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Genesis: so lost and scared, I don't know who I am


Genesis

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11 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

I was on the gabapentin taper, was put on klonopin, then regretted that, so I held the gabapentin dose for awhile while I fast tapered the klonopin (thankfully this worked ok due to short use. It was a gamble.). Then I held the gaba taper for a few months after finishing tapering the klonopin. Usually they recommend starting one taper, finishing that one, and moving on to the next.

 

I'm glad the fast taper off klonopin worked for you, I understand why you did that.

 

11 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

Give yourself lots of credit for restraining yourself from jumping into a fast taper or cold turkey! It takes a lot of discipline to refrain from doing that. It's so much better if you do your best not to ever go over the edge into a horrific symptom level because once that happens, you've lost all control of the situation and all you can do is nondrug coping skills if you're able, and sit and wait.

 

Thank you for reminding me of this.  To see it in words and typed out, it's nice to see that it's really ok to take it slow. ❤️ 

 

11 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

When I feel impatient about having to slow taper, it helps to remind myself that for many years I thought it was totally acceptable to be on the drugs, so why the rush now? [I mean, I know why the rush now, but it still helps me to tell myself that.]

 

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other! You are doing a lot of emotional work in coming to terms with this, so give yourself credit for that too!

 

It's tough to realize how much emotional and mental work has to be gone through, but it's why I'm glad to find this site, because I don't think I'd do so well on my own.

 

Thank you again for sharing your experiences with me and the advice.  It's greatly appreciated ❤️

 

Genesis

Aug/13/'19   buspirone  30mg  increase 45mg sep/11/2019, back to 30mg sep/22/'19

2019   oxcarbazepine   900mg 

2001   venlafaxine XR  150mg increase  sep/11/2019  from 75mg

2006   ziprasidone    60mg  increase sep/11/2019  from 20mg,  taper to 54mg  sep/23/2019

2014   gabapentin     3600mg  

1999   lorazepam      3mg  taper sep/15/2019 - 2.5mg 

2017   metoprolol     75mg

1998   levothyroxine   125mcg

2018   losartan/hctz  100/25mg

2015   lovaza 2GM  |  2014   pantoprazole 40mg

'01-'19  trazodone | '01-'19  divalproex sodium                        🖤  Intro here 💜

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sept 21 2019


9:30am      8.5hrs sleep, 125mcg levothyroxine
11am     1200mg gabapentin, 15mg buspirone, 0.5mg lorazepam, breakfast
11:30am    30mg ziprasidone liquid taper 
12pm     150mg venlafaxine, 2GM lovaza, 450mg oxcarbazepine
12:30pm   slight arrythmia, took 25mg metoprolol and 100/25mg losartan/hctz.  doing well otherwise
1:30pm    0.50mg lorazepam 
4:30pm    15mg buspirone, 1200mg gabapentin, 25mg metoprolol
5:30pm    0.50mg lorazepam
8:30pm    0.50mg lorazepam
10:30pm    30mg ziprasidone liquid taper, 1200mg gabapentin, 25mg metoprolol, 450mg oxcarbazepine, 15mg buspirone
11:30pm     anxiety,  0.50mg lorazepam
1am sleep
 

Aug/13/'19   buspirone  30mg  increase 45mg sep/11/2019, back to 30mg sep/22/'19

2019   oxcarbazepine   900mg 

2001   venlafaxine XR  150mg increase  sep/11/2019  from 75mg

2006   ziprasidone    60mg  increase sep/11/2019  from 20mg,  taper to 54mg  sep/23/2019

2014   gabapentin     3600mg  

1999   lorazepam      3mg  taper sep/15/2019 - 2.5mg 

2017   metoprolol     75mg

1998   levothyroxine   125mcg

2018   losartan/hctz  100/25mg

2015   lovaza 2GM  |  2014   pantoprazole 40mg

'01-'19  trazodone | '01-'19  divalproex sodium                        🖤  Intro here 💜

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Hey I reduced the buspirone from the 15mg t.i.d. back to 10mg t.i.d., and I'm having a side effect of this "equilibrium" problem, idk the name of it.  it's like riding on an elevator, and then stepping off onto a platform and trying to walk.  it's a little uncomfortable, i think it's a problem with my inner ear being off as a side effect from the buspirone.  i didnt think i would have any problems, but that's the only med ive changed today.

 

I didnt decrease the venlafaxine, because i have 150mg capsules and ive never split one.  so when i opened it, i tried counting out 150 beads, and i did, except there were many more.  I ended up just taking my dose because it was due, and i have that same equilibrium problem if i am late on venlafaxine.  so i just took the 150mg.  i have not taken my ziprasidone yet, but i am soon, and im not sure if i should decrease it from 60mg to 20mg, since im having side effects from buspirone.

 

thanks

Genesis

Aug/13/'19   buspirone  30mg  increase 45mg sep/11/2019, back to 30mg sep/22/'19

2019   oxcarbazepine   900mg 

2001   venlafaxine XR  150mg increase  sep/11/2019  from 75mg

2006   ziprasidone    60mg  increase sep/11/2019  from 20mg,  taper to 54mg  sep/23/2019

2014   gabapentin     3600mg  

1999   lorazepam      3mg  taper sep/15/2019 - 2.5mg 

2017   metoprolol     75mg

1998   levothyroxine   125mcg

2018   losartan/hctz  100/25mg

2015   lovaza 2GM  |  2014   pantoprazole 40mg

'01-'19  trazodone | '01-'19  divalproex sodium                        🖤  Intro here 💜

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 * * * * * *   PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO   * * * * * *

Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

 

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:    (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq      on 13th November 2021

Woohoo!!!  Finally off Pristiq    Post 0 updates start here

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions. 

