bhasski: Damaged all over ... physically , mentally and spiritually

[bhasski]

Yesterday night again was full of anger and panic.

I couldnt sleep, so started playing online game. A person there irritated me and got full blown in anger.

Anger and irritation was there initially.

 

I abused the person and left the game.

But coulnt sleep and after a long time felt uneasiness in chest.

Could hear my heartbeat. I was aware all the time that it was a game and kept telling me.. but the anger was from nowhere.

Slept at 6:00am till 9:30am.

Now tired. 

I cannot laugh.. my eyes are always dry and of no pleasure.

I cannot talk thus with people ---

when u have nothing else other than severe discomfort.

 

 

 

[bhasski]

EYE Doctor revisit  again after 6 monts -  20 days ago .

Numbers changed again .. but no correction to the blurriness and difficulty in reading.

 

Advised to go to NeuroOpthalmologist.

 

Current symptoms:

Indigestion.. Delayed sleep.. memory issues.. Visual bluriness.. restless left leg.. Anger .. Difficulty in talking .. Facial Stiffness or flatness.. 

Dizzy head and eyes all the time.

 

 

[bhasski]

I am not well.. physically always tired .. Eyes are blur.. My recent past seems far lost memory. Also short term memory is poor. 

Sudden anger and rage is common.

Cannot digest .. No desire to eat.

 

Prior to ssri and aps, I have spiritual inclination .. just had then some memory issues and anxiety and insecurity due to this and career.

 

Nowhere near to this.. If this is 10 now, then that was 2-3.

 

Today I go to a place near 35 km on bike.. And felt it so difficult bcoz back and neck were stiff.. Eyes and concentration was not there.. Things were blur and I dizzily rode around 70km. 

Mostly day on home.. watching TV.

 

 

[UnfoldingSky]

Hi bhasski, saw you were here and wanted to see how you were doing.  I have had eye issues too, developed dry eyes, not sure if I mentioned that already...I also had difficulty focusing my eyes to read but most of that seems to have subsided (sometimes can have a bit of a problem but nothing like it used to be.)  I can't imagine managing to ride that far with stiff neck and back, I get that so often now and it is so uncomfortable.

 

Thinking of you,

 

US

 

 

[PoetJester]

Hi again Bhasski

 

i also have the gasps of breath you had mentioned in a previous post.  it has happening for a few years now.  it actually started in 2014 when i was about 8 months into wd and had acquired one of those cpap breathing machines to see if that might help me with my poor sleep quality and lack of sleep.  i couldn't sleep with the breathing mask on my face although i tried it several nights.  once i slept 3 hours but that was about it for a month of trying to use the machine.  since then i get the unconscious gasping intake of air thing.  i feel like Darth Vader in the old Star Wars movies if you are familiar with those movies.  i think it has to do with sleep deprivation and poor sleep quality where the body is just not getting enough oxygen.

 

 

Poetjester (Derek)

[PoetJester]

it also probably has to do with how depressed are bodies become in wd.   it's somewhat like a fish out of water gasping for air on a bank.   

[bhasski]

12 hours ago, UnfoldingSky said:

Hi bhasski, saw you were here and wanted to see how you were doing.  I have had eye issues too, developed dry eyes, not sure if I mentioned that already...I also had difficulty focusing my eyes to read but most of that seems to have subsided (sometimes can have a bit of a problem but nothing like it used to be.)  I can't imagine managing to ride that far with stiff neck and back, I get that so often now and it is so uncomfortable.

 

Thinking of you,

 

US

 

 

Thanks for being here.

 

I usually avoid bike ride that long. 

But I have this habit of doing things.. i had to bring home to a person whos dealing with me.  I had taken along a helper with me.

I could send a helper alone , but I feel wrong in heart from both ends - helper and the person.

 

This has been happening with me... i put things on me and extrapolate how others will feel due to my behaviour.

 

I know this is wrong.. but I am not able to help myself as of now.

[bhasski]

2 hours ago, PoetJester said:

it also probably has to do with how depressed are bodies become in wd.   it's somewhat like a fish out of water gasping for air on a bank.   

 

Yes it is wdl.. as i just know a disease where these things happen - wdl.

 

For me,sudden involuntary gasps for breathe - has lessen down .. but who knows when and what flares up..

As for now my sleep and restless legs flaring up.. now its in my right leg too.. which was not there before.

Eyes blur.. dull blackness everywhere mostly till afternoon.. memory has been gone.

I have seen Star Wars ( some part for sure) but no memory of story and character line up is there.. I mean I cannot tell the story to anyone and this goes with most movies... shows.. studies.. past job work..  everywhere.

 

Accepting  this reality is very difficult for me.

 

[rupa]

bhasski

Zentel is used for deworming for human in India.

