Greatful: Is this withdrawal or too many med changes at once?

[KittenLePurr]

33 minutes ago, Greatful said:

@Mia1  3rd day with the 2% cut.  I am feeling really weird. Paranoia this morning.(that's okay I have been having so paranoia off and on since the beginning of time.    Sound really is irritating, sometimes vibrating  in my ears and head. My brain is swirling, dizzy, confused, feels like my brain is high. One big bobble head. The tingling  and brain squeezing  is very strong.  I tell ya this WD is some crazy  stuff ‼️  

It is blowing my mind the impacted the meds have on your brain.  They must change every tiny bit our brains structure.  Reinforces the anger at the doctors and their stupidity.  If I wrote all the wild thought going through my mind right now you would really think I was higher then a kite.  I told my husband to bad I didn't feel really good with this high.

I had better stop now I don't know if I can think straight

I’m sorry you’re feeling so unwell❤️ Like @Mia1 said you should level out soon…everyone is different of course but my immediate acute w/d post-cut typically only lasts about 4 days…so you’re almost through!
 

I really struggle with anger too. At all of western medicine but especially psychiatry for being ignorant, short-sighted and predicated on theoretical dogma—not scientific fact… Doctors should ask questions and be more concerned about their oath to do no harm and yet they don’t and they’re not right? But on the other hand, most probably are concerned but they’ve been convinced these meds are safe. That’s not to say your anger isn’t justified, just something that helps me release a teeny tiny little bit of the blame. You still should never have been hurt this way and your anger is 100% valid. Have you journaled about it? Journaling out my intense nasty feelings has been so cathartic…eventually they do simmer down but only after I’ve fully felt them, and this is deep so it wont be quick but it will help you process it. Hang in there. You ARE doing great❤️

[Greatful]

@KittenLePurr  How do we get it out there that these drugs are not just a sugar pill. As I read new members coming here in so much  pain and panic, a lot of the doctors have created the problems and then don't know how to fix them.  I read on here were a recently a member is in a huge mess, his mother is a Physic doctor and he trusted SA more then his mother.  If I remember right she didn't know about reinstatement and that he was in wd. 

Look at you, look at me, look at Mia1 and the pages and pages of people from all over the world crying out for help.  Their ignorance is shaming to their profession.

Look at the symptoms  that people are having when the want off  these mind altering drugs and all they want is to have a brain that works drug free.  Look at the people have been damaged from the use of them, diabetes, heart issues, horrible akathisia, I am shocked when you read some of the horrible illness that have happened to some people because  of using these drugs. 

I found this on the web site inner compass.  how drugs testing can get past the FDA and pass.  It sure makes me suspicions and angry. 

https://www.theinnercompass.org/learn-unlearn/intervention/how-psychiatric-drugs-are-researched-and-marketed 

 

Boy am I worked up😖

[Mia1]

@GreatfulI just read the link you sent KLP. It doesn’t surprise me at all, it’s all about making money. And the psychiatrists are taught this stuff in school so for most it’s really the only tool in their toolbox. I’m horrified how much I used to trust doctors, I never researched anything I took as I just believed what I was told. At least there are sites like this and Mad in America and there was another one that I can’t remember the name right now. I think in time the whole process of writing these prescriptions will be different, I don’t think it’s going to be as easy as it is now. 

 

In the meantime at least we can help inform people who find themselves in this situation.  I recently helped my husband’s cousin who was having a really difficult time. He started and stopped about four medications in about a four month period, two of them being benzo’s. His psychiatrist of course had no idea what was happening and kept increasing his drugs (I don’t even like to call them medication anymore because that implies they’re helpful) and the interactions and side effects were so bad he ct’ed everything. I believe he now has akathisia. He’s in a lot of pain. 

 

I’m with you today in terms of symptoms, I’m quite literally having trouble thinking and I feel really dizzy and a little confused. I also have that weird brain flushing sensation. I was on a nature walk earlier and felt like I was hallucinating, it was severe d/p. I know it’s a good sign my brain is healing though and am just going to take it easy for the rest of the day. How is your day going?

[Greatful]

@Mia1

2 hours ago, Mia1 said:

 I recently helped my husband’s cousin who was having a really difficult time. He started and stopped about four medications in about a four month period, two of them being benzo’s. His psychiatrist of course had no idea what was happening and kept increasing his drugs

This just make me both sad and mad. Tell him I feel his pain and my heart hurts for him.  Is he going to join SA?

