Nadia Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Yep. '94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever. 1/13 Best I've ever felt. 3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows. 4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time. Link to comment
Barbarannamated Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Great description, all! This stagnant holding pattern is awful. And the Groundhog Day Effect makes it more confounding. "Unsustainably unpleasant" √ Glad to hear some of your labs came back improved, Alex! B Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment
Administrator Karma Posted November 29, 2012 Administrator Share Posted November 29, 2012 Hi Alex I think it is a good sign that your hormones are showing improvement! I know you feel like you are in a wasteland, but I think you are improving, but very slowly ... and that is what is so hard. Been there ... but I did get better. Sorry about Dr. Smiley ... she seems to only be able to focus on detoxing mold ... unfortunately you may have more going on. Hang in there - you're going to make it. Karma 2007 @ 375 mg Effexor - 11/29/2011 - 43.75 mg Effexor (regular) & .625 mg Xanax 200 mg Gabapentin 2/27/21 - 194.5 mg, 5/28/21 - 183 mg, 8/2/21 - 170 mg, 11/28/21 - 150 mg, 4/19/22 - 122 mg; 8//7/22 - 100 mg; 12/17 - 75mg; 8/17 - 45 mg; 10/16 40 mg Xanax taper: 3/11/12 - 0.9375 mg, 3/25/12 - 0.875 mg, 4/6/12 - 0.8125 mg, 4/18/12 - 0.75 ; 10/16 40mg; 1/16 0.6875 mg; at some point 0.625 mg Effexor taper: 1/29/12 - 40.625 mg, 4/29/12 - 39.875 mg, 5/11/12 - Switched to liquid Effexor, 5/25/12 - 38 mg, 7/6/12 - 35 mg, 8/17/12 - 32 mg, 9/14/12 - 30 mg, 10/19/12 - 28 mg, 11/9/12 - 26 mg, 11/30/12 - 24 mg, 01/14/13 - 22 mg. 02/25/13 - 20.8 mg, 03/18/13 - 19.2 mg, 4/15/13 - 17.6 mg, 8/10/13 - 16.4 mg, 9/7/13 - 15.2 mg, 10/19/13 - 14 mg, 1/15/14 - 13.2 mg, 3/1/2014 - 12.6 mg, 5/4/14 - 12 mg, 8/1/14 - 11.4 mg, 8/29/14 - 10.8 mg; 10/14/14 - 10.2 mg; 12/15/14 - 10 mg, 1/11/15 - 9.5 mg, 2/8/15 - 9 mg, 3/21/15 - 8.5 mg, 5/1/15 - 8 mg, 6/9/15 - 7.5 mg, 7/8/15 - 7 mg, 8/22/15 - 6.5 mg, 10/4/15 - 6 mg; 1/1/16 - 5.6 mg; 2/6/16 - 5.2 mg; 4/9 - 4.8 mg; 7/7 4.5 mg; 10/7 4.25 mg; 11/4 4.0 mg; 11/25 3.8 mg; 4/24 3.6 mg; 5/27 3.4 mg; 7/8 3.2 mg ... 10/18 2.8 mg; 1/18 2.6 mg; 4/7 2.4 mg; 5/26 2.15mg; 8/18 1.85 mg; 10/7 1.7 mg; 12/1 1.45 mg; 3/2 1.2 mg; 5/4 0.90 mg; 6/1 0.80 mg; 6/22 0.65 mg; 08/03 0.50 mg, 08/10 0.45 mg, 10/05 0.325 mg, 11/23 0.2 mg, 12/14 0.15 mg, 12/21 0.125 mg, 02/28 0.03125 mg, 2/15 0.015625 mg, 2/29/20 0.00 mg - OFF Effexor I am not a medical professional - this is not medical advice. My suggestions are based on personal experience, reading, observation and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted November 30, 2012 Administrator Share Posted November 30, 2012 Well, huzzah for the testosterone! This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
alexjuice Posted November 30, 2012 Author Share Posted November 30, 2012 Thank you guys so much for all of the love and compassion and just being there for me. You guys have helped me so much through this endeavor. lovelovelove, Alex "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Administrator Karma Posted December 1, 2012 Administrator Share Posted December 1, 2012 Oh, oh, I have a new Karma hug for you . Love ya, Alex Karma 2007 @ 375 mg Effexor - 11/29/2011 - 43.75 mg Effexor (regular) & .625 mg Xanax 200 mg Gabapentin 2/27/21 - 194.5 mg, 5/28/21 - 183 mg, 8/2/21 - 170 mg, 11/28/21 - 150 mg, 4/19/22 - 122 mg; 8//7/22 - 100 mg; 12/17 - 75mg; 8/17 - 45 mg; 10/16 40 mg Xanax taper: 3/11/12 - 0.9375 mg, 3/25/12 - 0.875 mg, 4/6/12 - 0.8125 mg, 4/18/12 - 0.75 ; 10/16 40mg; 1/16 0.6875 mg; at some point 0.625 mg Effexor taper: 1/29/12 - 40.625 mg, 4/29/12 - 39.875 mg, 5/11/12 - Switched to liquid Effexor, 5/25/12 - 38 mg, 7/6/12 - 35 mg, 8/17/12 - 32 mg, 9/14/12 - 30 mg, 10/19/12 - 28 mg, 11/9/12 - 26 mg, 11/30/12 - 24 mg, 01/14/13 - 22 mg. 02/25/13 - 20.8 mg, 03/18/13 - 19.2 mg, 4/15/13 - 17.6 mg, 8/10/13 - 16.4 mg, 9/7/13 - 15.2 mg, 10/19/13 - 14 mg, 1/15/14 - 13.2 mg, 3/1/2014 - 12.6 mg, 5/4/14 - 12 mg, 8/1/14 - 11.4 mg, 8/29/14 - 10.8 mg; 10/14/14 - 10.2 mg; 12/15/14 - 10 mg, 1/11/15 - 9.5 mg, 2/8/15 - 9 mg, 3/21/15 - 8.5 mg, 5/1/15 - 8 mg, 6/9/15 - 7.5 mg, 7/8/15 - 7 mg, 8/22/15 - 6.5 mg, 10/4/15 - 6 mg; 1/1/16 - 5.6 mg; 2/6/16 - 5.2 mg; 4/9 - 4.8 mg; 7/7 4.5 mg; 10/7 4.25 mg; 11/4 4.0 mg; 11/25 3.8 mg; 4/24 3.6 mg; 5/27 3.4 mg; 7/8 3.2 mg ... 