☼ Ten0275: I'm Dave and I'm almost there

[apace41]

Great news, Dave.

 

 Congrats on where you are.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[brassmonkey]

Hi Dave-- such a wonderful update, it's good to hear that things are going so well.  We miss having you around, but totally understand how life can "get inn the way".  Keep up the good work and keep us informed.

 

Brass

[LexAnger]

Wonderful Dave! Thanks for coming back.

You have been missed.

 

Sending more healing power to your way! 

Lex

[ten0275]

Everyone, hello.

 

It's been about a year since my last update, so I thought I would check in with a status update.

 

On December 24, 2018, I decreased from 0.3mg to 0.2mg mirtazapine after a long hold. Everything is going well with this most recent cut so far, and I am hopeful this scenario will continue to be the case. I've taken many breaks in cutting over the last year and feel that it has fortified my nervous system to resume tapering for these, my final cuts. I will make two more cuts - from 0.2mg to 0.1mg, and then from 0.1mg to nothing. Barring anything unforeseen, I will accomplish that this year. I will take long breaks in between. The thought of being off these medications in-full is almost unfathomable after nearly my entire lifetime on psychiatric chemicals. But I am ready for this.

 

My sleep remains well, and I am thankful considering so many struggle with sleep during mirtazapine withdrawal. I'm in bed most nights between 1930hrs and 2030hrs. I still rise between 0300 and 0330hrs and am in the gym by 0400 and 0430hrs. I lift free-weights, use resistance bands, and engage in periodic vigorous walking. I prefer strength training over cardio activity. My weight is stable.

 

My mood is generally positive and I know to hunker down when I feel unfit for human circulation. That usually occurs after a cut when I am feeling sensitive and neuro-emotional. I am productive at work and enjoy working with the people I do. I no longer have any fear of meetings or work interactions. I am a fully-functioning employee.

 

My current intake of drugs/supplements include 0.2mg liquid mirtazapine compound prior to sleep, b-vitamins/folate, quercetin/vitamin c, vitamin d (very occasionally), lactase, creatine, and occasional magnesium when I feel my nervous system can benefit. I utilize high-quality whey protein. I still drink coffee.

 

Diet remains wide-range. Meat is still the center of my diet, but I have also begun eating foods like eggs, nuts, and seeds that I'd had issues with during withdrawal. I am still lactose intolerant post-withdrawal and utilize the lactase when I take dairy. Most histamine-related issues from the mirtazapine use/withdrawal have subsided.

 

I want to take this moment to wish you all a Happy New Year. I hope 2019 truly proves to be a year of great healing and happiness for all of us. I will check back in as I can and hopefully, ultimately, with news of my successful complete discontinuation from mirtazapine. Slow and steady. Patience is the hardest-won ally.

 

Hang in there all,

 

Dave

Edited January 2, 2019 by ten0275

[apace41]

Awesome update, Dave.  Glad you are doing so well and nearing the finish line.  You have done incredibly well.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Altostrata]

Thanks, Dave. Onward in the new year!

[ChessieCat]

Fantastic update.  Thanks for coming back and updating.  It's great to hear that you are doing so well.  And I'm pleased that you are remaining patient.

 

I really liked this comment 😊:

 

2 hours ago, ten0275 said:

 

I know to hunker down when I feel unfit for human circulation.

 

 

[Rosetta]

Very nice to see success like this!  You are an inspiration.  Thanks for updating.  I love to read the threads that have sunshine symbols! -Rosetta

[Santino]

Awesome update Dave....

I am soo happy you are doing it... I am sure you will be well when this ordeal is over.

Happy New Year Santino

[ten0275]

thank you so much everyone, i am grateful for your well-wishes and kind support. this has been a journey of intense and uncertain proportion. i never anticipated healing to take as long as it has, but i now understand that careful tapering and the eventual completion of my taper is only a portion of that process. i acknowledge that healing will stretch far beyond the actual taper phase as i continually acclimate to life with a gradually improving nervous system. things seem constantly new. i am amazed daily at what i see getting smaller and smaller in the rear-view mirror of this experience.

 

i really appreciate you all taking the time to read my update and lend your support and hoorahs. this forum is a rare, rare refuge.