[PoetJester]

4 hours ago, rupa said:

bhasski

Zentel is used for deworming for human in India.

Hi Rupa

 

we have something called Albenza over here which has the same ingrediant as Zentel-   albendazole.  it's pretty expensive even if you can  find a doctor who will write you a prescription for it.  my doctors don't believe me when i tell them i have worms even though my toilet bowl was full of them the other day.  i am going half mad and i feel miserable.  American Dr's don't believe  parasite infestations happen except in third world countries.  

 

Derek

[bhasski]

8 hours ago, rupa said:

bhasski

Zentel is used for deworming for human in India.

 

Thanks.

I will try  that after the Pumpkin puree process.

[rupa]

11 hours ago, PoetJester said:

Hi Rupa

 

we have something called Albenza over here which has the same ingrediant as Zentel-   albendazole.  it's pretty expensive even if you can  find a doctor who will write you a prescription for it.  my doctors don't believe me when i tell them i have worms even though my toilet bowl was full of them the other day.  i am going half mad and i feel miserable.  American Dr's don't believe  parasite infestations happen except in third world countries.  

 

Derek

Dear Poet 

In India we will go to medical shop and buy as many zentels as we want.

A person who has awareness about using zentel will use.

For children we use in every six months.

For adult we use once in 3 year or 5 year.

[rupa]

7 hours ago, bhasski said:

 

Thanks.

I will try  that after the Pumpkin puree process.

Bhasski

Use pumpkin puree in curry and have with roti and rice.

[bhasski]

Well  it would be good to have roti or rice with it .. Thanks for advice. @rupa

I will take the seeds tomorrow.

My mother preparing it.

 

[rupa]

10 hours ago, bhasski said:

Well  it would be good to have roti or rice with it .. Thanks for advice. @rupa

I will take the seeds tomorrow.

My mother preparing it.

 

I soaked handful of pumpkin seeds (without peeling) in water for a day and made a paste in mixy 

small jar.

It tastes like kaaju paste.

So I made butter paneer masala curry by using pumpkin seed paste.

Usually we use kaaju paste for curry.

But this curry tastier than kaju curry.

[bhasski]

Update: 

I tried Pumpkin seeds flush.

Idk as of now whether it helped... but felt terrible whole day with head pressure.. dizziness .. eye.pain..

 

Also took laxatives as suggested .. Tripahala didnt help .. so I took 1 TBSP of castor oil..  well it helped with little motion.. but not as laxative like.

I have heard things about castor oil like  it clears  with rush , but what the hell happened to my gut ... not behaving anything like heard.

 

Still having super dizzy feeling and pain in eye and forehead as of some pressure built up.

 

[bhasski]

On 4/17/2018 at 12:03 AM, rupa said:

Dear Poet 

In India we will go to medical shop and buy as many zentels as we want.

A person who has awareness about using zentel will use.

For children we use in every six months.

For adult we use once in 3 year or 5 year.

 

Hi @rupa

I have never used Zentel or any other parasitic infection drug till now.

Is it a good drug ? Asking as its a antibiotic category.

Other reason .. product of GSK.

 

Dosage on net is 2 times  a day 400mg for wt. >60kg.

Min. for 5 days.

Is this how people use it here in India?

[rupa]

21 hours ago, bhasski said:

 

Hi @rupa

I have never used Zentel or any other parasitic infection drug till now.

Is it a good drug ? Asking as its a antibiotic category.

Other reason .. product of GSK.

 

Dosage on net is 2 times  a day 400mg for wt. >60kg.

Min. for 5 days.

Is this how people use it here in India?

sorry for late reply

Suppose If you take one zentel monday after dinner, at bed time  ,if you see parasites in your stool on tuesday morning, you can take one more tablet next monday, i. e 7 days later. 

If your stool is normal one tablet is enough.

This tablet is 100% safe.

If you do not like taking tablets , eat handful of Lion brand Dates or khajur ,which are clean and higenic, every day.

This will solve all stomach problems naturally.

As you never used zentel , I would strongly suggest you to take zentel. Once your stomach is cleansed, eat khajur regularly which are rich with natural vitamins and healing power.

[bhasski]

16 hours ago, rupa said:

sorry for late reply

Suppose If you take one zentel monday after dinner, at bed time  ,if you see parasites in your stool on tuesday morning, you can take one more tablet next monday, i. e 7 days later. 

If your stool is normal one tablet is enough.

This tablet is 100% safe.

If you do not like taking tablets , eat handful of Lion brand Dates or khajur ,which are clean and higenic, every day.

This will solve all stomach problems naturally.

As you never used zentel , I would strongly suggest you to take zentel. Once your stomach is cleansed, eat khajur regularly which are rich with natural vitamins and healing power.

 

Thanks.

