LoveandLight Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Thank you, Martina. Not too bad ATM. I'm drinking a lot of orange juice also..can someone help you with the move and technical bits? Hug x 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Martina23 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 I dont know, I can only call these people which are specialized in moving the furniture. I have to, I think. Because these suitcases I would not be able to dissassemble and then again to assemble. It is only it costs so much money. I dont know how it is in UK, but in Austria renting a new apartment is so expensive. I think they must have some lobby in parlament, because we have to pay here: deposit (2000-3000 EUR) if something goes broken, fee for the reality agency, normaly almost 2000 EUR, then also to the tax authorities for signing the contract EUR 500, + first rent ca EUR 800, and then also moving costs, and if you damaged something in the old department, the whole deposit stays by them (ca 3000 EUR). This is really devastating these moving costs. And I had this unluck that in my old apartment they first told me they would not make my contract longer and than they changed their opinion when I already had the new apartment. I was looking for a new apartment in worst withdrawal ever, I thought already we will stay homeless. So now I have apartment, but no more money. Or at least not very much. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 I changed my photo. These are my children, which I photographed some time ago while sleeping. They are twins and they always sleep together. I have heard that the twins are very connected with each other even when they are adults. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Aww they are lovely 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Hopefull Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 That is so beautiful Martina. I know it is hard. I am going through a rough patch my self. You just have to keep fighting and hoping that you will heal. It is a good sign that you are healing since the fear has lessened. In the mean time, take care of your self. God bless you and your family. X Hopefull. DRUG HISTORY: November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction). January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey). January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering. October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg. September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed. September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised. February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 Hopefull, do you have also OCD? I remember you mentioned one time, you have some milder form. By me this totally brutal harm impulses went a lot away when I stopped Lyrica completely, but now I have such a strange form of OCD that for example if I think on something (doesnt matter what I think on), at once comes into my thoughts the idea of a blade. This happened two times today in the morning, it has no connection to the thoughts I am thinking, but it just comes and places itself in the middle so that I can not continue in what I was thinking about. I get always so scared. I try "just to relax" that "it is just a blade, nothing exciting", but till now not very sucessfully. I hope this goes away because I dont want to come myself as a "Dr Jekyll&Mr Hide". I hope I have acute withdrawal behind me. But I did not get any, so it can still come. I am afraid of idea of it. How are you? You are much longer drugfree than me. Isnt it? I hope everything is well with you. What is with Ashbash? Does she come still online or not? 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Hi Martina, wondering where you've been. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Martina23 Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 Hello Skylarblue, I was suffering in silence. I wanted to go off the Lyrica in relatively short time (it was quite a rapid taper) and I needed for it my most concentration. I was afraid that if the big withdrawal starts like my fist c/t, that I will start panicking and I will start take Lyrica again. So I just needed to suffer alone for some time. I wanted to check in when I would be past acute withdrawal, or if there would be something positive to report. There have been also positive things since I stopped take medicaments. Two weeks after I stopped taking them, my depression went away. OCD thoughts and other irrational thoughts are still making themselves comfortable. I hope you are better yourself. Did you see any slight improvements or it is still the same by you? Nevertheless, I find it from you so brave to be so long drug free. I think you must have a very strong will. And how are your children? Mine are on the picture, I found out today they are quite spoilt. Always crying around, especially in the morning, when I have to hurry to the work. I think I am too mild to them. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ten0275 Posted September 17, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted September 17, 2015 hi martina, i just wanted to say "welcome back to the board!" i'm glad to hear from you and that in many degrees, you are seeing some improvement. i'm sorry the thoughts persist, but i truly believe in time this symptom will abate for you. the photo of the children is absolutely adorable. i had no idea they were twins. you're doing a good job w/ them. you have a lot on your plate. take things a day at a time as you have. hang in there, dave 1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞 Link to comment