10/18 2.8 mg; 1/18 2.6 mg; 4/7 2.4 mg; 5/26 2.15mg; 8/18 1.85 mg; 10/7 1.7 mg; 12/1 1.45 mg; 3/2 1.2 mg; 5/4 0.90 mg; 6/1 0.80 mg; 6/22 0.65 mg; 08/03 0.50 mg, 08/10 0.45 mg, 10/05 0.325 mg, 11/23 0.2 mg, 12/14 0.15 mg, 12/21 0.125 mg, 02/28 0.03125 mg, 2/15 0.015625 mg, 2/29/20 0.00 mg - OFF Effexor I am not a medical professional - this is not medical advice. My suggestions are based on personal experience, reading, observation and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus areyouthere Posted December 1, 2012 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 1, 2012 Oh, oh, I have a new Karma hug for you . Love ya, Alex Karma And me!!! . Karma hug from me too Alex!!! Fall 1995 xanax, zoloft. switched to Serzone 1996- spring 2003serzone/ xanax/ lightbox. b]Fall 2003- Fall 2004? Lexapro 10 mg. Light box /4 mg. xanax.[/b] 2004 - Fall of 2009 10 mg Lex, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL % 4 mg xanax November 2009- Sept. 2011 10 mg lex., 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax [/b Sept.2012- July 2012 20 mg Lex 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax My mantra " go slow & with the flow " 3/2/13.. Began equal dosing 5 Xs /day xanax, while simultaneously incorporating a 2.5 % drop ( from 3.5 mg/day to 3.4 mg/day) 4/6/13 dropped from 300 mg. Wellbutrin XL to 150 mg. Difficult but DONE! Down to 3.3 mg xanax/ day / 6/10/13 3 mg xanax/day; 7/15/2013 2.88mg xanax/day. 10/ 1/2013...... 2.5 mg xanax… ( switched to tablets again) WOO HOO!!!!!! Holding here… cont. with Lexapro. 1/ 2/2014.. tapered to 18mg ( by weight) of a 26 mg ( by weight) pill of 20 mg tab. lexapro. goal is 13mg (by weight OR 10 mg by ingredient content) and STOPPED. Feeling very down with unbalanced, unpredictable WD symptoms. 1/2/2014- ??? Taking a brain-healing break from tapering anything after actively tapering something for 1.5 years. So… daily doses as of 2/2/2014: 18 mg by weight Lex, 150 mg Well. XL, 2.5 mg xanax, down from 26 mg by weight Lex., 300 mg well. XL, 4 mg xanax in August, 2012. I'll take it. 5/8/14 started equivalent dose liquid./ tabs. 5/13/14 1.5 % cut. Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted December 1, 2012 Administrator Share Posted December 1, 2012 Me, too This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted December 1, 2012 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 1, 2012 And me! As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
alexjuice Posted December 1, 2012 Author Share Posted December 1, 2012 WOW. Awesome hugs y'all!! "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
alexjuice Posted December 1, 2012 Author Share Posted December 1, 2012 Thanks, Alex... the reason I asked is because I'm considering starting a 6 month "training" with the Gupta material, or maybe cobbling something together from the posts on the discussion board. I think it might help accelerate my healing, but it's hard to know without having a complete grasp on what the techniques are. I have mixed impressions about NLP and EFT. I have seen some videos online of people doing tapping and it seems like they have replaced whatever problems they have with manic OCD behaviors. But Rhi has said a lot of people don't get it. She pointed to posts by a certain person on the discussion boards that "get it". Aside from the specific methods, I am becoming more and more convinced that brain-training type of therapies can have a positive effect on us for issues such as hypersensitivity. This is not to say that our issues are psychosomatic, but that our brains are really powerful and can affect the physical. There are studies on meditation that show this, for example. I think I just need to develop a