Parisien: premature ejaculation escitalopram 10mg and Brintellix 5mg - sexual dysfunction

[Parisien]

When I see the damage it caused me I don't want to take the treatment for life again the doctors are really not aware of the damage it causes

[Nicros]

Three months... that's about the time I was escitalopram-free in 2021. My premature ejaculation did not improve in this time as well. I hope you will see improvement as time goes on!

I am currently at 5mg (yes, too fast, I know) and days are rough, but manageable. Mood is down and while sleep at night is mediocre (yet could be worse), I'm tired all day long and get upset very easily. I'm not in the mood for any sexual activity right now, so I cannot say if there is already some change due to the reduction.

 

Regarding doctors I'm at least happy that I could finally bring up this subject with him. My first doctor was a woman and I did not feel at ease to raise sexual issues with her. So we naturally did not discuss any of this. My current doctor admits that SSRIs actually do impair sexuality and recommended switching to bupropion. I actually tried this for a weekend, but became very aggressive, so stopped taking it after only two or three days. (I'd say now that this probably was due to withdrawal from escitalopram, not necessarily an effect of the bupropion.)

 

 

[Ben190]

Hey Guys,

just checking in! I am doing okay, things are improving but still I can’t tell you if my symptoms will be more or less next day, it’s changing sometimes within a day as well. But I think I am improving. @Parisien it will take time 😕

 If you have any questions just ask

 

Best,

Ben

[Parisien]

Hello everyone how are you?  I so wish it would be better for all of us I pray every day for it to happen.  Premature ejaculation is one thing and I hope it will get better with time, but I also want to find the old me, who was afraid of the doubts that marked the things of life the feelings of love  etc  Do you think it is possible to return to this state?  To be normal again because I still feel disconnected from people being somewhere else.  And that scares me very much.

 

@Ben190@Avicii @Nicros

[Ben190]

11 hours ago, Parisien said:

Hello everyone how are you?  I so wish it would be better for all of us I pray every day for it to happen.  Premature ejaculation is one thing and I hope it will get better with time, but I also want to find the old me, who was afraid of the doubts that marked the things of life the feelings of love  etc  Do you think it is possible to return to this state?  To be normal again because I still feel disconnected from people being somewhere else.  And that scares me very much.

 

@Ben190@Avicii @Nicros

Of course it is possible... I can tell you the whole struggle I had with PSSD and the progress I have made. After that you will never think healing is impossible  

[Avicii]

New succes story @Parisien!!

 

We need to read this kind of stories!

 

 

[Parisien]

On 4/6/2022 at 5:55 PM, Avicii said:

New succes story @Parisien!!

 

We need to read this kind of stories!

 

 

Thank you @Avicii yes I had read this success story it's nice.  After for me the reality is there.  I sleep very badly I wake up to rest as soon as I'm outside or in the presence of someone I'm stressed I have a bad feeling I'm very very tired.  Maybe I stopped my treatment all of a sudden too quickly that I have to start it again to gradually reduce it.  I don't know but I'm going to work and I have the impression that it's on my head that I'm not well.  It's the horror really I don't even live I survive it's very hard on a daily basis despite the efforts that I little.  And I don't want to go back to this drug after I realize I'm so bad that I can't stay like this it's not livable

[Parisien]

Give me your recenti guys please.  Did you quit gradually or suddenly?  I would so much like to sleep and wake up having the feeling as before of being rested from having slept well.  I wake up I can't wait to finally go back to bed on the days when I can sleep and I don't have insomnia.  I'm afraid of people's gaze of not being up to it, it sees on my face that I'm in pain.  I'm very afraid of this drug, I'm sorry to be so negative, unfortunately in life we don't have time.  I quit three months ago and I don't see any change.  Plus I'm starting a new job so it's going to be complicated at first if I'm stressed and I'm tired it's hard for me.  I ask myself the question of reinstatement even if I had sworn to myself not to take anything back, but I hope that having suddenly stopped my treatment did not cause me my current state.  I hope so tell me if you made a sudden or gradual stop??

[Avicii]

I quit from one day to another, then it took about 6 weeks for my CNS to crash…..

 

I am also very negative right now, maybe because I am not in an acute state anymore and I can’t wait to heal 100%. I used to date, go to the gym, do sports and so on, everything is now destroyed. SSRI killed my soul, my libido and my penis. A man without these functions is a dead man….

