bubble: tapering off Lexapro and Xanax

[Rhiannon]

One of the good things (well, good, and bad, and then good, and then bad...LOL) about tapering over a period of time, making a cut, experiencing withdrawal, holding until you emerge from withdrawal and feel pretty good, making another cut, going back under, holding, emerging, etc. is that after a while you really get to see what a huge difference the withdrawal makes in very personal ways. We don't like to think that the thoughts we think--which we think we are choosing--can actually be controlled by the chemical changes in our brains. Yet they are. 

 

I think part of the problem is that Western philosophy thing that sees nature (including our own bodies) as somehow mechanical and inert and simple, and not nearly as smart as us smart humans. Turns out that actually our brains are way smarter than we are; that is to say, the incredible, practically indescribable complexity of our brains (and actually every cell in our bodies, but nowhere more than the nervous system) is several orders of magnitude greater than the most complex machine, computer or system that humans have ever managed to create or understand.

 

Which is why the incredible hubris, stupidity and idiocy of screwing around with this incredible, delicate, amazing chemistry, evolved over billions of years, with drugs invented by humans, derived from petroleum--with the idea that we could possibly do anything except damage that incredibly indescribably complex system--it just makes me want to scream that people can't see what an idiotic concept that is.

 

But when you think of nature and bodies as simple machines and Man the Conqueror of Nature (and I use the word "man" advisedly because this is so typically patriarchal, this attitude) well then of course Our Brilliant Wonderful Drugs must be able to improve on nature. Five billion years of careful, delicate evolution and adjustment, versus some greedy arrogant idiot monkey with a test tube. Right.

 

OOPS sorry...I should have given a Rant Warning!

 

LOL

 

feeling feisty today. And good. The hold is finally paying off.

 

As yours will too, Bubble. Stay where you are, hang on, in a month you're going to be feeling much better and you'll find your thoughts will change too.

[bubble]

Bubble,

you are who you are. There are NOT defective persons, there are NO healthier reaction, we all react differently to different things and situations simply because we are so complex and different...and we are constantly changing in time, even my reactions to similar situations cannot be the same.

When you say that you envy your collegue about her ability to decide quickly...I was like this all my life, very quick, resolute and energetic person. It does not make me a better person than you though. I am no more that person I once was. And this doesn´t make me a better person. Our reactions have been changing a lot throughout our lives due to many challenges, situations, personal decisions...and the way through must be to accept it. For me something especially hard to tell the truth but I see it as THE way.

We are here with you. I appreciate your posts very much.

 

Thank you dear WH,

 

it's so touching that you are now ( when I need it) echoing acceptance to me. This is so very true and appropriate for me now: I have problems accepting myself the way I am: I'd like to be somebody more decisive (for one thing). But as you say, we are just different and it's not that something is inherently more valid, valuable and important. It's just different for a reason. Difference and diversity bring quality to everything we do.

 

Who am I to doubt God's wisdom in creating someone with the type of qualities that I have?  

 

The only problem is that being so painfully indecisive is a measure of my general unwellness ;( I'm not always like that. That is not who I am (as you would very often say for yourself). it's just that I have ages or to be more precise 18 years of not being myself. So long that I even forgot who I am/was...

 

The way I learnt to manage this would be to tell myself: my brain is TEMPORARILY, at this very moment a total mess. So I will not even try making any decisions. I will wait for when I feel better. 

 

I just managed to motivate myself to go for a short walk. At one point I felt as if my legs wouldn't carry me for a lack of both physical and mental energy. But than the brain fog just lifted and I could smell the forest after the rain, hear the birds singing. It was just like a painful cramp passed.

[bubble]

One of the good things (well, good, and bad, and then good, and then bad...LOL) about tapering over a period of time, making a cut, experiencing withdrawal, holding until you emerge from withdrawal and feel pretty good, making another cut, going back under, holding, emerging, etc. is that after a while you really get to see what a huge difference the withdrawal makes in very personal ways. We don't like to think that the thoughts we think--which we think we are choosing--can actually be controlled by the chemical changes in our brains. Yet they are. 

