HopingnWaiting: extreme emotions

[HopingNWaiting]

Hi Everyone,

I'm in a very dark, sad place and am in desperate need of some hope and light. 

 

Around 2014 or so, I was weaned off Lexapro and worked up to 100mg of Luvox with the help of a nurse practitioner.  I trusted this individual, but she didn't believe me when I was telling her that I was having some withdrawal symptoms (specifically in my eyes).  She told me it was all in my head as I had a history of being afraid of medications.  Deep down, I knew she was wrong so this lead me to step away from her and get my prescription from my primary care doctor.

A few months in, I realized it was causing me to have horrible stomach issues (severe constipation which would lead to diarrhea).  My mental health was of the utmost importance to me so I tried to find ways around the constipation.  This past summer, I could no longer stand it.  The constant pain, bloating and random bouts of diarrhea was causing me to experience even more anxiety!  I started to question if I had IBS.  Spoiler alert, I don't!  It was just a side effect as it completely went away now that I am no longer on Luvox.

In August of this year, I trusted my primary care doctor to start the wean process.  At the time, I didn't realize he was weaning me too quickly.  In October, I was stopped completely.  While dropping from 100mg - 50mg (Aug to Sep) - 25mg(Sep to Oct), I dealt with fairly common side effects like eye discomfort, dizziness, and mild brain fog.  During that time, I began to experience depression and sadness where I would burst into tears.  This has increased exponentially now that I am not on anything.  

 

I'm not sure how much more I can possibly take.  The crying is wreaking havoc on me.  I constantly ruminate on death.  My fear of dying as well as my loved ones.  The thoughts are dark and scare me.  I've always had a fear of death, but not quite like this.  

 

My other problem?  Due to all of this, I am lacking trust in medical professionals.  I keep asking how someone could do this to someone?  Also, Luvox did such a number on my stomach that I am apprehensive to go on anything again.  

I am scared, sad and full of distrust.  I don't know which way to turn anymore.

Thank you.

[Onmyway]

Dear @HopingNWaiting, 

welcome to Surviving Antidepressants. I am glad you found your way to us and on the road to healing. 

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time after stopping Luvox. It is not uncommon as our stories will tell you but you have put yourself in a better place by finding us and don't have to do it yourself. 

 

You are suffering from withdrawal symptoms and good for your for recognizing them. 

Because you are still not too far away from stopping the medicine, you can try reinstating a very small amount of it 1mg or so to take away some of the symptoms. It is possible that at that low dose it might not irritate your stomach but can help with other withdrawal symptoms. You would then stay at that dose for a few months and slowly taper over months/year to a very very low dose. 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

Please read through the thread and see how you feel about it. The potential benefits are that you will have an easier time, the risks are that it may make you feel worse. BUT if it does make you feel worse we would know quickly and we can stop it and we are reinstating a very small amount so the risks are limited. If you decided to go for it, we would try for a few days and if it doesn't get better stop. Usually if there are adverse reactions they would appear quickly. If you go for it, it is important to do it sooner rather than later and measure precisely either by diluting medicine into water or measuring with a jeweler's scale. 

Tips for tapering off Luvox (fluvoxamine) - Tapering - Surviving Antidepressants

 

There are a couple of other things that can help. We recommend magnesium and Omega-3 supplementation. It is important to start them at low dosages one at a time as sometimes in withdrawal we may have adverse reactions to drugs and supplements as our system is sensitized as we need to identify the culprit and stop them if needed. 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

 

Non-drug techniques to deal with emotional symptoms can also help. 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

 

It also helps to know what is happening and what to expect. These threads will help you make sense of your experiences. 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

What is happening in your brain? - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

How psychiatric drugs remodel your brain - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

 

And finally, this thread contains some success stories. Note that not everyone writes their success stories - most people never want to think of this period again after they have come through it. But this might give you hope. 

 Success stories: Recovery from psychiatric drug withdrawal - Surviving Antidepressants

 

And before I forget, can you please create a signature in which you put your drug history, especially for the last few years. As this may impact your symptoms and allows us to quickly see your history when we might be called to advise. As your thread grows we are not always able to look through it all - we are a handful of volunteers who are also going through our own withdrawal or tapering. 

 

How to List Drug History in Signature - Introductions and updates - Surviving Antidepressants

 

Welcome again @HopingNWaitingto our safe and supportive space. 

OMW

 

[HopingNWaiting]

Thank you.

I have been going through everything.  They want to put me on 10mg of Prozac to help stabilize me and I am scared.