[Jakob66]

15 hours ago, Avicii said:

I quit from one day to another, then it took about 6 weeks for my CNS to crash…..

 

I am also very negative right now, maybe because I am not in an acute state anymore and I can’t wait to heal 100%. I used to date, go to the gym, do sports and so on, everything is now destroyed. SSRI killed my soul, my libido and my penis. A man without these functions is a dead man….

 

It is wery normal for the withdrawal to have a dealyed onset. Same happend to me. It took about 2 months for my cns to crash.

[Parisien]

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.lelanceur.fr/detruits-par-des-antidepresseurs-des-jeunes-gens-demandent-leuthanasie/amp/

 

It sends shivers down your spine.. do the English translation.  There are days I tell myself don't break down don't take the treatment again but I'm so bad

[Ben190]

I don’t think that taking it again solves the problem, for me things improve still and my healing aspect is that I never touch this crap again

[Ben190]

Keep goin :)!

[Parisien]

Hi @Ben190 how are you?  I thought about it and I did not resume the treatment, I will never resume it.  I keep fighting even if it's hard some days.  Mentally and sexually I see some evolution even minimal but I have the impression that when I am positive my sexuality is better whereas when I see everything in black it is more complicated the same for the moral rating.  I sleep a little better, I hope that one day I will be able to wake up to rest like I did before taking this drug.  @Avicii how are you?  And those that I forget give some news from you guys that we see a little the evolution of each one please we are together courage

[Avicii]

7 hours ago, Parisien said:

Hi @Ben190 how are you?  I thought about it and I did not resume the treatment, I will never resume it.  I keep fighting even if it's hard some days.  Mentally and sexually I see some evolution even minimal but I have the impression that when I am positive my sexuality is better whereas when I see everything in black it is more complicated the same for the moral rating.  I sleep a little better, I hope that one day I will be able to wake up to rest like I did before taking this drug.  @Avicii how are you?  And those that I forget give some news from you guys that we see a little the evolution of each one please we are together courage

I don’t know what to say…yes I have improved over the past 3-4 months but still, why the hell am I living in this hell at all?! I am so tired of this by now…I just want my libido and sexuality back, it’s a huge part that has been taking away from me.

 

I am givning up at least a hundred times a day but everytime I ”ungive” up and continue to fight through the day. 
 

The positive side is that I have days now when my cognitive issues are basicly completely gone and I feel strong again. I would say that cognitive functions are healed by 80%, Physical 75%, emotional 70% and sexual 40%. It seems that my sexuality won’t come back before my brain has healed 100%….maybe there has been some kind of damage in my body as well because my penis is completely dead and numb.

 

@Ben190How would you say that you felt around 15 months of? Did you still have a shrunk and dead penis? Could you fantasise about sex? Did your body hurt? 

[Fairsome]

I have personally tried reinstatement in order to snap out of withdrawal syndrome -- it didn't work. However, I know one person who got a great relief in PSSD symptoms from reinstating. It is very individual. 

 

It's good that your cognitive issues are almost gone, Avicii. I still feel very out of touch most of the time and have vision disturbances that sometimes are very bad that I feel very disorientated in my environment... Still, the most painful thing is this total havoc from my waist down - I literally feel the brain sending the wrong signals and it's very uncomfortable. It was said that these drugs should somehow heal the brain and the nervous system, they did the total opposite and screwed everything.

[Parisien]

Hi guys how are you?  Happy Easter enjoy the sun my vitamin D is all good!  I don't know what the weather is like where you are, but in France in Paris, it's almost August.  I'm wondering, it's good I'm back to work next week.  I've pushed back a lot because it's been three months since I stopped taking this drug I'm a bit elsewhere but I have to take it upon myself it's going to do me good and surely help me sleep better to have a real  pace.  On the other hand I am very very stressed I wonder if for the beginnings I will not be able to take 2.5mg of my old antidepressant.  I took 10mg for a very long time but I had big short-term memory lapses that weren't compatible with a job.  Then I took 5mg for 6 months and it was perfect.  Although it stopped causing me the mental and sexual problems that we all know.  I say to myself for the beginnings its little help me then when I would be installed at my work to stop it.  2.5 mg do you think it can help me?  I'll talk to my doctor about it.  Be well I hope everyone is doing pretty well I'm thinking of you guys

[Nicros]

2 hours ago, Parisien said:

