success ☼ JanCarol: Reboxetine first, then lithium

[btdt]

I am glad your not hurt. 

peace

[Fresh]

I'm glad you're not hurt too.    And I'm sorry to hear it happened (not coddling , just being human).

 

Don't beat yourself up , just observe.  It's going to be okay.

[JanCarol]

Why is everyone losing their pretty avatars?  This is a worry to me, as I'm visual, and recognize people by their pictures.  It's making the site look much less colorful, too - everyone looks "anonymous!"

[AliG]

 Cali , said she just lost her's. I'm so glad you're safe , too.  Cars can be fixed.

[Fresh]

There's a problem with the function that uploads pics - I lost mine last night   .

 

See "How to Use this Site"

[JanCarol]

Tapering update:  I'm gonna hold.  I can't be crashing the car every time I taper.  That's just not good.

 

I'm going to increase my thyroid back up - the adrenal I'm taking is very tiny, and I'm feeling like a grandfather clock which needs winding, I'm slow and tedious and don't have the "juice" to get it going.  I'm also going to double my metafolin, I've been taking a 1/2 tab (400 mcg) but my Ortho-doc seems to think that I'm not getting enough folate.  Sure, I could eat more leafy greens, but would I?

 

I dreamed about a building like where Cali lives, a support housing facility thingy, only it was in the USA, and it was much nicer than Cali's (I don't know what Cali's looks like, but this was like a nice hotel!)  The music group had an orchestra, and they played like professionals!  Some of us were sitting around - I was visiting, I didn't live there - but we were talking about what we would need to do if we went on holiday.  And basically our discussion sounded like complex tapering schedules.  One said she needed to make her liquid every 3 days, another talked about interdose withdrawal and she needed to take it every 4 hours, and we needed access to compounding so that we could have what we needed to go away....all of them were on heavy psych meds.  I started to explain methylation to them, as a means for them to understand how they got on psych meds to begin with. (like:  what if you really weren't crazy and you really didn't need all those drugs?)  In my dream, I ***understood*** methylation, and the relationship of B vitamins to cadmium, iron, zinc, copper, and heavy metals and toxins.  But as I tried to explain it to these women, their eyes glazed over.  I thought I was making it very simple and clear - but it was clear to me that they just couldn't take it in.  A reminder to me that NOT EVERYBODY wants to know what we learn here in SA.  Sigh.  

[AliG]

 J.C. This is just too hard to understand.

[Meimeiquest]

We are nuts. I'm holding too. I don't know how to resolve this, but Mensah insists, no matter how they are pushed, that folate is bad. Bad. Bad. for undermethylaters. Which I hope I am becoming, or I am getting into trouble. Nancy Mullen MD, working off Yasko, says lithium can directly impact methylation (did I send you this...it truly is complicated). So the tapering could change a lot, maybe. Could you send me the hotel address? And did you really bump a new something with the beautiful car? A woman after my own heart

[Meimeiquest]

I just read back far enough to know what's going on with the car. So glad you are okay, and that cars are made to come apart so the passengers don't. JC, I am just like that right now. My brain can't sort right, or choose the right thing. I leave things everywhere, half done, including at work, which is very scary. I don't have racing thoughts, but it seems like all my brain energy is working on ideas, thoughts, and nothing is there for what I am actually supposed to be doing. And tired, tired, tired. Please keep writing, it helps us all.

[AliG]

 I'm glad you're safe.

[JanCarol]

MeiMei:  

 

 

 that folate is bad.

 

I'm not on folic acid.  I gave all that to hubby for his cardiovascular blah blah.  I'm on metafolin, a different form which (according to my research) is supposed to be better for undermethylaters. 

 

Additionally, Orthodoc insists that it is improving (we are talking about deficient red blood cell volume, compared to lymphocytes, white blood cells, and total cell volume, as well as iron and B12.), however slowly.  It's like a form of anemia, but with no B12 or iron deficiency!  So she is thinking that as the lithium comes down, my blood count improves.  A case for continuing to taper - but I need to adjust from my recent crash, and maybe get my energy a little more stable before continuing.

 

Ali:

 

 

 J.C. This is just too hard to understand.  

 

Welcome to my world!  I'm actually at a point where the complicated formula which is my supplement regime is smooth and making sense.  My doc didn't agree with some of my decisions, but she is supportive.  Hormones are complex.  When you get to your ortho-doc you will begin to understand - and it will ease your mind so much being with someone who KNOWS what this stuff is and how to use it and how it works together (or against, in some cases) with  what you need.  Additionally, when you go to the ortho, you will get INFORMATION.  My doc gives me originals of all my bloodwork and tests, so I can study on the net what this means or that means, and have intelligent questions to ask her.

