trenace: is this serious withdrawal after a year?

[trenace]

Sometimes I think there's no point in continuing with this. Its gna be too late to do anything with my life if I ever do recover which I doubt anyway. Going to be 6 years tmrw that I've just lay around suffering. Can't even say I haven't tried. I've done everything I can over the years and I've not even come close to feeling normal. 

[Rosetta]

I’m sorry you are suffering so much.  It’s very hard to wait that long for healing.  Even amoxicillin can hurt us? Good grief!  I understand your anger completely, and it’s justified.  Sometimes, anger got me through a bad day.  Sometimes, it hurt me, but it’s justified for what these doctors have done.  I hope you feel better soon, Trenace.
Rosetta

[DataGuy]

I hope you are feeling better today @trenace. Regardless of how you feel in any given moment, try to remember that you are still going to experience windows and waves. If you feel terrible now, you'll feel better later. Of course the opposite is true, but you can at least enjoy the windows for what they are.

 

I think if you are honest with yourself, you will see that you have improved. It may not be as much as you'd want, but I think we've been over the fact that there are good reasons for that. If we believe this was an injury to your nervous system, then unfortunately cannabis + antibiotics can be pretty rough on that system (even neurotoxic, see: here). If you think about it, were you to have a concussion, you wouldn't want to continue knocking your head while trying to recover. Football players who receive repeated blows to the head do not tend to do very well later in life, having a much higher rate of neurodegenerative conditions than the general population. This is not to say that you can't recover, only that there are very good reasons why it has been difficult, and those are not really your fault. You just needed much better guidance and medical help. 

 

But I think you have a better idea of how to recover now, so you just have to keep your eyes on that. Sometimes you'll feel bad, and sometimes you'll feel better, and eventually, you'll feel a lot better. It's just going to take quite a bit of time and patience. You do have the big advantage of being relatively young. Can't be giving up on things this early : )

[trenace]

I do feel slightly better if tired today. I felt so down and depressed for a few days and I guess it wears you down after a while. I know I've improved. I just have to stick with it.

[trenace]

On 12/30/2021 at 11:02 PM, Rosetta said:

I’m sorry you are suffering so much.  It’s very hard to wait that long for healing.  Even amoxicillin can hurt us? Good grief!  I understand your anger completely, and it’s justified.  Sometimes, anger got me through a bad day.  Sometimes, it hurt me, but it’s justified for what these doctors have done.  I hope you feel better soon, Trenace.
Rosetta

And yes Rosetta. Be careful with antibiotics of any kind although there's plenty of peeps who don't react. I had quite a Terrible reaction, felt exactly like another cold turkey tbh and it only became apparent after the full course. So really I couldn't have known.

[Rosetta]

Yes, it’s awful that there is no immediate indication that a bad reaction is occurring.

[PsychologicalSafe15]

@trenace My doctor is soon prescribing me antibiotic. I am extremely worried it will worsen the situation.

 

please can you tell which antibiotic you took ? SO I can prevent myself from taking that. please please please

 

I am extremely suicidal because of all these issues

[trenace]

On 1/2/2022 at 4:22 PM, PsychologicalSafe15 said:

@trenace My doctor is soon prescribing me antibiotic. I am extremely worried it will worsen the situation.

 

please can you tell which antibiotic you took ? SO I can prevent myself from taking that. please please please

 

I am extremely suicidal because of all these issues

I took amoxicillin and I only reacted after the full course. 

[trenace]

On 1/2/2022 at 4:22 PM, PsychologicalSafe15 said:

@trenace My doctor is soon prescribing me antibiotic. I am extremely worried it will worsen the situation.

 

please can you tell which antibiotic you took ? SO I can prevent myself from taking that. please please please

 

I am extremely suicidal because of all these issues

Just another few words of advice for you. I don't know if your stressing due to your thoughts racing because of withdrawal anxiety or any other psychological withdrawal symptom or maybe because your naturally an overthinker but you need to try and relax. I don't want to undermine your issues but they're relatively mild in comparison to what could have happened (trust me on that) and they're going to improve and get better whether you stress or not. So for the time being you just try and focus on your engineering, be careful with what you put into your body and sooner or later these symptoms your having will begin to fade and you won't even noticing them dropping one by one. Ask your doctor for a mild antibiotic or of it's not even an issue that requires antibiotics you can go without.