 

I think part of the problem is that Western philosophy thing that sees nature (including our own bodies) as somehow mechanical and inert and simple, and not nearly as smart as us smart humans. Turns out that actually our brains are way smarter than we are; that is to say, the incredible, practically indescribable complexity of our brains (and actually every cell in our bodies, but nowhere more than the nervous system) is several orders of magnitude greater than the most complex machine, computer or system that humans have ever managed to create or understand.

 

Which is why the incredible hubris, stupidity and idiocy of screwing around with this incredible, delicate, amazing chemistry, evolved over billions of years, with drugs invented by humans, derived from petroleum--with the idea that we could possibly do anything except damage that incredibly indescribably complex system--it just makes me want to scream that people can't see what an idiotic concept that is.

 

But when you think of nature and bodies as simple machines and Man the Conqueror of Nature (and I use the word "man" advisedly because this is so typically patriarchal, this attitude) well then of course Our Brilliant Wonderful Drugs must be able to improve on nature. Five billion years of careful, delicate evolution and adjustment, versus some greedy arrogant idiot monkey with a test tube. Right.

 

OOPS sorry...I should have given a Rant Warning!

 

LOL

 

feeling feisty today. And good. The hold is finally paying off.

 

As yours will too, Bubble. Stay where you are, hang on, in a month you're going to be feeling much better and you'll find your thoughts will change too.

 

Rhi, you know that I'm a great fan of your expertise on the way human brain works. I can't get enough of it

 

And it's so nice to hear you feisty and good!

 

Thank you for reminding me that chemical changes are controlling our thoughts (and I also very often experienced the reverse process: that my thoughts, or gently steering myself into the company of positive people, lively situations, positive interactions with other people effects some chemical changes. No way to measure it but I feel it. That's this subtle interaction between our body and soul and the external environment that the mechanical approach to human nature is missing and thus causing us great harm.

 

So nice to be a part of this community here

[tezza]

I used to wonder if I'd ever be myself again, all the time....Well, no, I will never be who I was prior to drugs or WD but even without those being factored in, I still wouldn't be the 'same'.

 

I mean, a lot of time passed and a lot of things in my environment have changed, as well. I consider myself much wiser for the path 'I took'.

 

Oh, I thought I was the most awful person that ever had lived, for a long time. It was more than just my normal low self-esteem. Rhi is right and we're all glad you're here!

 

I'm sorry you're not feeling up to par and hope you are peppy again, soon!

 

HUGS!!!

[bubble]

Thanks a lot Tezza! Was thinking about what you wrote.

 

Although I had in mind the idea that my younger brothers and sisters don't remember any other me than their sister at best of times being very lethargic and "lazy". Or that legendary family scene when mom is taking them to school on Monday morning and me, getting ready for my week at the university and being the eldest saying: I need to have a sandwich made. I felt so helpless and the younger ones saw me as spoilt brat. I did regress as psychoanalisys says to emotionally being a small child. 

 

With years I have learnt to accept that my younger brothers and sisters forgot that energetic person who took care of them, was always strong and in charge, paved them the way to university, etc. Now they understand me a bit better and are very happy when their big sister is doing better and enjoying life but also impatient when she is just lying in bed without doing much.

 

Anyway, the long wave is continuing: 11 days of psychic pain with brief windows.

 

I just got the results of my UTI culture and it came positive for Escherichia coli. I haven't had it before but I know it's an awful bug ;(

 

I read the article Rhi posted for Wolfhound on which ATBs are neurotoxic, that is affect the CNS (my GP is completely clueless about it) so I have no choice but to educate myself.. And that's not easy.

 

They gave the names of ATBs that the bug is susceptible to and first on the list is a derivate of penicillin for which the article says: Penicillins are known to cause a wide spectrum of neurotoxic manifestations including encephalopathy, behavioural changes, myoclonus, seizures as well as NCSE

 

Causing mental problems is also listed as a less frequent side effect in the patient information leaflet.

 

Now I'll have to find an ATB that Escherichia is susceptible to but which is not (so) neurotoxic...

 

One of my good (and life saving) qualities is endurance. Let's practice some more of it...