I took the combination Albendazol( zentel) + ivermectin yesterday morning..

Name: Bandy plus.

 

I didnt see anything parasitic like in motion.

 

Also, it make me severly constipated. And more fatigued. I took castor oil 2nd time for relief.. but it acted as a painful thing. Had to spend an hour with pain.

 

And it didnt even worked.

 

I will start eating khajur. Tx for advice.

[bhasski]

Also this fatigue and dizziness like thing is not going anyway..  Instead medicines make it more severe.

[rupa]

19 hours ago, bhasski said:

 

Thanks.

I took the combination Albendazol( zentel) + ivermectin yesterday morning..

Name: Bandy plus.

 

I didnt see anything parasitic like in motion.

 

Also, it make me severly constipated. And more fatigued. I took castor oil 2nd time for relief.. but it acted as a painful thing. Had to spend an hour with pain.

 

And it didnt even worked.

 

I will start eating khajur. Tx for advice.

constipation....hmmmm...This is because you are in north india and eating only roti.

start eating some rice with a cup of curds in every meal after taking one or two rotis.

Never miss eating curd rice with plenty of curd and water at the night time.

Eventually this eating habit will lead you to a good nights sleep.

when you sleep full night, you will feel fresh but not dizzy at the day time.

Eat curd rice with banana , sweet grapes, jaggery etc if you like sweet.

Eat with curry, raw onion , etc if you like mirch.

I believe rice is the reason I didnot face any mazor withdrawal in my taper.

Rice has healing powers.

It is matter of time bhasski,You will  definitely get better.

Ask mamma to cook rice very softly.

Rice and khajur will solve your stomach problems very soon.

 

 

[PoetJester]

Bhasski

 

you took the ivermectin?  you may want to be a little careful with it.  i have read of people treating scabies with it and also hookworm infections and also i think it is widely used in Africa for parasite infections, but i have read of a couple reviews of people having reactions to it.   one person on amazon who tried the ivermectin horse dewormer started having neurological problems afterwards.  she took two doses of it 4 days apart.   also, in some dog breeds it can be fatal because the dogs don't have a certain gene that processes the drug.  

 

i definitely have worms so it's probably worth trying it for me.  if you aren't to sure if you have parasites then i don't know if you want to try it.

 

i did have some fatigue after the pumpkin seed cleanse that went away after doing the salt water flush. 

 

Poetjester 

 

 

[PoetJester]

Bhasski

 

i took the ivermectin.  i felt guilty after reading your post.  i guess, we will see what happens.  try the Sea Salt Water cleanse maybe if you are still constipated.  i think it actually is a popular ayurvedic cleanse

 

Poetjester

[bhasski]

12 hours ago, rupa said:

Ask mamma to cook rice very softly.

Rice and khajur will solve your stomach problems very soon.

 

Hope this helps me.

I will start it  .. and yes we eat rice very rarely.. when in Maharashtra , I got the habit of daily having rice with roti.

 

Idk the reason, but my whole teens spent here mostly with rotis, parathas, curd... now all seems unenjoyable - physical as well as mental issues.

 

[bhasski]

11 hours ago, PoetJester said:

Bhasski

 

i took the ivermectin.  i felt guilty after reading your post.  i guess, we will see what happens.  try the Sea Salt Water cleanse maybe if you are still constipated.  i think it actually is a popular ayurvedic cleanse

 

Poetjester

 

Yes, the drug made the condition worse.. it was already very bad before.. may be you get through it easily.

 

I am doing ayurverdic things like tripahala..  harad mixture.. but as for 2 days, they seems like theory which failed..

Rather these things are effective in normal circumstances.

[bhasski]

I am feeling tired of all of this..

A friend of mine who is in IT met me .. He talked about my past and why I am suffering ... to go see a doctor.

 

I looked Ken Gillman site where he was advocating MAOIs.

Is is worth trying nardil or parnate now?

@Altostrata  please guide me.

[bhasski]

Just searched how people here experienced on MAOI .. It was bad reading.

 

 

I feel stuck with nothing going .. TV is not the answer.. and with these physical and mental issues are difficult to see improvements.. as they are so slow .. or not happening..

 

[Carmie]

13 minutes ago, bhasski said:

Just searched how people here experienced on MAOI .. It was bad reading.

 

 

I feel stuck with nothing going .. TV is not the answer.. and with these physical and mental issues are difficult to see improvements.. as they are so slow .. or not happening..

 

 

I’m so sorry you’re feeling stuck bhasski, 

 

Like you said TV isn’t  the answer but we need to keep distracting ourselves in the midst of withdrawals. I’m not a TV watcher, it annoys me for some reason, but I do watch Netflix and DVDs. 

 

While distracting myself with this I also crochet. Do u have any hobbies that you like to do? 