[HopingNWaiting]

@Onmyway

 

I am a mess here.  Picked up my prescription for 10mg of Prozac and I am

not sure what to do.  I can’t tolerate these withdrawal symptoms any longer.  I feel like I am barely hanging on.

 

I don’t know which way to turn.  

[Onmyway]

I am so sorry to hear that you are suffering so badly @HopingNWaiting.

Our advice is to reinstate the drug that you were taking before rather than a different drug and at a low dosage. While both drugs are SSRIs, they are different enough that prozac may not 'cover' the fluvoxamine (Luvox) withdrawal - they hit slightly different receptors etc. 

 

One thing you could try doing before you go to prozac is try to take a small amount of fluvoxamine. Do you still have some pills lying around? Can you measure 1mg of fluvoxamine. Depending on what kinds of tablets you have, it will be by either counting beads, weighing tablets or dissolving in liquid. This will have instructions: 

Tips for tapering off Luvox (fluvoxamine) - Tapering - Surviving Antidepressants 

Why don't you try this for a couple of days. It is possible that at this low dose it will cover the withdrawal issues and make them bearable without hurting your stomach.

 

If you decide to go with prozac, why don't you start at a low dose and wait for about a week (prozac takes time to build up) to see how it impacts you. I would suggest something like 1mg again. If you get some relief you can increase more if need be later but this way you are protecting yourself from potential side effects. 

 

Let me know what you decide to do and hope this gets better. Remember that it will get better even if it doesn't feel that way now. Many of us went through horrible times before finding stability. You will find stability and happiness again too. 

 

OMW

[HopingNWaiting]

@Onmyway

 

I can’t thank you enough for responding to me.

 

I’m so so scared.  I was desperate and took the 10mg of Prozac to try and stabilize myself.  I’m overwhelmed by what to do and how to do it.  I can’t think straight.

 

I’m hoping this calms me and then I can try to research a Dr who will listen and help me taper properly.  
 

Then I really need to read and understand how to achieve these smaller doses.  It’s a lot of information that my brain cannot handle at the moment.

 

I just want to be OK again.  

[Onmyway]

Hi @HopingNWaiting, 

I hope that this works out well for you and that you get some respite. Please keep us updated on how you are doing. 

 

OMW

[HopingNWaiting]

@Onmyway

 

Thank you.

 

I took the 10mg of Prozac for the second time last night and began hysterically crying.

 

Today, with the help of my mom, we got someone to write a prescription for 1mg of Luvox and found a compounding pharmacy who can fulfill it.

 

Im anxious.  I’m so very scared still.  My life is hanging in the balance here.  I keep second guessing myself.

 

The Dr who prescribed said 1mg won’t do anything and I at least need 25mg.  We held firm though, but doubt has set in.

[Onmyway]

Hi @HopingNWaiting

that doctor is wrong. Lots of doctors are wrong about AD withdrawal. These drugs do not have a linear impact on the brain. For example, for Celexa (my drug) the SERT occupancy (a kind of measure of impact) is 80% at the regular dosage of 20 mg but about 50% at 5mg and about 30% at 1mg. What has happened since you have stopped your drugs is that your brain has adapted. Before you stop drugs you are in sort of a homeostasis - the brain has adjusted to the drug. You flood your brain with serotonin (through the way the drug works) and that makes the brain lower its sensitivity to serotonin to be in balance. When you take out the serotonin, your receptors are not downregulated (less sensitive) so you have a deficiency. They will upregulate in time but it will take a while for that to happen. [that's our best theory on what is happening]. But the serotonin system is connected to other systems - GABA/dopamine/norepinephrine/hormones/other stuff we don't know much about. So it has upset the balance even further. And in the meantime some adjustment has happened. So if you reinstate the full amount you are not going back to where things were - the system has now changed. What you are trying to do is you are trying to provide some soothing. BUT because the system is destabilized, this attempt at providing soothing might not work. For that reason we are trying a small amount - a 1mg to prevent from things going much much worse. So it's a safety approach and a harm reduction approach. 

 

So a few things. 

 

1) small doses are still very potent

2) system is destabilized and will need time to return to normal [BUT it will return to normal, the brain is plastic(rebalances - you can read about brain plasticity if you haven't heard about this term before) and from everyone's experience here things get better just slower than we wish]

3) with the 1 mg we're trying to soothe the system with minimal harm, sort of like dipping our feet in the water

 

It might be helpful to think of this as a trellis on which you are growing morning glory. You have yanked out the trellis and damaged the plant. It will find a new way but it will take some time. In the meantime, you are replacing the trellis with some support so the plant doesn't collapse completely. You sticking a new trellis there won't bring it back to its previous state. 

