Martina23 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 Today I was so down that I did not go to the work, I went to the church instead. Now I am strolling in the city. Actually it did help. I bought magnesium and fish oil, and I will try it today. I can start to do exercises, also start drawing and a also a lot of praying. And just to see what comes next. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 Please, I would wish that someone tells me some nice words, this situation with these intrusive thoughts is for me very hard, please I would need reassurance now very much ... 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I liked your post before Martina. Think it's great you are doing all that. Sending love to you xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Frustrated Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I will pray for you Martina. These intrusive thoughts are so horrible and scary. I am suffering too right now. I hope you find some relief soon. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I am with you too in this pit. Will pray for you both too xxxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Martina23 Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 For everybody is everything so sure. Now by "Lyrica Survivors" they told me it is selfexplanatory that I feel depression and intrusive thoughts when tapering of Lyrica because Lyrica is numbing the brain. It comes me everybody knows everything but when it comes to it that they tell you how to come out noone knows. I dont want to have scientific articles how the Lyrica works in brain, this is not important to me. Important is that before everything functioned and now I can throw myself in the water because nothing functions. I have it quite enough people who know everything and when you look nearer you see that they know nothing. How can I have now harming thoughts when I did not have them before? And why doesnt it go away? Should I really stay like this? I can manage it like this. I would need some warm words, but only such that are really true. I am afraid that I could not take care of my children anymore. I dont want to be a bad mother, but my body does not do anything. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
AliG Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Praying for you, Martina. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Martina23 Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 Thank you AliG. And sorry, if I was rude to you for your PM. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
AliG Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 No, you were not. I'm sorry if I upset you. I only mean to help. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Pugknows Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I'm praying for you too, Martina. I turn to God for love and healing. Nothing else seems to help me. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 Thank you Pug, I hope that you are feeling better than me. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Pugknows Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I am plagued with intrusive thoughts as well. They really ramp up symptoms. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 Pug, do you have a feeling that something go better by you? Because by me it is still the same and my mother makes such stupid comments that she is now taking care of my children 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Pugknows Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I'm not any better since the beginning. A bit worse, actually. Unhelpful comments from your mother don't help. So sorry you have to endure this. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted April 15, 2015 Author Share Posted April 15, 2015 I left this group "Lyrica survivors". There were only people which wanted to make business on the people´s pain and also they told me that the body can not heal if the Lyrica is not completely out of the body. Maybe it is true but than I am asking what this whole holding worth is. And also my children that they are away. I dont know, it is for me hard to believe, and I think they were also not so competent there. This everything is for crying, really. And the most that this Lyrica destroyed totally my head. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 Skyler was right, today in the morning my symptom were quite tolerable, after two coffees and one in the work, my symptoms are over the roof, I think I have to abstain from the coffee for a little while. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 I think, I am again in the black hole depression, there is so much sadness inside me, that I am not even able to move. Everything whispers inside me "suicide", and there are everywhere only intrusive thoughts. I wish I was dead. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 I feel so useless on the world. I would like to cry. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Muddles Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 I am exactly the same....it is torture when we know this is not us....I'm sorry. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Frustrated Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 So sorry you are feeling this way. I am very hopeless this week too. Nothing ever changes and that is disheartening. I will pray for you. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted April 16, 2015 Moderator Share Posted April 16, 2015 Going through WD is a very personal experience. One that requires the rest of the world and most of ones life be put on hold. But it is the only way it can be done. The body and mind don't have the capabilities to maintain and heal with out shutting down to the bare necessities of life. This means focusing inward as much as possible. There are certain obligations that need to be meant if possible, food, shelter, patenting (to the extent possible), but the survival and healing of the individual must take presidents over everything else for the time being. Yes, it may take a couple of years, but in the scope of a lifetime it is a very short time indeed. It may be unpleasant for others to watch us go through, we didn't ask for this to happen to us, but now we have to get through it as best as we can. We have our life traumas to face and handle, watching us will be one of theirs. It's not our fault, it's not their fault, it is just the way life is. We can't protect then from life, otherwise they would not grow and learn and be able to handle other of life's situations. Sorry if this sounds harsh, it is meant to be encouraging. We've all had a real load of **** dumped on us and we are swimming as hard as we can. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Frustrated Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Amen brassmonkey! 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