 

2 hours ago, Mia1 said:

I’m with you today in terms of symptoms, I’m quite literally having trouble thinking and I feel really dizzy and a little confused. I also have that weird brain flushing sensation. I was on a nature walk earlier and felt like I was hallucinating, it was severe d/p. I know it’s a good sign my brain is healing though and am just going to take it easy for the rest of the day. How is your day going?

It is amazing the mess our brains are in.  I am struggling with  paranoia today.  I know that I am stuck in the fear of the fear.  The things I am paranoid of our so unrealistic but the anxiety it provokes in me is making me fear the fear.  If only my brain could function right.  I get stuck in the loop of will I always have this paranoia witch starts the loop  that I must be sick. 

 

I had to do something to get out of the house, raining day.  I went for a long drive and it seemed to help settle me down by the time I got home.

 

 I hate these drugs.  Tomorrow has got to be better, hubby is going to be gone most of the day.  I will probably be reaching out to you.   I told him maybe I will go for a long drive, like several hours.

2 hours ago, Mia1 said:

I know it’s a good sign my brain is healing though

 I tend to forget this one and feel like there is really something wrong with me, Hubby tries to remind me of this too.

  I keep hanging on to your words in my brain to try and keep me a  little bit focused. ❤️

 

Here is another link that will open your eyes some more.  Frightening

https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/blog/are-psychiatric-medications-safe-fdas-answer-may-surprise-you

[Mia1]

Hi @Greatfulhow are you doing today?

[Greatful]

Hi @Mia1  Thank so much for checking up on me.  man this is a lonely journey.  Hubby had a short distant Triathlon this morning, then he is going to our sons house to help put some sliding windows in a porch. I know he needs to have some time to himself.  I try not to get jealous.  I am trying to break up my day, I I can hardly function or maybe I just don't have the drive to function.  I went for a walk, soon I think I am going to go for a long drive.  I sure hope this doesn't get anymore crazy in my brain.  How can someone feel anything with just a 2% drop?  I wonder if the DRUG is  absorbing a little different,  I pour the crushed med on a spoon of yogurt, I do not use a capsule, maybe I should?

Weighed myself today and I am still losing weight. 

I hate that I am so sound sensitive an also unfocused, it makes it hard to concentrate to read, even on the forum here gets overwhelming when my brain is slowwwww. I l layed on the couch last night and listened to piano music and I had it almost as low as it can go and it still buzzed a little in my ear.k I miss talking people it is even hard to stay focused talking to my husband.  To much energy.

 

I got my okay from the school for the FMLA.  It is hard not to get caught up in the lose of that part of my life. 

 

What did you think of that interview from the director of the FDA.  Here I thought they monitored to make sure of the safety of Physic drugs😆  

 

Has your brain settled down any?  I have been noticing that most of my brain crushing and sensations are on the top and front of my brain,  

 

The frontal lobes are considered our emotional control center and home to our personality. It's involved in motor function, problem solving, spontaneity, memory, language, initiation, judgment, impulse control, and social and sexual behavior.

 

What do you have planned for the day?

 

[Greatful]

@Mia1https://www.pinterest.com/pin/1548181131665106/

 This has the whole brain and what each part controls

[Mia1]

Hi @Greatful it seems encouraging things haven’t gotten worse so hopefully you’ll just stabilize in the next week or so. Are you going to continue with the 2% cuts? I never found it necessary to use capsules, my husband cuts my pills and then puts each one in a seven day pill box so I get all the little pieces for that day.

 

It really can be difficult to focus but you do such a great job figuring out when to do things and when to rest. And that’s fantastic you were approved for FMLA!! Just think of all those days when you were working and thinking I could really use a break. This is your break, your time for yourself. It’s not permanent and you’ll be back to doing everything you loved soon enough. Your day is coming.

 

That article was really eye opening, I had no idea whatsoever that the FDA doesn’t actually approve these drugs as safe, only whether they may work or not. I appreciate you sharing this information with me. If you get a chance read this article on radical acceptance, it’s really helpful.

 

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-radical-acceptance-5120614

 

I’m doing well, I notice my brain is starting to calm down now in the evening so I’m grateful for the break. We’re getting there one day at a time 💗

 

[Mia1]

How are you doing today @Greatful ?

