Hopefull Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Just stopping by to say "hi". Hope you are well. Thank you for stopping by my thread . I really appreciate it. Hopefull. DRUG HISTORY: November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction). January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey). January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering. October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg. September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed. September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised. February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. Link to comment
AliG Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Hi Dave, Thank you so much for your words of hope & encouragement , on my thread. It means a lot to me & I always find a lot of positivity in your writing. I know you've been through a great deal, but it seems to have strengthened you. They do say, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". You're a good example of that. I hope you continue to heal, and to thrive. Love, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Pugknows Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Dear Dave, Before I left, I wanted to thank you for all the times you have encouraged and consoled me on this forum during my darkest hours. You not only have been a candle in the pitch blackness of withdrawal for me, but for every single person you have touched on this forum. I have tears in my eyes while I write this because I am so overwhelmed by your generosity, your compassion and your intimate connection to the human spirit. You have this gift that enables you to touch and speak to a person's soul, the real "self" hidden inside the earth-bound body full of pain and despair. Please continue your purpose on this earth--imparting your words of kindness and reassurance to inspire, comfort and nourish those who are suffering. Nobody I've ever met has your unique eloquence, deep empathy and this ability you have to cover the shoulders of others with a spiritual warm blanket of soothing relief for the soul. God bless you, Dave. I'm 62 years old and finally met an angel on this earth! Thank you. Love, Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Dave, I agree 100% with what Pug wrote. I wanted to express the same, but couldn't find the right words. And she did it perfectly. You are an angel and I'm so glad to have met you. You do have a very special and unique gift. Gog bless you Dave I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ten0275 Posted September 21, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted September 21, 2015 Pugknows and bluebalu86,your sentiments mean a great deal to me, i want you to know that, and i am rather speechless in terms of any sort of coherent response. so let me simply say "thank you." today is a day when i needed a lift and both of you have aided me in this ascension.i am without question humbled to be a moderator on this site, i've said it before. administrators, moderators, and community members make this a true place of refuge for so many in this age when psychiatric drugs are very quickly supplied, but knowledge in alleviating their damage and withdrawing from them safely is sorely lacking. this is the place where healing starts - i truly believe that. i look at some of the posts from my fellow moderators and am fairly blown away - often. people arrive here battered and worn, their histories are displayed before us all. we've all be there. soon, they begin to stabilize, even if only a little, and then it is onward from there. for some, it takes longer than for others. but the balm of compassion is not confined by the parameters of time. whether withdrawal is a 10 week ordeal or a 10 year ordeal, patience, and tender loving care within patience, is necessary and available. the whole community here readily welcomes those who are are sisters and brothers in this pain we unfortunately bear in common. and while the site is not without its turbulence and ripples - as truly can be expected in a forum where so much suffering is carried - i think overwhelmingly, this is a respite for those who are hurting, healing, and helping. what a place this is. it's an honor to share space with you.pug, you referred to a "spiritual warm blanket of soothing relief for the soul." i mean that makes me want to weep right here at my work desk. because that is what i felt i sorely needed during my own darkest hours. i wasn't aware of this site at that time and if i had been, i would have sought for answers and care here. as i find myself in a better place of healing and existence now, some three-plus years after my entire world exploded, i am glad to offer any solace, knowledge, or relief i have gained in my own progression.thank you so much.hang in there,dave 1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞 Link to comment
