alexjuice Posted June 2, 2013 Author Share Posted June 2, 2013 Thanks for Barb and RU. Appreciate the responses... UPDATE: Experiencing a nasty rash on my arm, raised red and blistery. Dr Smiley is not sure what it is. I asked if it could be shingles. She wondered, maybe? But didn't think so... I don't know... The rash is really unpleasant and not really getting better. Been a week. I'm going to get another opinion. I've had 3 opinions so far. The doctor, the acuputurist and the chiropractor and none really suggested anything as a cause... I feel exhausted by illness. I am strongly considering going back to New England. I think the doctor gave me the best treatment. My mom wants to go back there to live for awhile -- my sister is having a baby -- and it might be the best thing for me too. I can't go on this way much longer here ... I don't know, I am grinding out the moments of my life and I feel aimless. I wish I had better memories. I don't talk to many people or see many people and I am feeling so terrible. I think a lot and I have mostly bad memories: anger, trauma, sadness, anxiety, panic, all the horsemen of despair... I will continue to grind it out... which is no way to live ... Hope you guys are feeling ok. Alex "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Rhiannon Posted June 2, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 2, 2013 Hey there Alex... As usual, no answers, just hugs, and respect and admiration for your intelligence and courage, as always. New England will probably at the very least be a more pleasant place to spend the summer than Texas, no? Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010. Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea. Feb 15 2010: 300 mg Neurontin 200 Lamictal 10 Celexa 0.65 Xanax and 5 mg Ambien Feb 10 2014: 62 Lamictal 1.1 Celexa 0.135 Xanax 1.8 Valium Feb 10 2015: 50 Lamictal 0.875 Celexa 0.11 Xanax 1.5 Valium Feb 15 2016: 47.5 Lamictal 0.75 Celexa 0.0875 Xanax 1.42 Valium 2/12/20 12 0.045 0.007 1 May 2021 7 0.01 0.0037 1 Feb 2022 6 0!!! 0.00167 0.98 2.5 mg Ambien Oct 2022 4.5 mg Lamictal (off Celexa, off Xanax) 0.95 Valium Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion. Link to comment
alexjuice Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 Thanks Rhi. Texas has thus far been tepid. A couple weeks ago my mom went to boston for my sister's baby shower and said it was much hotter there... QUICK UPDATE: Going for bloodwork tomorrow, looking for a systemic mold infection or fungal infection. I've found a chiropractor who I like and have suspended acupuncture. I am trying some immune boosing therapies. At present my immune function is depressed, which is a feature of ochratoxicity which is a condition that persists even after moving to this apartment. As time goes on, I am going to get more creative (desperate) to try to get to better before it is too late. I have reflected lately on how I conduct my life after Drugs. I've noticed I am much quicker to follow my instincts to reduce risk. If I am in public and a stranger sets off my sketchiness radar or a big dog sets off my danger alert, I quickly depart the area. I have a small margin for error and my main strategy is to survive to some point in the future when I can get better. I am choosing to take calculated risks with medical treatment so I am no reserving any risk allowance for interpersona stress and so on and so forth... Hope you guys are feeling ok today. "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
alexjuice Posted June 11, 2013 Author Share Posted June 11, 2013 Continue to make progress on BDz taper. I finished diazepam taper in May. In 9 months I reduced from 12.5mg to 0mg. Still taking clonazepam. Glad to be free from diazepam but still wish I never started it in the first place, horrible experience. "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus areyouthere Posted June 12, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 12, 2013 Continue to make progress on BDz taper. I finished diazepam taper in May. In 9 months I reduced from 12.5mg to 0mg. That's FANTASTIC!!! How has it affected how you feel physically ? RU Fall 1995 xanax, zoloft. switched to Serzone 1996- spring 2003serzone/ xanax/ lightbox. b]Fall 2003- Fall 2004? Lexapro 10 mg. Light box /4 mg. xanax.