Frustrated Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 I had today a complete nervous breakdown. Benny went lost outside on 1 Mai celebration. I looked for for 2 hours. I was afraid the night comes and I will never see him again. I thoughtI will kill myself. On the end the police found him. I will never say that I want something from God, he may let me ill, the most important is that gave me Benny back. OMG Martina! For 2 hours! You poor thing! 2 hours searching for my child would put me in a hospital. Thank the Lord he is ok. So sorry you experienced such a trauma. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 2, 2015 Author Share Posted May 2, 2015 Skyler, is there some manual for the withdrawal of Lyrica? Or can I use the Ashton Manual, is it also applicable for this purpose? 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted May 2, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 2, 2015 There is no manual... and the Ashton manual is for benzodiazepines, not Lyrica. And even for benzos the Ashton Manual is no panacea...and some of it is out of date. Once people's CNS is sensitized, it takes a while to settle down again. Time is the healer. This much is true across all psychotropics causing WD. Again, Lyrica and benzodiazepines are not in the same drug class, Lyrica is an anticonvulsant, and information about one is not generalizable to the other. The SA forum has information in the symptoms and self care section.. there are some tips that may be helpful. How about reading through it again to see if you can find anything that helps. I do think you might benefit from doing some reading. Have you read Robert Whitaker's Anatomy of an Epidemic? You could check to see if it's available in Italian. If you gain a better understanding of Big Pharma and how psychotropics came to be such a scourge, you may be able to advocate for yourself, and this may help you with some of the helplessness you feel. Have you seen a therapist yet? If so, was the encounter helpful? I think you feel like a victim and your life is out of control. It has to be hard, being on the forum when your first language is Italian. I'm sorry this is so difficult for you and hope today is somewhat better. I'm very glad to hear you found Benny! PS... Robert Whitaker also has a new book, Psychiatry Under the Influence: Institutional Corruption, Social Injury, and Prescriptions for Reform, which just came out one week ago. Wow, a new Whitaker book, yes! If I sound excited, I am. RW was the person who taught me where things are at, and I'm forever grateful to him for this. As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 2, 2015 Author Share Posted May 2, 2015 Skyler, my first language is Slovak, and I speak Slovak, Czech, German and English. And I do not think that my life is out of control, I asked because I try to get a bettter control of the situation I found myself in. Yes, I consider myself a victim for prescribing such a medicament and I do not find it ashaming. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 My native language is Bulgarian, but I don't think that's a problem. I understand most of what is said and discussed on the forum. Of course, if English was my native language I would've been able to express myself much better, but still - I need the forum and the support I get here. There are no Bulgarian forums like this one. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted May 2, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 2, 2015 Skyler, my first language is Slovak, and I speak Slovak, Czech, German and English. And I do not think that my life is out of control, I asked because I try to get a bettter control of the situation I found myself in. Yes, I consider myself a victim for prescribing such a medicament and I do not find it ashaming. I have to go on some errands. Will get to this when I get back. Of course you should not be ashamed. Check out Whitaker's book.. among other things, it will tell you why you should have no shame. As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 2, 2015 Author Share Posted May 2, 2015 I did finally a barbecue. We had finally a karaoke. I sang "I did it my way". I liked the text: "I have faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way" I think it is applicable also for withdrawal ... 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Brilliant! 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Did you have fun Martina? Good job! I wish I could go to a barbecue, but I live in the city and we don't have such things here. Not many opportunities for fun either. I like to go on walks with my mom to the local parks, it's nice. I wish I lived in a house and had a garden because I love nature, but I live in an apartment building and we don't have a garden, nothing close to it. Only buildings all around. The karaoke sounds nice. I love singing even tough I'm tone deaf I like to find karaoke versions of my favorite songs on youtube and just sing away. My poor neighbors lol I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted May 2, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 2, 2015 Martina.. excellent about the barbecue. So glad you were able to enjoy yourself. When I spoke about out of control (a figure of speech)... I was talking about the level of your fear. It has to be isolating and very miserable, and you seem to have difficulty stopping it once it takes off. Anxiety on steroids. I wonder if you have looked through these threads.. Neuroemotion and Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms . You might find some tips that help. I had neuroemotions for awhile, and they were miserable. What helped me the most was the completely abstaining from coffee. Are you still having that one cup a day? I can't tell you how glad I was to have stopped for that time period.. and I'm a big coffee fan. It was not easy. Skyler As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