Hopefull Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 Hi Dave, Do you still experience waves and windows? Have the waves become less frequent? DRUG HISTORY: November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction). January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey). January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering. October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg. September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed. September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised. February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. Link to comment
calithebold Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 Hi Dave Long time no see. I've been gone a long while but I'm glad to see you here. It brings me comfort All medications:: Xanax (1995-96), Aropax (1995-96), Mellaril (1997-2000), Efexor (1997-2002), Seroquel (2000-now), Lithium Carbonate (2000-now), Avanza (2002-05), Epilim (2005), Seroquel-XR (2000-now), Zyprexa (2002-14), Raberprazole (2000-now prn), Crestor (2009-15), Gabapentin (2009-12), Lamictal (2010-now), Abilify (2011-now) Lyrica (2012-now), Diazepam (2010-now prn), Saphris (2014), Respiridone (2014), Chlorpromazine (2014) Neulatil (07/2016) Current medications: Lithium Carbonate 750mg; Seroquel-XR 600mg, 800mg 04/16, 600mg 04/16, 400mg 04/16, 200mg 04/16, 400mg 04/16, 500mg 04/16; Lamictal 250mg 200mg150mg 04/16; Lyrica 300mg; Abilify 20mg 30mg 11/15 Zoloft 25mg 04/16 ceased after a week due to severe suicidal thoughts; Seroquel 25mg prn; Diazepam 40mg CT Jan 2013, 5mg occasionally, (massive med changes in April 2016 due to a hospital admission). Supplements: Fish oil 4000mg, Magnesium 100mg , Niacinamide 1000mg, Slippery Elm 800mg , B12 1000mcg, Zinc 50mg, B6 100mg, Vitamin D 2000IU, Calcium 1200mg, P5P 100mg, Vitamin C 2000mg, Vitamin E 400IU Link to comment
starburst Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I've really enjoyed reading through your thread Dave. It is stories like your own that give me the strength to get through this last part of my long journey. I too have always been an anxious person, even as a young girl. Instead of medicating that side of me I am learning to deal with those issues in a more natural way. Unlike you I have fallen prey to substance abuse that I thought would help me through this battle. It didn't and I'm kicking it out of my life! Thank You for sharing so eloquently. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ten0275 Posted October 1, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 1, 2015 everyone, hello.greetings and my very best wishes to each of you from a very autumnal eastern united states. as i write, the foliage that has hung shimmering-green through a lovely, albeit fleeting, summer is gearing up to explode into a variety of reds, oranges, and yellows before a final float to crinkly mulch. the air is crisper, the days seem more desperate - as if they themselves have been implored to hold onto something - and the early-to-arrive night sky is absolutely illuminated with stars. this is my favorite of all seasons. i walk around in a daze of slightly stoic, but also expectant, contemplation. perhaps because i was born into this season. or perhaps because i am simply human.today marks my final day of being in my 30s. by my observations about average life expectancies, that puts me somewhere near the 50 yard-line of life - to use a football (american) metaphor. the halfway. and i tell you this to highlight the following: i am so thankful to be alive. it is as simple, yet in some ways vast, as that. i am happy to sit here in my office, working, drinking water and coffee in rotation, listening to john coltrane, and drawing breath into my lungs. when i was where a lot of you are in the process, i wasn't so sure - rather i was absolutely unconvinced - that i would make it to these years.in the darkest pit of withdrawal - the early months and even beyond - everything was tangled. i couldn't make sense of anything. if i wasn't obsessing over how to self-terminate, i was in such a state of unrest that i continued to make poor decision after poor decision that seemed to push me towards an untimely end. i was vulnerable - to myself and others. i thought i was unsafe, so i self-admitted to the hospital - twice. this led me to try risperidone, seroquel, abilify, gabapenten, prozac, buspirone, and ultimately an insane reinstatement dose of mirtazapine. it took that much try-this/try-that to gain the knowledge that the chemicals that hurt me were not going to fix me. i won't rehash the whole story - i've written about it over and over in this thread and elsewhere. but in the middle of that whole period of destruction, i was not convinced i would be alive - and i was not convinced that i wanted to be alive. because i had convinced myself that i was an outlier who would never heal. others would, but not me. i was different. i had underlying conditions that separated me from all those who would make progress. windows weren't coming for me the same way they were coming for others. i was sinking. my friends and loved ones were leaving in droves. my employment was