trenace: is this serious withdrawal after a year?

[trenace]

- Trigger Warning -

I had a few good days over summer but as winters set in my akathisias come back. Not regularly like the start just over the past couple days it's been there. Not like the beginning but like 6 or 7/10. It's gone for the time being but It comes with a rage just like the beginning too. Feel like tearing out of my skin. Last time I had it was over 5 years ago. It's enough to put me out of commission from the little activities I had started doing with my friend. Going to the movies and occasionally eating out. It's really pushing me over the edge.

Other symptoms that haven't resolved.

Insomnia, sleep after 9am every day. Sometimes so exhausted I sleep at 11pm but always wake an hour or so later.

Mood swings, depression anxiety/fear and rage. horrendous enough to make it impossible to plan anything still.

Bloated stomach digestive problems, just as bad as 7 years ago. Had a handful of days 6 months ago when it was better.

Itchy skin rashes always coincide with bad sleep. 

Cortisol mornings heart pounding mostly when I wake although not 100% of the time.

Vivid dreams/nightmares still an issue whenever I sleep.

Pssd, defo made worse by moods. But usually little to no sex drive.

Still can't exercise except for walking. Last time I overdid it in summer I had a brutal suicidally depressive wave that lasted a week

DR brain fog, slightly better but hard to notice when I feel terrible in other ways.

Light sound sensitivity depends on how bad the wave is that I'm in. Sometimes I can't tolerate either other times I can.

Appetite, non existent when I'm bad. Ok when my wave isn't too severe.

I'm just tryna wait it out till I don't want to die all the time, aurorax mentioned it was at the 5 year mark for her but **** me my timeline is horrendous even by those standards. I'd read horror stories and freak out in the beginning and I still can't believe I'm actually one of them now. Other symptoms that don't bother me as much.

Jaw pain tension, tooth sensitivity, ocd (sometimes it's really bad tho) tinnitus (rare enough that it doesn't affect me for long) 

Anyone link to a story that was this bad this far out and got better?

 

 

 

 

 

[trenace]

Symptoms that have gone.

Full body pain agitation, can't describe it that well but it's gone. It was up there with akathisia in it's in intensity tho.

Blurred vision.

Horrendous 24 hour anxiety and panic (read someone describe it as feeling like a raw nerve) 

I genuinely can't remember much more but I know there's actually tons more. I think our brain just tries to forget and when your constantly it's so much distress it's hard to pinpoint exactly the ways in which you've improved. It occasionally felt better over the summer but just as September ended I've gone back into a wave and felt like I've gone back a good few years. I'll update improvements when I've slept.

[DaBro]

1 hour ago, trenace said:

- Trigger Warning -

I had a few good days over summer but as winters set in my akathisias come back. Not regularly like the start just over the past couple days it's been there. Not like the beginning but like 6 or 7/10. It's gone for the time being but It comes with a rage just like the beginning too. Feel like tearing out of my skin. Last time I had it was over 5 years ago. It's enough to put me out of commission from the little activities I had started doing with my friend. Going to the movies and occasionally eating out. It's really pushing me over the edge.

Other symptoms that haven't resolved.

Insomnia, sleep after 9am every day. Sometimes so exhausted I sleep at 11pm but always wake an hour or so later.

Mood swings, depression anxiety/fear and rage. horrendous enough to make it impossible to plan anything still.

Bloated stomach digestive problems, just as bad as 7 years ago. Had a handful of days 6 months ago when it was better.

Itchy skin rashes always coincide with bad sleep. 

Cortisol mornings heart pounding mostly when I wake although not 100% of the time.

Vivid dreams/nightmares still an issue whenever I sleep.

Pssd, defo made worse by moods. But usually little to no sex drive.

Still can't exercise except for walking. Last time I overdid it in summer I had a brutal suicidally depressive wave that lasted a week

DR brain fog, slightly better but hard to notice when I feel terrible in other ways.

Light sound sensitivity depends on how bad the wave is that I'm in. Sometimes I can't tolerate either other times I can.

Appetite, non existent when I'm bad. Ok when my wave isn't too severe.

I'm just tryna wait it out till I don't want to die all the time, aurorax mentioned it was at the 5 year mark for her but **** me my timeline is horrendous even by those standards. I'd read horror stories and freak out in the beginning and I still can't believe I'm actually one of them now. Other symptoms that don't bother me as much.

