☼ alexjuice: About

[alexjuice]

 

A question I've pondered ... is it necessary to attribute these effects to WITHDRAWAL as opposed to years of multiple toxic drug USE over many years?

 

Well said.. good point. The two issues are conflated, and they really are different outcomes. Both deplorable, but better understood separately. ~S

 

I agree. It's certainly, IMO, a better way to introduce the issue to a new doctor (very challenging in itself) that to say I'm suffering fom multiyear withdrawal syndrome from drugs given to people without insight to reality.

 

I really do think this will be an important week for me with the potential for some answers. And, hopefully, a shot of hope.

[Barbarannamated]

Yes, a Hope Shooter

 

Followup thought: if doctor does not understand/agree that these drugs have longterm effects on body, they will certainly not understand withdrawal, imho. ie. If they mention "halflife...drug should be out of body..." RUN!

[alexjuice]

I get more tests this week.

 

I feel worn out. Something is wrong. I can hope I'm being a hypochondriac but I'd rather hope that whatever it is can be treated within the limitations of my existing drug-induced neuro issues.

 

Stuck.

[Altostrata]

Alex, how is the search for a good endocrinologist going?

[alexjuice]

Ok. I am on the books for two doctors in August and one both of their cancellation lists. Hopefully I can find a sooner appt and cancel both.

 

I got a good reference for a guy in SC but last week, being in 4th of July, it was hard to get a hold of their office.

 

I'm working on it. I'll get tests back at the end of the week or Monday. Those should be informative.

 

Doing better, but not great.

 

I will be okay, I think.

 

Hope you're doing well. Hope everyone is feeling okay today.

 

Alex

[Skyler]

Ok. I am on the books for two doctors in August and one both of their cancellation lists. Hopefully I can find a sooner appt and cancel both.

 

I got a good reference for a guy in SC but last week, being in 4th of July, it was hard to get a hold of their office.

 

I'm working on it. I'll get tests back at the end of the week or Monday. Those should be informative.

 

Doing better, but not great.

 

I will be okay, I think.

 

Hope you're doing well. Hope everyone is feeling okay today.

 

Alex

 

Hi Alex, good to know you got the doc appts, and that you are feeling improved. I'll watch for word on the test results. ~S

[alexjuice]

Thanks Schuyler.

 

I browsed through a bit of the Alex thread. Good lord, I was verbose at the start and still have moments... I need an editor. (smiley)

[Altostrata]

We love your verbosity!

[Skyler]

Thanks Schuyler.

 

I browsed through a bit of the Alex thread. Good lord, I was verbose at the start and still have moments... I need an editor. (smiley)

 

You needed to let yourself vent. Good for what ails you.

[alexjuice]

Thanks for the affirmations. It's so true, venting is just necessary sometimes...

 

UPDATE:

 

Rough couple of weeks. Had an interaction or hypersensitive response and ended up in the ER. This rattled me. I took a big fall but I'm starting to feel a bit better. I will probably keep benzo taper on hold for a bit longer.

 

Saw a doctor last week who recommended a stronger approach to my fungal overgrowth. I am slowly incorporating his herbal treatment. Also, my elemental mineral analysis from two months ago caught his attention. My mag is very low. Since my gut's absorbing an unknown % of supplements, he recommends IV magnesium treatment. 4gm right in the vein.

 

I am considering it though will, if I go forth, will start at 1gram or less. On the flipside, being as deficient in magnesium (and not absorbing it well from food or supplements) is a major factor (cofactor) in who knows how much of my dysfunction.

 

Still waiting for someone to see me about adrenal function and nodule discovered by imaging.

 

Hope you guys are feeling okay.

[Barbarannamated]

I'm so sorry, Alex.

 

"A big fall" as in physical?

 

Sounds like you've got the attention of this doc. That's good, right? Do you feel comfortable with him?

 

Magnesium - did he say what symptoms are related or what the IV will accomplish?

 

Sorry for the barrage of questions.

[alexjuice]

Magnesium - did he say what symptoms are related or what the IV will accomplish?

 

Sounds like you've got the attention of this doc. That's good, right? Do you feel comfortable with him?

