00ColdTurkey: sertraline messed my head up?

[00ColdTurkey]

I'm really unwell and frightened. Please be patient with me, I'll explain my dilemma here. I'm just terrified and desperate...

Be warned, I'm also autistic. This might effect how I express myself. 

 

TL;DR - 

1. Can Sertraline side effects stay permanently if I went cold turkey before getting past them? 

2. Can taking another antidepressant get rid of these withdrawal symptoms?

3. So far 5 months of emotional flatness, consistent dissociation and disturbed sleep (insomnia).

 

It's been a long 5 months since quitting Sertraline back in March. I have gone through a cluster of withdrawal symptoms ranging from uncomfortable to disabling. And after waiting this many months, I'm now caught between my options. 

 

Either 1. waiting it out, or 2. taking another antidepressant, or even 3. (which is a risk) reinstate with a smaller dose of Sertraline. 

 

Now in an ideal world I should be able to speak to a psychiatrist and seek their help, instead of being stuck here trying to figure things out on my own. 

 

A few weeks ago I found old notes of mine from 2016 regarding similar issues I'm having today, inability to feel tiredness, inability to sleep, anhedonia, detachment from myself and surroundings. This was after a negative reaction to Riseridone, a drug I tried using in 2016 to help my symptoms (anxiety, depression). 

 

It was a drug that I couldn't stick with as it tightened my throat and made things hurt. At the time I didn't have access to a psychiatrist who would help me taper off the medication, instead I resorted to calling NHS 111 on April 10th 2016. 

I was told it would be safe to go off cold-turkey.

 

Afterwards got thrown into heavy insomnia and my emotions flattened. 

Yet here is the catch. Around the same time I was prescribed Sertraline, and this means I'm now trying to figure out whether those symptoms were caused by stopping Riseridone or starting Sertraline. 

 

I'm hoping next week to retrieve my notes and see what date my prescription was given, as if the Sertraline didn't cause those issues I'm wondering if restarting that medication in March and stopping brought back my Riseridone withdrawal symptoms.

 

And this isn't all. I'm also trying to establish whether I was on a too high of a dose, because when I was first prescribed Sertraline I was given 25mg to begin with for 4 weeks before increasing up to 50mg. This time I started immediately on 50mg after being told by someone that "25mg is a child's dose". 

 

I shouldn't have taken Sertraline in March... but then again I shouldn't have taken 50mg and instead taken the lowest possible dose. 

 

I'm even trying to make a comparison between an experience I had when starting on 100mg Sertraline back in late 2016. Jumped from 50mg to 100mg and immediately felt awful and detached. 

Put myself back down to 50mg and those symptoms cleared up.

Same symptoms I had when restarting on 50mg this year... so now I wonder if there's any possible way to break through this. 

 

So far it's been 5 months of nonstop Hell and this needs to be stopped somehow. 

First I'll find out when I was prescribed Sertraline. If those are Riseridone withdrawal symptoms (insomnia, dissociation) then I might try 25mg and go upwards. (This is because I'm out of options, I'd rather go back onto an antidepressant to stop these symptoms and then taper off properly). 

 

I heard insomnia from SSRI can eventually fade out. The last time I had the insomnia and anhedonia I was taking Sertraline and eventually everything returned. 

 

I'm going to be taking a risk. I don't want to make things worse or prolong the withdrawal syndrome (since I've already overcome the worst of my mania). 

 

I don't want to take anything if things are slowly improving (if I could be SSRI free until March next year and have regained most of my brain, that would be a relief -- not because antidepressants don't work, but because I wouldn't need to use any to alleviate these issues). 

 

And I don't want to take Sertraline if a drug like Fluxoetine can get rid of these problems (if Fluxoetine or any other medication can get rid of these issues, I'd stay with it for a while, so long as the pros outweigh the cons.)

 

I just want my head back...

