Martina23 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 I also have never been to Jerusalem. In Jordan I have been several times, when I was 20-23, I had a boyfriend from Jordan, so I spent there all vacations. There is also place where Sodom and Gomorra was, now there is a dead see. It is quite all a biblical place there. I also would like to be healed. PS. Frustrated, when you never were on vacation, you can come to Vienna for a few weeks, you can live in my apartment during the holiday also with the children, and so you will have a vacation. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 11 day on 25 mg - terrible. No positives at all. Yesterday I was so much looking for coming home to children (I bought them shoes, sweets and DVDs with Maugli), when I came home there came again such bad energy as if I hated them, intrusive thoughts all around and then I found I feel to them nothing at all. I got from that crushing depression. I honestly dont know what I live for. My brain seems to me so changed, before when I came home, I was sure I loved my children most of all and now there is nothing inside, only sadness. So that is not too less, today when I got up I again got pictures of people with knives. It seems to me that these picture originate from the same source as the other picture which I got in the past: for example a dwarf breaking legs, or fields with dead people. God, I dont know why he does not help me a bit. Instead he would let me die. How is it possible that these psychiatrists come away with such crimes? I am tired, I can not anymore. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 12 day on 25 mg - depression, agression, I feel like I am going mad. I got also inflammation of middle ear. I think it is also from withdrawal. Nevertheless, I decided to continue as planned: 1 month on 25, 1 month on 12,5, 0. I decided that if the drug kills me, I will accept it. And till I am alive, I will take care of my children even if I feel going crazy. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
AliG Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Keep on with your plan, Martina. It's just the "drugs " talking. You're doing "great". Keep up the good work. I think you're doing "fantastic". Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Fresh Posted June 18, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 18, 2015 Hi Martina , sorry that things have not improved. Did you go from 35mg to 25mg? Do you think things overall are better or worse than before you decreased 12 days ago? 1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg 2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months. July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months. Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg. October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive. March 2016 , 21mg Link to comment
Martina23 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 The window I was in before closed immediately. I start to feel like going crazy. The things went quite worse, Fresh, but I dont want reinstatement, if I die on this spot, I want from this drug already away. I have to try it once and keep it. I think the things will improve once I am on zero, and then ca 6 months. I am doing it because I dont want to have bad feeling towards my children when I come home. Now there is always a bad energy and when I tried one day totally without Lyrica it was much better. Therefore I know this is drug speaking. Fresh, I hope everything goes good with your tapering. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Fresh Posted June 18, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 18, 2015 I'm afraid for you that if you get very sick you will lose your job. I totally understand that you want to be off all meds and regain your life. Sending blessings, (my taper is going gently , thanks for asking ) 1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg 2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months. July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months. Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg. October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive. March 2016 , 21mg Link to comment
Martina23 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 I decided to take children for longer weekend to spa, it is for me the most beautiful place in Austria for holiday, there are also horses and quite a lot of meadows, and places for picking berries. And swimming all the time. I am sending the link http://www.blumau.com/de.html . There are also courses of yoga and ayurveda. I wanted that the children are happy as it is the last weekend together before they go for one month to my mother. So I wanted that we enjoy this time together. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 I think, I am getting psychotic. I get so stupid ideas about aliens. Good, that I didnt go cold turkey. But I think Jan Carol said that we can not catch schizophrenia ... Oh my God, I will never heal. Everybody got better after 8 months, only I feel still bigger crap! 