[Greatful]

@Mia1  Hi there,  I am really in a weird spot.  I feel like I am about 40% back to me, but I am still having crushing numbness on the the top of my head and my sound sensitivity and awareness around me is super high.  I feel panic in my brain because it is trying focus and bring me back in the rest of the way to clearness. Still have my crazy phobia, I think since my brain is trying so hard to focus and the sensitivity's is making  my irrational thinking stronger.  It is like I am trying to claw my way out of the fog of craziness.  Still have dizziness and weakness in arms and legs.  I fatigue really fast.  Something is shifting in me,  I feel it and it is hard to explain.  Maybe a leg, hip, and waist starting to cross over the line.  It is scaring me and hopeful at the same time.  Please don't go backwards, almost panicking, force my brain to go forward.

I must be healing I am getting my old restlessness back where I want to go out and do things,  really want to go out for drives, but the  phobia in public still is a problem.  I can only hope that that will diminish as I get clearer in the thinking.

 

I went out for a long drive on Saturday by my self, not sure if it was a good idea,  after about 25miles I started to get really dizzy, but I was almost to my destination.  I drove out to a few small towns were  there was a lot of memories, some good and some very sad.  Cried off and on.  I guess  what they say in WD is true your emotions are high and raw.  Of course I had to stay focused on the driving with my brain so out of wack. 🙄

 

 My diet went out the window.  I haven't been able to eat much again, so I finally I  said  I need  to find  anything that sounds like something I can eat.  Saturday on my drive I got Chicken strips from Dairy Queen and Sunday I got mashed potatoes, gravy and roasted chicken thighs, bun from local deli.  I thought this might make my symptoms worse, but I need nutrition.   I seem to have done okay on it.  I am tired of worrying about everything and if I will make it worse.  I am so tired of WD and all the craziness that goes with it.😩

 

 

On 9/3/2021 at 1:57 PM, Mia1 said:

. I also have that weird brain flushing sensation. 

lol  I think I had this on  Saturday evening (I guess the drive was to much for my brain) MY whole brain felt like it was a washing machined I heard a swishing constant swishing sound, it was not in my ears thank goodness. I was worried that it would turn into the dreaded ringing in the ears, since sometimes my ears feel like the are going to pop.  It finally quit😵

 

How is your weekend going?❤️

[Mia1]

4 hours ago, Greatful said:

I feel panic in my brain because it is trying focus and bring me back in the rest of the way

I totally get this, I often observe anxious thoughts that are centered around trying to control my thinking. Like if I can think this way or that way I will feel better. And then there’s that part of me that just observes all of this, it’s quite surreal. Sometimes it’s hard to find the words to explain these things, is this what you mean?

4 hours ago, Greatful said:

I must be healing I am getting my old restlessness back where I want to go out and do things, 

I agree this is a really good sign!! I’m so happy to hear you feel hopeful because you really do have every reason to feel that way, you are balancing out and healing.

4 hours ago, Greatful said:

I drove out to a few small towns were  there was a lot of memories, some good and some very sad.  Cried off and on. 

Sounds like you did some deep emotional healing. I actually did something similar this past Spring. It felt like accelerated healing. It takes courage to face this stuff.

 

Do be careful though not to drive too far if dizziness is an issue for you.

4 hours ago, Greatful said:

I am tired of worrying about everything and if I will make it worse.  I am so tired of WD and all the craziness that goes with it.😩

I completely relate to this, I think you get to a point where you’re just so tired of worrying that you simply refuse to do it anymore. And really it’s not like worry does anything but make us more anxious so good riddance, try to hold onto that feeling and make it last!!

5 hours ago, Greatful said:

How is your weekend going?

I had a really nice weekend, just  enjoying some last minute summer fun. Thanks for asking ❤️

[siderale]

Hello @Greatful, just passing by to wish you a good day, I hope you are doing alright ♥ Sending thoughts and strength, although you already have a lot ☀️

[Cheeky]

Hi @Greatful,

it’s good to read your nights is better, some hint of relief. I think you’ve done great getting out to see your daughter especially when your not feeling the best, your stronger than you think. I think of you but  I’m not the best with my words. I’m here for you always 😍

[Greatful]

@siderale @Cheeky  Thank you for stopping by and the words of encouragement.  I am not sure how strong I am,  I do struggle on a daily basis.  I have no where else to go but take the day as it comes, sometimes kicking, screaming full of panic and some times in hope.   This wd sure does make your emotions change   to extremes.   I am feeling kind of melancholy right now.  In a weird spot.  I still enjoy things but melancholy at the same time.  Same wd symptoms, crushing brain, dizziness, weak arms and legs, obsessing and some paranoia, some restlessness, hard to think straight and a few more, But at the same time I feel a shift in my over all wellbeing, a  positive shift,  I feel like am slowly coming around to me.  I don't know if that makes much sense.  I worry that I will get stuck here but that seems to be the thought for most people.  I just wish I could function a little better.  I am horrible at waiting patiently.  I see a glimmer of sanity coming  back and I want it all back  right now.

