success ☼ JanCarol: Reboxetine first, then lithium

[Meimeiquest]

Do you think you might be trying too hard for someone tapering? You know, the 30 minutes of gentle exercise thing? My heart rate was like that at one time, but it was from total sympathetic overload, not from being out of shape. I don't know, just caring about your struggles.

[JanCarol]

Thanks Andy, Fresh, MeiMei.

 

Yes, it is/was a depression:  I have a policy - for someone who has probably spent 80% of her adult life in one depression or another - yes, this was depression.  My policy is - if it continues for more than 3 days, increase treatment (light, exercise, meditation).  If it continues for 3 weeks, get additional help.  I rarely get to that point anymore.

 

Cried self to sleep last night.  Because heart was pounding and wouldn't stop.  Just laying there.  But here's the thing - this depression was like a vagus nerve precursor to today, when I woke up dog sick with IBS = TMI.  Ah.  So that's what it was.  "Irritable" indeed.  I am better today, but I'm feeling a bit alone, misunderstood.  It feels like I have to repeat myself to hubby 3-4 times before he understands what I'm saying.  Frustrating.  (his own TBI and deafness of both of us sometimes make communication a chore, but at least we try.)

 

So that's 0 time on the rebounder today.  I did take my "sun walk" - but not to specifications - it was afternoon, and cloudy, but I did it.

 

Andy, I'm not asking for a 20 yo body:  here's me at 38, just 15 years ago:

and here I am now:

 

I've lost my smile, my hair, my shape, my energy. OK, I was vain until this happened.  I've lost my vanity too, and wondered if God wasn't knocking me down to the floor to cure me of my vanity.  To me, these don't even look like the same person.  

 

Yes, I have loved ones who tell me that the person on the right is still beautiful.  But it's not about beauty, it's about health and well being.  It wasn't just the drugs.  It wasn't just the cigarettes (a vain attempt at vainly trying to keep my weight, as well as assuage my pain with little neurotransmitter hits), or the drugs, or the surgeries.  It was all of these.

 

I'm not asking for a 20 yo body - or even a 40 yo one.  I'm surrounded by 40-50 year olds who have much greater capacity than I do.  This "adrenal fatigue" or "chronic fatigue" - well - I started coming off the psych drugs because of it.  I couldn't run from one side of the gym to the other without having a heart-pounding meltdown.  I stopped ciggies.  Slight improvement.  I stopped PPI (stomach drugs), slight improvement.  I stopped statins, slightly more improvement.  I stopped reboxetine - no improvement at all, I started natural ortho-medicine - slight improvement.  I tapered way down on the lithium - slight improvement.

 

I've continued trying to expand on my training throughout all of this but hit a big hiccup when I hurt my hand, and couldn't go to karate.

 

I think the biggest killer was the anhedonia; it was like slow suicide.  I didn't have the energy for a fast one, but I could kill myself a little at a time by just not giving a dit.

 

LOL Meimei - 30 minutes of gentle exercise?  Well, the yoga class is an hour, but only 2x a week - and I've had to build up to that, and I still suffer in there.  A 30 minute WALK (and that's slow as I huff and puff up the hills) is excessive.

 

And Fresh - when I first moved here I went to the community ones at the local state school.  OMG that was awful.  Yes, it was not the athletes - there were all body types in there.  I don't mind being the only fattie in the room - if I can do the practice.  But the class was too large (30-40 people) and the teacher just sat at the front and did her thing perfectly - and DIDN'T HELP the students at all.  I saw atrocious "pre-injury" yoga in there - it hurts just thinking about it.

 

I suspect you have better access to a higher quality of "community classes" than this cow town.

 

AND - I insist on avoiding religious cultic stuff - a don't want to hear guru chants, or chants at all.  And they are SO popular here, because many of the teachers have actually been to India.

