redangel: Off Paxil and feeling apathy, anxiety and am cortisol spikes

[redangel]

Still living a life with a confused mind, cant think straight. Some days cant even read!  I know a some of this is wd, some is from the hormone  imbalance from the pituitary gland not working and still have not been approved for the hgh treatments thanks for a medical assistant not doing her job!  I don't even feel I should be driving! It's almost a year out now from my last paxil!  I know some people have gotten a whole list of new wd symptoms at that time frame so Im nervous about that!

[AliG]

R.  There are a lot of us in the same boat . I think it helps to know this is W/D normal and that others have experienced these symptoms but that they do slowly improve with time. 

Ali

[JanCarol]

Hey redangel, how are you doing?

 

How many months out are you from your last dose of Paxil?

 

Have your symptoms gotten better?

 

Has your life stress / situation improved or stayed the same?  Are you dealing with stress a little better?

 

Please let us know.  A lot of people care about you.

[redangel]

Jan Carol , no, nothing has improved a whole lot.  Still cant sleep much past 3am no matter what time I go to bed.  Wake up with pounding heart and and nothing I do can get me back to sleep!  Its very frustrating!  I also have times when Im so depressed all I do is think about dying.  Dont really know what to do with myself any more.  Im in therapy but doesnt help much cause I cannot keep my mind on any one thing.  Any advice would be nice.  

[fizzkind]

Hello redangel. I'm a new lurker and have been reading through all the Paxil taper intro's with the hope that  would get up the courage to do a new taper.

I first quit Paxil after 2 years and managed about 6 months without any anxiety or depression but after 14 months the morning spikes. fear of being left alone got to me and I reinstated. At the time withdrawal was unheard of and I just thought I had relapsed.

I am so sorry you are going through all those crappy things and having to deal with withdrawal, but remember that at some point every day you will feel ok, even if it is for a few minutes. Withdrawal symptoms are always exacerbated by stress and that is what you need to work on. You have so much  going on in you life and seem to be taking very little time for yourself. Perhaps you just need to find 15 minutes a day where you can do something for yourself? I there anything that you can think of that you like that you don't normally give yourself time for? if you can reduce the stress then the withdrawal symptoms will hopefully pass and you will get a window. Here's hoping!

[KarenB]

Good thoughts Fizzking.  Redangel - in those depressed times during the day when your mind won't focus, have you tried things like colouring in those colouring books for grown-ups?  It can be very soothing and distracting.  Things do get better, though I know it's hard to believe when you're in the worst of times.  Eckhart Tolle is great for learning to get through the bad times, till the good times reappear.  Especially for learning how to get through minute by minute. 

 

When you can't sleep at night, can you listen to a gentle music, so that at least you can gently rest even if sleep is impossible.  I found that it would stop me from getting upset when I woke.  Sorry if you've had these suggestions before... As JC says, we do care very much how you are.

 

Karen

[redangel]

Thank you for your suggestions.  I have been having more time for myself since my grand children that I raised are out of the house.  It's just me and my youngest son here now and Im starting to de stress a little.  Some times I feel as if I have some permanant brain damage even though all the research says that is not possible from ad's.  I dont have any energy, feel depressed most of the time.  Ive tried listening to soft music to relax at night but it doesn't help me to sleep.   I have weaned off of all prescription sleep aides for a few mths now and dont think I'll ever get a good nights sleep.  I take magnesium, omega 3 in the form of flax seed, and also vitamin e to help the omega 3 work better. Most days I just dont want to live because I dont enjoy life at all.  One pain filled day flows into another.  My fibromyalgia is really bad, to the point where I cannot do much most days.  Been off the ad's for little over a year now and praying to go back to normal soon.  Ive lost my faith in God, in myself and everything. 

[KarenB]

When I get down about how long it is taking me to heal, I go back to BeyondMeds, especially the posts It Gets Better:  Living Well While being Sick. 

 

I've gone through long periods of depression in my life, and also experienced a loss of faith in God and myself.  I remember those times, how bleak they were, and how I expected to never make it through.  I'm so, so sorry that's where you are now - it's an exhausting way to be living.  I guess I just want to offer myself as one example of a person who did get through that time.  If you can keep going day by day through the crap, eventually time will bring the healing that you need.  Even better if you can find a small good thing to notice each day.  Maybe just a hug from your son, or a minute spent looking out the window and breathing slowly. 