melanie Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Hi Melanie, Hi Hopefull, yes, it might been I got OCD in its purest form from these drugs. I still pray that it goes away. There was one man on benzo forum, who said that it took him 22 months for the thoughts to go away. He had morbid violent thoughts. He recommended distraction. I pray that these thoughts will go away, in other case I dont want really to live. I dont like living with OCD. I dont take any drugs now. I will not take them even in the future, if I can help it. It is terrible tragedy which happened not only to me but also to many people here, to have brain which we dont recognize anymore. But I dont think I might hurt my children now. I still get the thoughts but the intensity and fear from them now is much less than it used to be through the tapering. My children are all I have. I could never imagine to do them something. I still believe that the body can revert it. Yesterday I found I lost one kilo after I stopped with lyrica. Still two kilos more and I will be on my former weight. I did not keep any diet. Therefore I really think that the body moves the direction to his previous state (if it happens with the weight, it has to happen also with the thoughts), it takes only too long. I dont think that it is really withdrawal what is happening to us all. It can not be that the body changes so quickly to the presence of the drug, but needs so long time to revert the changes. I more believe that these drungs do damage to the brain and the nerves and connections need years to regrow. I did not want to take these drugs, but the doctors told me there is nothing to be afraid, Lyrica is neither antidepressant nor addictive. I wish I did not take it. For me the whole this time is really struggling. But I know I can not live with drugs, I always lived drug free. Therefore I will continue this way even if it takes 10 years. I can only hope that my body can solve the issue and I dont have to suffer indefinetly. Much love Martina Hi Martina, It's beautiful that you've always been drug free. I've been living in a drug prison since I was a teen. Please, seek some good therapist. You could go one day a week (eg. on Friday) after your job. Seek an OCD therapist. You should absolutely be diagnosed to know it's OCD. You don't have to take any meds unless things become really really unbearable. That's how they started me on Anafranil when I was a teen. I couldn't function, the compulsions were so intense. Couldn't go to school. You've got so much to cherish: your kids, your job, your new apartment. I'm sorry you've got no one to help you with moving flats. You will get someone paid who'll help you. You'll manage I'm sure. You're strong. Without meds. Your kids are adorable, you've got to be healthy and strong for them. I don't have kids. Only a 4,5 yr old Kitty who always sleeps with her head on my pillow. Or just beside my pillow. I love her more than life itself. Do your best to stay that beautiful drug-unharmed person that you are. So glad you start losing your Lyrica kilos. They will go away without any diet once you are off. I gained a lot of weight on Lyrica, I can relate. Then I just dropped this weight when I went off. Big hugs to you and those beautiful young things in the picture. I hope they will have a beautiful life. Love, Mel 1990-1992 Anafranil. OCD under control, extreme social phobia. Hospitalized for the 1st and 2nd time (out of 3). 1999-2002: Prozac 20 mg. Stopped due to severe anxiety. Increased benzo consumption. 2003-2005: AD free (therapy). Feeling good, started working. Persisted 9 yrs in full-time job. 2005-2007: Ixel (milnacipran). SNRI. 2007-2011: Lexapro 10-15 mg. Fatigue and anxiety. Mania. Insomnia. Acne. Shopoholism. Polydrugging with different meds. 2011-2013: Effexor 37,5-150 mg (mostly 75 mg). SNRI. Fatigue and depression, terrible acne with scars, now gone. April 2013: Wellbutrin 150 mg. Hot flashes, extreme appetite, aggression. May 2013 - May 2014: Prozac - from 10 mg to 0 mg, very harsh taper. Functioning great but EXTREME ANXIETY. From May 2014: tried different ADs to replace Prozac, nothing worked, terrible side effects (Seroxat, Zoloft, Luvox, Brintellix, Doxepin, Trazodone). May 2014 back to benzos (Valium) in hope of improvement, aggravated depression and anxiety. Sept. 2014: Lexapro 2,5 mg, highest dose 5 mg for 1,5 months (Spring 2015). Steady decline, anxiety, fatigue. Diagnosed with OCD, dysthymia, social phobia, anxiety disorder, insomnia, eating disorder (first bulimia, then anorexia). Current meds: Seroquel 6,25 mg for sleep - 5 mg since Nov. 5, 2015. Lexapro 1,25 mg since Aug. 4th 2015. Valium, Ambien prn, tapering. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9984-melanie-should-i-reinstate-lexapro/ Link to comment