 

It's frustrating, I'm feeling misunderstood.  I'm not talking about "superfit athletes" here - like I said, the other woman in the class had a torn hip ligament.  But the class is ALWAYS catered to the more standard poses - and the USA classes started simpler and built up to basic poses, and then offered more to those who could do it.  Rolling on the floor for the first 6 weeks.  Sometimes just one pose per class, with all the levels of difficulty and variations until you found your place.  Most classes were just 3-5 poses.  

 

But since the coming of Bikram and the popularity of "Power Yoga" - of aerobics yoga - well.  It's hard to explain, but maybe that's part of it too - except - I took a class in Indiana last year at Evansville Power Yoga - and while it was a basics class - we got instruction from the ground up, we got corrections, we got props and support and education on how to use the props.  What I'm getting now feels fast and dirty by comparison.

 

Andy:

if the Aussie culture is such that you can't participate without being a star then somebody needs to change the way things are done. 

 

Someone explain to this boy about tall poppies?  It's strange.  Aussies are competitive, but they also want to excoriate the winner.  You know the way Canadians are polite and humble?  Aussies are quiet achievers.  And it's not that there are stars - it's that it's not okay to show pain.  It's not okay to be in pain.  It's not okay to complain - AND - it's not okay to be the "best" either.  It's weird.

 

As far as doing my own?  That was easy in the USA; it's a strange socialist blend here.  While the classes are freewheeling and not correcting (USA worried about litigation, and therefore was better at injury prevention) - in order to have my own thing there's too much education, licensing, renting of halls, advertising, blah blah blah. Not gonna happen.  I'll be doing well to survive the transformation of my own life, much less working on others.

 

I can't emphasize enough how I must seem functional to you in print.  I'm not.  I'm effectively disabled, but because I'm refusing drugs, I don't qualify for disability.  My p-doc told me to try to work and fail before she would sign off on disability.  When you look at me, you don't think "disabled."  It's that hidden stuff.  

 

SA is the first job I've held in 15 years.  And, as you know, it's volunteer.  It means so much to me to be contributing to something.  To have a focus and purpose - because I don't think I could do much (if anything) in my local community.  When I checked on volunteering opportunities, there was a lot of tall poppy control freaks and too many rules and regs - I was basically turned away.  You'd think that they'd take me when I could come, but no, even volunteers have to be rostered, attend early morning classes, etc. etc.

 

If it weren't for hubby helping me open packaging, lift and carry things, solve those fiddly things that I can't do with my brain or my body - I don't know how I could do it - much less all the things he does with finances, figuring out how to run the equipment around the house (I don't even think I understand how to watch the big TV without his help - some of that is his electronics-savvyness - he's set it up to be complicated - but still, I don't know how to fly the DVD player right now, except on "my TV" in the den), building things, maintaining stuff, cooking, and we hire a cleaner. 

 

And now - I've spent hours trying to express myself.  That's another thing around here I won't get done.  Missed my appointment today, I'm slowly working on my vitamin trays, but that's frustrating, too.  BUT - thank you all for listening and responding, and helping me to think about these things as I look for a path out of this dark forest.

 

Again, Scarlett O'Hara - it's year end - "I'll think about it in January."  There's nothing I can do until then.  Then, I can try a couple of karate schools to see if I can find a fit (this process of trying on studios, classes, and schools is ROUGH going for social anxiety, agoraphobia, general anxiety - and - being a foreigner to boot).  It's weird, there's a lot I don't take personally.  But when I fall down in yoga class (I mean this literally:  I fell over from a lunge), and the rest of the class seems just "out of reach" - I wonder - WTF can I do?

 

I have been trying, I've been working hard.  I was 6 months away from a black belt just a few years ago - now that's at least 3 years out again.  I will try again, I'm like that.  But I'm extremely down and frustrated right now, and it's very hard for someone else to see it.  Do I need to yell or complain more? Oh that's a great way to endear myself to my Aussie compatriots.  Sigh.