 

Hang in there

[bhasski]

@Carmie,

I trying hard to be patient, accepting the status quo  year by year. Its now 2+ years I am off.

I had hobbies, but currently my brain doesnt register with them.

Even if I tell you music and singing.. reading and outdoor things.. i cannot do and feel them. Even talking with people breaks the patience ..

Its getting long and long .. thats y I started looking for some drug answers on this crap information load of internet.

 

I ended up on reviews where MAOI turn the switch on in people...

 

My head is dizzy in thoughts always.

Its even difficult to react to peoples call.

[Carmie]

6 minutes ago, bhasski said:

@Carmie,

I trying hard to be patient, accepting the status quo  year by year. Its now 2+ years I am off.

I had hobbies, but currently my brain doesnt register with them.

Even if I tell you music and singing.. reading and outdoor things.. i cannot do and feel them. Even talking with people breaks the patience ..

Its getting long and long .. thats y I started looking for some drug answers on this crap information load of internet.

 

I ended up on reviews where MAOI turn the switch on in people...

 

My head is dizzy in thoughts always.

Its even difficult to react to peoples call.

 

Adding more meds is not the answer. You will just continue to spiral downhill. 

 

I feel so so much for you being cold turkeyed off  heaps of drugs. I have been cold turkeyed in the past by doctors and it was horrific. I wish I had the answers for you but the only answer is TIME. Two and a half years is a long time and from what I’ve read there are others in your situation but I’ve also read recovery stories of people that have been in withdrawals for many years but they always eventually recover. 

 

Recovery is ALWAYS the outcome, we just don’t know when.

 

I know how you feel with hobbies not registering. When I’m in a wave I’m so numb and don’t find joy in anything. I just find the repetition of crocheting the same stitch over and over again and making blankets for friends therapeutic. 

 

You dont need to find joy joy in your hobby, you just need to use it for distraction. Find something that doesn’t take a lot of brain power.

 

Thinking of you

 

 

[bhasski]

4 hrs of sleep... 6:00 am - 10: am

 

Whole night suffered from restless legs..  lastly it was like I was losing control, i had to twist legs with hands .  to get some relief.

 

Surfed web and ended that I have magnesium tablets.

Took up magnesium glycinate about 4:am. Idk they did anything.. but slept after cursing hell to everybody involved in my situation.

 

 

 

 

[rupa]

3 hours ago, bhasski said:

4 hrs of sleep... 6:00 am - 10: am

 

Whole night suffered from restless legs..  lastly it was like I was losing control, i had to twist legs with hands .  to get some relief.

 

Surfed web and ended that I have magnesium tablets.

Took up magnesium glycinate about 4:am. Idk they did anything.. but slept after cursing hell to everybody involved in my situation.

 

 

 

 

Withdrawal hit me hard today.

No proper sleep from four days.

Is it lack of sleep or is it called withdrawal.

Do not know.

How are you coping up with little sleep and so many leg etc pains.

I am thinking of you and feeling how much pain you are bearing.

[bhasski]

44 minutes ago, rupa said:

Withdrawal hit me hard today.

No proper sleep from four days.

Is it lack of sleep or is it called withdrawal.

Do not know.

How are you coping up with little sleep and so many leg etc pains.

I am thinking of you and feeling how much pain you are bearing.

 

I am coping as I am home bound. I stopped helping my father in shop.  

 

I still don't know how long I have to bear with things such bad.

 

Well last 2 days I spent money again  online for supplements again looking for hope. I need relief, its been too long suffering.

 

For you, I want you to slowly observe for this week.. If its getting bad, then reinstate with lower dose... lesser than .625mg, say .25mg ... You can slowly upose and settle for lesser dose than .625mg. 

 

Ask here about the way to do cut  with BrassM , alto or anyone else doing...

 

 

 

 

 

[bhasski]

I started taking Magnesium glycniate 200mg for my restless legs ..  rls is better but  seem to have other problems triggering up.

I have pssd symptoms flared up and I dont know the reason. Numbed genitals, 0 libido... etc etc.

 

Also stomach cramps are back.. all time agitation is back.

 

Should I stop magnesium? 

It increases my frustration more when try to do better make things worse.

It feels so  stiff in torso as if it break.. ( bad way to tell) but  it is inexplicable.

 

[bhasski]

Update for magnesium:

I stopped taking orally while continuing spray my body with mag. oil.

 

Yesterday i sprayed in morning ad night to see its effect. I felt somewhat better for the time being, but as I went to bed,  it got paradoxical.. my facial muscles got tensed and I was clenching teeth... also restless legs come back along with prickly itchy feeling thats with the oil..

 

Also the symptoms are worse with pssd.

I am still continuing to verify whether it was a Paradox or genuine result.

 

[rupa]

How's sleep?

How are you?