 

And just as a note. When I ingested 50mg in March, I wasn't expecting those symptoms. I wasn't expecting to feel instantly messed up. This is what scared me. I noticed the insomnia and detachment creep in shortly after and hoping that going cold turkey would prevent this from being an issue. I thought, "the sooner the better". Not realising that withdrawal symptoms can go dormant for a while, when it comes to Sertraline you can stop and feel fine for a while. Between 2019 (September) - 2020 (March) I was absolutely fine. 

Perhaps it reinstated the Sertraline withdrawal? Maybe my body went into shock from not taking it for so long. Who knows.

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, 00ColdTurkey.

 

So we may better help you, please complete a drug signatures using the following link.  We need to know the dates and dosages you were on the Sertraline, when you stopped and when you restarted.  A list format is best.  I've gone through your post and compiled as much information as I could.  Please fills in any blanks and correct any errors.  Then you can pick up the information and put it in your signature using the link that follows.

 

Risperidone  ? mg, month?, 2016, cold turkey April, 2016

Zoloft, April, 2016, 25mg, iincreased to 50mg in May, increased to 100mg in late 2016, decreased to 50mg

Zoloft ? at some point (September 2019 - March 2020?) you went off the Zoloft.  Dates you were off the drug?  Cold turkey or taper? 

Zoloft, March, 2020, reinstated 50mg Zoloft, cold turkeyed after ? days

 

Please fill in the gaps and put the information in your signature using the link below.  ?Don't forget to press  "save."

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

Why did you reinstate the Zoloft in March?

 

It's impossible to untangle what's causing what because of so many changes.  Some of your symptoms may be protracted withdrawal from your cold turkey of Risperidone.  However, what seems most likely to me is that, rather than withdrawal or delayed withdrawal,  you are having a reaction to reinstating too large a dose of Zoloft.  During the time you were off the drug, your system became accustomed to functioning without the drug.  You brain in March is not the same brain you had when you were on 50mg previously due to intervening changes.  As we say here, you never step into the same river twice.  Then when you hit it with a large dose, it was too much for your brain and caused you to become destabilized. You describe it well when you say "maybe my body went into shock from not taking it for so long.".

 

To answer your questions:

 

1. If by "side effects" you mean withdrawal, no, the symptoms are not permanent.  You will heal, but we can't predict how long it will take.

2. We don't recommend starting a different drug to deal with problems from a previous drug. If you decide on that course of action, that would have to be between you and your doctor.

3. The symptoms you describe are typical of a central nervous system destabilized by psychiatric drugs

 

At this point, as I see it, you have two choices.

1. Continue without the drug and wait for your system to stabilize.  As I said, we can't predict how long it will take.  

2. Reinstate a small dose of Zoloft.  Reinstatement works most predictably within 3 months of your last dose, so you're a bit outside that limit.  It might work and it might not.  The 25mg you mentioned is too much and could overwhelm you system, as happened last March.  If you want to reinstate, I'd suggest 5mg Zoloft--no more.  The following link gives you information on how to get the 5mg dose you'd need for your reinstatement.

 

Tips for tapering off sertraline (Zoloft)

 

Please read:

 About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms. -- at least the first page of the topic

 

It takes about 4 days for a dose change to get to get to full state in the blood and a bit longer for it to register in the brain.  If you feel worse after reinstating, stop immediately.  

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions, complete your drug signature and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[00ColdTurkey]

Thank you for replying to my post, I'm really grateful and appreciate it. Thank you for taking time out of your day as well to gather up information about my drug history, I should've filled in the blanks myself before posting this here and will be getting round to doing this after replying here. 

 

If I never posted here in the first place, I would've continued to think that 25mg was a small dose. Because this is what the psychiatrists I have met in the past had conditioned me to think, that doses such as 50mg or 25mg are "very insignificant". 

 

I'm relieved to hear that this could possibly by my central nervous system gone into shock, as for these last 5 months have been bringing down my life. I have reached points where there are plans set out for if things never improved. Which is alarming, as I don't want to end this. I want things to recover... I've been doing my best to distract my mind from these thoughts. 

