Martina23 Posted November 13, 2015 Author Share Posted November 13, 2015 So in the work they kicked me out ... 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
AliG Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Martina , I'm so sorry ! You're a smart girl . You will find a new and possibly better job. Love , Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Hi Martina, I'm so sorry to hear this! I haven't been posting on your thread a lot but I was always following and crossing fingers that things will work out great for you. I can't believe they kicked you out at work. Is that even legal? You have a medical problem and should go on illness leave rather than being kicked out. Did they give you any warning before they kicked you out? I know you're probably shocked and don't know how things should go on, but this phase will pass too and somehow things will work themselves out. In a couple of years we'll all be in a much better place. All the best, Laura Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 13, 2015 Author Share Posted November 13, 2015 No I did not get a warning. Before my holiday everyone said that they were satisfied with my work. Then I came from holiday, and I have one client which is always looking for mistakes. And when I came back from holiday everything had to be done quickly, and I put one amount into books with EUR and not USD. It was 50.000 USD and I put it in EUR. And the client went mad and since then (these are ca two weeks) my boss was very cross to me and now she fired me. The problem is that I always wanted to be a tax advisor and ground my own company and now I feel that maybe I am really such a bad worker, and then I dont know if it has a sense to continue doing all exams when my work is not good. I really think my work is good but my self esteem is at the moment totally on the floor. I dont know why I am trying so much. I am already so tired. First I have to look for apartment, then to move things, in two months afterwards they fire me and I can start to do everything again. And to it to bring up two children. There is no moment when I have time for myself. I was not happy in my life, I dont know how long. I am also a human being, it comes to me that everybody are only kicking me from all sides. I thought yesterday, where is the God? Did he do to me in the last time anything positive? Sorry, it will be ok. It is only that I now feel like last dirt. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Oh Martina I understand how you feel! By no fault of your own you're in such a horrible situation. This is super strange that they can just fire you like that. Is there any trade union (Gewerkschaft) that you can go to for advice? I think you're a very smart woman and you are a good worker. You're doing the many things you're doing literally with a (temporary) brain injury. I have huge admiration how you manage to care for your kids, work, and study to be a tax advisor in the middle of withdrawal. I can see why you are exhausted. I personally have stayed off work since my "Effexor Accident" as I would not be able to cope otherwise. Luckily financially this works out for the moment. Could you afford to stay off work for a while and focus on your exams, health and kids? Sending you lots of hugs and good wishes. Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 13, 2015 Author Share Posted November 13, 2015 Ali meant that when I wanted to start my own business, maybe I can start now. She is right, because maybe if I would always sit by some employer I would never have time to start. I think I will do that. When they kicked me out, I already forgot about my intrusive thoughts :-). My big example how the things can go is Christian Mandl. He was a poor student and applied everywhere for job but noone took him. So he grounded low cost airlines called "Skyeurope". The airlines went already bancrupt but he sold them before and now he is a very sucessful man. Thank you Ali and Laura, you are such good friends, I really needed today help, it is still for me quite hard (again crying) and with you I dont feel so bad anymore. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 I think the own business is a great idea if you have enough financial cushion so that you don't get under too much pressure. Is there maybe a way you could get unemployment benefit for a while and already start preparing everything for your own business? So that you're not under too much financial pressure right away? In withdrawal, stress is magnified so much, so it would be good to avoid it. Although...your last job didn't sound like a very stress-free place. Sending you lots of good wishes and healing. Don't worry about your old job. In a year your old boss will cry that he fired you because you'll do something so much better. Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 So sorry Martina but things will be ok xxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 13, 2015 Author Share Posted November 13, 2015 No, financial cushion I dont have. Unemployment benefits I will get, maybe also some little child support from the state. For starting a business it will surely costs at least 500 EUR monthly (computer software for advisory - ca 300 EUR, I will have to pay social socurity contributions ca 200 EUR + insurance is prescribed by the law, the amount I dont know) But I can ask by some tax advisory companies if I can not work on contract from home, this will finance the computer software, and when I am at least on balanced income I will take outside clients and then pay the rest: insurance + SS contributions. I will try that. I am 37. When I will make my own company when not now? When I am sixty I will not do it anymore. And for the old age it is better your own business, even if it is only one man show, because when you are older, everyone wants to kick you everywhere out. And when I go bancrupt, no then I go. I already survived so much in life, that this will not discourage me. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 I think that sounds like a good plan. I admire your courage. Maybe there's something in place for starting your own company from unemployed status. Maybe they can pay you unemployment benefits until your business is up and running. I think Germany has something like that. Not sure about Austria. Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 13, 2015 Author Share Posted November 13, 2015 Laura, thank you. That is a good idea. I will ask here if they dont have here some allowances for starting a company from unemployment status. I am sure that at least some fees can be paid by government. Please, both Ali and Laura, keep for me finger crossed. So today in the evening I will start to work on my new website for a new company. When it is finished I will show you. I also have to choose my logo, I will think about in which colours I do it. PS I am still so angry about my boss, but to do a job during the highest withdrawal is also a challenge, you are right. Thank you for the ideas, this idea with the allowances was a genius one. Thank you Laura very much. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Crossing fingers for your new company Martina! I love how you make something horrible (being fired) into something so positive. Good luck with the website design. I'm sure it will turn out great. Can't wait to see it. Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
AliG Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 Martina , How are you ? what's going on ? I'm glad you liked the idea , of your own business. To me , it seems like the perfect time. How is it coming along ? Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 Hello Ali, on Friday I was reading your post three times, it really helped me a lot. You chose really the right words, and I did not feel so lonely at work. It is now for me very uncomfortable to be there, the colleagues are staring at me, the boss does not speak with me at all, and I am afraid to do any slight mistake because I immediately know what they think. Oh my God, I dont want to go there tomorrow. I feel it already in my stomach, such a tension, when I remember I have to go there. With these other things, I have not think about yet. I have to be there in this company till 31 December, so there is still a bit time. With my withdrawal, I seem to have a window, yesterday and today I did not have so much of the intrusive thoughts, it is maybe also that I dont concentrate on it, that I have a bigger problem with this work now, and this helps in some way to distract from withdrawal. Ali, and how is it with you? Do you still have headaches and depression? Or is it already better? Thank you very much for being such a good friend to me. On Friday I really needed it so much. Thank you Ali. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
AliG Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 Hi Martina , I'm glad I could help , a little. I didn't realize that you had to keep working there, for a while. However, that is how it works , I guess. You will be fine. I think , sometimes distraction , can be a good thing, and even though you have to keep working there for a while, you have your plans, now. ( for your business ). That you have a window , is fantastic ! Even, for a short while. Enjoy your " open window", for however long it lasts. I'm feeling better right now, however, I'm up & down, on a regular basis. Cycling through " windows & waves ". I never know how I will be from one day to the next. Hugs, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 I know, I should forget it but my boss always looks at me as if I were the worst employee from all. When I bring her something and say I concluded this or that, it is always the wrong way I chose. I know that it is only she wants to see me as something bad, so she sees me that way but nevertheless when I have to go there, I have also stomach pain. I started to check the courses for getting my licence for making financial statements. From the past I have positive written exam but the verbal is still missing (once I was kicked out). I will try to finish it now. The problem is that now when I read the laws I have a feeling that my mental capacity is much less than prior. I have to think about much longer until I understand the law text. But there is no other way. I will have to train the brain until it goes. With the thoughts it starts to be much better. Even if I got PMS, it did not have impact on my withdrawal now. Actually last three days I had a feeling that my GABA starts to come online. I did not have these big attacks anymore. On Saturday I had a visit, and we were sitting at home, speaking absolutely ok, without intrusive thoughts and I felt actually quite ok. I feel now good also with the children, most of the time. Therefore I really think, I will heal some day. Only this with my work is still for me painful. But what shall I do. I can´t change the past, I can change only my future. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 I enrolled today for the exam to get state licence for provision of financial statements. The exam is on 24 January. I hope that my poor brain will cope. And in the mean time I will start to work on my website to keep motivation. Actually the life is quite exciting. So many possibilities. There is still possibility to achieve so much. I will go today and buy all the books, at least I will have now an occupation and will not lose time pitying myself. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Hi Martina, I'm so proud of you. You will do fine in the exam. I've done two exams since my brain was fried. It works. I felt like I was writing utter nonsense, but in the end I even got quite good grades. I think it's because our brains work differently than normal, we think we are very impaired. I am definitely impaired. I had to look up my own birthday recently. But for some reason exam writing capabilities are still there. Cheers, Laura Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted November 18, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 18, 2015 I know, I should forget it but my boss always looks at me as if I were the worst employee from all. When I bring her something and say I concluded this or that, it is always the wrong way I chose. I know that it is only she wants to see me as something bad, so she sees me that way but nevertheless when I have to go there, I have also stomach pain. HI, Martina, I'm so confused. I thought you said on uncomfortablynumb's thread that you got fired from your job on Friday? They fired me from the work what is really now very unfortunate. But this allowed me not to concentrate on the withdrawal. And since Friday this harm OCD went much better. Can you clarify? I was thinking that getting fired might be a good thing because you were getting so sick from the job, but now I don't know what to think or how to react! Thanks, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 Andy, I got fired on Friday. We have only in Austria a legal period of notice which takes in my case 6 weeks, so I got fired as at 31 December 2015 and until then I have to go there. I liked that job actually, I was not doing with taxes which I like but with the accounting and reporting which is a bit boring, but actually it was a nice, calm job, so I am not happy about that. But apparently it is a time to move on. I would much more like if the withdrawal went already away, today I had again bad thoughts, we were with the children in restaurant, maybe there were too many people and I got again these harming thoughts (I did not do anything). But it is so stupid it comes always in some big restaurant these bad thoughts. I thought they were already away. But how you said on your own thread it is necessary to keep going and tell ourselves that the "time is the healer" :-) I hope you are already better and that your symptoms will soon start to dissipate as you hold your dosage still, it looks like you have hit a rough spot. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 19, 2015 Author Share Posted November 19, 2015 I have got today such a depression. I dont know why. I think it has something to do with being fired from the job. I imagine that now I have to look for a job. I am afraid that maybe I will not find the job as how should I explain to the potential employer that I was kicked out. It is also that I have always worked hard for this aim to be a tax advisor and start my own company for international taxes. And now, when they kicked me out, I don´t even know if I really want to go this direction. It will take years to get all the licences and exams, if I get them, in this time I can be kicked out so many times from some company, I actually dont know if this is worth this whole effort. Actually the people can be without taxes. It is nothing that the nature would not survive if there are no taxes anymore. Actually for the nature is not important if someone works as a lawyer or tax advisor. There is no deep value in that. It is also nothing that I would really help someone only that he pays less taxes. Sure, he would not die of hunger. But who in Europe really dies of hunger? Everyone who does not have any job or money get unemployment benefits and thus does not die of hunger. Somethimes I think my life had more sense if I went somewhere to Syria and helped there in hospital or with the refugees. This would have more sense. But I can not take 3 years old children to Syria. So in some way, I would need to move but I can´t move. And it is very frustrating. I would so much like to be somewhere now in Arabia by the palms with warm weather swimming in the sea. I would like to work somewhere in Egypt but I dont speak Arabic and even if working for a corporation it would be impossible to get an assignement to Egypt as a woman. Today I see everything black. I think it is this weather, everything is so dark and also kick out from the company, that I feel so depressed. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 21, 2015 Author Share Posted November 21, 2015 Today is one of the worst days of my life. On Friday now there was this court in US for children support in Houston. And after three years where their father just negated everything, he came to the court. The court set up a monthly child support of $ 1.352 + $ 300 as a retro support (per month) as of 12/01/15. I know it is positive, but after sending me this information I got such a burst of crying. I mean it is so dry. We loved each other, hoped that we will respect each other no matter the circumstances, and this all ends only with a dry letter of how much money I get from him. This is so sad. I did not want that it ends like this but I made some mistakes (I think I told him something what he did not like) and after he did not want to talk to me anymore. Even when I was pregnant with twins. I wanted that he at least sees the children, but he never wanted to see them, and now I get only a dry letter about the money. I am so sad about this. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
