☼ Martina23: Lyrica

[Martina23]

So I went to the police to bring the arguments against pharma industry. They refused me and within the door they even didnt see my arguments and said everything I lived through is on the leaflet depression, anxiety. I said that is not true, I had violent thoughts against everyone for three years, if it is someone weaker he might maybe kill someone, they were not interested, for them it was ok. 

 

I started even to cry. I can not anymore. I want away from this place where justice doesnt say anyone anything.

I am so disappointed. I really can not, this is a nightmare.

 

Tomorrow I will go to the higher distance but I dont know. I worked on it the whole day.

[Martina23]

I  submitted a complaint against Pfizer today by the district attorney. I think it will be hard to prove it, but I feel so much better, almost orgastic at feeling that at least they will be taken accountable.

 

Did I tell you today that life is beautiful?

[Martina23]

My mother mentioned today that when.I made this complaint on Pfizer, I should be prepared that they will try to make a mentally ill person from me. I guess, she is right. The woman at the district attorney said that I will have to report details of my case at the local police, they will send me paper. I will try to read all the documents I have about the Pfizer once more if I dont find there something more. The best could be if they could check if the researchers who made clinical studies for Lyrica were financially or otherwise connected, but I dont know if they can do it. If I find some new information, I will also rework my book once more.

 

When I will have all of this, I will paint a little and if I am really too much bored, maybe I will find some work. But this only, if I am really very very much bored...

[Martina23]

My mother mentioned today that when.I made this complaint on Pfizer, I should be prepared that they will try to make a mentally ill person from me. I guess, she is right. The woman at the district attorney said that I will have to report details of my case at the local police, they will send me paper. I will try to read all the documents I have about the Pfizer once more if I dont find there something more. The best could be if they could check if the researchers who made clinical studies for Lyrica were financially or otherwise connected, but I dont know if they can do it. If I find some new information, I will also rework my book once more.

 

When I will have all of this, I will paint a little and if I am really too much bored, maybe I will find some work. But this only, if I am really very very much bored...

[Martina23]

I get now so much anxiety that when I will tell at the police which intrusive thoughts I had, that they will decide to medicate me forcingly or take me my children away. Can they do it? I think here are not good people.

[Plshelp]

I sent you a pm. Don't know if you read it. Were you ever on antipsychotics? 

 

Thanks 

[Martina23]

1 hour ago, Plshelp said:

I sent you a pm. Don't know if you read it. Were you ever on antipsychotics? 

 

Thanks 

Pls, I answered you on your thread.

[Martina23]

I would so much need to talk to someone. I am really so much afraid that if I talk to the police about the withdrawal-about my intrusive thoughts to harm anyone and anything in the withdrawal, that they can take me my children away (as a part of complaint I have to give my testimony by the police). I tried today to ask some people which should work for patients here but when I told I had violent thoughts in my withdrawal I was mostly looked at as a jerk (I hope it is the right English word for this). I think most Austrians are such Nazis. I am sure I am right that I was harmed by Lyrica and it should be like this that they should understand that I am a victim, but I think somewhere already because I am a foreigner they take me as something lower than them and if I start with it that Lyrica harmed me and because of it I had violent thoughts, I am afraid they would want to medicate me forcingly or take my children away. The doctor would surely say this was my illness, not withdrawal.

 

I am so confused but I can not imagine not to give this complaint as I am sure I suffered so much and why should Pfizer have this right to poison anyone and anything without any justice? I can not imagine it. I wish I were somewhere in America where there is justice and democracy and the people do not have to be afraid to raise their voice for something they consider right.

 

There are such beautiful trees outside -so yellow, it is so beautiful, could be great to paint it.

[Martina23]

I called now with one friend who said I should be easy, it is not so easy to take children away. I should say intrusive thoughts are already away and everything will fit. So I feel already better.

[Martina23]

I will now take a little break from forum as nothing is by me happening. I trained today for 1,25 hour aerobic and feel good. I will tell you after going to police or talking to trial medical experts if they took me children or if I ended on the psychiatry just because I  talked that I had violent thoughts in the withdrawal. Everything can happen. Moreover I am a foreigner here. Anyway, I am decided to give them my testimony and fight for the truth no matter what.

 

I am sending you a song on which I was training aerobic a while ago until we see us again. I love the song.

 

so long, Martina

 

 

[brassmonkey]

Best of luck with your legal journey.  I'm so happy that you're feeling good enough to follow through with it.  I hope it all works out for the best.