Hi guys how are you?  Happy Easter enjoy the sun my vitamin D is all good!  I don't know what the weather is like where you are, but in France in Paris, it's almost August.  I'm wondering, it's good I'm back to work next week.  I've pushed back a lot because it's been three months since I stopped taking this drug I'm a bit elsewhere but I have to take it upon myself it's going to do me good and surely help me sleep better to have a real  pace.  On the other hand I am very very stressed I wonder if for the beginnings I will not be able to take 2.5mg of my old antidepressant.  I took 10mg for a very long time but I had big short-term memory lapses that weren't compatible with a job.  Then I took 5mg for 6 months and it was perfect.  Although it stopped causing me the mental and sexual problems that we all know.  I say to myself for the beginnings its little help me then when I would be installed at my work to stop it.  2.5 mg do you think it can help me?  I'll talk to my doctor about it.  Be well I hope everyone is doing pretty well I'm thinking of you guys

 

Hi! Haven't been here for a while, but as I'm having a bad day today I have retired to my room to distract myself by surfing the web, trying to read etc.

 

Yes, the weather here in the german middle uplands is great, too. Could be a little warmer, but hey, it's still only April after all. 🙂

 

Concerning your idea to take 2,5mg of your AD again: as far as I can tell from your messages, you've come a very long way since stopping. I am tempted to increase my dose as well at times, but, so far, I resist every time. Why don't you try to start working without it and see if it works out? You can still restart anytime after that.

 

But I'm no doctor -- better see him and aks him what he thinks!

[Avicii]

On 4/17/2022 at 3:24 PM, Nicros said:

 

Hi! Haven't been here for a while, but as I'm having a bad day today I have retired to my room to distract myself by surfing the web, trying to read etc.

 

Yes, the weather here in the german middle uplands is great, too. Could be a little warmer, but hey, it's still only April after all. 🙂

 

Concerning your idea to take 2,5mg of your AD again: as far as I can tell from your messages, you've come a very long way since stopping. I am tempted to increase my dose as well at times, but, so far, I resist every time. Why don't you try to start working without it and see if it works out? You can still restart anytime after that.

 

But I'm no doctor -- better see him and aks him what he thinks!

Great weather in southern Sweden, I am getting alot of free vitamine D

 

I am feeling a bit stronger and I have decided to take up my training again even if it is a bit harder than it used to. Yesterday I skied 9 km on my roller skies, it’s a really tough exercise. I can feel that I continue to heal even though I am still far from 100%. My brain is still fried and there is no connection to my genitals. That part of me is still as bad as ever….i have heard from many that the PSSD is the last symptom to go so hopefully I just need more time and that part will heal aswell. 
 

My god I want this to just go away know! Let me live a normal life for god’s sake!

[Parisien]

In the end, I did not resume the treatment and I think I did well even if it is hard.  Look at what I read: "duration of withdrawal from antidepressants depends on the duration of the prescription. If the prescription is for a few months, stopping the antidepressants is going to be relatively quick, in a few weeks. If you have a prescription for several  years, discontinuing treatment will take several months in increments to be sure there is no recurrence of depressive symptoms and to promote discontinuation without the emergence of what is known as discontinuation syndrome,  withdrawal of some sort which is related to a number of systems which have been altered during the treatment and which, in order to return to their basic state, requires that there be a gradual reduction in doses."  Me, I stop them all at once, I wonder what it would have changed if I would have stopped it gradually.  Because I no longer have dizziness, headaches, etc. I now have stress, depression and above all the feeling of being elsewhere, of not really being present in the fog.  What do you think it changes to stop it suddenly or gradually?  Some days I tell myself I'll have to start again to stop gradually, but 4 months later it's too late.  I mean by that we go back the same if we have to go back to stopping suddenly only gradually?  I hope we all get well guys

[Nicros]

On 4/20/2022 at 1:17 AM, Parisien said:

In the end, I did not resume the treatment and I think I did well even if it is hard.  Look at what I read: "duration of withdrawal from antidepressants depends on the duration of the prescription. If the prescription is for a few months, stopping the antidepressants is going to be relatively quick, in a few weeks. If you have a prescription for several  years, discontinuing treatment will take several months in increments to be sure there is no recurrence of depressive symptoms and to promote discontinuation without the emergence of what is known as discontinuation syndrome,  withdrawal of some sort which is related to a number of systems which have been altered during the treatment and which, in order to return to their basic state, requires that there be a gradual reduction in doses."  Me, I stop them all at once, I wonder what it would have changed if I would have stopped it gradually.  Because I no longer have dizziness, headaches, etc. I now have stress, depression and above all the feeling of being elsewhere, of not really being present in the fog.  What do you think it changes to stop it suddenly or gradually?  Some days I tell myself I'll have to start again to stop gradually, but 4 months later it's too late.  I mean by that we go back the same if we have to go back to stopping suddenly only gradually?  I hope we all get well guys