[PsychologicalSafe15]

On 1/4/2022 at 10:19 AM, trenace said:

Just another few words of advice for you. I don't know if your stressing due to your thoughts racing because of withdrawal anxiety or any other psychological withdrawal symptom or maybe because your naturally an overthinker but you need to try and relax. I don't want to undermine your issues but they're relatively mild in comparison to what could have happened (trust me on that) and they're going to improve and get better whether you stress or not. So for the time being you just try and focus on your engineering, be careful with what you put into your body and sooner or later these symptoms your having will begin to fade and you won't even noticing them dropping one by one. Ask your doctor for a mild antibiotic or of it's not even an issue that requires antibiotics you can go without.

this is a huge reply. Thank you.

[PsychologicalSafe15]

Actually my semen leaks when I sleep. This never happened before. It started to happen when I quit fluoxetine. Because of this I am so suicidal. I dont like to do anything . I dont want to focus on my health, I dont want to study, I am hopeless . I dont even know will it be healed or not. Sexual dysfunction takes lots of time and sometime is permanent . THis is what gives me sadness and depression.

[Mike8989]

Hi guys,

 

I'm looking for people's previous experiences on this barbaric drug.

 

Long story short I tapered too hard from 50mg per day to 0mg over a 3 month period.

 

Reinstated to 20mg because I couldn't function and every symptom went, apart from one. CONSTANT NAUSEA. 

 

I have felt sick everyday since July 2020 without a day's break.... the dizziness, vertigo, shaking went but not the above.

 

Do we think that this is still withdrawals or anxiety underneath the surface.

 

I don't feel anxious, but I'm always agitated/irritated in my own skin but not scared on doing things.....

 

The constant prevents me from enjoying anything now and my life is on hold.

 

I'm happy to start taking medication again but as i said i would really relish fellow people's opinions on whether this is withdrawals or anxiety....

 

Thanks in advance.

 

Mike

[trenace]

3 hours ago, PsychologicalSafe15 said:

Actually my semen leaks when I sleep. This never happened before. It started to happen when I quit fluoxetine. Because of this I am so suicidal. I dont like to do anything . I dont want to focus on my health, I dont want to study, I am hopeless . I dont even know will it be healed or not. Sexual dysfunction takes lots of time and sometime is permanent . THis is what gives me sadness and depression.

I understand, but you have to realise that it's not permanent. There's so many different experiences on the internet and alot of those people just dissapear and its usually because they've recovered and want to move on with their lives. All that's left is a horror story of which we don't know the outcome. Just distract and study and soon it'll be better and you'll dissapear from these forums too lol.

[trenace]

1 hour ago, Mike8989 said:

Hi guys,

 

I'm looking for people's previous experiences on this barbaric drug.

 

Long story short I tapered too hard from 50mg per day to 0mg over a 3 month period.

 

Reinstated to 20mg because I couldn't function and every symptom went, apart from one. CONSTANT NAUSEA. 

 

I have felt sick everyday since July 2020 without a day's break.... the dizziness, vertigo, shaking went but not the above.

 

Do we think that this is still withdrawals or anxiety underneath the surface.

 

I don't feel anxious, but I'm always agitated/irritated in my own skin but not scared on doing things.....

 

The constant prevents me from enjoying anything now and my life is on hold.

 

I'm happy to start taking medication again but as i said i would really relish fellow people's opinions on whether this is withdrawals or anxiety....

 

Thanks in advance.

 

Mike

Hi Mike, personally I feel it's withdrawal but I'm no expert at all. I cold turkeyd and got blasted for the next few years up until now but I have had nausea and anger/irritation as a constant thorn in my side throughout this withdrawal. A mod will probably come along soon and give you better guidance than me. It's funny how different everyone's experiences are. 

[trenace]

Anyone else get waves of depression where your head and body feel like they weigh a ton? Where you can't even think of anything positive because it'll turn negative and send shockwaves of agitation and frustration through your stomach and chest? I've got that now and it sucks ass. How does everyone else cope?

[ChessieCat]

I try to be gentle with myself and try to remind myself that it will pass and that I just need to do what I can to get through the time until things improve.  I also find it helpful to do some concentrated deep breathing (relaxation) and self talk telling myself that I understand what is happening and that I will be okay.  You need to be careful that you don't add secondary anxiety because that adds more symptoms which if you continue to allow it, it can end up being a panic attack.