 

I made sure I took one short walk in the nature every day and participate in the Easter festivities to a very small extent.  I focused on what I could do rather than what I couldn't. This helped a lot.

 

My enthusiasm for playing the game of what caused this wave renewed. Was my pace of cutting Xanax too quick? (my pattern was surge in cortisol 5 days into the cut and feeling it for the next 10 days). Now I was past those 10 days, the after cut anxiety was much less pronounced than with the previous cut so getting depressed and very wobbly caught me totally off guard. Was it the bug, was it the ATB, was it something that upset me? (this could even rhyme

 

The game of finding the culprit is useless but it helps in a strange way (and I saw many members on this forum like playing it...)

[bubble]

The GP prescribed another box of Nitrofurantoin since the culture showed Escherihia is susceptible to it (so she was happy she made a lucky guess). 

 

But given it stubborness, I still feel it and should therefore resume the same nausea causing pills, grrr. 

 

The strange thing happened at the pharmacy when I picked up the prescription and asked for a cranberry tea only to be told cranberries shouldn't be taken with this particular ATB as it annuls its effects! Very strange explanation. I was drinking hectoliters of that tea plus a cranberry supplement last week and the symptoms reduced significantly. 

 

The brain is still very wobbly and feels like crawling into a mouse's hole. And on top of everything I have to speak on the national radio in the evening in a 45 min show (one of 5 guests). This is really making me sick. It's a stage freight. My brother tried to comfort me by saying nobody listens to the radio these days especially not at that hour but I don't feel well about it at all. Will do it and survive it.

[Wolfhound]

Bubble,

I am the last one who could preach about acceptance. There are other specialists here. I struggle with it daily.

I wish I could hear the radio show! Maybe I could pick up some words!

I wish you luck but I am afraid I am late.

[bubble]

Oh you do have absolutely every right to preach about acceptance: you've been doing an awful lot of accepting for a very long time!

 

It went well, it went well ))

 

I felt fine, most importantly. My boyfriend who listened to me without understanding the language said I sounded very confident and professional. I guess it would've been very hard to imagine that as I was walking to the building I felt as if I was going to have a panic attack and thinking in horror i didn't have any emergency Xanax pills in the bag as I used to have before. Then I was thinking that I would make it even if it had happened but it didn't. The other guest also had her first appearance on the radio so we were both equally nervous and joking about it. And when the whole thing started it was just like talking about what you do every day to friends over coffee.

 

I actually felt afterwards that my wave was coming to an end and even got enthusiastic about organising a birthday party on Sunday. For some reason (which wasn't cortisol, more like excitement) I couldn't fall asleep after taking my middle of the night dose so was thinking about buying myself candles to blow and balloons It's incredible how creative and inspired one can get in the middle of the night... I wish I had written down all my ideas because I just had insights on how to address a lot of issues from what cake to bake to how to handle certain situations at work...

 

2 more days of taking the full dose of that ATB and then half a dose for another few days. The UT feels almost recovered but what maybe kept me awake was a pain in the left kidney ;( I should say that around the time I collapsed psychologically it was also found out that my right kidney had shrunk so much that it functions at only around 14 %. So basically I have only one kidney I don't like it when it hurts.

 

But all in all, after almost two weeks it seems like this wave is coming to an end. Hope I wasn't talking too soon But even if I was at least I had some time of feeling like myself again.

 

I'm watching for updates from you...

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Congrats Bubble!

 

You make an excellent moderator!

[bubble]

That's so very kind of you CW!

 

Actually I had birthday on Sunday and feel like I'm still celebrating it ) Plus I feel like I have been totally unexpectedly promoted or/and have become a member of a Star Trek fleet (with these two gold stars - it looks totally unreal ))

 

All I ever did was just returning what I liked very much about being here: having a whole team of people coming to my rescue when in distress.

[Nikki]

Congratulations Bubble....you are such a compassionate person.

 

UTI....there really isn't anything we can do except take the antibiotics, suffer thru it and at least feel relief from the UTI.

There will be an end in site.

 

Hugs

[bubble]

thank you Nikki!