 

Two other additions:  Biohawk powder (concentrated special strain of ginger that snips proteins to remove the allergenic / inflammatory factor)  http://www.biohawk.com.au/  I've had 3 separate practitioners refer it to me, and my ortho doc keeps it on hand for her cancer patients because of the curcumin/turmeric in it.  

 

The other thing I am doing is near infrared.  I like to do 15-20 minutes in front of the lamp, shining it on my moist bits (crotch, belly flap, armpits) as well as my painful bits (knee, back, hand), and my tummy for IBS and digestion.  I only do 1-2 minutes on each bit, but I've got so many bits, that it takes about 15-20 minutes to get them all.  This is helping with my itching, though I can't say it's helping the pain or digestion, it is very soothing, and I think it helps my sleep some.  Very comforting.

 

These lamps (this is an Infraphil, a vintage one) used to be sold at chemists everywhere.  But Australia is worried about people hurting themselves, so the "pills are safer" than the lamps, and now you can only get antique ones, or ones that you install in your bathroom by an electrician.  (except my reading says that putting them on your head, especially the top of your head, is not helpful).  In the US, I could go to the hardware store and buy a bulb and a fixture.  In Australia, I have to buy a "vintage" one on ebay.

 

However, my routine is falling over.  I don't know if my energy is so bad because my routine is falling over, or my routine is falling over because my energy is so bad.  I've missed 2 sunwalks this week, when I missed only one over a year and a half.  I really need to push myself, but sometimes beating this horse just causes it to lay down and give up.  The sun walk is important, and the infrared lamp is NOT a UV/Sun lamp, so I really need to get out into the light.

 

Go to the light, Jan, they can't corner you there!

[Meimeiquest]

I would like to get all the ortho folks and naturopaths in a room and watch them fight it out over Metfolin. All I know is I got much worse taking it, and my histamine was right-in-the-middle normal. And I didn't show any snp's on MTHFR testing (but that is a huge molecule). Dr. Walsh says the folate gets into the cell nucleus, methylated or not, and messes with DNA expression in undermethylateors . Maybe it's because there's not enough methyl filling in the places where genes need "support" for their mutations, I don't know. And I don't know if he is right. But I sure would like to know! Maybe they are just arrogant and making this their platform.

 

Boy, I understand the routine dilemma. Very interesting about the sauna lamp. I have been thinking about that, but I am still a FAIL on exercise, so.... How do you set it up? Do you do anything to make yourself sweat? How do you feel after?

 

I probably will be a swinging single if I buy one more supplement...

 

Have a great walk, and keep up the good work!

[JanCarol]

Oh yeah, there's debate as to what kind of methylator I am.  No gene testing - I suspect it costs thousands here in the land of Oz.  Dr. Lucire (Sydney) can apparently get it done for around $300, but I am not her patient - I'm saving her for the really dire people who need her special skills.

 

The heat lamp, infrared, is only about 150W.  A snake/reptile one is 100W.  The big ones are 250W.  You get a bulb, you get a fitting for it (that won't melt).  I set it on a chair.  I shine it on a body part.  I don't sweat, but it is purifying, even when you do not sweat.  I only get a couple of minutes per body part, as I move it (or me) around as it starts to get uncomfortable.

 

Here's the TMI - because I'm big, I have lots of folds and flaps.  I can lift my folds and shine the light on where the sun don't shine - and it is helping with skin fungus.  It dries them out, and it feels oh so much better.

 

Exercise?  Ha!  I had to quit karate again because my hand swelled up.  I'm going to try Tai Chi, but I have to "apply" with the founder of the school, which sounds so much like a commitment (not just "try for a few weeks to see if I like it" which is what I want).  If she "approves" me for the school I will feel obligated to go to classes forever.  Maybe that's not a bad thing, but if I ever get well enough to go back to karate....well, I'll have to quit again.  But maybe once you're "approved," you can come or not come, or come again?

 

Even my yoga is yin yoga - you lie around on the floor in various positions.  Not really exercise, but it's movement.

 

We lithium buddies haven't a clue as to what to expect.  But this sounds like stupidity to me.  Harsh, but that's what it feels like, and that seems like what you are describing, too, MeiMei - as if there's not enough brain to go around to cover your life.