[/b] 2004 - Fall of 2009 10 mg Lex, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL % 4 mg xanax November 2009- Sept. 2011 10 mg lex., 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax [/b Sept.2012- July 2012 20 mg Lex 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax My mantra " go slow & with the flow " 3/2/13.. Began equal dosing 5 Xs /day xanax, while simultaneously incorporating a 2.5 % drop ( from 3.5 mg/day to 3.4 mg/day) 4/6/13 dropped from 300 mg. Wellbutrin XL to 150 mg. Difficult but DONE! Down to 3.3 mg xanax/ day / 6/10/13 3 mg xanax/day; 7/15/2013 2.88mg xanax/day. 10/ 1/2013...... 2.5 mg xanax… ( switched to tablets again) WOO HOO!!!!!! Holding here… cont. with Lexapro. 1/ 2/2014.. tapered to 18mg ( by weight) of a 26 mg ( by weight) pill of 20 mg tab. lexapro. goal is 13mg (by weight OR 10 mg by ingredient content) and STOPPED. Feeling very down with unbalanced, unpredictable WD symptoms. 1/2/2014- ??? Taking a brain-healing break from tapering anything after actively tapering something for 1.5 years. So… daily doses as of 2/2/2014: 18 mg by weight Lex, 150 mg Well. XL, 2.5 mg xanax, down from 26 mg by weight Lex., 300 mg well. XL, 4 mg xanax in August, 2012. I'll take it. 5/8/14 started equivalent dose liquid./ tabs. 5/13/14 1.5 % cut. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted June 12, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 12, 2013 Continue to make progress on BDz taper. I finished diazepam taper in May. In 9 months I reduced from 12.5mg to 0mg. That's FANTASTIC!!! How has it affected how you feel physically ? RU Hey Alex, I was just coming around to ask you the same... are you feeling any better with that stuff finally out of your system? And congrats.. you kicked free. One down, one to go. Moving in the right direction. As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
Barbarannamated Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Alex, That's GREAT!! Thanks for the inspiring update. Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment
alexjuice Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 I am glad to be done with it. I have noticed a couple of things since I took my last valium, decreased motivation and gallbladder problems. I am dealing with other stuff -- a mycotoxin poisoning -- so it's hard to really know. I definitely struggled for a while with energy/motivation which may be common especially for people who were treated on high dose neuropetics. I'm very glad to be off the damn valium, it was a very challenging taper with three moves going on, one cross country, and the mold problem as well. Thanks for the good wishes! "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
alexjuice Posted June 14, 2013 Author Share Posted June 14, 2013 Some housekeeping: I became an assistant administrator here back in February 2012. I recall starting in that role just before I passed out after a bath in my old house and subsequently suffered a snowballs rolling fall in my general health. Unfortunately, I never was able to participate fully as a moderator and, still being preoccupied with mold exposure and infectious disease, I've retired as an admin and returned to a general member. That's the end of the housekeeping note. Hope you guys are feeling ok today. Alex "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted June 14, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 14, 2013 Hi Alex, I'm sorry you resigned for the reasons you did.. but glad you did what you felt best. As always, I'm pulling for you. Skyler As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Jemima Posted June 14, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 14, 2013 I'm sorry to see you resigned from your admin/mod position, but it's certainly understandable. Get well, big guy. Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's RazorIntroduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/ Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers. Link to comment