Jaw pain tension, tooth sensitivity, ocd (sometimes it's really bad tho) tinnitus (rare enough that it doesn't affect me for long) 

Anyone link to a story that was this bad this far out and got better?

 

 

 

 

 

I admire your stamina @trenace  it’s good to hear that you’ve had some good long periods and the intensity of the wave is less than before. 
 

I’m coming up to 4 years post Sertraline CT and have just had a 6 week long wave, with insomnia, intrusive thoughts, brain fog, toothache and head tension being the worst symptoms. I’d also describe it as 6-7/10 and nowhere near as bad as 12-18 months after CT. I’d hoped to be clear, but am accepting these waves may persist for some time. I’ve had some great long periods where I’ve felt 100% this year, so on balance things are very good. 
 

glad you’re coming through it. You’re not alone 🙂

[trenace]

On 11/5/2022 at 9:44 AM, DaBro said:

I admire your stamina @trenace  it’s good to hear that you’ve had some good long periods and the intensity of the wave is less than before. 
 

I’m coming up to 4 years post Sertraline CT and have just had a 6 week long wave, with insomnia, intrusive thoughts, brain fog, toothache and head tension being the worst symptoms. I’d also describe it as 6-7/10 and nowhere near as bad as 12-18 months after CT. I’d hoped to be clear, but am accepting these waves may persist for some time. I’ve had some great long periods where I’ve felt 100% this year, so on balance things are very good. 
 

glad you’re coming through it. You’re not alone 🙂

Well the severe wave ended, I'm back to dirty windows for now. It really becomes a mission this far out but I'm still sticking with it. I think if I get to a point where I'm able to work or even consider work Ill know 100% that I've turned a corner. It's just definitely not possible with how bad my sleep and severe waves are right now. Glad you seem well on the way to recovery bro, success stories always help. I think they're the best resource on this site tbh. Just wish there were more lol. I can see why some peeps would just move on though.

[DaBro]

Mine has passed too. I just had a week in the US with work, just needed 10 hours sleep a night to recharge and a bit of magnesium Glycinate to help me sleep through the jetlag and head twinges. 
 

hope you make it back to being able to work. Hang in there. 

[trenace]

Hi everyone. Hope everyones okay. I'm actually not doing very well at all. Still got dozens of symptoms and don't really see anyone these days. I've got 1 friend left who I text and my sister who looks after me. I'll start with what I'm doing.

I exercise with light weights in my bedroom which sort of just dulls me mentally for awhile but if I overdo it I feel pretty terrible.

I've tried Soo many things with my diet and every one makes me much worse. I find if I just stick to a dirty meal here and there and meat and potatoes I'm usually stable. (That just constitutes feeling like crap anyway)

My stomach is actually worse now than 7 years ago. I've got almost no motility unless I use laxatives and just burp all day, struggle to stand up because of it and it's bloated to and insane degree and hurts. Diarrhea and constipation alternate. I can hardly drink water even because it just gets stuck somewhere in there. Mental symptoms DR has improved but I have the rest of the mood swings, I'm sure I don't need to explain. All the negative ones. Still got pssd can't feel love or affection plenty of anhedonia etc. Lots of fatigue/agitation/hopelessness  intrusives and anxiety. Vivid dreams, waking in fear with heart palps and brutal insomnia still. Had a day of crying a couple days ago which I hadn't had for awhile tbh so that's good. All things considered I don't have a clue what to do so I'm just praying and trying to force sleep at random times and exercising a little. I know everyone starting out isnt going to want to read this so if there's a way to block it from others then feel free but id still like some advice if possible. I probably won't kill myself but it's all I've been thinking about recently. I think long termers tend to just drift in these forums, I can't imagine there's much you can help them with but if anyone's got any advice I'd be grateful. Thanks in advance 🙏

[trenace]

If someone could help me with my stomach motility that'd be massive. Can't eat hardly any I'm losing so much weight. I took magnesium about 5 years ago and reacted horribly. I might try that again maybe. Is there anything anyone else has done?

[DataGuy]

Hi @trenace,

 

You said you have tried so many things with your diet...I kind of forget now, but have you tried an elimination diet? I know a couple other people who've had similar problems and it seemed to clear up after eliminating certain foods. Do you regularly eat any of the following: chocolate, shellfish, tomatoes, cinnamon, cheese, pepper (even ground pepper) gluten, Dairy products, nuts?