Frustrated Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Nice to have you back. I have thought about you over the past couple months. Glad you were able to get off the Lyrica and that the fear has calmed for you a little bit. I still have the thoughts here and there but they are not what they were. I am completely off the meds too and hope with time that all my issues will go away. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 Hello Frustrated, Hello Mel, I can not go to the doctor to be diagnosed with OCD. Here when you come to the doctor, immediately they will push you into medicaments. I will just risk it. Sure if I get already psychosis, then I would go to the doctor, but otherwise "no way". 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 Hello Dave, I am happy that you are yourself allright and I am glad to hear from you too. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Frustrated Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 I have some OCD tendencies but I just live with them. Silly stuff like having to do stuff in sets of four. So there might be something to the intrusive thoughts being OCD related. If that is the case perhaps when the brain is done repairing itself the OCD will go away and the thoughts will go with it. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 I am also just living with them. I think it is right. I would not risk to go to a doctor unless totally necessary. On Lyrica I had such harm impulses that I was afraid to come home. I was crying the whole evening always and this was not OCD, this was a tragedy. If I would explain the thoughts I had I would immediately be sent to the mental hospital. And now I am not afraid to come home. I got also my feeling back. I can read stories for the children and I feel great when we cuddle. I got my creativity back. I was always a very creative person. By taking drugs it was all away. Now it is almost as it were. I wouldn´t go to a doctor. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
melanie Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 I am also just living with them. I think it is right. I would not risk to go to a doctor unless totally necessary. On Lyrica I had such harm impulses that I was afraid to come home. I was crying the whole evening always and this was not OCD, this was a tragedy. If I would explain the thoughts I had I would immediately be sent to the mental hospital. And now I am not afraid to come home. I got also my feeling back. I can read stories for the children and I feel great when we cuddle. I got my creativity back. I was always a very creative person. By taking drugs it was all away. Now it is almost as it were. I wouldn´t go to a doctor. Ok, but look for some therapy, please. You're not homebound like me. So you can do it. Maybe try that 4-steps method by J.M. Schwartz... It helped me a bit with OCD. Lyrica is a CNS depressant. No wonder you cried a lot. Glad you're doing OK. Hugs, Mel 1990-1992 Anafranil. OCD under control, extreme social phobia. Hospitalized for the 1st and 2nd time (out of 3). 1999-2002: Prozac 20 mg. Stopped due to severe anxiety. Increased benzo consumption. 2003-2005: AD free (therapy). Feeling good, started working. Persisted 9 yrs in full-time job. 2005-2007: Ixel (milnacipran). SNRI. 2007-2011: Lexapro 10-15 mg. Fatigue and anxiety. Mania. Insomnia. Acne. Shopoholism. Polydrugging with different meds. 2011-2013: Effexor 37,5-150 mg (mostly 75 mg). SNRI. Fatigue and depression, terrible acne with scars, now gone. April 2013: Wellbutrin 150 mg. Hot flashes, extreme appetite, aggression. May 2013 - May 2014: Prozac - from 10 mg to 0 mg, very harsh taper. Functioning great but EXTREME ANXIETY. From May 2014: tried different ADs to replace Prozac, nothing worked, terrible side effects (Seroxat, Zoloft, Luvox, Brintellix, Doxepin, Trazodone). May 2014 back to benzos (Valium) in hope of improvement, aggravated depression and anxiety. Sept. 2014: Lexapro 2,5 mg, highest dose 5 mg for 1,5 months (Spring 2015). Steady decline, anxiety, fatigue. Diagnosed with OCD, dysthymia, social phobia, anxiety disorder, insomnia, eating disorder (first bulimia, then anorexia). Current meds: Seroquel 6,25 mg for sleep - 5 mg since Nov. 5, 2015. Lexapro 1,25 mg since Aug. 4th 2015. Valium, Ambien prn, tapering. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9984-melanie-should-i-reinstate-lexapro/ Link to comment
Frustrated Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 So glad you are doing better. I hope each day brings you closer to the healthy person you once were until you are whole again. I wish that for all of us. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Cdav Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Martina, I'm so happy creativity is back and the good feelings when cuddling with your children!!! This is great progress! -Effexor 150 mgs (2001-2009). Severe withdrawal symptoms during and after tapering for 6 months. -Pristiq 50 mg (2009-2012) Tapered over a year. Worst year of my life. -Prozac 20 mg (2012) Tapered over 6 moths to ease withdrawal. Still had severe WD symptoms. - (2012-2014) Doctor tried more than 20 medications for depression and WD, leaving me hypersensitive, and in protracted withdrawal. - Most debilitating symptoms during protracted withdrawal have been deep depression, anxiety, brain zaps, fatigue, akathisia, twitching, headaches and terrible PMS. -January 2015: Started Lamictal 12.5 mg, increased to 25 mg.- Bad reaction when updosed to 50 mg. Stopped. -February 2015: Doctor tried new antidepressant Brintellix - Horrible reaction. Discontinued completely. Severe AKATHISIA started. -March 2015: Started TMS therapy (Transcranial magnetic stimulation) for severe depression. Didn't work. -July 23-August 12: Had 10 ECT sessions which took away my protracted withdrawal symptoms including: akathisia, brain zaps, muscle twitches, fatigue and depression. Stopped medications. -September 2015: Experiencing bouts of depression again and muscle twitching. -March 2016: Started 20 mg Nortryptiline for depression. It helped. -August 2016: Slowly tapering Nortryptiline. Link to comment
