Administrator Popular Post Shep Posted May 25, 2020 Administrator Popular Post Share Posted May 25, 2020 (edited) Link to Benzo Forum Thread - Shep's Journey Link to French translation (courtesy of Erell): Se libérer de la psychiatrie - Shep : « Quitter la caverne de Platon » Leaving Plato’s Cave In Plato’s famous “Allegory of the Cave,” a group of human beings are chained since birth in a dark cave where a fire casts shadows of the world upon the walls. The shadows are all the prisoners know to be true. But one day, a prisoner breaks free and wanders out into the world. Her eyes are blinded by the sudden blast of sunlight and she is unsure of her reality and at times, longs to be back inside the familiar darkness. But as her eyes adjust, she is in awe of this new reality — people, nature, her own reflection! When she returns to the cave, the other prisoners laugh at her story in disbelief. . . . And so I left psychiatry — a dark cave of drug dependency, incarceration, deception, violence, mystification, and social control. The empty shadows on the walls that message this non-reality based belief system of mythical “mind diseases” fade out and a beautiful new reality unfolds before me. After 30 years, success from such an experience is a process, not a singular event. There may still be some unexpected waves, but that will allow the experience of re-emerging from periods of darkness with even more skill and resilience. For me, this part of the journey is very similar to the final phase of the grieving process. As Francis Weller reminds us in the book The Wild Edge of Sorrow, grief is sacred work. It’s an important teacher and should be honored, not feared. When symptoms are viewed as teachers and guides and you walk with them with curiosity and not fear, leaving Plato’s Cave turns into a journey of adventure and skill building. My signature symptom was - and is - DP/DR (depersonalization / derealization) and the lessons taught are in mindfulness and becoming The Observer. (I wrote about The Observer in several places in my benzo thread). I still have some lingering DP/DR, but this is a symptom I carry out of the cave with me, as I'm still learning from it and no longer view it as a problem but as a valued guide. Never give up — your new world awaits you. For many of us, it’s a brutal trip. So travel lightly and listen carefully to what your teachers and guides are telling you. As painful and confusing as it is, these symptoms are here for a reason. At five years off all drugs (from 30 years use), I can now: Run 30 - 60 minutes, four days a week, along with doing yoga and strength training. Runner’s high is beautiful! Bike 30 miles a week - urban cycling is now my main transportation to and from work because of subway and bus delays due to COVID-19 Work 40 - 45 hours a week (was unemployed for around 9 months due to severe akathisia and DP/DR) See the world with 20/20 vision (with glasses) - since last August (before that, my focus was in and out and I wasn’t able to get an accurate eyeglass prescription) Read books with a high level of concentration during windows. I get lost in activities now and experience a sense of “flow” when reading, working, exercising, and playing music for hours at a time Feel music deeply to the point of being moved to tears at times Experience powerful levels of spirituality and connection with the universe Sleep a restful 6 - 7.5 hours a night most nights (Netflix is a treat when insomnia hits now because I know the insomnia wave will pass and I like the excuse to watch movies in my favorites list) About me: 52-year-old female, currently working full time, no family, studio apartment, still navigating my way back into more social situations, complicated by the city’s partial shut-down due to COVID-19. Entry into psychiatric drugs: forced “treatment” in private and state psychiatric prisons off and on from the age of 17 until 21 for so-called “psychosis.” Gaslighted into long-term drug compliance with the lie that neuroleptics are a neuro-protective agent against brain damage caused by so-called “psychosis.” Never told about dopamine supersensitivity or tardive dysphoria. Drug and label history: 30 years of neuroleptics, benzodiazepines, z-drugs, so-called “anti”-depressants, and amphetamines. Labeled with “manic depression” and “PTSD” from years of physical and sexual abuse as a child. The “chemical imbalance” myth dominated the narrative because psychiatry replicates the patriarchal and paternalistic abuses of the