compromised. my self worth was... wait, what is self worth? like that. i had no faith or confidence in the healing process. getting reassurance from others, while helpful, began to lose potency as the days bled out. reassurance became another drug of sorts - and i had developed a tolerance to it. where reassurance once would throw me into a window and carry me days, i almost needed a minute-by-minute hit from those that sought to help me. it was what i needed at that time and i am not ashamed of it. but i had stalled.a turning point of sorts came from the very pit of the desperation. when it seemed i had bottomed out. i was literally sitting in the middle of a room on the floor and said "uck (with the f up front) this." audibly. i said it out loud. and at first, i didn't even know what i was aiming it at! was i aiming it at my own seemingly pathetic existence? was i aiming it at the way others were treating me? was i aiming it at???? so i thought about it. and i thought about it. and i ultimately decided that while i was most certainly a victim of a crazypants drug-prescribing-machine gone awry, i was not going to continue holding myself to the template of victim. do you see what i am saying? i did not invalidate that i was a victim. i just decided that so much as it was within my control, i was no longer going to be victimized. "uck (with the f up front) that!"and that was a seed of moving away from the trenches that i had absolutely been led to, but had, in truth, started to dig deeper myself, albeit unwittingly. and it led me to try and do one thing in my life different daily, to break out of a quickly solidifying mold. while i obeyed my symptoms so as to not exacerbate them, i pushed myself in acceptable ways. i started by dumping harmful doctors and seeking helpful ones. exercise as much as possible - which started out as a sort of hobble 50 yards to my mailbox. extreme caution in food consumption. etc. etc. one thing different a day. and i journaled it to keep myself honest. and often it sucked and felt terrible. but it had to be done.you are stronger than you know. whether you have come from the horror of abuse or from the most tranquil of origins. whether you cold-turkeyed or are in it for the long-haul slow-taper. whether your withdrawal burns hot as hell or is a mild-to-mediocre disturbance to your daily goings-on - you are without question equipped to handle it - though i know it feels quite the opposite. how much suffering can we humans take? i asked myself this a lot earlier in withdrawal. "how much can i take?!" the answer is, a lot. and i while i hope you don't have to take much at all, or much more, i wish you to know that you can persevere to better days. i had zero faith in myself. zero. oh, was i wrong. put your finger on your wrist - feel the blood coursing through it - there is your power. your life.i need to wrap this up. standing on the 50 yard-line, i am happy to be alive. i am still on mirtazapine. i am happy to be alive. a low dose that hurts to tinker with. i am happy to be alive. i am still vulnerable. i am happy to be alive. i am still unsure if i'll ever truly be able to leave it behind altogether. i am happy to be alive. but i have healed a great deal - more than my wildest dreams held possible. and i am happy to be... alive.i feel better now than i did any year i was medicated - which was all but a few of my entire life thus far. and this gives me not only happiness to be alive, but a flame of optimism that burns baby, burns.to you, i hold out a candle with this flame of optimism. tip yours to it and take some of the flame. empower yourself. seek support as you need, but begin constructing yourself as best you can. 100% effort doesn't always mean a total and quick fix. but 100% effort is without question 100% success. because it is entirely you. living.please thrive and as always - hang in there,davehopefull: yes, still windows and waves on occasion. most always windows though. like 95% of the time. it used to be entirely the opposite. almost never windows, only waves.calithebold: hi! so nice to hear from you and to read you are coming into a better place. working on any new zines?princessstarburst: thank you for your kind words and for sharing a bit of your own journey. congratulations on your determination! and particularly from ceasing self-medication - absolutely critical in my humble opinion. take good care of the brain/nervous system. please persist despite the temptations that may occur! 1 1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞 Link to comment
Prestorb Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Well said, brother, well said! :-) Oh, and Happy Birthday!!! I remember turning 40 - seems like ages ago now! ;-) 2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety: 2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression: 2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep: 1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness: 2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD: 2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING: 3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero): 4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!): 4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016) 5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16: 4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD): Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety 7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too! Link to comment