 

hang in there,

 

dave

[ChessieCat]

46 minutes ago, shawny said:

@ten0275 ur back online ? 

 

How u been  I trired messaging u but I guess it stays u can’t revive any messages 

 

 

[ten0275]

hey everyone,

 

i wanted to check in here with an update. before i get into the status of my taper, i'll talk about a medical thing that happened to me a week ago yesterday because it is pertinent to a degree i guess.

 

after recently coming down with what amounted to a cold virus mixed with seasonal allergies, i started feeling some ear pain last saturday. i have a fairly high threshold for pain and this was intense enough that i decided to seek medical treatment at an urgent care walk-in clinic. the clinic told me that my left ear appeared infected, that the eardrum was bulging, and they prescribed me antibiotics. i haven't had an antibiotic in 20 years and have known some people in withdrawal react poorly to them. but i was in enough discomfort that i filled the prescription for them. that evening, the pain intensified and at about 11:45pm, i felt this bubbling sensation in my ear and some fluid came out. the pain dissipated fairly quickly, but so did my hearing. i lost all hearing in my left ear. that was really frightening. the hearing loss in that ear is still complete. my ear bled each night for the two nights that followed. i had a follow-up appointment with my primary care physician three days later who said "with a suspected eardrum rupture, i am usually looking for the rupture. in your case, i am looking for your eardrum." apparently most eardrum ruptures that are simply ruptures will heal on their own. mine is apparently going to require surgery as the eardrum blew to pieces from the pressure. i have an appointment this coming thursday with a specialist who will give me the rundown of what needs to happen and hopefully i'll eventually get some or all of the hearing back in that ear. everything is surreal with only one ear operable. funny sidenote: my doctor also joked, "you've been coming to me for 17 years. why can't you ever come in with something simple? it's always intense with you. prolonged withdrawal syndrome, blown eardrums, etc. etc. how about coming in to have a sliver removed sometime?"

 

a couple cool things about all this. first, i took the antibiotic - a 5 day course of zithromax (z-pack) - with no negative implications. i am taking a probiotic as i know the antibiotic kills bacteria, both good and bad, indiscriminately. also, despite the truly scary symptoms of this rupture - complete deafness in the left ear, tinnitus in that same ear, some facial numbness, and some headaches and localized ear pain, i've been able to remain emotionally centered. that is something i would have never dealt with while on psychotropic medication, and in more intense periods of withdrawal i don't think i would have dealt well either. so while none of this is pleasant and a whole lot of it is freaky, i feel equipped and confident to deal with it. the prospect of surgery and the unknown of local or general anesthesia is daunting, but again, i feel hopeful that i can deal with it.

 

i am on my last dose of mirtazapine. i am at .05mg. i'm not going to make the jump until this medical thing w/ the ear is behind me, so unsure when. but i have always tried to refrain from cuts or changes when life has been difficult or thrown curveballs, so holding now seems intuitive, and i will. i'd probably be ok to jump, but why risk it when it took me this long to get this far and i'm doing alright?

 

so, that is the update from me. @shawny, thank you for checking in.

 

@Hopefull, i saw you made the jump - so incredibly proud of you. and i hear you on the weight stuff. mirtazapine is so bad with that. i've gained some myself which i attribute to both the mirtazapine and the fact that i am in my mid-40s, so hormones are changing.

 

@everyone, best wishes and hang in there.

 

with solidarity,

 

dave

 

 

[Maca44]

WOW, what a great encouraging journey im so glad to have seen it.

 

Good luck and well done. 

[ten0275]

@Maca44, thank you so much for the kind words and thank you for taking the time to read. hang in there yourself

[ChessieCat]

17 hours ago, ten0275 said:

i am taking a probiotic as i know the antibiotic kills bacteria, both good and bad

 

I'm fairly sure that I read (and posted the link on SA somewhere) that these need to be taken about 2 hours apart.

[ten0275]

hey @ChessieCat, thank you, yes, that is correct. and fortunately it was just a 5 day course of antibiotics, so i'm already done with the antibiotics. so now it is just focusing on good prebiotic foods and continuing with the probiotics. i'm taking a probiotic high in bifidobacterium infantis - the bifido strains tend to be good colonizers. thanks again.

