☼ Martina23: Lyrica

[Prestorb]

I agree with PB Martina. We are all angry with Big Pharma about this and with good reason. But the most important thing for each of us is to take care of ourselves so that we can heal and survive this indignity. There may very well be a point in the future after you are completely healed and much stronger that you could take this on. But I think you would only be hurting yourself more to try to do it right now. Is there some type of activity or exercise that might allow you to let out your frustrations about this in a healthy way? I am thinking of things like running or kickboxing, something that allows you to let off steam physically? It might also help to just force yourself to put your focus elsewhere because the more you think about it, the angrier you will become. It might also help to know that there are good people (and doctors) out there fighting Big Pharma right now that are in much better positions to do it. Eventually, I believe that all of this will come to light and they will be exposed and people will learn the truth (like with cigarettes). But those of us that are still healing are not emotionally or physically healthy enough to tolerate the stress that comes with taking something like this on - unless by a miracle of God, he can make the impossible possible and I am a great believer of that. But I also trust that judgement will eventually come to Big Pharma for all the harm that they have done, and that I don't have to fight that fight. It sounds like you are in a wave of high anxiety (which makes us feel like we need to DO something), so maybe things that you have done in the past to help bring anxiety levels down would help now? (((HUGS)))

[Prestorb]

I don't know if you are a believer in Christ, but as a believer myself, it is often helpful to me to consider the indignities that Christ suffered (even as the son of God). And then when I compare my own indignities to His, they become much easier to bear. My faith has been my greatest source of hope and strength throughout this process. 

[powerback]

12 hours ago, Martina23 said:

Thank you for your post PB. You are so true. Today I wrote 19 lawyers, noone would touch it. I made the whole investigation, they wouldnt even read it. The answer is made in 5 minutes, the easiest way for these is always no. I could sue also myself, but I dont have so much money myself and for poor person status (that they will give you a lawyer) you have to find one NY lawyer who is ready to confirm that your case has a merit. I know it has a merit but they just want cases where it is on the first view sure that you would win. I think I would win, but for doing myself I have too less money and the lawyer I dont seem to find.

 

I am so angry at the world today. As a poor person you dont get any justice, you are here only to do a slave for the international companies and “to be original enough“ to buy their products. If you try something yourself, they just dont let you through state regulations and not enough money etc. I am frustrated from such society. 

 

If I want to publish the book, you surely dont find a publisher even if it is a good book. When the Hillary Clinton writes a book how the Donald Trump was breathing on her neck during the election debatte, the publisher is immediately found. Even if it doesnt interest anyone, or at least me not.

 

Sorry for the rant. I am very frustrated these days. I dont know where I have place on this earth these days

Rant away I love it myself .,have you watched any Eckhart tolle videos ,hes Very tuned into society and it's ills ,the human race is very sick and the ego has totally taking over .try find nicer stories about the world as well ,this withdrawal is such a demon ,if I'm happy my mind goes what are you happy about so we have to retrain ourselves to let the good into our hearts .

I think we are on a serious curve of change ,sure look at these things like gofund me ,the sad thing is though I see YouTube and Facebook are  censouring that's not good .plenty of interesting and informative things on YouTube but we can be distracted by the rubbish also

The TV needs to be turned off ,theres nothing but rubbish on it . I need to tell myself this often.

[Martina23]

12 minutes ago, Prestorb said:

I don't know if you are a believer in Christ, but as a believer myself, it is often helpful to me to consider the indignities that Christ suffered (even as the son of God). And then when I compare my own indignities to His, they become much easier to bear. My faith has been my greatest source of hope and strength throughout this process. 

I believe in Jesus Christ, but I can not imagine comparing my suffering to his, I feel most like he is holly and I am a ordinary human fighting in the life, who give the punches, but most often gets them from the others Too often. Sigh..