 

 

You can take these to your doctor to see the impact of small doses. 

Tapering of SSRI treatment to mitigate withdrawal symptoms - The Lancet Psychiatry

Why taper? SERT transporter occupancy studies show importance of gradual change in plasma concentration - Tapering - Surviving Antidepressants

 

I know you are very distraught right now but one thing you have to remember is that you will get through this. You will recover because the brain is incredibly resilient and adaptable - it finds a new balance. Your symptoms are actually your brain healing and recalibrating. This will explain. 

What is happening in your brain? - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

 

If it helps to read the success stories - I liked them to my first message on your thread. I went through a horrible time immediately after stopping my medicine, I had akathisia - wanted to get out of my skin, could not sleep, was on edge, agitated etc. I reinstated at 2.5mg (I did not know SA yet, and had I known it would have tried a smaller dose). The akathisia went away. I still was quite miserable for a while as I was reducing the medicine even further instead of waiting for stability but things got immeasurably better. Even a tiny dose made a huge difference. With you we can try 1 mg for a couple of days, if things don't get worse but you are still in a bad state we can try to increase a bit more. 

 

You can get through this - withdrawal teaches you that the things you didn't think you can bear and get through, you will. You will cry and then when you are done crying you will go on with your life. You will not be able to sleep for a day or two and then you will and in due time you will even forget about all of this. 

 

Hang in there, 

OMW

 

Edited December 16, 2021 by Onmyway

[HopingNWaiting]

@Onmyway

 

Thank you.  I read your last post and it has given me HOPE.  Something I did not have.  
 

When I feel like I am declining into sadness, I now reframe my thinking to say - your brain is healing!  I needed that so badly.

 

In some unfortunate news, my original doctor did not call in the 1mg prescription.

 

However, I did find a psychiatrist who is willing to work with me on this and has agreed to the 1mg plan.  The thing is, there is no opening until January 3rd.  
 

I am going to closely monitor myself for the next 2 weeks.  I’ve decided to improve my diet.  I may try to incorporate hot baths at night as well as meditation and yoga.  I will continue with no caffeine or alcohol.

 

My question is this…if I survive this next 2 weeks and I am not in horrific agony, should I try to reinstate and tamper?

 

I now know my spiral from a few days ago was caused by my menstrual cycle so I am reading up on tips to help.

 

This forum has been a Godsend.  So many angles including you onmyway!

 

Thank you again!

[Onmyway]

Hi @HopingNWaiting

that makes sense with the menstrual cycle worsening symptoms and I am glad that you are feeling more hopeful.

If it were me and you wanted to reinstate I would try to reinstate the fluvoxamine now - do you not have any tablets lying around that you could try to dissolve etc.? The tapering link shows how to do it. You can choose not to reinstate at all and that might be OK. But in general, the trend is that the further away you are from stopping, the less likely the reinstatement is to work. But there are exceptions to this and everyone is different so it could still work. 

 

If you are able to now please read through the links that I posted in the first posts - they will really help. 

So glad that you are feeling better!!! 
OMW

 

PS. If you are doing hot baths, many people including me find epsom salt baths very calming (they have magnesium). May be worth a try. 

[HopingNWaiting]

Hi @Onmyway

 

I have been going through the links and searching through the forums.

 

I’m weary to reinstate on my own.  What if I can’t get my hands on a prescription after I start using leftover pills by myself?  If I run out of leftovers and don’t find someone to help me, I won’t go through a proper taper.  
 

Finding someone who will prescribe 1mg and wean at 10% reduction every 4-5 weeks has been difficult.  Especially with the holidays approaching.

The latest person I spoke with said they would follow what I suggested, but seemed to want me to go back on Lexapro.  She said this may be withdrawal or my symptoms.  After reading here, I know this to be withdrawal, but I said I am only open to Luvox at 1mg then tapering.  She agreed to try that.

 

Medical professionals don’t seem to believe me.  They want me to either try a new medication or go too high back on Luvox.

 

How do people find someone who will actually help them?  It’s frustrating when you know time is of the essence.

 

[Onmyway]

Hi @HopingNWaiting

I completely understand the frustrating with doctors. When I wanted to switch to a liquid citalopram I had a 20min fight with my GP (to whom I was a relatively new patient) who refused to believe in withdrawal. I cried in the end and he ended up prescribing it for a month. In his case he wanted to save money for the NHS and the liquid version was much more expensive! Luckily that is when the article in the Lancet came out so I told him about it. He ended up apologizing to me a few months later after having read the article - it actually made me respect him much more. If you reinstate now and can't get a prescription for a 1mg pill later, you can always get a prescription for the full dosage and just make your own liquid. It is one solution that some people use here. It is hard to find a doctor who is supportive of withdrawal and is willing to supervise it so we work around it in a way. 

