☼ Wildflower0214 Effexor WD and PTSD

[luv2knit]

Praying... Will someone be taking over his practice?

[Wildflower0214]

Nope. No one to take over. Closed.

 

Thank you. im scared

[luv2knit]

Praying...

[SelmaLady]

I'm surely praying too WF.  I've been there, where you HAVE to find a doc to rx a benzo for a slow taper.   Have you looked at any lists of benzo-wise docs in your area?  Can this doctor recommend one?  You are on a really low dose of a benzo that seems to trending one (if you go to ER, they'll most likely give you Ativan).  So I would think that there are at least some doctors willing to just continue you at the dose you're on.  I will keep praying until you find someone, WF..... xoxoxo

[Wildflower0214]

I know, but I have a compounded script to take it the dose divided out in 6 doses. And I'm not in liquid. I'm on capsules. So I have to have a doctors cooperation with this. The liquid makes me sick.

 

I hate to admit it, but I'm scared to death

[Wildflower0214]

I don't know. I will just have to wait and see what happens.

[tgirl]

Hello WF,

 

Can you get copies of your record from him before he closes and take them with you to a new doctor and just tell him that this is what your former doctor and yourself have agreed upon for a tapering plan, and you plan to stick to this plan.

 

I'm sure you'll find one who agrees.

 

Praying for you,

Tgirl

[Meimeiquest]

Will you see him again? Maybe he would write a script for six months of your current dose? I can't remember, the liquid that made you sick was compounded liquid or tablet suspended in water?

[Meimeiquest]

And what is the:dear doctor going to do? This is a hard time for MD's.

[dalsaan]

Can you discuss your concerns with him and ask him to recommend another doctor and have a three way conversation on your withdrawal strategy?

[AliG]

 Hi Wild, 

 

I think all of these suggestions are good, in their own way .   Like T, says you could get copies, and take them to a new Doc.  State what you want !!

 

Get a script for  6 months or more , before he goes . As Meimei, says.

 

Or as Dalsaan suggests.  Get your Doc to talk to " new" Doc.

 

All valid suggestions & ideas.     Just pick one .

 

I hope you can work it out, W.   You are doing so well.   Don't drop the ball, now.    You're in the final phase ! 

 

Love,  Ali.

[Wildflower0214]

Thank you everyone for all of the ideas and encouragement.

 

 

I already have an apt on the 6th with a doctor to see if they will agree. I'm going to bring my Rx with me. I'm not going to even mention having withdrawal syndrome. I have another health issue that would require slow tapering even without WD. So, to simplify the process, I'm just going to explain to them that I have POTS, which is essentially a disregulation of the nervous system which requires careful tapering.

 

I have apt to see my old dr later in the week and I'm going to ask him to recommend someone. And see if he will be available to discuss tapering if needed with new doctor.

 

Also, I found a doctor a few hours away that may cooperate if need be. Although, I'm not certain. So, I will have to wait and see. And, I found another a bit closer who may be an option.

 

 

 

Meimei, I tried in Jan of this year to switch one dose over to water suspension. It did not go well at all. I wish I could handle it. It would make everything much easier. Any doc would write the script and then I could taper as I saw fit. Maybe at a later date I will be able to do this.

 

Thank you all again!!! I'm sure there has to be someone who will cooperate with me to continue this taper.

[luv2knit]

Sounds like you have some good options there! Hopefully at least one of them will work!

 

XOXO

[Wildflower0214]

Luv, yes, I'm hoping so.

 

XOXO

[Meimeiquest]

IF you ever want to try again, you might try taking half the dose as liquid, and then take the other half an hour later. I haven't ever been near as sensitive as you, but I have had the feel of liquid hitting me like a ton of bricks when adjusting to it. I'm sure it would feel like a tsunami to your nervous system.

[Wildflower0214]

You know, that's a decent idea. I will have to remember that for in the future. I eventually want to get on a water suspension.

 

I believe the reason why my attempt went so poorly was because a I have a paradoxical reaction to the Ativan. So, even a smidge too much of the drug and Im wonky. My body does not like the stuff. So it makes everything more complicated.

[Wildflower0214]

Well,

 

I've found a doctor who is willing to taper me as slowly as needed and also is aware of thyroid issues and runs full blood workups (Free T3, Free T4, Hashimotos antibodies etc) She also uses Natural thyroid meds, but also Synthroid if need be.

 

I let her run the full thyroid panel on me, but she said she promises not to make me take anything if I don't want to.

 

I'm pleased.