tgirl Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Happy Birthday Dave!! April 2014 remeron 45mg. June 2014 abilify 2.5 remeron wasn't working so abilify was then added September 2014 woke up with anxiety x 100!!!! Pdoc then took me from 45 to 7.5 within a month and took abilify from 2.5 to 0 Currently Remeron 7.5 Vitamin d 5,000 iu taking for about 3 years October 2014 added fish oil/omega 3 1000 mg per day Levothyroxitine 100 10 years or so Dec 2014 started tapering 10% every 10 days-no problems. August 2015 down to 0.1 mg Woke up with severe anxiety-sleep issues-racing thoughts-depression. 9/9/15 up dose 1 mg. Link to comment
LexAnger Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 happy Birthday Dave! I never said hi to you even I followed you from your first ever introduction and I was amazed by the wise writing you posted, The most important and the best is, you recovered from this incredible setback and are continuing recovering. Enjoy all that life can offer to the most deserved! Best, LexA Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
direstraits Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Happy Birthday,Dave! so happy for how far you've come;that's wonderful...the best is yet to come...Oh to be 40 again! wishing you all the best going forward... hugs,ds went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted October 1, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 1, 2015 Dave, Never written on your thread but I've read your words before. I had to comment because that was beautiful and so well written. Congratulations on all you have achieved so far. It's also my middle daughter's birthday. As Pooh famously said, "many happy returns of the day." Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
calithebold Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Hi Dave I'm glad to hear you are in a such a good space right now and happy birthday too. No zines in the making, just lots of reading. I'm writing a book of short stories right now and just laying low. Just relaxing All medications:: Xanax (1995-96), Aropax (1995-96), Mellaril (1997-2000), Efexor (1997-2002), Seroquel (2000-now), Lithium Carbonate (2000-now), Avanza (2002-05), Epilim (2005), Seroquel-XR (2000-now), Zyprexa (2002-14), Raberprazole (2000-now prn), Crestor (2009-15), Gabapentin (2009-12), Lamictal (2010-now), Abilify (2011-now) Lyrica (2012-now), Diazepam (2010-now prn), Saphris (2014), Respiridone (2014), Chlorpromazine (2014) Neulatil (07/2016) Current medications: Lithium Carbonate 750mg; Seroquel-XR 600mg, 800mg 04/16, 600mg 04/16, 400mg 04/16, 200mg 04/16, 400mg 04/16, 500mg 04/16; Lamictal 250mg 200mg150mg 04/16; Lyrica 300mg; Abilify 20mg 30mg 11/15 Zoloft 25mg 04/16 ceased after a week due to severe suicidal thoughts; Seroquel 25mg prn; Diazepam 40mg CT Jan 2013, 5mg occasionally, (massive med changes in April 2016 due to a hospital admission). Supplements: Fish oil 4000mg, Magnesium 100mg , Niacinamide 1000mg, Slippery Elm 800mg , B12 1000mcg, Zinc 50mg, B6 100mg, Vitamin D 2000IU, Calcium 1200mg, P5P 100mg, Vitamin C 2000mg, Vitamin E 400IU Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted October 1, 2015 Moderator Share Posted October 1, 2015 Hey Dave-- thank you for taking the time to write that wonderful post. The old saying "life begins at 40" is even more accurate in your case. No need for a midlife crisis, you have that out of the way and done with. I am thinking you are so lucky in a way, you'll be totally off of this stuff and into recovery by the age I was just starting down the Paxil Path. With the inner strength you have developed nothing can stand in your way. Your second chance is starting so go and make the most of it. (D*** I'm tearing up so bad I can't type and I'm at work so have to keep my cool). ((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))) 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
moodyblues78 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 well written, dave. hb. http://media0.giphy.com/media/GCLlQnV7wzKLu/giphy.gif 08 Cipralex 10mg for about 6 months. 11-12 Cipralex 20mg. Unsuccesful WD. 12-13 Zoloft 100mg with Diazepam 10-20mg as needed for anxiety.Fall 13 Tapering Zoloft 100->50->25->12,5->0 in 2,5 months and CT Diazepam. 12/24/13 RI Zoloft 12,5mg. 1/21/14 11mg 3/18/14 9,9mg 2/18/14 8mg 4/22/14 7,6mg 5/5/14 7,2mg 5/12/14 -> cutting 0,5mg per week, holding when necessary. 8/18/14 -> cutting 0,25mg per week holding when necessary. 10/20/2014 -> cutting 0,1mg per week, holding when necessary.12/28/2014 Jump! Link to comment