 

re UTI it turned out I was not supposed to take any supplements while taking the ATB. Allegedly, it just neutralised it. I found this info strange but I followed it and now feel a lot better!

[areyouthere]

Congratulations Bubble....you are such a compassionate person.

 

 

I appreciate your optimism & willingness to do whatever it takes to help yourself… things that aren't medicine related like getting outside, being mindful etc. etc. That sets a good example for the rest of us. I know a couple

of times I have kicked my own butt out the door when I didn't feel like it because I read that YOU did it and it made you feel so much better. I do too. Sometimes we just need to help one another!

 

Thanks for doing this Bubble!!!

 

RU

[lexicon]

Aww bubble,

 

What a wonderful accomplishment !!

 

Congratulations on becoming a moderator

 

It is very befitting to you, a lovely, caring, and kind person

 

Hugs, Lexi

[bubble]

 

Congratulations Bubble....you are such a compassionate person.

 

 

I appreciate your optimism & willingness to do whatever it takes to help yourself… things that aren't medicine related like getting outside, being mindful etc. etc. That sets a good example for the rest of us. I know a couple

of times I have kicked my own butt out the door when I didn't feel like it because I read that YOU did it and it made you feel so much better. I do too. Sometimes we just need to help one another!

 

Thanks for doing this Bubble!!!

 

RU

 

 

Well, RU it took me some time to reply That's just because I wanted to share a story of my aunt who taught me the importance of being a rolling stone (even if it takes superhuman powers to roll). But I had no time and I still don't have time not even to update my thread (which I also feel the need to do).

 

To cut the long story short and for the purposes of journaling my journey, I've been quite "elated" for some time - that's the first word that came to my mind now when trying to describe it. 

 

It means that I have this slightly unpleasant and restless energy that is difficult to control. I guess it all started with my birthday some 2 weeks ago. I was low before that and short with energy supplies so wasn't sure till the last momement if I would it or not. During one night of disrupted sleep, I decided that I wanted to buy myself balloons and candles, make a cake, etc. And that's how my birthday celebrations started - still ongoing. I couldn't gather all the friends I wanted to at once so ended up making 3 cakes for different sets of guests. All that excitement just tipped me off balance. The thing is that I feel like my whole nervous system is operating at a high speed at the upper limit of its capacity and I'm not able to slow it down. I just end up so depleted at the end of the day but it's either or. Either I succumb to that flow of restless energy and do loads of things, come across as assertive and even aggressive or I just don't do anything. 

 

Even if alto sanctions me, I have to say that during such periods before (the first one happened when my initial depression lifted during a talk therapy, without medication), I would go to my psychiatrist and tell her: Doctor, I fear I might be bipolar. To her immense credit and the reason why I kept her as my doctor she would ask what happened. I'd say: Oh I bought myself a flat.

 

Only one? Well, when you buy yourslef two or three flats, than we have a problem.

 

This is now a weak joke but we did have a similar conversation when I was using or managed to mobilise such energy to buy the flat. It's just that I jerk from one pole to the other. I either don't have the energy or it comes in this unpleasant form. I didn't do much research on the topic but what I remember from high school is something about the activity of parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system. This comes to my mind now because one very visible sign of the general elation and agitation that I have at the moment is dilation of pupils. It goes to the level of organs to demonstrate how little if no control I have over all this. 

 

I think I use or channel this in a productive way: to dramatically increase my work effeciency because I somehow manage to focus and concentrate although with (great) difficulty. Mindful meditation is not an option really. I even can't be physically active after work because I'm so depleted that I just pass out into a restless slumber. 

 

This time I didn't buy a flat but 4 pairs of shoes over 4 days  (which were actually a bargain and my colleagues from work supported me in that decision(s).Even went with me. One are comfy dark blue, one are funky intense pink, one are sexy peach and one are summer sandals. I have a new look, changed from winter trousers into a short skirt. I'm a lot of fun to be around, full of ideas and creative. Also felt uncomfortable buying all those shoes but just had to have them. And everybody understands me. My brother just says I radiate joy and enjoy myself. I bought the last item of clothing and shoes back in July. Not a single item since then. So it just felt ok to treat myself to this even at the (controlled) threat of bankruptcy...