 

By side effects, I meant if what I experienced were side effects from reinstating Sertraline. I've heard side effects take a while to fade out. I stopped after 3 days instead of waiting another 2 weeks. That if stopping after 3 days the side effects become permanent until I put myself back on Sertraline. (I'm hoping this makes sense, my head is very blank) 

 

As when last time when I was on Sertraline it took a while for the insomnia to wear off and the emotions to return. If Sertraline was the culprit. I'll be back here tomorrow with additional information as I've got a GP appointment where I'm hoping to recover the information from 2016. 

 

Is it okay to ask one question? You say it's not recommended to use another drug to counteract affects caused by a separate drug. If Riseridone was the culprit of my emotional numbness and insomnia, and Sertraline relieved it -- what's the difference between Fluxoetine relieving symptoms of Sertraline? I'm just curious as to what you may think. I understand you're not a mental health professional and it's best to speak to a doctor over this. 

(Just trying to gather up as much info as possible before making a decision). 

 

My main fears are:

 

1. Worrying about what effect Sertraline will have on my prolactin, as I could potentially have a pituarity gland tumour. My screening is on the 5th September. Levels are 1350ng. 

 

2. Fearing seizures or more permanent anhedonia is things don't clear up this time. ("seizures" related to the head twitches and shakes I've had since stopping - not wanting these to progress to a seizure). 

 

3. Fearing going through mania again. I'm not sure if I undiagnosed bipolar. Whenever I've missed a tablet in the past it resulted in mania, elevated stress and thoughts of power (ability to do everything at once). I have read somewhere that if a person experience mania on a medication, it could be linked to undiagnosed bipolar. 

Spent 3 months having manic episodes (heart racing, thoughts rushing, shakes, intrusive thoughts, elevated stress, agitation) since stopping Sertraline, which had only begun to reduce. 

 

This is why I'm considering Fluxoetine. As you've said though, it's best to try and find someone to speak to about this. 

 

I apologise for rambling on a lot here.. it's a double edged sword.. there really is a lot for me to decide on and it's tough.

 

As for why I've reinstated. I'm fearful of not being believed... in short I was pressured. I never wanted to reinstate but I had nothing else.. other people's wishes against mine. 

[00ColdTurkey]

I apologise about this. Is it also okay to ask what symptoms pinpoint to the nervous system being distabilised? Anhedonia, insomnia? 

 

Just want to say again thank you so very much for taking the time to respond to this, please don't feel you need to respond straight away. It's a long block of text and people would need to have a cup of coffee and a sit down before reading this all 

[Gridley]

5 hours ago, 00ColdTurkey said:

That if stopping after 3 days the side effects become permanent until I put myself back on Sertraline.

It doesn't work that way.  What happened, I believe, is that the large reinstatement of Sertraline was too much for your system and it became destabilized.  This destabilization is not permanent but it will take a while for your brain and central nervous system to recover.  What you need now is stability, meaning no more changes or drugs, which will allow your brain the time to heal itself without having to deal with the effects of more drugs, effects that nobody, including doctors, can predict.

 

5 hours ago, 00ColdTurkey said:

You say it's not recommended to use another drug to counteract affects caused by a separate drug. If Riseridone was the culprit of my emotional numbness and insomnia, and Sertraline relieved it -- what's the difference between Fluxoetine relieving symptoms of Sertraline?

As I said a moment ago, no one can predict what effect a new drug is going to have.   What you're describing is what we call the drug merry-go-round, taking more drugs to try to deal with another drug, then if that doesn't work, another drug, then another drug.  Another way to describe it is drug Russian roulette.  That's the doctors' approach.  It not what we recommend.

 

5 hours ago, 00ColdTurkey said:

My main fears are:

1.   You are overthinking, which is typical in withdrawal and destabilization.  It's best not to indulge in fears, which puts a big stress on your system.  

