Amanda167

[Altostrata]

5 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

I'm struggling so badly. Feeling horrid due to lack of exercise. Driving me insane as I'm a very active person.

 

Please get at least a half-hour of gentle exercise, such as walking, every day. This will help your body re-establish regulation.

[Amanda167]

Hi Alto 

 

Been hard as to I'll plus agoraphobia sets in.

I did just force myself to Sainsbury's and my head feels like it's going to explode, feel so weak and tearful... can you relate?

 

Going to try take the dog out after I have some food.

 

Hope you're having a nice day x

 

Edited July 26, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[Amanda167]

2 hours ago, Anthony75 said:

Hi Amanda,

Thank you same to you.

 

Unfortunately I’ve had DP for most of my life. For me what helps is trying not to focus on the DP. I know it’s not easy. I just noticed I was always self checking myself to see if I still felt the DP. Especially in the morning when I first woke up. I believe that the more I would focus on the DP the worst it got. So with practice and trying not to be frightened by the DP I found it to get less intense and eventually go away. Also in my case the less anxious I was the DP got better on it’s own. I really hope this helps. Best wishes, Anthony 

Thanks Anthony 

 

Trying not to focus on it... forced myself out to the shops. Just feeling very low, very tearful and very weak.

 

The head pressure is very uncomfortable,  feels like someone is squeezing my brain.

My face is on fire too.

 

Praying for a window from all of this soon

 

So hard xx

[Amanda167]

13 hours ago, Sassenach said:

Hi Amanda.

 

How are you feeling today?

Hi Sassenach 

Diary for 25/7/19

 

9.30. .55 valium (New time)

 

10am got up. Head buzzing and pressure, nausea 

 

11am food magnesium fish oil

 

12am sat in garden.  Had really bad DP and low mood with bad ache. Nausea abided.

 

2pm.Read and had a few snacks and a smoothie. DP still horrid. 

 

6pm dinner, fish oil, magnesium 

Still really bad head weakness and pressure

 

7pm. 4mg quetiapine 

7pm. 10mgPaxil 

7pm. Went Sainsbury's for food.  

 

8pm. Really low mood and teary.

 

8.45. Valium .45

 

9pm. Walked the dog.(1st time in 3 days)

 

9.30. Took 375mg Zoplicone ( head relieved a little)

 

10pm. Had bath, washed hair. Done some stretching exercises. 

 

Overall, better than yesterday physically. The DP is very uncomfortable and the low moods are very difficult. 

[Anthony75]

Hi Amanda,

That’s awesome you made it out to the shops. I’m happy for you. You are on your way to recovery. Definitely can relate to the symptoms you are having especially the head pressure. They will get easier to eventually non existent. I Hope the best for you, Anthony 

[Amanda167]

Hi Anthony 

 

Thank you.

So fed up with the constant discomfort and depression 

How did you cope?

I'm in such a low mood. Terrifies me... fed up of waking up and being low in mood. X

 

 

 

Edited July 26, 2019 by ChessieCat
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[Amanda167]

Morning.

 

I'm in a very depressive state.

 

Is there any links to cope with this?

 

Just keep thinking dark thoughts.

 

Amanda x

 

Edited July 26, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[Shep]

11 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

Overall, better than yesterday physically. The DP is very uncomfortable and the low moods are very difficult. 

 

I'm glad to read you are feeling better overall. Dp/dr is uncomfortable. Mindfulness exercises can help you stay attached to reality and stay grounded. 

 

Derealization or Depersonalization (DR and DP)

 

Mindfulness and Acceptance

 

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

3 minutes ago, Amanda167 said:

I'm in a very depressive state.

 

 Is there any links to cope with this?

 

Please use the search feature to look up your symptoms. Or you can google "surviving antidepressants" + "name of symptom".

 

Here is one, but you can find more by searching. 

 

How I am coping with depression

 

[Amanda167]

Thanks 

Having real bad suicidal thoughts 

Feel so stuck in this never ending cycle..

Am just sitting in pain with these overwhelming thoughts.

Trying to distract but not much is working.

Does this ever go away????

Should I increase my Paxil?