 

The sleep will also find it's way back to normal patterns.

 

Wishing the best for you,

Karen

[redangel]

Thank you Karen for your encouragement.  I should have tapered longer but I didn't know at the time..  Now its to late, been off for over a year now

[redangel]

I've been in so much pain the last couple of weeks from the fibromyalgia.  I have a total lack of energy and am in bed most of the day every day for at least 2 wks.  Don't know what to do to feel better. I have such bad reactions every time I take any type of meds.  

[SquirrellyGirl]

Just wondering if you have been tested for the MTHFR gene, redangel?  There may be a correlation with the mutations of that gene and fibro.  Just something to consider.

 

http://mthfrliving.com/health-conditions/fibromyalgia/

 

http://www.fibromyalgia-symptoms.org/mthfr.html

 

SG

[redangel]

Thanks, sg, I will talk to my doc about that test.  It looks as if Ill need to pay for it, says most insurances don't cover it

[redangel]

My doctor says my insurance will not pay for the test.  And I'm getting so much worse as far as depression and anger go.  It's a never ending thing!  I have many nights i still don't sleep more then a couple of hours.  I'm with other people I read here,  I think this is permanant.  The meds have cause me irreversible brain damage.  I have a hard time making decisions, even simple ones.  I'm so afraid I'm going to give in to my desire to kill myself.  I know people say that is a permanant solution to a temporary problem but I don't feel mine is temporary. I haven't felt normal all of my life.  Going back on meds of course always seems to be a choice but I've been ignoring that. But I don't know how to deal with this depression and lack of sleep.  It sucks so big time.  I cannot go on like this for much longer.  Im always in constant pain from what they call fibro which no meds help with me either.  I really don't feel like reading any more success, there are also stories that are not on here where people end up back on  meds or commit suicide.  My Christian friend keeps telling me to take every thought captive to the Lord, well I don't know how to do that when my thoughts race to much for that to be possible.  When I tell her that she just gets quiet and acts disappointed in me as if I just don't want to do that!  I''d love nothing better then to get rid of these thoughts.  Even do a lot of meditations and that only works when I'm in the act of doing them. 

[herewego]

Your Christian friend may mean well, but she is unintentionally saying something insensitive to what you are going thru. She is not helping you break down the meaning of 'taking your thoughts captive' as applies to your situation and may not understand the depth of what you are going thru, though you can definitely pray to God for help - there is even a topic on this site about praying for each other. You can also practice moving thru what you are feeling with your thoughts and God can be apart of that. Someone on this site ( I forget who) wrote about some steps she took with her thoughts that helped her thru her w/d symptoms, and one of the steps is accepting where you are at, and then engaging in some form of activity in the midst of that - perhaps someone else here remembers who it was and the steps. Others find meditation helpful and if you are a Christian you can memorize comforting scriptures and say them to yourself to help you through some anxiety. The deeper meaning of 'taking your thoughts captive' could be applied if you break down into steps you can apply to yourself to help you through your anxiety.

[ChessieCat]

I'm not sure if you mean this one:  Acceptance

 

I know one of the mods wrote something really good recently about acceptance.  I'll keep my eye open for it.

[scallywag]

The damage caused by these drugs is temporary. It feels awful when the number and intensity of withdrawal symptoms takes over.  You will recover. Your body, your CNS (central nervous system) is restoring itself to a drug-free state. The symptoms -- the racing thoughts, the withdrawal-induced pessimism and/or despair -- will go away. I can't tell you when they'll abate, but they will.

[JanCarol]

Hey redangel, I'm sorry you are still suffering.

 

My latest studies have been about reducing stress response.

 

From http://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2016/08/cortical-adrenal-orchestra/496679/

 

This reporter wanted to find out why yoga worked.  And how.  So he tracked down studies which found that:

 

1.  Core strength and limb strength are essential to the communication between the adrenals and the brain

2.  Breathing with movement is the best meditation and exercise.  this includes yoga and tai chi/chi gung.

 

Just 2 weeks of daily practice of 10 minutes a day, improves your fortitude and stress response.

 

There are a zillion Yoga and Chi Gung videos for free on YouTube.

