sunnysideup69: what can I do to stabilise on venlafaxine

[sunnysideup69]

@Guilietta,

Thank you. Hugs appreciated at the moment.

 

14 hours ago, Guilietta said:

 

Hello Sweetie,

 

Life is rarely fair and certainly we've had our share of it - whether each other's WD, etc.  directly or family members.

 

You can say that again. 

 

 

14 hours ago, Guilietta said:

 

We all grieve in different ways. Having some time to accept/prepare for the loss of a loved one may make the passing a bit less traumatising.

 

 

Yes, I almost think this bit is worse. It's 'the waiting.' We know what's coming, but we don't know when. Plus, all the family stuff it stirs up. I'm writing all past grievances down. Gotta burn that **** and let it go.

Lots of love to you, will be back on here over the next couple of days. 

[sunnysideup69]

Weekly update.

Slight uptick in palpitations / weird sleep patterns, but I'm attributing that to the shock of my brother's now terminal diagnosis. I knew, deep down, that he was dying, when he had to have additional rounds of radiotherapy. But it's still a shock to officially hear the terminal diagnosis.

 

I'm still pretty much functioning at WD normal, though. Even had some windows on Thursday. Waves of grief come and go. Have taken three days out of work this week to digest the news properly. One friend advised me to 'keep going' but I realise that she also doesn't understand WD and how much strain my system has already been under. I needed to stop and rest.

 

It's obviously quite a stressful time. Have to admit, my diet has been crap over the last three days...have eaten junk food. Need to reign that in again now and get back into the healthy eating plan. Plus, meditation. Plus, legs up wall yoga. I notice how easily I fall off the wagon when the **** hits the fan. And that's okay. The time it takes me to recover is getting less.

 

I will go back to work next week, it's the last week before half term and I need to see the half term through.

 

 

[Carmie]

Hi Sunnysideup, 

 

I can’t read much due to brainfog but I see you’ve been on a trip somewhere in January. How have you been doing?

 

My brain fog is bad, did I even get the right year😂😂. I think I was looking on a different page. 
 

I’m just reading your last post. I’m so extremely sorry to hear about your brother, that’s heartbreaking. Yes, I know when one is under stress from such sad things one doesn’t seem to care whether we eat junk food or not. I really am sorry you are going through so much stress.

 

I’m glad to hear though that you’re in withdrawal normal.
 

Sending hugs🤗

Edited February 9, 2020 by Carmie
Additions

[Erell]

My dear Sunny,

 

I'm so sorry To read your pain.

I know words are little in such situations, so I just wanted To hug you and give you all my love ❤

[Sottana]

@sunnysideup69

You need to treat yourself as well as possible during this time. 

Don’t feel bad about the diet. Sometimes we really do need to just indulge to deal with the pain, that’s how I feel at least. You’re strong and will get through this. Thinking of you and yours :). Sending positivity from the East coast of the U.S. 

 

❤️❤️❤️❤️

 

Anthony 

[Giulietta]

On 2/8/2020 at 1:18 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

Need to reign that in again now and get back into the healthy eating plan. Plus, meditation. Plus, legs up wall yoga. I notice how easily I fall off the wagon when the **** hits the fan. And that's okay. The time it takes me to recover is getting less.

 

Hello Sweetie,

 

I've been thinking of you. 

 

Treat yourself kindly and gently! Esp when stress increases and your CNS is fragile. When the time is right you can ease back into the good habits. Maybe one at a time...

 

Hugs,

G.

[sunnysideup69]

Dear @Carmie, @Guilietta, @Sottana and @Erell, thanks so much for your kind words. Really means a lot. Saw my bro on Saturday and it was heartbreaking. But I'm really glad I was well enough to go. Of course, I've got an uptick in symptoms at the moment and sleep is all over the place. But am surviving. Got back on the healthy eating yesterday and had a run.

 

Still got two days off work before going back and then next week, it's half term. Will be really glad to stop and rest. Going to see parents and then brother later in the week.