Just not coping very well

X

 

Edited July 26, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[Anthony75]

Hi Amanda,

Sorry you’re not feeling well. With practicing everything that Shep just posted Is how I was able to cope. It’s hard at first but it gets easier. It really is worth the effort and definitely works. If you need help applying those tools please let me know. I will help you the best I can. Best wishes, Anthony 

[Sassenach]

Hi Amanda

 

Sorry not been by but catching up now.

Please do not increase Paxil  without discussing with Shep .

I understand you still feel unwell but you sound better than three days ago.

If you go back to Shep's post on that day and his explanation of what is happening in your brain, you will see your own progression.

What you are experiencing is " normal " in W/D.

The SI and overwhelming thoughts are consequences of your brain playing tricks, they are not real, even though they certainly feel it.

Your fight or flight mode is in overdrive but it will settle down.

If you imagine a building and some removes one block from the foundations, the house will not fall but may crack.

To repair it you have to start with replacing the foundation block and work up one course at a time.

Your brain is trying to do that, the further up the repair gets the easier it is.

When we are in W/D we forget how bad the previous day was because we still feel unwell.

It is useful to look back in your diary from time to time.

This is a very long way of saying as long as you stick with the advice you will get better.

You are coping remarkably well after what you have been through.

Stay strong.

 

Sassenach

[Amanda167]

Hi Sassenach 

 

Thanks for responding 

 

I can't seem to shift this negative thought pattern. I can't seem to vision ever feeling normal and feel constantly low and sick.

I feel like I've lost all my confidence in myself and my Son is going to his dad's tomorrow and I'm terrified of being alone, not been so for 4 weeks. I have no-one I'm comfortable enough with to stay with or stay with me as haven't spoke to anyone for weeks. I asked my dad to stay but he can't 

The last time I was left alone, I called an ambulance as was freaking out  so bad, am so scared I'm going to do something stupid but I can't bear to think of another crap day full of negative thoughts that no matter what I do, don't seem to shift.

I'm terrified that one of these meds is causing a bad reaction making me far more depressed.

I'm terrified I'll feel this way in the morning or any day for that matter... feeling incredibly low.

I've moved the dosages of valium as suggested and made them equal.

Please advise , I really can't imagine anyone feeling this bad.

I just don't know how to fill my days, done all my housework today for 4 hours solid to try and distract... can't even raise the slightest smile, just want to hide and bury myself until I feel better.

This hurts so bad 😢 x

 

Physically I'm better but emotionally I'm in hell 

 

Edited July 26, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[Amanda167]

2 hours ago, Anthony75 said:

Hi Amanda,

Sorry you’re not feeling well. With practicing everything that Shep just posted Is how I was able to cope. It’s hard at first but it gets easier. It really is worth the effort and definitely works. If you need help applying those tools please let me know. I will help you the best I can. Best wishes, Anthony 

Thanks Anthony 

 

I'm permanently terrified. 

I just can't see it getting any better.

6 months and the only Window was the 30 mins I had with my boy

I'm really scared and tomorrow I'll be alone.

Trying all motivation videos, meditations,  affirmations,  just not doing anything for me today x

[Amanda167]

26/07/19 Diary 

 

9am valium .55

 

11am. Sandwich in bed

 

2pm. Finally got up. Head pressure and dizziness still and severe SI thoughts and depression 

 

3pm to 7pm. Done all housework, very low mood. 

 

7pm. Small dinner

7pm. 10mg Paxil 

7pm. 4mg quetiapine 

 

8pm to 9pm. Very strong SI thoughts... pretty much whole day. 

Lack of confidence and positivity.

 

9pm. valium

Walked dog

 

10pm. 375mg Zoplicone 

 

12am. Bed

 

Not a good day although I got things done.

Physical pain not so bad, emotional pain severe 

 

Amanda x

 

Edited July 26, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[Amanda167]

Hi Sassenach 

 

Is 

it normal to be in pain almost 24/7?

 

I have constant chest and head pain,  sickness and upset stomach plus anxiety,  it's severe and very distressing and uncomfortable. 

 

I just know what to do to get relief. It's like I'm being tortured.

 

Amanda x

 

Edited July 27, 2019 by ChessieCat
resized font and removed quote

[Sassenach]

19 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

Lack of confidence and positivity.