 

I've been looking to see if at some point I can switch to lithium orotate.  My ortho-doc can monitor my bloods - but what we can't figure out is this:  If you go totally off the lithium, there is a chance it won't be effective anymore (MeiMei we had this discussion over a year ago, I still think about it).  So if I go all the way off  lithium carbonate, and feel it is still needed, would lithium orotate fit the bill?  OR - is there such a thing as a cross taper?  My pdoc would not touch it with a 200 foot pole.  She won't even prescribe for compounding.  As my doses get smaller - this is getting trickier.  In the long run, I would rather be on 5 mg of lithium orotate, than what I am on now - and I would still run the risk of damage to my kidneys.  And the web is unhelpful.  I wonder what Mensah would say?

 

Good hearing from you!

[JanCarol]

The heat lamp is helping with pain, skin, and elimination.  I'm liking it.

 

I tried something new (eek!): I went to a "Shapemaster Spa" and did a 45 minute "workout" with "toning tables" and chairs.  This is powered exercise equipment that helps you move.  It is gentle, you never really get your heart rate up (great for "adrenal fatigue), and I think it felt really good.  The spa is small, there was only one other person there, and they played oldies, from 60's & 70's and a smattering of 80's.  Gentle stuff, no thumpy driving music.

 

There was fresh filtered water, and I could finish with a sauna, to take away any muscle aches I might have developed.  This is a good thing, I like it.

 

My next cut will be a 7% cut.  Easy does it - that will be in 2 weeks.  

 

Other things I'm trying:  a ginger product called biohawk that is supposed to ELIMINATE food allergies by cutting through the protein molecules or some such.  Kelp.  And Ox Bile, to improve digestion and feed liver.  Too early to tell what they are doing, but - 

 

I was a bad girl and couldn't resist the Pop Tarts in the cupboard.  They tasted like cardboard with icing and strawberry jam.  But it's what I thought I wanted.  Tonight, I am sick - but (I credit the heat lamp with this) instead of slow sick, things seem to be moving out just fine, like my elimination is working better.  TMI, but the gut is part of the deal.

 

I'm reading Armon B Neel, Jr.'s "Your Prescriptions May Be Killing You."  It is mostly about polypharmacy in the elderly, especially statins, PPI's, blood thinners and blood pressure medicine.  But it shows how easy the "prescription cascade" takes place and documents it. 

 

I posted on my facebook:  Statins - a gateway drug they never told us about.   And Antidepressants too.  Because then you need more drugs to deal with the stinking side effects.

[Meimeiquest]

I am exhausted beyond words from a new patient who is in a mess and who is creating a big mess for everyone else. One staff person just disappeared and abandoned her job after three shifts with him. And I work for the most inept management team in the world. Writing now because I cannot face my real life. So....Mensah sells lithium orotate, so I guess they must be for it, in low doses. I put my daughter on 4.9mg once daily (does that make me a horrible mom?). Lithium is actually an essential nutrient, mostly obtained from drinking water, and ours is filtered. My pdoc wants to eventually "switch" me to orotate, but I doubt I will do that. He says it is better at crossing the blood brain barrier so has less systemic side effects because you don't need as much. I don't think he has ever taken care of anyone like me. Very nice, and he won't pressure me to do anything, but I think I am still mostly on my own. So Nancy Mullan, working off Amy Yasko, says lithium impacts methylation because it inhibits the activity of the enzyme whose gene is across the activator strip from COMT, indirectly increasing the expression of the COMT gene. This is all so complicated, and she admits it is theoretical, not proven, but that they are finding tiny lithium doses to be helpful. I am seeing someone at Mensah on the 22nd. Their practice is examine, then test, but I insisted they have the labwork at the appointment. Last time it was "you must be naturally over methylated but undermethylated now" and my histamine was right in the middle.

 

You know, I'm about tired of all this.

[JanCarol]

Poor MeiMei!  Thank you for sharing - I so don't understand.  I've been reading a lot of stuff by Dr Lawrence Wilson about "nutritional balancing."  He's as mad as a hatter, and as opinionated as a right wing radio talk show host - but - much of what he says about methylation and oxidating makes sense.  He uses mineral hair testing, and looks for patterns, ratios and relationships.  Of course, his answer to everything is the same:  eat 9 cups of cooked veggies daily, plus lamb and organic meats and no sugar and very few carbs.  He's the one who got me using the near infrared lamp.  OF course, he says, it will do me NO GOOD unless I buy into the whole program, including scoffing at homosexuality and voting republican, as well as Christian meditations and "down sex" (TMI again).  But I'm trying to learn what I can.  Some of it make sense, and fits into yoga, ayurveda, and Traditional Chinese Medicine.  As I read it, some of it makes sense about reverse osmosis water (he is against it) and how certain things can strip you of vital minerals.  On the other hand, I've only added the Ox Bile and the lamp and maybe I will add TMG to aid digestion, to see if it helps.  Otherwise his methods are too restrictive.  Worse than Paleo.