2.  If the anhedonia and head twitches are a result of the shock to your system from reinstating too much sertraline, these symptoms are not permanent.

3.  Regarding undiagnosed bipolar, we don't put a lot of stock in psychiatric diagnoses.  They are often arbitrary and vary from doctor to doctor.

5 hours ago, 00ColdTurkey said:

what symptoms pinpoint to the nervous system being distabilised? Anhedonia, insomnia? 

 

Anhedonia and insomnia, among many other symptoms, point to the system being destabilized.  This checklist, by no means complete, lists some of the symptoms of withdrawal, as from the Zopiclone, and would also be applicable to your situation with the Sertraline.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

 

[00ColdTurkey]

Update:

 

I've given it some thought and I'm thinking about reinstating Sertraline. It's going to be a challenge though, as the mental health clinician I met doesn't believe 25mg is a high dose and only very tiny. 

 

I might have to get myself a 25mg pill and file it down myself... 

 

I've got 50/50 chance this is going to work, as I remember when I was emotionally numb and dissociated in 2016 after stopping Riseridone and starting on Sertraline, somehow my emotions and reality gradually returned. 

 

I'm terrified of things going wrong as I've only just gotten through the worst of my symptoms (in March - July had manic episodes, fast heart rate and intrusive thoughts). Yet if there's a chance the symptoms are linked to Sertraline, I'll have to gamble 

 

What I'm experiencing now is EXACTLY what happened when I accidentally missed a dose of my prescription while waiting for the pharmacy to restock. I'd continue to feel disconnected and emotionally numb until I took another tablet. 

 

This is going to happen next week after I get my MRI results back. 

[00ColdTurkey]

If anything dares go wrong during this, here's my story. I am hoping this thread is an okay place to post this, as it's my introduction. 

 

I had untreated, undiagnosed Complex PTSD as a result of severe neglect by the school. I was bullied severely with no mercy. The teachers swept this under a rug. This was the main CAUSE of my "depression", but was never picked up on or assessed by CAMHS. I was never given a choice. My parents were forced to administer my medication, it was the psychiatrist's word against there's. I wasn't given a choice between therapy or medication, instead persuaded that I was "sick" and could only be treated with medication.

 

If only I was given trauma therapy back then. I wouldn't have needed medication. I was put on a cocktail of drugs. Nobody seemed to understand my autism, the trauma or my needs. My parents fought for me, they were the only ones who did. 

 

I have selective mutism that was also undiagnosed and untreated by CAMHS. I've had to fork out to go private. This isn't easy in a country without medical insurance. All payments are done up front, no direct debit. You MUST have the money available. Over £300+ each. 

 

In 2015 I was placed into a mental ward for 6 weeks under a false diagnosis of psychosis and anorexia. I was never anorexia or had psychosis. During my time in the mental ward I was never put on any medication, I asked the psychiatrist there "why?" 

She told me that I didn't need medication. 

 

After being shut in a mental ward for 6 weeks, sat on a table full of people with REAL eating disorders and made to follow a strict meal plan while being placed under surveillance. CAMHS did a follow up assessment and ruled out the psychosis. Anorexia only got ruled out once I was out of CAMHS' care. It was a mixture of my autism (sensory issues) and high metabolism that convinced that I was starving myself. 

 

This is only half of my story. 

[00ColdTurkey]

Hello, 

 

I'm praying this makes sense, as I'm autistic and struggle to explain things sometimes. 

 

Since October 2020 to April 2021, I was taking 25mg of Sertraline daily. Then I increased to 50mg. I continued with 50mg, until I ran out of meds. 

 

It took several days to get a new prescription. When I got a new prescription, it was a different brand.

 

I was scared to take 50mg on a new brand. So took 25mg. I had taken 25mg for 1 week. Stopped for a week as I visited my mum far away from town (forgot my meds). 

 

Resumed 25mg. And now I'm feeling dizzy and tired and it feels so rough... 