Purplestars22 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Hello Dave, Happy Birthday what a great way to bring in your 40th birthday being healed. You are an inspiration and have a gift to share your story eloquently. I have had some of your symptoms and all the things you mentioned of 'how much can I take' I thought about it too. Lately it has been discouraging that I will get better but with the post that you wrote it changed my thought and it can happen and will. Good luck in your next chapter in your life. Celexa 20mg 2008-2012 for Social Anxiety Failed attempt to stop reinstated 1 year taper skipping doses Celexa free 12/2013 1/2014-5/2014 took 5 htp every other day Failed Reinstatement 5mg of Celexa on 12/2014 for 5 days only Link to comment
Mort81 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Happy birthday buddy! 40 is an awesome age! man have you come a long way ! The way you explain WD keeps me hanging on every word , honestly one day you should write a book. You are continuely moving away from WD and in essense are experiencing life with more passion. It is amazing to know that you are better now than you ever were on all that other medication. Its only up from here I can feel it . I think eventhough this experience cant be forgotten you will experience what it means to truly live life to the fullest and without this horrible experience that may have been tough. Its tough to appreciate life at its fullest unless you have had it taken away. Most people dont know what the key to happyness is and therefore always need something more to fill a void. whether its money , more partners , better looks etc... you name it but after going through something like this life doesnt become so complicated . Waking up and having a coffee and eating breakfest in piece without crippling anxiety , pain or any other WD symptom is truly amazing. Happy to be alive is the key to life. Happy is the key and when Happy means to just be alive than you really have something good going on. To have it all to me isnt about what society thinks it is. Its overcoming contrast and being at piece with life. Your doing great buddy and continue to inspire Mort Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th . PPI Dexlant 30 mg taper has begun. Cutting 20% currently. using zantac as needed. Benzo is currently 0.10mg Link to comment
freespirit Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Happy Birthday Dave! What an amazing post...and yes, get started on that book. You're definitely a success story. Hope today is a great one..and the coming year, even better. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Tilly Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Happy Birthday, Dave! I hope that your 40th year is one to remember - for all of the right reasons. Wishing you continued healing, success and every happiness in all that you pursue. Tilly x 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
starburst Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 You really should write a book. Your use of words is beautiful. I find just reading what you have written therapeutic. Better than ANY counselling session I have ever attended :-) Link to comment
Bayboy Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 look at all of these responses my friend, you continue to inspire and provide hope, its a thing of beauty ... happy birthday man..you deserve it BB <p>Dec 2012 - Some benzo's, some AD's for PTSD induced anxiety and insomnia August 2013 - things go south with benzo (Klonipin), tolerance withdrawal, REALLY SICK, AD's (effexor/citalopram) added for "reset"!?!?, EVEN SICKER Dec 2013 - RESEARCH begins…located Ashton manual (first breakthrough), my A-HA moment = benzo + too fast WD of other meds caused this mess... Jan 2014 - convinced to take Mirtazapine 15-30 mg to help with Klonipin/ temazepam/ Citalopram taper, hit with wd symptoms but powered through Feb 2014- stopped Klonopinipin (too quick taper but was destroying CNS) -, more wd symptoms but masked by Mirtazapine March 2014 - silly ct attempt of 30mg Mirt , HORRIBLE hwd, no sleep, lasted 1 month, found this site (second breakthrough), armed with new knowledge, began proper slow taper of Mirtazapine and doing exponentially better, roughly 10% of each dose, and some long holds! April 2014 - reinstate 7.5 mg Mirt, (30 day hold then slow taper for rest of year, took months to stabilize) Jan 2015 - 3 mg (slow taper for rest of year) Jan 2016 - 1.87 mg (slow taper for rest of year) Jan 2017 - 0.37 mg (slow taper continues) Aug 27, 2017 - 0 mg (JUMPED from 0.12 mg) - DRUG FREE! Link to comment
AmyK Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Oh, Happy Birthday, Dave! Current dose: 0! Free! Quit June 2017. 2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January 2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg; 2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg; 2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg; 2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg; 2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg; 2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose. Link to comment
