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Hell

Hell: I am very scared (mostly about insomnia)

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lxjuice

If you think you have sleep apnea then get a sleep study. There is no point worrying about it without finding out.

 

How long are you spending in bed? If it's a lot then you could try CBT-I and you may see improvement in as little as a week.

 

https://www.veterantraining.va.gov/insomnia/index.asp


Dx: complex PTSD

Discontinuation/taper history: sertraline, trazodone, prazosin, mirtazapine, diazepam

Took 200mg quetiapine for 0.5 years and 150mg for 1.5 years until 01/2020. Now microtapering daily at an overall rate of 12.5mg/month.

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Hell

Every day I want to die sooo badly. I wish I could get enough courage to kill myself. I am sick of this torture.


2015 - Elicea for 2 months, quit cold turkey, survived withdrawal (brain zaps, severe depression)

2018 - april to july, Xanax, quit cold turkey, no serious withdrawal symptoms

2018 - august to late december, Mirtazapine, psychiatrist got me off it cold turkey

2019 - january to april, Seroxat, again stopped cold turkey

In late january 2019 noticed double vision when looking at bright letters or lights from a distance and certain angles, it is either because of stopping Mirtazapine cold turkey or because of starting Seroxat, I still have it and it might be getting worse with time

2019 - june to 13th of november, Zyprexa (2.5mg-10mg), tappered it on my own very fast (few days) then stopped completely

2019 - middle of october to november 13th, Zoloft (0.6mg-25mg), tappered it on my own very fast (few days) then stopped completely

Horrible withdrawal with severe insomnia afterwards, not feeling hungry or sleepy, never tired, stomach problems, nausea...

24th november - reinstated 2.5mg zyprexa

3rd december - 5mg zyprexa

new symptoms - glare, halos around lights, muscle twitching worse, eyelid and cheek twitching every 5-10 minutes

11th january 2020 - 4.3mg zyprexa

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mstimc
3 minutes ago, Hell said:

Every day I want to die sooo badly. I wish I could get enough courage to kill myself. I am sick of this torture.

Its' not a lack of courage, Hell, its an abundance of common sense.  You know this is all temporary, especially in terms of the rest of your life.  God will take you in His own good time--don't try to do His job for Him.


Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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mstimc

Hell, if you are facing serious suicidal thoughts, you need to reach out for professional help right now.


Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Sunnyday
On 3/11/2020 at 9:51 PM, Hell said:

The biggest problem (I think) is that I probably got severe sleep apnea somehow and I choke as soon as I am about to fall asleep. It could have something to do with how my bite changed overnight and my jaw when I stopped the meds cold turkey. I don't see how this can improve now, it seems permanent. Only options I have now is to try cpap and sleep study or something but it is too expensive and I seriously doubt it can improve my situation. There are people who got sleep apnea and can't sleep without cpap, their situation can't improve on its own so how could mine? Even if it helps am I really done? Not being able to sleep without some f...... machine (even if that works) strapped to my mouth. I can't accept that. Losing something so crucial as sleep overnight and being ok with it? No. I just can't and would rather die soon.

The thing is you'd be more of an exception if your sleep never came back. I understand not wanting to be hooked up to a machine, but if it helps you sleep properly for now why not try it? We won't always find the perfect solution and we sometimes have to go with the next best thing. I also think that maybe when you finally do get more sleep, you can look at it more positively. I know that when I had trouble sleeping my depression got ten times worse and my dark thoughts worsened. Please give it a try if you can so that you can give your mind a chance to see things differently. This solution probably doesn't have to be permanent either and hopefully you can manage without it later on. Plenty of people use them and live good lives. 

 

You need to fight against the bad thoughts. Have you read the post about emotional spirals? It seems like most people go through it during WD and we all need to fight those ruminating thoughts to be able to get through this, because in the end those are what makes us lose hope and give up. 

Practice removing any negative thought. Replace it with something else. 

 


2011-2015: Escitalopram (Cipralex) 20 mg, Voxra 300 mg (quit Voxra in late 2015, no issues)

2016: Started tapering Escitalopram 5 mg at a time, every fourth week

July 24th, 2016: Escitalopram 5 mg

April 2nd, 2017: Quit last dosage (WD worsened a lot)

Ca 6 last months of 2017: Taking Diazepam 15-25 mg irregularly, less than once a month

Ca Dec 2017: Out of Diazepam, i.e free from all prescribed drugs

Now: Still drug free

Supplements: Irregular intake of Omega-3, magnesium, vitamin D.