How are you feeling these days? 

OMW

 

 

[HopingNWaiting]

Hi @Onmyway

I'm sorry you had to go through that with your GP, but good on you for speaking up!  I am learning to advocate for myself better with this process.  

How is your day to day now?

Yesterday was a nice day.  A window, I guess!  Wasn't perfect, but it was something. 

I've been doing a lot of soul searching and researching on AD W/D and I'm not sure I could reinstate at this point.  I feel as if I am developing a very real phobia/anxiety to putting that back into my body.  I get sick to my stomach thinking about it.  It's eye-opening and disheartening to see how many there are of us.  

 

Any brain fog, dizziness or eye issues seem to still be gone.  It's only the depression, feeling slightly numb/subdued at times and intrusive thoughts.  I had some of this pre-AD, but post-AD has intensified it A LOT.  I'm thinking of finding a therapist to speak to about the thoughts in my head, but talking about it makes me cry.  It's all about time and loved ones.  The fear of growing old and being alone.  The fear and sadness of missing a loved one.  Death in general.  Just typing it out has brought tears to my eyes.  This is something that was always in the back of my head, but it is so magnified at the moment.  

I was a God focused person a month ago, but the W/D has stripped me of my faith.  It's unreal what this does to a person.  I feel like I have been shaken to the core.  

I've changed my diet though.  I still get out of bed and work.  Just going a lot more slowly and carefully these days.

[HopingNWaiting]

I am someone that is developing a real phobia of medications.  Between trusting my doctor to taper me properly off Luvox as well as another incident in my 20s where I was given antibiotics and developed C-Diff that went untreated for close to a year (that incident led to my Celiac diagnosis as well as anxiety/panic attacks with led me to be medicated).  I feel so duped by the medical world at the moment.  

With that said, I'm really trying to wrap my head around the fact that I may need to reinstate at 1mg.  I start to get nauseous when I think of putting this back into my body.  I want to throw up just thinking about it.

I've been reading BrassMonkey's method and looking at the calculator, but I am so confused.  How do people do this?  I am reading, but don't feel like I am absorbing anything.  I have to keep myself from crying as I feel so overwhelmed and have no idea what to do anymore.  I am so scared.  I hate these heightened emotions.  I am a shell of my former shelf.
 

[HopingNWaiting]

Wednesday was a horrific crying day for me.  So far, the last few days have been nice.  Not crying,  but I can feel the sadness somewhere deep inside me.  I have to take everything slowly.  I’m laughing which is nice!  The instrusive thoughts aren’t as loud, but still there.  
 

I want to wake up from this nightmare.

[HopingNWaiting]

Another manageable day today.  I’ve changed my diet and this does seem to help.

[HopingNWaiting]

I’m not sure if anyone is reading this?  I’m continuing my diet and have continued to have nice manageable days.  Praying with everything I have that it continues to get better.

[Jennings]

People are reading.  There are a lot of people on this site that don't reply much.  

 

You're already having good days so hopefully it stays that way.

 

If you have some really bad days again look back at these days and know it will pass.

 

I'm not on here that much anymore but I saw your thread and wanted to offer support.

 

I've also lost faith in the medical community after being given psych meds after telling my doctor I was having stress at work during a routine physical.  I was never anxious or depressed.  I took a med and ended up in withdrawal and then had an adverse reaction.  I was then gaslit into believing I had developed an anxiety disorder and ended up on meds for years.

 

Having good days this early is a really good sign.

[Believer]

Hi @HopingNWaiting,

This is great news, that your feeling better. I think the holidays can cause some upset for some of us, even when not in withdrawal.

 

What changes have you made to your diet? I know that sugar can sometimes greatly increase my symptoms, so have tried to cut way back them.

 

Keep up the hope!

 

Believer

[HopingNWaiting]

19 minutes ago, Jennings said:

People are reading.  There are a lot of people on this site that don't reply much.  

 

You're already having good days so hopefully it stays that way.

 

If you have some really bad days again look back at these days and know it will pass.

 

I'm not on here that much anymore but I saw your thread and wanted to offer support.