 

It helps to know - in a twisted way - that some of my "depression" was from being physically sick.  Again.  And I'll allow myself up to 3 days of self indulgent "rivers of self pity" before I'll crack down and kick my butt again.  I do believe in the depressed = deep rest.  

 

But I also believe that there were paths chosen - decades ago - that I'm paying dues for, now.

[JanCarol]

Okay.

 

The bright side of the dark forest.

 

I saw 3 baby birds getting fed by their mama.

 

I didn't take any pain drugs today, even though I was sick.  (if I'd gone to the appointment, I would have, but the appointment got cancelled, mutual agreement)

 

I DID get on the rebounder, and tried a gentler bounce.  My heels barely left the trampoline.  Instead of bouncing up and down, I twisted my hips from side to side and swung my arms.  The music was gentler - "Something" by George Harrison.  3 minutes long.

 

While I was on the rebounder - I found an oak tree in my next door neighbor's yard!  (our oak tree has been killed from neglect.  Hubby doesn't understand why it is so important to me to have an oak tree, and let it get all overgrown, etc.  He claims it will be a bad thing, I'm like - it won't get big until we are long in the ground!  PLEASE let me have an oak tree?)

 

And a couple of friends have asked after my well being.  IF I could talk about it, I'm sure it would help.  It's when we bottle it up, that it becomes volatile and dangerous.

[peggy]

re your oak tree - my brother brought an acorn home from someone else's tree and planted in the garden when he was about 10 - it actually GREW!  He is 56 now and it died from neglect or something else a couple of years ago - it is still in my mother's backyard (now his as he has the family home after my mother died)

 

you HAVE been working hard; chronic illness takes so many different forms but the end result is the same - a battered and tired soul.

[JanCarol]

I'm gonna get an acorn from the next door neighbor.  

 

The story is:  Hubby's brother brought up some oak seedlings from Canberra, where they have lots of Northern trees - I hear they have fall colours!  (I hope to see some, depending on when they come - we're headed south next year on a road trip).

 

Hubby got one, and next-door-neighbor got one.

 

Next door neighbor is a fastidious gardener who cared for his tree.  Hubby is a devil-may-care gardener who will plant a volunteer because it "won't get too big."  He has a fear of the oak getting to big - we went back to find it, it is a dead twig.

 

Next door neighbors tree is about 10m high, about 25 years old.  It's got a beautiful shade canopy, and the trunk is probably only 10 cm across.  I'm trying to tell hubby - an oak won't "get too big" in our lifetimes.  Please, can we have one and give it some space and let the next owner worry about the big tree?

 

It was nice to see the oak leaves against the sky, and I wouldn't have seen them if I hadn't been on the rebounder.

[JanCarol]

Rebounder 4 mins

Average time between pain drugs:  30 hours

CES - check

TENS - 3 sessions yesterday!

the old "manage the pain routine" is um.  Well, can I do something else for awhile now?

[MollyN]

OH JC I know you don't need validation from someone like me - but I think you're glorious GLORIOUS - of course you're far far too intelligent - I don't think society is geared toward actual thinkers, which makes everything for folks like you so frustrating and vacuous... stick with nature it never disappoints

 

I had a giggle at your experience of Australians as 'quiet achievers' lololollol they might be by US standards, but your average kiwi sees our aussie cousins as 'winners at all costs' compared to NZers. 

 

lollol  I've never been to a yoga class where you were taught anything personally - do they actually do that?! Little wonder you get deeply annoyed!

[JanCarol]

Yah, Molly, Kiwis are a laid back lot, eh?

 

Where I'm from in the US is pretty laid back too.  Farmland, mostly (unless you go to the City - that's a different story).

 

You really nailed it with the "yoga - never taught anything to me personally"  LOL you said in just a few words what it took me 2 pages of SA to rant about!  Thanks for the perspective!

 

Thanks so much for making me smile today!

 

Average time between pain drugs:  33 hours and holding  (actual time = 40 hours).