regular practice, and I'm still evaluating what the best options are. Anyway, just wanted your opinion since you've got a good eye. I figure we have to bring out the whole arsenal if we can! Good luck with the antimicrobials. My friend has had a real journey with finding what works for her as well. She is also hypersensitive, and her doctor also is frustrated with her and tells her to stick to things that she knows are hurting her. But she has picked and chosen and luckily the Monolaurin has really helped her. I talked with Rhi about this a couple of months ago. I know she's put a lot of thought into limbic system dysfunction and, from what I know of it, am inclined to agree with her assessment. I took a look at some introductory videos but got diverted with moving and then moving and then moving ... I'll take another look. I agree about the arsenal. I think part of the problem is we've seen doctors who have bolstered certain elements of our defenses to the detriment of others. And now we're all out of whack. I am trying to balance shoring up weak spots needing urgent care, with taking care of myself from a holistic perspective. It took me a long while, for instance, to understand ideal nutrition. I still am uncertain of what's 100% ideal but I have eliminated the things that are 100% bad, which has made a big difference, I think. Alex "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
alexjuice Posted December 1, 2012 Author Share Posted December 1, 2012 UPDATE: Trying some chinese herbs, which are helping with digestion. (I don't know what they are, and my acupuncturist didn't know how either except in Chinese of course. I don't like not knowing what I am taking, that's the only downside.) I have muscle pain in my arms and shoulders. This has been going on for a long time, at least a few months. At first I was simply weak, lacking strength and stamina. Now I wake up in pain. It feels like the muscle mass in my arms is being torn. I talked to my doctor about this before but she said it was a mold problem. I will emphasize it at our next appointment. I am gaining a little weight, I am 5-7lbs up from my low. This makes my muscle pain in arms more confusing as my arms seem to be wasting away, yet I am gaining weight?? Also, I mentioned this before in someone's thread, but I am a big fan of the perfecthealthdiet blog and the new edition of the perfect health diet book will be released in a couple weeks and I am excited to get a copy. Alex "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted December 2, 2012 Administrator Share Posted December 2, 2012 First testosterone, now a few pounds. Good signs? This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
alexjuice Posted December 4, 2012 Author Share Posted December 4, 2012 First testosterone, now a few pounds. Good signs? Think so. Hope so. "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
alexjuice Posted December 4, 2012 Author Share Posted December 4, 2012 UPDATE: More energy lately, better mood. Increased muscle weakness in arms, shoulders and upper thigh. Initiating Rx treatment for protozoal infection detected in stool. Flagyl. Perhaps this protozoa is affecting my blood vessels and joints as well. If so, it'd give a neat explanation for variety of symptoms. Vocal stamina, clarity and power uptick with chinese herbal tea. Though tea does seem to cause headache and joint pain -- I'll discuss side effx w/ acupunturist. Alex "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Sparrow Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 Rooting for you, Alex. Sparrow 2009-2011: tapered off Trazodone, Namenda, Lamictal, Dextroamphetamine, Zyprexa; cold-turkeyed Pristiq; reduced Lexapro dose 50%.On clonazepam since 2004, 0.5 - 1.0 mg daily PRN. Three failed (too rapid) partial tapers, 2010 - 2011.Dec. 2011 - March 2013: Tapered off 0.5 mg clonazepam (Klonopin) August 2013: Switched to liquid escitalopram (Lexapro) and began tapering from 10 mg. January 2014: 4.5 mg escitalopram March 2014: One year off benzos May 2014: 3.0 mg escitalopram June 2014: severe depression, updosed to 4.0 mg Sept 1, 2014: 2.7 mg Dec 7, 2014: Can't get below 2.5 mg without unbearable symptoms. Doing an extended hold (I hope) March 2015: TWO YEARS POST-BENZO Link to comment