 

Anyhow - I thought of this because he talks about "fast oxidation" and "slow oxidation" and then mixed oxidation which can be "fast mixed" or "slow mixed."  It sounds like you might be in one of the latter categories.  Honestly, I don't think ANYONE understands methylation, but I haven't read Dr. L Wilson's article on it, yet: http://drlwilson.com/Articles/METHYLATION.htm

 

So are you not feeling like Mensah is helping?  Of course, because I'm in Australia, I'm doing my own research and modifying - because my ortho-doc is a gynecologist, not a pdoc.  And my pdoc will just say, "surely I know nothing about methylation, pyroluria, and adrenal extract!"  So I'm still having to work it out.  But you - you have access to one of the "best in the biz," and you are feeling taken for a ride?  Or do I misunderstand?

 

I come here today to confess another taper.  A little sooner than I thought, maybe the Biohawk ginger has got me feeling more confident.  Going down 7% to 350 mg.  Starting tomorrow.

 

<3 <3 <3 Thank you for visiting my thread!  I'm sorry I'm so awful by not visiting yours!  

[peggy]

look at you go girl!  Almost 1/3 of your lithium dose!!!! awesome..., but take it easy won't you?, you don't want it to come back and bite you in the bum!!

 

edited to say I just looked at that Dr Wilson site .... whoa! his political leanings look way to scary for me to trust what he writes!!

[Meimeiquest]

I think I saw the Wilson stuff, but even I have my limits .

 

I think the Mensah supplements have helped me tremendously, but I am not doing as well lately. Hoping that the lithium dropping has "unmasked" (so hate that word in psychiatry) a methylation problem, otherwise I will have to make yet another trip to the drawing board. I wonder about heavy metals, but that's yet another confusing area with conflicting opinions. My sister had the urine challenge and spilled a whole lot of stuff. My liver or gallbladder is still tender off and on, and it's the liver mostly that should deal with metals. It is also where COMTase (?) is made. I did some castor oil packs over the liver, and they caused a lot of discomfort and agitation....going to leave that alone for now.

 

I am boycotting my thread. Nothing to read there . Sorry for taking yours!

 

Congrats on the next notch down! You'll be there before you know it! I can't taper anymore until my work problems are worked out.

[JanCarol]

Ok, Dr. L Wilson is a rightwing nutbag and belongs on the Rush Limbaugh show.  BUT - the things he says (if you can look past that) are that blood and urine and saliva give an inaccurate picture of mineral assay and heavy metals.  He only uses hair samples, because that shows what you are releasing.  The blood and urine is too quick and fleeting.   Additionally, Wilson seems to feel very strongly that the lab which tests the hair should NOT wash it - because they load it up with toxins and strip away the refined information.  Good, clean hair should be sufficient.

 

Additionally, I was reading another woman, Ann Louise Gittleman, "Why Am I always So Tired? Discover how Correcting Your Body's Copper Imbalance can...."  She talks about how the EPA uses tissue mineral analysis to test for toxins, so she started doing the same.  Mineral tissue analysis.  Hair analysis.  

 

Not blood and urine, because you might be holding toxins deep in your liver - but it's likely to show up in your fat and hair.  My Doctor Friend has had 2 hair analyses done, but I haven't talked specifics with her - as to whether it was washed at the lab, or if it told her anything helpful.

 

Of course, I'm in Australia.  I haven't a CLUE where to get these things done.  But I did notice that there's a practitioner for the tissue mineral analysis in my Mom's hometown.  I'm contemplating that.

[Meimeiquest]

If you're up to reading, and it sounds like you are, Sarah Myhill's website has a lot of interesting info on fatigue. I got her Kindle book, but it doesn't format well in Kindle, would recommend hard copy. She does RNA testing internationally (believes damaged mitochondria eventually burst the cell open (?) and by looking at the damaged RNA in the blood, one can see what is gumming up the mitos) but last I knew wasn't accepting new clients...lots of tired people in the world looking for answers! She also does needle biopsies of fat to see what fat-soluble junk is in there. Obviously her focus is on environmental medicine. I have read some Gittleman, agree it is interesting. Re Wilson, did you ever think you would see Tea Party and chakra (sp.) on the same website? Lol

[JanCarol]

I tried to post last night from tablet.  EVEN with an add-on keyboard, it is just not SA friendly.  I have no idea how people post from their phones!  I went to bed disgusted, and then spent the night "rewriting" this post. 

 

LOL Meimei, please, I'm glad to have you to banter with on my thread.  The lithium girls!  Have you considered that the lithium taper may not be UNMASKING anything, that the "methylation damage" blah blah might be FROM the lithium or other drugs?  Whatever, I do get confused with that ortho stuff.