melanie Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Happy Birthday, Dave! I wish you many beautiful autumns in the next decade. And the decades to come... And winters, springs - that you so beautifully described in your thread... yes, I went through it all the other day. For me, this is the second wasted autumn - thanks to benzos mainly, I guess. But anyway, I'm trying to enjoy those spare moments of happiness. Watching the autumnal colors, the starry sky, breathing in this air with the hint of winter in it, cuddling my cat, watching her grow up and enjoy life... Trying not to give in to fear when the night falls so quickly and it gets dark. Such a limited time we get on this Earth. It's so painful not being able to enjoy it... I was also born into this season, although not in October. But now I love spring the most. Cause it means rebirth, which is what I need above all. Which you prove to be possible. For me, it's a second wasted autumn, the suffering is still overwhelming. Induced chiefly by benzos and AD withdrawal. This is why I take from you this flame of optimism. Light it in my soul and in my window, far at the other end of the globe, in the North of Europe. Our suffering is so universal, it spans all the globe. And we meet just for a fleeting moment in this virtual tiny space... But it means so much. It means hope for a better life. And you give me hope that healing is possible. That there is a life after benzos. And although life is suffering, as the Buddhists say... The more beautiful moments you get, the more is life worth living. Share with us as much as you can, dear Dave. You're a local poet on this site... I studied English literature. Though I'm not a native speaker, I know what I'm saying. Just remember how precarious your benzo freedom is... And cherish it above all. I quit benzos when I was 30 yrs old, only to be back in their claws 11 yrs later. They are cunning, baffling and powerful enemy, as AA folks use to say. Returning to them is a process, a devious one. Once a benzo addict, always a benzo addict. It's like with alcohol. But it's so easy to forget. The brain never forgets... GABA receptors do heal, but never forget. Haven't yet tackled this AD thing, but could write volumes about benzos... Once again, happy 40th birthday and continue to heal, Dave. Be grateful for the FREEDOM that is now yours. Every moment of it. Carpe diem. Big hugs to you, Mel 1990-1992 Anafranil. OCD under control, extreme social phobia. Hospitalized for the 1st and 2nd time (out of 3). 1999-2002: Prozac 20 mg. Stopped due to severe anxiety. Increased benzo consumption. 2003-2005: AD free (therapy). Feeling good, started working. Persisted 9 yrs in full-time job. 2005-2007: Ixel (milnacipran). SNRI. 2007-2011: Lexapro 10-15 mg. Fatigue and anxiety. Mania. Insomnia. Acne. Shopoholism. Polydrugging with different meds. 2011-2013: Effexor 37,5-150 mg (mostly 75 mg). SNRI. Fatigue and depression, terrible acne with scars, now gone. April 2013: Wellbutrin 150 mg. Hot flashes, extreme appetite, aggression. May 2013 - May 2014: Prozac - from 10 mg to 0 mg, very harsh taper. Functioning great but EXTREME ANXIETY. From May 2014: tried different ADs to replace Prozac, nothing worked, terrible side effects (Seroxat, Zoloft, Luvox, Brintellix, Doxepin, Trazodone). May 2014 back to benzos (Valium) in hope of improvement, aggravated depression and anxiety. Sept. 2014: Lexapro 2,5 mg, highest dose 5 mg for 1,5 months (Spring 2015). Steady decline, anxiety, fatigue. Diagnosed with OCD, dysthymia, social phobia, anxiety disorder, insomnia, eating disorder (first bulimia, then anorexia). Current meds: Seroquel 6,25 mg for sleep - 5 mg since Nov. 5, 2015. Lexapro 1,25 mg since Aug. 4th 2015. Valium, Ambien prn, tapering. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9984-melanie-should-i-reinstate-lexapro/ Link to comment
AliG Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Happy Birthday, Dave. What a journey you have had ! You have come so far. Inspirational ! Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ten0275 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 2, 2015 thank you so much, everyone. truly. i am absolutely overwhelmed to see all of these messages. your kindness, wisdom, love, and well-wishes are palpably felt and gratefully received. i promise to include you all in a wish for healing and peace as i blow the candles out on the cake today. and i will make a toast (as i raise my glass of magnessium cocktail) to all our future increased healing, health, and happiness.hang in there,davethe cocktail to be hoisted - that's right, i'm going to get bombed on magnessium :The Calm-arita1 tablespoon + 1 teaspoon Raspberry Lemonade Natural Calm Magesium Supplement1 cup lukewarm waterJuice from 2 fresh limes (a little over 1/2 cup)16 oz plain sparkling waterIceFresh herbs for garnish (optional, I used basil) 1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞 Link to comment
