The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

[Yesyes123]

I love you guys, hope you all are healing.

[Phoenixmama]

We love you too @Yesyes123 sending you love ❤️ light 🌞 and hopefully a window 💫

[Katy398]

I’ve just put this on my introduction post but thought I’d put it here too. 

Why does stress induce waves?

And why does the wave have to continue way after the stress has gone away.  I have to say that at 31 months drug free I’m finding  it hard to be optimistic about healing. Take care everyone. 🧡

[Kewlbeanz]

It's just unreal that an extremely small dose reduction can cause these symptoms. Right now I'm sitting with a sour mouth, mild headache, pins and needles through my body and a queasy stomach. 

[Estman]

Yes, it seems that even a small change can trigger a wave
I currently have severe anxiety, fear and hopelessness, I wake up several times at night and each time with great anxiety
Although 38 days have passed since the last reduction (reduced by 7%)
In the meantime, it was more or less normal, and then suddenly 8 days ago - a crash
Usually I've reduced it every 35 days, I don't know what now suddenly so affected.
Maybe it was affected by the hot weather
The wave began with major depression and then suddenly severe abdominal pain-gas and nausea
Then strong compulsions arose, eyes watery and swollen
Usually all of these symptoms are gone within a month and after that are relatively normal.
Waves can still occur very unexpectedly and many times
I hope it passes, though

[Jadenatalie]

Hey, i've been off my meds fully for 4 months now, i have had a windows and waves pattern since the start which my waves were obviously longer than the windows. But my waves would typically last upto 2 weeks. I am currently in a wave that has lasted 5 weeks, is this normal or should i be concerned about something else going on? Oh and the current wave is new/different symptoms! 

 

thank you for reading x

[Yesyes123]

12 hours ago, Jadenatalie said:

Hey, i've been off my meds fully for 4 months now, i have had a windows and waves pattern since the start which my waves were obviously longer than the windows. But my waves would typically last upto 2 weeks. I am currently in a wave that has lasted 5 weeks, is this normal or should i be concerned about something else going on? Oh and the current wave is new/different symptoms! 

 

thank you for reading x

 

You could possibly consider and research about doing a small dose reinstatement

[Tweet]

I did this. Very tiring but normal.

Stick with it. It may happen again but gradually get shorter each time.

 I would feel great for awhile and then get slammed with this. Here is where your determination can make a huge difference. 

Just focus on your PROGRESS overall and think about where you were a couple of months ago and you will SEE things are getting better. 

Like me one day you WILL be enjoying life again and the more determined and un-intimidated you are at these times the sooner that day will come!

[persistente]

18 hours ago, Jadenatalie said:

Hey, i've been off my meds fully for 4 months now, i have had a windows and waves pattern since the start which my waves were obviously longer than the windows. But my waves would typically last upto 2 weeks. I am currently in a wave that has lasted 5 weeks, is this normal or should i be concerned about something else going on? Oh and the current wave is new/different symptoms! 

 

thank you for reading x

No need to be concerned. When in wave, I am always concerned that it is something else but it has always turned out to be a wave. Accept that everything is normal in wd. Because nothing is.

[Jadenatalie]

6 hours ago, Yesyes123 said:

 

You could possibly consider and research about doing a small dose reinstatement

Hey, @Yesyes123 I wouldn't consider reinstating at the moment unfortunately as the med I was on originally pooped out and then the others I tried gave me horrific side effects. My GP also doesn't believe in ssri withdrawal or tapering etc. I think I'll have to suffer it for as long as it takes, I just wanted to know whether longer waves were normal x

[Jadenatalie]

1 hour ago, persistente said:

No need to be concerned. When in wave, I am always concerned that it is something else but it has always turned out to be a wave. Accept that everything is normal in wd. Because nothing is.

Hey @persistente thanks for your comment. I know, whilst you're in a wave everything seems so wrong and bad! Feel like my body is about to fall apart any moment! I have already had a few tests done at my gp which were all normal but this withdrawal plays tricks on you doesn't it x

[Jadenatalie]

3 hours ago, Tweet said:

I did this. Very tiring but normal.

Stick with it. It may happen again but gradually get shorter each time.

 I would feel great for awhile and then get slammed with this. Here is where your determination can make a huge difference. 

Just focus on your PROGRESS overall and think about where you were a couple of months ago and you will SEE things are getting better. 

Like me one day you WILL be enjoying life again and the more determined and un-intimidated you are at these times the sooner that day will come!

Hey @Tweet thanks for your reply. God its terrible how withdrawal warps your mind! I hope I'm not going to have a wave this long again in the future but if I do I'll know it's normal anyway. The only time I feel any tiny bit of normality at the moment is on an evening for an hour or so, but that's not every evening either.