 

If you want to start very basic, you could just eat beef and rice and then go from there. Typically people can tolerate those two foods. 

 

I am not really sure why some people become intolerant to certain foods in wd, but it definitely seems to be a thing. 

 

Alternatively, you could try fasting...and if you feel better, you'll know it is something to do with food...but I'm sure I have already suggested that. 

 

Hang in there, @trenace. Hopefully we can find something that improves things for you. 

[trenace]

I know I keep posting but I forget to mention, my stomachs not been good since withdrawal but it got much worse over the summer when I got COVID or something. I react to a lot of supplements but I'm willing to try anything to get the food moving. It feels like the muscles are frozen or something. Ive also got candida and probably sibo now as well as my skin gets very itchy and I break out in rashes/psoriasis and other symptoms that get more severe when I eat sugar and junk. However when I eliminate everything it send my withdrawal into overdrive. Maybe it causes due off and a shock to the system.

[trenace]

Just now, DataGuy said:

Hi @trenace,

 

You said you have tried so many things with your diet...I kind of forget now, but have you tried an elimination diet? I know a couple other people who've had similar problems and it seemed to clear up after eliminating certain foods. Do you regularly eat any of the following: chocolate, shellfish, tomatoes, cinnamon, cheese, pepper (even ground pepper) gluten, Dairy products, nuts?

 

If you want to start very basic, you could just eat beef and rice and then go from there. Typically people can tolerate those two foods. 

 

I am not really sure why some people become intolerant to certain foods in wd, but it definitely seems to be a thing. 

 

Alternatively, you could try fasting...and if you feel better, you'll know it is something to do with food...but I'm sure I have already suggested that. 

 

Hang in there, @trenace. Hopefully we can find something that improves things for you. 

Hi dataguy hope your doing well? I've gone onto only meat and potatoes for a few months at a time, earlier in the year it seemed to help but about 3 months in it made my stomach alot worse and now it doesn't seem to do anything. Rice and lamb I seem okay with but I'll still have constipation without laxatives, but the bloating seems to be very slightly better. I think the nerves in my stomach just aren't working or something.

[trenace]

It's strange because this morning I just gave up and had a pizza and im sure I felt better then than i do now after chicken and potatoes.

[DataGuy]

8 minutes ago, trenace said:

Hi dataguy hope your doing well? I've gone onto only meat and potatoes for a few months at a time, earlier in the year it seemed to help but about 3 months in it made my stomach alot worse and now it doesn't seem to do anything. Rice and lamb I seem okay with but I'll still have constipation without laxatives, but the bloating seems to be very slightly better. I think the nerves in my stomach just aren't working or something.

 

I am doing alright, working a few days a week, but I think I know what you mean with food and stomach problems. I have had the same issues. I'm surprised you can tolerate potatoes so well. I certainly can't. They are a nightshade...you may want to try subbing them out for rice, or oatmeal or something like that and see if that helps. 

 

Does anything help with the constipation? I have found beef + some type of fat and protein help when my nervous system is overactive, while eat carbs will help if my system is feeling slower (if I feel heavy and muscles seem weak). I have mild dysautonomia, so really depends on the state of my nervous system. Exercise also seems to help. Everything is also better if I sleep well, typically. 

[DataGuy]

20 minutes ago, trenace said:

It's strange because this morning I just gave up and had a pizza and im sure I felt better then than i do now after chicken and potatoes.

Maybe you should just eat pizza lol. Doctors orders!

[trenace]

6 hours ago, DataGuy said:

Maybe you should just eat pizza lol. Doctors orders!

Lol I'm gna havve vegetables today instead of potatoes but I feel like I'm still gna have crazy bloating. I'll see

[DataGuy]

How are you doing, @trenace?

[trenace]

On 10/27/2023 at 2:34 PM, DataGuy said:

How are you doing, @trenace?

Hi dataguy, the good is that I've started exercising again and I think it helps slightly to move the food through my stomach some days but it's reduced my appetite alot. I don't understand why. Mentally I feel down but it's weird because since I started exercising my moods a little better in patches but I don't have anything to do or anywhere to go so I just started going for walks at night. I usually get to sleep for midnight and wake up at 2/3 ish and can't get back to sleep until the early hours. Ive developed some kind of health anxiety or OCD because I have days where I'm obsessing relentlessly about my health issues, exercise helps it very slightly. I'm gna stick to this exercise routine for while, it's only jump rope and some bodyweight exercises. I've a torn shoulder and I've put off surgery because I'm worried about another setback so I'll just think about that later. Sorry for the life story. Are u doing okay? 