Time on rebounder yesterday = 5 minutes! (gently, gently)

None today because it's yoga day.

CES - yes, (think I'll do some more right now)

 

Looking forward to a mag bath and raw food smoothie tonight.

[JanCarol]

Molly - I've been thinking about the "quiet achievers" thing for a couple of days with a smile.

 

I guess then, that Yanks are "loud achievers"!  

 

Rough morning, lots of IBS pain, can't really take anything for that until it's all done (or I won't get rid of what is hurting me).  The pain was so intense I couldn't move from the bed - couldn't even reach for the phone to try and intercom hubby to bring me a wheat pack or something.

 

3 steps forward, 2 steps back.  I skip yoga today for the first time in awhile.  Sigh.  But I'm really drained and the studio is a sealed little hot box with no A/C or windows and it's 34 degrees (that's 92 for the Yanks) outside.  Will likely be much hotter in the studio.  Maybe, if I feel a little better, I will have a wiggle on the rebounder (not really bouncing, that would be too much, too).  Maybe in AC today.

 

My sleep is back to its old tricks.  3:30 am to noon.  but today was worse because I couldn't get up to save my life.  Trying to be gentle and patient, but I've been patient for a half decade now.  I want to be gentle and patient RIGHT NOW!  

[MollyN]

The pain is a very rude visitor. Entirely unfair and not welcome at all. Wishing you much patient gentleness - (having to say this through gritted teeth since I'm premenstrual and patient and it's simpering friend gentleness are swear words in my angry brain today.... thank the Good Lorde the kids aren't here)

 

Today I thought of you and your distraction techniques as I sat for 2 hours pulling the flower petals from dandelion heads to help a friend make dandelion wine.. was very convivial and calming ... of course after the 40 min drive home in traffic the zen had gone (especially since I had hair dye in and needed to wash it out.. it's tres brunette now)

[JanCarol]

Dandelion wine!  Spring tonic!

 

I'm wondering if my 2-4 am heart pounding is the reverse of a cortisol morning - 

 

because my sleep cycle is so delayed - that my cortisol spikes before I even make it to bed....

 

So by the time I lay down, my heart is pounding, and I can only breathe and wait.

 

Breathing calms my mind, but does not reduce the heart pounding.  This has been this way since before tapering, and one of the reasons I started tapering.  My GP (in about 2010) thought I was "just complaining" and ran a few blood tests, and just reminds me that I should be on cholesterol drugs (it was worse on them).

[JanCarol]

Okay, longest time without pain drugs:  49 hours.  Average = 37 hours.

 

The fitbit says that my rebounding is the same quantity of exercise as my sun-walks, in intensity and duration.  

 

At least I've doubled my exercise, I guess.  (though my daily fitbit steps are looking pretty pathetic right now)

 

Missing Wednesday yoga did not help my mood for the weekend.

 

One foot in front of the other.

[JanCarol]

Thinking about next month, next year.

 

I am contemplating an updose.  I've had more than 3 days of a depression (note, this is "a depression," not "Depression" - think of it as a valley in the mood of my life.)

 

If, by the time it comes to fill my trays again (about 3-4 weeks from now) I'm still struggling, I think I will increase lithium orotate to 2.5 mg.

 

I don't think I will taper the carbonate down yet.

 

But this is slightly in the "future ruminations" category, not yet in the "plan of action" category.

 

Another thought:  I felt pretty great when my thyroid medication was too high.  Numbers on the lab tests said "too high, decrease."  Feelings - not so much.  But I don't want to burn out, either.  It's scary stuff, adjusting these substances that your well being depends upon.

 

And - knowing that a week without exercise is as bad or worse than an alcohol binge....

 

Back to yoga class tomorrow, after a nice lunch and acupuncture session.

[Fresh]

I remember you saying you had accidentally decreased your lithium when you went OS in August.