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10 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

ahh :) thank you so much!

 

Genesis

Aug/13/'19   buspirone  30mg  increase 45mg sep/11/2019, back to 30mg sep/22/'19

2019   oxcarbazepine   900mg 

2001   venlafaxine XR  150mg increase  sep/11/2019  from 75mg

2006   ziprasidone    60mg  increase sep/11/2019  from 20mg,  taper to 54mg  sep/23/2019

2014   gabapentin     3600mg  

1999   lorazepam      3mg  taper sep/15/2019 - 2.5mg 

2017   metoprolol     75mg

1998   levothyroxine   125mcg

2018   losartan/hctz  100/25mg

2015   lovaza 2GM  |  2014   pantoprazole 40mg

'01-'19  trazodone | '01-'19  divalproex sodium                        🖤  Intro here 💜

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Sept 22, 2019


3:45am  wake up, can't get back to sleep
5am   125mcg levothyroxine
6am  get up
6:50am   0.5mg lorazepam
9:30am  grocery shopping
11am  2GM lovaza, 25mg metoprolol, 10mg buspirone, 150mg venlafaxine, 100/25mg losartan/hctz, 1200mg gabapentin
12pm  0.5mg lorazepam, reinstate 40mg pantoprazole due to terrible heartburn
12:30pm  nap
3pm   0.5mg lorazepam 
  been fine today, except for heartburn and little sleep due to 30mg ziprasidone 2x/day
5:45pm    feeling very sore all over.  1200mg gabapentin, 25mg metoprolol, 10mg buspirone
6:30pm   feel vertigo/strange feeling
6:45pm  heartburn  1500mg tums
7pm   0.5mg lorazepam
7:30pm  shower.  disequilibrium
10:45pm  1200mg gabapentin, 10mg buspirone, 60mg ziprasidone, 0.5mg lorazepam, 25mg metoprolol, 450mg oxcarbazepine.  still disequilibrium
11:30pm bed
12am sleep
 

Aug/13/'19   buspirone  30mg  increase 45mg sep/11/2019, back to 30mg sep/22/'19

2019   oxcarbazepine   900mg 

2001   venlafaxine XR  150mg increase  sep/11/2019  from 75mg

2006   ziprasidone    60mg  increase sep/11/2019  from 20mg,  taper to 54mg  sep/23/2019

2014   gabapentin     3600mg  

1999   lorazepam      3mg  taper sep/15/2019 - 2.5mg 

2017   metoprolol     75mg

1998   levothyroxine   125mcg

2018   losartan/hctz  100/25mg

2015   lovaza 2GM  |  2014   pantoprazole 40mg

'01-'19  trazodone | '01-'19  divalproex sodium                        🖤  Intro here 💜

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On 9/22/2019 at 10:47 AM, Genesis said:

I can try that, and still call Monday and ask.  I will post when I find something out.

 

Genesis, what did you find out when you called Dr. Carroll yesterday? 

Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

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3 hours ago, Shep said:

Genesis, what did you find out when you called Dr. Carroll yesterday? 

 

Hey Shep,

Unfortunately Dr. Carroll is not accepting any new patients at this time.

 

I am seeing a new psych dr in a couple weeks, so we'll see how that goes.

thanks for checking, I had forgotten.

Aug/13/'19   buspirone  30mg  increase 45mg sep/11/2019, back to 30mg sep/22/'19

2019   oxcarbazepine   900mg 

2001   venlafaxine XR  150mg increase  sep/11/2019  from 75mg

2006   ziprasidone    60mg  increase sep/11/2019  from 20mg,  taper to 54mg  sep/23/2019

2014   gabapentin     3600mg  

1999   lorazepam      3mg  taper sep/15/2019 - 2.5mg 

2017   metoprolol     75mg

1998   levothyroxine   125mcg

2018   losartan/hctz  100/25mg

2015   lovaza 2GM  |  2014   pantoprazole 40mg

'01-'19  trazodone | '01-'19  divalproex sodium                        🖤  Intro here 💜

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sept 23, 2019

 


10am   wake up, 125mcg levothyroxine
11:30am   0.5mg lorazepam, 2GM lovaza, 10mg buspirone, 450mg oxcarbazepine, 1200mg gabapentin
12pm  25mg metoprolol, 100/25mg losartan/hctz, 40mg pantoprazole
12:15pm    disequilibrium.  150mg venlafaxine.  
1:30pm   disequilibrium
3:30pm  0.5mg lorazepam
4:30pm  doing well so far, diseq. not so profound when i have things to do.
6pm  10mg buspirone, 25mg metoprolol, 1200mg gabapentin
7pm   0.5mg lorazepam
9:45pm   0.5mg  lorazepam   feel better than last night
11pm  1200mg gabapentin, 10mg buspirone, 450mg oxcarbazepine, 25mg metoprolol.  feel ok, just tired
11:20pm   54mg ziprasidone, 0.5mg lorazepam
11:30pm   bed
1am   fell asleep
 

Aug/13/'19   buspirone  30mg  increase 45mg sep/11/2019, back to 30mg sep/22/'19

2019   oxcarbazepine   900mg 

2001   venlafaxine XR  150mg increase  sep/11/2019  from 75mg

2006   ziprasidone    60mg  increase sep/11/2019  from 20mg,  taper to 54mg  sep/23/2019

2014   gabapentin     3600mg  

1999   lorazepam      3mg  taper sep/15/2019 - 2.5mg 

2017   metoprolol     75mg

1998   levothyroxine   125mcg

2018   losartan/hctz  100/25mg

2015   lovaza 2GM  |  2014   pantoprazole 40mg

'01-'19  trazodone | '01-'19  divalproex sodium                        🖤  Intro here 💜

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