 

Today and tomorrow just slouching on the sofa. Meditating. Eating as well as possible. Getting as much rest as I can. Grief comes and goes. Anxiety comes and goes. Some palpitations every now and again, nervous system has taken a bit of a hit, obviously.

 

I'm just grateful that I had begun to stabilise on the Venlafaxine, could be a lot worse right now.

Sending you all hugs, too xxx

 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Spoke too soon. Having a sh*tty day, big anxiety, palpitations and feeling awful. This news would knock me even if I was well, so in WD, it's awful. Any wise words appreciated @Gridley and all xxx

[Gridley]

18 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Having a sh*tty day, big anxiety, palpitations and feeling awful.

Sorry you're feeling bad.  It's always a shock after feeling good to hit a wave.  As you know, it's going to be ups and downs but the general trajectory is up.  I hope you feel better very soon.

[sunnysideup69]

2 minutes ago, Gridley said:

Sorry you're feeling bad.  It's always a shock after feeling good to hit a wave.  As you know, it's going to be ups and downs but the general trajectory is up.  I hope you feel better very soon.

@Gridley, it's more situational, bro has been very unwell and now has terminal diagnosis. It's not like it's a total surprise but it's still awful. Has provoked a bit of a wave, but I guess the coping strategies are still the same.....

[Gridley]

3 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

diagnosis.

So, so sorry, Sunnysideup.  

[sunnysideup69]

23 minutes ago, Gridley said:

So, so sorry, Sunnysideup.  

@Gridley, thank you. I think I know the answer, but is it normal that life stresses can provoke an uptick in symptoms/ a wave?

[Giulietta]

51 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

but is it normal that life stresses can provoke an uptick in symptoms/ a wave?

 

Hello Sweetie,

 

I am very sorry that you are feeling worse - particularly after your window. It is dishearteing. It is temporary. Even though we may look back to this trend (at least as what I have  experienced) when this happens - and know it is just a temporary set back - it can be beyond frustrating. Keep believing you (and the rest of us) will make it through this as we will.

 

I wish I was in London  to give you a real hug.Otherwise please accept my geniuine and heartfelt sentiments during this particularly trying time for you.  Crying on another's shoulder and a hug are things I really need sometimes

 

Again - sorry about your brother and the sadness for you and your family. I am glad you were able to visit him this weekend.

 

Sending you a PM.

 

Hugs, your friend across the pond.

Giuilietta

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Thanks so much, @Guilietta, needed the reminder that this is a temporary setback. Anyone would be upset by terminal illness in the family and it's really trying when dealing with WD. My mind is just whirling today, I'm jerky with body ticks, feeling tearful and angsty and mildly panicky now and again. My system has had a shock, for sure.

 

Just resting on the sofa as much as I can and trying not to ruminate and catastrophise.

 

 

[insistpersistresist]

My thoughts are with you, Sunny. The following showed up on a page today that I follow on facebook called The Artidote and thought of you:

 

‪”healing comes in waves‬
‪and maybe today‬
‪the wave hits the rocks‬

‪and that’s ok,‬
‪that’s ok, darling‬

‪you are still healing‬
‪you are still healing.‬”
‪—Ijeoma Umebinyuo, be gentle on yourself

 

 

[Erell]

Dear Sunny,

 

I hope it Will help you with your symptoms : last November when my grandma died,  I had an awful wave, anxiety broke my legs!

I was then sure that something was wrong, couldn't believe that this news was responsible, in part, of this big wave.

 

Brassmonkey, Rhiannon, Sassenach patiently told me that it was the case and that I would soon be back To my baseline.

Guess what ? They were right!

 

In an ordinary case, such situation can cause strong émotions. And our sensitive CNS try To deal as best as they can.