alexjuice Posted June 15, 2013 Author Share Posted June 15, 2013 Thank you so much Skyler and Jemima for your kindness and supportive words. Greatly appreciated! UPDATE: In heath news, I sent off a large order of mold labwork which Dr. Smiley ordered and also sent off more typical lab work to check into kidney function mainly. I am curious to see what the mold labs report. The findings there will dictate how i proceed. I am generally concerned but rightnow hopeful. Alex "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Narcissus Posted June 15, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 15, 2013 Some housekeeping: I became an assistant administrator here back in February 2012. I recall starting in that role just before I passed out after a bath in my old house and subsequently suffered a snowballs rolling fall in my general health. Unfortunately, I never was able to participate fully as a moderator and, still being preoccupied with mold exposure and infectious disease, I've retired as an admin and returned to a general member. That's the end of the housekeeping note. Hope you guys are feeling ok today. Alex Thanks for all the work you've put in for the site Alex. Best of luck on the tests. 3 Years 150 mgs Effexor 2 month taper down to zero 3 terrible weeks at zero Back up to 75 mgs 2 months at 75 6 or so months back to regular dose of 150 - was able to restabilize fine. 3 month taper back to zero 1 HORRENDOUS week at zero 2 days back up to 37.5 3 days back up to 75 One week at 150 - unable to stabilize. Back down to 75 mgs At 75 mgs (half original dose) and suffering withdrawal symptoms since October 2012. "It is a radical cure for all pessimism to become ill, to remain ill for a good while, and then grow well for a still longer period." - Nietzsche Link to comment
lexicon Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 Dear Alex, I was just reading your thread, and wanted to say, I am so very saddened for what you have gone through .. At the same time, how much I admire your determination and perseverance . You are brave of heart and soul. I will include you in my prayers dear Alex. Sending you love, and thoughts of healing .. xx Lexi Hello, I am tapering Lorazepam, and my daily dose is 1.125 mgs. I followed a long hold for 5 months, ( Nov-March 2019) hoping to find some stability, but it did not work. So I resumed my taper and hold pattern. For the last 3 years, I have been using a daily microtaper, cutting .001mgs per day, with holds as needed. Symptoms are head pressure, labored breathing, palpitations, abrupt surges of dizziness, this being my worst symptom for now, internal tremors, my latest nemesis, unsteadiness, anxiety, plus many other symptoms that cycle in, and cycle out consistently. Not a day passes, without grief I take no other meds. January 2013 - 15 day quick taper off 10 mgs of Lexapro, and 25 mgs of Sertraline, at a detox clinic. Link to comment
alexjuice Posted June 19, 2013 Author Share Posted June 19, 2013 Thank you very much for the kind words, lex. UPDATE I have terminated my relationship with Dr. Y because visiting her office was too difficult and unnecessary. (For newcomers to thread, Dr Y shares an office with my old psychiatrist and I saw them concurrently for a year or two with Dr Y writing my benzo scripts because my old shrink was prohobited from prescribing them.) Since I have tapered quite a bit, the 3 months of refills I have on Dr Y's klonpin will last much longer than 3 months and if I need klonopin after the refills expire I have secured the services of Dr Caring to fulfill them. I am very grateful to no longer be on diazepam as Dr Caring has never prescribed it and was not comfortable doing so for me, but she is comfortable with clonazepam, a comfort differential I am sure many who have tried Ashton crossover are aware of... I may soon be leaving Texas to go up to Massachuesetts for a while... I am not sure and would really prefer to stay home but I may get better medical care around Boston... I think I am doing a bit better. I drove the car at night today, which is something I very rarely do because my vision has deteroriated and my eyes look bloodshot. But I was triumphant in making a night time run to my mothers house to pick up a package... I continue to taper down klonopin and am having a lot of gallbladder pain... Also, above I referenced