nuclear family (and the larger political structure) within a medicalized context. This is not an accident. This is how the system is designed. Date of last drug taken: May 22, 2015 Reason for exiting the cave: After having spent more than 25 years working low-level jobs and bouncing from here to there, I descended into cognitive decline with voices and visuals, disassociation, akathisia, and suicidal thoughts. A psychiatrist suggested another change in drugs but — too fast, too soon, leading to a nervous system crash. After being threatened with forced “treatment” in the state psychiatric prison again in early 2014, I found Robert Whitaker’s book Anatomy of an Epidemic in a random Google search on my phone. The realization I had been poisoned was enough for me to control my behavior and save myself from further “treatment.” The psychiatric system disables and kills people. That’s not an abstract concept when you’re at the receiving end of forced “treatment.” Method of coming off psychiatric drugs: cold turkey and rapid taper off a cocktail of Seroquel, Viibryd, Klonopin, Sonata, Dexedrine, and Halcion (NOTE: I do NOT recommend this method of withdrawal - I didn’t find the withdrawal forums until I was almost completely off all drugs. Stay safe and taper if at all possible). Favorite non-drug coping skills: Shep’s Toolkit. For me, the non-drug coping skills were not optional. I still refer to this list and have tons more bookmarked in folders on my laptop. Mooji and Alan Watts are still my go-to sources for calming. The un-patienting process: During recovery, I began reading a lot of anti-psychiatry literature. Dr. Phil Hickey’s article sums it up well - In Defense of Anti-Psychiatry. Anti-psychiatry gave me the language to understand and name the world around me. Dr. Thomas Szasz is a major influence in my understanding of this world. He understood the power structure of psychiatry better than anyone I've read so far. Dr. Bruce Cohen's Psychiatric Hegemony: A Marxist Theory of Mental Illness helped me understand psychiatry's political structure. Psychiatry is about power and politics, not medicine. Psychiatry is not broken. The system was designed this way. Psychiatry is not a legitimate field of medicine and cannot be reformed. It needs to be abolished. To not message this would be to condone a form of structural violence that not only has disabled and killed millions of people, it also maintains and even furthers the systemic social and economic injustices these individuals represent. I hope one day, those still trapped in Plato’s Cave will be released and the cave will be sealed shut. Edited February 28 by Shep added link to Erell's French translation 49 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus JanCarol Posted May 25, 2020 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 25, 2020 This is beautiful to read. Thank you for the link to the Toolkit, too (I haven't been around enough to see it before). I'm glad you are finding that your "symptoms" can be trusted guides, and are approaching the Journey with curiosity and a sense of adventure. The way the world is now - it's a matter of survival. Bless your Path, and thank you for all of those you have inspired along the way. 1 "Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again. My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices. A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia. CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013. Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine). Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 - Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years on Lithium). Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made. The tedious thread (my intro): JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium The happy thread (my success story): JanCarol - Undiagnosed Off all bipolar drugs My own blog: https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/ I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elyssa143 Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 @Shep Congratulations this is wonderful! Your such a warrior! I do like the way you look at symptoms im going to try that! I tried to find your tool kit but I couldnt i do get confused. Im almost 27 months out. 2 years total on ssri but not consecutive. Already had a protracted benzo withdrawl from 30days use. So of course i didnt think id be here again. Then they poly drugged me in the psych after this last time coming off 25 mg of zoloft after one year and ive been in hell ever since. Things are getting less intense. But still so up and down and never symptom free. I have inner aka, dread/hopelessness i can physically feel both aka and the dread its an awful feeling, intrusive si and thoughts of life not being worth it, and fear of the future. Were you still having a hard time mentally around this time off? If these things went id be alot better. Any suggestions on what they are trying to teach me? The suicidal thoughts and feelings are so traumatizing to me. I appreciate all your hard work and hope your enjoying your healing now. Have a nice day 13 months on 25 mg of sertraline. Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018 Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018 Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash) Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks. 21 months off sertraline 19 months off zyprexa 22 months into withdrawl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vegalia Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 Hi @Shep, Sorry for my english. ^^ I read you and I cry, me who am almost inable to cry, my tears are block inside of me since so longtime. I cry of emotion, with your history and your beautiful words. Allegory of cave is really talking to me. What as success story, what à résilience. What an exemple ! I wonder me how you have made to go to work, amazing ! I Hope other improvement for you. You give me courage to go out of the cave. You are just an exceptional woman. I wish you the best ! With all my respect and my gratitude. ❤️ Vega. 2 2018 : 29 July xanax 0,125x 2 12 Aug 0,25 x 2 28 Aug clotiazépam 5x2 4 Oct Prazepam : 5-5-7,5 to 3,5-3,5-6,5 25 oct 10x3 21 nov 9,5 x3/ Now Taper 2% / 21days = 19 may 2019 7,32x3/ Now 5%/8 days =10 july 5,145 x3 /Now 2% / 21 days = 27 sept 4,75x3/ Now 1%/21 days = nov 4,70 x3 dec 4,65x3 jan 2020 4,60x3 feb 4,50x3 march 4,45x3 april 4,385x3 may 4,32x3 2018 : 29 Aug Venlafaxine 75mg XR 19 sept 37,5mg 4 oct 75mg18 oct bridge sertraline 1 nov Sertraline 50mg slow taper until mi April 2019= 25mg 15 July Escitalopram 5mg 20 Ju 4mg 22 Ju 3,25mg 23 ju 2,5mg 25 ju 2,25mg 8 Aug 2 mg 16 Aug 1,75mg 20 Aug 1,50mg 12 sept 1,25mg 24 sept 1,38mg 28 sept 1,50mg 8 Jan 1, 60mg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus elbee Posted May 25, 2020 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 25, 2020 Beautiful update, @Shep! Yours is a story of courage and hope. Congratulations on reconnecting with yourself to reclaim your true inner compass. Thank you for sharing your gifts with me, and with the world 🙏❤️ 2 My suggestions are not medical advice. They are my opinions based on my own experience, strength and hope. You are in charge of your own medical / healing / recovery choices. My success story | My introduction thread ZOLOFT FREE - COMPLETELY DRUG FREE 4/28/2019! - total time on 28+ years BENZO FREE! 4/7/2018 - total time on 27+ years REMERON FREE! 12/11/2016 - total time on 15 months Caffeine & Nicotine Free 2014 / 2015 - smoked for 28 years Alcohol Free 4/1/2014 - drank for 30 years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wantrelief Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 Thank you for sharing your success story with us, Shep. You have been such an inspiration to me and so many on this site. I am in awe of all you have endured and your perspective of the challenges you have faced. You are an amazingly strong and courageous woman. Thank you for all that you do here and for helping us get out of the cave. 🙏 2 -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper; withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg 2023: 1/9/23: 3.3 mg; 1/16/23: 3.2 mg; 1/23/23: 3.16 mg; 1/30/23: 3.1 mg; 2/13/23: 3.0 mg; 2/20/23: 2.98 mg; 2/27/23: 2.9 mg; 3/6/23: 2.86 mg; 3/20/23: 2.8 mg; 3/27/23: 2.75 mg; 4/3/23: 2.7 mg; 4/10/23: 2.6 mg; 4/24/23: 2.59 mg; 5/1/23: 2.5 mg; 5/8/23: 2.48 mg; 5/16/23: 2.4 mg; 5/30/23: 2.38 mg; 6/6/23: 2.3 mg; 6//13/23: 2.29 mg; 6/20/23: 2.24 mg; 7/4/23: 2.2 mg; 7/12/23: 2.16 mg; 7/19/23: 2.1 mg; 7/26/23: 2.07 mg; 8/9/23: 2.03 mg; 8/16/23: 1.99 mg; 8/23/23: 1.95 mg; 8/30/23: 1.91 mg; 9/13/23: 1.87 mg; 9/20/23: 1.83 mg; 9/27/23: 1.79 mg; 10/4/23: 1.74 mg; 11/7/23: 1.70 mg; 11/14/23: 1.66 mg; 11/22/23: 1.62 mg; 12/1/23: 1.58 mg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Altostrata Posted May 25, 2020 Administrator Share Posted May 25, 2020 Shep, heartfelt congratulations. I am so proud of you! You are the best. 1 This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus Gridley Posted May 25, 2020 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 25, 2020 @Shep A powerful and utterly uplifting account, beautifully written. Thank you for this beacon. You have helped so many, myself included. You are my heroine. 