Carmie: accidently doubling up on Seroquel one day while tapering

[Carmie]

Okay, cranking up the music🎼🎼🎼🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸

 

Feeling so low all the time, struggling to breathe. 
 

Cranking up a Matchbox 20 concert on YouTube 💃💃💃💃 Have seen Rob Thomas in concert three times. Go Rob!!!

[Longroadhome]

Thinking of you Carmie and really hoping the breathing gets easier soon. It did before so there’s no reason why it shouldn’t again. 
Don't   think too far ahead about the booster shot It’s like thinking too far ahead when in WD and it’s never going to be a positive thought 💭 when your in the middle of it. Best to do as your doing and take one day at a time and leave the future where it belongs . 
take care 

[Carmie]

23 hours ago, Longroadhome said:

Thinking of you Carmie and really hoping the breathing gets easier soon. It did before so there’s no reason why it shouldn’t again. 
Don't   think too far ahead about the booster shot It’s like thinking too far ahead when in WD and it’s never going to be a positive thought 💭 when your in the middle of it. Best to do as your doing and take one day at a time and leave the future where it belongs . 
take care 

Thanks for thinking of me Longroadhome, 

 

Yep, all I can do is take a day at a time. I rang two close friends last night and cried and poured out my heart. Feeling so claustrophobic with my breathing. 
 

I’m slowly coming out of my two month hermit shell🦀🦀🦀
 

Anyway, time for a gratitude list today📝
 

1. I very rarely do the woe is me thing around my friends, but as mentioned, I did yesterday and was bawling😭 my eyes out. I’m grateful for my friends, they are so kind and caring. 
 

There’s nothing they can do to help me, so I don’t like to burden them, but last night I went all out. It’s time to get it all off my chest. Time to vent, and vent I did!
 

2. Speaking of friends, I had another friend ( who didn’t know how bad I’m doing lately) come around with a most generous gift🎁Such a sweetie pie.

 

3. Also, another friend rang ☎️ today and asked if they could help me with any housework. I’m pretty much on top of my housework. I do a little here and there. I said she can come over and visit ☕️anyway though, so she’s coming around tomorrow.

 

4. I’m having an avalanche of friends contact me the last couple of days, as a couple of friends wanted to visit me today, but I ended up being too sick. My bed🛏 held me prisoner for most of the day. 
 

5. I’m on the lounge now and have been watching Blue Heelers. A good distraction👮‍♀️📺

 

6. My puddy tat is keeping me company 🐈

 

7. I got some more CDs in the mail today: Josh Groban and Rob Thomas. They both give amazing concerts🎹🎤🎼🎸I’m grateful for live music, though I haven’t been to a concert since Covid started. Concerts on YouTube will do for now, I just crank up my speaker with the colourful flashing lights✨✨✨✨Spotify is great too.

 

8. I’m grateful that I have a natural practitioner that answers questions in his spare time via email. I was going to see him again this Wednesday, but I don’t have the strength at the moment to get there. It takes me two hours 🚌🚂there and two hours back. I have an appointment next week though. Hopefully I’ll have a little more strength then. 
 

9. I’m grateful for this site, as only people who have gone through withdrawals understand withdrawals 💊

 

10. Okay, I have to say again I’m grateful for my friends. I’ve been isolating myself pretty much for the last two months because I’m really struggling to breathe, but it feels good socialising again despite the fear I’m feeling from feeling like I’m suffocating.

 

The main people I’ve really been interacting with the last couple of months are my husband and his support workers and the staff where he lives. I’m forcing myself to get out of that mode, despite all. I’m letting my friends into my life again. It’s not good isolating myself, and if I end up in tears so be it!

 

The friend that popped around today with the gift said she’ll be popping around again soon with her husband. 
 

I looooove my friends👩‍🦱👨🏽👩🏻👩🏻‍🦰🧑🏿👩🏻‍🦳👨🏼‍🦳👵🏻
 

Well, there’s another gratitude list done. One day at a time does it🧡

[hayduke]

1 hour ago, Carmie said:

1. I very rarely do the woe is me thing around my friends, but as mentioned, I did yesterday and was bawling😭 my eyes out. I’m grateful for my friends, they are so kind and caring. 
 

There’s nothing they can do to help me, so I don’t like to burden them, but last night I went all out. It’s time to get it all off my chest. Time to vent, and vent I did!