nerve pain in the colon... The pain/numbness has improved. I also developed a blistery rash on my arm. The rash has healed up. I think both the rash and the pain are related with the elevated level of ochratoxin in my body and also with the benzo taper. I suspect that the benzo taper is having an effect on my gallbladder which is having an effect on my mold symptoms... I am recovering from a bad, horrific neurological trauma that occurred after I used a healing oil on my skin rash and had an adverse reaction. I was out of commission for 3 days and woozy for a fwe more. This oil caused my worst adverse ever as I was slurring and having trouble moving my arms as I would want to and losing memory and so on... I seem to have fully recovered after these days... Ok. Hope you guys are feeling ok. PS -- I wrote down daily hour by hour notes every single day (nearly) from October until April but I lost them to the mold toxins when we moved and I didn't take anything with me ... I really wish I had my notes. I recorded every thing I ate every supplement every notable symptom and that data was very valuable to me and is now lost... I am very sad. "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Rhiannon Posted June 19, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 19, 2013 Continue to make progress on BDz taper. I finished diazepam taper in May. In 9 months I reduced from 12.5mg to 0mg. Still taking clonazepam. Glad to be free from diazepam but still wish I never started it in the first place, horrible experience. YAY! Off the diazepam at last, way to go! How are you feeling with that? Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010. Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea. Feb 15 2010: 300 mg Neurontin 200 Lamictal 10 Celexa 0.65 Xanax and 5 mg Ambien Feb 10 2014: 62 Lamictal 1.1 Celexa 0.135 Xanax 1.8 Valium Feb 10 2015: 50 Lamictal 0.875 Celexa 0.11 Xanax 1.5 Valium Feb 15 2016: 47.5 Lamictal 0.75 Celexa 0.0875 Xanax 1.42 Valium 2/12/20 12 0.045 0.007 1 May 2021 7 0.01 0.0037 1 Feb 2022 6 0!!! 0.00167 0.98 2.5 mg Ambien Oct 2022 4.5 mg Lamictal (off Celexa, off Xanax) 0.95 Valium Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion. Link to comment
alexjuice Posted June 19, 2013 Author Share Posted June 19, 2013 Hey Rhi, Yes, I am really glad that nearly three years after I added some valium for tapering purposes that I am finally off of that one. Of course, I added the valium with the idea that it would faciliate a smoother ride off of clonazepam however I am still quite dependent on the clonazepam ... I don't think anyone who has read my thread will be surprised to hear me say that I do not recommend diazepam or cross-tapers generally and wish I'd stuck with the devil I knew only... I am doing pretty well off the diazepam, I think. I took the last one on May 12 and some time later I noticed a real drop in energy and motivation -- it was a challenge to make food or brush teeth. Then more recently I had a very bad reaction and that kicked me over. I have bounced back and have resumed my normal activity level without feeling the loss of motivation, reward or stamina... I am happy to be finished with diazepam, finished forever.... Alex "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted June 21, 2013 Administrator Share Posted June 21, 2013 Oh, alex, what good news, finally. Rootin' for ya, big guy.... This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
MrAnxious Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Hang in there Alex ! You are doing this , and congrats for getting off one. I know how hard it is when you want off something you gotta jump on something else, one devil for another, hope and faith and taking care of yourself is the best you can ask for. You have been through the dryer and back and probably learned a heck of alot about yourself, more than other people could ever imagine, great introspection into your life, wouldn't life be boring if we never experienced this (sarcasm). Hugs- your on the road to recovery. Next stop - Health and happiness 2007-2012started Effexor xr 225mg -150mg- Varied2months of Taper,(March 22/2012 Off Med/in W/D)Currently No medicationMarch 22/2012- August 16/2012 - Totally Off