 

I started cutting my Lexapro.  I did a 2% cut Sept. 1  days 2,3,4 were tough, but things are better now.  Not sure if I should wait 2 weeks or cut again in the next couple of days?

 

I should be going back to work tomorrow, it will be a transition day for me.  Send me calm and warm thoughts.  I know in my heart that I am not at ready  to go back and I feel sad. I still get overwhelmed, over stimulated easily and my brain goes even more numb, tingly  and crushes down on me. Thinking, focus and  concentration is still hard.  My job is to physical and very busy on your feet and moving the whole time,  Lot's of people, noise and communicating.  I should have off until Jan. I really hope that I will be in a better spot so I can go back to work.☺️

[Mia1]

@GreatfulI know the feeling of just wanting to live your life again and have this experience in the rear view mirror. Remember to take extra good care of yourself these next couple days to help get you through. Maybe you can plan something special to do tomorrow to celebrate your progress?

 

I would definitely give yourself the full month before you cut again. It’s good news you’re starting to feel positive, let your brain settle and adjust.

 

 I’m here for you 💖

[Cheeky]

@Greatful, I’m so sorry for your struggling but I do know your going to better❤️‍🩹 everyone heals and you will too. I haven’t been on here much as I’ve trying to give myself a break of reading to much distress . I still have mild waves but I distract myself with doing things. I’ve been reading a great book “The Happiness trap” its all about ACT and it’s helping me a lot. I still have this trauma from what these drugs have done to me and so many people ,it’s too upsetting, especially when I can’t do anything to help.

You are doing a great job surviving this while helping others  and you deserve to be happy. Thinking of you always and will be here for you. I’m just a message away . (((Hugs))) to you 🥰

[Greatful]

@Cheeky  Hi there,  

55 minutes ago, Cheeky said:

everyone heals and you will too.

Thank you I need to be reminded of this.  It is easy to get sucked into the abyss of never ending days of this.  I really do feel like some healing is going on, small but there.  Almost like a acceptance of the symptoms.  I have resorted to the thought that this maybe painful at times and get overwhelming, but it will not kill me.  I am trying to turn all my worries over to God and pray that he will take care of me.  I have to get on with living my life with whatever capabilities I can manage right now.  Take it a day at a time.  I am stuck with just moving forward.  I don't know that anything but time will help me right now.  I am on to many drugs right now to add anything or change anything.

 

1 hour ago, Cheeky said:

“The Happiness trap” its all about ACT and it’s helping me a lot. I still have this trauma from what these drugs have done to me and so many people ,it’s too upsetting, especially when I can’t do anything to help.

I will have to look into this book.  Yes, the trauma from these drugs is hard for me to comprehend and accept.  It is very overwhelming to read so many people are having such a hard time getting off these drugs.  The control they have over us is scary..... 

 

1 hour ago, Cheeky said:

I haven’t been on here much as I’ve trying to give myself a break of reading to much distress .

I am not spending as much time on here either.  It is overwhelming the pain and destruction you hear in  the voices.....I can get discouraged with the on going battle that people go through that seems to go on for ever.  I don't want to be reminded daily that this could take sometime to process through.  I am still on here everyday, but not for hours a day.  The distraction doing other things brings me into life and not total focus on my symptoms.   

I am still following people and will help out when I can.....

Sometimes it is nice to just have a little conversation with someone. Just like you  were out for coffee with a friend and need to spout off a little....

1 hour ago, Cheeky said:

Thinking of you always and will be here for you.

Thank you and I am here for you also.  Take care of yourself and stop just to say hi and vent if you need to.❤️

 

 

 

[Bea81]

How are you today, @Greatful?

[Greatful]

@Bea81 Than you so much for asking.  I really appreciate it.

