starburst Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Hope you are feeling a bit better today sweetie. Link to comment
KLA324 Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Martina - I hope the day got better for you. Remember...they are just THOUGHTS. They are bad ones, I know. But you are not acting on them and in your rational mind you know they are wrong. As long as you recognize that, you should know in your heart that you are truly sane and that what is happening to you is the effect of the drugs. Nothing more, nothing less. Stay strong...look back at others situations when you need to forget about your own. I find that's what is helping me. When I am feeling so low that I just want to curl in a ball and sleep, I read others stories and it helps me see that we are all going thru pain but we are making it...a day at a time. HUGS to you, my friend. Karen 1999-Wellbutrin for anxiety/depression-CT after less than 1 yr with no prob 2000-2010-AD (can't remember which) a few times for a few months-CT each time with no prob 2012 - Ambien (sleep) and Propanolol (public speaking anxiety) Jan 2013 - Apr 2014 - Sertraline (25, then 50mg) Ambien after bout with depression Apr 2014 - Apr 2015 - Sertraline 100mg and Amitriptylene 25mg-CT in May/June. Did notice increased anxiety, moodiness. Aug/Sept 2015 - Trazodone 50mg (11 days for sleep), Phentermine 37.5mg 11 days), Tramadol 50mg (2 days for kidney stone pain) Oct 2nd - CT from Trazodone and Phentermine - CRASHED 2 days later. Severe depression, anxiety, constant crying RI Oct 15th - Citalopram 10mg daily, Vitamin D, Fish Oil Capsule, Magnesium, Simply Sleep at night. Will start weaning 11/15 if stable. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 Hello all, I know I should avoid this complaining, but I am still fighting with bad almost psychotic thoughts. They went a bit better the last two days but I am afraid of the next menstruation that I will possibky crash. I still try to go through without any meds but this never ending OCD makes me crazy. I am afraid that I will never be like before. Some people never got rid of OCD after they got it in withdrawal. I did not know before how happy I was that I did not have it. How can the doctors just be so negligent and give people something which causes them to have harm thoughts? I dont understand it. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Share Posted October 25, 2015 How long is it normal to have bad OCD thoughts in withdrawal in general? I am already tired of having these kind of thoughts. Is it really that we heal also during the tapering? With the tapering it is almost one year ( 8 months tapering, 3,5 months off the drug) and I have the same bad thoughts like before. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Hopefull Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Hi Martina, You don't have schizophrenia, you have anxiety, full stop. Anxiety and WDS makes you question your self,including your own sanity. Keep in mind that you did not have these thoughts prior to meds. You are obviously scared that you are loosing your mind. That is anxiety talking. Enjoy the holidays with your kids. Take care, Hopefull. DRUG HISTORY: November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction). January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey). January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering. October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg. September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed. September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised. February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. Link to comment
KLA324 Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Martina - I just read this article and thought it may help put your mind at ease... http://www.drmartinseif.com/resources/intrusive-thoughts.html Karen 1999-Wellbutrin for anxiety/depression-CT after less than 1 yr with no prob 2000-2010-AD (can't remember which) a few times for a few months-CT each time with no prob 2012 - Ambien (sleep) and Propanolol (public speaking anxiety) Jan 2013 - Apr 2014 - Sertraline (25, then 50mg) Ambien after bout with depression Apr 2014 - Apr 2015 - Sertraline 100mg and Amitriptylene 25mg-CT in May/June. Did notice increased anxiety, moodiness. Aug/Sept 2015 - Trazodone 50mg (11 days for sleep), Phentermine 37.5mg 11 days), Tramadol 50mg (2 days for kidney stone pain) Oct 2nd - CT from Trazodone and Phentermine - CRASHED 2 days later. Severe depression, anxiety, constant crying RI Oct 15th - Citalopram 10mg daily, Vitamin D, Fish Oil Capsule, Magnesium, Simply Sleep at night. Will start weaning 11/15 if stable. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Share Posted October 29, 2015 I was now so disappointed. There was one client currently by me, I have always thought that it is such a sympathetic person, and on the way we stopped by our accuntant if she has all necessary for the book -keeping. And they started to speak together and I found out they are both against refugees and both sympathize with such a right -wing government (quite rasistic) party. Everybody seems to be against refugees here, I dont know anymore if I am stupid or they are stupid, but I find it a bit sad. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Muddles Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 They are stupid....not you. Too many heartless people in this world. You are not one of them. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Martina23 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Share Posted October 29, 2015 I would like the most if there were no border at all and everybody could travel and stay where he wants. The greatest would be if there was also only one language between people and not so much distinction between "these mountains are mine and this river is yours". Then I could spend one half of year somewhere in Madrid and the second half of year in Algeria, I could everywhere find the work and just admire the culture and tradition. I would also like to see India, there I would sit somewhere near the see by Mumbai and make drawings of fishermen earning their bread through a hard work in the biggest sun. I like to watch such people, because in their face and wrinkles you see whole their life. I have always been person who loved dreaming, I love living in the air and just imagine the faraway places, and love and what I can still do and see in my life. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Share Posted October 30, 2015 I wanted to write about progress I made, but I found out that till it is not so much progress at all. These last four days until yesterday I was feeling quite ok. I still had a lot of OCD thoughts, but my imagination started to work almost like before. Before falling asleep my mind was so clear, I could make stories in my mind and think about beautiful things, and I was able to follow these stories until the end. And when I woke up, my mind was absolutely without OCD thoughts. It felt as if the bad thoughts or pictures were swept away. I was already so happy, I had the feeling that OCD starts to vanish. But it was not really true. Yesterday there came again scary pictures, it is like two or four pictures which come simultaneously to my mind and than I can not concentrate on what I am really thinking about. I have read today on someone´s thread that the doctor told him that by OCD the medicine has to be taken all the life. It is actually so terrible from the doctors. They give you pills which make you OCD. And then they say now you have to take medicine all your life because you already have OCD. I can not understand it. I still am not sure if I manage to survive this withdrawal until my body corrects itself. For me it is just this what I am doing the only way. I can not imagine to be on the pills even one more minute. I felt so dead when I was on them. It is so much seen on the people if they take psych meds. They become so fat also on the face and their sight is so as if they did not know where they are. I know one musician from Finnland which has bipolar disorder and is treated for it. It was in the magazine that he has already been treated and "he feels now ok" and there was a photo. The man looked like so disoriented and it was immediately seen that his body is not healthy. I am afraid that I will do once something and ends also so disoriented. I would be so happy if I could believe that these all recovery stories are really truthfull. Till now I dont see so much recovery for me. Since I am at work I gained 1 kg. I am still eating the same therefore the difference must be this sitting job. I really felt other when I was swimming or doing some other sport, much more connected to myself, as if the body and sould were one unit, I have to do something, I realize that this kind of modern life where people sit the whole time at work is not so great for the body. The body needs movement, in other case the energy does not flow ok and this brings also feeling that something is wrong, that we did not live our life to fullest. I decided also that now when I am 37 I want to start to live my life as I want. Until now I was always listening what other people say, kind of "middle-class morality". When I had some idea, my mother always came and said this is stupid, and it is proper to do it other way. I really think that everybody should be himself in life, in other case it does not have a sense. Therefore, I decided, when I will do now some drawings, I will go and ask by some gallery shop if they dont put it there and if someone buys it, then we will go fifty: fifty. And if they say they dont take pictures made with the pencil, then I can always start to do them also oil on canvas or whatever. I am sure I will not earn there big money, but to try is always good. I think it is necessary to stop doing my decision based on what other people say, because in other case I also dont live my life but the life of others. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted October 31, 2015 Author Share Posted October 31, 2015 Please does anyone know if OCD (for me harm OCD) can lead to psychosis? I am not taking any medicaments and till now I took it so that it will disappear as a withdrawal symptom. I have read the tread of AntidepressantsNomore and he had to take medicine for severe OCD near psychosis. In certain situations I feel also "almost near psychosis" but it is still OCD. Does anyone think is it necessary to take some medicaments in other case I will end in psychosis or are there other possibilities? I dont want to take any medicaments, if I would have to take them I would seriously consider suicide. Life under haze of drugs is for me no life. I dont know if I find ERP in Austria, I think Austria is not so developed in that respect (for non-medicament treatment of OCD) 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 I wanted to palce here some photos from Halloween, does anyone know how it goes? It doesnt seem to function by me. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 I wanted to share some pictures from Halloween party I attended on Saturday, hopefully with my "technical talent" it will be also uploaded. If not, please dont laugh. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 This above is my son Benny with me. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