 

I'm determined to keep pushing forward and carry on for my own sanity and health but also for my partner and my little boy who are rooting for me so much! I've made it 4 months already I need to keep going 😊 thank you for your comment it's spurred me on and I'm glad you're feeling much better since your withdrawal xx

[Estman]

I'm still in the wave right now and it seems like it never ends
The hope is given by the knowledge that others have gone through it, and it will not remain so forever.
Seizures of anxiety and depression alternate constantly.
When you wake up in the morning, there is hopelessness
I reduced my dose by 7% 40 days ago and this is the second heaviest wave

[Tweet]

20 hours ago, Jadenatalie said:

Hey @Tweet thanks for your reply. God its terrible how withdrawal warps your mind! I hope I'm not going to have a wave this long again in the future but if I do I'll know it's normal anyway. The only time I feel any tiny bit of normality at the moment is on an evening for an hour or so, but that's not every evening either.

 

I'm determined to keep pushing forward and carry on for my own sanity and health but also for my partner and my little boy who are rooting for me so much! I've made it 4 months already I need to keep going 😊 thank you for your comment it's spurred me on and I'm glad you're feeling much better since your withdrawal xx

It's going to be probably the hardest thing you've ever even dreamed of doing but so glad you have that great support.😊 When you feel you can't go on for yourself then do it for them!

You will have strength you never knew was in you. 

Those little moments of normality can sustain you if you remember in the waves that sooner or later another one a better one, will come. And it WILL. ❤️

[Jadenatalie]

4 hours ago, Tweet said:

It's going to be probably the hardest thing you've ever even dreamed of doing but so glad you have that great support.😊 When you feel you can't go on for yourself then do it for them!

You will have strength you never knew was in you. 

Those little moments of normality can sustain you if you remember in the waves that sooner or later another one a better one, will come. And it WILL. ❤️

@Tweet thank you so much. Hoping I can come back in a few months time with some good news and progress 😊💕 xxx

[InChristAlone]

I believe I experienced my first true window a few days ago. I have been in a wave for a couple weeks, but after lunch and until I went to bed I felt the best I have felt in forever. I felt so good I almost felt guilty. I was thinking I’m probably going to pay for this, but I feel so good I don’t care. Previously, what I considered a window was days where I didn’t feel miserable, and functioned pretty well. 
 

I am still tapering, but does anybody have an experience similar to this? Did you eventually have more of this “true window” experiences.  It really was a beautiful 7 or 8 hours for me. Then, the next day I felt terrible and have been slowly getting back to the point where I don’t feel miserable. 

[Nevertoolate]

I'm so happy for you ❤ isn't it the best feeling! 

Nothing but up for you. Treasure the windows no matter how brief and in the waves repeat this mantra "this too shall pass" because it will!

🐬🐞🐝🏵🌹🌴🌝⭐

[Tweet]

Absolutely! When I had that I would stay up as late as possible because I just didn't want the day to end it felt so good to feel actually great! And then the next day I would be back in the wave. 

So glad this is happening for you because it is totally normal and such a wonderful relief as well!

[Cheeky]

Hey lovely people,

just a question, I’ve found that I may have a really good  day no  symptoms and then the next day  back in a wave . It’s like when I’m better I think I’m coming out of it then the next I’m feeling it will never end. Someone’s it can  change between hours. Is this normal ? Just feeling horrid now and makes me think  I have brain  damage

[Rusty1]

44 minutes ago, Cheeky said:

Hey lovely people,

just a question, I’ve found that I may have a really good  day no  symptoms and then the next day  back in a wave . It’s like when I’m better I think I’m coming out of it then the next I’m feeling it will never end. Someone’s it can  change between hours. Is this normal ? Just feeling horrid now and makes me think  I have brain  damage

Have you noticed if you are having more time feeling okay vs. bad than you previously had?

 

Feeling a rollercoaster of symptoms and emotions is normal. There is not a straight line to healing. What you want to watch for is if the times feeling better gradually increase. That is a sign of healing!

 

Either way, try not to worry too much. You know what is causing it and unfortunately the path to getting better is riding all these waves.

[Cheeky]

1 minute ago, Rusty1 said:

Have you noticed if you are having more time feeling okay vs. bad than you previously had?

 

Feeling a rollercoaster of symptoms and emotions is normal. There is not a straight line to healing. What you want to watch for is if the times feeling better gradually increase. That is a sign of healing!

 

Either way, try not to worry too much. You know what is causing it and unfortunately the path to getting better is riding all these waves.

@Rusty1 it’s hard to say, out of these ten days I’ve had 5 good ones and 5 not good , but on the bad days it tends to shift from being bad during the day and feeling good at night. I know the last drop was 18% and I think it cought up to me but then I think how long will this last and is it a wave ?

