so focused on blaming all of this on the withdrawal and denying having any issues at all. I think I need to sit down and cry or something. 

 

Thanks for listening:)