 

I've also lost faith in the medical community after being given psych meds after telling my doctor I was having stress at work during a routine physical.  I was never anxious or depressed.  I took a med and ended up in withdrawal and then had an adverse reaction.  I was then gaslit into believing I had developed an anxiety disorder and ended up on meds for years.

 

Having good days this early is a really good sign.

@Jennings

 

Thanks for popping in.  It feels good to chat with people who get it.  I hate that anyone has to go through this, but at least we have a safe space here.  I would have went to pieces without this site.

 

I sincerely appreciate your support and hope you are well.

 

 

[HopingNWaiting]

19 minutes ago, Believer said:

Hi @HopingNWaiting,

This is great news, that your feeling better. I think the holidays can cause some upset for some of us, even when not in withdrawal.

 

What changes have you made to your diet? I know that sugar can sometimes greatly increase my symptoms, so have tried to cut way back them.

 

Keep up the hope!

 

Believer

@Believer

 

Hi and thanks for replying.  
 

Due to Celiac, I was already gluten free so it put me at an advantage with my diet.  Who knew Celiac would come in handy! Ha!

 

I’ve stopped caffeine and was never really a person who enjoyed alcohol.  I’m avoiding dairy, but still have a bit (very small amounts).  I was afraid my body wouldn’t be able to handle dairy if I stopped completely.  I hope to reintroduce it one day.

 

No GF breads or pastas right now.  No things like GF cookies or anything.  I try to avoid things with sugar.

 

Since we need to be careful with supplements, I decided to eat foods rich in Omega 3 and Magnesium as well as B vitamins. 

Lots of fish, turkey, brown rice, leafy greens  and other vegetables.  Also loving sweet potatoes.  I eat some blueberries and strawberries as well.  Some beans are good too.  
 

I look at food as my medicine that is healing my brain.  Changed my whole mindset.  I’m no expert on nutrition as my diet was horrible before all this, but I sincerely believe it is helping me. 
 

Hope you are doing well!

[manymoretodays]

Hi there HopingnWaiting,

I am reading too.  I saw your posting and had wanted to get back here, and now am.

On 12/29/2021 at 11:10 AM, HopingNWaiting said:

I’m not sure if anyone is reading this?  I’m continuing my diet and have continued to have nice manageable days.  Praying with everything I have that it continues to get better.

 

This is awesome ^

Can you fill me in on if you reinstated and stayed with it, or did you decide to go without any reinstatement.  I was reading some of the posts between you and Onmyway above, through the middle of this month.

 

Good days and good news like manageable days is great to read about.  Thank you.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[HopingNWaiting]

16 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi there HopingnWaiting,

I am reading too.  I saw your posting and had wanted to get back here, and now am.

 

This is awesome ^

Can you fill me in on if you reinstated and stayed with it, or did you decide to go without any reinstatement.  I was reading some of the posts between you and Onmyway above, through the middle of this month.

 

Good days and good news like manageable days is great to read about.  Thank you.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Hi @manymoretodays,

 

Thanks for responding.  I ultimately did not reinstate.  I don’t recommend my path at all.  Wish I had known of this website before I started this journey.

 

To be honest, I am scared out of my mind to put that back into my body.  Absolutely terrifies me.  Second, I am still finding it difficult to find a medical professional who would take the slow taper journey with me.  Third, the do it yourself liquid instructions confused me LOL!  Everyday I pray that I made the right decision.
 

A week ago, I had a horrific day of crying uncontrollably and haven’t since.  My diet has become my medicine in a sense.  It isn’t perfect and I don’t feel 100%, but I am not weeping non stop which is nice.  I still have ugly intrusive thoughts, sadness and some numbness as well as some crying, but I can get up in the morning and I can still laugh.  I am mentally tired of this fight and wondering when it will end.  
 

Part of me wants all of us to ban together and shout this from the rooftops.  It angers and saddens me to think this is allowed by pharmaceutical companies and medical professionals.  Horrifies me.  No one should have to endure this.

 

 

 

[manymoretodays]

Oh good, that all sound good HopingnWaiting,

Things are not perfect, but you are soldiering through and noticing the laughter when it's there, and sobbing less.

How are you doing with cognitive stuff......math and financials, or even crossword puzzles ?

Are you getting some outside time in, and at least gentle exercise?

 

And yes, I know, it all seems so atrocious at times......the lack of recognition for this, the slow-ness of getting more who should be taking responsibility for what they dole out educated around de-prescribing, the lack of full disclosure even when we are first given our first psychiatric drug.........oh boy......don't get ME started!!!

 

I wouldn't recommend my path either HnW........I mean the way I went about some of my tapers.  Forgive yourself though.  Me, I really did not know.....nor did my prescribers..........and chances are you did not either........know how to mitigate any WD.