AliG Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 Martina, Hang in there. I know it seems tough now , but you will hopefully look back one day and realize that it's probably for the best . I hope your ex- husband changes his mind and sees the children . I have been through it , myself. I understand. Take good care of yourself at this time, as stress can accentuate symptoms. Hugs, Ali Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 21, 2015 Author Share Posted November 21, 2015 Now when all my trials are already solved, I decided that when my symptoms get a bit better, I will sue these stupid doctors which did not take any time to check why I have pain and just gave me a drug so that I dont make problems and go away. I was never a gold-digger, but I think it can not be that someone just of his negligence makes a normal healthy person to fight with the harming thoughs against own children. Something like this can not be called medicine, it is a poison, I have been poisoned and I dont want that these doctors go away with it. I decided to sue them of 3 Million EUR. Sure I will not get them, but it will show them I am not the person they can easily mess up with. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 23, 2015 Author Share Posted November 23, 2015 I have today thoughts about, that it is funny, but always when I felt really very badly and could not go anymore, there came some event which allowed me to stand up and keep going. I am not religious, but I start to believe that there is something, it does not have to be a God but some positive energy which always helps when I am on my wits´end. Like it was last week. I must say I was already almost on my knees, heading totally to a burn-out syndrom. I think it was this all, prior moving of the house, afterwards kicking out of the work and 24 hours care of my children which does not give you any time to take a rest or breathe a fresh air. I was not suicidal, but I did not see a point of my living either, and I thought. God please help me, please give me something, some sucess in anything, only that I get motivation to keep going. And at once came this salvation in announcement that I did win the trial in the US (after fighting for three years) and that I will get the child support, which will help me to overcome the time when I am jobless, and at once this feeling of string around my neck suffocating me went loosen and I can continue fighting. I am so thankful for "this something" which helped. I lit a candle yesterday at home, such a little angel, and in some ways I start to trust the life, or this force which is behind, that it will help me if I try my best and does not let me die. And it is a great feeling, I have never had this trust in life before. But it brings so much peace, that I can count on something and it will come when necessary. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
direstraits Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 what a beautiful,uplifting post,Martina...thanks for this. glad you got the support you need so badly right now. hope things continue to improve for you...xo went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
Flowers Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Martina - I am British and we have an expression in English that says ' as one door closes another one opens '. I am so glad that this seems to be the case with you. Now that you don't have so much financial pressure I hope you will be able to choose the right career path for you. I wish you so much luck and happiness for 2016! Flowers xxx 15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM. MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT. JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month. 28.5 mgs FEB Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs . JUNE 24 mgs . JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to 22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed. 13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize 1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at 50 mgs at night. Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. XANAX Jan 27 - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover. Feb 14 2019 Updosed Xanax by .0625 Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily. Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM 20mg taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm. XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night. LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight. SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm. 7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm. 2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19 .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg x 2. 23.1.20 .23 mg x 2. 20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20 .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2. 18.6.20 .11mg x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2. 2.12.20 .06 mg x 2. 8.1.21 .05 mg x 2. 4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2. 7.4.21 .02 mg x 2. 9.5.21 .01 mg x 2. 21.6.21 .01 mg x 1. 11.8.21 ZERO! Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 24, 2015 Author Share Posted November 24, 2015 I always dreamt of visiting undeveloped countries like Iran, Afganistan, India and Himalaja. But I have never had a courage to do that. With children it is even more tough. But I realize that maybe now when I was kicked out from the job it is maybe the time to change my life totally and think about that this is not a life just to go to work, then back, then feed the children and go to sleep. That the life is something else. And that I dont have to worry about death as it is the part of the life and the only one necessity in the life is to live the life to the fullest. because then it comes also this feeling of personality and selfrespect. Therefore I decided that from now on I will change these things and I will ask my mother or friends or my prior au-pair if she will not take the children for one month in summer and I will start with some of these countries, for example India. Or maybe I will take the children with me. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