ladybug99 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Beautifully written, Dave. So beautiful... Happy 40th birthday! Hoping your birthday was as beautiful as your written words. Ladybug99 ADs for approx 20 yrs. Klonopin .05mg 2009-2013 Last dose Aug 2013 APRIL 21, 2015: switched from Paxil cr 25mg (equiv to 20. mg regular paxil) to liquid Prozac 20 mg. Took prozac for 5 weeks. Didn't work. MAY 21. 2015: switched back to Paxil - liquid 5mg for 1 week. Then upped to 7.5. Waiting to stabilize at this. Tapered off prozac in 2 weeks. Link to comment
starcontrol2 Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Hi Dave, I read your thread, it is very inspiring with everything that has happened to you. Just like you at some point I am barely working but how were you managing the family aspect? I believe you mentioned in one of your posts that you have kids and wife. In some ways I feel my struggle would "easiser" if I didn't have other people that I am bringing down so much Thanks! 10/2012 - Lexapro 10mg 2013/2014 - Started experiencing visual disturbances, like visual processing was slow, feeling drunk all the time 9/2014 - Lexapro 5mg, didn't notice any withdrawal, drunk feeling went away 2015 - Drunk feeling came back 5/2015 - Lexapro 2.5mg - 1.25mg - insomnia started 6/2015 - Lexapro 0.625mg 7/2015 - Severe symptoms started, in desperation on advice of pdoc restarted 5mg Lexapro - total disaster 8/2015 - Lexapro 5mg, disoriented, sleepless zombie 9/2015 - Very reluctantly started transitioning to Zoloft as of 10/10/2105 - no lexapro, 37.5mg Zoloft 12/14/2015 - 35mg zoloft, 1/16/2016 - 34mg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted November 11, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 11, 2015 Hi Dave, I read your post on another member's thread (which I really liked) and then checked out your intro. Wow, what a story. I've quickly glanced at the last few posts and will definitely be reading more when I get a chance. Well done in getting to where you are today. It is inspiring. Cheers. And belated Happy Birthday, too!! CC * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
lollynew Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 hi Dave just checking in to see how you are doing I haven't been on here in so long I had to make a new account as I forgot my details! I've been doing good I'm still slowly taping down to 3.4 so slow.. doing a drop of 0.1 each time and holding for months still getting effects from such tiny drops anyway enough about me was just hoping you're okay as I've often wondered hope no news is good news lolly Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ten0275 Posted March 25, 2016 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 25, 2016 Everyone, hello. It’s been a good deal of time since I’ve written an update and I thought it was time to do so. I think about many of you often. Even those of you who are new to the site, my mind is sensitive to your suffering story-unseen. I think any of us who have been where we've been, and where we are, have an innate sense of compassion for those unlucky enough to grip the edges of our shared boat in these rougher waters. These are rougher waters, I know you know. After a long hold, I dropped to 1.5mg of mirtazapine at the beginning of March 2016 (which reminds me i need to update my profile). It’s been fairly tolerable – but I have had some symptoms. Even after all this time, I never ceased to be amazed at the way such a small cut can create moderate to immense symptoms. It is why, wisely, this site advocates caution and care in tapering. It works, and it minimizes the impact on our bodies as we struggle to regain homeostasis while the drug(s) is gradually removed. Easier doesn't always mean easy - it often means damage control. I’ve had a lot of stuff going on in my life and I’ve being doing my best to deal with it. I’ve tried to focus on ways to implement self-care when things get hard – when symptoms roar, and when all that can happen in life rubs hard on those symptoms. I’m still in the gym as much as I can be. I go through periods where I am lifting immense weight and really need that. However when I am going through one of the periodic waves that still do occur for me, I have to stop my exercise. My body has become efficient at telling me when it needs the gym, and when it does not. My job has been to learn how to listen. Sometimes, I still have to learn the hard way. I’m still supplementing w/ magnesium glycinate. I take 200mg before bed every evening. When things are hard, I’ll take 200mg up to three times per day. When things are good, I take B vitamins – Thorne Methyguard is the brand. I take well below the recommended dose as we all know the B vitamins can rev us. At the recommendation of a fellow withdrawler, I’ve been drinking tart cherry juice extract. I feel that this has helped me w/ some of the histamine issues I’ve been dealing w/. Occasionally my blood pressure goes out of whack and I supplement w/ Hawthorne for this - it does it for me. I’m beginning to scale back on Vitamin D as the