 

I saw her once last year when I was very very ill. She was very kind, but I was just to sick too let her do any lab work at all and I never went back. My friend actually reminded me about her when I found out my other doctor was closing his practice. She told me I ought to go back and see if she would help me. I'm happy to have friends who help me see options I would have otherwise dismissed or forgotten to even try.

 

I have to say, I feel very thankful and blessed.

[luv2knit]

So, so happy for you, WF!! That's awesome!!

 

XOXO

[Wildflower0214]

Also, the stress of finding out that my doctor, who I had become quite dependent upon was closing his practice scared the crap out of me. I was scared I couldn't handle finding another doctor and navigating all of the obstacles that I knew were coming.

 

This situation has taught me, that I can. I can navigate my life, even in WD. I can advocate for myself, even when I'm scared. I can make wise choices and take care of myself even when I'm nervous and feel like I can't. I can do all of these things.

 

I reframed my heart palpitations and sweaty palms as being excitement about a new stage in my healing, a new doctor. I told myself that my anxiety was my body helping me be aware and vigilant and competent. And, at night when I felt more revved up because of the stress, I thanked my body for being so prepared and aware to help that day, and then I told it that now I would show my gratitude by laying and resting in bed while doing some meditative breathing.

 

When my body woke me up early this morning, the day of my doctors appointment to see if this woman would be willing to help me, I thanked my body for remembering that I needed extra help today and told it that it was ok, we could rest a while longer.

 

Last, I kept faith that there would be a way through this, and I kept hope that this would be the beginning of an even better time of healing for me. And, I believed that my prayers for wisdom were being answered.

 

I saw a return of the resilience and tenacity I have always had. I saw a glimpse of the person I have always been. And it gave me hope that I am becoming more and more the person I once knew myself to be.

 

Reframing anxiety and stress has been a real breakthrough for me. It's just another tool in the toolbox, one of the 100 small things that makes such a difference.

[Wildflower0214]

So, so happy for you, WF!! That's awesome!!

 

XOXO

Thank you, friend.

 

XOXO

[luv2knit]

So impressed with your new attitude and determination!

 

You CAN do this--and you WILL heal!!

 

XOXO

[calithebold]

Hi Wildflower

 

I know how scary it is to change doctors. I left my old doc in July this year because she was drugging me to the eyeballs and I went with a new one. I am so glad I did because my doc is wonderful. It really threw me and then afterwards there was a limbo period of three weeks where I didn't really have anyone and that was scary too. Now that I have made the change and my new doc is good, I know I can relax, well apart from my usual chaos  . I am really please for you and it sounds like your new doc is good. 

[freespirit]

What an inspiring post WF! Love how you've reframed potential difficulties into something else...and glad you're seeing the benefits of the 100 things you're doing. 

[AliG]

Wild,

 

You've come so far !!   Your " positivity" is palpable, and infectious.  I needed to read this today.  

 

You've helped renew , my hope & faith ,  in this process.   

[luv2knit]

Hope you're hanging in there, WF. Not much change here... Nothing much to say. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

 

XOXO

[luv2knit]

Just checking in with you, WF. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

 

XOXO

[WinningThrough]

Just saying hello, wildflower. Your reframing work sounds very good! Xx

[Wildflower0214]

Thank you all for posting such kind and generous words. I really appreciate it.

 

Well, I've been trying to engage with "real" life as much as possible. Sometimes it works out and other times it doesn't. It's kind of a bumpy road trying to figure out what I can and can't do.

 

I just had another run in with food. I ran out of the normal green beans I eat and the store was also out. So I tried to switch to an organic brand and it did not go well. I had a wave or neuro-anger, irritability, and just feeling very emotionally liable. And, my legs felt all floaty and I felt like my head was a balloon, as if it might lift off from my shoulders. Not fun. But, it is what it is. I was finding it very difficult to not buy into my own drama about the situation. Self-pity was looking very enticing, and if I am honest I will say that I gave into it for a bit. But, I think recognizing I'm doing it is good. At least I'm aware of it and don't stay there very long.

 

I'm annoyed that the food situation seems to be the slowest to change. Adding foods hasn't gotten any easier for me than it was last year. I don't know why. I know it will get better though, in time.