 

[Prestorb]

Wow, good to see your update Dave and praying for you in this upcoming surgery. Very scary but glad you are feeling emotionally solid, that makes all the difference. God bless you!

[ten0275]

@Prestorb, thank you so very much, that means a ton!

[Hopefull]

On 5/26/2019 at 10:13 PM, ten0275 said:

hey everyone,

 

i wanted to check in here with an update. before i get into the status of my taper, i'll talk about a medical thing that happened to me a week ago yesterday because it is pertinent to a degree i guess.

 

after recently coming down with what amounted to a cold virus mixed with seasonal allergies, i started feeling some ear pain last saturday. i have a fairly high threshold for pain and this was intense enough that i decided to seek medical treatment at an urgent care walk-in clinic. the clinic told me that my left ear appeared infected, that the eardrum was bulging, and they prescribed me antibiotics. i haven't had an antibiotic in 20 years and have known some people in withdrawal react poorly to them. but i was in enough discomfort that i filled the prescription for them. that evening, the pain intensified and at about 11:45pm, i felt this bubbling sensation in my ear and some fluid came out. the pain dissipated fairly quickly, but so did my hearing. i lost all hearing in my left ear. that was really frightening. the hearing loss in that ear is still complete. my ear bled each night for the two nights that followed. i had a follow-up appointment with my primary care physician three days later who said "with a suspected eardrum rupture, i am usually looking for the rupture. in your case, i am looking for your eardrum." apparently most eardrum ruptures that are simply ruptures will heal on their own. mine is apparently going to require surgery as the eardrum blew to pieces from the pressure. i have an appointment this coming thursday with a specialist who will give me the rundown of what needs to happen and hopefully i'll eventually get some or all of the hearing back in that ear. everything is surreal with only one ear operable. funny sidenote: my doctor also joked, "you've been coming to me for 17 years. why can't you ever come in with something simple? it's always intense with you. prolonged withdrawal syndrome, blown eardrums, etc. etc. how about coming in to have a sliver removed sometime?"

 

a couple cool things about all this. first, i took the antibiotic - a 5 day course of zithromax (z-pack) - with no negative implications. i am taking a probiotic as i know the antibiotic kills bacteria, both good and bad, indiscriminately. also, despite the truly scary symptoms of this rupture - complete deafness in the left ear, tinnitus in that same ear, some facial numbness, and some headaches and localized ear pain, i've been able to remain emotionally centered. that is something i would have never dealt with while on psychotropic medication, and in more intense periods of withdrawal i don't think i would have dealt well either. so while none of this is pleasant and a whole lot of it is freaky, i feel equipped and confident to deal with it. the prospect of surgery and the unknown of local or general anesthesia is daunting, but again, i feel hopeful that i can deal with it.

 

i am on my last dose of mirtazapine. i am at .05mg. i'm not going to make the jump until this medical thing w/ the ear is behind me, so unsure when. but i have always tried to refrain from cuts or changes when life has been difficult or thrown curveballs, so holding now seems intuitive, and i will. i'd probably be ok to jump, but why risk it when it took me this long to get this far and i'm doing alright?

 

so, that is the update from me. @shawny, thank you for checking in.

 

@Hopefull, i saw you made the jump - so incredibly proud of you. and i hear you on the weight stuff. mirtazapine is so bad with that. i've gained some myself which i attribute to both the mirtazapine and the fact that i am in my mid-40s, so hormones are changing.

 

@everyone, best wishes and hang in there.

 

with solidarity,

 

dave

 

 

 

Hi Dave,

So sorry to hear about your current health situation. 

I don't blame you if you are feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing. 

I wish you all the best with your ear surgery. Thank you so much for your kind words,  it is really touching.  Wishing you speedy recovery and let us know how you are doing.  I had a good laugh reading your doctors remarks. At least he/she has a good sense of humor.  Some of us are "drama", magnets. Life with us is never dull, Lol!

Take care,  Hopefull.

[ten0275]

Hello All,

 

A couple things to report.

 

First, my ear has been slowly healing since I had the appointment/procedure with the specialists at the end of May. I have a follow-up in late June and at this point, I do see some restoration of hearing, so I am very encouraged by this. I look forward to being able to hear with both channels again, and hopefully soon.