 

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

 

Brass

[Martina23]

Today I feel so sad and alone. My children went for two weeks to my mother and I feel at home so alone. Everything is so silent here. I hate the times when my children are at my mothers, I should enjoy the time but I dont. I feel actually loneliest ever. I thought today on the man I love. Last time, when my children were by my mother, we were talking together, it was so beautiful, the most beautiful ever for me and I was not feeling alone at all. I wish I could be with him again. Sigh. I still have in me this feeling that if I could I would like the most to run to him immediately but then I realize that he is not there for me anymore and I am sad ... 

 

We also have bugs. I am afraid of them so much, I sprayed the whole apartment two times but it did not help. The man from agency which fights bugs said he will come on monday and put them under the microscope to find out which bug that is. I have to endure it till then.

 

So I am sitting here, afraid of the bugs, and dont know what to do. I hate this silence.

[Martina23]

Yesterday in the night I was thinking and realized that if the man I love would love me, he would never be able not to write me for two months. He would run to me the same as I would run to him. I would be never able not to write him for two months if he needed me, I would do for him the first and the last thing I can.

 

So I realized that if someone  does not share this with me , then it is actually for me nothing to worry. As I was sure to give my best to him and was looking for someone to share this with me. So I was today able to realize that I am ok with it, if he doesnt love me and share this with me, than he can go and I am ok with it.  I am reconciled with it and look forward to see what the future prepared for me. There are so many beautiful things in life.

 

I decided to go for a few days to Brno in Czech Republic. I spent there my youth, I was doing my driving licence there. Maybe I will order a few drives for me, as I dont have any car now and there I know the roads very well. I remember when I did there driving licence, I didnt get it for the first time as I stopped the car so near the garbage can that the policeman couldnt leave the car ha, ha... It was fun. I love the city. It is my history there. I hope everyone is well. 

 

Your Martina

 

 

 

 

[MollyN]

Hi Martina, I wanted to drop by to say thank you so much for sharing such an honest and full account of your life since taking these drugs. I'm so inspired by the way you keep battling on, never giving up the fight for life despite feeling so overwhelmed at times.

 

I love the sound of the drive through Brno! It's so difficult when there is time alone sometimes, even when we crave it during the busy times with the children... then we get it, and are left with the weight of our own thoughts!  The bugs sound dreadful!!! I don't want to be dopey, but do you live in Uganda? Are they giant African bugs?!

 

I'm also so sorry about this man who hasn't turned out to be what you'd hoped. It's so true though, there is the old (not particularly good, but true nonetheless) saying: "How do you know a guy is into you? He calls. He calls. He calls". 

 

Lots of best wishes for your break away xxxmollyn

[Martina23]

Hi MollyN, thank you for your post. You know, to be honest, it wasnt all the guy's fault. I think, it might be also my fault - I dont know. You know as a child, I had always problems with my father. I had all my life feeling that he never loved me and I bring it with myself in relationships. I think, for relationship in order to function, you need to believe that the man loves you and everything is ok. And then it will also come so, some kind of self-fulfilling  prophecy. But if you are already afraid from the beginning based on your bad relationship with your father, then you are also more anxious and overexegerrating, and than it goes the other way. But I would be happy if it still could come together.

 

Ha, ha. I am not from Uganda. I put it there so that not everyone immediately knows that is me. Because now when I was considering suing Pfizer, I just didnt want, that they find my thread out and start gathering informations. So definitely I dont know which bugs are in Uganda. Not yet. I know only the European ones :-) These are little and stink very much if you kill them... Tomorrow comes the “bugs fighter“ to my apartment so I have to tidy up everything.

 

Today I got a letter from Ms Silver, that is a judge at Supreme Court in NY that he cannot send me trial forms, I have to follow precisely the procedure at the court. So I decided to let it. Because from Europe it is impossible to control anything if they dont give available emailaddresses only telephone numbers. So I will try it only here in Europe - even if I think here it is lost, the people have too less knowledge on these drugs.

 

But I am really happy that you wrote me.

[Martina23]

I found such a good thread about relationships, and it is so totally cool written there.

 

http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/guy-doesnt-text-back-reasons/

 

I liked it. It was precisely me. So I understood already what happened and it is so cool, because then I can not be angry.

 

I feel that we were both ok, we just didnt understand each other because he was a man and I was a woman. And there are differences. So now I can feel really easy, because no one is really to blame.