 

Does this look like a sign I need to increase to 50mg? Should I up the dose slowly or do a quick jump to 50mg? 

 

I'm really out of it and scared. Just note. The 1 week off was not planned. I want to taper off this med, especially as I have now brought precision scales.

 

Please help. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[getofflex]

Previous post moved to your intro topic to keep your history all in one place.  Please post questions and discussion about your situation in this one thread, to avoid confusion and duplication of efforts.  Thank you.  

[00ColdTurkey]

An awry update:

 

When I first made this post, I went off Sertraline cold turkey without tapering. I was on a brand which was potentially causing me more harm, as in the beginning of 2021 I was given a completely different brand of Sertraline. It helped with a lot of stuff. Made me less numb, despite still being extremely numb nowadays and lacking a lot, it was just less intense. I still can't feel love, happiness, and my personality isn't back either. 

 

However last year to now, I've been tapering off. I don't know if the way I did it was recommended, but since stopping I don't have the heart palpitations and the insanity as I did when I went cold turkey. 

 

I don't feel deeply wrecked as I was the first time round. I don't have insomnia and can sleep this time round, whereas during cold turkey I couldn't sleep at all. 

 

My only problem is the numbness and impatience. I keep on wondering if there's a chance my brain can repair any damaged dopamine receptors. If my brain can undo the numbness and restore me back to how I once were, sometimes depressed but still had a soul. I'm hoping this year bares me relief... 

[00ColdTurkey]

Additional comments:

 

Weird thing I have noticed, is when I began to taper off the med. During my first drop in dose, I spent 5 days with the ability to feel some love and happiness, before it subsided. 

 

When I stopped taking the med, I had the same phenomenon momentarily happened, then faced something which trigged my anxiety, that resulted in the phenomenon stopping and entering a wave (?)

 

I was highly anxious. Slightly delusional and very paranoid in public places (agoraphobia). I couldn't break out of the mindset. Only recently this subsided, I'm back to feel numb but not distressed. 

 

I do not understand why I could feel for those 5 days before it cut off. Something chemical maybe? 

 

[00ColdTurkey]

It's now April so time for a monthly update (going to do this on the 1st of each month, that's now my schedule yay). 

 

Last week I had a strange phenomenon where I felt more aware of the world around me. No longer was a metaphorical room just four empty walls and nothing inside, but I'm aware of the contents in that room. However once thing I've noticed is that it's making me pay attention to my condition. 

 

I find myself wanting to cry, because I'm aware that I am anhedonic and have been for 2 years now. I want to scream and cry and mourn the loss of myself. Everything isn't the same and now I'm aware of it. 

 

The only plus is that I'm noticing waves and windows and patterns to look out for, triggers to stay far back from. 

 

I keep fretting that I won't regain my emotions. Yet I've still got a whole year to wait and see... 

[00ColdTurkey]

It's an early update, but for the last 3 weeks I've been in a strange place emotionally/mentally. It's like the part of my brain who can say, "this upsets me? Lol. I'll forget about it by watching something on TV!" or thinking positively or insert any other coping mechanism here. 

 

Now it's just, I'm trapped in the middle of an anxiety tornado. I can't escape it easily, because then I get hit with even more anxiety, and because of how strong it is it's hard to ignore the harsh winds battering me. 

 

I've had a lot of delusional thoughts. It's only now that I'm slowly starting to notice gaps where I can actually free myself. But it's so disorientating! Even now, I'm still on edge wondering if it would hit me out of nowhere again. I'm too scared to get out of bed because the distress battling my own thoughts has caused. 

 

It hasn't helped the way I interact with my partner either. Typically, if someone said something kind about me, no matter how depressed or hateful of myself I am, it would be another to light a little flame in my heart. One kind thought would be more than enough. 

 

But this time I can hear what he's saying and try to embrace it, but the delusions and obsessive thoughts cloud my head stopping me from taking anything in. Same with when I'm around my family (siblings, parents, beloved dogs). It's disturbing. 