Effexor( Rough Rough time) Reinstatement for a week(didn't work)****** New Doctor******* Very nice/helpful and in touch.Tried Zoloft- No successAUGUST 17/2012- STARTED 37.5 EFFEXOR FOR ONE WEEK - NOT GOOD < STOPPED.Started Buspar Oct 11th 2012----10 mg for the first 7 days and then 15mg a day---- Taking a new route----Racing thoughts - Gone.Oct 9th ( Done Zoloft,wellbutrin week project trial to feel better) - OFFICIALLY OFF ANTI DEPRESSANT !Oct 26 - Raised Buspar to 20mg a day- Tolerating wellJan 2nd 2013- Reduce Buspar until full off march 20th 2015 Off all medication ! Tried natural supplements to no avail Gluten/sugar free since december 2013 Link to comment
alexjuice Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 Thanks Mr Anxious. Yes, life would be okay with me if it was a little less boring now and then. Hah UPDATE: Undecided whether to return to New England, where I left to last fall, with my mother who wants to spend the summer with my sister who will give birth in July... I have been holding my benzo taper for a June. I intend to pick it back up soon... There are some professors in College Station, TX who wrote a paper on ochratoxin poisoning and I am trying to contact one of the authors in the hopes that he is familiar with clinicians who treat this problem. Dr. Smiley has encouraged me to gradually initiate a sauna treatment which she thinks might help but she recommends that I start it really slowly due to hypersensitivity... It's funny when I first saw Smiley she totally downplayed my fears about adverse reactions due to hypersensitivity. Now that I've been seeing her off and on for 10 months due to mold exposure and she has witnessed a number of major setbacks she is very cautious with me and recommends 1/8 doses to start with. Her whole conversion I find somewhat comforting and somewhat depressing -- look how much work it took just to get this supposed expert to acknowledge what in time she came to see was simply the reality and needed respecting more than acknowledging... "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Administrator Karma Posted July 1, 2013 Administrator Share Posted July 1, 2013 Hey Alex It is sad that doctors don't believe us when we explain the bizarre events we experience from withdrawal sensitivity. But I do think it is positive that Dr. Smiley has adjusted her approach based on what she has witnessed with you. We are the guinea pigs ... the doctors that are willing to learn from us will be able to guide the next generation of AD and benzo withdrawal sufferers ... and that beats the heck out them blindly following what they learned in medical school or from the pharmaceutical companies. When I need to make a decision I ask what my head tells me, then what my heart tells me and then what my spirit tells me ... I usually always get good direction if I can really listen to my spirit and I get really clear on where the other choices are coming from. (Seems odd I would recommend that rather than making a list of pros and cons ... but sometimes we can't get there through logic.) Love ya, Alex. Here is a Karma hug for you because you haven't had one in awhile ... ah have a couple Karma 2007 @ 375 mg Effexor - 11/29/2011 - 43.75 mg Effexor (regular) & .625 mg Xanax 200 mg Gabapentin 2/27/21 - 194.5 mg, 5/28/21 - 183 mg, 8/2/21 - 170 mg, 11/28/21 - 150 mg, 4/19/22 - 122 mg; 8//7/22 - 100 mg; 12/17 - 75mg; 8/17 - 45 mg; 10/16 40 mg Xanax taper: 3/11/12 - 0.9375 mg, 3/25/12 - 0.875 mg, 4/6/12 - 0.8125 mg, 4/18/12 - 0.75 ; 10/16 40mg; 1/16 0.6875 mg; at some point 0.625 mg Effexor taper: 1/29/12 - 40.625 mg, 4/29/12 - 39.875 mg, 5/11/12 - Switched to liquid Effexor, 5/25/12 - 38 mg, 7/6/12 - 35 mg, 8/17/12 - 32 mg, 9/14/12 - 30 mg, 10/19/12 - 28 mg, 11/9/12 - 26 mg, 11/30/12 - 24 mg, 01/14/13 - 22 mg. 02/25/13 - 20.8 mg, 03/18/13 - 19.2 mg, 4/15/13 - 17.6 mg, 8/10/13 - 16.4 mg, 9/7/13 - 15.2 mg, 10/19/13 - 14 mg, 1/15/14 - 13.2 mg, 3/1/2014 - 12.6 mg, 5/4/14 - 12 mg, 8/1/14 - 11.4 mg, 8/29/14 - 10.8 mg; 10/14/14 - 10.2 mg; 12/15/14 - 10 mg, 1/11/15 - 9.5 mg, 2/8/15 - 9 mg, 3/21/15 - 8.5 mg, 5/1/15 - 8 mg, 6/9/15 - 7.5 mg, 7/8/15 - 7 mg, 8/22/15 - 6.5 mg, 10/4/15 - 6 mg; 1/1/16 - 5.6 mg; 2/6/16 - 5.2 mg; 4/9 - 4.8 mg; 7/7 4.5 mg; 10/7 4.25 mg; 11/4 4.0 mg; 11/25 3.8 mg; 4/24 3.6 mg; 5/27 3.4 mg; 7/8 3.2 mg ... 