☼ Martina23: Lyrica

[Martina23]

To be honest, I am also not sure if to proceed, but I thought if we do nothing next time other people will be prescribed these poisons and why all the people should suffer if this is against human rights to put people something toxical for their health. I am also afraid but on the other hand I think something should be done.

[AliG]

Hey Martina . How are you feeling ?  Don't forget to take care of you amidst the anger. It's great to be proactive and it's a great cause but don't neglect your own self - care. Please keep doing what you need to in terms of your own health, and don't neglect that . Find the light & the joy for yourself in the meantime . Paint and lose yourself in that as well as walking in the sun and spending quality time with your children . Don't lose sight of the " big picture"

Ali 

[Martina23]

So I went today to the dentist who said I have to have anestetic for cleaning of root canals of one tooth. As there was no other way, I took carbocaine. After taking it, my anxiety went pretty up. The violent intrusive thoughts went also quite a lot up. I was already so good, I felt healthy, now I feel as if I were in acute again.

[Martina23]

I think this carbocaine has set me fatally back. Before I was already ok. Today after taking it, I cant find any connection to the people anymore. Only harm thoughts everywhere. I dont want to do anything anymore. I cannot imagine to live like this. I am not me anymore. I have suicidal thoughts again. Or to go to psychiatry. I think I will not manage it. It is serious with me.

[scallywag]

Ah, Martina ((((((hugs))))))

Do your absolute best to remember that those thoughts are withdrawal symptoms and effects of the dentist's carbocaine.

 

If you don't feel safe, is there any one you can stay with or who can stay with you?

 

Please let us know how you're doing in the morning.
 

[Martina23]

Thank you scallywag. There is not so much change. I feel drugged, my head still feels frozen and I can not see the people on the street like before. As if I were detached from the society. This unability to make connection makes me feel on death and crying. I could not do it without anestetic but it gave the last knock out to my whole CNS. I dont know, if I endure it long when it stays like this.

[servadei]

Martina, just relax. Everything passes, so will this.

[scallywag]

Martina, you're feeling disconnected from people and frustrated about feeling disconnected. This is a withdrawal symptom and it will pass to nothingness.

 

One good thing is that you've previously felt connected to people enough to miss it.  That feeling will return with time.  You will have a window when that connection is present.

[Martina23]

So it is still not better. The suicidal thoughts and crying I would endure, but I can not endure this feeling to be disconnected from the people. I feel there is artificial chemistry in my head and till it disappears I can not just live like that. The dentist told me that she is not finished with my tooth, but I said this time she or someone else will do it without anestetics. The second anestetics I will not survive anymore. The question is if I survive this one.

[LoveandLight]

Hugs Martina xx

[Martina23]

I decided I will be like Amish, no psychiatric drug or anestetic comes to my body whatsoever:-)

 

I start to see people real again but all my emotions are totally kicked out.

[Bruin]

Oh Martina...sorry that it has hit you so hard. I also did a lot of Dental work and had shots of Novocaine which set me back. 

The good news is that I did get back to where I was after a couple of weeks. It was nasty though and I feel for you. 

 

Hugs 

 

Bruin

[Martina23]

Thank you Bruin. Thank you to everyone who wrote me and I did not write back. I still feel kind of confused in my head and there is still a lot of chemistry which should not be there so it is for me hard to make connections and write. However, some things are already better. I dont feel suicidal anymore, I did not cry today anymore, I see people as people, I just have still elevated anxiety, too many harm thoughts and I am still missing my positive emotions.

 

I dont know how should I solve it with further dentist visits if I can not endure anestetic. I still have some dentist visits before me. Please if anyone knows some alternative how to have teeth done without anestetic, I would be thankful.

 

This whole experience is for me scary.

 

Today I am going to pick up my children from my mother (she took them for a week) and I am afraid again to be with them. This I had one year ago, but it was long gone. It is really scary that one anestetic can bring you so many problems.

[scallywag]

Martina, You must be greatly relieved that those disturbing withdrawal symptoms have gone away. 