 

Good on you.  I've been talking to some besties about how I look like I'm coping too well sometimes and get cranky when they don't help!  They just see the pretty pics of where I moved to (now there is some gratitude list material) so lately I had a big spew about how much all this drugging and pain sucks and what I have to deal with!  But they are the best, I couldn't do it without them.

 

Gee I wish there was something we could think of to ease your breathing hun.

 

*hugs*

[Carmie]

46 minutes ago, hayduke said:

 

Good on you.  I've been talking to some besties about how I look like I'm coping too well sometimes and get cranky when they don't help!  They just see the pretty pics of where I moved to (now there is some gratitude list material) so lately I had a big spew about how much all this drugging and pain sucks and what I have to deal with!  But they are the best, I couldn't do it without them.

 

Gee I wish there was something we could think of to ease your breathing hun.

 

*hugs*

Hey there Hayduke, 

 

I’m glad you have really good friends too. My venting last night to my friends was about how I’m not coping struggling to breathe 24/7. It’s like asthma, but without any reprieve whatsoever. I couldn’t see the point of telling everyone about the extent of it, because no one can fix the problem. Last night though I got it all off my chest, but I couldn’t stop crying. 
 

Both friends I spoke to last night knew I had trouble breathing, but didn’t really know how bad it was. I’ve kind of been hibernating for a couple of months. I’m really low and I didn’t want to bring the mood down. I’m just not coping too well. 
 

I know I shouldn’t think that way, because my friends are absolutely amazing, they are always wanting to help me in practical ways.
 

I’ve always been a helper, and I’m a real work in progress when it comes to saying yes when friends offer to do things for me. I’m learning to say yes a lot more though.

 

As regards venting about my problems to friends I don’t know if I feel better or worse afterwards. Sometimes it’s good to get things off one’s chest, but at other times I feel worse. 

Anyway, it will be nice catching up with a dear friend tomorrow morning. Our borders open on Monday so we will no doubt have community transmission here again, and I’ll have to be really careful then because of my lungs. 
 

Good night😴😴😴😴

[Carmie]

Hello all you beautiful people, 

 

I think I’m online too much and it’s not good for my nervous system, so I’m going to have a bit of a break for the rest of this month. See you all in January some time. 
 

It’s time for self care🧡🧡

[hayduke]

1 hour ago, Carmie said:

I’ve always been a helper, and I’m a real work in progress when it comes to saying yes when friends offer to do things for me. I’m learning to say yes a lot more though.

 

As regards venting about my problems to friends I don’t know if I feel better or worse afterwards. Sometimes it’s good to get things off one’s chest, but at other times I feel worse. 

 

Yeah I got brought up to be a "people pleaser" too.  It's interesting to look into where we got that.  These are archaic attitudes now all that "stiff upper lip" ww2 guff.  

 

It can feel awkward after sharing the deep stuff, but I usually find that checking in the next day with friends it's ok.  Someone sometime for some reason told us when we were smaller that doing this was not ok, so there's a lot of blech that comes up with it.  But "better out than in" and it makes space for healthier thoughts and feelings.  Always nice to take a walk on the beach and let the salt air or whatever wash it away after. 

 

1 hour ago, Carmie said:

Hello all you beautiful people, 

 

I think I’m online too much and it’s not good for my nervous system, so I’m going to have a bit of a break for the rest of this month. See you all in January some time. 
 

It’s time for self care🧡🧡

 

Wishing you a comfy easy yule season and some good rest Carmie.  I really hope you are feeling better before long and some enjoyment.

 

Cheers

Hayduke

[mdwstrx]

Prayers for you @Carmie

Words paint nice pics and can be soothing; prayers move mountains!

md

[direstraits]

Wishing you well @Carmie❤️

Hope you get some relief xx

[NeDaytoDayMJ]

See you in January.  I hope the breathing gets better.  

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

We'll be waiting for you. Well wishes.

[ShiningLight]

On 12/5/2021 at 12:05 AM, Carmie said:

 

Feeling so low all the time, struggling to breathe. 
 

 

Oh dear Carmie. I've had a taste of breathing problems recently and it's awful. I'm so sorry you're going through this. There was an advertisement some years ago that said 'when you can't breathe, nothing else matters,' and it's so true. 

It's a tough problem because it's so hard to distract oneself from--it's always there, every moment. It really affects quality of life. Sending you healing thoughts my friend. ♥️

[Longroadhome]

@Carmie

Just want you to know I’m thinking of you and hoping your breathing is easier. 
 

im missing seeing your gratitude lists Carmie and hope you have special things to appreciate every day in your life.  
 