2 Gridley Introduction Lexapro 20 mg since 2004. Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017. End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg Oct. 30, 2020 Jump to zero from 0.025mg. Current dose: 0.000mg 3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete. Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium End 2021 year 1 of taper at 6mg End 2022 year 2 of taper at 2.75mg Current dose as of Nov. 21, 2023 1.12mg Taper is 94% complete. Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986. Jan-Sept 2016 tapered to 14.4mg March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper Taper is 87% complete. Supplements: omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mentor Cocopuffz17 Posted May 25, 2020 Mentor Share Posted May 25, 2020 Amazing to hear! Glad you are doing great! Congrats!!! I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 2008 to 2019 - 20 mg Paroxetine Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful. 2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 2021 - Feb. 12 - 24 months off paroxetine. I have minor challenges now. Tinnitus/Headaches are still around but are reduced by a massive amount. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted May 26, 2020 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 26, 2020 So proud of you, Shep. Nobody deserves this more than you do. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator brassmonkey Posted May 26, 2020 Moderator Share Posted May 26, 2020 I knew there was a lot going on behind you, but I was never able to piece it all together. What an amazing story and you articulated it so well. To say I'm pleased, proud, excited etc. would be an understatement. Nothing beats what you've accomplished. ((((((((((((((((((MONKEY HUGS))))))))))))))))) 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Shep Posted May 26, 2020 Author Administrator Share Posted May 26, 2020 19 hours ago, JanCarol said: Bless your Path, and thank you for all of those you have inspired along the way. Thank you, JC. YOU inspired ME along my path. Thank you for all the wonderful videos you posted in my benzo thread to gave me strength along the way. The Urban Shamanism guides were a lifeline. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Shep Posted May 26, 2020 Author Administrator Share Posted May 26, 2020 19 hours ago, Elyssa143 said: ! I do like the way you look at symptoms im going to try that! I tried to find your tool kit but I couldnt i do get confused. Good for you, Elyssa! Yes, our symptoms are here to guide us, no matter how difficult they are. It's much easier to accept and embrace then to fight against them. Just a tip - in order to find the tool kit, you must be logged into the forum because they are on my benzo thread (which is members' only). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Shep Posted May 26, 2020 Author Administrator Share Posted May 26, 2020 19 hours ago, Vegalia said: I Hope other improvement for you. You give me courage to go out of the cave. Thank you, Vegalia. Yes, you'll make it out of the cave, too. Don't give up. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Shep Posted May 26, 2020 Author Administrator Share Posted May 26, 2020 18 hours ago, elbee said: Beautiful update, @Shep! Yours is a story of courage and hope. Congratulations on reconnecting with yourself to reclaim your true inner compass. Thank you for sharing your gifts with me, and with the world 🙏❤️ Thank you, elbee. I like the phrase "true inner compass." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Shep Posted May 26, 2020 Author Administrator Share Posted May 26, 2020 17 hours ago, wantrelief said: Thank you for sharing your success story with us, Shep. You have been such an inspiration to me and so many on this site. I am in awe of all you have endured and your perspective of the challenges you have faced. You are an amazingly strong and courageous woman. Thank you for all that you do here and for helping us get out of the cave. 