 

I am struggling today.  Major anxiety, boarding on panic.  Really trying to accept it and remind myself it can't hurt me.  I get really sensitive to noise and activity.  Sometimes my husbands voice is hard to hear.  This wd is some crazy stuff.......

 

How are you doing today?

[Bea81]

30 minutes ago, Greatful said:

@Bea81 Than you so much for asking.  I really appreciate it.

 

I am struggling today.  Major anxiety, boarding on panic.  Really trying to accept it and remind myself it can't hurt me.  I get really sensitive to noise and activity.  Sometimes my husbands voice is hard to hear.  This wd is some crazy stuff.......

 

How are you doing today?

Oh no, I am so sorry to hear you are in sutch pain. It is just beyond "normal" suffering isnt it.. And I can actually just quote you on how I am, it is so much the same its almost odd. Exept I am in full panic. My other half left on a work trip today and could be gone for 6-7 weeks and I have never really needed him before but at this time I do. Ive always been good on my own but now I am not at all. And I feel like you that everything can be a trigger and send me into panic and darkness. I do have people to talk to but I feel like at least one of them is getting frustrated with me. And a friend really upset me today and not in a WD thoughts kind of upset, its something I normaly would get upset about. So I dont want to be alone but at the same time I find myself scared of being with someone. It makes no sense. And now Im spamming your thread. Have you been in a wave today or has it lasted longer? Do you find support in your husband? I so so hope it will ease up for you very soon. 💙

[KittenLePurr]

On 9/3/2021 at 11:05 AM, Greatful said:

@KittenLePurr  How do we get it out there that these drugs are not just a sugar pill. As I read new members coming here in so much  pain and panic, a lot of the doctors have created the problems and then don't know how to fix them.  I read on here were a recently a member is in a huge mess, his mother is a Physic doctor and he trusted SA more then his mother.  If I remember right she didn't know about reinstatement and that he was in wd. 

Look at you, look at me, look at Mia1 and the pages and pages of people from all over the world crying out for help.  Their ignorance is shaming to their profession.

Look at the symptoms  that people are having when the want off  these mind altering drugs and all they want is to have a brain that works drug free.  Look at the people have been damaged from the use of them, diabetes, heart issues, horrible akathisia, I am shocked when you read some of the horrible illness that have happened to some people because  of using these drugs. 

I found this on the web site inner compass.  how drugs testing can get past the FDA and pass.  It sure makes me suspicions and angry. 

https://www.theinnercompass.org/learn-unlearn/intervention/how-psychiatric-drugs-are-researched-and-marketed 

 

Boy am I worked up😖

Just seeing this...that's infuriating and not surprising! I am so, so angry at the system...because only in this kind of system would we have a medical-industrial complex that would allow this. It's really crazy. 

Checking in to see how you're doing today? 

[KittenLePurr]

On 9/7/2021 at 10:02 AM, Greatful said:

I am feeling kind of melancholy right now.  In a weird spot.  I still enjoy things but melancholy at the same time.  Same wd symptoms, crushing brain, dizziness, weak arms and legs, obsessing and some paranoia, some restlessness, hard to think straight and a few more, But at the same time I feel a shift in my over all wellbeing, a  positive shift,  I feel like am slowly coming around to me. 

This makes perfect sense to me. After coming off Klonipin last year, I was overwhelmed with anxiety and terror, in a very thick fog, and generally just a complete mess and at the same time, I felt more myself than ever before and because of that, I was hopeful and optimistic and dreaming of what I wanted in the future, and it was a beautiful thing. You're healing, and you've been working hard to find and maintain your center, your witness consciousness and true self, and it's working.  Did you go back to work? I might've misread your post but it sounded like you did even though you didn't feel ready? Hope you're having an ok week so far 

[Greatful]

@KittenLePurr  Hi thanks for stopping by.  I am doing okay up and down like a yoyo.

depressed for a few days than really anxious ,dizzy  round and round the merry-go-round.  Waiting for it to stop and see where I land.  Really trying to stay focused on the the end game or

to just make it through the day.  Sometimes it is really out of focus🥴

 

I did not go back to work, I am set up on FMLA for 12 weeks.  I am hoping to get through the winter school break before I have to go back.  This was a really big step for me in accepting that I am not wonder woman and I don't have anything to prove by forcing myself in to a situation that would not support where I am right now in life.