Hope your Christmas 🎄  is peaceful and you get quality time with your husband. 
 

May 2022 bring you health and further into recovery . 
Take good care. 

[kostakonkordia]

@hayduke

What did you read from Foucault and Laing? 

I like Foucault very much my Profile Pic is in honor of him haha. 

I want to try some Laing. Do you have any recommendations?? 

Greetings 

Kosta

 

Edited January 3, 2022 by kostakonkordia

[Carmie]

Thanks for popping by @hayduke @mdwstrx @direstraits @Longroadhome @ShiningLight   @ThatOneGirlStitch @NeDaytoDayMJ
 

Hope you’re all doing okay. I’m still struggling to breathe every single day. Life is tough. 
 

Just wanted to send you all hugs🤗🧡

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

internet hugs are always appreciated.❤️
Still working on eating, not panicing to everything (people included), and trying to move around. 

I'm sorry about the breathing. That is a struggle. 

 

I hope your break from the site did you well.

 

[Longroadhome]

1 hour ago, Carmie said:

Thanks for popping by @hayduke @mdwstrx @direstraits @Longroadhome @ShiningLight   @ThatOneGirlStitch @NeDaytoDayMJ
 

Hope you’re all doing okay. I’m still struggling to breathe every single day. Life is tough. 
 

Just wanted to send you all hugs🤗🧡

Good to hear from you. So sorry every day is still a struggle for you. I really hope in the near future your days start to get easier. 
I miss your positive outlook and the kind and thoughtful person you are. 
 

 

[direstraits]

So sorry @Carmie😔

hope it gets better soon.

sending love and hugs 🤗💞 

[Carmie]

On 1/3/2022 at 5:51 PM, ThatOneGirlStitch said:

internet hugs are always appreciated.❤️
Still working on eating, not panicing to everything (people included), and trying to move around. 

I'm sorry about the breathing. That is a struggle. 

 

I hope your break from the site did you well.

 

 

On 1/3/2022 at 7:07 PM, Longroadhome said:

Good to hear from you. So sorry every day is still a struggle for you. I really hope in the near future your days start to get easier. 
I miss your positive outlook and the kind and thoughtful person you are. 
 

 

 

On 1/4/2022 at 12:47 PM, direstraits said:

So sorry @Carmie😔

hope it gets better soon.

sending love and hugs 🤗💞 

Hi beautiful people, 

 

Thanks for your kind messages. Thought I’d write a gratitude list today: 

 

1. I’ve discovered the delights of online grocery shopping. I’ve bought other stuff online, but never my groceries. I haven’t been out anywhere for a few weeks. Was so excited to have fresh fruit again🍎🍐🫐. I still had plenty of veggies, but no fruit😟. I love fruit!!

 

I’ve had so many friends offer to do my shopping, but I think online groceries is the way to go. 
 

2. Been meeting up via Zoom every day this week so far📱. Struggling to breathe, but made myself be social anyway. 
 

3. One of my friends rang me last night and gave me a good idea. I’m on AIP so I’m always trying to find things I can eat and drink that don’t take a lot of effort as I’m so sick. She said she bought a blender so she could make frappes, what a good idea. I could make frappes with ice, coconut cream and frozen berries. Yummy!🥥🫐🍓🍒🥤Just have to buy a blender though.

 

4. Downloaded the Notion app. It’s fantastic! I can organise all sorts of things in there.  Still learning how to use it all properly. I figured out today how to put articles I like in it, it’s such a handy app. I might be more organised now😁So cool!😎

 

5. I started journaling again. I do it in the Notion app. It’s so great getting your thoughts out of your head📝📝📝

 

6. A friend of mine dropped off 100 stamps as a present to me a couple of weeks ago. I’ll be okay for sending cards and letters to my friends for quite a while now💌💌📮📮

 

7. I’m in bed at the moment, but I’m enjoying a nice cup of green tea🍵and have a gentle breeze from my fan on me💨

 

8. I love black backgrounds instead of bright white on apps and pages on the internet. 🖤 I’ve just changed another couple of things to a black background. I don’t like bright white background, it’s too intense. Don’t think this site has a black background though, unless someone would like to correct me. 
 

9. Been doing a decluttering challenge, but because I’m so sick I’ve only been able to do a little here and there. The challenge started with clothes and accessories 👗👖🧣. I’m always decluttering my wardrobe, so there wasn’t a lot to get rid of. I only keep things I actually wear and use. I did do a little more organising though.
 

