Kernol: was doing well on my sertraline taper but now in hell and doc reinstated

[Shep]

Yes, it's possible that you're getting a wave at 3 months off vortioxetine. 

 

How are you doing with the non-drug coping skills? Building a good non-drug toolbox will not only help you cope during this difficult phase, but give you a sense that you are making progress.

 

On 1/31/2020 at 7:14 PM, Altostrata said:

Kernol, I am wondering if the nighttime sertraline might be causing the bruxism. Would you consider gradually moving the sertraline earlier in the evening?

 

What are your thoughts on what Alto wrote a few weeks ago? 

[Kernol]

Thanks @Shep I practice acceptance daily and I continue to work on this. I also try to allow the symptoms and not try and resist them as much as I can and I try and hang on to hope by reading positive stories to keep me going. I also try as much as possible to stay in day tight compartments and not get overwhelmed by the enormity of the situation although on very difficult days it is hard. I actually gave my story to a UK national newspaper last week - it will be published next Tuesday I believe  - they are campaigning for support including a national helpline to be set up - I hope it will help! 
 

with regard to moving the sertraline - I’m scared to do that to be honest as I have always taken it at night and I fear my sleep may be even worse if I move it earlier plus in the grand scheme of my symptoms - the bruxism is probably one that is least troubling. 
 

I am guessing 3 months off the vortioxetine is not long enough a hold yet? I just continue and hope things stabilise? 

[Shep]

That's great you're doing advocacy. 

 

If even moving your drug is difficult, then right now, holding is your best option. 

[Altostrata]

Kernol, have you been taking your drugs on the same schedule every day? Is it possible you missed a dose of diazepam?

 

For many months, I believe, we've discussed your moving the sertraline dose earlier to see if the adverse reactions are from sertraline.

 

Many people take sertraline earlier in the day because they find it activating, which is what may be causing your nighttime bruxism.

 

Also, it's possible you are having some kind of reaction, even an allergic reaction to sertraline. If we can identify it as causing these adverse reactions, that would indicate a very gradual dosage reduction to relieve the adverse effects.

 

If sertraline is causing adverse effects, you're not going to stabilize no matter how long you hold on this drug schedule. I'm sorry you are faced with these awful decisions. We simply do not know where these symptoms are coming from.

[Kernol]

Hi @Altostrata thank you for your help. I definitely have not missed any doses of diazepam. 
 

I am trying to understand a bit more about how moving the sertraline will help to tell if there is adverse reaction as I get the bruxism just As severely if I fall asleep during the day? 
 

What I do now realise is that all these symptoms below started when I went beneath 25mg on the sertraline in September.  

 

- bruxism

- visual disturbances 

- flashbacks 

- acid trip type feeling

- Chemical terror

- derealisation 

- feeling like I’m living in the past (time travelling)

- extreme emotional distress and pain like grief 

 

I know we hoped that it might have been the vortioxetine causing them but now that’s gone and nothing has changed in fact they are even more intense, I can only guess it was reducing the sertraline down too low too quickly and now I am stuck and trapped not knowing if stabilisation will ever happen but also terrified of tapering because if there are any worse mental symptoms to come I  couldn’t handle them. I am fighting for survival as it is. 

this is just the most awful situation to be in, not knowing what on earth to do. I wish I had stayed at 25mg but I can’t go back and undo it now. 

[Altostrata]

If the bruxism or other symptoms travel with the sertraline, we would know it was the sertraline that's causing them. That would indicate a reduction in sertraline.

 

I am still wondering what's going on after your 1 p.m. 1mg diazepam dose. Please post more daily notes.

[Kernol]

Ok thanks @Altostrata I guess we already know the bruxism doesn’t travel with it as I get it in the day too but happy to move it an hour earlier and then see how that goes. I will post my daily notes. If it turns out not to be an adverse reaction but just withdrawal I assume I am too destabilised to do any taper right now and holding is still my best option? 
 

because of the September crash with the sertraline drop and updose when all these new symptoms started and then removing the vortioxetine after that - could it be that my nervous system is still trying to adjust??