Did you seriously go from 337.5 to 112.5mg ?  Oops , lol.

Do you think you've been stable since starting the lithium ororate?    

I guess I'm thinking 3 days of depressed mood isn't anything to go updosing over . . . it's normal to

have peaks and valleys.  Hopefully by the time you do your trays again you'll be back to normal.

 

[JanCarol]

Hey Fresh - yes, big big (one more time) BIG oops! (kids, don't try this at home!)

 

No, I haven't been quite stable.  It seems I had a 2-month out from the drop - wave/crash/slip/slump.

 

Been more than 3 days now, I'm better, but struggling, which is why I'm considering upping the orotate.  Plus there's this huge delayed cycle sleep thing again.  It was nice being a "normal person" for a couple of months.  

 

I'd rather updose the orotate than the carbonate, because I can take a lot less of that for efficacy. (big discussion about comparing the doses of the 2 a few pages back)

 

But yeah, that particular tray will be due in a week and a half, which will be about week 3 of the slump.  I never do anything hastily.  I think koala is one of my totem animals.

 

I've been focusing on finding new yoga opportunities, maybe tai chi (darn, the one I checked today is at 9 am!), maybe even karate, depending on how my hand feels on New Year's Day.

[MollyN]

So many of the classes must be early - what a pain! I bet that's where you miss living in a big city - greater options.

 

I have great faith you'll find your way back to that more settled feeling xxx

 

... whilst off asking Monsier Google which animal was considered most scatterbrained ( I'd like a totem too) (deer apparently).. I came across a lovely distraction tool for the truly bored animalinyou.com.. which has a nifty tool for finding your inner animal - plus match making feature - I'm not even going to 'fess up which one I got too embarrassing.

[JanCarol]

LOL Molly!  Deer is amazing.  Deer is the essence of gentle, and was never scatterbrained before humans invented headlights!

 

Deer is also essential for the celebration of the changing seasons, as their mating / antler / fighting /birthing cycles are annual.

 

And LOL again  I am a gorilla (on your animalinyou website) = gruff exterior, soft and chewy center.  Hairy and ugly, but loving!

 

Okay, I shared.  Your turn!  

[JanCarol]

Okay, now for another topic, the one we've all been avoiding:  weight.

 

Observe this, from my fitbit records.

 

 

Do you see that "spoon" of weight loss in the middle?  That's when I was sleeping at nighttime and awake in the daytime.  The weight increases directly when my sleep creeps later in early November.....

 

It may be that simple. (lol, as if sleeping at night is simple!)

[peggy]

wow, that is fascinating, Jan - it must be related to metabolism - all the more reasons not to be a night shift worker!...

 

those little fitbits give you a lot of interesting data!

[btdt]

Okay, now for another topic, the one we've all been avoiding:  weight.

 

Observe this, from my fitbit records.

 

 

Do you see that "spoon" of weight loss in the middle?  That's when I was sleeping at nighttime and awake in the daytime.  The weight increases directly when my sleep creeps later in early November.....

 

It may be that simple. (lol, as if sleeping at night is simple!)

I did not keep track of sleep but for a time when I was at my best bf the last accident I had managed steady weight and exercise for a short time it had a huge impact on my well being as one fed the other... I looked some what better so felt better...since there was a pay off I kept going. 

 

Now for the other bit... 

"I've lost my smile, my hair, my shape, my energy. OK, I was vain until this happened.  I've lost my vanity too, and wondered if God wasn't knocking me down to the floor to cure me of my vanity.  To me, these don't even look like the same person.  "

 

YES!  YES!  Same for me I do not resemble the person I was... it had me completely freaked out for a long time.  At one point I looked so bad I took and saved the pictures as I was sure a doctor would be able to tell me what was wrong by looking at me but the doc did not know the bf me... as I had to move to get a doc due to shortages in Canada... I wonder what a doc who knew me would say. 