Had a laugh with a friend of mine as she has sooooooo many clothes and keeps buying more, despite the fact she doesn’t wear them all. I can’t see the point. Most people only wear about a fifth of what they own. 
 

The next declutter was makeup and products. I don’t really wear makeup💄, except for some mineral powder here and there, so that was easily done. Just sorted my bathroom cupboard.
 

Then the next thing was decor. I didn’t have to do much there either, as I only have things out that I love. I have a beach theme🌊🐚 and I only have decor around that I really, really like anyway, so that didn’t take much to do. I hate too much stuff so I don’t overcrowd decor, I find that too much clutter is stressful. I got rid of just a couple of things. 
 

The next challenge is the pantry and the fridge and freezer❄️ I don’t have a lot of things in the pantry as I mainly eat fresh food🍠🍇🥑🍓🥦🥬🥒🥕🥩🐟. One of these days I’ll get some AIP friendly ingredients and I might do a bit of baking, I don’t eat grains or sugar so will have to use other compliant ingredients. I’m just to sick to do much cooking at the moment, I make very basic food. 
 

I did get rid of my kombucha scobies today, I’ve made lots of kombucha over the years and it is AIP compliant, but the yeast in it isn’t good as it feeds candida. I kept putting off getting rid of the scobies, but with this challenge I finally said good bye👋👋 I really like it, but I found when I made it I would drink it every day. Not good! I’ll stick to my berry smoothies🍓🥥🫐🥤 instead for a treat.

 

I just have to wash out one two of the pantry shelves🧽🪣 and then I’m onto the fridge. I don’t have the strength yet though. If I can’t do it today I’ll aim for tomorrow.

 

10. A friend just rang while I was writing this☎️, so I got a bit sidetracked , but managed to get back to finishing my gratitude list. I loooooooove my friends👩🏻‍🦳🧑🏿👨🏼‍🦱👩‍🦱👱🏽‍♂️👧🏻👦🏼👵🏻
 

Well, I did it! Oh yeah, I tapered again on the 13th of December by 0.05mg. I’m down to 4mg now, though I’ll probably taper again either tonight or tomorrow night down to 3.95mg. 
 

I hope my gratitude list makes sense, I’m too braindead to proof read it. 
 

Sending hugs🤗

[hayduke]

*hugs*

[Kostas]

Very glad to hear you again Carmie !

Happy new year and ...keep going...!!

 

[Carmie]

On 1/6/2022 at 12:46 PM, hayduke said:

*hugs*

 

On 1/6/2022 at 9:08 PM, Kostas said:

Very glad to hear you again Carmie !

Happy new year and ...keep going...!!

 

Thanks for dropping in guys, 

 

I’m not doing good at all. Struggling to breathe every day for the last four months or so has landed me in the deep despair. I’m suffocating every day!! Inhalers don’t work. I’ve hit a wall and there is nothing I can do except survive each day. Sooooo claustrophobic!!!

 

The vax triggered this autoimmune flare. So scared. 

 

Take care🤗

[Carmie]

Just wanted to document that I went from 4mg down to 3.95 a couple of days ago on the 8th.

[Carmie]

Okay, I’ve been crying so much today as I’m not coping with struggling to breathe 24/7 that I forgot whether I took my meds or not this evening. My dilution was on the sink and out of the fridge, but I still couldn’t remember if I took it or not. I decided to take it now anyway. I guess double dosing would be better than not taking it at all. I really can’t remember if I took it or not already, maybe I didn’t. 
 

Boy, I’m such a mess lately. Everything has gotten on top of me, so claustrophobic and I feel like I’m suffocating all the time with my breathing. 
 

I’m grateful for all my friends that contacted me today, I’ve had messages and phone calls, but no one can help me with my breathing, so I just feel lost all the time. It feels like having an asthma attack 24/7 without any reprieve. Nothing works to settle it. I really am grateful for my friends though, they are so loyal. I love them to bits. 
 

I’ve learnt in the last few years who really are true friends. I used to be such a people pleaser that I let people walk all over me, but I’ve come so far since then. Some people who I thought were friends really weren’t. 

 

Learning about narcissism a few years ago also was such an eye opener too. It really was a light bulb moment and now I see red flags everywhere. I no longer have any so called friends in my inner circle. Why would one want to have people close to them that couldn’t care less about them, but just pretend to do so?

 

Okay, I’m having a bit of a rant today, but struggling to breathe every day, having CFS and going through withdrawals certainly takes its toll! 
 

Anyway, I’m going to try and get some sleep soon. 
 