AliG Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Martina, It's so good to see you back. I'm glad you're doing a little better. Thank you for your kind words on my thread. I'm happy to have you as a friend, also. Your babies are beautiful , by the way. It sounds like you are getting "yourself" back, in many ways, both emotionally & creatively. This is encouraging & very positive. Keep it up. Hugs, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Martina23 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 Thank you all for nice words. I have to tell you all something very sad. From yesterday evening I got such a set back in OCD (together with something like inner rage) that I ended in a deep depression. Again thoughts about hurting other people, but so strong. I feel from it so depressed. It comes to me I am running, running and I seem not to able to win it. I tried to give the body plenty of time but it seems to ignore it and go still worse. If I end again on psychiatry, I will die. I woud not have a point of living. I have heard that the people can end their lives by simply wanting it. When I end on psychiatry, I would want it a lot. I had always a strong will, so I think I will also achieve it. I am trying to tell myself that it is only a set back, but to be honest I dont believe it at all. Today when I went to work there were only scary pictures in my mind like me hurting other people on million ways and I have read the not only benzos but also the anti pain medicine can cause such personality changes that the people end agressive and antisocial. I think I am lost forever. I can not believe on anything anymore. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 I feel already a bit better, this problem with the thoughts comes me bigger that anything I have solved in life, I honestly dont know how to solve it ... 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 I remember actually the last day before this all withdrawal happened. I felt so happy in my life. I quitted the job where the boss didnt give me salary. I stopped to have lunch in the restaurant in the corner, where I had a meal and one beer, it was midday, I was looking at people passing by and I was feeling so happy. I decided to go on my feet home, not by tram as usual, just to see the shops. I stopped in one shop on the way, where they sold flowers and teddy bears for children. I bought both and I was hurrying up home to the children. I did not even know that something like OCD exists and I would not be even able to imagine that someone can have a hurting thoughts to his children. And then I woke up next day and everything nice in my life was over ... 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Aww yes it's so incredible how quickly it happens 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Martina23 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 I have today my crying day... But fortunately we moved in the office to some other place so now I can better hide behind my computer and cry :-) 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Is that a recent pic Martina..you look happy. I'm so sorry for you, xxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Martina23 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 Loveandlight, I think the problem is that I can not believe anymore that it goes away. It takes already too long. And the volume is too big ...I am going to continue working. Until 30 September I have to finish three finacial statements and today I did nothing, only crying ... I wish you a beautiful day. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Yes I know it will go though, whether you believe it or not xxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Cdav Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I'm sorry Martina, I understand how horrible it feels to just be able to cry all day. On the good side, I think you are having more windows than you used to have months ago. -Effexor 150 mgs (2001-2009). Severe withdrawal symptoms during and after tapering for 6 months. -Pristiq 50 mg (2009-2012) Tapered over a year. Worst year of my life. -Prozac 20 mg (2012) Tapered over 6 moths to ease withdrawal. Still had severe WD symptoms. - (2012-2014) Doctor tried more than 20 medications for depression and WD, leaving me hypersensitive, and in protracted withdrawal. - Most debilitating symptoms during protracted withdrawal have been deep depression, anxiety, brain zaps, fatigue, akathisia, twitching, headaches and terrible PMS. -January 2015: Started Lamictal 12.5 mg, increased to 25 mg.