alexjuice Posted December 5, 2012 Author Share Posted December 5, 2012 Rooting for you, Alex. Thanks, Sparrow! "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Skier Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 Hey Alexejice Skier here, I just joined. I have been reading other member's stories to get some strength. Thank you for sharing yours. I hope you are doing well today. Oxy addiction in high school. Went to rehab in 2001. Never touched them again. 2009 Suicide Attempt hospitalization started on 50 mg Zoloft Was on some other meds in the hospital don't remember Just stayed on Zoloft over time dose went up to where I am know 200mg daily Link to comment
alexjuice Posted December 9, 2012 Author Share Posted December 9, 2012 After taking prescriptions for GI infection, I've noticed further tissue loss below the belt. I'm nearing the end of my rope. The funny thing is people I knew in the last decade, they think I'm off getting drunk somewhere. Instead, this thing. Now I live in a house unfurnished but with two mattresses, a futon and a patio set in the kitchen while I watch myself dissolve away. "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Barbarannamated Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I'm sorry, Alex. This must be difficult after seeing an improvement so recently. Thanks for the thought-provoking and insightful threads you've started. I appreciate the way you express your turmoil about your (our) situation. You echo my mental meanderings. Please hang in there. B Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment
Administrator Karma Posted December 10, 2012 Administrator Share Posted December 10, 2012 Oh, Alex, I'm sorry - I hate set backs, but you've had some progress and I am sure you will continue to heal. It would probably be helpful if your home was furnished ... that would reduce some stress. I'm thinking of you, I pray for your continued healing and shelter conducive to healing every day. Love ya, Karma 2007 @ 375 mg Effexor - 11/29/2011 - 43.75 mg Effexor (regular) & .625 mg Xanax 200 mg Gabapentin 2/27/21 - 194.5 mg, 5/28/21 - 183 mg, 8/2/21 - 170 mg, 11/28/21 - 150 mg, 4/19/22 - 122 mg; 8//7/22 - 100 mg; 12/17 - 75mg; 8/17 - 45 mg; 10/16 40 mg Xanax taper: 3/11/12 - 0.9375 mg, 3/25/12 - 0.875 mg, 4/6/12 - 0.8125 mg, 4/18/12 - 0.75 ; 10/16 40mg; 1/16 0.6875 mg; at some point 0.625 mg Effexor taper: 1/29/12 - 40.625 mg, 4/29/12 - 39.875 mg, 5/11/12 - Switched to liquid Effexor, 5/25/12 - 38 mg, 7/6/12 - 35 mg, 8/17/12 - 32 mg, 9/14/12 - 30 mg, 10/19/12 - 28 mg, 11/9/12 - 26 mg, 11/30/12 - 24 mg, 01/14/13 - 22 mg. 02/25/13 - 20.8 mg, 03/18/13 - 19.2 mg, 4/15/13 - 17.6 mg, 8/10/13 - 16.4 mg, 9/7/13 - 15.2 mg, 10/19/13 - 14 mg, 1/15/14 - 13.2 mg, 3/1/2014 - 12.6 mg, 5/4/14 - 12 mg, 8/1/14 - 11.4 mg, 8/29/14 - 10.8 mg; 10/14/14 - 10.2 mg; 12/15/14 - 10 mg, 1/11/15 - 9.5 mg, 2/8/15 - 9 mg, 3/21/15 - 8.5 mg, 5/1/15 - 8 mg, 6/9/15 - 7.5 mg, 7/8/15 - 7 mg, 8/22/15 - 6.5 mg, 10/4/15 - 6 mg; 1/1/16 - 5.6 mg; 2/6/16 - 5.2 mg; 4/9 - 4.8 mg; 7/7 4.5 mg; 10/7 4.25 mg; 11/4 4.0 mg; 11/25 3.8 mg; 4/24 3.6 mg; 5/27 3.4 mg; 7/8 3.2 mg ... 10/18 2.8 mg; 1/18 2.6 mg; 4/7 2.4 mg; 5/26 2.15mg; 8/18 1.85 mg; 10/7 1.7 mg; 12/1 1.45 mg; 3/2 1.2 mg; 5/4 0.90 mg; 6/1 0.80 mg; 6/22 0.65 mg; 08/03 0.50 mg, 08/10 0.45 mg, 10/05 0.325 mg, 11/23 0.2 mg, 12/14 0.15 mg, 12/21 0.125 mg, 02/28 0.03125 mg, 2/15 0.015625 mg, 2/29/20 0.00 mg - OFF Effexor I am not a medical professional - this is not medical advice. My suggestions are based on personal experience, reading, observation and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers Link to comment