 

I decided to enjoy life, I will go today swimming and I like the guy the same as I liked him before. He is a good man.

 

I will finish my new painting -it is a naked woman with naked breasts and with one hand she is holding her hair, all in ochre colour, and I will try to enjoy my life the best I can. I feel that the life is beautiful. I just only have to find some cafeteria where I can hang my paintings for provision if they sell. My next painting will be also naked-the woman body from her back. I love naked paintings, they are very challenging. Precisely therefore I love them.

 

I will stop writing here so much and be again more active in life. I will write if something is new.

 

Your

 

Martina

 

 

[Martina23]

Today come the bug fighters! Brrrrr, I hate that. They already found out that it was the bug which goes to the rice and wheat and today they will spray them... I have to pack all the children playthings and after spraying I have to be 4 hours out of the house :-)

 

Viva Bugfighters!

[AliG]

Martina. I haven't been here for a little while but I just wanted to say -  You go girl ! Cheering you on.

[MollyN]

Go Martina!!! corrospondence with Supreme Court Judge - fabulous paintings - relationship closure!! You rock!!

 

ps. sorry about the weevils, they're such a pain and so persistent!

[Martina23]

These are not weevils, these are flour beetles, ha, ha. So brown, and stinks so much when you kill it ...

[MollyN]

lol poor you with the stinky bugs !! Your house will be wildlife free in no time!

[AliG]

I was talking to Shortcake today as her doctor has just put her on Lyrica. Maybe, you could point her in the right direction. Possibly talk to her about your experience. 

[AliG]

Thanks Martina. You're a love.

[Martina23]

50 minutes ago, AliG said:

Thanks Martina. You're a love.

For you everything, Ali :-)

[Martina23]

Today I was preparing material for Monday when I have a Meeting with Austrian medical experts to confirm me that my damage is from Lyrica. I just think they will be like all people from "organized psychatry", so for 99% it is useless what I am doing but I think it is right to go between People and try to open their eyes about these medicines. I think one day there will be so many People fighting that we must win it and These drugs will be set out of law. I know we are still far from it but I am really proud for all people here who try to fight for the same justified aim, I think it is amazing. When I think on These 5 People who died here on antidepressants, I get so angry and this anger makes me continue to quarell with these doctors even if I know they wouldnt want to understand and maybe I am giving myself into the danger. But I still think we are doing the right thing, and the more people will do it in the future, the more soon we will change the society. Maybe therefore we had to suffer this horrible suffering in order to know, there is some problem and to be able to help to the people who either died on these drugs or were severely impaired by them.

[MollyN]

I'm so inspired by you  Martina and your fight for justice.

 

I spent last night watching the youtube series 'Simple Truths about Pscyhiatry' by Peter Breggin. I think they should be compulsory viewing for anyone on these drugs. Albeit very sobering if you are taking them/trying to withdraw from them/in withdrawal.

 

This morning I started reading about the legal cases he's involved in, I guess you're well up to play with them.

 

{May I express my anger here on your thread? I can delete if it's not appropriate}  I feel a deep sense of rage for all those I see on these boards so terrible harmed by so-called experts. I used to think if someone was a specialist in psychiatry, wow, they must be so intelligent and wise regarding the human condition. Now, unless I discovered they were prescribing-averse, they are far less honourable to me than any shonky secondhand car dealer. The worse that happens if you buy a lemon pitched as a 'great deal' is you lose some cash. In the case of psychiatrists... well, there is no comparison to the injury they cause daily. If they argue that they were ignorant of the harm, I say they had no right being in business.

 

(apologies to any fly-by-night second-hand dealers rightly offended by their comparison to psychiatrists).

 

 

 

 

[Suttisan]

I took Lyrica for a short time, I had thoughts of self harm too. I do wonder if Vitamin b12 is involved here, antidpressants and Lyrica deplete B12, low b12 can cause depression, just a theory, I've noticed that B12 supplementation is helping my situation a little bit.

 

All thebest

 

Dave

[Martina23]

If I read the Zombie's case, I get so afraid to tell these medical experts at the court my story, I am afraid that they will also catch me and medicate for nothing, just for the openness about that whole tragedy. But I already started, I can not go back. I even dont want to -I am not afraid of these scumbags. If they hit me, I will hit them ten times more (or at least I will try :-)) I also want to move somewhere where this force medicating is not possible.