 

I have also been working on learning to cope with vulnerability. It is not easy for me to deal with. The whole time I have been sick I have been in contact with someone I used to date. We parted on good terms. I speak with him once every few months and it has historically induced anxiety. Because, I care for him, but I'm sick and can't be in any kind of relationship. He knows this and understands, but cares for me and just wants to check in on me every so often to see how I'm doing. I used to block his phone number, because the thought of a random phone call at any given time made me nervous. Not because I didn't want to speak with him, but the feelings it would bring were hard to handle. I have now made myself unblock his phone number and just leave it that way. So, in a way, I'm leaving myself in a vulnerable position. It's a small step I felt like I needed to take. I have no idea what the future holds and he's not making me any promises, which is actually really comforting. There is no expectation of anything. No one can say what will or won't happen and I'm learning to accept this ambiguity and even welcome it. I thought it would be so hard to accept that there are no absolutes. But, actually acknowledging all of this seems to be relieving in some way I can't quite explain.

 

 

Its going to be ok. I'm going to be ok. This, I know. And, that's enough for me right now, just knowing I'm going to be alright.

[dalsaan]

As they say, even the longest journeys begin with the first steps.  

 

I had a tear in my eye reading your post and identifying with where you are at with vulnerability and the steps you are taking.   I have had to learn to be vulnerable and ok with uncertainty.   I think learning to deal with vulnerability is about learning that you have the power to act in all situations. You can make choices when the phone rings whether to answer it.  You don't have to control for the prospect that it might happen at a time that's not right for you.  That's empowering and positive.

 

You are going to be ok.   So am I

 

Well done

 

Dalsaan xx

[KarenB]

Hello Wildflower,

 

I'm going to have a go at that reframing you described.  I think there are lots of areas I could use it . 

 

KarenB

[luv2knit]

WF--So good to hear from you. Sounds like your new approach is working very well for you. (Sorry the food issues are continuing!)

 

Please know that you remain in my thoughts and prayers!!

 

XOXO

[AliG]

Wild ,

 

You're making such positive steps , forward.  From how you were, to how you are now , is " lifetimes " apart.  You have grown so much , in the time I have known you.  " Inspirational "  !!.  I'm so happy for you.  

 

Love and hugs,

 

Ali .

[Wildflower0214]

Well guys,

 

First, thank you for writing. I do always appreciate the support

 

Secondly, I made a 1% decrease in the Ativan. I'm only halfway through the first day and it is not going well. I'm burning, heart palps, dry sinuses, feeling speedy, can't get warm.. Body temp is all over the place.

 

I tried to call my doctor to have them call in previous dose, but she is out today. And it takes the pharmacy 2 days to even make the capsules. So, I'm not sure what to do.

 

I can't help but wonder if I cannot even make a 1% decrease, how I will ever get off this stuff before I hit 40.

 

Not much else to say. It is what it is. I haven't said this in a while, but this really really sucks. I try not to be negative. But, sometimes acknowledging that this all sucks is needed. But, I can't stay in that frame of mind.

[luv2knit]

So sorry, WF. Yes--acknowledge it and (try to) move on. Really all we can do!

 

Prayers!

 

XOXO

[KarenB]

I couldn't do 1% cuts either.  This last round I did 0.4% cuts.  I also have 'turning 40' looming.  If only we could banish those thoughts from our heads...

[Wildflower0214]

Luv, thank you for the constant support! xoxo

 

Karen, ugh, yes, the looming 40 thoughts need to go. They are self-defeating, but sometimes so hard to push away. Thanks for stopping by!!

 

 

There is probably a better place for this besides my Intro topic, but I don't have the brain power right now to figure out where that place is.

 

I keep having this idea that somehow I did this to myself because of drug use as a teenager. I didn't do drugs daily for any length of time, and I was always functional (attended high school, got good grades for the most part, got a degree etc) But, I did a variety of drugs from the time I was 14 until I was 19, and then sparingly after that, and then stopped all drugs use and alcohol use at 23.

 

I smoked cigarettes also. I never remember having any WD from quitting. Although I tapered off over a period of about a year. I didn't CT. And, I never had any WD from quitting drugs even though I did CT them. Maybe I didn't have a WD because I didn't do them daily, only maybe a few times a week max or a few times a month.

 

There just seems to be something dangerously unique about Rx meds, specifically psych meds. I don't know if it's because they are synthetic? I know people come off synthetic street drugs with less upheaval (ecstasy etc).

 

I just feel like I still don't understand why these drugs are so destructive in comparison with other drugs. I'm at a loss. Maybe we don't know enough to have any good answers to these questions yet. But, I was involved in social-work for a time, and I have never seen anything resembling AD WD in addicts and those coming off drugs. Never. The main difference is the widespread Instability caused by AD and the length of time it involves to recover. I have witnessed people with 30+ year drug and alcohol habits regain their health in a fraction of the time most of us do. And these people were not the exception to the rule.