Hi Amanda

 

19 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

3pm to 7pm. Done all housework,

 

19 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

Walked dog

It is normal to feel rotten but a week ago you could not have done the above in a day.

That is improvement, it is how we measure it.

This time next week you may still feel you are not winning, but entries like these will prove otherwise, as long as you stick at it and keep the faith.

Have the best weekend you can.

Sassenach

[Amanda167]

Thanks Sassenach 

 

Been crying in agony all day.

 

I'm in so much pain.

 

Could it be the zopiclone?? Interdose withdrawals??

 

I'm in pure agony and terrified.

 

Seriously, do people really go through this??? 

 

I don't wish to die ever but I would be someone to put me out this misery. 

 

Sorry so negative,  I'm in alot of pain right now.

 

When does it stop?? Or ease??? 

 

Is it normal to be in this much pain?

 

Hurting bad. Xx

 

 

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[Amanda167]

It seems I can only do anything mostly after taking zopiclone, this worries me 

 

I've also changed my valium times and split dosages as suggested. 

Could having a lower AM dose make things rocky?

 

Sorry, feel so desperate for relief 

 

Worried one of the meds is creating an adverse reaction 

 

Thanks, Amanda x

 

 

 

 

[Amanda167]

Hi Sassenach 

 

I'm in agony still... very sick and body pain all over. Agitated and crying constantly 

 

Could the valium time changes and morning lower dose have done this.

 

Feeling desperate,  the pain is awful

 

Please advise x

[Shep]

On 7/26/2019 at 6:30 PM, Amanda167 said:

Physical pain not so bad, emotional pain severe 

 

 

On 7/27/2019 at 2:28 PM, Amanda167 said:

I'm in so much pain.

 

Could it be the zopiclone?? Interdose withdrawals??

 

On July 26, you were getting some relief from the pain. What time of the day did the pain return on July 27? 

 

This is important information because it could be interdose withdrawal from Zopiclone. 

 

Does the physical pain go away when you take Zopiclone?

 

Please keep posting your drug and symptoms journal daily. 

[Amanda167]

Hi Shep

 

The physical pain is present pretty much all day, same as emotional pain and it only goes away after taking the zopiclone.  It's the only time I can function at all.

 

It's been sheer torture and now I've awoken to the chest pain again which is very uncomfortable plus stomach pain.

 

So tempted to take Zopiclone because that's the only time I get relief.

 

Please advise

 

It's been severe past 3 days plus very nausea.

 

Thank you for responding x

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
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[Shep]

1 hour ago, Amanda167 said:

The physical pain is present pretty much all day, same as emotional pain and it only goes away after taking the zopiclone.  It's the only time I can function at all.

 

What do you think about crossing over the morning Valium to Zopiclone? 

 

According to the benzo equivalency table, 15 mg Zopiclone = 10 mg Valium.

 

15 (x) = 10

x = .6667

 

Your current Valium dose in the morning is .5 mg.

 

.5 mg Valium / .667 = .75 mg Zopiclone

 

We generally recommend switching over gradually, so you could start out with .375 mg Zopiclone and .25 mg Valium in the morning for a few days and then remove the Valium completely and take the full .75 mg Zopiclone dose.  However, the half-life of Valium is so long and these doses are so small, you may be able to change over abruptly.

 

Please post your thoughts. If you haven't already gotten tapering supplies, you'll need to get a scale or you could make your own liquid.

 

Please note that Zopiclone is not very soluble in water, but it is lipid soluble, so some people will make a liquid solution with whole milk. However, using water can also work as long as you are consistent with how you make your suspension. 

 

For more information, please see:

• Using a digital scale to measure doses
• Making a liquid from a tablet or capsules

[Amanda167]

Hi Shep

 

Would I not be making things more difficult long term by doing so?

 

I'm worried about the short half life of zopiclone and heard it's harder to get off than valium.

 

However, I'm in so much pain and discomfort,  think I'd try anything 

 

Please post your thoughts on my concerns

 

Thanks x

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[Shep]

9 minutes ago, Amanda167 said:

Would I not be making things more difficult long term by doing so?

 

I'm worried about the short half life of zopiclone and heard it's harder to get off than valium.