 

Not pleasant at all but I'm used to it and I'm managing it...

 

so much in the way of my update (the story of my aunt next time

[areyouthere]

We have a lot in common.

[bubble]

don't say!!!

 

what a relief to know I'm not the only one

 

I know ways of calming down: avoid excitement, listen to the crickets that have just started chirping and take everything slowwwwwww

[Petunia]

 

This time I didn't buy a flat but 4 pairs of shoes over 4 days 

 

 

Yup!  sounds a bit like me too.  I went out yesterday afternoon to buy a flowering plant for a mother's day gift.  I came home with 2 flowering plants, 2 non-flowering plants, a decorative container and a small box of chocolates.

[bubble]

But flowers Petu??? You absolutely have to have them and a box of chocolates, however small - living dangerously these days? )

 

(I make a biiiig circle round flower stands and tell my boyfriend to restrain me, like Odyssey did to his sailors But one of these days I'm going to give in. I see it coming. Just waiting for my credit card to come off. It's time to plant the summer flowers...

 

But then again, there were so many, too many moments when I couldn't have cared less about shoes or even flowers would fail to move me so when I feel (I feel, I feel, I feel) this about them, I just go for this feeling, feeling blessed that I can feel.

[areyouthere]

 

 

But then again, there were so many, too many moments when I couldn't have cared less about shoes or even flowers would fail to move me so when I feel (I feel, I feel, I feel) this about them, I just go for this feeling, feeling blessed that I can feel.

YES!!!!

[mattinsmom]

Jeesh, I'm gone for a little while and people are moving and becoming healthier, and becoming moderators!!! Wow. 

 

I am admitting that I have only skimmed. So much to catch up on. I want to say "Congratulations!!!!" Its fitting. I can't say I understand the whole shoe thing, I wear sneakers until there's nothing left, then I buy another pair, but moderator will fit you well.  

[bubble]

Jeesh, I'm gone for a little while and people are moving and becoming healthier, and becoming moderators!!! Wow. 

 

I am admitting that I have only skimmed. So much to catch up on. I want to say "Congratulations!!!!" Its fitting. I can't say I understand the whole shoe thing, I wear sneakers until there's nothing left, then I buy another pair, but moderator will fit you well.  

 

thank you Amy, you made me laugh (in a very nice way  

 

nice to have you back!

 

(about helathier... you know, a relative term but better

[Nikki]

Hi bubbles

 

Haven't been on the site for awhile, checking in on a few folks here.  How are you?

 

You have always been a marvelous source of comfort and good sense....thank you

[bubble]

Hi there Nikki!

 

What a nice surprise:I've been thinking the whole day-today will be the day that I update my thread. Was even wondering how far I will have to go to find it, it's been such a long time since I posted. And now I open the forum and see your greeting:wow;) thanks a lot.

 

In a nutshell, I'm feeling 80 to 90 % of how I felt before my unfortunate escapade of discontinuing 2 meds after a "taper" last August. Since the end of January I've been cutting on Xanax and came to 1.54 mg from 2mg. My overall condition has been improving steadily throught this taper. Haven't been in a real wave since Easter, mostly don't feel depressed-I'm interested in things and people, even passionate about some enjoying my little hobbies-wandering in nature, picking flowers and herbs, made elder syrup, started a tiny vegetable garden, very busy at work...

 

Of course, things are not all hunky dory but a great deal about recovery is that you have this overall positive feeling of being on the right track, feeling at peace with yourself and the world around you. These feelings of being at peace are actually totally new in my whole life. I feel I've resumed growing as a person at a point where I stopped all those years ago lost to anxiety, depression and meds.

 

I've been thinking wistfully of writing on my thread for a long time with a kind of going home feeling but as I said, I've been rushing around a lot trying probably to make up for months of inactivity. And when I do come here, I rather write a few words for somebody who is struggling. But maybe reading that recovery happens can also help somebody.

 

I still have a long, long way to go with tapering but feel like I can do it. I'm not even tempted to speed it up because I've learnt very well that my brain wouldn't like it. I think my brain and I sort of managed to agree on 2.5% every 10 days but will make a longer hold after a month to check whether my brain is really ok with that. I got very familiar with the language it speaks.