I hope everyone is coping as best they can with whatever they are going through on top of withdrawals.
 

Sending love and hugs🧡🤗

[Frogie]

@Carmie

 

24 minutes ago, Carmie said:

Okay, I’ve been crying so much today as I’m not coping with struggling to breathe 24/7

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have shortness of breath so I know exactly how scary it must be for you. Can you just do some breathing exercises and meditation to try to calm yourself down. As hard as it sounds I hope you can find some peace.

 

26 minutes ago, Carmie said:

I’m grateful for all my friends that contacted me today, I’ve had messages and phone calls, but no one can help me with my breathing, so I just feel lost all the time. It feels like having an asthma attack 24/7 without any reprieve. Nothing works to settle it. I really am grateful for my friends though, they are so loyal. I love them to bits. 

You are very lucky to have such a great support system. Hang on to the love and support.

 

28 minutes ago, Carmie said:

I’ve learnt in the last few years who really are true friends. I used to be such a people pleaser that I let people walk all over me, but I’ve come so far since then. Some people who I thought were friends really weren’t. 

It takes a lot of courage and self control to be able to walk away from negativity. You are a very strong person to able to do that. You're not giving yourself enough credit.

 

30 minutes ago, Carmie said:

It feels like having an asthma attack 24/7 without any reprieve. Nothing works to settle it.

I have a cool mist humidifier that sits by my bed and blows in my face all night and I do find some relief from that. A hot steamy shower sometimes helps too. Just sitting here and doing deep breathing helps and not focusing on it. I go through it 24/7 too, so I feel for you.

 

33 minutes ago, Carmie said:

Okay, I’m having a bit of a rant today, but struggling to breathe every day, having CFS and going through withdrawals certainly takes its toll! 

You can rant here anytime! That's what we all here for. To help each other through the dark.

 

34 minutes ago, Carmie said:

Anyway, I’m going to try and get some sleep soon. 

I hope you are able to sleep well. It sounds like you need some good rest.

 

Take care of yourslef,

Frogie xx

[Carmie]

Hi @Frogie

 

Thanks for your kindness, you are a sweetie. I’m really sorry you’re struggling too, sending you hugs🤗

 

Okay, so I woke up around 2.30am this morning and haven’t been able to get back to sleep. My immune system continues to attack my lungs. Until the antibodies settle down I will be struggling to breathe. It’s not slight breathlessness, it’s so intense. My lungs are so inflamed. My immune system has been trying to destroy them for a long time now. I can imagine all the collateral damage happening in my lungs. I hope the enzymes I’m taking are helping with that.

 

I knew the antibodies from vaccines (any vax for any illness) could cause a major flare due to my autoimmune disease, but if I got the virus I could end up in hospital, could end up there anyway if just the vax does this to me. Okay, now what about boosters? It might take many, many more months for my lungs to settle a little, but that won’t happen anyway because of boosters. My COPD, which I got from an injury to my lungs, will get worse too. 

It’s easy to say to myself don’t worry about the boosters yet, I’m not due until the end of next month. It’s the reality of my situation though, saying don’t worry about it yet doesn’t change my situation though. How many boosters will I continually need? Will I be in a severe flare with inflamed lungs for years? I’m really scared. There are no answers at the moment. There’s always hope though, maybe an answer will come to light. 
 

I’m a positive person by nature, but positivity doesn’t change any of this. Even someone with a positive nature can end up in the depths of despair. Feeling like one is suffocating day in, day out, does this. 
 

I do have so many great and loyal friends that keep checking up on me. So very grateful, I have to say again. They feel so helpless too, as they can’t help me, but they help me with practical things. I’m learning to accept help. I’m not seeing them face to face at the moment, except for Zoom, but they drop things off at my door when I need something. I’m doing groceries online though, so I’m okay for that.
 

I’ve been in isolation for weeks. I’m quite happy on my own, I never feel lonely. I’ve had a number of friends ask me this week if I get lonely, nope. I’m an extrovert, but quite happy on my own.

Just calming my body doesn’t help my breathing because it isn’t caused by stress, but by the antibodies. I’ve been as calm and peaceful as anything a lot of the time, but the breathlessness is still intense. There’s no reprieve. I bought one of those contraptions that you breathe into for breathing exercises, but I’m still at a loss. 
 

I’m in a no win situation. 
 

My husband has Covid at the moment, he’s doing okay so far though, just a slight cough. I’m so glad he was vaxed. He had two really bad flus last year, but this virus hasn’t affected him too much so far. Let’s hope it stays that way. A couple of other people in his care place have it as well. He’s in isolation in his room. I’ll see how he’s doing again today.