 

Yes, Zopiclone does have a short half life. But if you're dealing with interdose withdrawal, then you need to take it more often than once a day. What I posted is one way of getting you a second Zopiclone dose without having to increase your overall benzo intake. 

 

Another option would be to split the nightly Zopiclone dose and move it to earlier in the day to help with interdose withdrawal.  But you would have less of the Zopiclone at night, so your sleep may suffer. 

[Amanda167]

Hi Shep

 

Would this make it easier to come off eventually?

 

Can I take a small dose now to see if it helps?

 

I'm in so much pain and distress,  can't get up but can't lay down either x

 

 

Just took .750mg Zopiclone as in to much distress, want to see if it helps 

 

I'm so sick, I can't function at all.

Need to be able to get up, been 3 days of constant sickness, pain and agitatation.

 

Sorry, am desperate x

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
Took zopiclone

[Amanda167]

Hi Shep or anyone 

 

I've been bedridden mostly for the past 4 days due to physical and emotional pain 

I took .750 zopiclone at noon to see if it would help.

Went downstairs to do a bit in the house and don't even recognise my house,  feel extremely depressed and can't seem to imagine ever feeling normal again and I keep having psychotic episodes which I've never experienced before WDs and they are overwhelmingly scary especially with the constant SI thoughts and depression.

Does this ever end???,

I'm so bored, lonely and afraid. Agoraphobia has set in again.

I'm thinking maybe the reinstatement to 10mg of Paxil was to much from 7mg, updose should I say.... or is another med causing an adverse reaction?

I'm terrified I'll never feel normal again. I can't stand doing nothing, driving me insane... I want my life back.

 

Please advise 

 

Has anyone been through this and came out feeling normal again?

 

Very scared x

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[Bellamy]

Hi Amanda,

 

I had a few psychotic episodes earlier in my withdrawal - feeling like the room I was in was malevolent, people's faces on TV being distorted and looking "evil". This did go away but my withdrawal nightmare goes on unabated.

 

Every symptom seems like it will stay forever when you have it. Just about the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that my symptoms change so frequently (unfortunately they have all been bad up to now) - surely a good one must come along at some point!

 

You are so strong to have come through this much.

 

Wishing you the very best my friend,

 

Bellamy

[Amanda167]

 

Thank you

 

I'm struggling so bad

 

Can't breathe,  anxiety off the scale

 

Please, I want it to stop.

 

I'm exhausted 

 

Sorry, really bad

 

Thank you for always being there for me

 

I'm in bits xx

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[Amanda167]

 

Shall I try and reduce the Paxil slightly? 

 

If a med is causing problems, will stabilising help or would you need to taper quickly?

 

I'm worried that something causing me to be worse.

 

Sorry, I know I'm a pain... just afraid. Never felt so desperate and don't know what I need to do to find stability 

 

Trying to read other stories and some say reducing their meds helped 😓

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[Amanda167]

Hi Bellamy 

 

Hope you're okay 

 

Have you ever thought that the dose increase may make things worse for us??

 

I feel like maybe I should not have increased from 7mg to 10mg... I know, I'm plucking at straws to try and make sense of how bad things are for us.

 

I'm struggling to imagine feeling good again... makes me want to stop all meds CT, not advising it st all but really wish there was some way of telling of what we should do.

 

Did you manage to read your article?

 

I managed to clean a little and do food but was having bad air hunger... haven't had that this severe for at least 2/3 weeks.

 

I got a friend coming to stay to help out but I'm terrified of seeing anyone in this state. Don't know if that's creating extra anxiety. Just scared that others will think I'm mental and not just suffering from horrendous withdrawals.

 

Do you have visitors at all?

 

Anyway, hope you're okay and got a break today.

 

And please try and eat something other than cereal as you need your nutrition.  I know it's difficult.

 

I often make fruit and veg Smoothies at night ready to blast in the morning.

 

I order my food online currently and avoid any processed foods, caffeine,  sugar, etc etc 

 

Not though it's doing me much good as still suffering. 

 

Catch you soon xx

 

PS, You are very strong too. Don't forget it x

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[Bellamy]

Hi Amanda,

 

I'm at a total loss regarding the up-dose I made. I'm not good at all but I was so bad before I up-dosed that I'm not going to change the dosage now otherwise I might end up on the psych ward, or worse. I feel totally stuck and no-one has any answers. 

