☼ alexjuice: About

[Barbarannamated]

Real quick. People say things they don't mean when they're upset, me included.

 

Life wasnt better on meds and I don't think of going back on. But I do get ground down sometimes and say dumb stuff.

 

Not dumb„Alex--honest temporary feeling that I'm sure many of us have had when down ~ I appreciate your open expression~that's what peer support is all about IMHO

Barb

[tezza]

No, not dumb, Alex! Thank you for being you! You are a great help to others.

[Jemima]

 

Jane beat breast cancer and so would not take HRT or stuff like that so was interested in preventing bone break down naturally. I found out that countries consuming the most calcium have the most bone fractures and disease in this area. Those consumimg less do better. The calcium thing is a myth. Yes, you need calcium we all do, but we need in good proportions to magnesium (which we are probably deficient in) and Vitamin D and probably a whole host of other stuff too.

 

She advises more vegetables etc and advocates a semi vegetarian lifestyle.

 

She avoids ALL dairy products and believe they promote cancer, because the hormones they have in them are for baby cows not human babies. She says you dont drink the milk of a dog or a cat or a rabbit, so why a cow?????

 

 

 

Here's an article on calcium by Jim Mercola, M.D., a renegade to the profession:

 

http://tinyurl.com/Mercola-on-Calcium

 

I've been taking calcium for years per my doctor, but this article really creeped me out. I now feel really lost regarding who I can turn to for health issues.

 

And yes, absolutely stay away from osteoporosis drugs. After five years on Fosamax, bones become more brittle than they were before taking the meds. It has also caused uncounted cases of esophageal cancer and eight known deaths from that. Merk Pharma is now the target of a class action suit. Again.

[alexjuice]

OK. Thanks for the well-wishes guys.

 

UPDATE:

 

Got to the dentist and got some labs back.

 

Dentist gave me Rx sodium fluroide to help gums and teeth, which are okay. Okay means not bad for after year of refluxing, but, "Alex, you better use the toothpaste." I don't know much about flouride. Based on precedent, it's a huge fraud that will end up destroying my dental health. :-)

 

Labs were okay. AuntoImmune markers off again. POSITIVE ANA (Speckled pattern indicative of wide variety of autoimmune diseases), ANA Titre out of range (Out of range in a generally insignificant way but one that frequently frontruns rheumatoid arthritis.)

 

Bones and joints continue to be issue.

 

Hypersentivity continues to be issue, reflux the same.

 

After all the meds, I am a pretty unusual case so my doctor is hopeless. He will order a bone density if I want it. I'm thinking bacterial overgrowth causing absorption problems and relfux. Or leaky gut causing funky immune response. Maybe both things. Anyway, gut doesn't work well. I'm not helping by occasional brownies and pies but I'm hopeless to stop so far -- and I've stopped smoking while still on risperdal even, stopped crack cocaine. This is harder; willpower is not getting it done. Executive command fails me every week to 2.

 

End of update.

 

Hang in there kids. Don't do drugs. Eat right too.

 

Alex

 

PS -- Things have been crappy lately and I haven't responded toa couple of PMs. Doing my best. Cheers.

[Nadia]

I hear you, Alex. I had a crap day and am now eating brownies (at least it's gluten free?). Sweets are one thing I have the hardest time not giving into.

 

About the teeth... I have had problems with receding gums from an early age (runs in the family). Made much worse by brushing my teeth wrong and by acid foods and beverages (and sugar). I find it helps to use toothpaste with a good amount of baking soda to neutralize the acid. I use Arm and Hammer. As for the flouride, I've heard it's bad... my boyfriend uses only non-flouride toothpaste. But if I use his toothpaste for more than a week, my teeth start feeling really sensitive.

[Karma]

Alex

 

I wish you lived in my town - I'd send you to my nutritionist and she could help you get sorted out .

 

If you are interested in finding a Biomeridian tech you can contact Biomeridian directly, give them your zip code and they can give you a list of techs in your area. Then you want to call and ask some questions. When you call a tech, you can ask them how many years they've been practicing, (you want someone who has been practicing at least a year or more), what kind of degree or licensing they have, what they specialize in. You are looking for a Certified Nutritionist, BioEnergetic Practitioner Certification, Naturopathic Doctor, or anything along those lines ideally.

 

I also suggest asking if you have to buy their supplements ... if the answer is yes, I'd look for someone else. If they say that they recommend their supplements because they can be confident of their quality, but you can get some of the supplements at the local health food store - that's what you are looking for.