 

A friend of mine only had slight symptoms for one day, others I know have had it more severe, but they’re all okay.
 

Just as well I’ve been isolating, otherwise I could have gotten it from my husband. This particular friend mentioned above actually works in a pathology lab, testing for the virus. She’s so busy now. 
 

Okay, time to face another day. Might try and close my eyes for a little longer. Going to do nothing much but chill today and try and cope as best I can. I feel like it’s Groundhog Day every day. 
 

Take care everyone 🧡

[Carmie]

Hope everyone is doing the best they can, going to do a gratitude list, despite all: 

 

1. My cat is lying on the bed with me, chilling😺

 

2. I’m grateful for my bed, it’s really comfortable🛏

 

3. I’m getting some groceries delivered today, ordered them a few days ago🥬🥦🫐

 

4. Got some things from Iherb delivered yesterday. I can’t eat grains so I’m trying a few products that are made with different ingredients, like cassava spaghetti. Haven’t made it yet. I can’t have nightshades, such as tomatoes🍅, so I’ll  have to put something else with the spaghetti. Can’t wait to try it n see if I like it. If I do I’ll order some more. 🍝 I also got some coconut wraps, haven’t tried them as yet either. 
 

5. Poured my heart out to a few friends yesterday and bawled my eyes out😭. I’m so grateful for my friends. Also, journaled my feelings on here too. Sometimes I feel worse when I pour out my heart🧡, but it’s all just getting too much struggling to breathe 24/7. 
 

Still in a no win situation, but I hang onto hope. 
 

6. Blue Heelers n Doc Martin have been good distractions📺

 

7. I really like the glow of my Himalayan salt lamps✨✨✨

 

8. A friend left me some 🥑🥑🥑 at my front door. Yummy!!😋😋

 

9. One of my friends also ran an errand for me. So kind💕

 

10. I appreciate all the kind people on this site🤗🤗

 

Take care everyone ❤️

[ShiningLight]

On 1/11/2022 at 4:12 AM, Carmie said:

I’ve learnt in the last few years who really are true friends. I used to be such a people pleaser that I let people walk all over me, but I’ve come so far since then. Some people who I thought were friends really weren’t. 

 

Learning about narcissism a few years ago also was such an eye opener too. It really was a light bulb moment and now I see red flags everywhere. I no longer have any so called friends in my inner circle. Why would one want to have people close to them that couldn’t care less about them, but just pretend to do so?

 

 

This.

 

Nearing the end of my 40th decade of life (like REALLY close! 😀), I've stopped chasing "friends." I've got a bunch where when we're together it's great, but it's always me doing the chasing. After seeing this dynamic play out in a 30 year friendship at my time of need, I'm disgusted and done with that. If people don't feed our friendship, I move on. I'm moving on a lot lately, but that's ok.

 

What's going on with your lungs sounds so hard. Hang in there. I know I said this to you before but it bears saying again: lung stuff is hard because it's always there, you always have to breathe, so it can be so hard to cope with your distress. 

 

[hayduke]

On 1/11/2022 at 5:53 PM, Carmie said:

Just wanted to document that I went from 4mg down to 3.95 a couple of days ago on the 8th.

 

I love how you are letting your taper continue at your own pace despite all the other crap you have to deal with right now.  Persisting but not rushing it either.  Exemplary taper management Carmie 🙂

 

❤️

[hayduke]

On 1/11/2022 at 11:12 PM, Carmie said:

Learning about narcissism a few years ago also was such an eye opener too.

 

Right on.  "The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable".  That Wizard of Oz book actually had me buying coloured highlighters the other day to go through it again.  First time I read it it hinted at being useful but now is really resonating. On that note, I just read so much better since being around or past zero.  

 

Being able to identify and heal from previous exposure to dark triad personality types, then navigate and keep them away is gold in this phase of human history. 

 

I can't help feel that most first nations civilisations had this stuff pretty much sorted, along with deep and full healing from trauma.

[Carmie]

On 1/13/2022 at 3:51 PM, ShiningLight said:

 

This.

 

Nearing the end of my 40th decade of life (like REALLY close! 😀), I've stopped chasing "friends." I've got a bunch where when we're together it's great, but it's always me doing the chasing. After seeing this dynamic play out in a 30 year friendship at my time of need, I'm disgusted and done with that. If people don't feed our friendship, I move on. I'm moving on a lot lately, but that's ok.