 

I keep on having to remind myself its withdrawal. I'm a broken record.

[00ColdTurkey]

I am recovering from anhedonia though! 

[00ColdTurkey]

Feeling suicidal. 

I can't tell what is my thoughts, what isn't. 

It's so hard to tell why I'm like this. 

Personality feels like it keeps changing. 

I'm scared. 

I'm scared to be happy for some reason. 

There's a block in my brain. 

It's blocking me off from myself. 

[Ariel]

Hi there @00ColdTurkey

Sorry you're struggling. 

 

19 minutes ago, 00ColdTurkey said:

I can't tell what is my thoughts, what isn't. 

 

When in doubt, it's just your thoughts! Messy, chaotic, negative thoughts caused by withdrawal. Thoughts' job is to convince you that they're right. Don't believe the hype! 

 

21 minutes ago, 00ColdTurkey said:

It's so hard to tell why I'm like this. 

 

Because your body, brain, nervous system are in withdrawal from chemical dependence caused by psychiatric medication, i.e. psychoactive drug use. That's all. It's not your fault. 

 

23 minutes ago, 00ColdTurkey said:

There's a block in my brain. 

It's blocking me off from myself. 

 

Yup, pretty much. I hope that conceptualizing it this way can help you be gentle with yourself. Don't beat yourself up about whatever it is you're thinking or feeling or having difficulty with. Try not to identify with your symptoms. This too shall pass and one day you will feel better. Gradually you will feel more and more like yourself. 

 

I know it can be so painful sometimes. Withdrawal is the worst. Keep practicing those non-drug coping techniques that work for you. Keep reading the SA help topics, revisiting the skills and strategies that can support us in symptom management. For example Acknowledge Accept Float; Change the Channel; and Dealing with Emotional Spirals. (I posted links for you in the Neuro-Emotions help thread.)

 

All you gotta do is make it through, one moment at a time. I know you can do that, because you are doing it. And you are not alone. We're right here with you, breathing through it, too. 

You are brave and strong and capable. 

A.

 

 

 

[00ColdTurkey]

Venting:

 

I can't tell what is me and what is the withdrawal. Sure, I've got PTSD... but before starting the meds I went through deeper trauma as a child and I didn't end up trapped in a nonstop void where nobody could free me. As a teen I was able to break out of my depression temporarily, but then consciously CHOSE to beat myself down as punishment for existing. 

 

But now my brain isn't consciously choosing this. The option to escape from that pit isn't accessible. Despite the fact I've always had it. 

 

Withdrawal can make you a thousand times more sensitive to trauma right? I'm praying that I'm not more traumatised. I'm hoping desperately that I haven't lost the plot. I don't want to be crazy. 

 

Give me my old conscious choices towards PTSD back. Not this! 

 

Now I'm gonna try forcing myself to not update for a month as I've vented too much lately. I need to give myself a break... ha... 

 

 

[Ariel]

Hi @00ColdTurkey

 

Are you familiar with this excellent help topic authored by Scrountz? It's inspired by techniques used in trauma recovery. 

I find it to be a brilliant resource. Maybe you will, too. 

 

 

Sending you a hug 

 

[Ariel]

Sorry, I don't know if you like hugs. 

Sending you my best wishes for peace and healing <3

[00ColdTurkey]

@Arielsorry for not replying for so long lately my head has been a wreck. Very difficult lately. I appreciate the replies you gave me and the support, sending you peace and healing too! 

 

[00ColdTurkey]

Update for myself and/or whoever reads this. 

 

I am having relationship problems. I noticed this happen when I tried stopping the meds wrongly. That I kept on snapping at others easily. That I was strangely drawn to wanting to be cold towards my partner, not in a way that I wanted to be, but I felt irritable and kept on expressing to him how evil I felt. 

 

Then when I went back on the meds this stopped. However now, I'm 3 months off the meds and the first 2 months felt great. I still feel great sometimes. But at the moment, I am again feeling so cold and distant from my partner, often wanting to ask if we could have space. For his sake as I don't want to be not myself around him because I can't give him the love he deserves.