🙏 Thank you, wantreflief. You'll make it out, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Shep Posted May 26, 2020 Author Administrator Share Posted May 26, 2020 16 hours ago, Altostrata said: Shep, heartfelt congratulations. I am so proud of you! You are the best. Thank you, Alto. I learned from the best! Thank you for keeping this beautiful site going all these years. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Shep Posted May 26, 2020 Author Administrator Share Posted May 26, 2020 14 hours ago, Gridley said: @Shep A powerful and utterly uplifting account, beautifully written. Thank you for this beacon. You have helped so many, myself included. You are my heroine. Thank you, Gridley. It's good to go through this journey with others who've been there. I'm glad you also find it helpful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Shep Posted May 26, 2020 Author Administrator Share Posted May 26, 2020 12 hours ago, Cocopuffz17 said: Amazing to hear! Glad you are doing great! Congrats!!! Thank you, Cocopuffz! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Shep Posted May 26, 2020 Author Administrator Share Posted May 26, 2020 10 hours ago, apace41 said: So proud of you, Shep. Nobody deserves this more than you do. Best, Andy Thanks, Andy. And thanks for all the DP/DR resources you gave me along the way. Very helpful and very much appreciated. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Shep Posted May 26, 2020 Author Administrator Share Posted May 26, 2020 6 hours ago, brassmonkey said: I knew there was a lot going on behind you, but I was never able to piece it all together. What an amazing story and you articulated it so well. To say I'm pleased, proud, excited etc. would be an understatement. Nothing beats what you've accomplished. ((((((((((((((((((MONKEY HUGS))))))))))))))))) I think it's an important to get that deeper story out there. It goes against the narrative that "some" people need psychiatry. Thanks for the Monkey Hugs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Frogie Posted May 26, 2020 Moderator Share Posted May 26, 2020 Wow Shep! I knew you went through a lot, but couldn’t imagine all of this. What an amazing story. I have read it a few times. You truly are a miracle, how you came out of all of this this, healing. You bring us all hope that we will come out if this a better person. Thank you for sharing your amazing story. So we’ll written. And thank you over and over for all your help. Take care, Frogie xx 1 PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist. Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form) ---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil. Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper. 19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020) I am not a medical professional. The suggestions I make are based on personal experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xyz Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 Shep, i am so happy for you! i so need it right now. i hope that i can get out of the cave too. thank you for everything you do. you are the best. how long did it take for most of your symptoms to subside? and how long were you on benzo? i feel that it is the worse drug out there. xoxoxo june 2014 to feb 2015- on xanax 0.25 to 1mg/day- then CT - jan 2016 - panic attack, went on 3.75mg remeron to sleep march 2016- CT remeron (because it caused me tinnitus)- deep depression, couldn't sleep because of intrusive Tinnitus april to june 2016- valium 4mg, xanax as needed, lunesta 3mg june 2016 - valium 4mg, lexapro 10mg oct 2016- valium 2mg, lexapro 10mg- hold march 2017- started daily micro liquid taper of valium and lex- -taper speed 0.0033mg valium daily and 0.033mg lex daily may 2018- valium 1mg, lexapro 2.4mg - i had to slow down the rate of my daily micro taper considerably LAST dose of Lexapro: 0.05mg on 05/17/19 LAST dose of valium: 0.04mg on 08/18/19 April 26th 2020- intense panic attack that lasted 4 days, akatisia, 0 sleep- suicidal, almost hospitalized- took rescue doses over 2 days- total: 1.5mg xanax, 18mg valium, 2x5mg lexapro Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator KenA Posted May 26, 2020 Administrator Share Posted May 26, 2020 I am soooo glad I found your success story!! DP/DR is one of my strongest symptoms so finding this is a Godsend!! Thank you so much for sharing and inspiring those of us still recovering!! 