 

What's going on with your lungs sounds so hard. Hang in there. I know I said this to you before but it bears saying again: lung stuff is hard because it's always there, you always have to breathe, so it can be so hard to cope with your distress. 

 

 

 

On 1/13/2022 at 7:28 PM, hayduke said:

 

Right on.  "The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable".  That Wizard of Oz book actually had me buying coloured highlighters the other day to go through it again.  First time I read it it hinted at being useful but now is really resonating. On that note, I just read so much better since being around or past zero.  

 

Being able to identify and heal from previous exposure to dark triad personality types, then navigate and keep them away is gold in this phase of human history. 

 

I can't help feel that most first nations civilisations had this stuff pretty much sorted, along with deep and full healing from trauma.

Hi @ShiningLight.  @hayduke

 

I so want to help people in this community, but I’m barely keeping my head above water, struggling to breathe every day from my autoimmune flare caused by the vax. 
 

I don’t know if I can do boosters, I might have to stay at home in isolation for years the way Covid is going. My husband has it, but he’s fine. I’m sicker than him. I hope he continues to be fine. It breaks my heart that I might not be able to see him for a long, long time. I’m in a no win situation. 
 

ShiningLight, yes, it’s amazing when one really understands the red flags in toxic relationships. I won’t let anyone in my inner circle now if they display red flags. I give people the benefit of the doubt a few times, but when they continue to display toxic behaviours time after time, that’s it. I don’t feel any anger towards them, but it’s bye bye. 
 

Hey ShiningLight, I do understand your 30 year friendship with someone. I also put up with someone for about 36 years, I just kept making excuses for her behaviour, but the last message I got from her really ended that all. I had enough n that was it. I have so many kind n caring friends, why would I want to be around someone who continually puts me downs n hates when things are going well for me. She was always complaining about not having friends, I know why now. She was always jealous that I have a lot of true friends.  Covert narcissism explains so much. 
 

Hayduke, I can see that you understand too. I think you‘ve gone through the same thing. I think I’m so sick with CFS and now autoimmune problems because of the abuse I’ve gone through my whole life. My Parents are no longer alive, but they did so much damage. Why have children if you’re not there for them emotionally, but just abuse them?

 

Okay, it seems like it’s another day of pouring my heart out. 
 

Anyway, I’m going to write a gratitude list today, despite struggling to breathe. Here goes: 

 

1. I’ve had a good distraction today watching Doc Martin. Great show with beautiful scenery. 
 

2. My beautiful friends message me. 
 

3. A friend just dropped off a couple of rapid antigen tests. I’m not going anywhere, but that was so kind. I could probably still get Covid from home delivery, but hopefully not. I’m being optimistic here. 
 

4. I’ve been so weak with CFS, but I managed to have a shower. It was glorious.

 

5. I’m lying on my bed, and the breeze from the fan is just lovely. 
 

7. I can’t eat grains, and the spaghetti made from cassava was so good!! I couldn’t tell the difference. 
 

8. Love sweet potatoes. Can’t eat regular potatoes as they are nightshades.
 

9. Happy I have glasses. Can you imagine having eye problems without glasses?

 

10. Looooooooove my friends. They are the best!!!!

 

Okay, that’s it for today. I’m a mess, but I keep taking a day at a time. I’m moving forward by teeny tiny tapers as well, that’s all I can do. If I go any quicker I get severe Akathisia. 

 

Sending much love🧡🧡🧡

[Carmie]

Okay, time for my gratitude list: 

 

1. I just spoke to my husband via FaceTime📱. He’s in isolation in his room as he has Covid, but he’s fine🦠The manager there was in full PPE gear, the staff have a tough job in care homes having to be fully dressed like that all the time. 
 

Anyway, he looked really well. So grateful. 
 

2. I got some more wool, so I continue to crochet, it relaxes me🧶

 

3. Looking forward to making some more cassava spaghetti today. It doesn’t taste much different to normal spaghetti. So yummy🍝😋

 

4. Went for an evening walk last night. Great to get fresh air, and it was a beautiful evening🌖⭐️⭐️
 

5. Looking forward to having a lovely refreshing shower when I have the strength today🚿🚿🚿

 

6. Will be watching some more Doc Martin📺

 

7. Been entertaining myself with YouTube this morning. So many interesting things on there. Also, had a look at funny animal videos and pictures on Instagram 🐶🐈😍

 

8. I love the online Iherb company, I can get so many things there that I struggle to get here in Australia, especially as I’m on the AIP diet. I have to be careful about cross contamination too so I have to get products from companies where there is no risk of this.  Good ol’ online shopping! 
 