 

Here is a discussion about the more calming ones:

Gentle yoga for calming

 

Unfortunately, the best strategy is to be patient, do nothing, distract yourself from your symptoms (I like the colouring books that Karen mentioned) and wait.  Time is the best healer of withdrawal.

 

I hope you see the sun today!

[JanCarol]

PS - it may have been me who posted some steps for surviving neuro-emotions.  Here's what I wrote - I hope it helps (even if it's not the one you're thinking of):

 

 

Neuro-emotions are so difficult, because they seem so real.  There is just enough truth - a speck of sand - inside the whirlwind storm of emotions, that the whole experience seems hyper-real.  

 

So what to do about it?  It's a tangle of thoughts and emotions, and it helps to untangle the thought from the emotion.  

 

You can distract, by taking a walk,  color in a coloring book, listen to music, call a friend, play a stupid game on facebook, watch children's TV shows.

 

You can make fun of the thought (I just learned this one today, from ACT).  Here's how they did it in Harry Potter:

Harry Potter - Ridiculus spell for Boggart

 

Another suggestion I've heard is to take the happy birthday song, (or a silly children's song) and sing your thoughts to that song over and over until the thought is burned out, and you are detached from the emotion in the thought.  

 

Then, you can say, "It's just a thought." Accept the thought - that's what your brain is designed to do - make thoughts.  "It's just my brain making another thought." 

 

You can go into mindfulness.  Find a furry soft toy, and stroke it against your face, feel soothed by the simplicity of that.  Drink a warm cup of herb tea, feel the warmth and flavour of the liquid.  This is where I like colouring - putting colours on the page is so pleasureable to me.  Follow your mindfulness into pleasure.

 

Breathe, and know that you are alive, and breathing.  All you ever really need to do is breathe.  Sometimes ten breaths is all it takes to bring you back to yourself.

 

Jon Kabat-Zinn writes:

Quote

"The fact that you are breathing means there is more right with you than wrong with you in this moment."

 

 

We all need a regular, daily practice.  Something we can go to, fall back on, that supports us.  Sometimes it's the blindfold in the dark quiet room. Maybe it is a favorite song like Pharrell Williams, "Happy."   Sometimes it is yoga or tai chi.  

 

Turn off your fight or flight reactions with this yoga pose - less than 5 minutes (but you can stay longer):

Legs on the wall - shorter, no blanket

 

Or here is 7 minutes of magic of Chi Gung (you can find hours and hours of Chi Gung on YouTube, and it will heal your body!)

Qi Gong: 7 Minutes of Magic for Health

 

Sometimes it is breathing, sitting still. Many people here like guided meditations on YouTube.   I like to take walks in the sunlight, it is really helpful for setting my mood straight.

 

Now here's the thing:  these practices cannot fix withdrawal symptoms.  The symptoms are chemical, and often too extreme for one session of yoga or mindfulness to fix.  

 

But the more you have a regular practice, the stronger your "bank" of fortitude and adaptability.  Then you have something to draw  on - a comfortable place to go when you are uncomfortable, and it is easier to live through the symptoms.  Additionally, they improve your stress response, so that you are less likely to fire your nerves to begin with.

 

Then, when you do your 7 minutes of Tai Chi, you can feel the shift, because the practice is familiar, and pleasurable, and you feel the goodness of the practice help with your symptoms.  The symptoms don't go away, but your relationship to the symptoms shifts.

 

If you push on the symptoms, they often get worse.  But if you wait, they will pass.  These are some suggestions to help you get through it.

 

From <http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12391-tntd-severe-anxiety-with-agoraphobia-in-cold-turkey-withdrawal-dr-increased-benzo/page-5#entry246747> 

[redangel]

Thank you all.  You have some great idea's.  A friend of mine and I were talking the other day about getting a tai chi video and trying it out.  But the yoga might help more to start with.  Its been 1 1/2 yrs since my last paxil and I thought Id be all better by now but am not.  I realize part of it is from the fibro and chronic fatigue but the depression is getting the best of me.  Even my anti med son is wanting me back on ad's!  I think he is afraid I'll kill myself, which is a realist fear as bad as I've been. This has been a long road and I just want it over. Im glad I have you all for when things get real bad.  I dont get on often because Im not in a place to help others  yet and most times I just feel like a cry baby. 

[JanCarol]

Hey Red - it's been over a month since you last posted - I was just wondering how you are going?