 

I emailed David Healy who is just about the most trustworthy professional in Britain when it comes to SSRI withdrawal. He agreed to see me but said there wouldn't be much point as there was nothing he could do as nobody has a clue what's happening once withdrawal sets in. At least he was honest - a rarity in this field, as well as others.

 

I try to avoid having visitors while I'm going through this as it only adds to my distress. Btw I did read the article I told you about but not all of it sank in. Generally I've had a very slightly better day up to now than usual, but that's from an extremely low benchmark. I'm going to have a cuppa-soup now so that'll be a change from cereal.

 

I hope your friend gives you some comfort.

 

Take care,

 

Bellamy

[Amanda167]

Hi Bellamy 

 

Totally get the benchmark comment... sadly!

 

Yes, unfortunately,  it does all seem trial and error.

 

Nothing sinks into my brain at the moment. I'm smoking more than ever because I'm just so stressed.

 

My only enjoyment is going to sleep. I hope we can just wake up and feel normal again soon. I've always been a happy person.

 

Hope you get some peace soon xx

[Anthony75]

Hi Amanda,

 

Sorry I haven’t replied. Not trying to ignore you. I’v been in a wave and just coming out of it. Sorry I can’t type too much right now as it is hard to focus. But you definitely will feel better. In my opinion I think at first having someone there might be a little uncomfortable. But shortly after I believe it will be great for you to have someone with you. I believe hanging out with your friend will take your mind off withdrawals. It’s definitely a positive thing all around. Sorry I would comment on more of your questions but can’t right now. As soon as I’m feeling better I will be back on here. Wishing you a window soon, Anthony 

[Amanda167]

Hi Anthony 

 

Totally understand. 

In a horrendous wave still... very sick. The nausea and bad stomach is awful too.

 

Hope we all find some peace soon.

 

I'm struggling to write also.

 

Take care of yourself xx

[Shep]

 

20 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

I took .750 zopiclone at noon to see if it would help.

Went downstairs to do a bit in the house and don't even recognise my house,  feel extremely depressed and can't seem to imagine ever feeling normal again and I keep having psychotic episodes which I've never experienced before WDs and they are overwhelmingly scary especially with the constant SI thoughts and depression.

 

Since you take your morning Valium at 9 AM, this dose of Zopiclone would have been three hours after dosing Valium. So the derealization (not being able to recognize your house) is either a side effect of the Zopiclone (it is a hypnotic) and / or a paradoxical reaction due to having already taken the Valium. 

 

Please note when I suggested taking .75 mg to help with interdose withdrawal, it was to replace the Valium, not in addition to it. 

 

18 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

Shall I try and reduce the Paxil slightly? 

 

Please continue with the drug and symptoms journal. I looked for a recent one and unless I missed it again, the last one I see is from Friday, which was 4 days ago. It's unknown whether or not reducing the Paxil will help because of all of the other changes that occurred at the same time you were updosing several months ago. And you also had a brand change in the mix. 

 

I would work on dealing with the interdose withdrawal issues of the zopiclone first and see if that helps. And then we can address the Paxil, since that's the drug you'll want to reduce first. But it's helpful to have the drug and symptoms journal because it shows how your symptoms within the context of when you take each drug. 

[Amanda167]

20 minutes ago, Shep said:

Please note when I suggested taking .75 mg to help with interdose withdrawal, it was to replace the Valium, not in addition to it. 

Hi Shep

 

I understand this, was desperate for relief 

I already Just finished adjusting the valium doses from 11am .60 and 7pm .40 to now both 9am/9pm .50, since that change, I've been very sick and scared to now stop the AM valium dose as already in Withdrawals from cutting it down 

 

I'm wondering whether to just split the zopiclone dose in 2 instead??

 

I'm not getting any relief, the stomach upset and nausea is intense. How can I ease this, it's making me so depressed, not to mention the chest and head pressure and discomfort. 

 

I know I want to reduce all the meds but right now, I'd take anything to feel normal. Seems the zopiclone is the only thing that takes the edge off at all.

 

Sorry about the diary, not been great, will try and do one now from yesterday and keep up with it.

 

Many thanks

Amanda