I got this cereal that’s made from coconut🥥 n cinnamon n it’s so yummy. I don’t eat it as cereal, I just put it in a bowl without adding anything to it n eat it like chips. It’s crunchy😋
 

I ordered some coconut creamer too, I want to use it with my roasted dandelion beverage☕️. I try different things all the time, n if I like them I try them again 
 

9. Love the sound of my air purifier in the evening when I go to sleep🛌
 

10. The weather is beautiful today☀️☀️
 

Another gratitude list down. 
 

Take care everyone 🧡

[Carmie]

Okay, it’s 8pm and I’ve been struggling to breathe as usual. I think I’m going to go for a walk around my neighbourhood. It’s pretty safe I think, I’m surrounded by lots of units. I need to get out. 🌳🌳🌖⭐️⭐️
 

I know this site is about withdrawals, and I’m definitely going through those despite dropping by the teeniest of amounts. Akathisia is one of the most awful things I’ve experienced in my entire life, but struggling to breathe 24/7 certainly comes a close second. I’m glad my Akathisia is under control at the moment, but I’m still suffering so much with my breathing. 
 

I just had a shower, I didn’t have the strength to do so earlier due to CFS.
 

Time to get out in the fresh air😍

[Songbird]

Hi Carmie, sorry to hear you are still having breathing problems.  I hope your flare-up settles down soon.  Sending you (((hugs))).  BTW I also quite enjoy Doc Martin!

[Carmie]

21 hours ago, Songbird said:

Hi Carmie, sorry to hear you are still having breathing problems.  I hope your flare-up settles down soon.  Sending you (((hugs))).  BTW I also quite enjoy Doc Martin!

Thanks Songbird, 

 

It’s nice to hear from you. I hope that life is treating you well. 
 

Yeah, Doc Martin is a great show. 
 

Okay, going to do my gratitude list for today: 

 

1. I’ve had such little strength, but I’m grateful I’ve found the strength to do my dishes this evening🍽🍴🍴

 

2. A friend popped around a delicious pawpaw😋

 

3. Fresh sheets are on my bed🛏

 

4. I’ve got some nice cold water at the moment🥤 and I might have a cup of rooibos tea after if I feel like a warm drink☕️. I really love green tea but don’t drink it in the evening as it has some caffeine in it. 
 

5. A friend rang☎️ to see how I was doing, but I wasn’t up to chatting. She left me a lovely message though. I messaged her back. 
 

6. The fan on me while I’m lying on my bed is glorious, love the breeze💨

 

7. I love finding new things I can eat on my AIP diet, I saw something someone posted called coconut 🥥manna, it comes in a jar n is really creamy looking. It would be good for sauces and recipes and stuff. I can order it from Iherb. I don’t know if I’ll like certain things, but I’ll give it a go anyway. It broadens my diet. 
 

I haven’t done any AIP baking as yet. I mainly eat my fruit and veggies ( minus nightshades) and meat and seafood🍏🍉🫐🥬🥦🥑🥕🧅🍠🥩🐟. I’m slowly finding AIP compliant foods that people have made, such as spaghetti noodles made from cassava, instead of grains🍝. I can’t have tomatoes, so I put other things with it.

 

I actually made like a noodle dish 🍜 with them. I just broke them into short bits and put vegetables n meat through them and flavoured them with coconut aminos. It’s kind of like soy sauce, but it’s not soy, I can’t have legumes. It comes from the tree, not the actual coconut. It’s really good. 
 

8. Internet banking is great. Love how one can pay one’s bills over the internet. Direct Debit is so good too, don’t have to think about certain bills.👍

 

9. Love the night air, not up to going for a walk tonight, but my windows are open🪟🪟

 

10. I’ve been distracting myself with watching Blue Heelers 📺today, as well as YouTube videos. You can go down quite a rabbit hole when it comes to YouTube. There are subjects on everything!

 

Well, that’s my list for today. Have to go downstairs n take the garbage out when I have a little strength. 
 

Sending hugs🤗

[ShiningLight]

Carmie,

 

Wow that sounds like an awful "friend" (we have to put it in quotes). I'm glad you decided to give her the boot. I told some people about the long friendship and then I felt dumb for putting up with it for so long.

 

I hope your husband gets well soon.

 

You are in my thoughts often. It sucks that the vaccine worsened your health conditions. I wish you and your 🫁 much healing and love.