 

My mother didnt want that I visit them through weekend so I will make a small trip for me, to Brno, maybe to Krakow. I have never been to Poland. Can be interesting though. I will also buy some nice clothes for me on the way. Go to the cafe. I havent bought anything for myself for such a long time. I will now enjoy the time when I am alone without the children, so that when they come I am not anymore tired and can enjoy my time with them.

[Martina23]

I get so much spam these days. I dont know why. And always such stupid things in there. Maybe the spam folder doesnt function and everything stays in my inbox.

 

Tommorrow I have the meeting with these medical experts,who should confirm that I was harmed by Lyrica. I am so afraid to go there, I can not imagine to explain them these intrusive thoughts  I had but I have to explain. I am afraid that they wouldnt understand and say you are ill, you have to be medicated and take me and force me to take these sh*ts. But I can not other, in other case I would be ashamed of myself which is also not great to live like that.

 

I was in Brno, it was great, I was in the Brno castle and there is a beautiful park besides it. I was sitting there every day. These yellow and green leaves were so soothing for me. I was feeling again happy.  I wish I could stay there and live there. But it is not so easy. Maybe some day.

[Martina23]

For everyone who loves beautiful songs

 

 

[Martina23]

I think I will not win it by the doctors as there is a sentence on the paper from hospital where I got Lyrica: In the course of the psychiatrical council, also wished by the patient, was an adequate medicament  therapy started.

 

I think they wouldnt believe me that I was deceived and that they did not inform me on any side effects, I think they would believe that I was eager to have medicament therapy, even if it is not true.

[MollyN]

You are being incredibly brave Martina!! You're acutely aware that by speaking up, they just label you with some new diagnosis, I'm genuinely so very proud of you for trying, it's incredibly hard to speak the truth about a time when you were so vulnerable. When the end finally comes to this drugging phenomena, you'll be able to look your children right in the eye and say you spoke up to protect others and call for reform. 

 

I'm so glad there were happy times in Brno - that's so hopeful. 

 

From the post on my thread, sorry to hear about the gynae exam, sometimes, being a woman, it feels like the fun of being poked like a pincushion will never end  xxxmollyn

[Martina23]

I decided that if this statement will not be ok, I will ask and pay for the new one till the justice can be obtained. In this case I will not give up. The legal state should be here to protect their own people, not deceiving corporations and cheating individuals.

 

I know that now I am so stubborn but when I am right, it is necessary.

 

I am curious, what will come out of it...

[Martina23]

1 hour ago, MollyN said:

You are being incredibly brave Martina!! You're acutely aware that by speaking up, they just label you with some new diagnosis, I'm genuinely so very proud of you for trying, it's incredibly hard to speak the truth about a time when you were so vulnerable. When the end finally comes to this drugging phenomena, you'll be able to look your children right in the eye and say you spoke up to protect others and call for reform. 

 

I'm so glad there were happy times in Brno - that's so hopeful. 

 

From the post on my thread, sorry to hear about the gynae exam, sometimes, being a woman, it feels like the fun of being poked like a pincushion will never end  xxxmollyn

Molly, you are a sweetheart. I love your comments. You have a sense of humour which I like.

 

I hope you have a nice evening.

[Peonies]

Hello Martina, 

 

I saw your posts from MollyN's thread, it really interested me. If you do not mind of course, what is it you are working on? I am very interested in your posts!

 

Also, I am very sorry about your OBGYN visit, I am a pre-medical student actually studying on Gynecology, and I find it unacceptable that some doctors are so ignorant of their patient's pain, furthermore not being sympathetic. I hope your body begins to feel better soon after that rough visit. I swear some doctors forget that comfort is also imperative to a visit. 

Edited October 16, 2017 by Peonies
Spelling & Grammar

[Martina23]

10 hours ago, Peonies said:

Hello Martina, 

 

I saw your posts from MollyN's thread, it really interested me. If you do not mind of course, what is it you are working on? I am very interested in your posts!

 

Also, I am very sorry about your OBGYN visit, I am a pre-medical student actually studying on Gynecology, and I find it unacceptable that some doctors are so ignorant of their patient's pain, furthermore not being sympathetic. I hope your body begins to feel better soon after that rough visit. I swear some doctors forget that comfort is also imperative to a visit. 

I am working on to put the doctors and pharma producer for Lyrica before the trial. But till now I am not very sucessful. But let us see. I will try till it goes. But Austria is a very conservative country, it will be much more difficult that in United States, if it bears fruits. I think it wouldnt, I think I am just stubborn but I try if there is not a weak place.

 

Good to know you Peonies.