 

See the labeled diagram on this page:

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/anxiety-self-help/

 

I've just read this posted by another member:

 

6 hours ago, Jadenatalie said:

 

It's overall is getting easier i think, but i do still have harder days, days when i feel particularly low/tearful. But, i try not to let this discourage me too much as i realise since being in withdrawal that nothing lasts forever, no feeling or thought lasts forever, life is constantly changing and evolving and the next day might be a good day like you said!

 

 

[trenace]

On 1/13/2022 at 9:14 PM, ChessieCat said:

I try to be gentle with myself and try to remind myself that it will pass and that I just need to do what I can to get through the time until things improve.  I also find it helpful to do some concentrated deep breathing (relaxation) and self talk telling myself that I understand what is happening and that I will be okay.  You need to be careful that you don't add secondary anxiety because that adds more symptoms which if you continue to allow it, it can end up being a panic attack.

 

See the labeled diagram on this page:

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/anxiety-self-help/

 

I've just read this posted by another member:

 

 

Well thankfully it's passed. And thank you for the advice, I have a habit of snowballing my negative thoughts although sometimes I feel it's beyond my control. I've sort of been ignoring over the past few weeks aswell that some strange sense of wellbeing has cropped up. Like, it's hard to explain. I still have all my symptoms but underneath all the sadness and anxiety and anger there's an emotional connection to others that I haven't felt for years. In maybe 2 weeks now it's dissapeared once and that was yestrday morning. I haven't allowed myself to acknowledge it because I'm scared it's going to vanish again but it's there. It's helping me to talk about how I'm feeling more with my friends and family. Most of my withdrawal, I've just felt lobotomised, with bursts of fear, anger and sadness. So basically, even tho I feel terrible, just under the surface I feel nice. I probably sound like I'm insane or something I don't know. I felt incredibly suicidal yestrday but I called my friend at 5am and just told him how I felt instead of bottling it up. I always ramble I've realised, thank you again for the advice, I'm going to pass the time until I get tired. 4am now sleeps much worse for some reason lol 

[DataGuy]

Hope you continue to feel better, @trenace. Having read your old posts and your later ones, I have definitely noticed some good humor and a more carefree, accepting attitude in your later posts. We'll always fall back into waves we can't control, but - as Chessiecat said - it's important to keep in mind that these are temporary. It can be tough. The feelings can be very intense. But waves can also have a way of smartening us up and getting us back on track if we've let ourselves slip into bad habits. It was in some of my deepest waves that I decided I had to change my behavior, or try different things that ended up working well for me, like intermittent fasting, when normally I may not have tried something like that had I not been so desperate. But it can be anything. Exercising, doing yoga or meditation, avoiding junk foods (if you're really desperate!). Doing things like this can help to take your mind off what is happening and at least give you some sense of control back.

 

Hopefully your upward trajectory has continued since we last spoke. Ttyl : )

[trenace]

On 2/3/2022 at 10:59 PM, DataGuy said:

Hope you continue to feel better, @trenace. Having read your old posts and your later ones, I have definitely noticed some good humor and a more carefree, accepting attitude in your later posts. We'll always fall back into waves we can't control, but - as Chessiecat said - it's important to keep in mind that these are temporary. It can be tough. The feelings can be very intense. But waves can also have a way of smartening us up and getting us back on track if we've let ourselves slip into bad habits. It was in some of my deepest waves that I decided I had to change my behavior, or try different things that ended up working well for me, like intermittent fasting, when normally I may not have tried something like that had I not been so desperate. But it can be anything. Exercising, doing yoga or meditation, avoiding junk foods (if you're really desperate!). Doing things like this can help to take your mind off what is happening and at least give you some sense of control back.

 

Hopefully your upward trajectory has continued since we last spoke. Ttyl : )

Hi dataguy, I don't think it's an upward trajectory tbh but underneath my symptoms I do feel some of my emotions again. Occasionally I feel overwhelmed with them but it's tough to explain. Feels like coming out of a fog. Speaking of fog lol, I do still have brainfog DR, the odd rage/depression spell here and there and I've just woken now in fear with a cortisol surge. But, I haven't had it in over a week, I just thought maybe it had gone for good but nah. It has to come back, like an ex that still has your phone number haha. I'm hoping if I ignore her she'll just ring less and less and finally give up. I do have a few symptoms that are disabling but they're not here 24/7. There's a hypersensitivity to every pain and sensation in my body that comes and goes and it really gets me down but I try and cry it off when I get it. Sleeps all over the place, still get random spells of exhaustion and still can't sleep at night all the way but at least I eventually do sleep I guess. There was a week or so where I could take my mind off withdrawal so maybe it is an upward trajectory. I think I've gotten into the habit of negative thinking automatically.