AliG Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Hi Martina , I'm back . That looks fun . How are you ? You seem to be doing really well . I'm so pleased, that you are improving . Love, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 Ali, it seems only. I still feel on the verge of psychosis. It is always very bad but till now it did not come. So I am hanging in there and hope that my body will manage the curves till we crash. P.S. Did you have some adventures? How did it look like there? Is it a poor or rich country? How were the natives, did you like them? 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
AliG Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Martina , You are not on the " verge ". You're just still going through " Withdrawal". Just be patient . Hang on & in !! Yes , the country is full of contrasts, between the rich and the poor . The people, are beautiful;. So humble and gracious . They work so hard for their living . I learned a lot from them . They are always " happy" no matter what . I made a lot of friends, there. It taught me a lot . Love , Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
KLA324 Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Martina - the pictures of you and Benny are lovely! I am happy you and the children were able to do something fun for Halloween. I agree with Ali - you are still going thru WD. Be patient, be kind to yourself. Karen 1999-Wellbutrin for anxiety/depression-CT after less than 1 yr with no prob 2000-2010-AD (can't remember which) a few times for a few months-CT each time with no prob 2012 - Ambien (sleep) and Propanolol (public speaking anxiety) Jan 2013 - Apr 2014 - Sertraline (25, then 50mg) Ambien after bout with depression Apr 2014 - Apr 2015 - Sertraline 100mg and Amitriptylene 25mg-CT in May/June. Did notice increased anxiety, moodiness. Aug/Sept 2015 - Trazodone 50mg (11 days for sleep), Phentermine 37.5mg 11 days), Tramadol 50mg (2 days for kidney stone pain) Oct 2nd - CT from Trazodone and Phentermine - CRASHED 2 days later. Severe depression, anxiety, constant crying RI Oct 15th - Citalopram 10mg daily, Vitamin D, Fish Oil Capsule, Magnesium, Simply Sleep at night. Will start weaning 11/15 if stable. Link to comment
calithebold Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Hi Martina Just wanted to say hi and say that I do understand the scary thoughts as I get them too sometimes. You aren't alone there I love your photos Sarah All medications:: Xanax (1995-96), Aropax (1995-96), Mellaril (1997-2000), Efexor (1997-2002), Seroquel (2000-now), Lithium Carbonate (2000-now), Avanza (2002-05), Epilim (2005), Seroquel-XR (2000-now), Zyprexa (2002-14), Raberprazole (2000-now prn), Crestor (2009-15), Gabapentin (2009-12), Lamictal (2010-now), Abilify (2011-now) Lyrica (2012-now), Diazepam (2010-now prn), Saphris (2014), Respiridone (2014), Chlorpromazine (2014) Neulatil (07/2016) Current medications: Lithium Carbonate 750mg; Seroquel-XR 600mg, 800mg 04/16, 600mg 04/16, 400mg 04/16, 200mg 04/16, 400mg 04/16, 500mg 04/16; Lamictal 250mg 200mg150mg 04/16; Lyrica 300mg; Abilify 20mg 30mg 11/15 Zoloft 25mg 04/16 ceased after a week due to severe suicidal thoughts; Seroquel 25mg prn; Diazepam 40mg CT Jan 2013, 5mg occasionally, (massive med changes in April 2016 due to a hospital admission). Supplements: Fish oil 4000mg, Magnesium 100mg , Niacinamide 1000mg, Slippery Elm 800mg , B12 1000mcg, Zinc 50mg, B6 100mg, Vitamin D 2000IU, Calcium 1200mg, P5P 100mg, Vitamin C 2000mg, Vitamin E 400IU Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 I got now such a stupid intrusive thought, that I also started to laugh ... My colleague is a heavy smoker. He goes every ten minutes out of the office before the building to smoke. And now an intrusive thought came to me I should stand myself to the outside door and to tell him I will not let him out because smoking is unhealthy. I imagined myself standing at the door, him nervous as he did not have cigarette and shouting at me "did you lose your brain totally, get away from that door, stupid woman" and it came me so funny that I started to laugh. I think I will really make friends with my OCD because sometimes it makes up such stories which are not scary for me anymore and I have to laugh so much... Poor colleague, when he knew which thoughts I have of him. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
ColdTurkeyinBoston Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 . . . . This is the worst day of my life. Well - you should take that as a good indication, since it means that from now (or October 22) your days can only get better! CTiB All of the AD's I've tried have been uniformly ineffective, and I took none longer than ~2 months, so I don't feel listing them would contribute anything - not to mention that I don't have records. Link to comment