1 2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage 2011 - CT Quit Tramadol 2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP) September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit Drug Free Since October 5th 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xyz Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 Shep, i read your thread from the beginning. you are so brave! how can i even complain about my setback symptoms? thank you for being here for all of us, again you are the best! shep, is your tinnitus gone? xoxoxo 1 june 2014 to feb 2015- on xanax 0.25 to 1mg/day- then CT - jan 2016 - panic attack, went on 3.75mg remeron to sleep march 2016- CT remeron (because it caused me tinnitus)- deep depression, couldn't sleep because of intrusive Tinnitus april to june 2016- valium 4mg, xanax as needed, lunesta 3mg june 2016 - valium 4mg, lexapro 10mg oct 2016- valium 2mg, lexapro 10mg- hold march 2017- started daily micro liquid taper of valium and lex- -taper speed 0.0033mg valium daily and 0.033mg lex daily may 2018- valium 1mg, lexapro 2.4mg - i had to slow down the rate of my daily micro taper considerably LAST dose of Lexapro: 0.05mg on 05/17/19 LAST dose of valium: 0.04mg on 08/18/19 April 26th 2020- intense panic attack that lasted 4 days, akatisia, 0 sleep- suicidal, almost hospitalized- took rescue doses over 2 days- total: 1.5mg xanax, 18mg valium, 2x5mg lexapro Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Icip Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 Well done Shep, that’s amazing! You slowly ease back into normality, sometimes without realising. When did it hit you that you were feeling good? Early September 2019 - One 25mg dose of Sertraline taken. Early October 2019 - Five 25mg doses (pills) of Sertraline taken for five consecutive days. Withdrawal/reaction happened on the 27th of October (2019) in the evening. Symptoms that have gone: Joint and muscle pain/weakness in my legs, phantom senses, chemical dread, chemical fear, DP/DR has gotten a lot lot better than what it is now, it was one of my worst and all-encompassing symptoms when it started, awful aphasia, parkinsonism, head pressure, pressure in my frontal lobe when trying to think/work out something, inability to plan or execute anything//feelings of being literally scatterbrained, inability to think in my head other than slight acknowledgements - the voice in my head sounded weak and 'small' like it was restrained to a much smaller area of my brain, constant fatigue, emotional numbness, constant eyestrain, and changes in perception of colour/contrast in sight. Main remaining symptoms: Visual Snow/HPPD, derealisation, tinnitus, and brain/cog fog. Drug free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PH1 Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 You are an inspiration, Shep! Thanks for sharing your story and for helping so many folks on the journey. PH1 2010: Escitalopram (Lexapro) 10 mg. Mirtazapine (Remeron) 15 mg. 2011: Tapered Mirtazapine: 5 month successful taper. Then tapered Lexapro: 4 month successful taper May 2011 to August 2017: No medications, full recovery September 6, 2017: started Mirtazapine (Remeron) 15 mg - due to severe sudden insomnia (I believe caused by statin use) November 16, 2017: started Escitalopram (Lexapro) 10 mg January 1, 2018 to October 30. 2020 -- 34 month taper off of Mirtazapine 15 mg to 0.00 mg June 16, 2018: Started slow taper of 10 mg Escitalopram (Lexapro) Current (mgai): 0.23 mg Escitalopram Supplements: Fish Oil, Curcumin, bio active B vitamins, zinc, magnesium glycinate, Vitamin D, Vitamin C, saffron, citrus bergamot, ashwagandha "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mentor FarmGirlWorks Posted May 27, 2020 Mentor Share Posted May 27, 2020 On 5/25/2020 at 7:48 AM, Shep said: The un-patienting process: During recovery, I began reading a lot of anti-psychiatry literature. Dr. Phil Hickey’s article sums it up well - In Defense of Anti-Psychiatry. Anti-psychiatry gave me the language to understand and name the world around me. Dr. Thomas Szasz is a major influence in my understanding of this world. He understood the power structure of psychiatry better than anyone I've read so far. Dr. Bruce Cohen's Psychiatric Hegemony: A Marxist Theory of Mental Illness helped me understand psychiatry's political structure. Psychiatry is about power and politics, not medicine. Thank you: this is gold. Deepest of admiration for your grit and intelligence. Congratulations. 