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Share Posted June 19, 2015 My whole head feel inflamed. I think it goes from this hearing nerve. My ears feel like always under water. I think I had to taper to 25 mg over 40 days and not jump like this. I am awaiting what comes next. On the other note, yesterday I had a window. In the evening I found out there came a spot where I could remember how I was happy when the children were born, I felt again love to them and I found out that the harm thoughts are disappearing. They came later but it showed me that I am reaching the spot where the body can work again and hopefully heal. It would be already high time. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Yes high time..! For us all... ((Hug)) so pleased you had a glimpses of a window xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Martina23 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Share Posted June 19, 2015 Again such a bad energy when stroking Benny, I really think I will take some poison like Zyprexa in overdose, when I can not be normal anymore, 8 months and I still have such urges, that is not normal. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted June 19, 2015 Moderator Share Posted June 19, 2015 Hi Martina-- please go back and read posts 697 and 699. You made them 6 hours apart. Changes in thoughts that happen this fast are not you, they are caused by the drugs. Believe the good ones and remember them, but pay no attention to the bad ones. If your head is feeling that bad from the ear problem it might be a good idea to have a doctor look at it. You have been doing a lot of swimming lately and that is a good way to get an ear infection. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Martina23 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Share Posted June 19, 2015 Brassmonkey, thank you for your posts. It is just the same sh*tty already for 8 months. Always violent intrusive thoughts, stupid pictures and bad thoughts towards the children. Even if I know I love them. By me there comes no healing. I would accept everything only not to have bad thoughts to my own children. I feel tired. I dont want always to have pictures how I am harming the people. Why should I harm them.This is everything such a sh*t. I have to go because my daughter grabbed the room telephone and is calling somewhere, so that I dont get a big telephone account. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 14 day - I did not take any Lyrica, as I am so much scared of these bad pictures and thoughts that I was afraid to take it. I am not a human anymore. I just want to die. I dont want to have thoughts to make my children or other people something bad. And by me it is permanent. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 When I read the abstract of this Anatomy of epidemic, I feel even more worse. They write that the drugs cause perturbances in brain that may be irreversible. I have the blackiest day of my life. I dont want to die on psychiatry. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 I am afraid, should I do cold turkey? If I am now on 25 mg, is the risk too high? Please could also someone advise me who would be for it not only against it? I just need that the body gets a chance to heal, my symptoms are horrible. Please. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Martina I understand how terrifying intrusive thoughts and harm OCD are. I had them repeatedly and that is why I was put on medication in the first place. You need to understand something though. However bad you think your symptoms are now, nothing will come close to what you will experience if you cold turkey. It will be hell like you could have never imagined. You will be incapacitated, lose your job, and be unable to care for your children. I cold turkeyed off a lower dose than you are on Lyrica and I almost lost my life. Don't. Do. It. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 Thank you jwtbf. The saddest on it is that I would have a courage to do it, I asked my friends if they would give me shelter for 1-2 months if it goes very bad, but they did not look so happy. It is very hard to withdraw without good friends and with two children. If I have to tapper so long, I will end on drugs. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Martina, I also want to do a CT off of the antipsychotic I'm on because it's old and dangerous and can cause permanent irreversible neurological damage to me. But I'm not doing it because everyone is against cold turkey and as bad as things are right now, they can always get (a lot) worse. CT is dangerous and you have a job to keep and children to look after. I don't have those and I'm still not doing the CT because of fear of how terribly I might suffer. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Hopefull Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Martina, Don't quit cold turkey, as temting as it is. Tapper slowly. Your intrusive thoughts can get worse. You have intrusive toughts as a result of wd from Lyrica. If you cold turkey, you will make your self even more sick. Best wishes, hopefull. DRUG HISTORY: November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction). January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey). January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering. October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg. September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed. September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised. February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 15 day at 25 mg - I took the Lyrica again as everyone said and literally died. Now I dont have motivation to do anything. I want only to die. I dont want anymore to go off the drugs. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Martina23 Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 16 day at 25 mg - I took today again 25 mg. I feel sick of it. I almost started vomitting when I swallowed the pill. There is already such a deep hate to these pills, that I feel unwell even when I look at them. I know I should taper them down but this one day when I was without them, I found that underneath there is still my old personality, loving and caring and inbetween the damaged places which manifest themselves as intrusive thoughts. With my personality I was at once sure I dont have schizophrenia and that I can rely on brain and that I would not do the children any harm. That these instrusive thoughts are only something to heal. It was for the first time I could again approach my children and we cuddled and I felt passion for once visiting New York and other my dreams. Then I had to take Lyrica again. There was no possibility to approach my children anymore. I feel like emotional zombie, who does not have emotion and if has then these are negative ones. When I looked at the children there are only intrusive thoughts about the most brutal things. Till I have to taper this Lyrica, I am afraid to alone at home with the children. I decided I will not be on my thread for a while. I have quite a hard time with all these intrusive thoughts , I am quite overwhelmed with them, then I feel self-loathing, this situation is for me too much. I think till I taper off this medicament, my life has no value. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Aww Martina, Your life has great value, you just can't see it just now. Hugs and love xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
AliG Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Hang on, Martina. Your thinking is just "clouded" at the moment. Your life does have great value, Particularly , for your children. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Cdav Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Hi Martina, I understand how you feel. It's horrible. The worst part is how long this takes. I know. But your life has a lot of value, with or without Withdrawal, with or without pills. You are still you, your children love you and need you. You will be yourself again. If you need to take some time off the threads, that can be good too. Last month I had to do that because it had become too overwhelming reading other people suffering when I'm suffering as well. So if you need you need time, off the computer, that is okay too. Hugs -Effexor 150 mgs (2001-2009). Severe withdrawal symptoms during and after tapering for 6 months. -Pristiq 50 mg (2009-2012) Tapered over a year. Worst year of my life. -Prozac 20 mg (2012) Tapered over 6 moths to ease withdrawal. Still had severe WD symptoms. - (2012-2014) Doctor tried more than 20 medications for depression and WD, leaving me hypersensitive, and in protracted withdrawal. - Most debilitating symptoms during protracted withdrawal have been deep depression, anxiety, brain zaps, fatigue, akathisia, twitching, headaches and terrible PMS. -January 2015: Started Lamictal 12.5 mg, increased to 25 mg.- Bad reaction when updosed to 50 mg. Stopped. -February 2015: Doctor tried new antidepressant Brintellix - Horrible reaction. Discontinued completely. Severe AKATHISIA started. -March 2015: Started TMS therapy (Transcranial magnetic stimulation) for severe depression. Didn't work. -July 23-August 12: Had 10 ECT sessions which took away my protracted withdrawal symptoms including: akathisia, brain zaps, muscle twitches, fatigue and depression. Stopped medications. -September 2015: Experiencing bouts of depression again and muscle twitching. -March 2016: Started 20 mg Nortryptiline for depression. It helped. -August 2016: Slowly tapering Nortryptiline. Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Martina, where are you? Are you OK? I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
roadback1 Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Martina, I know you aren't going to be on the forum and/or posting for awhile. Just wanted to let you know that you are missed. I hope things are settling down for you while you are away. Best wishes, Roadback **I started taking Zoloft 100 mg. in 1996 for a panic disorder with agoraphobia and depression, which worsened after a car accident. I have had these symptoms since age 11 . ** In September 2009 , the Zoloft was upped to 150 mg and .5 mg Xanax was added as needed for extreme anxiety due to my Father's illness and death from cancer. Successfully tapered off the Xanax in November 2009. ** I started my Zoloft taper in September 2011,and,in July 2012, reached 75 mgs.(went to 68.5 mgs,but went back up to 75mgs due to withdrawal related depression /anxiety symptoms . ** I started tapering again in September 2014 ,and, as of December,2014, I was holding at 50 mgs. Zoloft until February,2015, when I tapered in two cuts to 37.5 mgs. Due to protracted withdrawal symptoms, have up dosed to 50 mgs. Zoloft on 5/18/2015 and holding there. **Also started .25 mgs xanax at bedtime in September,2015, due to alerting/jolting awake/anxiety and not sleeping because of heart related issues,now resolved.I tapered completely off in Oct. 2015 (too fast ) had withdrawal symptoms and updosed to .12 mgs Xanax once a night. ** After dry cutting till I couldn't do it accurately, I have been on compounded doses. Am on 0.069 mgs compounded Xanax as of 6/21/17 once per night, as prescribed by my Doctor. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 I haven´t been on the forum for a while. I had to look for my thread quite very long.-). I hope everyone is well, full of positive energy and no symptoms at all. I stopped taking Lyrica completely 2 months and 1 week ago, and now I am struggling and waiting how the things would develop. My thoughts are still not so optimal (at least some of them) but till now I haven´t had any psychosis. But sure it may also come :-). So let´s see. Martina 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Hi Martina, it's GREAT to see you back I've been thinking about you. We all have. Good to have you back. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
melanie Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I haven´t been on the forum for a while. I had to look for my thread quite very long.-). I hope everyone is well, full of positive energy and no symptoms at all. I stopped taking Lyrica completely 2 months and 1 week ago, and now I am struggling and waiting how the things would develop. My thoughts are still not so optimal (at least some of them) but till now I haven´t had any psychosis. But sure it may also come :-). So let´s see. Martina Hello Martina, I am so happy for you getting off Lyrica. You're a beautiful, strong, young woman. I guess it's you in the picture? I quit Lyrica CT in Autumn last year. I went as high as 300 mg a day. But I had the benzos. Lyrica is similar to benzos, but they are worse. Great to hear you are off Lyrica. I'm wondering why they gave it to you in the first place. I used it for sleep. You know, I have personally known two young women, who wanted to hurt their own children with a knife. One was with me in hospital, treated for neurosis, under the care of the greatest expert on OCD in my country. If you were from my country, I would give you the name of the professor who treated me. Unfortunately, you are not. IMO, and it's a far-fetched hypothesis - you've got OCD in its purest form. I have been suffering from OCD (rituals, not thoughts), since 1990. Right now, it has made me completely non-functional. I wash my hands fifty times a day and have other rituals such as hoarding, not touching things cause they're dirty etc. I very much feel for you, the hell you are going through. You must find a good psychiatrist who will diagnose you properly. You don't have to take the drugs they propose. Are you familiar with ICD? There were 3 drugs that helped my OCD, in that order: Anafranil, Prozac, Zoloft. There is also Luvox for OCD. But these drugs also destroyed me. You can read about what they do to ppl - on this very site. When I took Anafranil in the years 1990-1992, I was absolutely non-functional. There is also therapy, and that's the best solution, you must undertake it. Read on the subject. You are young and precious, too much to waste. And your kids. You simply love them too much. Sending you links, I thought about buying this book. Right now I'm in such a mental shape that i'm barely able to read. You CAN reframe that OCD cognitively, I'm sure. If it's OCD, but from 25 yrs perspective on OCD I think it might be that. I'll send the links in the separate post, afraid my post disappears. Maybe that book would help... Think about the 4 steps method. I've been thinking about it constantly. It's in the Wikipedia link. Love and healing to you, Mel 1990-1992 Anafranil. OCD under control, extreme social phobia. Hospitalized for the 1st and 2nd time (out of 3). 1999-2002: Prozac 20 mg. Stopped due to severe anxiety. Increased benzo consumption. 2003-2005: AD free (therapy). Feeling good, started working. Persisted 9 yrs in full-time job. 2005-2007: Ixel (milnacipran). SNRI. 2007-2011: Lexapro 10-15 mg. Fatigue and anxiety. Mania. Insomnia. Acne. Shopoholism. Polydrugging with different meds. 2011-2013: Effexor 37,5-150 mg (mostly 75 mg). SNRI. Fatigue and depression, terrible acne with scars, now gone. April 2013: Wellbutrin 150 mg. Hot flashes, extreme appetite, aggression. May 2013 - May 2014: Prozac - from 10 mg to 0 mg, very harsh taper. Functioning great but EXTREME ANXIETY. From May 2014: tried different ADs to replace Prozac, nothing worked, terrible side effects (Seroxat, Zoloft, Luvox, Brintellix, Doxepin, Trazodone). May 2014 back to benzos (Valium) in hope of improvement, aggravated depression and anxiety. Sept. 2014: Lexapro 2,5 mg, highest dose 5 mg for 1,5 months (Spring 2015). Steady decline, anxiety, fatigue. Diagnosed with OCD, dysthymia, social phobia, anxiety disorder, insomnia, eating disorder (first bulimia, then anorexia). Current meds: Seroquel 6,25 mg for sleep - 5 mg since Nov. 5, 2015. Lexapro 1,25 mg since Aug. 4th 2015. Valium, Ambien prn, tapering. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9984-melanie-should-i-reinstate-lexapro/ Link to comment