10/18 2.8 mg; 1/18 2.6 mg; 4/7 2.4 mg; 5/26 2.15mg; 8/18 1.85 mg; 10/7 1.7 mg; 12/1 1.45 mg; 3/2 1.2 mg; 5/4 0.90 mg; 6/1 0.80 mg; 6/22 0.65 mg; 08/03 0.50 mg, 08/10 0.45 mg, 10/05 0.325 mg, 11/23 0.2 mg, 12/14 0.15 mg, 12/21 0.125 mg, 02/28 0.03125 mg, 2/15 0.015625 mg, 2/29/20 0.00 mg - OFF Effexor I am not a medical professional - this is not medical advice. My suggestions are based on personal experience, reading, observation and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 2, 2013 Author Share Posted July 2, 2013 Thanks Karma. I love the hugs! Also in the off event that anyone thinks that mold toxicity may have affected them or are simply curious about what I am dealing with, specifically ochratoxicity, here is a very nice paper summarizing the facts and treatment theories on this particular form of bioiillness which I have found online: http://www.hindawi.com/journals/jeph/2012/835059/ Hope everyone is feeling okay. "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 11, 2013 Author Share Posted July 11, 2013 I've been gearing up to restart the benzo taper after a hold of about 60 days. I keep meaning to start it but I keep putting it off because last round I experienced such debilitating fatigue and loss of horsepower. I couldnt find the strength or even care to brush my teeth. Once a psychiatrist told me this is basically because of 'side effects' of the antipsychotics effects which are masked by benzodiazepines. Whatever the cause, I am home alone and I need to be able to make myself food to eat and this is very difficult for me, and even difficult to admit. I am adamant to reduce the BDZ as there is a prospective treatment I am starting that works a lot better on a lower dose of benzos. My sister's baby is due to arrive today. I may go visit her soon in Maine (I keep saying that). It's hot in Texas right now but one reason I hesitate to leave to go to New England is that I feel that the sun and heat is ideal for me right now. I am trying some standard process herbal supplements ... we'll see about that ... real slow... Sometimes I forget how serious my sensitivities were 2 years ago and how much better they have gotten. However, because they have gotten so much better I sometimes forget how terribly sensitive I still remain and I must always start with near homeopathic doses. Also my memory is very poor lately. So I forget a lot. "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 11, 2013 Author Share Posted July 11, 2013 Also, didn't mention, I am dreamng bout camping indefinitely. I feel traumatized by the indoors and want to live in the fresh air. This is probably not realistic since I am barely taking care of myself as it is... "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Barbarannamated Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 Also, didn't mention, I am dreamng bout camping indefinitely. I feel traumatized by the indoors and want to live in the fresh air. This is probably not realistic since I am barely taking care of myself as it is...Depending on the type of camping (not anything extreme or remote), this might be empowering and confidence-boosting. Perhaps a brief trial of camping or a trip staying in hotels on your own first..? Full time RVing holds great appeal for me. Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 12, 2013 Author Share Posted July 12, 2013 Yes, Barb, that's what I was thinking. Full time RVing is not really an option as present, but I don't know what the realistic options are. I sometimes feel like my situation is very dire and that there is nothing that can be done. It's been such a long struggle that some of the new setbacks are finding me less able to resist. I feel very strongly that I am going to breakout soon, one way or another and I think I am likely to do worse rather than better but I am not scared. I am very tired and have worked very diligently to try to reclaim my life. I don't get teh sense that there is anything less for me to prove. I am okay at the moment with whatever comes next. "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted July 13, 2013 Administrator Share Posted July 13, 2013 alex, please know there are people here, like me, who love you. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted July 13, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 13, 2013 I am very tired and have worked very diligently to try to reclaim my life. I don't get teh sense that there is anything less for me to prove. I am okay at the moment with whatever comes next. Or more for you to prove, you are already sooo worthy of reclaiming your life. Alex, even when you have been in the throws the worst symptoms your kind gentle soul peeped through. It's okay not to fight at times. Know your inner kindness is an invaluable reservoir, we see you for who you really are.. and that's way more than a composite of symptoms. Maybe you need to believe that you don't need to believe in order to recover, that it's okay to doubt and be afraid. Hugs, Skyler As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus areyouthere Posted July 14, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 14, 2013 Thinking good thoughts for you at this time Alex. Hoping some strength returns to you soon. And if it doesn't.... well make sure that you're eating ok...ok??? RU Fall 1995 xanax, zoloft. switched to Serzone 1996- spring 2003serzone/ xanax/ lightbox. b]Fall 2003- Fall 2004? Lexapro 10 mg. Light box /4 mg. xanax.[/b] 2004 - Fall of 2009 10 mg Lex, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL % 4 mg xanax November 2009- Sept. 2011 10 mg lex., 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax [/b Sept.2012- July 2012 20 mg Lex 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax My mantra " go slow & with the flow " 3/2/13.. Began equal dosing 5 Xs /day xanax, while simultaneously incorporating a 2.5 % drop ( from 3.5 mg/day to 3.4 mg/day) 4/6/13 dropped from 300 mg. Wellbutrin XL to 150 mg. Difficult but DONE! Down to 3.3 mg xanax/ day / 6/10/13 3 mg xanax/day; 7/15/2013 2.88mg xanax/day. 10/ 1/2013...... 2.5 mg xanax… ( switched to tablets again) WOO HOO!!!!!! Holding here… cont. with Lexapro. 1/ 2/2014.. tapered to 18mg ( by weight) of a 26 mg ( by weight) pill of 20 mg tab. lexapro. goal is 13mg (by weight OR 10 mg by ingredient content) and STOPPED. Feeling very down with unbalanced, unpredictable WD symptoms. 1/2/2014- ??? Taking a brain-healing break from tapering anything after actively tapering something for 1.5 years. So… daily doses as of 2/2/2014: 18 mg by weight Lex, 150 mg Well. XL, 2.5 mg xanax, down from 26 mg by weight Lex., 300 mg well. XL, 4 mg xanax in August, 2012. I'll take it. 5/8/14 started equivalent dose liquid./ tabs. 5/13/14 1.5 % cut. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Rhiannon Posted July 14, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 14, 2013 Thinking of you Alex...I'm down in Weslaco this week. Hot and muggy here, dealing with my dissociative crazy family, doing okay so far. Did your sister have her baby? Are you still in Texas? HUGS! Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010. Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea. Feb 15 2010: 300 mg Neurontin 200 Lamictal 10 Celexa 0.65 Xanax and 5 mg Ambien Feb 10 2014: 62 Lamictal 1.1 Celexa 0.135 Xanax 1.8 Valium Feb 10 2015: 50 Lamictal 0.875 Celexa 0.11 Xanax 1.5 Valium Feb 15 2016: 47.5 Lamictal 0.75 Celexa 0.0875 Xanax 1.42 Valium 2/12/20 12 0.045 0.007 1 May 2021 7 0.01 0.0037 1 Feb 2022 6 0!!! 0.00167 0.98 2.5 mg Ambien Oct 2022 4.5 mg Lamictal (off Celexa, off Xanax) 0.95 Valium Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion. Link to comment
annelle Posted July 14, 2013 Share Posted July 14, 2013 Hi Alexejice, You have sent me some very kind words several times, so I just feel like sending you a few kind thoughts. I really hope you will feel better soon - I understand that you have had a really tough journey, and I sincerely hope that you will find the strength to continue the journey. It seems to me that the worst must be behind you now, so it would be a shame for you to hang in the towel now. I am thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way! And thank you again for your helpful words to me Alopam (benzodiazepine) first prescribed 1994Akarin (citalopram) from 2002 Mirtazepine for