 

My dad has had dental root canal work done without the local anesthetic, the *-caine drugs.  I'll ask him.  I think a friend recently told me about declining pain-killers after outpatient or dental surgery.  I'll ask her whether she had a local anesthetic or not.

[Martina23]

Thank you Scallywag. I would be very thankful to you.

[ang]

Hello Martina, I am so glad you are feeling a bit better. I havent written to friends on this site for a while. Just catching up now, reading threads from friends.

 

You are wonderful, recognising the feelings would pass. I have no advice on the dental work. From what I have read now on root canals (I have one), I wish I had just pulled out the tooth!

[Martina23]

Hello Ang, how are you? Are you already off all the drugs and how is it with your life now- everything ok?

[ang]

Hi Martina! Hugs.

I am tapering seroquel, it has allowed me to sleep during the last 18 months. I do wish I hadnt tried doing the up and down bit with it though. So grateful for

the help on this site, saying stay put, stabilize!

Anyway, I now realize that seroquel is also a nasty, very nasty. Was on 75mg, mid last year, while I actually worked for 6 months, anxiety, beyond belief, but it was good that I managed

to work.

So decided to get off the stuff completely, . So I am down to 21mg. It is a toss up, the seroquel allows me to sleep, but it still is a strong drug

in many ways... so the sedative is what I call the ""side effect"" I am now very wary, I am not just going to stop the seroquel, even if I do sleep, it is affecting me in other ways.

and now I have my brain back, am researching it more......

I believe my lack of motivation, energy, chronic fatigue, all that is due to the seroquel. So I am doing 10% to 20% cuts, depending on size compounded tablets I have.

As for life, last 6 months? I had a day about a month ago, when I was 60%, was heaven. Average days are like when I manage to shower,cook, do dishes, that happens about once a week!

Some things are improving, but the main thing besides the chronic fatigue, lack of motivation, joy, creativity, and the anxiety (yeah even going out of the house!) is what I thought was OCD,

ie constantly picking and scratching at my scalp and face. But it isnt, it is from cutting the seroquel, it is an itch, and others have it worse than me, I luckily mostly just scratch the

scabs on my scalp (and enjoy it!)... ugghh!

So I am far from well, but I am alive, and comfortable. Sit at computer all day, that is all. I even find the thought of going to turn the tv on and watching that, too hard to do.

So hope your children are well.

Oh, just had grandchild number 10 born. Daughter had him at home.... And I thank god, because she had medical issues, as a child, one of them was horrifically blocked sinuses,

headaches, and the specialist she went to, said she had depression, put her on antidepressants, and thank god, she got off them. Another doctor, finally did a CXT scan, and said she had

the worst infected sinuses, he had ever seen, and operation, and no more headaches.

So quick to put people on damn psych drugs! No one had even bothered to do the CXT scan to find out!

and so so glad, she refused the hpv Gardasil vaccine when 13 or whatever, OMG, so I am grateful, for this healthy daughter, and grandchild number 10. First one not vaccinated. My daughter

and myself, have realised how bad they are, she has 3 boys, all three have Austism, mild, but very, very real. It doesnt run in our family, ever. My son, also has one definitely Autistic

how horrific pHARMa fraud is.

Also grateful my daughter was informed and refused the new push, to have damn vaccinations in pregnancy, I worked in Pathology, now I research, and I know the damage that has caused, so,

so many disabled babies in Brazil, every one of them is vaccine damage, but they will not admit it, they blame the fact FOUR of the babies had zika?

The fraud is very, very upsetting, but I find, now cutting the tablets, to 21mg I am on now, I am not overly OBSESSED by the fraud, I can read about it, write about it, post the links on

facebook, but feel very, um grounded, I suppose. So I truly think the everyone is after me, semi psychosis caused by the seroquel is going, along with the med!

Thanks for reading.

Sorry I babble on a bit.

Every so often, I do get a few minutes where I dream of a future. Hope I get there one day

[Martina23]

Oh yes, I think lack of motivation and creativity can be definitely from seroquell. Try to make some sport - it will make better your energy levels. You will feel better once you are totally off. I heard also that there is something with vaccination. I let my children also to have vaccination. I thought it is a must. Later I asked the doctor who said it is not in the law but at that time when I did it nooone said I have a choice. I hope my children will not be autists.