 

[Altostrata]

It could be you're taking too much sertraline and it's causing activation, but particularly after you take it at night.

 

Your prior sertaline reduction schedule was very irregular.

[Kernol]

Hi @Altostrata I have another issue now in that I can’t get hold of the usual milpharm generic brand of sertraline And I have always reacted badly to a change. I have rung 30 chemists in the area and none of them have it so I’m suspecting a supply issue. Is there a good way of dealing with this? I have about 10 tablets left of my normal brand. The chemist did have 100mg tablets but I am not sure if that would be a better option to try and get 16 mg off a 100mg tablet? 

[Altostrata]

You'd have to make a liquid from the 100mg tablets, or weigh fragments with a scale.

[Kernol]

Ok thanks @Altostrata I was panicking so much about the brand change so I will do the fragments on the scale instead. 
 

daily notes 

 

28/2

 

8.00am get up very depressed and strong dread,  head tingling and burning. Vision very blurred 

8.30am have shower, feel so low, crying, can’t see a way out if I don’t stabilise as tapering in this state terrifies me. Foot vibrating on inside 

9.00am Oat smoothie and 2mg diazepam

10.00am open laptop do a few emails. Skin burning and sizzling pain intense around torso and sides. Foot vibrating 
10.30am tiny bit calmer but not much today, dread and depression strong 

11.30am carry on working somehow. Foot still vibrating 

12.00pm dread starts to rise and I feel nauseated with saliva coming into my mouth like I’m going to vomit / sheer strength of the doom dread I think

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam and have call with Baylissa Frederick. Eat wholewheat roll and hummus 

2.00pm feel a bit better after call 

3.00pm dread building a bit again. Check if I can think of the past without strong anxiety but the Chemical anxiety comes 

4.00pm feel a bit better and make a meal for the evening - I struggle with flashbacks and strong doom feelings whilst cooking but make it 

5.30pm speak with withdrawal friend 

6.00pm take 1.75mg diazepam eat dinner 

7.00pm get into bed. skin on back and stomach  is burning more intensely and knees burning too this has happened whenever I get into bed all week. 
8.00pm take 16mg sertraline. watch tv - hard to do as I get chemical terror feeling but manage to watch 45 minute programme

9.00pm read some chapters of Baylissa’s book for comfort and do some deep breathing. Burning still strong. Foot vibrating in bed 

10.00pm lights out for bed

10.30pm - 4.30am - sleep ok woken with strong cortisol rushes and disorientation. Skin is burning on waking. Bruxism medium level 

4.30am-6.00am lie in wake sleep state with strong dread and cortisol rushes. Head tingling and electrified. 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Right. I'm worried about the sertraline.

[Kernol]

Hi @Altostrata what would you suggest I do? I feel so symptomatic probably the worst I’ve ever felt even coming off vortioxetine was better than this and I have new symptoms appearing - I don’t understand what is happening to me but I can’t stay in this state it is now unbearable suffering.

 

29/2

 

8.00am got up felt so depressed and strong chemical anxiety, nothing feels right the world is distorted through this awful feeling of doom. Notice both feet are now vibrating on inside 

8.30am have shower - start to dry retch with the strong emotions. The sun is out and that makes me feel acid trip weird like everything isn’t real. Feel like I’ve been given a hallucinogenic drug
9.00am take 2mg diazepam. Throw smoothie down even though I am so nauseated
10.00am manage to look a crossword but not interested in it 

11.00am sit in living room ringing round pharmacies, nauseated with saliva in my mouth with this pure chemical dread. As I ring them, I get random memories which makes me more nauseated and more anxious. They come full of deep dark dread 

11.30am just staring, sitting and staring trying not to even think a thought as everything causes this emotional wave of chemical dread. Skin is burning and sizzling round my sides 

12.30pm hear children playing in back gardens, fills me with utter horror feels acid trip like. I freak out at the intensity of the feeling and why why why - when will I ever think normally again without these awful reactions 
1pm take 1mg diazepam. Period starts. Eat some crackers it’s all I can manage today 