 

Good to hear that you did not "give in" or whatever one may call it. Especially since you've been "clean" for quite a while now. What I remember from my previous taper and what I'm noticing during my current taper is that I in a way have to re-learn how to deal with life. I am no longer shielded from unpleasant (and pleasant) emotions. I really do hope for you and me that we will both learn to cope with the stress of daily life without medication!

 

What I am unforntunately already experiencing is the recurrence of that dang premature ejaculation. While it's not as bad as it was when I took no medication at all, it's already bad enough for me to be disappointed. Great! That was the main reason for me returning to escitalopram last year... 

 

Maybe anyone else can share his experiences concerning that topic? It'd be really helpful to know whether I am going to be cursed with this for the rest of my life or if it will eventually resolve. Right now I am wishing I had never started taking medication in the first place!

Edited April 22, 2022 by Nicros
Spelling fixed.

[canaanstongue01]

10 hours ago, Nicros said:

 

Maybe anyone else can share his experiences concerning that topic? It'd be really helpful to know whether I am going to be cursed with this for the rest of my life or if it will eventually resolve. Right now I am wishing I had never started taking medication in the first place!

i’m right here with you, i want to know if it ever resolves as well. @DLB saw improvement but still has it and he’s been off 8 years now. most other pssd recovery stories don’t seem to mention it. i lose a lot of sleep replaying that day in 2012 when i started lexapro; though at this point, i’d even take going back only far enough to tell myself to just stay on them for good… i’d take a bit of emotional numbness and delayed ejactulation over total anhedonia, total loss of libido and 5 sec orgasms any day. what a joke…

[Nicros]

Eight years is a whole lot of time... I'm really impressed he was willing to endure it for that long.

 

But first things first. It will still be a while for me arrive at 0 mg anyway.

[Parisien]

Hello, when you say that he has seen improvements, that is to say?  Personally, I haven't had a report since my sudden cessation of treatment 4 months ago.  And I read that a person in France said that it was readjusted for him in 2 or 3 months.  Myself while masturbating no evolution I see it well.  So I'm not in the mood maybe his cheek but not to that extent.  Nobody got over it here except @ben?  Hanedonia or brain fog insomnia will eventually pass even if it will be long I know.  But just if I wouldn't have this premature ejaculation I think I'll be fine, that's what's hurting my morale.  Even if I would be that in two years it will be better I would be happy but there the fact of not knowing is terrible.  Especially at an age when you meet people you want children to meet.  I will take it upon myself to wait, try to be positive, play sports and allow time.  But at some point... if it doesn't get resolved, what solution do you have apart from taking drugs again to live a more or less normal sexuality?  My GP all she could find to tell me was that it could come from diabetes or something like that from doing tests.  If only that was it

[canaanstongue01]

34 minutes ago, Parisien said:

Hello, when you say that he has seen improvements, that is to say?

he said that his premature ejaculation is still there, but not as bad as it used to be. i believe you asked him the same question and got a similar response. 

[Parisien]

Eh behh .. I would like to be positive but I have a hard time.  Maybe being positive about playing sports and taking life on the bright side helps with premature ejaculation.  The way we feel and approach life can have positive consequences for sexuality.  I am negative and I have not had sex.  So I'm going to try this method which is the best before considering taking anything back.  Then we'll see if it improves if I manage to last acceptably.  Because the progress of one is not the progress of the others I think that each case is different it's like what I read here on the recovery of the sleep of the emotions of the morale in some it is very very long.  Personally I am 30 eldest I wouldn't wait 7 years.  For others it is faster.  What I also notice here in terms of PSSD of premature ejaculation and any other symptoms is general lappetance and desolation.  But I understand it, I myself

[Fairsome]

23 hours ago, Parisien said:

Hello, when you say that he has seen improvements, that is to say?  Personally, I haven't had a report since my sudden cessation of treatment 4 months ago.  And I read that a person in France said that it was readjusted for him in 2 or 3 months.  Myself while masturbating no evolution I see it well.  So I'm not in the mood maybe his cheek but not to that extent.  Nobody got over it here except @ben?  Hanedonia or brain fog insomnia will eventually pass even if it will be long I know.  But just if I wouldn't have this premature ejaculation I think I'll be fine, that's what's hurting my morale.  Even if I would be that in two years it will be better I would be happy but there the fact of not knowing is terrible.  Especially at an age when you meet people you want children to meet.  I will take it upon myself to wait, try to be positive, play sports and allow time.  But at some point... if it doesn't get resolved, what solution do you have apart from taking drugs again to live a more or less normal sexuality?  My GP all she could find to tell me was that it could come from diabetes or something like that from doing tests.  If only that was it

Don't listen to the idiot doctors, remember they were the same who threw us in this mess and ruined our lives... Of course they will say it's not because of the poisonous drugs but anything other. Trying various drugs may interfere with your body's attempt to correct its autonomic functioning, look in the PSSD topic. Stay away from these neurotoxins

[Parisien]

You're right, I'm going to stay away from this drug that ruined my life.  But at some point what solution do you have?  Stay with this premature ejaculation for life?  Take viagra or priligy?  Because sincerely a life without normal sexuality is not a life everyone here will agree with me I think.  The goal of a life finally for me it is to be in love to have children etc and there it is just impossible.  So you're right, don't take this **** again, but how many years are we going to wait like this?  No one knows that's the worst

[Fairsome]

I know - I myself am literally impotent because of the criminal doctors... I have tons of other symptoms though, do you only have premature ejaculation? I have pain everywhere, constant electrical feeling through my body, nausea, visual disturbances, extremely dry skin, gut problems, fatigue etc etc. Everyday is just about survival right now, I still can't believe this has happened to me because of a legally prescribed drug. 

 

There are many positive stories too, look at @Violets and @Ben190 (who have made a lot of progress). I am just scared how much time it will take to finally have a life that is worth living again.

[Parisien]

I really understand you, nah I don't think it would be "too good".  I also have a lot of fatigue, I have nights where I can get up very early and can't go back to sleep and days where I can sleep more than 12 hours, it's strange.  I am very irritable.  I no longer have any emotions at all I just watched a movie which normally would have brought tears to my eyes then it just stops my emotions completely I recen it.  I have eye problems with the sun or the cold, it gets irritated and wet.  I have a blank stare so I can stare at something for several minutes, I really feel elsewhere.  After 4 months of withdrawal I am really very very scared.  It's really criminal to give us this I think I'm going to see the psychiatrist who prescribed this **** to me to tell her my way of thinking that it is a criminal.  Although it won't fundamentally change anything I know.  Premature ejaculation if I didn't have it I think I can hope to get better one day.  But the .. I'm really desperate in fact it's like this fight without knowing if it will get better one day.  I have no words it's horrible

[Fairsome]

2 minutes ago, Parisien said:

I really understand you, nah I don't think it would be "too good".  I also have a lot of fatigue, I have nights where I can get up very early and can't go back to sleep and days where I can sleep more than 12 hours, it's strange.  I am very irritable.  I no longer have any emotions at all I just watched a movie which normally would have brought tears to my eyes then it just stops my emotions completely I recen it.  I have eye problems with the sun or the cold, it gets irritated and wet.  I have a blank stare so I can stare at something for several minutes, I really feel elsewhere.  After 4 months of withdrawal I am really very very scared.  It's really criminal to give us this I think I'm going to see the psychiatrist who prescribed this **** to me to tell her my way of thinking that it is a criminal.  Although it won't fundamentally change anything I know.  Premature ejaculation if I didn't have it I think I can hope to get better one day.  But the .. I'm really desperate in fact it's like this fight without knowing if it will get better one day.  I have no words it's horrible

Yes, it is, indeed. I had visited my idiot doctor after all of this began and she asked me what withdrawal syndrome was.. When I told her the hell I am going through, she said these are symptoms of anxiety. It's ridiculous, these life ruining poisons should be prescribed only on extreme occasions, and with informed consent about their dangers. Also, when I told my Dr that because of these poisons I have zero libido and my sex drive is destroyed, she asked me how did I know that when I currently don't have a girlfriend?! It is absolutely criminal, these doctors should be convicted for what they did to us, but they can't even admit it.