- Bad reaction when updosed to 50 mg. Stopped. -February 2015: Doctor tried new antidepressant Brintellix - Horrible reaction. Discontinued completely. Severe AKATHISIA started. -March 2015: Started TMS therapy (Transcranial magnetic stimulation) for severe depression. Didn't work. -July 23-August 12: Had 10 ECT sessions which took away my protracted withdrawal symptoms including: akathisia, brain zaps, muscle twitches, fatigue and depression. Stopped medications. -September 2015: Experiencing bouts of depression again and muscle twitching. -March 2016: Started 20 mg Nortryptiline for depression. It helped. -August 2016: Slowly tapering Nortryptiline. Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Beautiful picture, Martina. You will be smiling again - like you are on that picture. I know it. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Martina23 Posted September 20, 2015 Author Share Posted September 20, 2015 I am happy that you like it. Curiously, it is the one taken when I was on the psychiatry. I hope it for us both. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 I wanted to provide update what happened in the meantine. I moved the apartment. I am still struggling to get my deposit from my old apartment back (almost 3000 EUR) as I have so less money that it is really to cry. But I got already money from my employer back who went bancrupt so we are still surviving. I found out that in the house where my new apartment is, the neighbours are really ratty. Today I got e-mail from the owner of the apartment that two of neighbours complained about me that when I was moving I put all the moving boxes in the house garbage cans and they could not put their own garbage there. When they are so stupid I am already again afraid that maybe they could kick us out and I dont have so much money for another moving. I am also so tired. Yesterday I did not only sleep in the night, I had also to take a nap also during the afternoon. I still fight with contamination OCD and bad thoughts. Yesterday before falling asleep I got such a depression. I am afraid what if this all is not from Lyrica but from some other undetected cause, like that the dentist put me accidentially poison in the tooth fillings or that it comes from mobile phone, and now I dont know that the cause is still inside and I will have the thoughts forever. I dont want to have bad thoughts to the people whom I dont know, it is really a tragedy for me. So not only that I am poor but also I am ill, it is really "envyable" situation. I decided that now when moving is over, I will start to write a book about this whole situation, how the doctors simply ruined my life even when in prior I was totally healthy. I can not sue them now, because I dont want to run risk that they say if I still have OCD that they will put me on medication involuntarily. I will sue only then when I am already better and they cant put me under medication anymore. It is still for me very rough. I am so afraid that I will never recover. There was such a survey published on benzobuddies, how long it took to people to get the full recovery, if I find it I will post it. They meant that within three years 99% of the people are recovered if there was no underlieing issue in prior. I hope that this survey will really correspond to reality and that it will be applicable also for Lyrica and antidepressants. I hope that everybody is still struggling and did not give up, even if it is hard. But we have to believe on something, in other case there is no point to go on. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
tgirl Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Good to hear from you Martina! Glad you finally got moved. Sorry your neighbors are being drab. How is work going? How are those beautiful babies? Tgirl April 2014 remeron 45mg. June 2014 abilify 2.5 remeron wasn't working so abilify was then added September 2014 woke up with anxiety x 100!!!! Pdoc then took me from 45 to 7.5 within a month and took abilify from 2.5 to 0 Currently Remeron 7.5 Vitamin d 5,000 iu taking for about 3 years October 2014 added fish oil/omega 3 1000 mg per day Levothyroxitine 100 10 years or so Dec 2014 started tapering 10% every 10 days-no problems. August 2015 down to 0.1 mg Woke up with severe anxiety-sleep issues-racing thoughts-depression. 9/9/15 up dose 1 mg. Link to comment
Hudgens Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 there's no real evidence that silver fillings or RF from cell phones causes anything bad healthwise. But worrying about things like that-and many other things they talk about on the internet-is common to people withdrawing from antidepressants and antipsychotics. I went through all those worries, too. It's difficult to not use the internet to try and get to the bottom of our suffering, but so much of it just adds to the suffering. Now that I feel like my old self-I don't worry about all the alternative possible "causes" of my suffering I found on the internet. I see that it was all just part of the withdrawal-because all of those extra worries left with the end of the withdrawal symptoms. It's very difficult but try and not spend hours on the internet researching alternative explanations. Make use of Occam's Razor: Did you have these problems and worries before stopping whatever drug you were taking? If the answer is no, then the problems are most likely from your stopping the drug. But, as I said, it's difficult not to constantly be looking on the computer-there's a type of hypochondria common to withdrawing from these drugs-it's not true Hypochondria, but it makes it very easy to talk yourself into believing things are causing your symptoms that just aren't. I've been through this too, but all that does go away. Sept 12th 1992-began taking Imipramine (50mgs) for panic attacks. Stopped Imipramine after 4 months (cold turkey). 