 

Well, sounds like a bright 2022 may be in your future.  Happy New Year.

Keep on coming round too, updating, encouraging and supporting others, and learning.......

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[HopingNWaiting]

On 12/31/2021 at 10:17 AM, manymoretodays said:

Oh good, that all sound good HopingnWaiting,

Things are not perfect, but you are soldiering through and noticing the laughter when it's there, and sobbing less.

How are you doing with cognitive stuff......math and financials, or even crossword puzzles ?

Are you getting some outside time in, and at least gentle exercise?

 

And yes, I know, it all seems so atrocious at times......the lack of recognition for this, the slow-ness of getting more who should be taking responsibility for what they dole out educated around de-prescribing, the lack of full disclosure even when we are first given our first psychiatric drug.........oh boy......don't get ME started!!!

 

I wouldn't recommend my path either HnW........I mean the way I went about some of my tapers.  Forgive yourself though.  Me, I really did not know.....nor did my prescribers..........and chances are you did not either........know how to mitigate any WD.

 

Well, sounds like a bright 2022 may be in your future.  Happy New Year.

Keep on coming round too, updating, encouraging and supporting others, and learning.......

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

@manymoretodays

Hope you had a lovely New Year's Eve!  Happy New Year!

I need to start paying close attention to the mid-afternoon (3-5:00 or so).  A pattern may or may not be emerging where I cry at least once during that time.

I have OCD and I have always been so focused on time and change.  Withdrawal took my biggest fear and just BLEW IT UP.  All I can think about is time now.  Time passing.  Loved one's passing.  When will I pass?  Will I be alone?  How much time is there left?

I've put a call out to so many therapists and hoping someone gets back to me this week who will understand OCD as well as withdrawals.  I need to talk to someone who can try to help me sort these sad and intrusive thoughts.  It's like finding a needle in a haystack.

The hardest part is not knowing WHEN I will be fully healed.  Unknowns are difficult.  I don't want to get this huge setback in my recovery.  I see it happens to people and I live in fear of this consuming me again.  Or worse...will I always be like this?  I have to say I am nearing month 3 since stopping meds and I am managing.  It's hard, but I am managing.  Just mentally exhausted most days.

I'm still doing my bills and whatnot.  I'm doing more chores around the house which is nice.  I was always so on top of that and withdrawals knocked me down so hard.  I lost who I am.  Trying to find her again.  What seems to hurt the most is I lost my faith.

Just got to get myself MOVING more.  I leave the house here and there, but the cold weather and Covid keeps me at home more.  I don't even have motivation to go for walks.  

Signed up for a free 30 day Youtube yoga challenge.  Today is Day 1 and I need to get going on that.  

Back to work for me tomorrow.  Not looking forward to it, but it will keep my mind active.  I am so thankful I can work from home.  Not sure how anyone in withdrawals is able to physically go into an office for 40+ hours a week.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings,
HnW


 

[HopingNWaiting]

I am still hanging in there.   Moment by moment.  Day by day.

On Monday, I started a YouTube 30 Day Yoga Challenge for all levels.  That is giving me motivation to get me out of the bed in the mornings.  Pre-withdrawal, I would wake up before work - exercise - get washed and dressed.  I stopped when I started feeling so badly.  It feels good to be back into that routine.

I started coloring, doing crossword puzzles and may take up Duolingo. 

Virtually met a new therapist yesterday.  She agrees that withdrawals do exist, but I am still lacking trust as to how much she believes in it.  That will take time for me to trust a medical professional again.  She asked me to journal and see if I like it.  I did an entry today and will see if this is something I want to continue.

Still crying here and there,  but I find I can control it a tad more.  Intrusive thoughts about the purpose of life, death and time are still running in my head.  Not as intense which I really nice.  They seem quieter.

Sleep is good thus far. 

 

I seem to be reacting well to the 500mg of Evening Primrose Oil.  Hoping this helps with the PMDD my menstrual cycle caused me last month.

[manymoretodays]

Hi HopingnWaiting,

Have you tried either the magnesium or omega3's/fish oil yet?

I see the links to the topics above.

And then, if or when you do just start with one, start low, and go slow so you might know how it effects you.

I have had good luck with both.

I think I started with Magnesium, and did find it calming.

And then later started with the Omega3's.  I didn't think I tolerated them from a previous trial, when still medicated, but actually did tolerate them, and do just fine on them now.

