LoveandLight Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Big hugs Martina. You will survive this cxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 16, 2015 Author Share Posted May 16, 2015 I think today and yesterday was the biggest wave ever. Thousands of intrusive thoughts, stupid, irrational thoughts everywhere. Maybe it has something with this cut to 40 mg. I dont know. I already gave up the thought I will be ever normal again. But with two children there is just no possibility to run away. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 16, 2015 Author Share Posted May 16, 2015 I wanted to post here the photo of my favourite picture, but it had too many kb. Nevertheless, it is called Hunters in Snow and it was painted by Pieter Bruegel. For my taste it is the most beautiful picture I have ever seen. Today we were with the children swimming. Most probably, we will also go tomorrow. I find it is good to do some sport during the weekend. My intrusive thoughts today were really thriving. I think I must be in a wave because they were so many like stars. I had them almost in every situation. These are even worse than by first 50% of drug. They are really going under my skin. Sometimes I do not even recognize this is an intrusive thought until there is no other thought which informs me that something doesnt fit. I am so worried and I can not do anything about it. I can not go always backwards. I have to go through it. But, honestly, it takes me all joy from the life. I dont want to think negatively like now, but I am not really able now to think in another way. It must go away, in other case I am destroyed. I know that when there are so many millions of people on earth, it actually doesnt matter if one dies or not, but for me personally it matters a lot. I hate these psychiatrists, I hate them so much. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 So sorry Martina. You are still doing amazing xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 17, 2015 Author Share Posted May 17, 2015 I decided that I will still stay on 40 mg until I stabilize better. Because today the intrusive thoughts continued, but not these little ones, but these big which feel like urges to do something violent. They are therefore dangerous for me, as I always start to think about if there is not any thruth in them, because why should I have them otherwise, if they do not mean anything. And then I get scared and together with these urges I am afraid to be together with my children. I dont know if it is right to stay on 40 mg, if I should not continue in my tapering schedule, but as I am not stabilized I am bit afraid to keep to a schedule. Maybe it would have also this positive side that i could better observe my withdrawal pattern. I guess how my body reacts on diminishing the amount drug, it would be always the same. And if I know the pattern, I would be less scared and more prepared to accept what is happening. Benny came here that I should cut & peel him a few apples. So I have to go. He likes them very much to the bed. And by eating apples we are reading story book. They like the most such where are pictures of various animals because then they can say which kind of sound each animal makes, so this makes them very happy. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 Here is another one suffering totally the same symptoms like me going down from lyrica: http://www.reddit.com/r/DrugNerds/comments/2nyzzl/lyricapregabalin_withdrawal_similar_to_gabapentin/ Good God, what shall we do? 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 I dont know how is this possible. The whole day I struggle with obsessive violent thoughts, I believe it is still from my cut to 40 mg. Every day I tell me, this will be my last day, surely I will do someone something and end up somewhere on the psychiatry where they give me all the medication possible and I can not say anything scared to death. And it is still not happened. And I continue to await with fear each minute which I spend with the people that my brain will betray me and I do something which I should not do. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 I did not mean to scare anyone. I am sorry I wrote this. I dont want that someone sends on me some psychiatrist. It is ok, it really is. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Oh Martina.. Don't be scared..that's not why I pm'ed you. You can write whatever you like here. I just thought that it might help to talk with a psychiatrist who recognises withdrawal, they won't think your crazy or going to harm anyone..I just thought it may be good support for you with someone that acknowledges what your going through. Hug xxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Martina..I think this group would be the last people that would force you to see a psychiatrist 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 I am sorry, I am today quite too sensitive (I have today again a crying day). It is not only withdrawal. Today I also got execution title (I had a receivable of 56 EUR and I paid it 7 days after the deadline) and now the court within these seven days approved already that they take me away from my salary 120 EUR (today I got the information from my employer). I find it so unjustified. The same court has there also my claim for child support. For two years they did nothing. I did not get any child support since the children were born. But if some governmental agency wants from you 35 EUR, they will take you it in a minute. I feel so powerless by these things and it is going really on my nerves, this everything. I am sorry, Lovenandlight. I like you very much. I am not offended. I just went oversensitive at this moment. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Oh wow as if you didn't have enough to cope with! I'm not offended either..xxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Prestorb Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Hi Martina, I am so sorry that you are suffering so much but please hang in there, you are actually coping very well given all of the responsibilities you are bearing while going through this. I think holding at your current dosage is a very good idea, and I actually considered making that recommendation to you a couple of days ago. Continuing to taper when your are still very symptomatic is not usually recommended, as it typically only exacerbates your symptoms. You may need to hold for quite some time until the intrusive thoughts go away. This should help to minimize your symptoms. Be as kind as you can to yourself right now, you are doing the best you can at the moment and eventually it will pass. Try not to get in too much of a hurry to taper off the medication. You will get there, but your brain is trying to adjust to the changes and that just takes time - much more time than we would like. You will get through this, hang in there! 