Frustrated Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Wow you know 4 languages! That is fabulous! I only know 2. English and french. So glad to hear you made it to a barbecue. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 2, 2015 Author Share Posted May 2, 2015 Frustrated, how was the prom of your daughter? You know, I would rather not know any language and be withdrawal free. I think my head is so damaged. Today the intrusives are again over the roof. I am so sad about. But I can not ask God of anything else, he gave me already that the Benny came back.To be honest, I do not know how long I endure this until my life loses every sense for me. But the children enjoyed themselves and that is the main thing. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 ((Martina)) xxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Frustrated Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 She had a fabulous time at prom. Thx. Glad your babies had fun. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus WiggleIt Posted May 3, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 3, 2015 I know you are suffering immensely and it breaks my heart. Please know you are not alone. You sound like a wonderful mother... Your dedication to your kids is beautiful. Ever since you wrote on my thread that all you want is to be a good mother to your kids, I have been praying for your recovery. You already are a good mother to your kids. But I pray that you can fully recover so that you enjoy every second with them. *I'm not a doctor and don't give medical advice, just personal experience **Off all meds since Nov. 2014. Mentally & emotionally recovered; physically not-Dual cold turkeys off TCA & Ativan in Oct 2014. Prescribed from 2011-2014 -All meds were Rxed off-label for an autoimmune illness. It was a MISDIAGNOSIS, but I did not find out until AFTER meds caused damage. All med tapers/cold turkeys directed by doctors -Nortriptyline May 2012 - Dec 2013. Cold turkey off nortrip & cold switched to desipramine -Desipramine Jan 2014 - Oct. 29, 2014 (rapid taper/cold turkey) -Lorazepam 1 mg per night during 2011 -Lorazepam 1 mg per month in 2012 (or less) -Lorazepam on & off, Dec 2013 through Aug 2014. Didn't exceed 3x a week -Lorazepam again in Oct. 2014 to help get off of desipramine. Last dose lzpam was 1 mg, Nov. 2, 2014. Immediate paradoxical reactions to benzos after stopping TCAs -First muscle/dystonia side effects started on nortriptyline, but docs too stupid to figure it out. On desipramine, muscle tremors & rigidity worsened -Two weeks after I got off all meds, I developed full-blown TD. Tardive dystonia, dyskinesia, myoclonic jerks ALL over body, ribcage wiggles, facial tics, twitching tongue & fingers, tremors/twitches of arms, legs, cognitive impairment, throat muscles semi-paralyzed & unable to swallow solid food, brain zaps, ears ring, dizzy, everything looks too far away, insomnia, numbness & electric shocks everywhere when I try to fall asleep, jerk awake from sleep with big, gasping breaths, wake with terrors & tremors, severely depressed. NO HISTORY OF DEPRESSION, EVER. Meds CREATED it. -Month 7: hair falling out; no vision improvement; still tardive dystonia; facial & tongue tics returned -Month 8: back to acute, incl. Grand Mal seizure-like episodes. New mental torment, PGAD, worse insomnia -Month 9: tardive dystonia worse, dyskinesia returned. Unable to breathe well due to dystonia in stomach, chest, throat -Month 13: Back to acute, brain zaps back, developed eczema & stomach problems. Left leg no longer works right due to dystonia, meaning both legs now damaged -7 years off: Huge improvements, incl. improved dystonia Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 3, 2015 Author Share Posted May 3, 2015 There is nothing changing by me. Bad thoughts are making themselves comfortable.I think my body is not able to correct itself. I am really thinking to start to take some medicaments that I get my soul back. I need my love to my children and other people back. I can not start anything with the bad thoughts. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 3, 2015 Author Share Posted May 3, 2015 But thank you Wiggelt, it meant a world for me. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 3, 2015 Author Share Posted May 3, 2015 I think I can not anymore. There is so much pain on this website. Everywhere you look, only pain. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
AliG Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 There is also hope, Martina, if you look for it. Please look for that , as well. Many success stories, here. This is only temporary, and we shall get through this. Please believe, this. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 Six months over, and it is not me at all. In the evening I always peel apple pieces for the children for having something to eat something while I read a good night story. Yesterday I did it, but the whole reading I felt such an anxiety, I felt that the whole my stomach vibrates with fear. Today in the morning I got up with a hill of bad thoughts. Everybody tells me that it will disappear. But till now it comes only worse. I will go today running, this is the only thing I can still do. But this whole thing takes me my motivation for life and it is such a pity. I am only 37, I still want to live! There is so much I havent seen. I would also once like to go to Lebanon and see there this festival where the Arabic dancers dance these belly dances and the men give them money to their dekollete. I saw it once on the video casette (it was really long time ago, there were no DVDs that time) and it looked marvelous. Everywhere lights, palms, this was something special. I want to have my head ok!!! This is such a lousy life with such a bad head. The problem is that I dont want to take more medis, because I am already afraid of them, I have lost my trust in them, because I see what they did with my head. I think I have to continue working. I dont see a change any soon. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 I realize that this is the worst thing to wait for a miracle. One can put his own life on hold for 4-6 months, but not for 3 years. I was always a person who tried to solve things and then offer the time for some other new problems to come. I was satisfied with my life as it was. This is just a thing which can not be solved so easily. I dont want to be further medicated for what I did not have. The only option which stays is continue with my life as before no matter which strenght it needs and just go into situations which bring me fear. Simply to ignore the fear. And hope, that my body knows what it does and that does not betray me when I need it to work with me together the most. I think I will go also to the exposure therapy to move on. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Yes Martina, I think therapy would help you immensely. It doesn't matter if you have OCD, or the OCD was brought on by withdrawal - it helps all the same. Try to find a therapist who deals with OCD and you will find relief, I'm sure. There are also a lot of resources on how to deal with intrusive thoughts online, you can look at them. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 I am already so much looking for the summer! Somewhere on the water scooter or water skiing! I simply love it.... 