 

And yes.  I have seen Chakras and Tea Parties in the same place before.  Real yoga, ashram yoga, is very conservative.  I think that is why I do not have as much trouble reading Lawrence Wilson as others do.  Because it makes sense in my knowledge of yoga - which is very conservative sexually and sometimes even politically.  I'm not talking about Politically Correct American Yoga, but Guru Bhakti Yoga, where surrender to the Father, the Guru, is essential to your well being.  So "Dr." L Wilson (it is unclear what kind of a Doctor he is, as he says he is qualified but not licensed?) hits a number of things that I believe to be true and correct. 

 

The hard part is separating out my "guru conditioning" from the Truth from his "opinion" because he is very opinionated.  And I hate sardines.  (meat is one place he differs from the Bhakti Yoga, who would be strict vegetarian or vegan - but this is a good thing - because taking away the meat leaves you more susceptible to hypnosis, dissociation, and mind control.  Dr. L Wilson wants you in control of your own mind, at any rate).

 

And Peggy - you are a prophet.  NO MORE CUTS.  The Black Dog is biting at my heels.  Relentless, unceasing depression.  Like my "base state."  

 

If I look back across this thread, I'm still far better off than 18 months ago when all this started - I have my mind (most of it, anyway), I have interests - I just don't have any energy and I am contracting, caving, going into the cave.

 

It seems like if I add one thing, it all falls apart.  That one thing might be as little as brushing my teeth and wearing  a dental splint every night.  Or it might be the infrared lamp.  Or maybe it is doing home yoga.  Whatever the thing I add is - everything goes out of whack, and I end up being less productive because of that ONE thing I added.

 

But however I don't feel energetic or motivated - at least I can see alternatives and options.  Whereas 18 months ago, I felt I was out of options.  My mind was so locked down or smothered with lithium that I couldn't see alternatives in thinking or being.  I may still suck at what I'm doing, I'm definitely not qualified to be the poster girl for lithium withdrawal, even though I've been very very careful!  But I still wouldn't go back on it, because I think that staying off of it will save my life.

 

I guess I need to search around SA for "beating the black dog" or "conversing with the black dog" or "befriending the black dog" or whatever it is I need to do to live differently.

 

My car will be repaired, I expect to get it back at the end of next week.  That is something to look forward to.  Perhaps the ONE THING that has me being agoraphobic is driving that van instead of a comfy car.  It's a small thing, an inconvenience - and yet - that may be the straw on this camel's back.  

 

ALSO I can feel how much karate helped me, and that's been taken from me.  I have tried a number of things - none of which work as well as karate.  Yoga is good, but not good enough.  Not emotional enough.  Not challenging enough.  The toning tables are, well, blah.  Nice, but don't do anything for me mentally.  Nothing does it like karate.  But my hand says no.

 

I remember when the karate club would break for Christmas, I would get worried that my well being would slip during a 3-5 week break.  And I would - a bit.  But now I'm sitting on a 6 month break, and I'm sinking in the sand.  Please don't tell me "the gym."  My hand wouldn't like machines, either - and I find them bo-ring.  It's not just the exercise, it's the mindfulness and surrender of the practice.  Walking is great - but karate is what fits my "karate receptors."  

 

Nothing else seems to fit those receptors.  Still have to call the Tai Chi lady and plead for acceptance into her school.......my caving has prevented me from making that call, too.

 

Jan in a cave.  That's me!

[JanCarol]

Okay, over 10 days later.  Better.

 

Car is back.  We went to a theatre fest and I found it inspiring;  (see:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9403-making-activist-art/  )

 

I'm still s-l-o-w.  Moving through mud.  My day starts late, and while I hear Alto's voice in my head saying, "just go with it," I live in this daytime country and I only have a couple of hours a day to get things done.

 

That said, I've been able to visit SA more, engage more, and seem to be more stable.  I'm still waiting until August to taper again, and it will be less than 10% (I think it will be 4-7%, for a dry cut).

 

I just woke up so my brain is empty.  Just reporting in that things are better.  

[JanCarol]

OK I thought I was following my own advice (see the exercise thread http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/931-exercise-what-kind-and-when-is-it-too-much/ )

 

It was raining, I was meeting a friend for lunch.  I was planning on getting 6-7 hours of sleep (less than usual, but what I have to do if I want to meet someone for lunch).