AliG Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Martina , You are sounding strong and positive. I love this " new you". You can really do anything you set your mind to. Just decide what you want to do . Hugs, Ali Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Flowers Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Wow - next year is going to be so exciting for you. xxxx 15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM. MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT. JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month. 28.5 mgs FEB Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs . JUNE 24 mgs . JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to 22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed. 13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize 1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at 50 mgs at night. Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. XANAX Jan 27 - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover. Feb 14 2019 Updosed Xanax by .0625 Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily. Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM 20mg taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm. XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night. LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight. SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm. 7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm. 2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19 .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg x 2. 23.1.20 .23 mg x 2. 20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20 .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2. 18.6.20 .11mg x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2. 2.12.20 .06 mg x 2. 8.1.21 .05 mg x 2. 4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2. 7.4.21 .02 mg x 2. 9.5.21 .01 mg x 2. 21.6.21 .01 mg x 1. 11.8.21 ZERO! Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 Today again I had to telephone with the client who is responsible for kicking me out and again the woman behaved as if I were the most stupid individual on the whole world. She always behaves so superior like if I were an ant under her feet. But to be honest now in withdrawal the thinking takes me longer and some things which I knew I cant remember, I hope it will go away. But it is very unpleasant, if someone looks at you as if you were dirt under her feet. Moreover, from yesterday I got again really big waves of intrusive thoughts to various people, I will not specify as it is painful for me, but in such moments I always wonder if I dont belong to psychiatry and locked forever. I would like to believe that they will once go away, but it does not seem like that by me. Actually my brain looks seriously damaged and the only thing I do the whole time is pretending that everything is ok and hoping that it is sooner away than it kills me. I am missing my previous brain a lot. My mother always said that there is not withdrawal from these medications and that when I need them I should take them. Now she said she started to use herself anti-anxiety meds because of her life circumstances (her cat had to have operation of her teeth, they had to pull her the teeth) and my mother is so worried about the cat so she started to use anti-anxiety meds. I tried to warn her that she can end with serious brain damage like me from these meds, but she did not listen, so she did what she considered the best. I am afraid that harm OCD will already stay like this. That once obtained, this will be my personality from now on. But I know, that being afraid will not help me. I will do my best and hope that I will (and we all will) survive this time. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
AliG Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 Hi Martina , How are you ? I'm sorry you can't get through to your mum . re : drugs. I have the same problem with my family . My nephew is on A/D's and Benzo's ! How's the business plan coming along ? This isn't permanent ! Just keep saying that .You will get your brain back . Ali Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Martina23 Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 Hi Ali, On the same day that you posted it I wrote you a long answer but my son Benny came to computer when I already wanted to send it and hit with his whole strenght to the computer and the whole e-mail was away. And afterwards I did not want to write the whole e-mail once more so I let it and write you today. Today I am again at work - until end of december I am here. Today one colleague visited me and told me that she heard I was kicked out. And the second sentence was "was your work so bad?". I thought "thank you, this is very nice that you tell me". I really think that I am good at my work - to be honest I think I am exceptionally good at my work, the problem is that the only one who thinks it is me. With my business plan: What I did is only I enrolled for exams for getting one of the licences, till it starts to run I will have to have some more dependent job also, but we will see how it goes. With my brain nothing went really better. I run around in almost psychotic state of mind, intrusive thoughts everywhere, and hope that it will really go better and I will not get psychotic. But till now it goes rather this other direction - towards psychosis. Oh my God, I so much envy all these sucessful people which have one job several years and everyone tells them how good they are and which are always going only up in their carreers. I would also like to be like this. This losing work is for me soul crushing. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
AliG Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Hi Martina , I hope this improves for you . Hang in there. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Martina23 Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 I am sorry Ali, I would give you a hug. Everything will be ok, you can write also later. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
AliG Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I hope you're doing ok . How is the job hunting ? How are the children ? Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
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