 

My nutritionist also suggested calling compounding pharmacies who are more into natural treatments for recommendations of who to see.

 

I think one of the reasons I've been successful so far in weaning off my pmeds is that I addressed my gut problems and overall nutrition before I started weaning. Based on my observations on this site, I'm afraid that once you've gotten hypersensitive the normal nutritional recommendations have to be approached more cautiously.

 

I can tell you that when I first went to the nutritionist I had yeast overgrowth syndrome, celiac disease (autoimmune disorder), hashimotos thyroiditis (autoimmune disorder), and adrenal fatigue ... we started addressing the yeast overgrowth first and I went on a no yeast, low sugar, gluten free diet along with homeopathic supplements to help kill off the yeast. It probably took a full year to finally get the yeast population under control and I was too weak in the beginning to take prescription anti-fungals ... after about the first three months I started to feel better. Over five years I finally got to the point of having no joint pain, no bone pain and no fatigue. It was a gradual and continuous improvement.

 

Sorry things have been crappy lately, Alex - you deserve better and I hope it gets better soon.

 

Karma

[tezza]

I stopped smoking 12/24, but have been smoking all this week. I'm trying to stop again, only had four so far today. Maybe I'll do better tomorrow. You are an inspiration to me particularly in this area. I pray you feel better soon, Alex.

[Altostrata]

ANA can also be elevated by adverse drug reactions. I had ANA results that were astronomical when I had an adverse reaction to an oral anti-fungal (terbinafine, or Lamisil). My doctor insisted I had autoimmune hepatitis and was heading for a liver transplant -- despite the black-box warning on terbinafine.

 

She was wrong, my ANA results went way down over a year, my liver is fine.

 

http://labtestsonline.org/understanding/analytes/ana/tab/test

A positive ANA test result may suggest an autoimmune disease, but further specific testing is required to assist in making a final diagnosis. ANA test results can be positive in people without any known autoimmune disease. While this is not common, the frequency of a false positive ANA result increases as people get older.

 

Also, ANA may become positive before signs and symptoms of an autoimmune disease develop, so it may take time to tell the meaning of a positive ANA in a person who does not have symptoms. Most positive ANA results don't have significance, so physicians should reassure their patients but should also still be vigilant for development of signs and symptoms that might suggest an autoimmune disease.

 

....

A positive ANA can also mean that the person has drug-induced lupus. This condition is associated with the development of autoantibodies to histones, which are water-soluble proteins rich in the amino acids lysine and arginine. An anti-histone test may be ordered to support the diagnosis of drug-induced lupus.

The town where I grew up was one of the first fluoridation pilot projects. I've been fluoridated since I was 5, longer than just about anyone else. My teeth are in great shape and, except for withdrawal syndrome, I've been quite healthy all my life.

[tezza]

Heck Alex, you're an inspiration in ALL AREAS of WD!

[Rhiannon]

hey Alex just stopped by to say: thank you for being you.

 

And sorry that sucks so much right now.

 

I wish I could give you a hug. Not that it would help. But it would help ME.

[alexjuice]

I hear you, Alex. I had a crap day and am now eating brownies (at least it's gluten free?). Sweets are one thing I have the hardest time not giving into.

 

I know what you mean. I'm gonna do everything. I'm two days sober on sweets. Ready to make a run... :-)

 

About the teeth... I have had problems with receding gums from an early age (runs in the family). Made much worse by brushing my teeth wrong and by acid foods and beverages (and sugar). I find it helps to use toothpaste with a good amount of baking soda to neutralize the acid. I use Arm and Hammer. As for the flouride, I've heard it's bad... my boyfriend uses only non-flouride toothpaste. But if I use his toothpaste for more than a week, my teeth start feeling really sensitive.

 

Yea, I've heard fluoride is bad. The GAPS sites are anti-fluoride though I haven't investigated why so. I'm gonna try his paste for a week or two then run away. Nothing everyday but insulin... Luckily, I don't have diabetes.

 

Alex

[alexjuice]

I wish you lived in my town - I'd send you to my nutritionist and she could help you get sorted out .

 

Me too. I am in definite need of a sorting. :-)

 

If you are interested in finding a Biomeridian tech you can contact Biomeridian directly, give them your zip code and they can give you a list of techs in your area. Then you want to call and ask some questions. When you call a tech, you can ask them how many years they've been practicing, (you want someone who has been practicing at least a year or more), what kind of degree or licensing they have, what they specialize in. You are looking for a Certified Nutritionist, BioEnergetic Practitioner Certification, Naturopathic Doctor, or anything along those lines ideally.