[Martina23]

I think I go today in the evening to the hospital. This itching everywhere is totally unbearable. I must have got these parasits from my children. The doctor gave me pyrvinium, but it didnt help at all. It itches still. I was today eating the whole day garlic, but it also didnt help. I hate this. This is even worst than the PGAD. I know I am stupid I get immediately anxiety that there would be no medicament for this and they will get only more until they eat me alive. I know that the idea is stupid, but I get such stupid ideas. I would be so happy if they were already away. If I imagine that I have some parasits, it doesnt calm me either. There is some medicament Vermox, but I have to ask if they do sell it here in the pharmacy. I know it is disgusting post, but it is actually what happened to me now :-)

[Prestorb]

I'm sorry Martina, I have experienced terrible itchy at times recently too and it is terrible. At the time, I thought it might be related to eating high histamine foods and my body reacting to them, so I tried to eliminate as many of those as possible (just temporarily for me). I know others on here have experienced this as well. I also used some hydrocortisone cream and a tea tree oil and water spray. This seemed to help a lot and I still use the tea tree oil and water spray pretty regularly. But mine was mainly on my torso area, not my whole body. I hope something gives you relief soon, the itching can be maddening.

[Martina23]

I am in the same hospital as I was when I laid here on the psychiatry. I even saw the windows where I laid before. When I see them, I feel sick. Also this familiar smell after desinfection medicine. I hope that the doctor will be knowledgeable how to help me.

[Martina23]

Yesterday I was on emergency in the hospital in the evening as I was sure my children caught some parasits and I got it from them..The itching was already unbearable. The doctor there did nothing, said in the night they can not find out what it is, so he gave me only paper for monday to go to the infection department that they find out what that is and prescribe me some medicament. Yesterday it itched so much in the night that today I had double portion of anti parasit medicaments and now I am waiting what it will make. So far I have nothing, only goose bumps and a bit worse intrusive thoughts, over that it feels harmless.

 

Yesterday I had to go to a meeting with respect to job offer, but to be honest I still have some savings so my will to start working is minimal.

 

I am actually working, but other. The painting or book writing is also working, it just doesnt bear fruits by now. But one day it will.

 

Yesterday I also wrote Salvatore Badala -a NY lawyer which sued pharma on behalf of three counties in 2017 with respect to opiates crisis. So far no answer. Lets see.

[Martina23]

I realihed today that I almost dont have any intrusive thoughts anymore, actually the withdrawal doesnt worry me anymore...

 

Now we are waiting to go on electric boat on the river Danube here, I love it

[Martina23]

I know I am crazy but I am still contemplating if I should sue Pfizer or not. I have only two month until end of the deadline in NY. I dont know what I should do. When I sue, I think there is a high risk I will lose it (and I dont have that money), bu on the other hand I can not imagine to just let it be. I can not imagine that these pigs will continue poisoning people like that. I still dont know what to do, I should decide, but it is so hard.

[powerback]

20 minutes ago, Martina23 said:

I know I am crazy but I am still contemplating if I should sue Pfizer or not. I have only two month until end of the deadline in NY. I dont know what I should do. When I sue, I think there is a high risk I will lose it (and I dont have that money), bu on the other hand I can not imagine to just let it be. I can not imagine that these pigs will continue poisoning people like that. I still dont know what to do, I should decide, but it is so hard.

You said it yourself Martina you don't have the money and it would take years ,I get your pain but it will sadly be many years before anything changes with these people .

we all need to get behind the vocal critics ,peter breggin is years dealing with these pigs and recently he talked about the district attorney giving him hassle over a case ,the first amendment in America is really being tested .I cant tell you what to do but it would be an insurmountable task .the world revolves around jobs and tax and they aren't going to give that up .truly tragic .but we can save others from telling  our stories .

PB

[Martina23]

Yes, you are right PB. It is for me only hard to give it up. Because if I give it up, I can not anymore believe in justice or democracy on the world, and if I dont believe in it then why I am living in this part of the world.  I think I am therefore fighting so hard against giving up because in other case my whole previous belief in society is shattered, and this is not pleasant.

Anyway, thanks for your opinion. I think, now I really need the opinions so that I dont do something which will destroy my whole life.

 

It is terrible, I would still so much like to do it.

[powerback]

8 hours ago, Martina23 said:

Yes, you are right PB. It is for me only hard to give it up. Because if I give it up, I can not anymore believe in justice or democracy on the world, and if I dont believe in it then why I am living in this part of the world.  I think I am therefore fighting so hard against giving up because in other case my whole previous belief in society is shattered, and this is not pleasant.

Anyway, thanks for your opinion. I think, now I really need the opinions so that I dont do something which will destroy my whole life.