2pm try and sleep as cannot bear to be awake in this state. Severe chills and shivers run through my whole body almost convulsions Sleep for 45 minutes but in and out of horror dreams and panic

3pm wake from the most real feeling dream/nightmare - I don’t know who I am or where I am. Like I’m in an altered state

4pm still cannot ground myself from the awful nightmare. Nothing around me feels real or familiar. Can’t wait for the sun to go down

5pm lay on bed sobbing really sobbing that this is the end of the road for me. No way out. I can’t stabilise I have done way too much damage and have suffered so much pain I can’t do it anymore. I tell my husband I want to end my pain. I don’t want him to suffer this any longer either. He tries to encourage me to keep going but I just can’t see this ending for me and I can’t risk it getting any worse if I taper so I feel without options. Skin is burning

6pm take 1.75mg diazepam - I still feel deeply depressed but slightly less agitated and despairing. Still can’t eat so have a meal replacement drink. Skin burning is more intense now I have got into bed 

7pm take 16mg sertraline 

8pm just laying watching my husband read. I drift in and out of sleep.

9pm lights out 

10.00pm - 3am restless sleep as the despair and depression is so strong I don’t want to wake up to another day 

4am massive cortisol rush panic attack with intense sizzling and burning nerve pain all across my back. teeth clenching severe 

5am - just laying eyes wide open in utter utter despair, the deepest hell of depression at my situation. My head is electric tingling stinging all over and down my arms 

6am look in the mirror, my eyes are wild like a drug addicts, I’m shaking

[Terry]

Dear Kernol, my heart aches for you.  I am so sorry to hear of all the awful things you are going through.  I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but all I can say is don't give up!  If you believe in God please pray for healing and peace.  I will remember you in my prayers. 🙏

 

Terry

[Altostrata]

We need to observe the sertraline effects.

[Kernol]

1/3

 

8.00am get up, such painful chemical anxiety feels like something has broken inside my stomach where all your emotions are and they are raw and electrified. Feel sick again with emotion and depression is strong. Get weird de ja vu feeling that I can’t even capture just very strong half formed and then goes. Burning and sizzling skin still here

8.30am pacing in agitated state. Start to feel weird like I’m time travelling in the past again. The houses at the back remind me of my aunt uncle for no reason and I get a jolt of chemical surge. Feels trippy. Have some oatcakes 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam. It’s a bit muted now But can still feel the raw nerve endings in my stomach horrible chemical feeling but at least muted 

10.30am can’t settle I feel some derealisation as the sun is out again. It makes me feel like I’m on drugs when I look out the window

12.00pm see an image of a face on social media that send the most violent horror feeling through me like an electric current. 

1.00pm can’t eat, have oat drink. Take 1mg diazepam 

2.00pm still feel so peculiar this Constant electrified dread at everything I think or see. It’s exhausting and I’m scared I feel like I’m bordering on some kind of psychosis 

3.00pm  feeling is still there, I’m doing deep breathing but it’s so all consuming I don’t feel here 
4.00pm have Epsom salt bath. Think of my options, strong suicidal ideation 

5.00pm start to cry again sob. I am terrified. I see a lady carrying some milk in and I immediately have a dream flashback of me in a grocery store with a shot of terror. This continuous bizarre stuff is relentless at the moment. Skin Starts  to burn again on stomach

6.00pm take 1.75mg diazepam and 16mg sertraline

7.00pm I settle down in bed, Burning is strong as always when in bed. my husband forces me to eat some dinner. I am just glad day is over  
8.00pm feel a bit calmer now, it’s still there underneath but muted slightly 

9.00pm lights out 
10.00pm - 4am restless sleep, panics and very strong burning on sides and back when I wake from panicky dreams. The panic is chemical and electrified. My head feels electric and stinging and tingling 
5am teeth clenching is more noticeable, very powerful cortisol rushes painful they are so strong in my stomach like my nerves are so broken so raw. I lie awake staring at ceiling. Strong suicidal ideation 

 

* inner vibrations in feet on and off all day. This is new last 2 weeks 

[Kernol]

44 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

We need to observe the sertraline effects.

ok thanks @Altostrata I have put up yesterday’s notes 

[Kernol]

1 hour ago, Terry said:

Dear Kernol, my heart aches for you.  I am so sorry to hear of all the awful things you are going through.  I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but all I can say is don't give up!  If you believe in God please pray for healing and peace.  I will remember you in my prayers. 🙏

 

Terry

Dear Terry,

 

Thank you so much for your kind words and your prayers. I do pray for peace and I have family praying for me. I really appreciate yours too. 