 

Second, I jumped. Mirtazapine is done. I jumped from .05mg. I did so on June 15th, so have now had two nights without it. Sleep has been ok, though I've had some wake-ups and night sweats. I think my fear of jumping after decades on the drug (and nearly my whole life on some form of drug or another) is contributing to this. So I am trying to center myself as well as possible. I am still exercising and eating clean. I did not throw away the Mirt on the chance that I will need to reinstate, but I am feeling strong and hopeful that I have finally crossed the finish line. After an elapse of much time (I like the way @brassmonkey and others have done it), I will write a success story. I don't want to jump the gun on that by any means. But I do feel hopeful. It is still early days obviously and as with most cuts I've made, I expect that I will feel something as a result of the jump. My truest hope is that whatever fallout I have from cessation will be manageable.

 

It seems hard to believe after all this time that I am finally here. It is beyond bizarre not to take something before bed. I go to the spot where the Mirtazapine was (I moved it) and am reminded that I am not going to do that tonight. It is simultaneously refreshing and terrifying.

 

So that is where I am now. Off of all psychotropic medications. I will keep everyone looped and let you know of both hiccups and successes in the coming days, weeks, and months.

 

Thank you for reading, and as always, hang in there.

 

Dave

[RichT]

Dave,

 

I hope it goes very smoothly!

 

best wishes

 

Rich

[Maca44]

Great to hear that your off and I can understand not reaching for the Mirt before bed it must feel odd. 

I wish you well being med free its an amazing achievement and I hope to join you some day, although Mirt has helped me over the years it is taking over my life so reading your progress has given me some hope.

 

Well done 

[brassmonkey]

Congratulations Dave. It's a really scary move to finally make the jump, but so well worth it.  Don't be surprised if there are some "hiccups" for a while, It's amazing just how powerful that last little tiny bit was.  Don't let the "hiccups" fool you, they will pass.

 

Well done

 

Brassmonkey

[direstraits]

congrats,Dave.

I hope all goes well for you.

I'll always remember your kind words to me here.

 

all the best to you,ds

[shawny]

@ten0275 tats brilliant 

u hAve always been my motivator come back n let us know how u feel ! 

 

Not able to message u as ur message box is full 😂😂😂

[nick1990]

Wow ! Congratulations Dave 

[Hopefull]

On 6/18/2019 at 3:26 AM, ten0275 said:

Hello All,

 

A couple things to report.

 

First, my ear has been slowly healing since I had the appointment/procedure with the specialists at the end of May. I have a follow-up in late June and at this point, I do see some restoration of hearing, so I am very encouraged by this. I look forward to being able to hear with both channels again, and hopefully soon.

 

Second, I jumped. Mirtazapine is done. I jumped from .05mg. I did so on June 15th, so have now had two nights without it. Sleep has been ok, though I've had some wake-ups and night sweats. I think my fear of jumping after decades on the drug (and nearly my whole life on some form of drug or another) is contributing to this. So I am trying to center myself as well as possible. I am still exercising and eating clean. I did not throw away the Mirt on the chance that I will need to reinstate, but I am feeling strong and hopeful that I have finally crossed the finish line. After an elapse of much time (I like the way @brassmonkey and others have done it), I will write a success story. I don't want to jump the gun on that by any means. But I do feel hopeful. It is still early days obviously and as with most cuts I've made, I expect that I will feel something as a result of the jump. My truest hope is that whatever fallout I have from cessation will be manageable.

 

It seems hard to believe after all this time that I am finally here. It is beyond bizarre not to take something before bed. I go to the spot where the Mirtazapine was (I moved it) and am reminded that I am not going to do that tonight. It is simultaneously refreshing and terrifying.

 

So that is where I am now. Off of all psychotropic medications. I will keep everyone looped and let you know of both hiccups and successes in the coming days, weeks, and months.

 

Thank you for reading, and as always, hang in there.

 

Dave

 

Well done Dave! Congratulations ! It is "normal "  to feel a bit anxious after you jump of Mirtazapine.  It is weird to suddenly not have to take anything before bed. Even though Mirt did nothing for me and I went through a bad WDS, when I stopped taking it, I felt really vulnerable for a good week and it took me about a month to get over the anxiety of not taking anything. 