 

It is terrible, I would still so much like to do it.

I think its wise to get a wide range of opinion before going down a certain path ,this is the problem of what we are left to deal with ,we have so much pain of injustice and the more that comes out about this industry it gets very hard to cope with .I personally think the best scenario is to channel that negative energy into bringing awareness of the situation to people that will listen .

The more I watch politics and history in general it leaves me with a serious negative pessimistic view of human nature and the world but we have to keep finding the nicer parts to human nature .

but going through something like we all are does scar us and the irony is we will need therapy to deal with withdrawl trauma[I will anyway] ,this is utter madness .

at the end of the day the decision is up to you to peruse this action ,and take it from me good on ye if you did ,but think it out fully before hand .

I believe my energy is better used giving people different ways to cope than meds ,because if withdrawl knocks on there door then all bets are off .

peace to you .

PB

[Martina23]

I decided that I will ask for this summons and complaint form and then I will still think about if I submit it or not.

 

Today I was painting-me but the problem was first I had to make a photo of me with one hand and this hand is missing on the painting, so it is a painting of person with one hand, but I know the artists which have even worse paintings,  one of them paints the breasts on the back and everybody is happy so I can paint persons with one hand.

 

Today I realized that I still havent got child support from father of my children, even if normally I get it on 2nd of the month. I got a bit nervous, because if he stops paying, I have to go very quickly to the work. It is suspicious, but till now he was paying really in time. I am afraid that “my luck“ can not hold forever. But maybe it is only a bit late and nothing happened, I really hope so. Maybe it can be that everything is late there because of the flood. He lives in Houston. I dont know. I would even ask him if everything is with him ok, but he was never interested in children so maybe he wouldnt even like if I ask. So I didnt ask. I think the people in the cities are not so much endangered by the flood -more rural areas.

[Lyricacrazy]

Martina, I'll say it again. Someone who wants to help you and who suffers from the same problems with OCD. You can not avoid thoughts. You avoiding it, it will only make your picture worse. Try to accept them, however bad they may be. Thoughts are thoughts only. Everyone has intrusive thoughts, the difference is the importance we give to each of them.

[Martina23]

I am today so sad. I feel so worthless and inefficient. I am looking at my painting and it looks so amateur like. I think I am in nothing good. I think the painting has too short legs comparing to body and head. Today I have a feeling I can not find anywhere place, everything I do turns to sh*t.

 

Sorry for the rant :-) 

[powerback]

1 hour ago, Martina23 said:

I am today so sad. I feel so worthless and inefficient. I am looking at my painting and it looks so amateur like. I think I am in nothing good. I think the painting has too short legs comparing to body and head. Today I have a feeling I can not find anywhere place, everything I do turns to sh*t.

 

Sorry for the rant :-) 

Oh I know the feeling martina. Im having a paticularly despondent day myself after 2 ok days and im not good at all ,I dont think mindfulness works at these dizzy heights .its madness but we have to keep the fight alive ,good on.ye for even painting.

PB

[Martina23]

I am sorry that you also have a bad day PB. I think by me these are the circumstances. You know, before when I was still in my homeland ( a little poor country but my homeland) I always believed that the people can achieve everything when they really want. It was valid there. And now I am in Austria, and here, it is absolutely not valid. I can try how I want, it is always sh*t. But yes, if it continues, I can also move.

 

And why are you sad? Are you in the middle of withdrawal wave? Go for a walk, just to watch the people, go for such longer distance, you will get more oxygen in your lungs, you will feel better.

 

I would do it myself, but I have children at home and can not let them alone. I will probably go relaxing on the balcony.

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 9/4/2017 at 10:18 AM, Martina23 said:

I decided that I will ask for this summons and complaint form and then I will still think about if I submit it or not.

 

Today I was painting-me but the problem was first I had to make a photo of me with one hand and this hand is missing on the painting, so it is a painting of person with one hand, but I know the artists which have even worse paintings,  one of them paints the breasts on the back and everybody is happy so I can paint persons with one hand.