[Cathy4]

11 hours ago, Kernol said:

can’t settle I feel some derealisation as the sun is out again. It makes me feel like I’m on drugs when I look out the window

I’m hoping the weather changes to gray for you there.  We had a nice gray day here today and I wished I could share it with you.  I love the addition of Charlie.  
You have so much courage.  

[Kernol]

2/3

 

8.00am get up feel total despair. Mind ruminating continuously on my situation trying to figure out if I am ever going to stabilise or ever get better. Hopeless 

8.30am have shower, feel inner vibrations in both feet and lower legs. Also feeling of cobwebs on toes but nothing is there 

8.45am intense feeling of horror hits me in the pit of my stomach when I look outside. takes my breath away from the power of the emotion. I breathe breathe breathe and tell myself it will pass

9.00am take 2mg diazepam. Have oat smoothie.

9.30am open computer to do some work. The horror is all still there swirling around my stomach mixed with bizarre memories and some derealisation as the sun is shining in 

10.30am managed to do a couple of emails 

11.00am dad arrives. I cry and despair telling him I am getting worse not better and I don’t know how to hold on like this 

11.30am try and have conversation with him about normal things but everything is filling me with the chemical terror. Memories of childhood, him talking about my grandmother. Everything seems to now be a trigger. I hold my finger and deep breathe. I am so nauseated with emotion i want to vomit for release

12.00pm therapist comes. I tell him how I am so hopeless. He tells me I will get better but today nothing can pull me out of this train of thought.

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam 

1.30pm manage to eat a sandwich 

2.30pm do a work email 

3.00pm look online at paper. Every image makes me feel horror. I feel overwhelming chemical terror feeling like my chest is going to burst out of me. Emotional pain so strong. I cry again to my dad to help me stop this pain. 
4.00pm dry retching with the strong dark emotion coming out of me. I ask my husband to come home early. Look out window and sky looks totally surreal and have strong trippy feeling

5.00pm take 16mg sertraline 

5.30pm speak for withdrawal friend on phone feel a bit better. take 1.75mg diazepam 

6.45pm have dinner 

7.30pm watch football on tv. Some feelings of nauseating emotion but muted a bit

8..30pm lie in bed. Burning skin gets stronger as soon as I get under the covers as usual 

9.00pm lights out 

10,00pm sleep restless but ok until 4am

4am wake with cortisol rush panic - very chemical feel with burning and sizzling skin in back and sides 

4am- in and out of panicky sleep with strong teeth clenching 

 

* both feet vibrating most of day when in sitting or lying position not when walking 

*skin burning moderate today 

*chemical dread and terror v high 

* derealisation moderate 

 

[Cathy4]

9 hours ago, Kernol said:

I hold my finger and deep breathe

This reminds me of some finger-holds one of my former classmates in the Feldenkrais training taught me.  Are you holding your ring finger?  There’s also this place where you can put your hand—right hand kind of under left arm pit with fingers against ribs that’s a kind of “hold” for pre-panic situations.  It reminds me of giving myself a hug kind of, but there’s something specific about it to soothe nervous system.  
 

All of this also reminds me of alternate nostril breathing, which I’ve been using often.  Even though none of these things will obliterate symptoms, maybe they will provide some sort of a platform to build on as far as learning to calm the nervous system (this is what I’m telling myself).  

[Kernol]

8 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

This reminds me of some finger-holds one of my former classmates in the Feldenkrais training taught me.  Are you holding your ring finger?  There’s also this place where you can put your hand—right hand kind of under left arm pit with fingers against ribs that’s a kind of “hold” for pre-panic situations.  It reminds me of giving myself a hug kind of, but there’s something specific about it to soothe nervous system.  
 