[Parisien]

15 minutes ago, Fairsome said:

Yes, it is, indeed. I had visited my idiot doctor after all of this began and she asked me what withdrawal syndrome was.. When I told her the hell I am going through, she said these are symptoms of anxiety. It's ridiculous, these life ruining poisons should be prescribed only on extreme occasions, and with informed consent about their dangers. Also, when I told my Dr that because of these poisons I have zero libido and my sex drive is destroyed, she asked me how did I know that when I currently don't have a girlfriend?! It is absolutely criminal, these doctors should be convicted for what they did to us, but they can't even admit it.

Yes they are slanderous and he refuses to see the truth which is however real.  It suits them well I think.  It's a complete waste of time trying to make them understand.  But to give knowingly or unknowingly is gross malpractice, they will pay for it sooner or later the wheel turns bad people are always caught for what they do wrong.  Me now the only question I pause and pause here.  Anyway, I just want some opinions.  How will you handle the sequel?  We don't really have a choice.. wait.  And no one knows if it will come back one day, we are not seeing.  But I really wonder how I'm going to do it and how long I'm going to be able to endure this.  I even think that resuming the treatment is not possible in my case.  Even in pain it will pose a matter of conscience I have been tempted several times but given the damage it does I will not be able to see that I would be aware of the harm it has caused me.  I think waiting to fight every day I have no choice.  And sexually bah viagra or priligy do we have a choice?  So tempted that we face no harm yet

[Parisien]

I don't know how it's going for you but for me it's not easy I can't even work at the moment I'm really tired of nothing and my mood and my morale are at their lowest.  I swore to myself not to return but I'm really in trouble.  Even 1mg can relieve me do you think that if I take 1 or 2mg it will have a negative impact on my sexuality or shrinkage of the penis?  Or an antidepressant that does not negatively affect sexuality.  Because my life is on pause and it's too hard for me I can't do it.  I'm tired H24 and really irritable it's unbearable.  Tell me a bit how it goes for you at work, fatigue etc.

[Fairsome]

You are free to decide what's best for you. If you reinstate just a small amount of the antidepressant, I don't think it is going to cause that much trouble but maybe the moderators can give you a better advice.

 

I am struggling a lot... I have constant pain, my nervous system feels very dysregulated, sending the wrong signals everywhere, my penis is extremely shrunken, I also feel emotionally detached from everything. It's a hell. I still can't believe these pills can completely destroy somebody's life like that... How is this **** legal at all?! It makes me very angry because this would have never happened if I hadn't trusted the idiot doctors.

[Parisien]

Hello everyone, I would like to hear from everyone who has already posted here, how are you??  I have really hard days and others a little better.  I have noticed that working makes me feel good being active keeps me from thinking about the negative thing that the treatment is doing to me.  I still feel like somewhere else with blurred vision and brain fog difficulty concentrating.  But at the end of the day I feel less anxious less stressed than at the start of the day because I forced myself to try to be okay and that's the way to go I think.  I am also proud to have taken nothing for almost 4 months now.  I hope that over time I will be able to have normal vision again and no longer be disconnected from people.  How is it progressing at this level for you?  For the sexual part I decided not to think about it anymore and to put it on the sidelines.  I'm 31 years old, I'll do it again in two years.  I think the psychological side of thinking too much about it leads to bad things, even if it was the treatment that caused it in her cheek a little bit I think.  And the fact of being outside the treatment of being in withdrawal prolonging little make sure to go from a few seconds of ejaculation to several minutes over the years.  That's what I hope at least for me and for all the people here in this situation.  Keep me posted on your condition.  I have taken up sport again for the stress, it does me good and allows me to sleep a little better even if I no longer have as deep and restorative sleep as I had before taking this drug.  Take care of yourself

 

@Avicii @Ben190 @Fairsome @canaanstongue01 @Nicros etc

[Avicii]

I really don’t know what typ say…this is the hardest thing (by far) I have ever gone through. Every day is a complete struggle for survival. I work 100% and I workout everyday even though but I don’t want to do anything, I force myself everyday. 
 

I want my life back now, I want ME back. It’s been 15 months now and there is progress but I am soooo far from being normal.

 

The absolute hardest thing about this is that I have no one to talk to. I have no support at all….I don’t tell anyone anymore because they won’t understand anyway.

 

@ParisienI agree with you when it comes to the sexual part. I don’t care about that anymore, just give me my personality back and I’ll be happy.

 

I am doing some really intense HIT right now. 4 days a week I ski 9km on my roller skies. It gets my adrenaline going and I feel very good. Hopefully it gives me a faster healing in the long run.