 

My main issue at the moment are stomach problems, a brand new ailment. But I came across a link Alto posted on paleo diet and certain wise dr. Chriss (or something like that) and it's very helpful although complex. Still amazed at how Alto and others managed to gather everything under the sun for us here. Was thinking of buying acid blockers but first checked it here and saved myself from lots of trouble.

 

So much from me for now. Once again Nikki, thanks a lot for dropping by. hope things are fine with you too.

 

Big hug

[Narcissus]

This is lovely Bubble, a ray of light for those of us in dark places.  Thank you for staying with us, even when things are looking up.

[Northcoastboy]

Thanks Bubble, nice post.

That's exactly how I feel on good days. At peace and no longer battling the world.

Thank you

[Nikki]

I like when you said your brain has learned - not to do a fast taper - it doesn't like it:)

 

I don't think anyone's brain does....LOL

 

Walking in nature helps alot.  I live by the beach and it has a very soothing quality.  Haven't been in the mountains for years.

Where you live sounds like a beautiful spot.  Keep at it....lots of hugs

[mattinsmom]

flyby hug. 

[Rhiannon]

Hi Bubble! I've seen you on other peoples' threads but thought I would bump yours and say hi.

 

How's the Xanax tapering going? Looks from your sig line like you're really making progress, yay! Don't forget that even when you're tapering with smaller cuts more often, it's good to periodically take a longer hold just to make sure all the healing has a chance to catch up. Especially with benzos, which can be tricky in tapering--sometimes you go along doing fine and then all of a sudden wham it catches up with you. I'd encourage you after four or five cuts in a row to maybe take a month and just make sure everything is keeping up with the pace.

 

It's so great having you around. It sounds like you're doing well. Hugs!

[bubble]

Well, I wrote a very big inspired post and then made a mistake of accidentally pressing something which made everything disappear J Happens to many of us, maybe Alto could make something so that what we write gets saved like in Gmail for instance.. Now typing in a word doc.

 

Rhi I was so touched that you dropped by with such a nice message. Made me melttttt.

 

I've actually been yearning to write an update but every time I come here I end up writing on someone else's thread. This in itself shows how well I'm doing J

Rhi, I read what you wrote in your thread about that urge to speed things up and could relate. A lot. But I have this little voice of yours in my head that slows me down J  I'm actually fascinated that I was able to come down from 2mgs to 1.5 over 5 months and all that time feeling better and better. It's so radically different to many years of my attempts to part ways with Xanax. It only resulted in ending up on more. No wonder given how I was doing everything totally wrong. My idea of taper was reducing 0.25 every 5 days: horror L

 

Now I feel a hold is a must. My brain was grumbling last week. Things were hectic at work and I forgot to take a few of my doses on time and my otherwise quite regular schedule got significantly disrupted. But also things were going too fast so now I’ll hold for as long as I can. Now is summer, days are longer, I'm on short but great hols, spent a few days on a secluded island... very healing all in all J

 

I actually wanted to say how, compared to long months of anhedonia and lethargy, all my symptoms at the moment seem so small. Yes, I have vivid dreams but I can fall asleep and sleep through, I sometimes wake up with a painful feeling in my soul but it's nothing like cortisol mornings, I feel blue sometimes but it passes like a cloud, the same as feeling vulnerable and being edgy. I actually had quite bad GI symptoms: morning diarrhea, stomach extremely sensitive, painful, nauseous... A holistic therapist put me on a very restricted diet of cooked bland food after a specialist suspected gastritis. I managed to eat like that for two weeks and in the meantime carried out the tests. My blood count came out perfect, no sign of UTI in my culture. I even went to swallow that tube and miracle: my stomach lining is still intact - relief! My symptoms also more or less disappeared but I'm a bit at a loss as what I’ll say to my GP. I'm afraid that I've already established a reputation with her J I think it was actually a double course of those ATBs that killed my intestinal bacteria. I've been taking probiotics, homemade yoghurt, exploring GAPS diet and finally managed to understand something J So let's hope I've cured myself.