In the past I have noticed this and added a link to what meth addicts look like bf and after meth... the pictures are striking and one can see the similarities as they all changed in a certain way... I wonder if we all did too?  I think we did as I see your pict it is a lot like mine. 

Not sure what to make of it or do about it but noticing is interesting too many common threads to be coincidence. 

Wish you peace Jan your surely not alone in this. 

[JanCarol]

Thank you B.  It's good to be not alone.

 

And yes Peggy.  Metabolism burns brighter with the sun.  Sigh.

 

But breaking in a new sleeping pattern is worse than herding cats.

[JanCarol]

OK time for a dose of inspiration.

 

I got onto the rebounder today.  Today's visuals were brought to me by a dragonfly, who was surfing the breeze right before my eyes.  Hubby had just cleared a lot of scrub, too, improving my view of the tiny rainforest we live in.

 

First song up - comments about rumination:

 

Oh yeah.  But that was only 5 minutes - I had another 2 to go (I ended up doing 4, because it was soooooo gooooood!)

 

This one was religious for me.  The Church of Yes - where I got to bounce to the music I usually have to chair dance to (the polite thing to do at a concert)  It's actually too personal to put on the music thread.....

 

 

Yes - A New State of Mind

Waiting for the moment when the moment
Has been waiting all the time
Staring at the golden heights wondering

Are you ready for the climb?

Are you ready for this?
Are you ready for that?
Are you ready for this? Focus your eyes
Will you take the chance?

Well, you've got the chance
A new perspective, a new state of mind
 

Always on the edge of what could be
The greatest moment in this life?
Watching as the theme builds left

Only to wonder in delight
 

You gotta let it go
You gotta let it go
Wanting to feel
Just what it means to be free

There's no reason for deceiving
Focus your eyes
A new perspective, a new state of mind

 

Sometimes you feel you want to run away from it all
Sometimes you hear the voices of the past come to call
But there's no giving up when you are giving it all
Hoping, forgiving and loving the qualities of life
 

Designing the future, we're building the dreams taking flight

Are you ready for love?
Are you ready for love?
Are you ready for love?
A new state of mind

 

Waiting for the moment when the moment
Has been waiting all the time
Reaching for the golden heights
Without a doubt you're ready for the climb

 

You've gotta set it out
You gotta tear it out, no escaping
What you've got on your mind
There's a reason for your being, focus your eyes
A new perspective, a new state of mind

 

Oh yeah.  

 

It's sooooo hard to slump when that's going on.

 

A reason!

Being!

Take the chance!

Focus!

A New State of Mind!

 

I used to say that my best antidepressant was listening to at least one Yes song a day.

DANCING to Yes on a rebounder is like an intervention!

 

Let's see how well it holds....it's up to me to do it on my own until the new year - no more classes, treatments, etc.  It's Australia, and the whole country stops for the next 2 weeks....

[MollyN]

lol! I'd love to see a video of this singing/bouncing routine - I think it would be very uplifting  

 

(and I got porcupine - blah. however I shouldn't be surprised, I'm still not even able to log onto dear old facebook without feeling all prickly pear about the 'happy' stories from people I know.. I don't know when I became so curmudgeonly!)

[JanCarol]

Um, no.  Molly, no.  Cameras break.

 

I accidentally noticed that I can see my bouncing reflected in a window; it's not pretty!

 

Porcupine is amazing!  Porcupine is completely about innocence, childlike playfulness - because porcupine has her prickles, she is always safe.  Therefore - porcupine is able to trust that all will be well, all is okay.  "You're never too old to play," says porcupine.  Porcupine offers release from seriousness and severity - and - use of fantasy and imagination.  The facebook stories probably bother you because people are taking themselves entirely too seriously!  

 

I think it's apt!  (and lordy, don't step on this woman!) 

[MollyN]

awwwww I feel really good about my porcupinesque self now you're an angel in rebounding lycra xxx

[Fresh]

Hey JC ,  I usually read posts on your thread via email , but I came looking for the photos you posted (lol).