 

It's scary as I don't think this way or feel this way, not as myself. But whenever I'm around my partner I feel like someone else. Not me. QUICKLY CHANGING PERSONALITY! 

 

It's horrifying. I act timid around him. Cold. I have to bite my tongue always as I don't want to be snappy. 

 

I'm so desperate that this is going to go away. I don't want to be like this forever. It's like I'm losing emotions for him. 

 

My personality keeps changing too. One moment I feel like a child, next back to an adult, and then different personalities? I never had this before! 😰😰

 

I keep having crazy thoughts too, about my past friendships etc. And that I find it weird that when I can't find friends, I can find a relationship. And kept on worrying that what if it's a trick. That what if the friends who were horrible to me in the past, were right. And anyone who loves me, has got the wrong opinion. It's crazy. I keep worrying about this, even when I try not thinking this way. 

 

I am crazy. I didn't expect to be like this. The delusions and everything are wild. I'm even frightened to type on here. 

[00ColdTurkey]

I was beginning to heal, as everyone can read from the above. However this untested edible (it was meant to have hemp oil in it only), has left me with severe insomnia to the point I can't sleep. I'm feeling manic. So much energy. Emotional numbness (I can't feel sadness or fear or happiness). Loss of libido. Depersonalisation, derealisation. It's been 6 days. The most concerning symptom is the insomnia. 

 

It's hard to get a prescription for melatonin in the UK. So that option is gone. I've been in this place before, but it was when I went cold turkey. I massively wrecked my nervous system, and I was 4 months into healing from withdrawal. I probably could've been fine if I didn't touch anything at all. If I waited a year, I could've been healed. 

 

The antidepressant will numb me further, it will make it so I can't recover from anhedonia, because I'll be on the medication. I only started to recover after reinstating it for a year, and then tapering off. But this time? I've been numb for 2 years... another year on meds seems scary. 

 

But I know that the antidepressant would stop the mania, the insomnia, the depersonalisation/derealisation. 

 

I'm so stuck... I don't even know if I should tough it out and wait. Oh gosh. Is the sleep deprivation going to kill me?!

[00ColdTurkey]

I hope someone reads this. I know it's been an hour and that's so early, so I shouldn't expect anyone to respond just like that or be forced to respond. But I still hope 🥲

[Twinmom]

Also wishing you peace and healing. Anywhere nearby you could go for a nature walk? Hope you get some sleep and are feeling better soon.

[00ColdTurkey]

As bad as it is, I'm just hoping someone has any advice 😥 I really don't know how long to wait until I understand that I'm truthfully screwed. I can't believe I've wrecked myself.

 

I've tried doing some walking. It does help a little having the distraction. 

[ChessieCat]

On 6/9/2022 at 4:54 AM, 00ColdTurkey said:

However this untested edible (it was meant to have hemp oil in it only)

 

Q:  What did you take, when did you take it, what did it contain, was it something that you bought "off the street"?

[ChessieCat]

On 6/9/2022 at 4:54 AM, 00ColdTurkey said:

However this untested edible (it was meant to have hemp oil in it only)

 

cannabis-marijuana-hashish-thc-cbd-cannabidiol-or-hemp-oil

 

[00ColdTurkey]

4 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Q:  What did you take, when did you take it, what did it contain, was it something that you bought "off the street"?

https://www.google.com/amp/s/flawlesscbd.co.uk/a/s/products/space-cake-cbd-20mg-150g

 

I took this on Friday night. It came from a corner shop that typically sells food and alcohol.

[ChessieCat]

And how many did you eat?

[00ColdTurkey]

2 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

And how many did you eat?

Just the one. 

[ChessieCat]

Well it's good that you didn't eat the whole lot!

 

When trying anything new it is better to start with a small amount to see how you react.