[ang]

With bad autism, it shows straight after vaccination. My grandkids have a mild form, one doesnt sleep much at night, two are very impulsive, like dont think before they act. Another has

digestive problems. But luckily mild.

I am sure your children are fine, just research, before you vaccinated them further.

You are lucky to have your mother to help with your kids. And you sound so much better than 12 months ago, you may not notice it. It just takes so long, definitely teaches us patience.

[Martina23]

So my head is still not better. The whole my head and perception feels other than before carbocaine. It kicked out also my whole emotions.

 

The only thing which came back is my ability to work and accomplish tasks and maybe pleasure to do it.

 

So I submitted today complaint against the doctors and pharma and sent it already. Now I am also bit afraid - as in some way I spoke also about intrusive thoughts, because it is just part of my path, I could not omit it.

 

So now I am a bit afraid as these are all state employees there and who knows if they would really check the complaint or immediately say the doctors were right. I think it would be more the second option but nevertheless I tried as I considered it necessary.

[scallywag]

Martina, It's good to hear that you've noticed some improvements. That's a hopeful sign that the rest of your symptoms will resolve with enough time.

[Martina23]

I remembered today again how I was voluntarily in the psychiatry and because I wanted to go home, they bound me and loaded me with benzos and antipsychotika. I asked one attorney if I can complain and I got the answer that they can do it and that I would never be able to prove that I was not suicidal at that moment.This fills me with such a despair because it shows that there is no democracy at all, that they can take anyone and he can not prove that it was against the law.I do not know what to do with it, I can not accept such an unjustice.

[scallywag]

Martina, that was terrible treatment you sufferend and never should have happened. I'm sorry that you're remembering such a horrendous experience.

 

If you can, keep your eyes forward to healing.

[Martina23]

Scallywag, you are so nice to me and to others. It is great that you are a moderator.

[KarenB]

Martina, even through they can 'legally' get away with it, that does not mean it is acceptable.  You are right to be angry about it, because it is abusive behaviour.  They should be disgusted with themselves. 

 

You might work through it by treating it as you would any other traumatic event.  Perhaps you can find a counselor or such-like who can help you process your feelings around it, and provide some validation.  Perhaps you can write some letters to various authorities (even though they are unlikely to act, at least yours will be another voice added in to the mix). 

 

And as Scally said, you can also be looking forward.  You can create a safety net around yourself so you don't end up there again.  

 

Hugs,

Karen 

[Martina23]

Thank you Karen.

I must say I feel already better. My emotions are back. DP/DR is away.I am able to paint/do other works again.

Only intrusive thoughts and images are still here, more than ever.

What I read on other threads, some people still have them even at 16 months off. This makes me a bit sad, as it sounds they will be here for a very long time, when not forever.

I am also a bit afraid about this complain which I sent to the local authorities that they made me ill with this Lyrica. If I knew it would be some court in the US where it is really democracy and some doctor like Dr Breggin would make me expert statement I would not be worried, but these Austrian state employees you never know if they dont make you more problems with the complaint as you already have. I am afraid they might say that complaining is a sign that I am mentally ill and close me to the psychiatry and medicate me without my consent. Everybody says it can not be but I dont believe anymore in todays society, I think everything is possible. But I sent this complaint as when noone complain, we will never reach a change.

[Martina23]

I had yesterday such a nice evening. My emotions came back and also a lot of old memories - these most emotional memories and it was wonderful. I did not even know how I miss the old times.

I got memories about one boyfriend I had when I was 18-27, he is already married, he was palestinian and studied in Czech republic. And we went always for holidays to his parents in Aquaba or Amman. And it was so nice, everywhere so hot more than 40 degrees, they had such a big house, I liked the most to be on the roof, in the evening it was marvelous, everywhere red sky and the muezzin sang the prayers on the whole city. Everywhere red soil and a lot of goats. Then we went to Amman and lived by his relatives, who had a servant from Sri Lanka, she could not cook but always brought us fresh fruits in the morning, and for the dinner we always went to subway. I would so much like to live there once more. It could be nice place to paint it.