All of this also reminds me of alternate nostril breathing, which I’ve been using often.  Even though none of these things will obliterate symptoms, maybe they will provide some sort of a platform to build on as far as learning to calm the nervous system (this is what I’m telling myself).  

thanks Cathy I was actually holding my index finger but will try the ring finger and the armpit thing! ❤️

[Kernol]

3/3

 

8.00am get up feel usual dread and despair making me nauseated

8.30am have shower. Thoughts are dark keep getting memories of places which give me strong feeling of nauseating doom. Feet are vibrating inside. Vision is blurred

9.00am take 2mg diazepam and have oat smoothie

9.45am diazepam hasn’t done much today sometimes it doesn’t seem to 

10.30am thoughts are still dark and feelings of doom and blackness. Decide to unload dishwasher to do something 

11.00am still got lots if dark thoughts so vacuum the whole house

12.00pm have veggie wrap for Lunch

12.30pm strong intrusive memory/de ja vu feeling like it’s pushing out of my brain but can’t make it out 

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam 

2.00pm manage a couple of work emails 

3.00pm clean bathroom to distract from strong chemical anxiety surges whenever I think about future or going anywhere 

4.00pm take 16mg sertraline 

5.00pm try some deep breathing 

6.00pm take 1.75mg diazepam 

6.45pm eat some dinner

7.30pm lie on bed deep breathing, feel tiny bit calmer 

8.30pm try watching tv but I find it too depressing

9.00pm lights out

10.00pm - 4.00am sleep ok but have night sweats and nightmare 

5.00am very strong cortisol rushes, strong teeth clenching and cannot fall back to sleep as just gets stronger panic

5.00am-8.00am lay awake trying to deep breathe and find strength to face another day..

 

* burning skin medium level

* vibrating feet on and off most of the day

[Terry]

Hi Kernol,

These are some positive things I see in your post.  You were able to empty the dishwasher, clean the bathroom, email for work, and vacuum the whole house!  Many of us are too lethargic to accomplish anywhere near that much.  You were able to eat three meals and felt a bit calmer in the evening.  Those things may not seem significant to you, but I think they are good signs.  Little by little things will get better, just hang in there! 

 

Terry

 

[Kernol]

4/3

 

8.00am get up feel depression and dread and nauseated with hypersalivation again

8.30am have shower. Still very nauseous and random memories have already started each one coming with a blackness and making my feel sick to my stomach. Feel like I have Cobwebs on my toes 

9.00am have 2mg diazepam and manage oat smoothie although still nauseous 

9.30am open computer do a couple of work emails. Notice when I look at trees outside they look like faces. Try and dismiss it. Random memories coming with nausea 

10.30am still feeling dread and memories keep coming. Saliva all the time in mouth and nauseated. Skin burning and stinging is strong 

11.45am hit like a bolt of lightning by A random memory of school that comes with the most violent black terror feeling that I VOMIT. My body starts to shake and shiver chills all over and my brain is shivering. I look like a drug addict shivering and vomiting - what on earth is happening to me??? 
12.30pm the chills and shivering have stopped. Nausea remains but I am shaken so deeply by the shock of what happened 

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam. Wonder if it is this that is poisoning me. Look in mirror I am grey totally grey and my eyes glassy

1.30pm husband comes home I tell him what’s happened - he is worried by the state of me

2.00pm I just sit on sofa trying not to think of anything as it brings the darkness. Still lots of saliva and nauseated haven’t been able to eat. Feet vibrating inside 

3.00pm take 16mg sertraline. 
4.00pm have a bath. Try my hardest to think of recovery but it seems so remote

5.00pm lay on bed skin feels stinging and burning. Deep breathing and doing finger holding. Still feel nauseated 
6.00pm take 1.75ng diazepam 

6.45pm nausea has lessened enough to eat some dinner 

7.45pm try and watch tv but get the dread and chemical doom as usual. Makes me so upset I still can’t watch tv I don’t know whether I should even try at the moment. Feet vibrating in bed  

9.00pm lights out

10.40pm - 4am sleep ok but wake with string cortisol rushes and burning and stinging skin all on my back and side. Worse than night before. Teeth clenching is strong. 
 