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 Today I got up with the same horror show then always. I already started to make jokes about it, that the people pay so much money to see horror movies and I have a privilage to see it without cost. Then I came to the work and realized I feel so weird, so rageous. I am really starting to think about if there can not be coincidentially a double amount of Lyrica in one tablet which I took and feel so weird. Or maybe it is an allergy? I dont know. I continue in withdrawing even when I am not anymore sure of outcome 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 What dose are you on now? Lol loved your comment about waterskiing! So enthusiastic! 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 42,5 mg, but have such rage outbursts, I am so afraid of that 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 The rage will be withdrawal? 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 I dont know. But it is already six months and the intensity is the same big. Honestly, I think I dont believe anymore on withdrawal, by me it is most probably real damage. But it is alreagy egal for me. I am so much emotionally blunt, that it does not matter for me anything anymore 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 But you do enjoy things Martina? Xxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 Sometimes yes, I try to enjoy things. But when the inappropriate thoughts come, I feel somewhat "filthy". And I feel stuck in this for me "unsafe" situation, and I dont see a way out. But I will continue until it goes. I think, I try to bring myself also in order. When I looked yesterday in the mirror, I got scared. Like to make hair and buy some clothes, maybe to do an everyday sport, because in other case I dont find a way out. I feel a bit trapped, on one hand my body does nothing, on the second if I try more meds there will be only more damage. I think I will take children again somewhere for holiday, on some farm or again spa. Just to force myself to do something, and I hope that I will raise my mood also. Sometimes I feel happy, I can not lie. But before I felt happy constantly and that is the difference. And maybe that this feeling "to be not in order" is also self-limiting. I would like to go with my children for example to Italy, but with my head I just dont dare. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 I understand. Hugs xxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Yes, I used to be interested in clothes hair and make up..now I cannot be bothered..I do not like clothes like I used to..I don't find pleasure in something nice looking. But worry not, I still wear clothes! 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted May 6, 2015 Moderator Share Posted May 6, 2015 Congratulations Martina-- you have made a major break through in your recovery. Your change of attitude in the past several days shows that you are ready to start the healing process. I have been watching for it to happen for several weeks now and finally it has. This does not mean that everything is fine, there will still be a lot to go through but the new attitude will make it easier. There is a saying here that doesn't get repeated enough "the only way out is through". Believe in yourself and you will make it. ((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))) 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Cdav Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Hi Martina, I know six months seems a like a very long time if you don't have any improvements. But from what I read you have learned to cope more with your symptoms. I know this website shows a lot of pain, we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the pain and suffering we're going through. But there are success stories, and there are people whom I've seen have improved a lot. Maybe I've said this before, but you're lucky that you weren't pollydrugged, you're just withdrawing from one drug, there was no further damage done. Have you tried Inositol powder? It's a type of B vitamin that is used for OCD. It looses your bowels, but I've read articles in which it's supposed to help this condition. Maybe you could give it a try? Results take some weeks, but if you can tolerate it, maybe it's worth the shot. -Effexor 150 mgs (2001-2009). Severe withdrawal symptoms during and after tapering for 6 months. -Pristiq 50 mg (2009-2012) Tapered over a year. Worst year of my life. -Prozac 20 mg (2012) Tapered over 6 moths to ease withdrawal. Still had severe WD symptoms. - (2012-2014) Doctor tried more than 20 medications for depression and WD, leaving me hypersensitive, and in protracted withdrawal. - Most debilitating symptoms during protracted withdrawal have been deep depression, anxiety, brain zaps, fatigue, akathisia, twitching, headaches and terrible PMS. -January 2015: Started Lamictal 12.5 mg, increased to 25 mg.- Bad reaction when updosed to 50 mg. Stopped. -February 2015: Doctor tried new antidepressant Brintellix - Horrible reaction. Discontinued completely. Severe AKATHISIA started. -March 2015: Started TMS therapy (Transcranial magnetic stimulation) for severe depression. Didn't work. -July 23-August 12: Had 10 ECT sessions which took away my protracted withdrawal symptoms including: akathisia, brain zaps, muscle twitches, fatigue and depression. Stopped medications. -September 2015: Experiencing bouts of depression again and muscle twitching. -March 2016: Started 20 mg Nortryptiline for depression. It helped. -August 2016: Slowly tapering Nortryptiline. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 I dont know why, but today I feel so sad. I think it has something to do with the withdrawal. With the hopelessness. Also the work which I am doing today is kind of exhausting. Looking for a mistake made somewhere in 2014. It´s not my day. The only sunny moment today was how my children waved me after taking them to the nursery. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 Sometimes I think I dont consider the things in right way. I always concentrate on what does not fit by me. There are people where much more did not fit and they made it. I remember Julio Iglesias, after a football accident he was on wheel chair, and he managed to get up and to be a singer. I like his songs very much. And therefore I sometimes think I am losing my time to see the things from a wrong perspective. Just not to look "why it doesnt go" but rather "how it could go". No sure, my head doesnt function,but maybe it is better to concentrate how I can manage to go through it rather than its mistakes. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now