1 Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017 Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017 Quit alcohol May 20, 2017 Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga "If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mentor FindRest Posted May 27, 2020 Mentor Share Posted May 27, 2020 Shep, I want to echo what everyone else is saying. You are such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story and for all the help you selflessly give to so many. ❤️ 1988-1996 Various AD’s, all classifications. 1996-2019 Effexor XR 37.5mg to 150mg. Jan 2017 onward, 37.5 mg. 2019 Apr 11 - July 24: Trials of Latuda then Rexulti. CT'd off per dr. Jul 24: CT Effexor (per dr) Sep 9-19: Viibryd, CT (per dr). Sep 23-27: Trintellix. CT (per dr). Sep 28 - Oct 24: Prozac 10mg. Oct 24: Stop Prozac, began Pristiq 25mg->50->25mg. 2020 Feb 1: CT Pristiq. Feb 1: Reinstated Effexor XR (10 large beads) gradually increasing to 22 beads (15L+7M) or 9.072mgai on Mar, 2020. 2021 Started Jan w 21 beads (13L+8M) or 8.47mgai ended Dec: 17 beads (7L+9M+1S) or 6.19mgai. Severe COVID + TIA. 2022 Ended yr w 14 beads (3L+5M+5S+1XS) or 4.5mgai. Major jaw injury during year + family tragedy. 2023 Jan: 13 beads (2L+5M+5S+1XS) or 4.2mgai; Feb: 12 beads (2L+4M+5S+1XS) or 3.9mgai; Mar: 11 beads (2L+4M+4S+1XS) or 3.6mgai, Apr: 10 beads (2L+3M+4S+1XS) or 3.3mgai; Jun: 9 beads (2L+3M+3S+1XS) or 3mgai, Current: July, 2023: Effexor XR - 9 beads (2L+3M+3S+1XS) or 2.7 mgai Other current meds: Ambien 10mg 3.935mg , clonazepam .125mg .107mg, omeprazole, Synthroid, Premarin. Supplements: D3, C, probiotic, K2-MK7, Mg Glycinate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Shep Posted May 27, 2020 Author Administrator Share Posted May 27, 2020 @Frogie @xyz @KenA @Icip @PH1 @FarmGirlWorks @FindRest Thank you for all your kind words and well wishes. Truly appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Shep Posted May 27, 2020 Author Administrator Share Posted May 27, 2020 19 hours ago, xyz said: how long did it take for most of your symptoms to subside? and how long were you on benzo? i feel that it is the worse drug out there. Most of my recovery happened very quickly in the past few weeks. The pandemic hit and everyone went into hiding. So I came out of the cave. I've never been inline with what's going on with everyone else on the planet, LOL. I was on benzos since I was a teenager, so 30 years. They were prescribed for akathisia caused by the so-called "anti-"depressant and problems with the neuroleptic. I don't think there's a better or worse drug out there. It's how and why it's used. If you're led to believe your mind is "diseased" and can be fixed with a drug, the damage is also done by the label and the gaslighting that will cause you to continue to take the drug even when your brain and body are collapsing under the weight. And while these drugs are being used to adjust the individual to toxic life events and circumstances, we're not fixing the social and economic problems that are the root cause. This is where you can see the role of psychiatry as an agent of social control, not medicine. But for very short term use for acute insomnia or to stop a seizure, benzos can be life saving drugs. Drugs are a tool and just like any tool, it depends on what you do with it and why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Shep Posted May 27, 2020 Author Administrator Share Posted May 27, 2020 7 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said: Thank you: this is gold. Deepest of admiration for your grit and intelligence. Congratulations. FarmGirlWorks, you picked out my favorite part of the story - the links in the "the un-patienting process" section. Due to Mad in America being a reformist site and not an abolitionist site, a lot of the articles there are limited, but if you're interested in a really good abolitionist writer, Dr. Phil Hickey has a number of articles that are really great. Mad in America - Dr. Phil Hickey articles The psychiatric abolitionists give me a great deal of hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xyz Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 44 minutes ago, Shep said: Most of my recovery happened very quickly in the past few weeks. The pandemic hit and everyone went into hiding. So I came out of the cave. I've never been inline with what's going on with everyone else on the planet, LOL. so is it only recently that you felt fully recovered? how does it feel like? did all the symptoms suddenly dropped? june 2014 to feb 2015- on xanax 0.25 to 1mg/day- then CT - jan 2016 - panic attack, went on 3.75mg remeron to sleep march 2016- CT remeron (because it caused me tinnitus)- deep depression, couldn't sleep because of