 

Don't worry : it may look like a major setback,but it is not. You're still healing dear ❤

[Carmie]

Again just wanted to say I’m so sorry for the sadness you’re going through Sunnysideup,

 

Stress and the sad things we experience in this life can certainly ramp up the withdrawals, sending you big hugs🤗🤗

[Sottana]

Sunnyside, stress ABSOLUTELY temporarily ramp up symptoms. Key word, temporarily. I know how scary it is. I think everyone goes through one major stressor or hardship in WD that is external to WD, possibly more. You will get through this and come out stronger than before. Just ty to be as gentle as possible with yourself. ❤️❤️

[thelegend]

So sorry to hear this, I am sure it is just a blip. Just remember how much better you were doing and you are on the path to healing. You will get there.

[sunnysideup69]

@insistpersistresist, @Erell, @Carmie, @Sottana, @thelegend,

 

Thank you. Your comments mean a lot. I slept for a lot of the day yesterday. Still have heightened anxiety and palpitations, racing thoughts, tension in my arms. Intermittently crying but sometimes feeling numb and frozen. This is too much info, sorry, but I was completely constipated for about three days after the news, too. Body just shut down.

It's the stress and upset of the situation plus WD.

 

I hate not living up to my idea of how I *should* be behaving, in this situation ....but I just can't, have to keep reminding myself I was not long feeling better and that this news has understandably thrown everything into the air again.

 

I'm not going back to work this week. It's just too much.I thought it would help to get back into some 'normality' but I just don't feel I could cope with work this week. I need some time for my system to calm a bit from the shock.

[sunnysideup69]

@Gridley, kind of already know the answer, but I'm gonna ask, just for reassurance. Feeling a bit needy again.

Obviously it's a stressful time because of brother's terminal diagnosis. This has provoked a bit of a wave again over the last week, which I guess is to be expected.Feel absolutely exhausted. I guess, whether a wave is from external circumstances or not, the coping mechanisms will still be the same as recommended on this site?

 

Also, well-meaning friends are advising me to 'keep busy.' However, they also don't get WD at all. Obviously some distraction is good, but I don't want to make WD worse by rushing around.

 

Didn't go to work last week, after news about bro, and haven't gone this week. I'm too darned exhausted. I have been out for some gentle exercise, walking mostly. I was still running last week, but I think it's too much at the moment, and a brisk walk is better.

 

I'm so frustrated that I've gone backwards and a bit guilty about not being the 'model daughter' at the moment, rushing to my brother's bedside, rushing to be with my parents. I just can't. Have to accept my own limitations.

 

Really needing encouragement today. I feel a bit vulnerable to the idea of updosing, to make it all go away.....but I know really that would make things worse.

[Sottana]

Hey Sunnyside! I know I’m not Gridley, and that’s who you requested, but i just had to chime in after you helped me out yesterday. 
 

I truly feel one of the biggest impediments to my healing was an updose that I did after a traumatic event that happened in my life (bad break up and loss of job). I look back on it and it pains me to think of the agony I went through after making that decision. I’m not saying this will happen to you, but I am saying that I don’t think it’s the right path for you. You’ve come so far and you were seeing real and meaningful progress towards stabilization. What you’ve gone through would throw anyone off, never mind someone in withdrawal. I truly feel that if you hang on a bit longer, you’ll find that baseline start to return that you were experiencing not so long ago. I think you have all the tools to stabilize again. I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you, but try not to conflate something that is naturally incredibly difficult with the need to updose, I truly feel that is the mindset that got us all into this mess. 
 

Anyway, I’m sure you’re just venting and don’t really want updose. I thought I’d just give you my two cents and let you know you’re on the right path and will feel much better eventually.

 

Anthony 

[sunnysideup69]

4 minutes ago, Adili13 said:

Hey Sunnyside! I know I’m not Gridley, and that’s who you requested, but i just had to chime in after you helped me out yesterday. 
 

I truly feel one of the biggest impediments to my healing was an updose that I did after a traumatic event that happened in my life (bad break up and loss of job). I look back on it and it pains me to think of the agony I went through after making that decision. I’m not saying this will happen to you, but I am saying that I don’t think it’s the right path for you. You’ve come so far and you were seeing real and meaningful progress towards stabilization. What you’ve gone through would throw anyone off, never mind someone in withdrawal. I truly feel that if you hang on a bit longer, you’ll find that baseline start to return that you were experiencing not so long ago. I think you have all the tools to stabilize again. I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you, but try not to conflate something that is naturally incredibly difficult with the need to updose, I truly feel that is the mindset that got us all into this mess. 
 