 

...

 

My nutritionist also suggested calling compounding pharmacies who are more into natural treatments for recommendations of who to see.

 

We do have a very progressive, compounding pharmacy here. I sometimes buy some locally-raised meats there. They do offer consults with nutritionists, I believe. I actually went in to one location yesterday but that location doesn't have onsite practitioners. I am going to call and talk to whoever picks up; they've been helpful at that Rxcy. If they're too "selly", I'll move on. I have been trying to see a functional MD with a focus on digestive and autoimmune issues. I'll know more on that soon...

 

I think one of the reasons I've been successful so far in weaning off my pmeds is that I addressed my gut problems and overall nutrition before I started weaning. Based on my observations on this site, I'm afraid that once you've gotten hypersensitive the normal nutritional recommendations have to be approached more cautiously.

 

I can tell you that when I first went to the nutritionist I had yeast overgrowth syndrome, celiac disease (autoimmune disorder), hashimotos thyroiditis (autoimmune disorder), and adrenal fatigue ... we started addressing the yeast overgrowth first and I went on a no yeast, low sugar, gluten free diet along with homeopathic supplements to help kill off the yeast. It probably took a full year to finally get the yeast population under control and I was too weak in the beginning to take prescription anti-fungals ... after about the first three months I started to feel better. Over five years I finally got to the point of having no joint pain, no bone pain and no fatigue. It was a gradual and continuous improvement.

 

I wonder of the state of my gut at the beginning. It couldn't have been good. I had a horrible diet. I basically did everything wrong healthwise while I was Drugged.

 

But I went a year off meds (but benzos) before gut problems emerged. So maybe the stresses or early w/d, which were harsh, combined with some badly timed med-decisions triggered my gut problems. In any event, they are here now.

 

It's encouraging to hear of your improvement, even if it took a long while. Some day for me, too.

 

Sorry things have been crappy lately, Alex - you deserve better and I hope it gets better soon.

 

Karma

 

Thanks, Karma. I have a feeling that I'm gonna get myself on the right path in 2012. I'm due for a good year, I think.

 

Alex

[alexjuice]

Heck Alex, you're an inspiration in ALL AREAS of WD!

 

Hey tezza, thanks! Appreciate that greatly. Hope you are hanging in there

 

best,

Alex

[alexjuice]

ANA can also be elevated by adverse drug reactions. I had ANA results that were astronomical when I had an adverse reaction to an oral anti-fungal (terbinafine, or Lamisil). My doctor insisted I had autoimmune hepatitis and was heading for a liver transplant -- despite the black-box warning on terbinafine.

 

She was wrong, my ANA results went way down over a year, my liver is fine.

....

 

Yea, I've had odd, inconsistent autoimmune results during the last year of the withdrawal experience. Same tests have been BAD then FINE then BAD again, so I'm not ready to panic. After everything, it takes a lot to get me to sustain panic these days. This is probably a sign of healing as well as personal growth.

 

Of course, my doc referred me to a rheummatoidologist (sp?). I got the letter of referral and immediately panicked then felt sorry for myself and then thought I'm gonna keep falling to pieces and I don't deserve this. Then I had some brief but hearty panic... After a few minutes I left aside my panic and moved on as best I could to the next thing in life that needed tending.

 

So Im getting better... :-)

 

The town where I grew up was one of the first fluoridation pilot projects. I've been fluoridated since I was 5, longer than just about anyone else. My teeth are in great shape and, except for withdrawal syndrome, I've been quite healthy all my life.

 

Thats good to hear. I don't know what's supposed to be bad about the flouride though I'm aware there are detractors. My instinct says I'm better off using the Rx toothpaste than not. At least for a couple weeks, which should be enough time to evaluate and, hopefully, get some resolution.

 

Alex

[alexjuice]

hey Alex just stopped by to say: thank you for being you.

 

And sorry that sucks so much right now.

 

I wish I could give you a hug. Not that it would help. But it would help ME.

 

Hey Rhi-

So happy to hear from you. That's just a terrifically nice thing to thank me for. Thanks.

 

I hope you're doing well. I've wondered how you've been. Hanging in, no doubt.

 

I am accepting hugs for sure. I am a big believer in hugs for healing. So it'd help us both I think.