 

Next door was flooded last month (in fact 3-4 houses on our street were, lots of dead furniture and cars lying around after that), so next door is renovating.  They have a loud dog.  A loud junkyard dog, whose soul purpose is to keep them from being burglarized.  This dog barks at the railway line, crows, my husband and me.  So imagine what this loud, woof woof woof woof is gonna do when strange men are rattling ladders, climbing the roof, grinding and ripping up tiles, etc. etc. The loud dog barks 2x per second for minutes, sometimes hours at a time.  I get a break when the renovators take a smoke break or lunch.  This is the house nearest my bedroom window.  (today, on the second day of this, I put in earplugs, that helped, but I'm talking about yesterday at this point)

 

So when my friend calls I've had 3, maybe 4 hours sleep.  She called me on the landline = static.  So she was able to reach me on the mobile (there's a reason for this detail)  I know, there are people out there who would give their left eye for that much sleep, but for me, that is dangerous.  

 

I thought I was doing everything to the best of my ability.  I got up, I saw it was raining.  I did my "sun walk" in the rain (that's commitment!).  I decided that, since I had my car back, I would put water repellent on the rear windscreen, since it gets dirty so easily, and no rear wiper.  No biggie, right?  Wax on, wax off.  I can pretend to be Ralph Macchio - and it's gentle, not like turtle wax or anything really stiff.   I even got a footstool out so that I could reach across to the middle of the windscreen (for me, this is a big car).

 

As I finish, I realize I have strained a ligament in between a rib and vertebrae.  Oh darn!  This is an old injury, which can be annoying if I don't take good care of it.  So I'm going to take good care of it.  

 

I have a couple of phone calls to the vet and my hand specialist to make - I pick up the phone - static.  Oh.  It wasn't just that call.  My phone is dead.  My phone comes OUT of my router box, but I have broadband - just no phone.  I call hubby and troubleshoot the phone, to no avail.  Now I am a half hour late, but my friend is kind.

 

One thing you must know about me:  I am always late.  It's not what people think, I'm not being selfish or rude - I'm just really freaky about "going out" and feel like certain things have to be done before it's okay to leave.  It's not quite OCD, but it's like that.  ALL MY LIFE people have said, "well start earlier!" but it doesn't work like that.  THEN I find MORE things that have to be done before I can go.  We're talking simple things, like lock all the doors, close the compactus, brush my teeth and hair, choose my rings and bracelets for the day, choose my shoes and clothes, eat breakfast, eat extra protein, drink my hot stimulating beverage (sometimes coffee, sometimes tea), take my supplements, make any phone calls (because offices will be closed before I get home), get the mail, feed the cat, feed the birds, empty the litter, hang the laundry (or bring it in) - the list just keeps growing.  Please love me anyway, even though I am always late.  The fact that I come at all means I care, even if it is not up to "socially acceptable standards."

 

And thankfully, most of my friends understand that. So I pick up my friend.  My back is twanging, but we're going to acupuncture after lunch.  That should help.  We show up at the first place - it's a place we used to go to years ago, and we were looking forward to going back.  We look at the menu.  Each.  Three times.  And neither of us can find any food that we want to eat that won't make us sick.  We're late, but we pack up the menus, and walk out and go to our regular, safe cafe.  We get to acupuncture appointment on time.  

 

Acupuncture, great.  I feel much better after the Chinese liniment and treatment - and her massage technique is quite good.

 

I decide that my mood really requires me to go to Monday Night Yoga.  That I need to do something at least twice a week, or I will sag into a slump.  So I go.  I watch my back, I pull out of poses early when I have to, or just don't do them at all.  I thought I was moderate.  I came home and took an extra strong Oakmoss scented Magnesium bath (with sodium bicarb and ACV for lactic acid in muscles).  Felt fine.  Would've slept about 7 hours, if that LOUD dog hadn't started up at 7 am.

 

Woke up this morning in pain, knee, back, lower back, hips, and stiff and very v-e-r-y slow.  Now usually, I say that some soreness is okay, some tiredness is okay, the day after exercise - but if it goes into 2 days, I've overdone it.  However - by the level I sank overnight, combined with the loud dog lack of sleep, I think I need to rest and take it easy.

 

I did get a tiny nap today, but of course, that's when the telemarketer wanted to call and wake me up.  I can't win.

 

Tomorrow is Yin Yoga, which is gentler.  I have to keep going, if I want to manage my mood.  I guess I can alternate with the toning tables, if I think the yoga is too much.

 

Still intimidated about calling the Tai Chi Master Lady Royal Dancer.  That is my challenge for the next 2 weeks.  I have to call her before a week from Thursday.

[JanCarol]

On another front, I got a cheap blood sugar monitor.  So that I could experiment with headaches, fatigue, low moods - to see how much of it is sugar related.