Sorry for the most tedious reply ever man, I hope your feeling better. 🙂

[trenace]

Well my emotions have gone again. **** my sh*tty life.

I ******* hate God so much it's unreal. Ruthless bastard.

Swear if I could make sure the ***** wasn't real I could eat all the codeine in the house and I'd down them with as much booze as I could get my hands on.

[DataGuy]

Hope you feel better now, @trenace. Life can definitely be tough in wd. But it will improve. 

 

I have had a few days where I worked or moved boxes for a good 8 hours a day (sometimes 12). Never would have been able to do that a couple years ago. Progress is frustratingly slow, but it is there if you look. 

[trenace]

I felt pretty horrendous for about a week. Incredibly angry and dysphoric. Think it was triggered by playing football. I ran my ass off for an hour after 3 years of doing nothing. Now I'm slightly dysphoric and anhedonic. Emotions are back tho very slightly. Toughest thing in the world this. I get so damn fed up sometimes, just ruminating about everything. Incredibly hard to see the end and sometimes it's worse because I feel as if the end isn't even worth it. Going to have to rebuild so much of my life. Start at square one at God knows what age.

[ChessieCat]

6 hours ago, trenace said:

Incredibly hard to see the end and sometimes it's worse because I feel as if the end isn't even worth it. Going to have to rebuild so much of my life. Start at square one at God knows what age.

 

Yes it can be difficult.  And it is important to understand that everything has changed during the time; the world, other people and ourselves.

 

Sometimes we fall into the trap of thinking/believing that whilst we have been/are struggling that other people have been/are doing okay.  But in most instances that is not the case.  Everyone has issues in their lives, just different issues and at different times, and when these issues occur each person has to get through them.

 

I think realising and understanding the above can help us to not feel like a victim.  There are things that I have learned through getting off my drugs that are now helping me with life in general and other non drug health issues.

[trenace]

18 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Yes it can be difficult.  And it is important to understand that everything has changed during the time; the world, other people and ourselves.

 

Sometimes we fall into the trap of thinking/believing that whilst we have been/are struggling that other people have been/are doing okay.  But in most instances that is not the case.  Everyone has issues in their lives, just different issues and at different times, and when these issues occur each person has to get through them.

 

I think realising and understanding the above can help us to not feel like a victim.  There are things that I have learned through getting off my drugs that are now helping me with life in general and other non drug health issues.

I agree, partly. Everyone I know personally has issues however it doesn't help thinking about that when my brains forcing me to be seething with rage and negativity. I don't think there's anything as psychologically damaging or challenging as long-term psychiatric drug withdrawal. Not feeling like a victim only comes from recovery aswell as the skills that this period of my life will bring. I'll make sure to utilise those skills when I'm playing croquet with the other pensioners.

[trenace]

I'm in a bad place. My stomachs bloated out, I can't breathe properly and I got pains all over my body. I'm also struggling to feel anything positive about my situation, I got brainfog and DR quite severely. I'm in year 6 and I need some reassurance. I was gna overdose on Sunday but a friend called me and I broke down on the phone. I don't Wana keep bothering anyone but this is past any kind of logic or reasoning how I can exist like this constantly with no optimism. Anyone this bad so far out because I'm struggling to relate to any success stories at this stage. They just seem like made up stories to me or even if they're true they don't really Chnage anything. Genuinley starting to believe that some people don't dissapear from here because they're better. They just kill themselves .

[DataGuy]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, @trenace. Yes, it's true people die - usually by suicide - in withdrawal. But no one wants you to be one of those people. Stick around and you will get better. You are still plenty young. 

 

@Altostrata's withdrawal lasted 11 years and she still ended up being very productive and contributing enormously to medicine's knowledge of psychotropic drug withdrawal. It can take a long time for your system to heal, but it will heal if you let it. 