[DataGuy]

That's great that you started exercising again, @trenace. I'm not sure why it would be suppressing your appetite. Might just be a temporary thing as you get into better shape?

 

What did you do to your shoulder? Sometimes you can try to rehab it without surgery. People will even rehab torn ACLs without surgery and sometimes have better results. (I think there are actually randomized trials to support that).

 

I can definitely sympathize with the health anxiety. Have you found any foods you tolerate better? I've recently found ultra-boring oatmeal is pretty well received by my system. 

 

I have been walking at night almost every night for 5 years now. Usually around 2 or 3am. Can get a bit cold in the winter, but I find it helps to calm my nervous system and get me back to sleep. Not what you are supposed to do according to CBT for insomnia, but I'm not sure that program works too well anyway. Pretty unique situation, in any case. 

[trenace]

On 11/11/2023 at 2:28 AM, DataGuy said:

That's great that you started exercising again, @trenace. I'm not sure why it would be suppressing your appetite. Might just be a temporary thing as you get into better shape?

 

What did you do to your shoulder? Sometimes you can try to rehab it without surgery. People will even rehab torn ACLs without surgery and sometimes have better results. (I think there are actually randomized trials to support that).

 

I can definitely sympathize with the health anxiety. Have you found any foods you tolerate better? I've recently found ultra-boring oatmeal is pretty well received by my system. 

 

I have been walking at night almost every night for 5 years now. Usually around 2 or 3am. Can get a bit cold in the winter, but I find it helps to calm my nervous system and get me back to sleep. Not what you are supposed to do according to CBT for insomnia, but I'm not sure that program works too well anyway. Pretty unique situation, in any case. 

Yeh I find it helps me somewhat although I still have alotta bad spells. Pretty depressed right now in fact. Some days I eat better but it just depends on my mood and stomach. I think rice and meat is okay but if I'm depressed even those just linger. I also find that I need to stay away from any kind of emotional stress because that gives me a solid day or two of the blues. The docs didn't ever really go into detail about my shoulder apart from saying it's inflamed but I'm doing my own rehab and some days it feels slightly better and other days it feels like it going to fall apart so I'm just doing guesswork as usual. I'm glad walking helps you but it doesn't seem to do much for me tbh. I'm just going to keep plodding away like I have been doing. It's gotta get better one day.

[DataGuy]

Sorry you were feeling depressed, @trenace, hope it has improved some. Yes, just keep plodding along and don't give up trying to find ways to make yourself feel better : )

 

I am sort of amazed at how much exercise helps me. I know so many people who say they are sensitive to it or it makes them worse, but it's been very rare for exercise to make me worse. The only downside is ending up with overuse injuries. I've had quite a few of those, but most have healed ok with time and a bit of rehab. One (achilles) took almost a year to get better. 

 

I still have quite a few bad spells too. Work has been difficult and a source of stress. There have been plenty of days when I think 'I probably shouldn't be working'. But it is nice when you finally have a day where you sleep ok, can eat and have some energy. Hope you have some of those soon. 

[trenace]

On 12/14/2023 at 5:25 PM, DataGuy said:

Sorry you were feeling depressed, @trenace, hope it has improved some. Yes, just keep plodding along and don't give up trying to find ways to make yourself feel better : )

 

I am sort of amazed at how much exercise helps me. I know so many people who say they are sensitive to it or it makes them worse, but it's been very rare for exercise to make me worse. The only downside is ending up with overuse injuries. I've had quite a few of those, but most have healed ok with time and a bit of rehab. One (achilles) took almost a year to get better. 

 

I still have quite a few bad spells too. Work has been difficult and a source of stress. There have been plenty of days when I think 'I probably shouldn't be working'. But it is nice when you finally have a day where you sleep ok, can eat and have some energy. Hope you have some of those soon. 

I'm sorry I've replied so late, I've had an insane few months. In bad ways, good ways and great ways. I'll report back soon. I hope you're well dataguy you've helped me in ways u don't realise.

[DataGuy]

Glad to hear about the good and great times, @trenace. I really do hope I said something useful! Keep fighting the good fight and look forward to hearing from you : ) ✊💪