*Derealisation minimal today maybe because no sun 

 

hi @Altostrata just wondered if you can help. Things seem to be definitely getting worse for me these last few weeks and new symptoms emerging like the vibrating feet. Today I really felt like something was seriously wrong when the episode happened at 1145am. I am at a loss to know what to do. I had hoped for some stabilisation or at least a window 3 months out from vortioxetine but it is worse and unrelenting. What do you think is happening? I am not noticing any more symptoms in the hours after taking my sertraline but not sure if this rules out an adverse reaction or not. What would you suggest I do? I don’t know how to keep holding on in this state. Thanks so much  
 

[Altostrata]

Kernol, I am at a loss as well. We may be seeing the effects of the sertraline change, which should settle down in a more recognizable pattern.

 

Since you're taking sertraline a bit earlier, how have your evenings changed? Is the nighttime bruxism still occurring in the same pattern?

[Kernol]

Hi @Altostrata the deterioration has been happening over many weeks before I did the sertraline change and getting steadily worse even though I didn’t think that was possible.The evenings remain the same and the bruxism is of the same pattern - some nights worse than others and tends to be 4am onwards that it gets really bad.

 

There does not seem to be any relief at any point in the day anymore. All symptoms are more intense and these new ones joining the party - I just can’t see this stabilising now? Everything seems to be going in the wrong direction. What should I do? Keep waiting in this worsening hell or taper the sertraline in this destabilised state? 

[Altostrata]

You don't have to make a decision about tapering sertraline, we need more data about that before making any changes.

 

Hang in there.

[Kernol]

Hi @Altostrata 

 

5/3

 

6.00am - anxiety like I’ve never felt before stinging burning skin all over my back and front and chills. I don’t even know how to get through 

7.00am - get up have shower. Burning skin is so bad and I feel strong derealisation and anxiety so off the scale I can’t focus on anything. There is no restless agitation no panic it is just the most horrific feeling of anxiety in my chest emotional I am not sure if I have turned psychotic as I don’t feel like me and I’m time travelling I feel like I’m in hospital when I was 19 like I’m actually there

8.00am - chills shivers start but then I go hot. I have no fever. My body temperature just seems out. The nausea and hypersalivation start 

8.30am have cup of tea. Vomit it straight back up. Shivering like a drug addict. My eyes look wild and I am totally Grey

9.00am take 2mg diazepam in hope it might at least take edge off the uncontrollable anxiety but it doesn’t. Chills and shivers still here. Feet vibrating 

11.00am I can’t take anymore of being awake in this state I feel like I’m totally disconnected and full of emotional distress. Try and lie down. Chills get very severe now when I am falling into sleep my body is convulsing with them (this has been happening for several weeks if I try and sleep in the day)

11.30am fall asleep 

12.30pm wake up with nightmare my cat was in it. And I have literally no idea who I am or where I am. Cognitively I know where I am but emotionally nothing looks or feels familiar. My cat comes near me but all I can remember is him in the dream - I am still in it partially. The derealisation is so strong I never used to get it like this before a month ago. SI very strong 

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam - does nothing. I just sit and stare at the walls hoping this feeling will lessen. My husband even feels alien to me I am in some other world. Still got chills and nausea

2.00pm take 16mg sertraline

3.00pm just sitting deep breathing. I am trying so hard to get through the day but thoughts of my future seem bleak. I am so much worse now than ever before in this 15 month journey and I’m limited in options 

4.00pm try finger holding and draw out some drawing of how I feel my nerves look on the inside all raw twisted electrified and broken. 
5.00pm vibrating feet and nausea still there with chills and then I go hot. No temperature. I believe this must be drug related. Skin burning and stringing has not lessened all day. Feels like my flesh is being burnt

6.00pm take 1.75mg diazepam 

7.00pm manage some oatcakes

8.00pm so tired and weary now try for sleep

9.00pm my skin is so sore and stinging nerve pain really intense. My knees are burning hot and red. My eyes see everything dancing when I close my eyes and open them it’s still moving. 
10.30pm fall asleep