 

Today I realized that I still havent got child support from father of my children, even if normally I get it on 2nd of the month. I got a bit nervous, because if he stops paying, I have to go very quickly to the work. It is suspicious, but till now he was paying really in time. I am afraid that “my luck“ can not hold forever. But maybe it is only a bit late and nothing happened, I really hope so. Maybe it can be that everything is late there because of the flood. He lives in Houston. I dont know. I would even ask him if everything is with him ok, but he was never interested in children so maybe he wouldnt even like if I ask. So I didnt ask. I think the people in the cities are not so much endangered by the flood -more rural areas.

All of Houston was severely affected by the floods.  My parents live in Austin and there is a gas shortage due to the storms in Houston.  Try not to worry, I'm sure the wire transfer/check is just delayed.

[powerback]

2 minutes ago, Martina23 said:

I am sorry that you also have a bad day PB. I think by me these are the circumstances. You know, before when I was still in my homeland ( a little poor country but my homeland) I always believed that the people can achieve everything when they really want. It was valid there. And now I am in Austria, and here, it is absolutely not valid. I can try how I want, it is always sh*t. But yes, if it continues, I can also move.

 

And why are you sad? Are you in the middle of withdrawal wave? Go for a walk, just to watch the people, go for such longer distance, you will get more oxygen in your lungs, you will feel better.

 

I would do it myself, but I have children at home and can not let them alone. I will probably go relaxing on the balcony.

I'm the opposite in my withdrawl ,the town I live in is just full of triggers and the more times goes by I think I mite not be able to live here ,its a mess .a mix of PTSD and withdrawl .the drugs just made me numb and I didn't care ,now 5 years have passed and I feel like I'm starting again like a child .a huge mess but my mess .

I love my walking ,did it a lot before withdrawl also .

Take care .

PB

 

[Martina23]

I have today such a depression. It is so stupid. Absolute black hole depression. But I thought today that it can have something with the colours. Because today I got even akathisia which I didnt have for a long time now, and I get it only if I come in contact with some chemical product which doesnt suit me. I think the problem are the colours, this formaldehyd inside. Other things are ok by me. I hate black hole depression. I also dont want to rant so much. It doesnt help the things. And today I feel also a bit lonely. Hopefully it will get better.

[Martina23]

Today I made such a picture that even I am laughing about it. Maybe I have really wrong colours.I think the depression had nothing to do with the colours, I got it from menstruation. I dont have so much luck these days. I think I will not paint once more this picture. I spent on him 8 hours today and I am tired. Even Midigliani had bad pictures. It is ok.

[Martina23]

I am so ashamed. There was such a big bug in our kitchen with these long feet, like a big mosquito and he was afraid of me. And I was afraid of him too. So I tried to find him. At first he hid himself and I couldnt find it and then I found him by the balcony and hit him so long till he was killed. And now I am ashamed because maybe he wanted only out, I could only open balcony and it was not necessary to kill him, but I saw these 8 long legs, I got so frightened of him, that I hit of him what I could. Poor bug. I am sorry. It would not help him anymore, but I could do it other.

 

Today I was by the doctor who made tests if I have any parasits or so and he said, I have none. But I feel it. So he said I should take one anti medicament and if my bad feeling doesnt go away, I should come back and we will repeat the testings. So I took today again Pyrantel and worry if this feeling doesnt go away, what I will do. After the birth of my children there is still something, once PGAD, once withdrawal, once parasits. I am already tired of this all. Thats a pity that I have such a stupid mother. Now I would need such a good, soothing, caring mother who would put me hand on the forehead and would say everything will be ok. I am already so tired.

[powerback]

41 minutes ago, Martina23 said:

I am so ashamed. There was such a big bug in our kitchen with these long feet, like a big mosquito and he was afraid of me. And I was afraid of him too. So I tried to find him. At first he hid himself and I couldnt find it and then I found him by the balcony and hit him so long till he was killed. And now I am ashamed because maybe he wanted only out, I could only open balcony and it was not necessary to kill him, but I saw these 8 long legs, I got so frightened of him, that I hit of him what I could. Poor bug. I am sorry. It would not help him anymore, but I could do it other.

 

Today I was by the doctor who made tests if I have any parasits or so and he said, I have none. But I feel it. So he said I should take one anti medicament and if my bad feeling doesnt go away, I should come back and we will repeat the testings. So I took today again Pyrantel and worry if this feeling doesnt go away, what I will do. After the birth of my children there is still something, once PGAD, once withdrawal, once parasits. I am already tired of this all. Thats a pity that I have such a stupid mother. Now I would need such a good, soothing, caring mother who would put me hand on the forehead and would say everything will be ok. I am already so tired.