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Shep
On 11/23/2019 at 12:11 PM, Hell said:

Last night I was waking up as usual but slept better because I took 6mg of melatonin.

 

Hell, are you still using melatonin? If so, how much are you taking?

 

I'm concerned you're still on a high dose and it may be having a paradoxical reaction. Please see:

 

Melatonin for sleep

 

  

On 12/2/2019 at 5:21 PM, Sunnyday said:

I want to add that I don't think you should dismiss a possible health issue like sleep apnea if you suspect that is what's going on. I just noticed there's a lot of worry/fear so I responded mainly to that. 

 

I'm going to echo what Sunnyday wrote. If you have an underlying medical issue that may be causing your insomnia or making it worse, please get checked out by a doctor. 


Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

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Sunnyday

How are you doing @Hell ?

 

I hope @Happy2Heal doesn't mind that I quote her here, because she said something that I thought could be reassuring to hear.

She said ''One thing that may help you as it helped me, while I was suffering the worst of insomnia, I read as much about sleep and insomnia as I could. I came across some very reassuring information, sleep is a primary need. Your body needs it so much, it will get it, whether you're aware of it or not. It could be just certain parts of your brain shutting down for sleep while others are active, but it does definitely sleep. It's so vital, it just happens.''


2011-2015: Escitalopram (Cipralex) 20 mg, Voxra 300 mg (quit Voxra in late 2015, no issues)

2016: Started tapering Escitalopram 5 mg at a time, every fourth week

July 24th, 2016: Escitalopram 5 mg

April 2nd, 2017: Quit last dosage (WD worsened a lot)

Ca 6 last months of 2017: Taking Diazepam 15-25 mg irregularly, less than once a month

Ca Dec 2017: Out of Diazepam, i.e free from all prescribed drugs

Now: Still drug free

Supplements: Irregular intake of Omega-3, magnesium, vitamin D.

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Hell

I am getting worse and worse. Now my eyes are burning from the lack of sleep too and eye drops are not helping. I am miserable. Can't do anything anymore just bed ridden watching myself getting worse. People get better with time but I only get more and more symptoms on top of everything like it isn't enough. I hate that I am still alive, I am torturing myself by living.


2015 - Elicea for 2 months, quit cold turkey, survived withdrawal (brain zaps, severe depression)

2018 - april to july, Xanax, quit cold turkey, no serious withdrawal symptoms

2018 - august to late december, Mirtazapine, psychiatrist got me off it cold turkey

2019 - january to april, Seroxat, again stopped cold turkey

In late january 2019 noticed double vision when looking at bright letters or lights from a distance and certain angles, it is either because of stopping Mirtazapine cold turkey or because of starting Seroxat, I still have it and it might be getting worse with time

2019 - june to 13th of november, Zyprexa (2.5mg-10mg), tappered it on my own very fast (few days) then stopped completely

2019 - middle of october to november 13th, Zoloft (0.6mg-25mg), tappered it on my own very fast (few days) then stopped completely

Horrible withdrawal with severe insomnia afterwards, not feeling hungry or sleepy, never tired, stomach problems, nausea...

24th november - reinstated 2.5mg zyprexa

3rd december - 5mg zyprexa

new symptoms - glare, halos around lights, muscle twitching worse, eyelid and cheek twitching every 5-10 minutes

11th january 2020 - 4.3mg zyprexa

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Altostrata

Are you still taking 4.3mg Zyprexa? Does it help you sleep? What is your sleep schedule?

 

What kind of eye drops do you use? If they are drops to decrease redness in the eye, they can be drying. They cause additional problems.

 

Have you pursued treatment for sleep apnea?


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Icip

How are you doing Hell? I hope you’re okay


Early September 2019 - One 25mg dose of Sertraline taken.

 

Early October 2019 - Five 25mg doses (pills) of Sertraline taken for five consecutive days.

 

Withdrawal/reaction happened on the 27th of October (2019) in the evening.

 

Main symptoms: Visual Snow/HPPD, derealisation, tinnitus, and brain/cog fog.

 

Drug free.

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Icip

Thinking about you Hell, I hope you’re doing okay


Early September 2019 - One 25mg dose of Sertraline taken.

 

Early October 2019 - Five 25mg doses (pills) of Sertraline taken for five consecutive days.

 

Withdrawal/reaction happened on the 27th of October (2019) in the evening.

 

Main symptoms: Visual Snow/HPPD, derealisation, tinnitus, and brain/cog fog.

 

Drug free.

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