 

It's ok to feel pessimistic sometimes. You will certainly get depressed in your situation and almost anyone would, there is no shame in that. But you will have days when you feel better, and you have had days like that already. You just need to look back on those and realize they will happen again, that they are a sign of healing, that you have made progress, however slow, and that it is natural that your body has healed, and will continue to heal. It may help to read some of your older posts.

Setbacks / waves and windows are a normal part of healing in withdrawal. No one really knows why they happen, but there are hypotheses that the system needs to experience these states in order to adapt back to normal. The overstimulation may simply be an impetus for the system to oppose it by upregulating inhibitory receptors (like GABA). I know it is tough when it is still happening after so long, but try not to let it get you too down, @trenace. It is very likely a sign your body is healing and everyone experiences it to some degree. Hope you feel better soon, bud : )

[trenace]

I dunno man, it doesn't make much difference to me what anybody else wants. Their lives are objectively easier. 11 years just isn't doable tbh, I dunno what her withdrawal was like but I'm basically having a day a week where I've got zero sexdrive and my moods good then 5/6 days where I'm depressed and raging. Can't even play video games or watch anything without breaking down and crying with anger. I could exercise for a month or so but it makes me feel worse now. Its just a sh*tty existence. Everyone else seems to have some sort of progress they can point to. I got no aim and no goals cept getting through a day. I'm getting so angry talking about it. I guess after a certain point talking doesn't even help. 

[DataGuy]

I think things should improve with time, but they will always be waxing and waning. I agree, other people's opinions are not too relevant. But generally, if you just get through the bad periods - distracting and doing whatever you need to do to make yourself feel better - you will eventually hit a bit of a window and get some relief. 

 

Hope you are feeling better, @trenace. I know what you are going through is not easy. 

[trenace]

7 hours ago, DataGuy said:

I think things should improve with time, but they will always be waxing and waning. I agree, other people's opinions are not too relevant. But generally, if you just get through the bad periods - distracting and doing whatever you need to do to make yourself feel better - you will eventually hit a bit of a window and get some relief. 

 

Hope you are feeling better, @trenace. I know what you are going through is not easy. 

Thanks Dataguy and sorry for being so miserable. Today has been slightly better after a long week. Its the length of time that really gets me down but I do try and stick with it. I hope you're okay.

[DataGuy]

Yes, the length can really be bothersom. Hope you can just take it day by day. Glad you're feeling a bit better, @trenace.

[trenace]

Anyone had experience with the flu in withdrawal? I've got a fever and I'm 100% sure it's wrecked my sleep. Sleep quality declined around a week ago and lo and behold I've suddenly got aches pains, sore throat, fever. The 2 have to be connected. I sleep around 2/4 hours at roughly 11pm and then another hour or so in the afternoon. Needless to say I'm incredibly irritable, tired and rundown but when I'm just dozing off I'll jolt awake. No anxiety or anything (more anger and frustration) but my brain suddenly decides that it's not going to let me sleep.

[trenace]

I'm actually starting to get worried now. I haven't had any caffeine. No other drugs. No recent events that have stressed me. My sleep is horrendous. Worse than it's ever been in withdrawal. This is 6 1/2 years in. It's as though my brain and body are actively making sure I don't sleep. I either wake up immediately with restless legs so severe I aube to get up and walk, or I wake up with dry itchy skin or something like hives alongside an uncomfortable sense of alertness even though I'm shattered. WTF IS GOING ON??

[DataGuy]

Doing any better @trenace? I had something back in March 2020 - possibly covid - but I actually slept better, not worse, than in wd. Was also very fatigued for a couple days. Important to stay calm. Severe insomnia is very uncomfortable, but it should be temporary. 

[trenace]

On 7/11/2022 at 9:40 AM, DataGuy said:

Doing any better @trenace? I had something back in March 2020 - possibly covid - but I actually slept better, not worse, than in wd. Was also very fatigued for a couple days. Important to stay calm. Severe insomnia is very uncomfortable, but it should be temporary. 

Past two nights my sleeps been great in comparison. Tired by 1am and sleep albeit broken till 9/10. Feel stupid for freaking out tbh. This is bullsh*t 🤣

[trenace]

I think tonight will be another bad night tbh I've got the same exhausted but wired feeling. But I gotta stick with it I guess. Two nights were much needed at least 

[DataGuy]

No need to feel stupid @trenace, it is definitely BS 🙂. Hope your prediction for last night did not come true.