 

He gave me the "magneium is critical in hundreds on enzymatic reactions," general-type rationale for why a deficiency is unwanted... I smiled and pretended that I was learning something new, that magnesium deficiency is suboptimal. IV will help replenish, hopefully. But it's a load. He usually shoots 4 grams of mag bypassing the GI system, obviously. It could really help or I could have a reaction. I wont start with 4,000mg but I think he has a good idea, potentially. I need to get the mg back to healthy.

 

I feel okay with him. The first meeting is thee hardest because my symptoms are mainly GI but it takes a while to lay a foundation so he can ask questions and I can get him on track. There's a feeling out process and I think it went really well for a first meeting.

"A big fall" as in physical?

 

No... lol... Just figuratively.

 

 

Sorry for the barrage of questions.

 

No need for apologies. As far as barrages go, this one was barely a blip on the richter scale... LOL

[Karma]

Hey Alex,

 

I think the suboptimal magnesium could be a starting place, but due to you hypersensitivity I think that taking it a bit slower is probably a good idea.

 

Remember, when I first started down my healing path the first thing they addressed was my magnesium deficiency. But we started with something like 100 mg magnesium glycinate and worked up ... I need to get my medical records so that I can see how we worked up. I don't remember if it was daily or weekly, but something tells me it was daily - don't know.

 

Keep us posted. Even if I'm not posting on here regularly, I still try and check a few key threads (and yours is one of them).

 

(had to edit ... forgot to give you a hug!)

 

Love and light,

Karma

Edited July 16, 2012 by Karma

[Barbarannamated]

Life is not right without a Karma hug.

 

Need to say... your exchange with Cinephile touched me beyond words. If it's possible for a heart to break and swell with "pride" at the same time, mine did. You are both amazing men.

[tezza]

Barb is so right! Big karma HUGS to you Alex. We love you bunches!

[Nikki]

Hi Alex...

 

In being your own best advocate and continuing to search for answers, you have come up with what's making you feel so poorly. The nodule on your adrenals can be a huge factor in causing anxiety. You found a fungal and parasite problem. I remember reading that people with a magnesium deficiency suffer from fatigue.

 

The parasite can be treated with something like Flagyl. You can add magnesium to your diet. I suppose in small amounts at first. Fungals are treated with diflucan or nystatin. These are the first thoughts that came to mind. There are meds for these problems.

 

I know I am making it sound very simple and I apologize. Don't know if your physician's have recommended these 'cures'.

 

Barb really hit home with the effects of taking many ad's over a long stretch of time in conjunction with the WD.

 

Keep pushing forward.....You have tremendous tenacity.

 

Hugs

[alexjuice]

Thanks so much Barb, tezza, karma, Nikki & everyone else for your support...

 

UPDATE:

 

My parasitic infection never was, it turns out. Dr. Strident misread the lab's report and put me unnecessarily on a potent antihelmintic that caused collateral damage twice. Fungal infection is definitely an issue, though, and the current priority. (Diflucan may be used but not yet... I've been discouraged from it by several docs arguing it's inefficaciousness or distressing liver effects.)

 

I see my integrative doctor for the last time tomorrow, the Strident One. Dr. Strident will give me lab results, which were picked up by insurance, and I will pay her session fee which is cheaper than getting the labs myself. I'm curious to see rT3, which was high last two times.

 

All hormones were recently thrown off (collateral damage) so labs may be innacurrate.

 

I'd like to eat more calories. (That's a prayer directly to God.)

 

Stay off Drugs, kids.

[Altostrata]

What can I say....

[alexjuice]

What can I say....

 

Exactly.

 

I don't know if this batch are worth a dang, but rT3 dropped from the original 392pg/mL to 327pg/mL. 327 is within the range, normal. But my free t3 dropped simultaneously, to a suboptimal 2.4 (from 3.2) as did TSH (2.2 to 1.6). FreeT at 8.1 -- that's crap. Body temp was normal 98.3, I think.

 

She gave me a requisiion for a follow-up slew of labs come August (insurance covers) and she's gonna email reults to me and, from them, we'll decide whether to have a session. Great. Free labs without having to listen to her nonsense. Sign me up!