alexjuice Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 Thanks for the postings of support. Symptoms have worsened. I may go back on antifungal medication, I don't know. I am feeling anger. My brain fog has cleared a bit. I recall more events and missed events from my younger days. I visualize the thread of my life and see all the decisions helping me to here. I struggle more with others' decisions. Why did nobody do anything to help me? It can't be so simple as too many were benefiting from my 'illness'.?. Saw on net a report about how that killer-kid in Connecticut had been 'working' with a counselor... Got upset. I spent hours with therapists, crying for help directly and indirectly. I desperately needed one to intervene and DO SOMETHING on my behalf. Nobody ever did. And lately I see these cases of raging murderers who'd been in therapy but the therapists, being hostile to judgement and conclusion, never DO ANYTHING. Nasty recall to my own situation, besides being outright tragedies, these shootings. My old psychiatrist, in his heart, knows he fucked me up. I am angry with him but at least he doesn't pretend like the drugs weren't part of the problem. My former therapists, so far as I know, all think they did me some giant service. Alex "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
alexjuice Posted December 18, 2012 Author Share Posted December 18, 2012 UPDATE: I see a fertility doctor tomorrow. I plan to check my functioning. I never thought I wanted to have kids. More lately though I've realized how I don't know what I might want... I am also considering trying to sue my psychiatrist. I don't know if this is feasible, but I intend to call a few lawyers. I think he misdiagnosed me due to his own disorientation. And he did other things of questionable ethics. I probably do not have a case but feel a duty to call around. After all of this damage, it'd be good for my conscious to know I took every available step to clear my name. At some point, I will consider writing a letter stating my position for inclusion in my medical records. Or I'll have a doctor write one for me. I don't like my paper trail. It's an unfair embarrassment. For instance if you Google 'Alexej Ice' the first image is my mugshot from last Xmas. I chafes me to think of that pic is misperceived. Sister and brother/law coming for Xmas. Not excited. I hate the holidays the last few years -- oh since 99 or so. Merry Christmas to those revelers more 'psyched' about the holiday than I. Alex ps - It's damn near 90 degrees outside right now. Ho! Ho! Ho! "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus areyouthere Posted December 18, 2012 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 18, 2012 I am also considering trying to sue my psychiatrist. I don't know if this is feasible, but I intend to call a few lawyers. Go for it Alex. You may be the first but I venture to guess not the last. Lead the fricking way. Fall 1995 xanax, zoloft. switched to Serzone 1996- spring 2003serzone/ xanax/ lightbox. b]Fall 2003- Fall 2004? Lexapro 10 mg. Light box /4 mg. xanax.[/b] 2004 - Fall of 2009 10 mg Lex, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL % 4 mg xanax November 2009- Sept. 2011 10 mg lex., 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax [/b Sept.2012- July 2012 20 mg Lex 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax My mantra " go slow & with the flow " 3/2/13.. Began equal dosing 5 Xs /day xanax, while simultaneously incorporating a 2.5 % drop ( from 3.5 mg/day to 3.4 mg/day) 4/6/13 dropped from 300 mg. Wellbutrin XL to 150 mg. Difficult but DONE! Down to 3.3 mg xanax/ day / 6/10/13 3 mg xanax/day; 7/15/2013 2.88mg xanax/day. 10/ 1/2013...... 2.5 mg xanax… ( switched to tablets again) WOO HOO!!!!!! Holding here… cont. with Lexapro. 1/ 2/2014.. tapered to 18mg ( by weight) of a 26 mg ( by weight) pill of 20 mg tab. lexapro. goal is 13mg (by weight OR 10 mg by ingredient content) and STOPPED. Feeling very down with unbalanced, unpredictable WD symptoms. 1/2/2014- ??? Taking a brain-healing break from tapering anything after actively tapering something for 1.5 years. So… daily doses as of 2/2/2014: 18 mg by weight Lex, 150 mg Well. XL, 2.5 mg xanax, down from 26 mg by weight Lex., 300 mg well. XL, 4 mg xanax in August, 2012. I'll take it. 5/8/14 started equivalent dose liquid./ tabs. 5/13/14 1.5 % cut. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted December 19, 2012 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 19, 2012 I am also considering trying to sue my psychiatrist. I don't know if this is feasible, but I intend to call a few lawyers. Go for it Alex. You may be the first but I venture to guess not the last. Lead the fricking way. The only problem is those who sue tend to incur the highest cost. In mental anguish, and for the amount of time it takes to move a suit along. That said, the mental exercise of thinking about doing so can be most satisfying. As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
Barbarannamated Posted December 19, 2012 Share Posted December 19, 2012 Alex, Sending a huge dose of moral support your way. Has that MD been reprimanded by medical board? I know that my psychiatrist has, but not sure how that might play into a lawsuit. There is a website or blog called "psychsuits" or similar that tracks mental health litigation and fines. I'll try to find in case it might be of help. I'm definitely not a holiday reveler either. Last holiday I enjoyed was probably during childhood. B EDIT: This is not the one I saw before, but has some info. The one I saw previously had cases where proper labwork/screening and monitoring was not done prior to starting drugs and during therapy. Naturally, I found that interesting. http://www.psychcrime.org/database/show_all.php Looks like the one: http://psychcrimereporter.wordpress.com/about/ Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment
Brandy Posted December 19, 2012 Share Posted December 19, 2012 Hi, Alex, Writing this on the fly as usual, but hope my quick thoughts might be helpful. I have read of countless people wanting to sue pharmaceutical companies or their doctors but for reasons I won't go into now, it's not feasible, even though their situations are appalling and should never have happened. Your case sounds different for many reasons. I just wanted to make that clear for new members especially, since they may not be familiar with what happened to you. I'm no lawyer lord knows, and also should refresh myself on your history when time permits, but as I recall it sounds like there was actual malpractice in your case. Different from the very valid concerns of so many (including me) of being given incomplete, deceptive, or outright lies about these meds and habituation/withdrawal, etc. I urge you if you choose to pursue this to (1) find an attorney who specializes in medical malpractice and is knowledgeable and experienced with this specialty, and (2) see if your case can possibly be taken on a contingency basis - not pay the lawyer upfront. (That alone should distinguish whether the attorney feels you have a case that will hold up in court.) One possible "spanner in the works" might be that your medical records would show the mold exposure, and it might be hard to discern what is from what. But I think you were experiencing problems from improper (even in the eyes of the pharmaceutical industry) prescribing prior to moving back home where the mold is, and a good malpractice attorney should be able to determine what can be established as being from the improper medical care. I hope so much that things get better for you soon. I was "TryingToGetWell" (aka TTGW) on paxilprogress. I also was one of the original members here on Surviving Antidepressants I had horrific and protracted withdrawal from paxil, but now am back to enjoying life with enthusiasm to the max, some residual physical symptoms continued but largely improve. The horror, severe derealization, anhedonia, akathisia, and so much more, are long over. My signature is a temporary scribble from year 2013. I'll rewrite it when I can. If you want to read it, click on http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/209-brandy-anyone/?p=110343 Link to comment