about 2 months for insomnia in 2003 or 2004Changed from Akarin to Effexor 2005Started Nexium 2005Changed from Effexor to Akarin 2006Stopped Alopam after slow tapering 2006Changed from Akarin to Cipralex 2006Started Seroquel (quetiapine) 2006Changed from Nexium to Omeprazol 2006Started tramadol 2008Started pramipexole for restless legs syndrome 2008Stopped Seroquel after quick tapering 2009Stopped tramadol 2011Stopped Omeprazol August 2012Stopped Cipralex (escitalopram) (after an appr 6 weeks taper) on Oct 13, 2012Reinstated Cipralex 5 mg on May 18 - on May 22 went down to 2.5 mg Cipralex - June 1 down to 2 mg Cipralex, oral drops - June 26 down to 1.20 mg - July 27 updosed to 1,30 mg - Sept 14 down to 1,00 mg of own tablet liquid - Oct 20 down to 0,90 mg Link to comment
annelle Posted July 14, 2013 Share Posted July 14, 2013 I meant to say, 'throw in the towel', not hang in I think I got the saying mixed up with 'hang up your gloves' - sorry Alopam (benzodiazepine) first prescribed 1994Akarin (citalopram) from 2002 Mirtazepine for about 2 months for insomnia in 2003 or 2004Changed from Akarin to Effexor 2005Started Nexium 2005Changed from Effexor to Akarin 2006Stopped Alopam after slow tapering 2006Changed from Akarin to Cipralex 2006Started Seroquel (quetiapine) 2006Changed from Nexium to Omeprazol 2006Started tramadol 2008Started pramipexole for restless legs syndrome 2008Stopped Seroquel after quick tapering 2009Stopped tramadol 2011Stopped Omeprazol August 2012Stopped Cipralex (escitalopram) (after an appr 6 weeks taper) on Oct 13, 2012Reinstated Cipralex 5 mg on May 18 - on May 22 went down to 2.5 mg Cipralex - June 1 down to 2 mg Cipralex, oral drops - June 26 down to 1.20 mg - July 27 updosed to 1,30 mg - Sept 14 down to 1,00 mg of own tablet liquid - Oct 20 down to 0,90 mg Link to comment
lexicon Posted July 14, 2013 Share Posted July 14, 2013 Thinking of you Alex, Sending you thoughts of healing .. Hang in there, we will be success stories one day soon. Take good care, Hugs, Lexi Hello, I am tapering Lorazepam, and my daily dose is 1.125 mgs. I followed a long hold for 5 months, ( Nov-March 2019) hoping to find some stability, but it did not work. So I resumed my taper and hold pattern. For the last 3 years, I have been using a daily microtaper, cutting .001mgs per day, with holds as needed. Symptoms are head pressure, labored breathing, palpitations, abrupt surges of dizziness, this being my worst symptom for now, internal tremors, my latest nemesis, unsteadiness, anxiety, plus many other symptoms that cycle in, and cycle out consistently. Not a day passes, without grief I take no other meds. January 2013 - 15 day quick taper off 10 mgs of Lexapro, and 25 mgs of Sertraline, at a detox clinic. Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 alex, please know there are people here, like me, who love you. Thank you so much Alto, I have tremendous love and admiration for you and your work and your determination. Alex "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 I am very tired and have worked very diligently to try to reclaim my life. I don't get teh sense that there is anything less for me to prove. I am okay at the moment with whatever comes next. Or more for you to prove, you are already sooo worthy of reclaiming your life. Alex, even when you have been in the throws the worst symptoms your kind gentle soul peeped through. It's okay not to fight at times. Know your inner kindness is an invaluable reservoir, we see you for who you really are.. and that's way more than a composite of symptoms. Maybe you need to believe that you don't need to believe in order to recover, that it's okay to doubt and be afraid. Hugs, Skyler Great thoughts Skyler. I've been in the dumps of late, overwhelmed and unceratin. Your kindness means a lot to me. HUGS back. "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 Thinking good thoughts for you at this time Alex. Hoping some strength returns to you soon. And if it doesn't.... well make sure that you're eating ok...ok??? RU Thank you RU. I am hoping for this as well, and for everyone, not only me! "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
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