 

I double dipped today, also saw Dr. Y (shrink). She spoke with Dr. Caring (therapist)... finally. Both are concerned about my weight loss. Y said she'd like to prescribe a bit of zyprexa (!!!!) to assist my appetite but knows I'd never take it. I didn't handle her suggestion that well. Got lil frustrated. Tired after Dr. Strident's nonsense... Strident, if curious of the nonsense, is hopeful I'll be off benzos if we meet again next month...

 

Zyprexa?!? Seriously, if not for my Valium dependecy, I'd have fired her on the spot.

 

So trying, this is. THAT THESE ARE MY DOCTORS!

[compsports]

""I double dipped today, also saw Dr. Y (shrink). She spoke with Dr. Caring (therapist)... finally. Both are concerned about my weight loss. Y said she'd like to prescribe a bit of zyprexa (!!!!) to assist my appetite but knows I'd never take it. I didn't handle her suggestion that well. Got lil frustrated. Tired after Dr. Strident's nonsense... Strident, if curious of the nonsense, is hopeful I'll be off benzos if we meet again next month... ""

 

That reminds me of a psychiatrist who prescribed an AP for a teenage girl who had anorexia. She had horrific side effects that I can't recall.

 

Whatever happened to the mantra "First do no harm"?

 

I am so sorry Alex you are dealing with this.

 

CS

[Skyler]

 

I double dipped today, also saw Dr. Y (shrink). She spoke with Dr. Caring (therapist)... finally. Both are concerned about my weight loss. Y said she'd like to prescribe a bit of zyprexa (!!!!) to assist my appetite but knows I'd never take it. I didn't handle her suggestion that well. Got lil frustrated. Tired after Dr. Strident's nonsense... Strident, if curious of the nonsense, is hopeful I'll be off benzos if we meet again next month...

 

Zyprexa?!? Seriously, if not for my Valium dependecy, I'd have fired her on the spot.

 

So trying, this is. THAT THESE ARE MY DOCTORS!

 

Nurse Ratched anyone? Sounds like she would be an improvement!!!

[Barbarannamated]

Zyprexa for weight loss. Yes, by all means, lets screw up the endocrine system a bit more. Unbelievable. They are really clueless about how to determine and treat underlying causes, especially if it's out of the ordinary- weight loss, low BP, etc. Medical mysteries.

 

You have amazing patience and perseverance, Alex.

[alexjuice]

""I double dipped today, also saw Dr. Y (shrink). She spoke with Dr. Caring (therapist)... finally. Both are concerned about my weight loss. Y said she'd like to prescribe a bit of zyprexa (!!!!) to assist my appetite but knows I'd never take it. I didn't handle her suggestion that well. Got lil frustrated. Tired after Dr. Strident's nonsense... Strident, if curious of the nonsense, is hopeful I'll be off benzos if we meet again next month... ""

 

That reminds me of a psychiatrist who prescribed an AP for a teenage girl who had anorexia. She had horrific side effects that I can't recall.

 

Whatever happened to the mantra "First do no harm"?

 

I am so sorry Alex you are dealing with this.

 

CS

 

Thanks, comp... I feel stuck in psycho-thriller short story a lot. Like I'm the only sane one but no one will listen because they view me as the only insane one. I know others feel this feeling. I'd suspect anyway

[alexjuice]

Nurse Ratched anyone? Sounds like she would be an improvement!!!

 

wow that's a heckuva GIF. Impressive.

 

My life is pretty cuckoos nest at times...

 

The funny thing, thinking back to that movie, I realize how baseball isn't nearly what is was. If they redid that one, I think the TV scene would be about the Superbowl now. Or a reality show.

[alexjuice]

Zyprexa for weight loss. Yes, by all means, lets screw up the endocrine system a bit more. Unbelievable. They are really clueless about how to determine and treat underlying causes, especially if it's out of the ordinary- weight loss, low BP, etc. Medical mysteries.

 

You have amazing patience and perseverance, Alex.

 

Thanks Barb. So do you.