melanie Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Here are the links: https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/but-i-love-my-kids/ https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeffrey_M._Schwartz http://www.amazon.co.uk/Brain-Lock-Yourself-Obsessive-Compulsive-Behavior/dp/0060987111 Think about the 4 steps method, you're in my thoughts... x 1990-1992 Anafranil. OCD under control, extreme social phobia. Hospitalized for the 1st and 2nd time (out of 3). 1999-2002: Prozac 20 mg. Stopped due to severe anxiety. Increased benzo consumption. 2003-2005: AD free (therapy). Feeling good, started working. Persisted 9 yrs in full-time job. 2005-2007: Ixel (milnacipran). SNRI. 2007-2011: Lexapro 10-15 mg. Fatigue and anxiety. Mania. Insomnia. Acne. Shopoholism. Polydrugging with different meds. 2011-2013: Effexor 37,5-150 mg (mostly 75 mg). SNRI. Fatigue and depression, terrible acne with scars, now gone. April 2013: Wellbutrin 150 mg. Hot flashes, extreme appetite, aggression. May 2013 - May 2014: Prozac - from 10 mg to 0 mg, very harsh taper. Functioning great but EXTREME ANXIETY. From May 2014: tried different ADs to replace Prozac, nothing worked, terrible side effects (Seroxat, Zoloft, Luvox, Brintellix, Doxepin, Trazodone). May 2014 back to benzos (Valium) in hope of improvement, aggravated depression and anxiety. Sept. 2014: Lexapro 2,5 mg, highest dose 5 mg for 1,5 months (Spring 2015). Steady decline, anxiety, fatigue. Diagnosed with OCD, dysthymia, social phobia, anxiety disorder, insomnia, eating disorder (first bulimia, then anorexia). Current meds: Seroquel 6,25 mg for sleep - 5 mg since Nov. 5, 2015. Lexapro 1,25 mg since Aug. 4th 2015. Valium, Ambien prn, tapering. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9984-melanie-should-i-reinstate-lexapro/ Link to comment
Hopefull Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Hi Martina, Welcome back. I have been thinking about how you have been. I hope that you are doing a bit better than 2 months ago. Best wishes, Hopefull. DRUG HISTORY: November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction). January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey). January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering. October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg. September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed. September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised. February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 Hi Melanie, Hi Hopefull, yes, it might been I got OCD in its purest form from these drugs. I still pray that it goes away. There was one man on benzo forum, who said that it took him 22 months for the thoughts to go away. He had morbid violent thoughts. He recommended distraction. I pray that these thoughts will go away, in other case I dont want really to live. I dont like living with OCD. I dont take any drugs now. I will not take them even in the future, if I can help it. It is terrible tragedy which happened not only to me but also to many people here, to have brain which we dont recognize anymore. But I dont think I might hurt my children now. I still get the thoughts but the intensity and fear from them now is much less than it used to be through the tapering. My children are all I have. I could never imagine to do them something. I still believe that the body can revert it. Yesterday I found I lost one kilo after I stopped with lyrica. Still two kilos more and I will be on my former weight. I did not keep any diet. Therefore I really think that the body moves the direction to his previous state (if it happens with the weight, it has to happen also with the thoughts), it takes only too long. I dont think that it is really withdrawal what is happening to us all. It can not be that the body changes so quickly to the presence of the drug, but needs so long time to revert the changes. I more believe that these drungs do damage to the brain and the nerves and connections need years to regrow. I did not want to take these drugs, but the doctors told me there is nothing to be afraid, Lyrica is neither antidepressant nor addictive. I wish I did not take it. For me the whole this time is really struggling. But I know I can not live with drugs, I always lived drug free. Therefore I will continue this way even if it takes 10 years. I can only hope that my body can solve the issue and I dont have to suffer indefinetly. Much love Martina 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 (((Martina)) you'll get there. I think it's a great sign that the intensity of the fear is going away. Xxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Martina23 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 Loveandlight, thank you very much. I know you are also suffering quite a lot. I would so much like to help you, but by me the progress is also so slow, if I have any. Till now I found out that only two things are really helping me: a) sport and orange juice which is anti-inflammatory. I find sport helps very much against anxiety and depression, as it is a natural antidepressant. Now I can not go running because I have at home children but now we will move to a new flat, so I have to pack everything and tidy up, so it is quite a lot of sport. I am quite afraid of these things which have to be repaired before submitting the old flat: like to change the bulbs and check if the water tap is functioning. I am totally an untechnical type, but I have to get my deposit back as I dont have so much money anymore. So this will be again challenge ... I can not imagine myself repairing water tap ... 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now