 

Also, I used to go to a 12-step fellowship here and there that printed 'Hugs not Drugs' on everything. We should give those keychains out to newcomers here. :-)

 

Alex

[Nadia]

 

About the teeth... I have had problems with receding gums from an early age (runs in the family). Made much worse by brushing my teeth wrong and by acid foods and beverages (and sugar). I find it helps to use toothpaste with a good amount of baking soda to neutralize the acid. I use Arm and Hammer. As for the flouride, I've heard it's bad... my boyfriend uses only non-flouride toothpaste. But if I use his toothpaste for more than a week, my teeth start feeling really sensitive.

 

Yea, I've heard fluoride is bad. The GAPS sites are anti-fluoride though I haven't investigated why so. I'm gonna try his paste for a week or two then run away. Nothing everyday but insulin... Luckily, I don't have diabetes.

 

I don't know how bad flouride is for brushing teeth, really... as long as you don't swallow the toothpaste. Like I said, if I use non-flouride toothpaste my teeth really suffer for it even after a week, so I'll take the risks!

 

Have you tried baking soda toothpaste? Or rinsing your mouth with water mixed with baking soda? That really helps my gums. I don't swallow it because I don't want to mess with my stomach acid.

[Nadia]

Have you heard of LDN, Low Dose Naltrexone? I have been trying to get my father to try it (he has a rare autoimmune disease). Some people say it's BS, others make overly exaggerated claims for it, but I do know a couple of people who swear it has helped their autoimmune issues (in this case, inflammatory bowel disease).

[alexjuice]

UPDATE

 

Not doing well.

 

Besides just feeling exhausted and drained, I am not doing any better with my reflux problems. I wake up with slimy white paste in my mouth and my teeth and gums don't seem to like this much. My voice is hoarse more often. I cough more. Pain is worse.

 

I think these problems originate from poor GI motility caused by -- ?? Dunno. Seems 5-ht receptor 4 plays signficant role in mediating muscle function down there that pushes things along. Guessing. Dammit.

 

Coffee in small amounts can help, but it is not the answer as it also aggrivates the irritation of my vocal chords.

 

I went to see a doctor (a shrink) yesterday to see about joining his psychotherapy group and had another bad experience (Why do I torture myself?). First, I was exhausted from diet and w/d, avoiding sugar and insomnia. After I told him of my current medications and a part of my history, he told me that I "looked" like I was on benzos, that I was "a little too stoned", and that I needed to reduce my klonopin and/or valium significantly (he offered to help me). Yada, yada. Why I torture myself?

 

I'm really tired. I need to think about how to get things moving again. I'll do it, and I won't worry. But I'm real beat up right now. Not much sleep again. Teary.

[tezza]

Alex, I'm so sorry you're going through so much. I've been wondering if you were feeling bad because you hadn't posted for a while. You have been on my mind and I was about to PM you, then I saw your post and it answered my question. I truly hope and pray you find relief soon. Hugs...

[Barbarannamated]

{{{HUGS}}}

 

I just read about the Enteric Neuroscience Program (ENSP) on the Mayo Clinic website and thought of you. J Szursz*** PhD, Asst. Prof of Pharmacology and Physiology looks interesting - perhaps because he does not have MD after his name. Thought I saw something similar at one of the U Texas Med Centers but can't find now.

Sorry if this is old info, Alex. I stumbled across it and wanted to pass on just in case you weren't aware. I understand that you probably don't want to think of another doc right now.

[alexjuice]

A good doc would be okay. There is a U Texas medical center doing work on Gastrointestinal problems. However, it is Galveston. This on the coast and a ways from Alexland.

 

I'd need to make phone calls or, ideally, talk to someone at UT here who knows someone down there. There are people at UT Austin in neurobiology and at the NeuroScience Institute that I woudl like to talk to. I've found that, so far, every faculty member I've emailed has responded to me. I guess because I desperate local alumnus, and we only hire nice neuroscientists.

 

But I feel overwhelmed right now. I haven't tried to correspond with anyone in a while. I'm feel so beat.

 

Thanks for you concern though.

 

I will be okay. My confidence is stirred but not shaken. (Just wanted to say that, don't know if stirred implies greater impairment than shaken does. I just wanted to say that.)

 

Alex

[alexjuice]

Have you heard of LDN, Low Dose Naltrexone? I have been trying to get my father to try it (he has a rare autoimmune disease). Some people say it's BS, others make overly exaggerated claims for it, but I do know a couple of people who swear it has helped their autoimmune issues (in this case, inflammatory bowel disease).

 

Hey Nadia,

I'd heard about it here and there.