intrusive Tinnitus april to june 2016- valium 4mg, xanax as needed, lunesta 3mg june 2016 - valium 4mg, lexapro 10mg oct 2016- valium 2mg, lexapro 10mg- hold march 2017- started daily micro liquid taper of valium and lex- -taper speed 0.0033mg valium daily and 0.033mg lex daily may 2018- valium 1mg, lexapro 2.4mg - i had to slow down the rate of my daily micro taper considerably LAST dose of Lexapro: 0.05mg on 05/17/19 LAST dose of valium: 0.04mg on 08/18/19 April 26th 2020- intense panic attack that lasted 4 days, akatisia, 0 sleep- suicidal, almost hospitalized- took rescue doses over 2 days- total: 1.5mg xanax, 18mg valium, 2x5mg lexapro Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marie123 Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 This is so wonderful for you. You made it out of the cave and are doing so well. This is just what I needed today, very moving. Marie. 1 10/13--10/14 Ambien. Started tapering 1/14 Jumped 10/14. Done. 3/14 7.5 Remeron still taking this. 2/14 75 Trazodone - Tapered by dry cutting all the way down. 1/16 4 mg Trazodone - Jumped. Bad mistake. Got hit with late withdrawal 6 weeks later. Reinstated. 4/16 Reinstated 1 mg, updose to 2 mg Trazodone 2/19 .04 Trazodone. Walked off. Done. 10/3/19 Started 7.5 Mirtazapine taper cut to .073 gram weight, pill weighs .076 4/5/20 New Mirtazapine Taper - Compound Liquid 7.35 mg April '20, 7.25 mg May, 7.05 mg June, 6.99 mg June, 6.78 mg July, 6.57 mg Aug, Sept 6.35 mg, Sept 6.24 mg, Sept 6.21 mg, Oct 5.99 mg, Oct 5.90 mg, Oct 5.70 mg. 1/11/21 6.05 mg Messed up taper due to syringe change. Must remember the 1 ml syringe contains 1.5mg! 1/16/21 5.99 mg 2/21 5.75 mg, 3/21 5.6 mg, 4/7 5.45, 4/14 5.30, 5/12 5.15, 5/25/21 4.99 mg, 6/29 4.87 mg, 7/14/21 4.74 mg, 8/5 4.62 mg 8/17 4.5 mg, 8/30 4.38 mg,9/16 4.26 mg,10/9 4.14 mg, 10/23 4.05 mg, 11/6 3.96 mg,11/17 3.87mg.***Jan 22 Liquid was changed/couldn't tolerate***Changed back to pills. Feb 22/3.9 mg, 2/17/22 3.8 mg, 3/23 3.7 mg, 4/7 3.6 mg, 5/10 3.5mg,6/10/22 3.4 mg, 7/4 3.3 mg, 7/25 3.2 mg, 8/20/22 3.1 mg, 9/15 3 mg, 10/8/22 2.9 mg., 12/15 2.8 mg, 1/6/23 2.7 mg, 2/16/23 2.6 mg, 3/9 2.5 mg, 4/4 2.4 mg, 4/29/23 2.3 mg, 5/26 2.2 mg, 6/22/23 2.1 mg, 10/14 2 mg, 11/12 1.9 mg, 11/28 1.8 mg Taking multi vitamin and psyllium husk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timberline Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 wow @Shep....you're my hero. what an inspiring journey. 1 Current Slow Taper from 10mg Lexapro June 2, 2020 - 9mg, June 15, 2020 - 8.6mg, June 29, 2020 - 8.1mg, July 27, 2020 - 7.7mg, August 3, 2020 - 7.0mg, August 25, 2020 - 6.0mg, October 1, 2020 - 5.4mg, October 26, 2020 - 4.9mg, November 8, 2020 -4.6mg, November 29, 2020 - 4.2mg, December 14, 2020 - 4.0mg, December 28, 2020 - 3.6mg, February 10, 2021 - 3.4mg, February 24, 2021 - 3.2mg, March 12, 2021 - 3.1mg, March 29, 2021 - 2.8mg (ran into a 2 week wave here of intense morning anxiety, sleep issues, nausea and intrusive thoughts), April 11, 2021 - Went back up to 3.1mg, May 3, 2021 - 2.8mg, May 19, 2021 - 2.6mg, May 31, 2021 - 2.5mg, June 15, 2021 - 2.3mg, July 7, 2021 - 1.9mg, August 9, 2021 - 1.6mg, August 28, 2021 - 1.3mg, September 19, 2021 - 1mg (insomnia began here but not consistent), October 12, 2021 - .8mg, November 23, 2021 - .7mg, December 11, 2021 - .6mg, December 26, 2021 - .5mg, January 21, 2022 - .4mg, February 10, 2022 - .3mg, February 22, 2022 - .2mg (ran into sleep issues so holding at .2mg for now) April 25, 2022 back up to .5mg due to sleep issues and anxiety, June 1, 2022 stabilized and holding at .5mg, August 31, 2022 switched the liquid lexapro at .5mg, September 20, 2022 .45mg, November 15, 2022 - .4mg, December 29, 2022 - .35mg, January 27, 2022 - .325mg Supplements: Magnesium 1000mg throughout the day, Vitamin D 2000mg, Zinc 30mg, Potassium 200mg, Vitamin C 1000mg, Hawthorn, Milky Oats, Rose and Reishi tincture 3x day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Shep Posted May 29, 2020 Author Administrator Share Posted May 29, 2020 On 5/27/2020 at 7:53 AM, xyz said: so is it only recently that you felt fully recovered? how does it feel like? did all the symptoms suddenly dropped? Yes, my recovery accelerated toward the end and although I still have some mild to moderate symptoms during waves, they are also resolving. I'm going into the "rearview mirror" stage of recovery where the worst is behind me. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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