Put your hand on your forehead and look in the mirror and tell yourself you are so strong to be dealing with what you are dealing with and you will be ok ,we will be and we have to be .the world needs us around and our loved ones .When the day comes that someone close to us cant cope with the world and its ills ,we can tell them you will be fine just trust someone that's been there and they will say thank you.

PB

[Martina23]

Today I quarelled with the neighbours. They keep pouring water on my balcony, I think by watering flowers. And therefore I can not paint on the balcony and am forced to let the pictures dry in the apartment, what is harmful for my health, because there is a lot of formaldehyd inside. I mean, I told them already so many times. But these are some Polnish people who have no understanding for other peoples property, or that they should take care, I hate these kind of people who take care only of themselves and other people are not important.

[powerback]

2 hours ago, Martina23 said:

Today I quarelled with the neighbours. They keep pouring water on my balcony, I think by watering flowers. And therefore I can not paint on the balcony and am forced to let the pictures dry in the apartment, what is harmful for my health, because there is a lot of formaldehyd inside. I mean, I told them already so many times. But these are some Polnish people who have no understanding for other peoples property, or that they should take care, I hate these kind of people who take care only of themselves and other people are not important.

The ego mite make us want to confront people but please be careful with yourself and your emotions,im avoiding my neighbor at the moment over a fence ,im in the building trade and he keeps questioning me and belitiling me but because of withdrawal my character is meek and weak but my agression is high so I dont want to cause trouble ,because if I didnt have withdrawl I would be very different and capable to deal with it .plus you dont wont to be antaganised either in the future ,sometimes keeping quiet pays off in the longrun,its tricky though ,take care .

[Martina23]

Oh yeah, you are right. But I am paying high rent and therefore (it sounds cruel, I know) I would expect that I can also fully use the property I rent.

But I know what you mean.. That is a pity that I dont have a little village house somewhere just for me, where I could paint how much I wanted, without stupid neighbours.

 

I am thinking what I will do today for the dinner... But maybe we will go to the restaurant. It is Saturday.

[powerback]

50 minutes ago, Martina23 said:

Oh yeah, you are right. But I am paying high rent and therefore (it sounds cruel, I know) I would expect that I can also fully use the property I rent.

But I know what you mean.. That is a pity that I dont have a little village house somewhere just for me, where I could paint how much I wanted, without stupid neighbours.

 

I am thinking what I will do today for the dinner... But maybe we will go to the restaurant. It is Saturday.

Im 2 weeks avoiding him and it works ile be able to converse next week and not have an agressive demenour,is it posdible to hang a tarp on the uderside of the balcony to catch the water ,it may seem like your backing down but they dont have to deal with the torchure we do .

This is why what we go through is the worst  because it leaves us uable to communicate with the world on a reasonoble level 

[cathyfrench]

Hi Martina,

I have been suffering from PGAD since I withdrew from Sertraline (I was on it for only 2 weeks and I had an adverse reaction so I brought the dose down and then PGAD started alongside Tinnitus) I saw you had PGAD after having a baby. Did it go away eventually ? My doctor wants me to take Lyrica for PGAD. I am terrified, I really don't want to take it but my PGAD is geting worse.  Did it work on your PGAD symptoms ? I hear it is an awful drug.  Is it true ? My parents and husband are putting pressure on me to take it and I have to look after my son so I don't know what to do anymore. 

 

Take good care and I hope you don't mind me asking you all this question.

 

Thanks 

 

Cathy

[Martina23]

PB

 

I thought also that I could put there such an sun umbrella, the sun umbrella will save the paintings and put the water away, it is actually great idea

 

And you seem to have also such neighbours, I dont know if the people have too less life that they have always to belittle other people, just ignore him, he has the problem, not you

[Martina23]

2 minutes ago, cathyfrench said:

Hi Martina,

I have been suffering from PGAD since I withdrew from Sertraline (I was on it for only 2 weeks and I had an adverse reaction so I brought the dose down and then PGAD started alongside Tinnitus) I saw you had PGAD after having a baby. Did it go away eventually ? My doctor wants me to take Lyrica for PGAD. I am terrified, I really don't want to take it but my PGAD is geting worse.  Did it work on your PGAD symptoms ? I hear it is an awful drug.  Is it true ? My parents and husband are putting pressure on me to take it and I have to look after my son so I don't know what to do anymore. 