2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety: 2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression: 2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep: 1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness: 2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD: 2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING: 3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero): 4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!): 4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016) 5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16: 4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD): Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety 7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too! Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Martina no one thinks you will harm anybody. These are only thoughts. Both doctors and therapists are well aware of the nature of these thoughts. They are OCD thoughts and are not real. For you they were brought on by withdrawal but it doesn't matter - they are not real. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Hopefull Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Thank you Martina, Thinking of you too. DRUG HISTORY: November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction). January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey). January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering. October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg. September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed. September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised. February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. Link to comment
Hopefull Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Try keeping a journal. You will notice a withdrawal pattern. For me personally first 2 weeks seem ok. Third, fourth, fifth week, not good, sixth week good. Biger cuts have been horrendous, smaller cuts not too bad. I still get withdrawal symptoms with small cuts but not that bad. Make cuts when you feel stable. Stabilize then make a cut. I need 6 weeks to stabilize. That is my pattern. See if you can notice a pattern. You will heal. DRUG HISTORY: November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction). January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey). January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering. October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg. September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed. September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised. February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 This is precisely what I want to find out. Now it is for me fifth week. It is quite catastrophic. But I am trying to keep, until there are not these big intrusive thoughts. I hope I stabilize within one more month. Mostly this horrendous amount of glutamate should go away from my brain, because I get such amplified reactions right now, that it scares me. Actually I am scared already 7 months, it is nothing new for me. But the healing takes so long ... 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 I am so afraid of everything. It is terrible. God please help me, please take me to you! 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Hopefull Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Martina, Have you noticed easing of intrusive thoughts at some point? Have you had good days? If you have, was it couple of weeks after you stabilized/made cuts? If you can notice a pattern it would help you with the healing process. Knowing that it is a withdrawal symptom. DRUG HISTORY: November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction). January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey). January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering. October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg. September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed. September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised. February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 Since I c/ted, I dont know "good days". Only days "manageable" and "not manageable". Three-four weeks ago it was already better. As better I mean, that I could be with children at home where the intrusive thoughts were somewhere in the background, but my personality started to be stronger. Now it is again that there are really intrusive thoughts which are completely nuts. And therefore I am much more afraid in a daily life. As this whole takes already 7 months, I thought I should be already somewhere else with the recovery, but no, I am on the same place than before. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Frustrated Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 I thought I would be much further ahead at 11 months Martina but I continue to suffer as well. I think it will take a long time for our brains to rewire themselves. My son has to taper like 5% every month so he doesn't suffer and he still gets symptoms here and there. The brain is obviously very touchy about coming off the medication. It had taken me like 6 months to get the child down 13 mg so he can go to school and be normal, and he still misses days because he doesn't feel well. This stuff is truly poison. I believe people who say it will take 1 to 2 years because I am beginning to see it in my own life. Do your best and try to be patient even though it seems impossible. The thoughts are truly horrid. I have them here and there as well. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 Frustrated, do you believe that once we will be as we were? I dont know what I should believe. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 We have to believe we will recover even though we might not see it now. Everybody improves. So will we. That's what I keep telling myself. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 My friends dont understand me at all. I spoke with them about my worrying to cause someone harm. And they told me that in the moment I do someone something it proves I am mentally ill. I dont know, maybe I am already mentally ill, but I dont want to feel guilty for this as I was just poisoned by doctors and by their neglect I am now as I am, and I dont want that the people give me the responsibility for something I did not do. This can happen to anyone that he goes with the trust to the doctor and ends with the destroyed health. I dont want to feel as the scum of the society for being destroyed by the doctors. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 21, 2015 Author Share Posted May 21, 2015 Today I feel so tired. Quite a lot to do at work. I would like to do much more things like to learn for getting licences in order to ground my own little company or looking for customers, but with such harmful thoughts I just dont feel to do that. I am always listening if I dont hear voices or try to catch myself if this harming feeling is not going worse, and than very often I get panic attack if it did get worse. When I informed my friends that if the intrusive thoughts are going worse, I would like to live rather in the forest, they meant this possibility I can also forget because I would not survive there. I dont know if it is true. If I could choose I would rather live somewhere in the forest in Amazonas with Mexicans than in Austrian forest. In Austrian forests live only homeless people. And I dont want to risk to be raped somewhere. Even who would want me, but I think for homeless they take everything, mainly that it is woman. So I still dont know what to do. I think I will just try to survive like till now. Maybe I will really start to work to get these licences, because if the children live with me or not, I could provide a better life for them. For me I think I would not have anymore life at all. I get back to work. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Dear Martina, I think it might be the best for you if you don't share the problem with your intrusive thoughts with people who might not understand - such as your friends. I understand very well because I know the true nature of these thoughts, I have them myself (I have pure-O OCD and had them before meds too) and I'm educated about OCD. But many people aren't and might upset you and cause you greater distress with their ignorant comments. I know it has happened to me in the past when I tried to talk to friends about my intrusive thoughts. People who don't know about OCD simply don't understand. These thoughts are only thoughts and nothing more. You will not act on them. The very fact that you find them so distressing is proof of that. You will not harm anybody and you are not mentally ill. You are a nice person and not "scum". These are just thoughts, they are not you, they are not your real thoughts. It's OCD brought on by withdrawal. Find a therapist who works with OCD. I think that's your best bet. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 21, 2015 Author Share Posted May 21, 2015 Bluebalu, it is just I want them away. I dont want to have OCD - with or without withdrawal. I can not imagine life with OCD. I have just to hold on the fact that they must go away. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 They will go away because they are chemically induced, but you have to find some way to cope with them while they are occurring. That's why I suggested the OCD therapist. They way you would deal with them is the same regardless of what's causing them - OCD or withdrawal. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
AliG Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Hi Martina, I agree with Blue, they will eventually go away. I wish the best for you, and hope that you have a window very soon. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 23, 2015 Author Share Posted May 23, 2015 I am singing out all my withdrawal pain by karaoke, I like singing La Isla Bonita, then I can imagine the time when I was healthy and somewhere by the see 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 That made me smile xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 I started again tapering till 35 mg. I am not sure if it is the right decision, as I am still symptomatic, but thought that this harm OCD will surely first go away when I am on zero. So I wanted to help a bit. If it does not function I will make a pause. I dont know if it is right, I think not, but I did it. In other things, I feel like many people here, that the suicide would be the best option. I am still afraid of these bad thoughts, and of my brain now. All my friends say, 7 months is still too less time, that most probably my body still needs time to repair itself, but that they are sure it will repair itself. They offered me to install by me Karaoke, because singing & dancing helps me a lot with distraction. But even in this case, it is very hard for me to fight for any every-day achievements, like before, for example that I am better in my job. Actually, I feel a bit that the society betrayed me with this giving of harmful drugs, and therefore I dont know if I should consider it achievement to get better in my job as this is something which is good for the same society. I was thinking about this psychologist which told me that it is cowardly to make suicide. But I agree with her that if I try it that it should be made properly. How I know myself, if I would try it, I would do it so badly that I will end again on the psychiatry. But I also want to be a safe person for other people. I dont know. I think I will continue living from day to day hoping that there comes a change quickly. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 I have a question on every women which have experience with washing white linen. I am trying to wash white linen at the moment, especially children clothes, and almost everywhere stayed flecks. I am afraid that they will again shout with me in the nursery that there are stains. Does anyone have experience what to do that the linen is really white? I dont want to buy always new clothes only that I am not ashamed. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Frustrated Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I usually do not buy anything white for the little one because I know she will ruin it. But when she does stain things I always oxy clean spray before it goes into the washing machine. That stuff scrubbed into the stain will usually get it out before you wash it. Hopefully they sell it there. It is an oxygen activated cleaner, and it kind of bubbles like peroxide when you spray it on. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 Thank you Frustrated, I will check if they sell it here. It is quite a help, because I am not very skillful in these things, and using only washing powder does not help. I hope you are feeling already better. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 So sorry you are thinking like this..it's just crap. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
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