2am wake with very strong searing electrified anxiety though my stomach and my heart is palpitating. My back is burning nerves so strong. I try and calm myself but I know each time I fall back to sleep now it will happen again and it does. 
4am teeth clenching very severe 

4am laid awake - nothing feels familiar I’m time travelling feel like I’m living in the past again and I cannot find a way of making me feel present or connected. 
5am SI is so strong as I can feel the intensity of the anxiety and the skin pain and brain burning are here for another day  and I am a total mess clinging on by my fingernails.
 

 

How did things get so bad?? I knew  there would be some fallout from vortioxetine but I didn’t think this worsening would happen. Is it normal?   Am I suffering a compounded withdrawal from that as a Shep said sometimes people don’t notice any withdrawals until the 3 month mark. Is that what this is?? I just don’t understand if it’s to be expected or not given my history and my destabilisation and kindling. 
 

*one of the very few days in 15 months that I have been too sick mentally to open my computer and do any work 

 

*appetite non existent partly due to nausea and hypersalivation 

 

*period is now ended yet I still have Breast tenderness. Last 3 cycles have shortened to 25 days. I may be in perimenopause
 

 

[Altostrata]

I don't know, Kernol. Burning skin is more associated with benzo withdrawal syndrome.

 

Many women report worse symptoms at certain points in their cycles.

 

Please stop moving sertraline for now.

[Kernol]

Ok thanks @Altostrata I will stop moving it. I have had burning skin the whole way through since December 18 when they reinstated me on the sertraline but it always waxed and waned but now it’s much worse and constant. I just stick and wait with everything? 

[sunnysideup69]

Kernol, been catching up on your thread. Sending you good thoughts and wishes for some stabilisation soon.

[Altostrata]

Kernol, I might add back the 0.5mg diazepam at 1 p.m.

[Kernol]

Hi @Altostrata you think I should up the Benzo? 
 

6/3

 

8.00am laying in bed - trying to breathe but not wanting to move until I have had my diazepam as I can feel the chemical terror already 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam and get up - feel a bit of derealisation but nothing like yesterday and no sun which helps
9.30am have shower. Feet vibrating still. No bad nausea and no vomiting and no chills (please let this last)

10.00am on my own in house feeling a lot of strong chemical feeling dread and doom but put  laundry on and tell myself repeatedly I will be okay. Some burning skin on sides but not as intense as some days

11.00am look at crossword but can’t be bothered to fill any in 

12.00pm put tv on for football. Still feel intense dread and doom but no massive chemical explosions yet

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam and manage Tuna sandwich 

2.00pm a slightly sombre song comes on tv, the intense emotion like someone has died runs through me and I deep breathe through it /leave room to calm down. Take 16mg sertraline 

3.00pm my husband gets email from Professor David Healey which says he can’t help in complex SSRI withdrawal cases. We had hoped he might write to my gp who doesn’t believe me. Feel a bit desperate after this and that there is no hope for complex cases like mine.

4.00pm have a bath to try and calm down. 
5.00pm feel a little better as I try and work through my options of tapering if I don’t stabilise soon

5.30pm  watch football Notice my back is burning and knees now I’m in bed 

6.00pm Take 1.75mg diazepam 

6.45pm Eat dinner 

7.30pm try and watch tv show - get a few spurts of strong gut wrenching dread 

9.00pm lights out 

10.30pm - 3am slept restlessly waking with strong rushes of dread and skin burning 

4am teeth clenching starts to wake me

5.30am - lying awake trying to deep breathe and find the strength to get through another day 

 

*did not notice any intrusive flashbacks or de ja vu today 

 

[direstraits]

On 3/6/2020 at 12:32 PM, Altostrata said:

Burning skin is more associated with benzo withdrawal syndrome.

 

I get horrible burning skin and was never on a benzo..

[Terry]

8 minutes ago, direstraits said:

I get horrible burning skin and was never on a benzo..

I've had burning skin early on in tapering my AD, but with time and tapering it has lessened.