alexjuice Posted December 20, 2012 Author Share Posted December 20, 2012 Thanks for the responses. I doubt I'll sue my old psychiatrist, though I intend to discuss a lawsuit with a lawyer. I think I'll feel better to have done it. Such a baaaddddd day today. I visited Dr. Y. Seeing her reminds me of when I lived briefly in a sober house that was extremely dysfunctional -- even for a halfway house. The home's owner was a deranged former crack head who found God. He ruled over us, threatening expulsion from the house for not making up the bed, military style, by 8am and stuff like that. There is really nothing like being bossed around like a child by an OCD, pedophile, crackhead because you have no other roof under which to hide your head. This guy ... man. Dr. Y has this power, benzo-power and I am required to listen to her. She's like 2 levels behind what's going on with me. She thinks my anxiety is my primary problem and ... Today was awful. Missed my specimen analysis because of a time mix up. Fertility specimen, so just imagine how bad a day can start, use the width of the imagination really filling the scene, it's been that bad a day. Y iced the cake. In the real world, I'd wouldn't task Dr. Y with taking down the driving directions. "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
alexjuice Posted December 20, 2012 Author Share Posted December 20, 2012 Why will I get better? Because. Because. Because. Because. Because of the wonderful things he does. Alex "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus areyouthere Posted December 20, 2012 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 20, 2012 Hey... wizardry rocks! Fall 1995 xanax, zoloft. switched to Serzone 1996- spring 2003serzone/ xanax/ lightbox. b]Fall 2003- Fall 2004? Lexapro 10 mg. Light box /4 mg. xanax.[/b] 2004 - Fall of 2009 10 mg Lex, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL % 4 mg xanax November 2009- Sept. 2011 10 mg lex., 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax [/b Sept.2012- July 2012 20 mg Lex 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax My mantra " go slow & with the flow " 3/2/13.. Began equal dosing 5 Xs /day xanax, while simultaneously incorporating a 2.5 % drop ( from 3.5 mg/day to 3.4 mg/day) 4/6/13 dropped from 300 mg. Wellbutrin XL to 150 mg. Difficult but DONE! Down to 3.3 mg xanax/ day / 6/10/13 3 mg xanax/day; 7/15/2013 2.88mg xanax/day. 10/ 1/2013...... 2.5 mg xanax… ( switched to tablets again) WOO HOO!!!!!! Holding here… cont. with Lexapro. 1/ 2/2014.. tapered to 18mg ( by weight) of a 26 mg ( by weight) pill of 20 mg tab. lexapro. goal is 13mg (by weight OR 10 mg by ingredient content) and STOPPED. Feeling very down with unbalanced, unpredictable WD symptoms. 1/2/2014- ??? Taking a brain-healing break from tapering anything after actively tapering something for 1.5 years. So… daily doses as of 2/2/2014: 18 mg by weight Lex, 150 mg Well. XL, 2.5 mg xanax, down from 26 mg by weight Lex., 300 mg well. XL, 4 mg xanax in August, 2012. I'll take it. 5/8/14 started equivalent dose liquid./ tabs. 5/13/14 1.5 % cut. Link to comment
stan Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 hello, i just fall on your videos youtube, and there are many!!! congratulations! for anxiety 12 years paxil - cold turkey 1,5 month - switch celexa 1 year taper; total 13 years on brain meds 67 years old - 9 years med free in protracted withdrawal rigidity standing and walking, dryness gougerot-szoegren, sleep deteriorate, function as have a lack of nerves, improving have been very little Link to comment
alexjuice Posted December 21, 2012 Author Share Posted December 21, 2012 Hi Stan! How did you find the videos? From this forum? Yes, there are many. At first they were very long and then they got shorter but it's probably hours of me talking now. Ha. "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Administrator Karma Posted December 22, 2012 Administrator Share Posted December 22, 2012 Hi Alex Sorry to hear you had such a crappy day. I had a rough one, too - two emotional meltdowns today - my emotional meltdowns. I think I know why and it should improve, but man! I hate it. I'm so sorry you had a difficult day. It sounds like Dr. Y is holding you hostage and is unwilling to learn from your