Anyway, I’m sure you’re just venting and don’t really want updose. I thought I’d just give you my two cents and let you know you’re on the right path and will feel much better eventually.

 

Anthony 

 

Thanks Anthony,

I know it wouldn't really help and thanks so much for your kind words xxx The switch was working and you're right, major life events like death are enough to throw anyone off. I just have to keep the faith that if I hang on, that baseline will return. It's just so dam frustrating. Also dealing with the guilt of what I somehow feel I ought to be doing versus what I'm actually capable of at the moment.

Thank you so much for saying this. I really need to hear it from outside sources, at the moment.

I'm feeling guilty today; guilty for not visiting my brother more; guilty for not rushing to be with parents (but being around them doesn't help with WD); guilty for taking more time out of work. Woke up in a big guilt fest

How do other people deal with guilt? Keep reminding myself that I'm unwell, but it's not visible to the world.

[Sottana]

Guilt is HUGE for me too. I struggle with it on a daily basis. Guilty for relying on people too much and stressing them out, guilty for not pursuing my career goals, guilty for living at home with parents, guilty for all the bad decisions I’ve made with these drugs. I know you know it does us no good, but the WD brain goes into that headspace almost automatically. You are a good person and have nothing to feel guilty about. You’ve been dealt an unbelievable challenge and it’s made it so you can’t do everything you wish you could do. An old trick that I use is this: what would you say to a friend who is going through what you are? Would you tell them how irresponsible they are and how they should feel guilty? Or would you tell them that they’re doing their absolute best given the circumstances, and that they need to love themselves as much as possible. What would you tell me, for that matter? I get it though, just try to be as objective as possible. You’re going to be ok. 

[sunnysideup69]

Thank you @Sottana, so grateful for that. It's awful, the stress we put ourselves through, isn't it? Got tears in my eyes, reading that. One of the reasons I feel most guilty about taking time off work is because the assumption is it's to be with brother/ family.

 

It's not. It's to not add extra pressure to my CNS at the moment. People say things like 'yes of course, you must spend time with family now.' It kind of assumes every family is a certain way. But mine isn't. And I find it really difficult being around my elderly parents in WD. They are both a bit emotionally constipated, so I feel lie I'm putting on a show.

 

[Sottana]

We really do beat the hell out of ourselves. 

[Gridley]

5 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I don't want to make WD worse by rushing around

Be gentle with yourself, especially now.

 

6 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

whether a wave is from external circumstances or not, the coping mechanisms will still be the same as recommended on this site?

 

The same.

 

6 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I'm so frustrated that I've gone backwards and a bit guilty about not being the 'model daughter' at the moment, rushing to my brother's bedside, rushing to be with my parents. I just can't. Have to accept my own limitations.

 

 

We all go backwards.  It's certainly to be expected in your situation.  No, we can't be model anythings in WD.  Yes, we are limited and, yes, accept those limitations.  Again, be gentle with yourself and kind to yourself.

[sunnysideup69]

@Gridley, thank you. I realise it's hard for other people to understand. Was getting advice to keep going, stay at work, keep busy.....but my body is having a hard enough time coping with the shock to the system at the moment. I give myself permission to lounge on the sofa.

[sunnysideup69]

I've woken this morning feeling a little bit calmer. It's a step in the right direction.I don't feel 'good', but I feel more confident that I can recover from this setback in terms of WD and going through another wave. Also, I'm trusting myself to work through the grief I feel.

 

Yesterday, had heightened anxiety, about 5, which hasn't happened since December/early January. Also, no desire to go out into the world and see anyone. Practically spent the whole day on the sofa, apart from going out to the bakery and buying an apple and cinnamon slice. Just accepting that this is how it is, for now. 