[Rusty1]

2 minutes ago, Cheeky said:

@Rusty1 it’s hard to say, out of these ten days I’ve had 5 good ones and 5 not good , but on the bad days it tends to shift from being bad during the day and feeling good at night. I know the last drop was 18% and I think it cought up to me but then I think how long will this last and is it a wave ?

It is good to keep track so you can look back and see how you were doing previously. We are creatures of the moment and we are suffering now we forget how we may have been suffering worse before. 

 

You pattern seems pretty normal. Our bodies relax at night and our cortisol calms down so we often feel better than. During the day our cortisol can spike up and anxiety can naturally be higher so many report feeling worse then.

 

Your body has been through a lot with the drop and other stressors...I know it is frustrating but progress is often slow and remember there is no reason why if you keep things stable now you shouldnt make progress.

 

 

[Cheeky]

1 minute ago, Rusty1 said:

It is good to keep track so you can look back and see how you were doing previously. We are creatures of the moment and we are suffering now we forget how we may have been suffering worse before. 

 

You pattern seems pretty normal. Our bodies relax at night and our cortisol calms down so we often feel better than. During the day our cortisol can spike up and anxiety can naturally be higher so many report feeling worse then.

 

Your body has been through a lot with the drop and other stressors...I know it is frustrating but progress is often slow and remember there is no reason why if you keep things stable now you shouldnt make progress.

 

 

Yeah I just to keep that In mind, thankyou for always replying to me it really give me strength 

[Tweet]

1 hour ago, Cheeky said:

Hey lovely people,

just a question, I’ve found that I may have a really good  day no  symptoms and then the next day  back in a wave . It’s like when I’m better I think I’m coming out of it then the next I’m feeling it will never end. Someone’s it can  change between hours. Is this normal ? Just feeling horrid now and makes me think  I have brain  damage

This is so normal. And yes, your brain is likely not at it's best right now. It is likely confused and trying to get equilibrium. I love what Rusty said about looking back to see progress. That's the way to stay hopeful. Also don't get into worries about the future. You really don't know how long this will last or even how tomorrow will be.  So why worry. Focus on this day of healing and if you have to look somewhere look back and you'll see progress.

You're on your way to a better life, Cheeky. 🙂

[Cheeky]

1 minute ago, Tweet said:

This is so normal. And yes, your brain is likely not at it's best right now. It is likely confused and trying to get equilibrium. I love what Rusty said about looking back to see progress. That's the way to stay hopeful. Also don't get into worries about the future. You really don't know how long this will last or even how tomorrow will be.  So why worry. Focus on this day of healing and if you have to look somewhere look back and you'll see progress.

You're on your way to a better life, Cheeky. 🙂

Thankyou, I just hope tomorrow is a better day, I’m just trying to get through this one.

[BfromNJ]

12 hours ago, Cheeky said:

@Rusty1 it’s hard to say, out of these ten days I’ve had 5 good ones and 5 not good , but on the bad days it tends to shift from being bad during the day and feeling good at night. I know the last drop was 18% and I think it cought up to me but then I think how long will this last and is it a wave ?

I have the same type of pattern.  Alternating bad and good days .  And feeling bad during day and good at night.  It's so frustrating when you have a window and think you are better.  I hate the uncertainty.  I wonder myself if its because cortisol is higher earlier in the am and day, then declines in the evening. 

[Surviving82]

On 7/14/2021 at 11:16 AM, BfromNJ said:

And feeling bad during day and good at night. 

@BfromNJ, I have the same thing! I was always wondering why that is. Earlier it was like a switch turning off around 5-6PM, and I went from awful to almost normal. Then I had a 2-3 weeks window where days got almost as good as nights so the distinction between the day and night got almost non existent. Then 3 days ago I got the wave, and again I could tell that evenings are much better vs the days. I think many people on here report this. I would really like to know why this happens. I've been researching and can't really find anything that can explain it.

[BfromNJ]

2 hours ago, Surviving82 said:

@BfromNJ, I have the same thing! I was always wondering why that is. Earlier it was like a switch turning off around 5-6PM, and I went from awful to almost normal. Then I had a 2-3 weeks window where days got almost as good as nights so the distinction between the day and night got almost non existent. Then 3 days ago I got the wave, and again I could tell that evenings are much better vs the days. I think many people on here report this. I would really like to know why this happens. I've been researching and can't really find anything that can explain it.

One thing I thought of is that maybe its the drop in cortisol level throughout the day.  Since our cortisol level is highest early on and upon wakening then tapers off through the day.  Just a thought.  Then the nighttime brings on the melatonin, which maybe calms things down?

[Surviving82]

11 minutes ago, BfromNJ said:

One thing I thought of is that maybe its the drop in cortisol level throughout the day.  Since our cortisol level is highest early on and upon wakening then tapers off through the day.  Just a thought.  Then the nighttime brings on the melatonin, which maybe calms things down?