 

I am working on the skills that Mia has been teaching us.  I have to admit sometimes the brain just goes blank and the skills disappear.  It has to be the brain injury that causes the disconnect in the brain.🙄

 

How are you doing?   Have you made a cut recently.

I just want to remind you on how well you are doing and that you are inspiration.❤️ 

 

 

 

[rubywednesday]

14 minutes ago, Greatful said:

@KittenLePurr

I just want to remind you on how well you are doing and that you are inspiration.❤️ 

Ditto, you are amazing, the way you're coping with all the withdrawals and the support and empathy you give to others.  Just wish there was something I could do to ease your suffering. 

 

Ruby x

[Greatful]

@rubywednesday  Thank you, I really appreciate the kind words. Knowing that people who can relate and are ready to help out and offer words of kindness is heart warming.

 

 I am hoping for some lift from the melancholy and sadness.  It is crazy how things just keep shifting around.  Some days the depression just about buries you, then days later you have to think am I depressed,  then the anxiety hits with a sledge hammer and last for days and then it changes to dizziness or disconnected brain or scramble thoughts, then fatigue and muscle weakness or flu like symptoms.   

But when you get a little break you see that you have healed a little bit, the brain is a little clearer.

Each evening we can say,  I made it another day😊

[KenA]

1 minute ago, Greatful said:

@rubywednesday  Thank you, I really appreciate the kind words. Knowing that people who can relate and are ready to help out and offer words of kindness is heart warming.

 

 I am hoping for some lift from the melancholy and sadness.  It is crazy how things just keep shifting around.  Some days the depression just about buries you, then days later you have to think am I depressed,  then the anxiety hits with a sledge hammer and last for days and then it changes to dizziness or disconnected brain or scramble thoughts, then fatigue and muscle weakness or flu like symptoms.   

But when you get a little break you see that you have healed a little bit, the brain is a little clearer.

Each evening we can say,  I made it another day😊

Love this sooooo much!!! Today I needed a reminder of this!! Thank you for the positivity!! I try to stay positive as much as humanly possible but sometimes I even get down a little thank you for this!!

[Greatful]

@KenA  We are all in this together.  SA is one big life raft full of caring people.😚

[jon1]

On 9/14/2021 at 12:37 AM, Greatful said:

I am hoping for some lift from the melancholy and sadness.  It is crazy how things just keep shifting around.  Some days the depression just about buries you, then days later you have to think am I depressed,  then the anxiety hits with a sledge hammer and last for days and then it changes to dizziness or disconnected brain or scramble thoughts, then fatigue and muscle weakness or flu like symptoms. 

 

I think this paragraph sums up what it's like perfectly!

 

My other half keeps asking how I am, and it must seem like I'm working my way through a medical encyclopaedia of symptoms.

 

For the first time in ages I suggested we went out shopping last weekend - as I was feeling in better spirits. About an hour into the trip I was suddenly hit with the 'flu' symptoms, started sweating and became incredibly tired. Which hasn't shifted yet. The first few times it happened I took COVID tests, I don't bother now!`

 

Just as one symptom subsides, another reappears and pokes you in the eye.

[Greatful]

@jon1 Hi, thanks for stopping by.  

2 hours ago, jon1 said:

For the first time in ages I suggested we went out shopping last weekend - as I was feeling in better spirits.

This is always a encouraging emotion, better spirits.  It is a sign that you are still in there and things are moving in the right direction. 

 

I remember going out to Olive Garden and being at a sit down restaurant was a very big step for me.

One day at a time and  support from the incredibility strong, caring members on SA  is what is going to get us to out of this drug induced mess.

Hang in there☺️

 

[Mia1]

Hi @Greatfulstopping by to see how you are feeling today.

[KittenLePurr]

On 9/13/2021 at 5:59 PM, Greatful said:

@KittenLePurr  Hi thanks for stopping by.  I am doing okay up and down like a yoyo.

depressed for a few days than really anxious ,dizzy  round and round the merry-go-round.  Waiting for it to stop and see where I land.  Really trying to stay focused on the the end game or

to just make it through the day.  Sometimes it is really out of focus🥴

 

I did not go back to work, I am set up on FMLA for 12 weeks.  I am hoping to get through the winter school break before I have to go back.  This was a really big step for me in accepting that I am not wonder woman and I don't have anything to prove by forcing myself in to a situation that would not support where I am right now in life.