 

Take good care and I hope you don't mind me asking you all this question.

 

Thanks 

 

Cathy

Cathy, yes, PGAD disappeared after 1,5 years. Please dont take Lyrica, it brought me much bigger problems when I withdrew from it, three years later the problems still not disappeared. I know PGAD is awful, I wouldnt believe it at that time if someone said to me I should just hold on and not take anything, it will disappear, but that is true, please , after my experience I would just hold on and never ever take Lyrica. PGAD normally goes away, it just takes time. I also read these scary stories in internet about 1000 orgasms a day, but at the end had none and after 1,5 year the problem just disappeared one day.

[Martina23]

I dont know why but today I feel so sad. I think I know why. I  feel so stuck and unefficient in things. It comes me as if everybody were so super and I am trying and nothing comes of it. I think it contributes that I dont have so much money to sue big pharma and I can not just say to myself it is ok, it is not ok, if someone poisons people, he should be punished. And also other things which I do, I feel so much like an air, someone invisible, who doesnt have any needs and can be ignored by the society. Maybe it is only here. I would so much like to move but alone to move with two children is tough and I have noone to help me. It is quite sad. I think I will stop selfpitying myself because it doesnt help. I would have to correct the last chapter of my book, but I feel more for painting today. I dont have anymore where to put it, but it makes me happy. So I will today buy beautiful bright colours and try such painting which I saw in Chinese gallery. It was beautiful.

[Martina23]

For some mod: Can we edit also posts in the past or does it have to be only the last post?

[powerback]

57 minutes ago, Martina23 said:

For some mod: Can we edit also posts in the past or does it have to be only the last post?

HI martina ,ive just put up a desperate post myself ,don't judge yourself for your pain ,in many years to come ,this kind of  site that alto has set up will get its recognition and all our suffering will be validated [no use now I know] .

you'd need millions to bring a serious case ide say so try put your focus else were ,and the best way is to keep your children away from these drugs in the future ,how could we allow loved ones near them after our experience and knowledge .

My personality is significantly different for the worse the last month and I'm scared ,I have to work so hard to keep the  horrible side of my personality at bay as for the smallest things are making me rage and im very conscious/paranoid people are aware of this .I had another chat the weekend with my partner about our future .it was very painful to admit to her I mite never be able to give her a future she deserves [very painful ],and we are threading water for a long time [I blame myself mostly ].

I'm going to keep going through hell no matter no what I promised myself this 2 months ago , these drugs have been a disaster and more and more memories have come to light about my time on them that I will seek out more therapy to deal with the pain of the lost years .

keep putting your pain into your painting and keep strong we cant let this define us .

 

I'm no mod but I'm pretty sure you cant edit old posts ,if your regretting an old post try not to worry or  ruminate over it ,we are dealing with extraordinary suffering so please don't worry .

 

I've got my own little regret about telling my sister about this site and she says she was reading the site and I got very self-conscious that family mite be reading my thread but i realise this worry has more to do from not wanting her to be upset or worry for me but she is a grown women that cares for me and she can well look after herself anyway .when the regret comes I just say to myself "here no I'm dealing awful things" ,so how could I keep it to myself ".and I believe being open to others is the way forward to healing pain in peoples lives ,we can only hope they never go to MDs and get drugs

 

Actually a little side not about drugs and my sister ,she was on drugs for  PCOS for years and they wrecked her head ,so a few years ago she said sod the doctors and done it the proper way [diet/lifestyle ]another example of getting away from them ,she has normal levels doing it this way in spite of doctors .I'm proud of her .

 

Take care and  sorry about the long post .

PB

[Martina23]

PB, but you are still you, and maybe you can not give your girlfriend the future financially anymore how she wanted, but as a personality I am sure you grew in this ordeal and maybe emotionally after some time when the intensity fades you can give her more then previously. And if she will not understand it, then she didnt see in you a personality which you deserve.

[Martina23]

Please, please some mod, how can I edit my previous posts, does it go?