 

On Zyprexa... How could an astute human recommend that to me after knowing me for two years? My doc lacks awareness. Zyprexa for weight gain? How bout HIV infection for weight loss???

 

There's no reason to waste keystrokes on how stupid the idea is beyond saying it was galatically so.

[alexjuice]

Three years ago, I was up for two days on crystal meth with a well-meaning (then homeless) old friend. That was a really bad night. Risperdal, Effexor and drugs. Drugs and drugs.

 

Last time I did a drug. Three months later I started first (aborted) Effexor taper.

 

It's been a Russian winter for three years. But it'd been a Siberian blizzard for the previous 11. Maybe some spring sometime soon. If not, at least I'm free from the old me.

[Karma]

Hey Alex,

 

The thing with RT3 versus FT3 is that you want to know what the ratio is. I ran the ratio for the labs you posted based on pg/mL and it is 7.3 ... the ratio needs to be above 20 https://eaware.org/thyroid-gland/#rt3. Assuming the measures for each lab, RT3 and FT3 are the same, you have a severe RT3 problem. Now if the FT3 is in a different measure than pg/mL my calculations are rubbish. I usually have to convert one or the other of the measures, but you didn't give the measure for you FT3.

 

If you have too much RT3 it is attaching to the receptors in your cells and blocking active T3 from getting to you cells. Maybe you can share the information provided from eAware.org and have your doctor begin an RT3 treatment protocol. The concern I would have with that is that if your iron is low you will not be able to utilize T3.

 

I don't know if I help or not, but I care

Karma

[Skyler]

On Zyprexa... How could an astute human recommend that to me after knowing me for two years? My doc lacks awareness. Zyprexa for weight gain? How bout HIV infection for weight loss???

 

There's no reason to waste keystrokes on how stupid the idea is beyond saying it was galatically so.

 

Sorry, I can't resist.

 

How about baldness??

[alexjuice]

Thanks Karma. You are quite the empath and your expertise is appreciated.

 

The cortisol connection is really eye-catching.

[alexjuice]

Sorry, I can't resist.

 

How about baldness??

 

What's funny is that I've visited a number of hair loss forums where male hormones are discussed. Not to belittle... But the % of men absolutely freaking out (My LIFE IS OVER!!!!) about premature balding (I'LL DO ANYTHING!!!! JUST DON'T LET ME LOSE MY HAIR)... In a way it's comforting. I'd hate to be one of those guys, they have no coping skills or perspective.

 

Of course, as I think you're alluding, there are also men with severe and hard-to-reverse sexual and hormonal side effects from taking a little pill to hold onto their hair a little longer.

 

Anyway, I will one day be pretty bald at which point I'll just Michael Jordan the scalp. Hopefully I'll be healthier. A very skinny guy with a shaved head looks... lifeless.

[Barbarannamated]

This certainly changes ones priorities and perspective, eh? I find it intensely difficult to listen to people's complaints about trivial things. Of course, I'm certain i did the same before this. My empathy is all whacked. None for some; out of control for the ones nobody else recognizes as suffering.

[alexjuice]

Karma,

 

Just wanted to add that the values are pg/ml in both...

 

My iron, actually, is middling to sometimes higher in the range. Once it was flagged as too high promptly a hemochromatosis eval...

 

I will talk to my doctor about the rt3. Well, once I find a doctor. I have an upcoming appt with someone supposedly good in August. My current "thyroid" doc is gonna run some follow up labs but she's moreorless fired because she stinks.

 

Lastly, I do need to redo these labs so take them with a grain of salt. I got twisted up with a med interaction and number of things went screwy and may not be settled down. For instance by free T went from 8.4 (which is low, IMO) to 26 (which the lab flagged HIGH)... Now free T back to about 8 but still residual weirdness.

 

Thanks for your help.

[Rhiannon]

This certainly changes ones priorities and perspective, eh? I find it intensely difficult to listen to people's complaints about trivial things. Of course, I'm certain i did the same before this. My empathy is all whacked. None for some; out of control for the ones nobody else recognizes as suffering.