 

I have learned that I do not have insulin resistance. (i.e., my sugar goes up when I eat, even if it is a sweet - but recovers quite normally)

I have learned that I have headaches and fatigue and low moods when my blood sugar is normal.  That is, I think my cyclical slumps are more cortisol or something else, not insulin and blood sugar or hypoglycemia.

 

These are interesting findings, and I will pay for a set of test strips to see if I can learn more.

 

Also I went to my GP who - even though my cholesterol is higher than it has ever been - now thinks that my cholesterol is not shocking.  It's as though she's forgotten those fights we had about statins.  AND I notice that the upper range has changed from 5.5 to 7.3.  Hmmmm.

 

She said I was doing everything right about my heart, my antihistamines, even my lithium (she seemed surprised at how slowly I was going).  She was pleased about the fish oil, turmeric and glucosamine.  She did have a problem with the natural thyroid, and didn't like my thyroid numbers.  (they are weird - some values too high, some too low, some just right - not an easy pattern to "read." )  But it was again, kind, supportive and gentle - I think she was surprised I came back at all after our last fight, or - Goddess of Medicine that She Is - she simply did not notice that we even had a fight.  She wants to test my bloods for arthritis, and run a coronary calcium score.  

 

Whew!  I planned for that meeting for over a month, and managed to be organized and cool - and believe me, folks, it helps IMMENSELY to at least SEEM cool in the doc's office, instead of anxious or jittery or pushy or anything.  I ACTED passive, even though I was BEING active about my health care.  Whew!

[Meimeiquest]

You go girl!

 

Hey, I listened to the Q&A section of a talk by Kelly Brogan (now that my job is more like a real job I don't have as much study time). Someone asked about tapering lithium. She said there are a lot of rebound symptoms, a few people can go 150mg at a time with several months' breaks in between, but often have to go more slowly. The lowest amount she has had to use so far was 10mg at a time. Your GP would love that.

 

Talked to Dr. Bowman at Mensah (after going to Chicago on the wrong day!!!). Blood work doesn't test for it, but going by symptoms, they are moving upward from a diagnosis of elevated copper level to general (heavy) metal overload and moving me to a "proprietary" glutathione supplement. When she gets to it, maybe in a couple of weeks. I think they are overloaded...with work, not metals.

[JanCarol]

Always the Proprietary Supplements!  My Ortho-doc tries to steer me to certain ones - but not because she has any investment in them.  She just has this belief that they are better.  I look at the hassle of acquiring them (this is Australia, here, very tightly regulated), along with the cost, and come up with a factor.  Like, you believe YOUR glutathione is 5x BETTER than say, what I can get from VitaCost or iHerb?  REALLY?

 

I'd love to hear what makes your glutathione "special."  (yes, cynical - but - aren't we all after where we've been?)

[Meimeiquest]

Well, I found talking on the phone far less helpful than meeting in person. But reading about glutathione in the past, I think it is hard to make an oral preparation bioavailable. If you HAVE to know (lol) it's on their supplement page, I think it is called Enhancer something. Who knows.

[JanCarol]

I seem to remember that glutathione is easy to mfg in body - that precursors are the way to do it.  I was taking it for awhile until I learned this.  Now I take the precursors, but it's so complicated I cannot remember what they are?

 

It's my understanding that if you want to test for copper or heavy metals, a tissue analysis or hair sample is the way to go.

 

So many tests!

[JanCarol]

O M G soooo sick.

 

Tummy.

 

Shunning rits.

 

Then fine

Then pain.

 

I have a referral to a colonoscopy.  But golly, I'm nearly invalid now, it's hard to go out of the house.  Not just the fear of pooping in public - the but pain, the blinding, can't think straight PAIN.  There seems to be nothing for it.

 

I ordered some pepto bismol through the mail (it is not available regularly in Australia, but can be imported) in the hopes that it will help whatever this is.

 

I've spent 2 days in bed.  And it's a chore just to go to the Post to see if my medicine is in!

 

really struggling here.  Mentally - I'm okay.  I think I'm looking at next taper in 3 weeks time.  Is it the taper that's killed my gut?  OMFG.  I've got tons of probiotics, and special ginger and pineapple "food additives" (not exactly supplements, but to be used that way).  Oh. Oh. Oh.

 

The only bright spot on the horizon is the knowledge that a Poo Transplant can be had in Australia.  I'd have to go to Sydney for it, but . . . . something to discuss with the colo-rectal specialist.....

[Meimeiquest]

So, so sorry. I did something similar, but not as painful, in my Wellbutrin taper. It was a sympathetic nervous system come-apart. Resolved by accidentally taking a 200mg pill instead of 100mg, but I don't recommend that. If it is your gut itself, maybe a low FODMAPS diet for awhile? If Australian GI's are anything like American ones, good luck with that. Some people think the prep for a colonoscopy pretty much wipes out the flora for awhile. But I, just coincidentally, had one in that taper and didn't see any harm come from it. I really hope you can get a resolution very soon!