days grow longer – it’s time. I’m trying to think if I’ve left anything out here. I’ll probably think of it soon after this is posted and I log off the site. Ha! As I’ve done before, I want to encourage you all to hang in there as best you can. It takes an inordinate amount of strength and endurance (and you DO have it) to push through withdrawal – it takes even more patience. That patience thing is tough for me., whoooeee... I’m 4 years out from benzos and still tapering the damn mirtazapine, and I just want to be done. I don’t want to mess with compounds any more. I don’t want to feel symptoms any more. I don’t want pharmaceuticals in my blood any more. I don’t want to sit at my work desk feeling like I am going to start sobbing some days. I don’t want twitching muscles and searing headaches. I don’t want a lot of things about this continued process. But at the same time, I’m looking at what I’ve got. And what I’ve got is a fairly stabilized state of being where I can be productive on the job, active in the world, and focused on the horizon. See it? Lift your eyes and look downfield – the horizon is a point where suffering begins to abate and I truly believe it is there for us all if we have the presence to bear what’s dealt on us in this process. If you feel like you can't see the horizon, try visualizing what that would look like for you. It can help. I am no-one from nowhere. There is little unique about me. I just continually decide to put one foot in front of the other even when it seems that it is impossible or nearly impossible, to do so. Withdrawal has become part of my fabric these last 4 years. It has textured me - sometimes brutally. It has added depth to parts of me and caused scars elsewhere. I don’t know how I will ultimately be defined by this process when it is all over and done with. But I’ve seen that it has changed me in ways that only longer term suffering can. And while I could easily do without a great deal of this, a lot of it has proven invaluable in shaping who I continue to become. If it wasn’t withdrawal, it was going to be something else. So this one is mine. Hey, I wanted to add - I see we have some new mods on the site since my last check in. I want to welcome them. These are a group of people who want to help you in a most urgent way – they’re walking the same path as you – some ahead, some behind – sharing what they've come to know by their own process, and by watching fellow community members come and go. The stories on this site never cease to amaze me - which means you - all of us. I’m honored to share a foxhole with you all in this battle. Hang in there, Dave 1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞 Link to comment
Hopefull Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 Hi Dave, It is so nice for you to stop by and let us know how you are doing. Good to hear that you are doing pretty well, considering the hell you went through. This whole experience is full of unexpected twists and turns and the recovery process is not linear. What is the tart cherry juice good for? Best wishes , Hopefull. DRUG HISTORY: November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction). January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey). January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering. October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg. September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed. September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised. February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. Link to comment
LexAnger Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 Hi Dave, Such a wonderful writing for the most difficult expressive experience! It's always great reading our posts! So happy you are doing well! Wish you continuous healing! Lex Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted March 28, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 28, 2016 Hi Dave, I want to thank you for taking the time to drop back in here to post how you are going. What you wrote and how you wrote it is a wonderful combination of struggle and endurance. It can be so easy to give in to the struggle but I believe that accepting the struggle and learning to be patient and endure it in as calm a way as possible is what can make this journey through tapering and withdrawal more bearable. Fighting against it only adds fuel to it and doesn't give our brain the chance to do what it is so desperately trying to do. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted March 28, 2016 Moderator Share Posted March 28, 2016 Hey Dave-- I've miss having you around, but I'm so happy you're getting on with life in spite of stilling having a ways to taper. I can tell you that the lower you go the better it will get. Be careful with these low doses (I know you will be) because they are really touchy. Thank you for such a positive update, the group needs all of them they can get. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
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