You look great !   Yes , heavier , but your complexion looks lovely and the shorter hair is much more fashionable.

 

I reckon you'll be fine "on your own" until the new year.   Take the opportunity to be still without the noise and haste.

Without the distractions of what classes you should be at and when.

Just . . . be.

 

[JanCarol]

Thanks Fresh!

(those rumination voices had about a billion "Yes, but - " things to say, but I'll just say - )

Thanks Fresh!

[bubble]

JC I also think that you look just great! Different but great

[JanCarol]

So - new year and stuff.

 

Back to working up some stamina.

 

The plan:  Vinyasa yoga on Mondays, Yin Yoga on Wednesdays until the University of the 3rd Age Tai Chi class starts up.  Then I will switch to that on Wednesdays.

 

Rebounding on days when I don't have classes or walk my 8000 steps.  I rebounded today, back to 5 minutes because it's been awhile.

 

When I get better, more stamina, my hand better,  I will switch the Monday night Yoga to karate, and build still more stamina - when I do that, I will contract with the yoga teacher for 1 private session per month.  

 

Tracking my use of pain pills drove me spare - made me act MORE like a junkie than not tracking it at all.  So while I'm taking it more frequently - I'm not tracking the pain pills right now.  Tracking them made me obsess over how many hours it had been since my last dose, and I felt like an addict.  So I will look at that, but not yet.  

 

I will have to settle for half doses of antihistamines as my main taper.

 

I've updosed my lithium to 2.5 mg of orotate.  Looking for a sweet spot for mood control, which is still quite depressed.  So much so that when I was at a New Years Party, a familiar face (but really a stranger) asked me, "So are you crook today?"  (crook = sick)  The dappled sunlight was acting like a strobe on my brain and hearing 4 conversations at once, but not able to absorb any of it was very stressful.

 

Creatively, I've got 2 mandalas on the go - an aztec and a celtic one.  And I did get on the rebounder today for 5 minutes.

 

Oh.  And I might have the answer to my IBS.  Stay tuned.  I'm going to give it another week before I go into details about what I"m doing about that.

[JanCarol]

Ugh. Night terrors. Intense sleep paralysis. Couldn't get away from a stalker who had been plotting his revenge for 7 years. He was waiting outside in a green car & when I tried to call for help on the phone, I could hear him breathing. He knew my plans as I made them & there was no escape. It took a long time upon waking to convince myself it was just a dream &I was safe in my house. Hard to get back to sleep after that. :-(

[Meimeiquest]

No fun!

 

I don't have it in me to really write about it yet, but I got my stool analysis back. Giardia was the big deal but lots of abnormalities. She wants me to do liver/adrenal support for two months and then start treatment. Said my Mensah supplements were almost identical to their basic nutritional support. I was treated for giardia in 2002 after I got really sick when our new daughter came home from China with it. But I had already been ill with fatigue and had a major depression in 1999. She said I may have had it since I lived in Niger 30 years ago!

 

She said it's no study, but she's been working with my pdoc for 6-8 months and every pyroluria patient he has referred to her has had some type of gut infection.

 

I will write the whole saga in my thread soon, but thanks for letting me hijack yours...I do hate to journal!

[JanCarol]

It's always good to hear from you MeiMei.  I guess I don't know much about Giardia.  There you go again, sending me to the research....

 

I've been using deep soil clay.  Not "purified bentonite" but "eating dirt" kind of clay.  I get it from my massage therapist who got great gobs of the stuff when she dug a 100 ft deep well on her property.  It's very healing clay.  I take it orally, and in enemas (with a little yogurt starter in the enema, too) and it seems to be helping.  I only take about a tsp a week orally, and about 2 Tbsp about once a week in enema.  The danger of overuse is it may strip me of nutrients and minerals, too.  Kind of a detox / chelation effect.  That's why I'm glad it's "dirty clay" instead of sterilized clay - I think the sterile clay will strip & absorb more.