 

But although I was so sickly and would say I contemplated fainting on my way from work it all seemed like a minor inconvenience compared to those long months of feeling dead and yet hurting. I'm also very surprised at how it seems I have unexpectedly matured. For the first time in my life I don't have that painful feeling of inner emptiness and feeling I should be somewhere else, doing something else. I feel happy with what I have, not (only) in terms of my worldly belongings, that is my home loan, lol but enjoying the route to work instead of thinking how I'm not earning enough, enjoying my friends and family, being here on the forum, of course J Like I have briefly become some kind of an Eastern mystic J This too shall pass....

 

I'm also so enthusiastic about things. This time it's not shoes but a beautiful dark green dress J kidding. I discovered I could paint my dull coloured furniture in bright colours. Also discovered a site with decoupage and adorable Victorian graphics depicting flowers and birds that you can just copy onto your furniture. Soooo lovely!

 

My ability to feel joy is constantly heightened against the backdrop of that lifeless winter. I still have a long, long way to go but this shows how my mush of a poor brain recovered after CT two meds after 14 years of use... The bottom line: it can happen to anyone! And it will. We just have to be awfully enduring.

 

I wanted to paste a picture from my heavenly island to cheer up everyone who needs to but in this attempt lost everything I typed and now managed to retype it again: wow.

Will keep trying. In the meantime I managed to post a link to that chest of drawers: try not to get infected J 

 

http://lindycottagehill.blogspot.com/2011/02/bow-front-bird-chest.html

 

Sending big hugs and healing vibes

 

bubble

 

 

[Petunia]

Its lovely to read how well you are doing now Bubble, I'm so happy that you found this site and have been able to learn how to taper and get some control over your life.  Your happiness and enthusiasm is infectious and I was smiling the whole time I was reading your post.

 

The decorated chest is pretty, I used to do things like that and looking at the pictures made me imagine myself being creative again one day.

 

((hugs))

[mattinsmom]

Awwww, It is so nice to read that you are doing well. Welcome back to the land of the peaceful. I'm happy for you!

[bubble]

Thanks a lot Petu and Amy,

 

i hope to find the time to write about the ups and hiccups as well for a more balanced picture. On one hand, it's as I said: nothing compares to the winter or it totally blurs in comparison with its harshness.

 

On the other hand, i so liked what I came across while reading through a thread of one member here

 

 

Woke with one of my not so famous stinking headaches today. Feel like crap. Sign... Please... no one post that they hope I'll feel better... it's only a headache and I realize that. Just feels good to post about it.

 

[bubble]

Hi Bubble! I've seen you on other peoples' threads but thought I would bump yours and say hi.

 

How's the Xanax tapering going? Looks from your sig line like you're really making progress, yay! Don't forget that even when you're tapering with smaller cuts more often, it's good to periodically take a longer hold just to make sure all the healing has a chance to catch up. Especially with benzos, which can be tricky in tapering--sometimes you go along doing fine and then all of a sudden wham it catches up with you. I'd encourage you after four or five cuts in a row to maybe take a month and just make sure everything is keeping up with the pace.

 

It's so great having you around. It sounds like you're doing well. Hugs!

 

Dear Rhi,

 

I very much appreciate all the time, effort and energy you put in supporting all of us.

 

I was planning to put a hold on my taper anyway but after you post, I will add another week to my original plan of 10 days. So all in all 3 weeks before the two small cuts.

 

We all have our reasons to want to go off meds (a bit faster if possible) and together with all other reasons, I'd very much like to be a mother and turning 37 and looking into at least 2 years of taper makes me feel bad especially in the view of the baby boom around me...

[Rhiannon]

Oh yes, I remember and absolutely understand. Just keep paying close attention to your symptoms so that if they ramp up you can cut back. 

 

Thanks for the chest. I bought a desk yesterday which has nice bones but the paint is very messed up. I wasn't planning to do anything about it, but maybe I should...it could be a good distraction for me.

[Petunia]

Hi Bubble,

I just read in a thread that you are in a wave and not feeling well.  Wanted to send a big ((hug))