@BfromNJ, this is possible, I guess. Maybe our nervous systems in WD overreact to cortisol. And melatonin may help calm things down too. So many people report this so it can't be a coincidence. 

[Tom37]

Just wondering if anyone else has been going along pretty well for months then all of a sudden slammed into a months long wave which varies in intensity? I was going along reasonably well for 6 months and while not ‘normal’ felt reasonably ok and life wasn’t the struggle it had been. But now been in a wave for two months and wondering if I’m actually going to come out if it.

Would be great to hear that this just part of recovery.

[persistente]

Quote

On 9/1/2021 at 7:17 AM, Tom37 said:

Just wondering if anyone else has been going along pretty well for months then all of a sudden slammed into a months long wave which varies in intensity? I was going along reasonably well for 6 months and while not ‘normal’ felt reasonably ok and life wasn’t the struggle it had been. But now been in a wave for two months and wondering if I’m actually going to come out if it.

Would be great to hear that this just part of recovery.

 

it is....try to be patient

[street129]

Oh......

[Kat66]

Blimey, isn't it absolutely horrible when you come out of a window where you've actually felt somewhere nearer 'normal', and you slam into a wave and it's like you're two different people? Tell me what that's been like for you! 

[AnnaAnimal]

On 11/1/2021 at 7:36 PM, Kat66 said:

Blimey, isn't it absolutely horrible when you come out of a window where you've actually felt somewhere nearer 'normal', and you slam into a wave and it's like you're two different people? Tell me what that's been like for you! 

I'm new here and in tears when I'm reading every topic! I'm not alone!

 

I have been experiencing the waves very hard and it's the first time that I read that it's actually normal! I feel just like you said! First you feel your normal self and then BOOM, suddenly you feel the horrific despair. I am in and out of waves every day. When the normal feeling comes for a while, I am so happy that I can function and do things so try to get things done fast! At the same time there are these moments I fear the wave coming back and feel sick to my stomack. The worst part is in the mornings when I wake up, that's why I'm really scared to go to bed. Insomnia doesn't help, but every night I'm just so afraid that the morning is coming. And well, lucky me, the morning comes every day. 

 

Wish you all a lot of strength 💗

[Kat66]

2 hours ago, AnnaAnimal said:

I'm new here and in tears when I'm reading every topic! I'm not alone!

 

I have been experiencing the waves very hard and it's the first time that I read that it's actually normal! I feel just like you said! First you feel your normal self and then BOOM, suddenly you feel the horrific despair. I am in and out of waves every day. When the normal feeling comes for a while, I am so happy that I can function and do things so try to get things done fast! At the same time there are these moments I fear the wave coming back and feel sick to my stomack. The worst part is in the mornings when I wake up, that's why I'm really scared to go to bed. Insomnia doesn't help, but every night I'm just so afraid that the morning is coming. And well, lucky me, the morning comes every day. 

 

Wish you all a lot of strength 💗

I feel your pain @AnnaAnimal. Morning cortisol spikes are horrendous and make it very hard to get out of bed. I’m so glad you’ve found this site though. I’ve only been on here a few months but already it’s becoming a lifeline for me. I hope it’s the same for you! You most certainly are NOT alone! X

[tsranga]

4 hours ago, AnnaAnimal said:

I'm new here and in tears when I'm reading every topic! I'm not alone!

 

I have been experiencing the waves very hard and it's the first time that I read that it's actually normal! I feel just like you said! First you feel your normal self and then BOOM, suddenly you feel the horrific despair. I am in and out of waves every day. When the normal feeling comes for a while, I am so happy that I can function and do things so try to get things done fast! At the same time there are these moments I fear the wave coming back and feel sick to my stomack. The worst part is in the mornings when I wake up, that's why I'm really scared to go to bed. Insomnia doesn't help, but every night I'm just so afraid that the morning is coming. And well, lucky me, the morning comes every day. 

 

Wish you all a lot of strength 💗

 

I completely understand - this is probably one of the more difficult transitions to cope with. 

 

What seems to help lessen the fear is to work on accepting both the wave and window as signs of the body healing.. the brain wants to keep us safe from discomfort, and steers us towards what makes us feeling good, and we get stuck in in avoidance or clinging into the good. 

 

The more we practice accepting both waves and windows as temporary and instead focus on how we can be kind to ourselves and refocus on the activities that give us peace (not necessary joy/happiness), over time, we can lessen the fear.

 

I still deal with it almost 3 years out -laat night, I had almost 9 hrs of symptom free sleep after two weeks of fragmented sleep averaging 5 hrs.  The first thought / emotion to come up on waking up was fear of a return of the wave tonight, and what caused me to have a good night.. this usually starts a thought spiral, and if not checked can turn into a fear spiral.. 

 

It helps to maintain a journal and write down whatever you are experiencing without trying to analyze them.. this helps stop the rumination / problem solving, and you can get back to the present..