btdt Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Going through WD is a very personal experience. One that requires the rest of the world and most of ones life be put on hold. But it is the only way it can be done. The body and mind don't have the capabilities to maintain and heal with out shutting down to the bare necessities of life. This means focusing inward as much as possible. There are certain obligations that need to be meant if possible, food, shelter, patenting (to the extent possible), but the survival and healing of the individual must take presidents over everything else for the time being. Yes, it may take a couple of years, but in the scope of a lifetime it is a very short time indeed. It may be unpleasant for others to watch us go through, we didn't ask for this to happen to us, but now we have to get through it as best as we can. We have our life traumas to face and handle, watching us will be one of theirs. It's not our fault, it's not their fault, it is just the way life is. We can't protect then from life, otherwise they would not grow and learn and be able to handle other of life's situations. Sorry if this sounds harsh, it is meant to be encouraging. We've all had a real load of **** dumped on us and we are swimming as hard as we can. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
AliG Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Hang on Martina, one moment at a time. Just breathe and get through today. watch "btdt's" "Bare Necessities". It will put a smile on your dial . It did for me. Do something nice for yourself today. Go for a walk, buy some flowers, have a bubblebath , listen to some beautiful music etc. Distraction can be good. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Hopefull Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Hi Martina, Since all of this has started for you, have you had any Windows? I know that you are feeling so down, but the thoughts are just thoughts and the fear is irrational. It is not you, but the WD. Are you still seeing a psychologist? I think it is great that you are exercising, and going for a walk. I really hope that you continue working with a therapist, to help you get through the rough patches. OCD can be helped with exposure therapy. Speak with your psychologist. I wish you well. DRUG HISTORY: November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction). January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey). January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering. October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg. September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed. September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised. February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 I was today by psychotherapist. Of course I heard there is nothing that helps by obsessive thoughts only medicaments. Than she asked me if I informed the office for youth about my situation. I paid again money for nothing, possibly only for more problems. I hope she can not call hospital to put me there against my will. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Hopefull Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Hi Martina, She is not the right therapist and it is obvious that she is not an OCD expert. She is a lousy therapist if she is offering you more medication that you don't need right now Search up Exposure Therapy to give you a clear idea what kind of a therapist you need to look for. Not all the therapist are trained or have the experise when dealing with OCD. That is why you need to ask, some are plain stupid .Ask your doctor if he knows a therapist for OCD. She can't have you forcefully addmitted to a psyc. hospital, against your will. You did not have OCD before meds, this will resolve in time, but until then you do need to work on conquering your fears. It is the fear that is fuelling the behavior. Do you avoid certain places, situations, because it triggers the anxiety? Do you doubt yourself, about who you are? Even when the wd symptoms subside, you should still work with psychologist, because of the traumer and the suffering this has caused you. I really hope that you can find a good psycologist that can guide you towards recovery. It is obvious that you are suffering tremendously and you would benefit from the support. I wish you well, hopefull. DRUG HISTORY: November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction). January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey). January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering. October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg. September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed. September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised. February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Hello Hopefull, thank you for everything. I do not know anything anymore. She told that the obsessive thoughts and depression can not solve by itself and that some people have it their whole life. And then even if it solves in one year, until then I can do so much harm. This is not the worst, the worst is that even when I was by her, I had these intrusive thoughts and quite violent ones. The same in the shop where I bought an ice-cream. And I am afraid that I will really become a monrster. And as a monster I will do something to my children. Even when I love my children more than anything. These doctors destroyed me whole my life, I mean, when I can not take care of my children, who would? I havent anyone. And my mother already told that I should take my children back because for her it is quite a lot and she does not manage it to take care of two children. Sorry that I threw this everything on you, but this all is for me too much. Maybe it would solve itself if I try some medicaments, but I am already afraid, if already these first destroyed me the whole brain. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ten0275 Posted April 20, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 20, 2015 martina, hi. i think your psychotherapist is unequivocally wrong. she is essentially reciting her textbook to you. hers is not the type of support you need right now. so you had the violent thoughts when you were in her presence? i used to experience the same thing. i would be talking to the therapist and have the great impulse to jump towards him and do harm. sometimes it felt as though i was literally restraining myself, holding myself back. i never acted upon a single thought or impulse. in the months and months and months i was tortured by them, i never so much as moved a muscle violently. the stress of sitting in her office probably made the feelings even more intense. that was the case for me. anything that provoked stress intensified the horror-show that was happening in my head and body. it is all gone now for me. you really have to use your logic here. and also, you may want to present your logic to her. and if she can't accept what you are saying and support you, you need to find someone else. please correct me if i am wrong, ok? martina's logic: 1. martina did not go on lyrica for psychiatric reasons 2. martina did not have harm OCD or intrusive thoughts and impulses in her past 3. martina developed intrusive thoughts and impulses when she tried to stop the lyrica 4. martina feels that despite the horrific SYMPTOM of the thinking and impulses, she does not want to act upon them. martina, i don't know how anyone with half a brain could NOT understand that what you are dealing with are symptoms. you had no pre-existing OCD and the thoughts occurred immediately following your cold turkey attempt. the evidence is all right there. that would be an awfully big coincidence, my friend. that you would just suddenly develop the most massive harm OCD at the same time you just happened to quit lyrica. this all happened the same way for me. hang in there. dave 1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞 Link to comment
Martina23 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 I find also stupid how these therapists they always ask so much about personal life. Last 3 years everywhere I was by the doctor if I had some pain or some problem, they never concentrate on real problem for example pain or bad thoughts, they always jump immediately if I am on the children alone. If I say yes, every one has immediately the diagnose. In the last three years I had to explain at minimum 20 times why I am alone, if the children´ father pays for the children and why it is all like it is. I mean, this is so much my personal concern what happened with the children father, why he does not pay the children support, when will he start and I really refuse the occusation that my pain/thoughts are only because of the father of my children. Most of these therapists know really nothing. And also I do not like to explain them such personal things, I think it is not their concern whatsoever and has nothing with the subject. These things I dont like so much. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Frustrated Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 HI Martina. Haven't spoken in awhile. I have found through all of this that doctors and psychiatrists are quite useless. They don't offer anything but more pills. They have an inability to listen, empathize or understand let alone actually help. Dave is so wise in his words. He makes a whole lot of sense. This is all happening to you as well as to the rest of us as a result of coming off these poisonous medications. The only real solution is to play the waiting game and do a whole lot of praying, and hope that our brains rewire themselves properly and start working for us rather than against us. Keep on hanging on sweetie. You are in my prayers. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 The therapist did you more harm than good, Martina. If you choose to see another doctor, please ask for one who specializes in Harm OCD/intrusive thoughts. The Lyrica you are on is contributing to your condition. You've never seemed to stabilize on the drug. Please work with Skyler or Rhiannon or someone else who is tapering this awful drug. Don't look back anymore. Please look forward and stay in the moment with God. He will never allow you to harm yourself or your children. I'll pray for you. Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Martina, it sounds like your mother wants you to take the children home. Will you be able to taper with the children at home with you? Have you told your mother your plan to taper? January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 No, my mother would like to put me on medicaments so that I am fully efficient immediately. I should taper, I do not have another choice but with the children - I am afraid, I have to find an au-pair for them and then taper down and just pray. With the children, I am so afraid that I might get some thoughts and that I will not be sane in that moment, better not to think about. But I do not have anyone where I could give them. With my mother it is so hard to speak with. And once I have to get off this Lyrica. I will taper it down, it is only this whole situation is for me very hard and I dont think that I should tell to some social office either. I dont believe them, I think they would give me only children away and me put on drugs.It would be better if I could give the children to their father for half a year but this option I dont have also. I dont know. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Frustrated Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I understand Martina, I can't get help with the kids either. My older daughter has been around to help with her daughter(I raise my 4 year old grandaughter)recently but this isn't always the case. I often have to deal with her and my other two kids on my own. It is scary when we feel we are not in our right minds. I hope you can find help soon so you can fulfill your taper plan. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Hopefull Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Hi Martina, Don't listen to your current therapist. I would strongly urge you to find an OCD specialist. Regadless whether these symptoms will go away on their own you need help so that you can take care of your kids. As I said before, it is the fear and the doubt that is reinforcing the avoidence behaviour. You need to face your fears in order to move forward. For that you need a compassionate, experienced Exposure Therapist. Mindfulness has helped me tremendously, I can not recommend it enough. Please find someone that can help you, so that you can m9ve forward in life. Don't take anymore meds. Best try to heal naturally. You are not a monster and you will not harm anyone. DRUG HISTORY: November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction). January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey). January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering. October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg. September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed. September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised. February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. Link to comment
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