observations. That kind of arrogance makes me crazy and I won't stand for it. When my docs didn't play well in the sandbox with me I found replacements, but I guess that is easier to do with hormone treatment than benzo treatments. Not sure this is helpful, but I feel your pain, Alex. Love and light, and Merry Christmas Karma 2007 @ 375 mg Effexor - 11/29/2011 - 43.75 mg Effexor (regular) & .625 mg Xanax 200 mg Gabapentin 2/27/21 - 194.5 mg, 5/28/21 - 183 mg, 8/2/21 - 170 mg, 11/28/21 - 150 mg, 4/19/22 - 122 mg; 8//7/22 - 100 mg; 12/17 - 75mg; 8/17 - 45 mg; 10/16 40 mg Xanax taper: 3/11/12 - 0.9375 mg, 3/25/12 - 0.875 mg, 4/6/12 - 0.8125 mg, 4/18/12 - 0.75 ; 10/16 40mg; 1/16 0.6875 mg; at some point 0.625 mg Effexor taper: 1/29/12 - 40.625 mg, 4/29/12 - 39.875 mg, 5/11/12 - Switched to liquid Effexor, 5/25/12 - 38 mg, 7/6/12 - 35 mg, 8/17/12 - 32 mg, 9/14/12 - 30 mg, 10/19/12 - 28 mg, 11/9/12 - 26 mg, 11/30/12 - 24 mg, 01/14/13 - 22 mg. 02/25/13 - 20.8 mg, 03/18/13 - 19.2 mg, 4/15/13 - 17.6 mg, 8/10/13 - 16.4 mg, 9/7/13 - 15.2 mg, 10/19/13 - 14 mg, 1/15/14 - 13.2 mg, 3/1/2014 - 12.6 mg, 5/4/14 - 12 mg, 8/1/14 - 11.4 mg, 8/29/14 - 10.8 mg; 10/14/14 - 10.2 mg; 12/15/14 - 10 mg, 1/11/15 - 9.5 mg, 2/8/15 - 9 mg, 3/21/15 - 8.5 mg, 5/1/15 - 8 mg, 6/9/15 - 7.5 mg, 7/8/15 - 7 mg, 8/22/15 - 6.5 mg, 10/4/15 - 6 mg; 1/1/16 - 5.6 mg; 2/6/16 - 5.2 mg; 4/9 - 4.8 mg; 7/7 4.5 mg; 10/7 4.25 mg; 11/4 4.0 mg; 11/25 3.8 mg; 4/24 3.6 mg; 5/27 3.4 mg; 7/8 3.2 mg ... 10/18 2.8 mg; 1/18 2.6 mg; 4/7 2.4 mg; 5/26 2.15mg; 8/18 1.85 mg; 10/7 1.7 mg; 12/1 1.45 mg; 3/2 1.2 mg; 5/4 0.90 mg; 6/1 0.80 mg; 6/22 0.65 mg; 08/03 0.50 mg, 08/10 0.45 mg, 10/05 0.325 mg, 11/23 0.2 mg, 12/14 0.15 mg, 12/21 0.125 mg, 02/28 0.03125 mg, 2/15 0.015625 mg, 2/29/20 0.00 mg - OFF Effexor I am not a medical professional - this is not medical advice. My suggestions are based on personal experience, reading, observation and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted December 25, 2012 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 25, 2012 Good Solstice to you Alex. You did a great deal to make your life better, and I'm hoping the next few months bring a turnaround. As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
stan Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 hello Alexejice, i do not come often here but still come, i found a video in random in youtube, you had a face of someone struggling who makes fear, i looked the name brianderson and then see alexejice, (i remember you speak having websites), and i made some research to be sure it is you, and happily see it is you, it is as simple as this; be strong, first goal be free of meds, and then hanging on, nothing is easy after years on neurotoxics for anxiety 12 years paxil - cold turkey 1,5 month - switch celexa 1 year taper; total 13 years on brain meds 67 years old - 9 years med free in protracted withdrawal rigidity standing and walking, dryness gougerot-szoegren, sleep deteriorate, function as have a lack of nerves, improving have been very little Link to comment
jr1985 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Hi Alex, sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I hope things start to look up for you soon! 2003-2011: Paroxetine,Citalopram,Effexor; Aug/Sept 2011: Effexor to Mirtazapine; Oct 2011: C/T Mirtazapine back to Effexor; Nov/Dec 2011: Fast Tapered Effexor - w/d hell; Feb 2012: Reinstated Effexor 37.5mg; June 2012: Dropped to 35.6mg; Jan 2016: Propranolol 2.5mg per day for general anxiety; Feb 2016: Finasteride 0.25mg per week to slow hair loss; 18th May - 8th June 2019: Started Vyvanse 7.5mg and increased by 7.5mg weekly to 30mg (lowest “therapeutic” dose for adults).; 21st June 2019 - 12th July: Cross tapered from venlafaxine brand Rodomel to Efexor (1/4 > 1/2 > 3/4 weekly before ditching Rodomel); 13th July 2019: Cut Vyvanse dose to 15mg; 15th July 2019: Akathisia returned after years of being free; 16th July 2019: Went back up to Vyvanse 30mg Supplements: Omega-3, Vitamin D, Zinc, Phosphatidylserine Link to comment
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