 

I went and looked it up. Just the wikipage, but some things gave me pause. I'm going to try to avoid Rx as best as possible for at least a while longer.

 

I do, as always, appreciate your help.

 

Hope you are feeling ok.

 

Alex

[alexjuice]

Alex, I'm so sorry you're going through so much. I've been wondering if you were feeling bad because you hadn't posted for a while. You have been on my mind and I was about to PM you, then I saw your post and it answered my question. I truly hope and pray you find relief soon. Hugs...

 

Thanks so much for your kind words, tezza.

 

I really appreciate it. It means a lot to me. I appreciate all the prayers and hopes. And I love the hugs!

 

Thanks for thinking of me.

 

I hope you are hanging in there, as you said, I've been away from the computer a bit the last few days.

 

Alex

[Nadia]

Hey Nadia,

I'd heard about it here and there.

 

I went and looked it up. Just the wikipage, but some things gave me pause. I'm going to try to avoid Rx as best as possible for at least a while longer.

 

I do, as always, appreciate your help.

 

Hope you are feeling ok.

 

Alex

 

Yeah, lately I've been staying away even from most vitamins... I can understand that. I guess I've considered low dose naltrexone for my dad because it's a really, really low dose of the stuff. But he's not going through withdrawal.

[Shanti]

 

Dr. Ashton later admitted she didn't understand antidepressant withdrawal. Please disregard those instructions.

 

I second Alto's assessment here. Besides understanding the theoretical reason for removing an ad first, I have my personal experience which, though anecdotal, supports that position.

 

Being on a benzo during my AD w/d was far different than being on an AD during my benzo w/d.... Without getting into the details, that's the nutshell, simplified version.

 

Hi Alex. I wanted to ask you about this but thought I should do it on your journal. I'm still taking .5 mg of Xanax a day. I feel no side effects during the day and only take it before sleep. I'm really kind of scared about the time that I taper off of it. I'm scared to go look at Benzo Buddies. I can't bring myself to go there because I'm afraid it will scare me and may even give me psychosematic symptoms by reading. Can you tell me how it's different? And also, do you think it would be better to wait til I'm done with the AD taper to start the Xanax taper? Or should I get it all done at once? I have no idea how I react to tapering off Xanax as I have never gone a day without it for a few years. Any thoughts?

[alexjuice]

Hey shanti,

 

First, as you know, I am not a doctor so can't give specific direction about any course of action you should/shouldn't take.

 

In my experience benzo buddies.org is a very good board. I understand your fears about inducing some psychosomatic symptoms but I think the value that you'll get from reading of other people's experience will offset -- and then some -- any negative impact.

 

In my case, I still take benzos. I'm in a better mental place and have superior understanding than I was when I made benzo changes in the past. I plan to be very cautious and taper quite slowly, at first especially. Also, I am not in a huge rush to start the benzo taper. I choose to be kind to my body and I can only hande so much. While its not ideal to take benzos, for me, it may be less ideal to initiate a taper prematurely.

 

The main thing, shanti, is to remember that you will be okay in the long run. Things will work out so long as you take the steps to protect yourself from shock. That said, any taper will have its unpleasant moments. Ie found the key is to focus on that that I can control always mindful of the fact that feelings always pass.

 

Alex

[Altostrata]

Shanti, if I were you, I'd taper off Prozac before starting on your benzo. The benzo may help compensate for any withdrawal symptoms from Prozac, but Prozac won't help benzo withdrawal symptoms.

[Shanti]

Okay, thank you both. I'll just stick to my original idea then to wait on the benzo taper. I'm just starting to get ansy and wanting to get this over with. But as you said, it's best not to shock the system. Right now I'm having it pretty good compared to my taper attempts with the Paxil, so I shouldn't push it. I've always planned to go to Benzo Buddies when the time comes and I'll do that, thank you Alex.

[alexjuice]

Hey shanti,

 

I've been very much out of it lately and I didn't even see the part about your current status with your AD. My brain has had better fortnights, for sure.

 

My experience agrees with Altos recommendation.

 

Alex

[alexjuice]

UPDATE:

 

Worst week in a long, long time.

 

Last weekend experienced all sorts of back pain and abdominal pain. Anxiety. Fears of failing health.

 

My sister and her husband stayed the week on a vacation visit. This was a stressor. They aren't unspportive but I take some of their reactions quite personally. To me, they see me a crazy person imagining I am sick... Stress.