 

And good on you, to keep track of your periods, and the PMDD symptoms.  I hope that those improve too.  If you are fairly regular now, I would think it helpful to know when symptoms might come on, of the premenstrual variety........as then you are prepared and not so surprised.  But ugh.......menopause was a blessing for me......my premenstrual stuff was downright crazy sometimes.  The joys.

 

I'm reading and listening.  And happy to hear about your Yoga challenge too.  I need to get my practice in order, speaking of Yoga.....better order.  I did go ski this week, and hopefully weekly from here on out.  So nice to be out on the mountain.  The skies were blue and the Sun was shining.  Could have fooled me that it was so cold.  I might have overdone it a bit, but recovering nicely.  Could not help myself.

 

Keep posting and updating.  Go off visiting to lend support to some of the others too.......that can be good for healing.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[HopingNWaiting]

This past week marked roughly 3 months off Luvox.

 

I am continuing my diet which seems to have had the biggest positive impact (I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH - feel free to ask me questions).  Still doing yoga, coloring, crossword and word searches as well as journaling a bit (therapist recommended).  I’ve done two tele appointments with my therapist thus far.  Dipped my toe into meditation now!  Working still and being remote has been a Godsend.

 

I am still taking 50mg of Evening Primrose Oil as well as 500mg of Vit C (will change to extended release when my bottle runs out).  I purchased Doctor’s Best 100 mg Chelated Magnesium.  When that arrives, I will cut it down to 25 mg to start.  I’ve had bad experiences with Magnesium in the past so I hope it goes better this time around.

 

Trying to eat foods rich in Omega 3 for now.

 

My period is due any day.  Last month, it threw me into the DARKEST and SCARIEST time.  In hindsight, it was building and my period just magnified it.  I can say I am doing much better this cycle.
 

I may not be 100%, but a lot of me has come back.  Still have a lot of work to put in, but I am managing so much better.

 

The intrusive thoughts bring me down, but they aren’t as loud or as frequent in my head.  
 

I am trying to pay it forward by advocating for diet changes on different withdrawal Facebook groups.  I understand it may not work for everyone, but it may just help.  Honestly, I wouldn’t believe diet helps unless I lived it.  
 

I also direct people here.  This site has been my Google!  I search and read as much as I can.  What a wealth of knowledge and support.  God bless this site!  A safe haven!
 

I am more than happy to talk to anyone!  Not an expert.  Just trying to share what I have done in hopes that it helps someone else.

 

We will beat this.  This won’t be forever.

 

[HopingNWaiting]

I’m trying to do everything right to help myself.

 

I’m eating healthy, doing yoga, journaling, therapy and am trying meditation.  
 

I feel terrible though.  I was doing OK and I have just fallen apart.  I am collapsing under my intrusive thoughts.

 

I feel like I am in hell and I can’t get out.  
 

I’m scared and I feel all alone.  I can’t stop crying.

[HopingNWaiting]

Trying to read success stories, but the fear of the unknown is getting to me.

 

Not knowing if I will get better.  Not knowing if worse symtoms may appear.  Not knowing if I will get worse.  When will I get better? Did I make the right choices?  
 

 

[HopingNWaiting]

I started 25mg of chelated magnesium on Saturday night.  Yesterday (Tuesday) and this morning, I notice I feel somewhat flush and anxious for a few hours.  Wondering if there is a correlation there.

It's nothing unbearable, but it is uncomfortable.

[manymoretodays]

Hi HopingNWaiting,

How was the flush and anxious related to the timing of when you took your Magnesium?

I mean was it shortly after?  Anything else you had taken around the same time?

 

What form of Magnesium is it?

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

^ is one of the longer threads, most of the salient information should be in the first couple of posts there though

 

And oh sweetie, I know, I know.........you are trying real hard.  Just go to: " yes, I will get better and improve".    "Change the channel".

So many techniques to try too.  You'll see the whole indexed list in this post I quoted below.

And best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[Greatful]

@HopingNWaiting  I love your name   We should al be hopingnwaiting   1, 2, 3, 4, ..............2000+  We are all hoping and waiting to heal.

 

I wanted to stop by and tell you that you are doing a remarkable job trying to weave your way through this mid field of WD and all that it throws at us.....   I would guess you are going into a wave right now....Did you read about them?  I know you said you have been reading a lot here on SA.

I bet you found treads on obsessive thinking, intrusive thoughts, ocd, and many other wd related symptoms  on Symptoms and Self-Care forum.........and there are a lot and strange one you would never connect  to WD or adverse affects from the drugs. 