 

Had really looping thoughts; was obsessing over the thought that I may not be well enough to go to brother's funeral; beating myself up for not visiting him more; guilt for not going to work. Panicking about needing to be 'sociable' and not spending time alone. Second-guessing my decision to not be at work at the moment (even though I knew very clearly this Monday gone that I needed to stop.) God! How unkind I am to myself. It's quite shocking. 

 

I notice when anxiety/ a wave hits that I start scrabbling around trying to push myself to 'do' things and be busy, just like I was advised by friends...'don't stay in, keep active, keep your mind off things.' I'm not sure that, for me, that really helps. It just exhausts me even more and I think it's a way of avoiding feelings. I think if depressed, it can be helpful for me to gently nudge myself into activity. However, when anxiety is high, I need to really slow down and stop. I can't out-run it.

 

Had a bit of a light-bulb moment this morning; it doesn't really matter the source of the anxiety, whether it's drug induced or from an external stressor. The solution is the same. Lean into the meditation, sleep hygiene, good diet (although some treats allowed for comfort), movement. Legs-up-wall-yoga. Stop fortune -telling. Gentle pastimes (not frenetic running away.) I have, literally, stopped running this week, not running 5k. Walking it instead, not pushing myself, taking in my surroundings. 

 

The answers are not in a pill. They are in self-training and acceptance of feelings. I've been really afraid to feel this vulnerable before. Life seems to be putting me through anxiety boot-camp for the last two years.

 

Anyway, decided I am going to keep daily notes again for the forseeable future, whilst this wave is crashing.

 

 

[Gridley]

7 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Had a bit of a light-bulb moment this morning; it doesn't really matter the source of the anxiety, whether it's drug induced or from an external stressor. The solution is the same. Lean into the meditation, sleep hygiene, good diet (although some treats allowed for comfort), movement. Legs-up-wall-yoga. Stop fortune -telling. Gentle pastimes (not frenetic running away.) I have, literally, stopped running this week, not running 5k. Walking it instead, not pushing myself, taking in my surroundings. 

 

Definitely.  

 

Please try not to beat up on yourself.  You are literally doing the best you can.

[sunnysideup69]

Thank you @Gridley, support much appreciated xxx

[sunnysideup69]

Hello all, a quick update on how I'm doing. I'm still keeping daily notes on paper.

 

Well, this past week was a bit of a wave which gradually resolved, I'm not totally clear yet but am feeling less WD symptoms. Now I'm just left with the grief of my brother's impending death. I say 'just,' it's pretty weighty, and some days I feel better than others. But I'm okay, am able to cry. The drugs haven't taken that away.

 

My bro is in the best place possible and is being looked after really well. I'm glad his days are ending with him being looked after and cared about.....although he really deserved it sooner. That's what I'm grieving, really. His church have been fantastic and instrumental in sorting out his end of life wishes, which has been amazing, given that mum and dad live a hundred miles away and are in their eighties.

[Junglechicken]

So sorry Sunny about your brother's diagnosis.

 

Thinking of you, and sending you hugs.

 

Ensure you nurture yourself throughout this very difficult time.

[sunnysideup69]

23 hours ago, Junglechicken said:

So sorry Sunny about your brother's diagnosis.

 

Thinking of you, and sending you hugs.

 

Ensure you nurture yourself throughout this very difficult time.

 

Thanks so much, @Junglechicken. Really appreciate and will do. Planning lots of nice things with friends, even though it feels hard. Must keep living even though grieving ❤️

[sunnysideup69]

Quick update. The worst of that wave has passed. Some intrusive thoughts yesterday morning before I travelled back to parental home in Chippenham. However, they are coping okay with the news about brother.

 

I had a good sleep here last night, too, which is amazing, as it has been very difficult to sleep in a bed that's not my own. Got a solid seven hours.

 

It's half term this week so I can rest a bit more and hopefully nervous system will settle further. Going back to London today.

[Sottana]

Such great news, sunnyside. So happy things are turning around for you, I knew they would! Hugs!