At that time I did not even know that Lyrica exists or that it will harm me in the future.

Sometimes I wish I could move to some place like that again but as a solely woman I dont know if I would survive there. It would be also hard with two children. Sometimes I miss my child free life when I could be personality myself and not always make so much compromise. I hope it still comes again. It would be great if the children father could take the children for half a year, but he does not look like that he would do it.

[Martina23]

Today I spent the whole day at the park painting. There were such precise flowers in the park which I wanted to paint, and on the photography there were no such details to see, so I sat myself at the park directly. I will also do tommorow. It was actually quite ok, I felt only always so weird when the people passed by and looked at my painting. It is always for me a bit disturbing moment as I never know if they like it or not.

These days my intrusive thoughts are at their top. Sometimes I worry that I am going insane, but even if I do, I dont know what to do about it. So I am doing nothing. Maybe these days I will already start to write my book, as if I am going insane, that it is finished earlier:-) But I dont know it yet. Maybe I will only paint this month.

[servadei]

Martina, it's great that you can go to the park by yourself even when your intrusive thoughts are at their top, as you say. You said it many times that you worry that you're going insane and this is very very common symptom of anxiety. Real insanity doesn't feel like going insane. What you have is normal but fearful thoughts which make you feel a bit weird and that's all. Keep on painting and don't worry if people like it or not! And writing a book sounds like a great idea, what do you want to write about?

[Martina23]

I am a bit ashamed to tell. It should be a novel and it will be about one woman who on the beginning is a bit superficial and therefore her boyfriend decides to leave her and then she gets these psychiatric drugs and upon withdrawal fights for her life and then through the own pain becomes more compassionate and more deep and discovers there is also some other world than she lived in before and then there are two versions which I still dont know which I use

1. And when she is now so deep her husband comes back and finds out this is the woman of his life

2. She finds a new love, someone similar to Robert Redford and it is the love of the life ...

 

But please dont laugh :-) It is not easy to think about a good story ...

[Swede]

Hi Martina!

 

I can relate to your fear about your horrible intrusive thoughts. I know exactly how you feel. I wish i could give you some advice how to handle them but you probably already know them. Maybe you have some advice for me??

 

I've had them since 2009 when on low dose of anafranil/klomipramin. Switched medicines but never helped. Quit cipralex in march 2015 and after 6 month they became much worse.

 

Since month 16 they have become less frequent but when they Come they Come strong. They content seem to change a lite bit from time to time(but mostly about the same things) and things that frightened me a couple of month ago doesnt bother me that much today, but no matter What they are still very scary. Do you know whats the differences are between ocd-intrusive thoughts and withdrawal-intrusive thoughts or are they mostly the same thing?? You take good care of yourself!!!

[Martina23]

I understand it like this that the withdrawal induced thoughts happen based on big anxiety and once the brain heals they should disappear. But if you have them since 2009 and you got it also from the drug, then I dont know. I dont even know if we really heal. But I hope so because I can not inagine to live in such a torture the whole life. For me it is also hard to handle them, everybody says we should distract but if they come I have these really scary ones. And it is not funny. But I dont want to go back on drugs, I will rather have intrusive thoughts.

[Martina23]

I have one stupid question. I paint with acryl colour, can this or some other colours make dependent like Lyrica? I mean that they would contain some addictive substances and then if I dont use them anymore I get withdrawal like with Lyrica? I think it is a stupid question but today it came into my mind and I got a little scared and now I am obsessing about it.

[brassmonkey]

There is nothing to be worried about Martina.  The chemicals in acrylic paints are for the most part harmless and will not cause a dependence that requires tapering.  There are certain colours that do contain toxic materials, but they are clearly marked so you will know which ones they are. Also you would have to eat several of the biggest tubes of paint to get enough toxic material to cause trouble. What you absorb from getting it on your hands or pointing your brush will not be enough to cause problems. The positive effects you get from making the paintings far out weigh the adverse effects the paints may cause.

[Martina23]

Thank you Brassmonkey. No, I am not eating them ... sofar. But it is great to have your reassurance.