AliG Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Martina, I think your sense of humor coming back is a really good sign ! Just stopping by to " cheer you on ". Keep up the good work. I can sense the positive change in you, and it's so good to see. Hugs, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 4, 2015 Author Share Posted November 4, 2015 Today I had such a stupid day. I am really afraid that my boss kicks me out. I am still sitting at work, because she wanted to have something finished and then when she saw result said "here, here and here is mistake", and when I tried to excuse she said that by me "everywhere are mistakes". Sh*t. Life is really complicated! I have to run picking up my children, the baby sitter will be also angry as I said I will be at 6 at home. The withdrawal is also sh*t, I get these rage attacks out of the blue and it doesnt seem to subside. So today was really not my day, hopefully tomorrow will be better ... 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
KLA324 Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Martina - sorry your day was so tough. Is it possible for you to take work home and do it at night when the twins are sleeping? That way you could maybe calm your mind down and take time to think through the work. Just a thought. Each time you feel the rage, think of your children. Do you have photos of them on your desk at work? Look at their faces and remind yourself why you doing all this. (((Hugs))) Karen 1999-Wellbutrin for anxiety/depression-CT after less than 1 yr with no prob 2000-2010-AD (can't remember which) a few times for a few months-CT each time with no prob 2012 - Ambien (sleep) and Propanolol (public speaking anxiety) Jan 2013 - Apr 2014 - Sertraline (25, then 50mg) Ambien after bout with depression Apr 2014 - Apr 2015 - Sertraline 100mg and Amitriptylene 25mg-CT in May/June. Did notice increased anxiety, moodiness. Aug/Sept 2015 - Trazodone 50mg (11 days for sleep), Phentermine 37.5mg 11 days), Tramadol 50mg (2 days for kidney stone pain) Oct 2nd - CT from Trazodone and Phentermine - CRASHED 2 days later. Severe depression, anxiety, constant crying RI Oct 15th - Citalopram 10mg daily, Vitamin D, Fish Oil Capsule, Magnesium, Simply Sleep at night. Will start weaning 11/15 if stable. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 5, 2015 Author Share Posted November 5, 2015 I think I got again such big withdrawal like after my c/t. I am almost 4 months out (on 10 November it will be 4 months out). I feel as I got fever and feel so restless everywhere. There is such a restless feeling in my stomach and on the legs too. I feel as if I wanted to push everything not to harm anyone but just to move hands. I am already tired from it. I am again in a wave. I really decided I will write that book because it is not possible that I fight with this already for one year and it is still the same. How long does it stay like this. Forever? 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 5, 2015 Author Share Posted November 5, 2015 I am sorry. I didn´t mean to sound rude. I am just so desperate from this that I dont seem to find way out ... 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted November 5, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 5, 2015 By the way, my akathisia stopped. What a blessing! I copied this from Ali's board. That is awesome, Martina. My suggestion is to imprint this in your memory. In the windows and waves pattern of recovery it might return but you should KNOW IN YOUR HEART now that it will heal. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 5, 2015 Author Share Posted November 5, 2015 Thank you Andy, I liked that you answered me. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 6, 2015 Author Share Posted November 6, 2015 My boss has not kicked me out yet, what is a positive sign. Already all my colleagues know that I am chatting here, as they caught me when I was writing Servadei. But I think in this work my colleagues are quite ok, I must say, noone had any comments, everyone was only curious. My symptoms are still the same. I feel a bit hypochondriac in the last time. Today I had a pain on the right and left side where the stomach is placed and immediately asked my friends "what if I have cancer" And my thoughts continue that "surely they will have to operate me and give me such a Lyrica again and then I will never come off the poison", but everyone meant that "it is surely not cancer". So I feel now better. Yesterday I had quite a bad day. As I already said somewhere previously on my thread, it is three years and I still did not get any child support for my children, and the Austrian court which should give me such advance payment does not do anything. Already three years I try to push it how I can, but the state workers which work there are so lazy, that I just can not move anything. I had already to ask for child support in the US (the father of the children is US citizen) because the Austrian people at the Court are just so unefficient. So now on 19 November we have in the US the first hearing and I have to write a standpoint based on which law I place my claims. Yesterday I again telephoned with Austrian court and found out they again did not do anything, even when I sent them letter one month ago and this made me so angry that I started to have akathisia. Really for three hours I was not able to calm myself down. I felt so restless, trembling, I could not concentrate, such a weird feeling of tension in my body. Terrible. But then after ca three hours it again went away. I think I should not stress myself because all stress makes me so vulnerable and I get immediately by the slight exhaustion feeling of rage, so unnatural rage, as if I couldnt cope with stress. The other things are still the same. When I feel bad I am listening to music. I wanted to buy Ipod for listening the music but my colleague meant I should buy only headphones for samsung mobile phone, that it is not so expensive and the music is the same. I will try it. I like the most the song from kevin Lyttle "turn me on". When I listen to it , I forget everything. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