[JanCarol]

Ah!  Actually sick, sick.  Like sinus sick.  Set up a vaporizer to sleep with (lots of eucalyptus - I do love living in the land of eucalyptus!)

 

Rest is in order.  More rest.  Alrighty then!

[JanCarol]

Alright, 10 days since I posted I was sick.

 

I'm still sick.

 

The sinuses cleared with acupuncture and steam earlier this week - only now the blinding pain (gas?) is back.  I was so desperate that I put a charcoal tablet in a saline enema, to try and absorb the gas.  It did seem to help, but I sure don't want to make a habit of it.  It was messy (black liquid) if nothing else.  And making a habit of it might make my bowel worse in the long run.

 

Constant pain in the descending colon.  I have gas, but have to press really hard to get it out.  Sometimes it doesn't come, sometimes it's not very tidy.  

 

Another day of not leaving the house.  It seems like I cannot do it (leave the house) 2 days in a row.  This morning I was violently ill (nauseous) and threw up my breakfast and supplements (oh well, that's some fish oil and vitamin C I must not need....)

 

Is this a virus?  (no fever) or autonomic dysregulation, like MeiMei says?

 

Next week is the scheduled time to taper.  If I don't taper then, I won't taper again until October due to travel.

 

But if another taper makes this worse......well.  The fear of that makes me think holding for 2 more months might be better?  The OTHER side of that fear is, what if the lithium is causing this, and I just need to get it out of my system!  How do people make these taper decisions?  

 

Like the rest of us, I have nobody here that I can ask.  As I say, "I'm in charge of my medical decisions."  But oh, sometimes that's hard.  It would be nice to hear someone tell me "what to do."  Which is how we got on the drugs in the first place.  Abdicating, deferring, submitting, to someone else's idea of "what I need."

[Meimeiquest]

Yes. Yes. Wish it was clearer. I hardly ever have GI symptoms, but I am doing the "drain the whole gut" diarrhea thing every morning for the past several days. How's that for TMI. I just threw out the raw milk that I use a bit of cream from. Maybe it is the lithium, who knows. I had a remarkable meltdown to stress reaction 5.5 weeks after my last cut, no GI symptoms.

 

When I did my autonomic thing (that was 8-10 episodes/day) I went to the ER for a lithium level on the weekend (was on full dose then). That was a cool $500. Any other option is probably better than that, but who knows which is best. I hope you're better soon!

[JanCarol]

On more positive notes, here's a little comedy bit about Kids and the DSM:

https://youtu.be/FLI-eEC5DVc?t=9m24s

 

I've discovered a book - by someone I've read before, Anodea Judith.  I have her "Wheels of Light" and could spend years in that book.  Well, if it was her Masterwork, this book is her PhD Thesis:  Eastern Body, Western Mind.  It addresses all the psychology I know, and applies it to all of the kundalini yoga I know.  WOW!

 

See the pdoc tomorrow, not asking for anything, just reporting in.  Maybe ask for some lithium blood tests, to watch my numbers go down, as I "get better" (fingers crossed)

 

Somewhat better, hope it holds.

[JanCarol]

The Avalanche, or cascade.

 

In this case, karate is the first rock.  When I'm doing karate, I'm doing mindfulness, exercise, catharsis, sublimation, and learning a skill.  Oh, and discipline, too.  When I come home I have a healthy smoothie and a magnesium bath.

 

Without karate, I have no magnesium bath, so now my entire "grooming regime" is out of sorts.  I got so disgusted today that I used dry shampoo so that I don't look slimy tomorrow.  And I'm not getting that extra dose of magnesium.  

 

Without the exercise, I get more tired.  (my pain levels seem to be bearable, though).

 

Without the mindfulness, and learning - I get stupid - can't hold as many facts, can't organize, have trouble "getting better."

 

Without catharsis and sublimation, my mood is affected.  It's easier to just ruminate, when I don't have that outlet.

 

And when the discipline of karate goes away, it affects other areas of my life, like binge eating.  Delayed sleep (really really badly).

 

One tiny pin, you pull it out, and the whole creature collapses.

[JanCarol]

FINALLY, after acupuncture, made it to yoga tonight, with a mag bath afterwards.  Hopefully it won't crash me!

 

I will get one more week of yoga before my yoga teacher takes some time off (closes the school, essentially) for her surgery.

 

Then I'm back on my own again.

 

Tomorrow is "call tai chi schools" day.