7 months later experienced "mysterious" bad flu-like symptoms, although, without upper respiratory problems or fever. Because of this and a day of panic attacks, was put on Prozac (20mgs?) for 2 months and then, when that didn't work-was put back on Imipramine, plus Xanax 1 mg (4Xdaily)-October 1993. March 1999-switched from Imipramine (50mgs) to Celexa. 2008-switched to Pristiq for 3 months, then back to Effexor XR (after bad reaction to the Pristiq). Sept 1st 2010-Switched from Effexor XR (75mgs) to Effexor Generic (solid form) in preparation for taper. Nov 15th 2010-Began tapering from 75mgs Effexor Generic. January 13th 2014-.06mgs April 17th 2014- .03mgs May 11th 2014- .02mgs Ended taper October 31st 2014 Oct 4th 2015-11 months post taper and completely back to normal! Link to comment
Martina23 Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 I am sitting again at work, I found I have 70 minus hours from the time when I have to go with the children to the doctors or local municipalities so now the children are for two weeks by my mother so I try to sit at work longer (usually till 9 pm) in order to eliminate all these minus hours. There are some things which went better meanwhile, but some which went worse. I will start with the better ones. I find that my ability to manage life in general is being better. When I was on the drugs I felt I did not have power or will to participate in life in any active way. Throught the process of tapering I mostly lived from my savings and worried that once they are away I will not survive. Since I got off the drug we started to have a positive balance, more money earned than spent. I got my deposit and also some other money back, and for the first time after being on drug I am positive about that I can earn and get enough money to raise the children properly, I do not worry about money anymore. We reached it. I moved the house and now I have plenty of other plans on which I want to work: - I want to start a company (but it is a long term aim, I would like to have once a middle sized company for taxes, I know it is hard work but the people should have aims) - I will try to help people if I can, I asked already by municipalities that I could always on saturday take some child from orphan house to us, if I cook for two children I can cook also for three, but till now the municipalities were not so happy with this idea, everybody wants only money - And I had one idea yesterday before falling asleep to invest in some apartment in Czech Republic, the idea was that if they join EUR currency the prices would go up, so it could be a good investment. But I am still only in stadium of thinking about this idea, because I dont have so much money. I think, if I do it, I would have to find someone to invest with me. The things which are bad: My brain is still making too big waves. Once I feel almost psychotic, then I feel almost manic, then suicidal and the rest of the time I have OCD thoughts. And there is still one thing which makes me very unhappy. In the night before falling asleep or upon waking I get always such strange pictures in my mind, it is not like before an empty landscape, but there come such scary pictures, dwarfs, people without legs or a monster which coming to me. It is so scary. Also I liked before always to dream about nice things before falling asleep. For example yesterday I wanted to imagine that I am giving a kiss to my children. In my thoughts I am giving kiss to my children but I can not imagine it. If I try to imagine it in the middle of the nice imagination for example I am kissing my son Benny there comes always something scary like Benny falls down, or the bear comes and takes the Benny away or the Benny spits at me and I can not control with my thought what imagines itself, as if the thoughts and imagination were totally disconnected. If something like this comes, I am getting the thoughts of suicide, but I have to go on. I dont want to die. I can not imagine that it disappears. I wrote it as if someone has also problems with their imagination, please write me so that I know that it is normal. Because I am afraid of it a lot. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
AliG Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Hi Martina, It's good to hear from you. It sounds like you have a lot of plans , in place , for the future. That is such a positive sign. You are moving forward, in your life. Obviously, there are still "withdrawal" symptoms, that are ongoing and will take some time to resolve. However, this is very encouraging , and you sound so much better. I, personally don't have these type of symptoms, but I know they will gradually fade, as time goes by. They all do , eventually. This will be a distant memory, at some time in the future. I think you are doing really well. Love, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Martina23 Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 Thank you Ali. You are such a good friend. I hope you are feeling better. Love, Martina 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
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