AliG Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Hi Martina, I meant to comment on this too. The fact that the akathisia has stopped, is a big deal . It shows that you're healing ! I'm happy for you. I hope you get the child support issue sorted out. I think this sort of stress can intensify the neuro - emotions. I'm pleased you have ways of calming yourself down. I find music good too. It can boost your mood , if you're down and is also relaxing, if you're a bit " strung out " or anxious. You can play it through your phone . I have a Bose mini - system, that I play my music through on " bluetooth" . Hugs, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
KLA324 Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 Martina, Did you and the children have a good weekend? I know you are stressed about your job but try to have a good week and not let your boss put too much pressure on you. You are a smart woman...a good person...and an excellent mom who is doing a very good job of taking care of her babies. Please try to have a calmer week and continue on your road to good health and healing. Karen 1999-Wellbutrin for anxiety/depression-CT after less than 1 yr with no prob 2000-2010-AD (can't remember which) a few times for a few months-CT each time with no prob 2012 - Ambien (sleep) and Propanolol (public speaking anxiety) Jan 2013 - Apr 2014 - Sertraline (25, then 50mg) Ambien after bout with depression Apr 2014 - Apr 2015 - Sertraline 100mg and Amitriptylene 25mg-CT in May/June. Did notice increased anxiety, moodiness. Aug/Sept 2015 - Trazodone 50mg (11 days for sleep), Phentermine 37.5mg 11 days), Tramadol 50mg (2 days for kidney stone pain) Oct 2nd - CT from Trazodone and Phentermine - CRASHED 2 days later. Severe depression, anxiety, constant crying RI Oct 15th - Citalopram 10mg daily, Vitamin D, Fish Oil Capsule, Magnesium, Simply Sleep at night. Will start weaning 11/15 if stable. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 Thank you Karen for your nice words. For me today was a mixed day. I telephoned again with Austrian court and they promised to give an advance child support payment, some 200 EUR monthly until the final calculation is made. It is not much but for the children it is better than to have nothing. So this was the positive from the whole day. The negative is I have suspicion that I have got an inaugural hernia, this is a rupture on the belly surface from heaving the children. I have it already longer time but yesterday and today it started to be quite painful. I think the problem is that both children are almost 15 kg heavy and to put them always to children´stroller and away brought me the rupture in the belly area. I am not happy about it, I should go to the doctor, but I am afraid that they will operate me and with my harm OCD this anestetic is not so good. I will try to hold until it is really necessary. The bad thoughts are still present. Sometimes really I am feeling that I dont want to fight anymore. The problem with the bad thoughts is not solved and my body makes also a rupture of its surface, and does not think about that the next operation can also bring the drugs for pain and I dont know how the anestetics will influence my harm OCD. I am already tired. I dont know what to do. I try to navigate but at the moment I feel overun. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Share Posted November 11, 2015 Today I got an e-mail that my boss woth a personal manager wants to speak with me on Friday ... What could they want from me ? Most probably it would be nothing positive. I have such a luck in my life: no child support, jobless and the worst is that I start to have doubts about me, even if I always thought I am ok.... 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Share Posted November 11, 2015 Everyone from my colleagues think I should give up the trials for getting the father of my children to pay child support. I did not get any money yet from him and the children are already three years old. The colleagues however think that it brings so much stress that the money is not worth the whole stress. In some way they are right, on other way it comes me so unjustified that someone makes you two children and just vanishes and noone really does anything. The colleagues mean that I can manage it also without his money and that at least once he can not say that this is his children and take them away. They think I am causing myself only useless stress. I dont know. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Muddles Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Maybe forget about it now until you are more able to deal with it in the future? He should be paying towards his children - any man that doesn't is just pure slime! 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Share Posted November 11, 2015 I think also that he is a slime ... 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
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