 

But the more you worry about it the more you will stress your nervous system and slow your recovery.  When you feel awful remind yourself that you know what caused it and that it will take time for things to get better.

[00ColdTurkey]

11 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

Well it's good that you didn't eat the whole lot!

 

When trying anything new it is better to start with a small amount to see how you react.

 

But the more you worry about it the more you will stress your nervous system and slow your recovery.  When you feel awful remind yourself that you know what caused it and that it will take time for things to get better.

It is good. I was so close to eating two! 

 

I really wish I could've tried a smaller dose, but at least this has given me better insight into what supplements can do. 

 

Do you know if it's still possible for people to heal and recover without much sleep? 

 

I'll try to keep calm... although I do feel like crying a lot, heh. 

[ChessieCat]

4 minutes ago, 00ColdTurkey said:

I really wish I could've tried a smaller dose

 

You could have tried just a tiny bite.

 

4 minutes ago, 00ColdTurkey said:

Do you know if it's still possible for people to heal and recover without much sleep? 

 

Even if you cannot sleep you can rest your body as best you can:

 

What is the sleep cycle?

 

Tips to help sleep -- so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

Path to Better Sleep FREE online for everyone from the US Veterans Administration

 

Music for self-care: Calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

White noise devices for sleep

 

Melatonin for sleep: Many people find it helpful

 

TV or computer use in evening can disrupt sleep: Bright light signals the brain that it's daytime

[Altostrata]

Did you ingest anything else? Alcohol? What is your sleep schedule?

 

Sleep deprivation will not kill you. Suggest you take up meditation immediately, in the hours you cannot sleep.

[00ColdTurkey]

7 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Did you ingest anything else? Alcohol? What is your sleep schedule?

 

Sleep deprivation will not kill you. Suggest you take up meditation immediately, in the hours you cannot sleep.

I can't feel physical tiredness, so I end up having to close my eyes and lie in bed until I regain awareness. I think my sleep ranges from 1 - 3 hours at a time. Falling asleep is influenced by how anxious I feel, lately it's been hard, so I would find myself falling asleep at 2am or midnight. I guess it's a miracle that I'm even capable of losing consciousness eventually, I know some will lay still for hours on end, without anything. 😰

 

I did drink energy drinks before that night, but they had no effect on me. It could've played a role, but the edible I had changed everything instantaneously. I keep convincing myself that if I didn't try it, I would've been able to sleep and feel my range of emotions today. 

 

Meditation sounds like a good idea, I'll make sure to give it a go. Sometimes I find myself trying to stop thinking and breathe, anything to stop the jitters. 

 

It does upset me how these circumstances lead up to becoming numb and physically unstable again... I made progress and it's gone... I really hope I can recover from this. The gagging while eating food is concerning as well, food has no flavour and I have no sensation of fullness. Really hard to finish a plate or even get myself to eat.

 

Thanks so much for commenting by the way, it's helped me feel a little less alone. ❤️ For some reason I've kept on worrying that there's something wrong with my aura or my phrasing. Lately in my life, I seem to repel others... not through saying anything in particular. But my warming personality that I used to have? It's gone, so I think people sense this. I used to be good at connecting with others. 

 

(Also, I'm sorry for piling so much on in one go. If this is deviating from the topic too much, I am okay if you focus on the answers related to sleep and ingesting anything else. I'm mainly just inwardly fretting over trying to find answers, I don't want to tag any moderators, as I know there is a lot going on, other people being helped, tagging becomes intrusive if it happened 24/7. So my head's thinking, "okay quick, while you're still capable of writing make sure to put alllllllll of this stuff down!!! While you've got a chance!!!")

[Guest]

6 hours ago, 00ColdTurkey said:

Lately in my life, I seem to repel others... not through saying anything in particular. But my warming personality that I used to have? It's gone, so I think people sense this. I used to be good at connecting with others. 

I feel the same. Like the people don’t like me anymore. I can’t get in touch. And I think that the people don’t want to be friends with me because I am mental I’ll