 

I'm still not normal.  It seems like I make a change, I get a little improvement for awhile.  The clay thing has been one of the better improvements I've had since I started the Progurt (yogurt starter) and L. Reuteri when I have IBS fits.

 

I've also heard something about blackberry root bark - but cannot find it in this far flung country.  Maybe you would have better luck in TN?  Also - if it's Giardia - what about oregano oil?  That way you can selectively kill the bad guys with less damage to the good guys?

 

Thanks for posting here.  It's more fun for me anyways than trying to catch up on threads everywhere!

[JanCarol]

Struggling along.

 

On the plus side, I can now get through a yoga class with only modifications - instead of modified modifications.  And I sleep a lot the night after yoga, but I don't hurt for 3 days like I used to.

 

Physio on my shoulder seems to be fine.  I've managed to get in a few 10 minute rebounding sessions - but likely not regularly enough to make a difference.

 

I still have drains in my feet, that tap out - sap out - most of my energy.

 

I still have low mood that I just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

 

I am starting an herbal supplement for mood, called Kanna, used for bipolar stuff in Africa.  I see where it has some serotonin value.  After the trial, if it has helped, I'll likely jump to St. John's Wort (I got the Kanna in the USA, and it will be difficult to acquire here).  If 3 months of that doesn't help, I'll go back on the 5HtP.

 

I know that sounds like a lot of switching and trying things - I'm suspecting that the 5HtP is the best thing - but I just got an order of herbs & supplements from the USA, & wasn't planning on ordering again for a few months.  So I'll use what's "around the house" first.

 

Cautiously, carefully.  I'm taking 200mg of the Kanna.  50 is a very very very low dose, 3000 is a "get high" dose.  So the 200 mg is conservative but strong enough to feel a difference.  Especially since, traditionally, it is chewed (saliva activates) or smoked (heat activates) - so the 200 mg might not do anything at all.

 

If/when I switch to St. John's Wort, it will be at half doses, just because I'm terrified of serotonin drugs.

 

BUT - I will note - that I ran out of the 5HtP about a month after the huge lithium drop.  ALSO another factor, Doc decreased my thyroid in December.  I'm looking to get an endocrinologist for my blech, and I think I've found one who is "integrated" or "complimentary friendly" to try.  When ever I get time to get an appointment!

 

I'm moving extremely slowly.  I don't want to do anything.  I do have things on the calendar, and I will go - but I'm so tired, so unmotivated.  

 

One foot in front of the other.

[Fresh]

I didn't know you had drains in your feet JC  , what's that about?    Is the dirt experiment still going?

 

Plod , plod  

[peggy]

hello Jan!

 

*waving wildly from the wet, wet, wet, sunshine coast* 

 

i am feeling slightly worried about you - your posts have lost their upbeat quality - it is hard to decipher tone on the forum, but still....

 

i will be interested to see how your herbal experiment goes - reminds me of a party we held when i was share housing before i got married - we had a 'herbal' party and a poster we put up said 'you're not tired, just toxic' ... we were so ahead of the times   

[Fresh]

Saw this and thought of you.  You're ahead of your time JC.

 

" In Eat Dirt, Dr Axe explains that what we regard as modern improvements to our food supply - including refrigeration, sanitation, and modified grains - have damaged our intestinal health. In fact, the same organisms in soil that allow plants and animals to flourish are the ones we need for gut health. 

 

He explains that it's essential to get a little 'dirty' in our daily lives in order to support our gut bacteria and prevent leaky gut syndrome, and offers simple ways to get these needed microbes, from incorporating local honey and bee pollen into your diet to forgoing hand sanitizers and even ingesting a little probiotic-rich soil. The premise is simple: identify your gut type, learn which foods to eat and to avoid, incorporate your daily dose of 'dirt', and make simple lifestyle changes."