 

I slept very poorly. Insomnia. Also ate a few sweets and diluted espresso do counteract fatigue. Ended up returning to pain in the back, sides and abdomen. Frequent urination, really often and unusual output as well. Increased thirst. Dry mouth. Had some labs done at the rhumeatologist on Feb 13, simple blood draw, and my arm exploded in bruising that has still not healed. Small cuts and knicks from weeks ago have not yet healed.

 

Panic more frequent, often on my health. Fearing I've contracted/developed dreaded chronic/terminal conditions.

 

Teeth and gum problems. Reflux still remains. I am lost weight this week because of subdued appetite.

 

Just a terrible week. Ordered a crapload of labs at the beginning of the week and everything was normal. except for autoimmune crap again.

 

I feel like I am broken by this, that I don't know what to put in my body and that I'm poisoning or undernourishing. Basically, anxiety is my lord.

 

Bad place.

[Altostrata]

Sympathetic hugs, alex.

[Karma]

Alex,

 

I'm so sorry you are going through a bad spell ... it is really difficult to see a way out when you are assailed by irrational thoughts about failing health or whatever your trigger happens to be (mine tends to be financially related). But you will see a brighter day.

 

For me anxiety and depression are ugly twins and it is hard to say which twin I dislike the most. I'm sorry that anxiety is your current lord.

 

What I've learned about blood draws is not to bend my arm for at least 20, up to 30 minutes after the draw - if you bend your arm you will cause a hematoma every time. If you are having autoimmune reactions then it will disrupt healing.

 

I do think the family visit could have caused additional stress in your situation. I know when I'm in a fragile state anything out of the ordinary causes stress for me - just a minor change in my routine can cause stress when I'm feeling fragile. Perhaps as you get passed the family visit you will start to feel some relief.

 

I tend to believe that autoimmune reactions are caused by food intolerances, but I've read where they can be caused by hormonal issues, bacterial or viral infections, toxic chemical or metal exposure, and actually stress or trauma. So there is no telling what is causing the autoimmune reaction. You know how you need to eat and you know that you need to take care of yourself.

 

Hang in there, Alex {{{HUGS}}}

Karma

[Nadia]

Hugs, Alex. I wish I could magically make everything better.

[tezza]

I'm with Nadia, Alex I wish I could make it go away. And make the rest of your life beautiful. My heart still breaks when I think of what's been done to you. Plus it angers me! Lots of {{{HUGS}}} to a wonderful young man. I'm still praying for everyone on this forum. I pray for all of us to have peace of mind. Sending love and healing...

[alexjuice]

Thanks SOOO much guys. Dang, I feel lousy.

 

My problems started with a magnesium reaction about 2 1/2 weeks ago. Ive felt nauseous, disoriented, weak, confused, fear ridden. I've been peeing all the time (some days), have a low body temp, low bp, lack of appetite. And a ton of anxiety, trouble sleeping, lack of sleep...

 

I've been to dr twice.

 

They found some oddities in Bloodwork but nothing explicit to a cause. Doc mentioned viral infection. This got my head spinning. Hypochondriasis rears, especially when I mix up my benzos even slightly but I haven't changed a thing. But I know I am not rational. Fears seem plausible, consequences seem unbearable. I used to struggle with this during the Drugged years, especially during benzo changes... It's a gift from psychiatry. I never had an irrational health fear before I was 19 and then BAM... I'm the loon in the doctors office with cancer or hepatitis every other week. I have shame about my health fears. Also I know I am irrational about it and I am on razors edge with people not believing me as it is. So I sit with it alone and ruminate.

 

Feel sick. A very terrifying, ambiguous, anxious place of unwellness.

 

I cold stopped the mag after the bad reaction. Maybe I should add back some mag and see if that helps.

 

I hope this round passes soon.

 

Alex

[alexjuice]

Things going poorly.

 

I've had a lot of labs lately. My doctor thinks I've got fibromyalgia or possibly a viral infection. Or, less likely, a kidney problem.

 

Fibro seems like a diagnosis that doctors roll their eyes at, a treatment I am accustommed to. The alternative explanations for my symptoms are things docs take more seriously. So, I'm rooting hard that the remaining blood comes back clean leaving me a continued oddity to the MDs.

 

Glad to be done with blood work for, hope, a long while. My healing is impaired and bruising is pronounced. My arms are crapped -- the junkie look isn't for me.

 

I'm also having computer problems and havent been around much. I miss you guys and hope everyone is hanging in there.

 

Alex

 

ps - I've been unwell and not responded to a couple PMs. Sorry. I hope nobody thinks I don't want to correspond. I am just struggling at the moment.