 

I am so impressed with how fast you took control of your situation and are learning about how to take care of yourself.   I think meditation is a good thing to learn.  Not just for WD but how to be objective  about your thoughts and how to observe them without engaging in a dialog/argument with them.  I do a guided ones and have done the quietly watching your breath and acknowledging the thought and refocusing on the breath.

Here is a link to the Mindful Movement meditations   they have a lot of different topic that they guide you through in Meditation

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=the+mindful+movement

 

Here is a link to http://Happiness Frequency: Serotonin, Dopamine, Endorphin Release Music, Binaural Beats Meditation Music

Here is link to Baylissa Frederick website...https://baylissa.com/

She went through acute and protracted WD from benzo's.  She has a lot of help full things on her website.....meditation, webinars, give it a look

 

Remember you are not alone.  You can heal.❤️

 

 

Edited January 26, 2022 by Greatful

[HopingNWaiting]

On 1/26/2022 at 12:49 PM, manymoretodays said:

Hi HopingNWaiting,

How was the flush and anxious related to the timing of when you took your Magnesium?

I mean was it shortly after?  Anything else you had taken around the same time?

 

What form of Magnesium is it?

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

^ is one of the longer threads, most of the salient information should be in the first couple of posts there though

 

And oh sweetie, I know, I know.........you are trying real hard.  Just go to: " yes, I will get better and improve".    "Change the channel".

So many techniques to try too.  You'll see the whole indexed list in this post I quoted below.

And best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Hi nmt,

Hope you are doing well.

Thankfully, no flush or anxious feelings today. I take it around 8:00pm every night so perhaps it was something else?  

I've had a bad reaction to Magnesium in the past (diarrhea) so I tried to study the thread on here as well as possible! 

 

I selected Doctors Best High Absorption Magnesium 100% chelated.  I am cutting the pill down into 25mg to start.

Still trying out meditation, but I haven't found anything that I really like.  Still not sleeping that well.  Trying various things suggested with no real success yet.

Very cold where I am, but 10 minute walks have been nice.

My menstrual cycle knocks me down.  I've been trying to read up on what to do, but I am at a loss there.  It seems to be my biggest enemy with withdrawals.

 

[HopingNWaiting]

23 hours ago, Greatful said:

@HopingNWaiting  I love your name   We should al be hopingnwaiting   1, 2, 3, 4, ..............2000+  We are all hoping and waiting to heal.

 

I wanted to stop by and tell you that you are doing a remarkable job trying to weave your way through this mid field of WD and all that it throws at us.....   I would guess you are going into a wave right now....Did you read about them?  I know you said you have been reading a lot here on SA.

I bet you found treads on obsessive thinking, intrusive thoughts, ocd, and many other wd related symptoms  on Symptoms and Self-Care forum.........and there are a lot and strange one you would never connect  to WD or adverse affects from the drugs. 

 

I am so impressed with how fast you took control of your situation and are learning about how to take care of yourself.   I think meditation is a good thing to learn.  Not just for WD but how to be objective  about your thoughts and how to observe them without engaging in a dialog/argument with them.  I do a guided ones and have done the quietly watching your breath and acknowledging the thought and refocusing on the breath.

Here is a link to the Mindful Movement meditations   they have a lot of different topic that they guide you through in Meditation

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=the+mindful+movement

 

Here is a link to http://Happiness Frequency: Serotonin, Dopamine, Endorphin Release Music, Binaural Beats Meditation Music

Here is link to Baylissa Frederick website...https://baylissa.com/

She went through acute and protracted WD from benzo's.  She has a lot of help full things on her website.....meditation, webinars, give it a look

 

Remember you are not alone.  You can heal.❤️

 

 

Hi Greatful,

I spend a lot of my time on here researching.  It's been a blessing.  Just about any topic...there it is!

It appears my menstrual cycle is throwing me into a wave.  No matter what I seem to implement, it just keeps knocking me down.  

My therapist is also very vocal about me meditating.  I am trying various ones, but nothing is sticking so far.

Appreciate you suggesting Mindful Medication.  I will be sure to check it out!

I signed up for Baylissa's emails the other day.  Lovely that she retired, but wish I could have asked her to coach me!  Didn't realize how expansive her website it so I will go back to that.

I feel as if I spend most of my time scouring the web and it can get exhausting.  I was in a few Facebook groups for AD withdrawal, but they were starting to scare me.  Have to be careful what I am reading.

Thank you for the lovely message.  It means so much to me to come here and be supported.  I sincerely hope I am able to do the same for someone else one day.  Just need to get stronger.

Anxiously waiting for Spring!