 

I am working on the skills that Mia has been teaching us.  I have to admit sometimes the brain just goes blank and the skills disappear.  It has to be the brain injury that causes the disconnect in the brain.🙄

 

How are you doing?   Have you made a cut recently.

I just want to remind you on how well you are doing and that you are inspiration.❤️ 

 

 

 

Aw thank you ❤️ I'm so glad you put your recovery first and took more time off. Indeed, you don't have to prove anything or try to be Wonder Woman; it's so much more important to honor where you're at and take good loving care of yourself. You're doing the right thing and doing such a great job.

 

I'm sorry you've had a yoyo effect of symptoms. I like your metaphor of being on the merry-go-round and seeing where you land. Could I borrow that if I credit you in whatever writing I used it in??😃 Such great, fitting imagery.

 

Just keep working on those skills. Some days it feels like they've disappeared for me too. Especially with the depression because it caught me off-guard and feels so different from the anxiety, worry, fear, and circular, obsessive thinking. Focusing on the endgame and making it through the day is great. How are you filling your time now? Has it gotten any easier to take it easy and not have much of a schedule? I feel like maybe not having much of a schedule is feeding my depression, at least when I'm not focused on the present, on healing or on doing something...like I'm just floating, directionless in the abyss. That can feel hopeless, empty and sad. I have to remember to find a balance between directionless emptiness and hurried, productive, self-pressure. A middleground where I'm focused and centered. Easier said than done sometimes! Might need to add my mid-day meditation back in. Not sure why I stopped doing that but it definitely helps to re-center. Also need to do more tapping. Have you tried EFT? I might've asked you that before, sorry if I'm being redundant. I find it really helpful. The Tapping Solution app was a lifeline during Klonipin withdrawal.

 

Hope you have a good day ❤️

[Marta]

Hi @Grateful please excuse me if I don't always write here. I am thinking about you. I wish too so much this merry-go-round to stop. Or to spin slower at least. 

We should remind ourselves that nothing goes linear here sadly. Also that maby something "big" like a strong physical syntmom can take a reasonable fast time to heal while some small mental discomfort can take ages and periodically going through it makes it seem even bigger than what it is (sorry for the messy sentence)

Sincere hugs ❤️❤️❤️

[Greatful]

@Marta  Thanks for stopping.  I am trying to hang in there right next to you.  

One day at a time.  Some times one minute a time, but wouldn't you know the time goes by and it's a new day.    I want my life back😆🥴😕.   I guess that doesn't help, so back to clomping along and waiting for the next skip to appear again.

 

[siderale]

Thinking about you @Greatful, I hope the mood swings have been less intense for you and that you could experience a bit of relief these past days. Thank you for always being there for us. I'm sending warm thoughts, hang in there, you're incredibly strong and your efforts will pay off, every day is a day closer to recovery 💙

[Greatful]

@siderale  Thank you so much, it is nice to feel apart of the team and that we are here for each other😊

 

 

 A little up date....

Either I am in a little window, or small amount of healing in my brain has taken place. a little break from the darkness , still very much in wd but it is at a lesser degree. 

 

I am watching my diet more.  I am cutting out some of the foods that affect the histamine in your body.  Who would have thought , bananas, spinach and yogurt would be on the no- no list, I was having smoothies almost 5 days a week with spinach, Kale, yogurt, bananas  berries and milk. 

Peanut butter, avocado, dairy, beans, canned foods, processed or smoked meats, are a no-no to, blah, blah, blah. 

 

I also cut 2% of my Lexapro Sept. 1st.  I think things have settled out from that, so I will cut 2% next Monday about 3 1/2 between.

 

[Kat66]

15 hours ago, Greatful said:

@siderale  Thank you so much, it is nice to feel apart of the team and that we are here for each other😊

 

 

 A little up date....

Either I am in a little window, or small amount of healing in my brain has taken place. a little break from the darkness , still very much in wd but it is at a lesser degree. 

 

I am watching my diet more.  I am cutting out some of the foods that affect the histamine in your body.  Who would have thought , bananas, spinach and yogurt would be on the no- no list, I was having smoothies almost 5 days a week with spinach, Kale, yogurt, bananas  berries and milk. 

 

@Greatful This diet thing is a real bummer. I too have smoothies daily. I’m glad you’re in a window…I’ve just come out of a micro window. I’m so glad we all have each other, WD can be such a lonely place. I hope your window lasts a long time! Xx