 

At work lately I've gotten some compliments on my calm and easygoing disposition. I'm like--turn around to look behind me to see who they're talking about, because that sure ain't me! But I think maybe what they're referring to is this. I can't get worked up about the trivial stuff.

 

I've had to let go of most of what people think makes life worth living, because it's been taken from me. (My life started with torture and rape when I was a little kid, so really I never had a chance at that stuff anyway.) I have to focus on what's in front of me and bringing as much joy and healing and goodness into this moment right here now as I can, because that's all I've got.

 

Oddly somehow it makes it easier to tolerate and even love people just like they are. Except for, well, all the times I can't.

 

The hardest for me is dealing with people who've always had it pretty easy and have had smooth, successful lives and have accumulated money and comfortable retirement accounts. I feel so envious, and also frustrated that I must seem like a loser to them, even though I've been fighting all my life and have overcome tremendous odds brilliantly.

 

Okay, getting off on another subject. Maybe I'll start a thread about this eventually. It's just so frustrating, most of the people who are my age with my general intelligence and overall resourcefulness are in a completely different place from me economically and in terms of how society sees them, successful and respected, married, happy, et cetera. I know that on the inside I'm amazing and spiritually deeply accomplished and such, but people don't see insides, they just see outsides, and most of what I am is invisible on the outside.

[alexjuice]

 

The hardest for me is dealing with people who've always had it pretty easy and have had smooth, successful lives and have accumulated money and comfortable retirement accounts. I feel so envious, and also frustrated that I must seem like a loser to them, even though I've been fighting all my life and have overcome tremendous odds brilliantly.

 

I feel this too.

 

I'll add this which you may already know but not so deeply to feel it. One of the most illustrative things about hanging out at my dads gatherings (rich guys) and with my stepmoms friends (Botox, gown competition) was watching the ways they complained and learning of their miseries. My step mom, for example, is financially and interpersonally secure. Socially as well. Hang around for sufficient wine consumption and she'll eventually blather on on her life's unbearably hardness.

 

Fearful of losing everything she has always valued and taking for granted all she has.

 

She retired at 33 years old. (Put retired in quotes.) For the last 15 years shes lived a total life of luxury and leisure. Though if i told her shed had a smooth, successful life she'd enrage and, probably break down in tears. It's very hard being her I think... If you are her.

[alexjuice]

This certainly changes ones priorities and perspective, eh? I find it intensely difficult to listen to people's complaints about trivial things. Of course, I'm certain i did the same before this. My empathy is all whacked. None for some; out of control for the ones nobody else recognizes as suffering.

 

This is such a good point. Its hard for me, reminding me of things I do not have. It's also hard because, objectively, being housebound largely due to illness makes it difficult to empathize with the distresses of the healthy. I quit a group therapy after realizing I could no longer stand it.

 

My favorite example from group. This woman returned to grad school, her parents paid for her schooling and bought her a downtown loft to reside while studying. Upon graduation, like two years ago, the market in her field was tight and she could find no work in this city. She got a job at a state hospital, a good job in here field, but located 90 minutes away so she would need to relocate.

 

New career. Found a job. Just what shed wanted to do. And she was miserable about it because there are no good restaurants and nigh spots in the hospital's town. I was glad when she took herself and sadness out of our group and to that other town.

[alexjuice]

I've had to let go of most of what people think makes life worth living, because it's been taken from me. (My life started with torture and rape when I was a little kid, so really I never had a chance at that stuff anyway.) I have to focus on what's in front of me and bringing as much joy and healing and goodness into this moment right here now as I can, because that's all I've got.

 

I'm sad to hear about the start of things for you.

 

I think of things, normal things, civilized people compete about. Youthfulness, family, money, sexual fulfillment, romantic/family fulfillment, economic security, emotional support, physical protection from threat, money, status, work appropriate to their capabilities, recognition appropriate to their accomplishments relative to their potential which is contingent on individual endowments....

 

To me seems all stem from desire to be loved, secure and viewed by others consistent with our self-view...

 

Whatever the particulars, I try to remind myself that I may find my place someday. You can do this too, Rhi. You're laying foundation by responsibly tapering. We never know for sure but time tends to surprise long.