So, I completely understand how you are feeling at the moment.  But soon you will forget about it and move on with your life. 

Good news about your ear operation. 

Wishing you a speedy recovery.  Take care, Hopefull.

[ten0275]

Hey Everyone,

 

Thank you all so very much for the words of encouragement and advice, it means a ton. Sleep two nights ago was fairly broken, last night's sleep however was full and restorative. I've been dealing with some anxiety upon waking in the morning, but that tends to burn off later in the day. I mention it because that morning anxiety upon waking is something I haven't dealt with in some time. All-in-all, I feel like I am hanging in there fairly well so far.

 

Again, I am beyond grateful for your support and well-wishes. I'll check back soon.

 

Hang in there,

 

Dave

[PH1]

Great job, Dave!   You took it nice and slow and you and your patience are being rewarded.    Thanks for setting a good example for this community.

All the best to you!

[Carmie]

Hi Dave, 

 

Congratulations on coming off your medication. Could you please update your signature so everyone can see how you did it. Thanks so much. 

 

It must be nice not having to worry about taking your meds before bed every night now, as you said. I’m very happy for you.

 

Sending hugs🤗

[Eastcoastgirl]

Your story and positive attitude gives me so much hope. Thank you for sharing. 

[ten0275]

@PH1, @Eastcoastgirl, and @Carmie,

 

Thank you so much for your well-wishes, your kind words, and your generosity of spirit. It is gratefully received, I assure you! Everything is still going well at this point, last night having been my 1 week mark with no drugs at all in my system. It still messes with my mind a little when it comes to be that time I used to take the Mirtazapine, it makes my heart race a little, but I deep breathe and get myself into a comfortable head-space and sleep has been rather well. Not that I have been symptom free - I have woken with some minor anxiety, I have had restless legs, I've been a little more spacey, and more apt to cry during the couple movies I've watched in the last two weeks (I actually don't mind crying, it feels good!), but all in all things have been tolerable and even good!

 

@Carmie, thanks for the prompt to take the time to add the rest of my cuts to my signature. I had to get out the trusty notebook and I added everything from 1/2/2017 until current. It made me laugh that I even documented syringe size changes and pharmacy changes. But you know, if there is one thing I have learned in this process, even the most innocuous seeming changes can make significant differences. So it is all documented now. I hope it helps. I took my time in my taper. The dates of the cuts show that I often held when I either didn't feel well enough to make another cut, or didn't want to be compromised during holidays, work deadlines, or other functions. I hope the pace at which I tapered will serve me well.

 

Again, thanks to the WHOLE COMMUNITY here for your loving support, kindness, compassion, camaraderie, and patience over the years. I am still feeling confident that I have done this right and that I will be ok going forward. And even more so, I wish the very same for every single person who has ever come here seeking refuge and a path to that healthy, medication-free tomorrow. The rules of tapering documented on this site literally made this happen for me. Had I followed doctors orders, I would have gone from full-dose to nothing in less than a month and would have suffered even more intensely for it.

 

I will continue to check in with updates on how my no-drug state of being progresses.

 

Hang in there,

 

Dave

Edited November 13, 2021 by Karma
name update

[Carmie]

Hi Ten, 

 

Thanks so much for updating your signature. Again, I’m very happy you’re off the meds now. Look forward to reading your updates, and also your success story one of these days.💚

[ten0275]

Hello Everyone,

 

Just a quick check-in as I approach the 2 week mark drug-free (last night was night 12). Two weeks post-cut was approximately the point in time during my taper where symptoms presented themselves more intensely. I'm still feeling very good. Last night's sleep was a little more broken, mostly because I had some restless legs. But when I finally did fall asleep and stay asleep, I got approximately 6 hours of very restorative sleep, so I can easily live with that. Other than that, things have been rather uneventful, for which I am thankful!

 

Wishing you all the best, always.

 

Hang in there!

 

Dave

[Carmie]

Hi Ten, 

 

Yay for things being uneventful.🎉😁💚

[Prestorb]

Yay for you!!! This is great news and I am very happy for you!! Congratulations!!! 🎉😁