alexjuice Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 Thinking of you Alex...I'm down in Weslaco this week. Hot and muggy here, dealing with my dissociative crazy family, doing okay so far. Did your sister have her baby? Are you still in Texas? HUGS! This summer has been weird in central Texas, where I am at present, been mild mostly. Today was cool and rainy... Sister has not yet had the baby, my mom was visiting her but came back to Texas and we (mom and I) are possibly going to New England this week. I am not at all sure if I should go back with her or not. It's complicated and I need to decide by tomorrow. Did you get this storm down in Weslaco? "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 I meant to say, 'throw in the towel', not hang in I think I got the saying mixed up with 'hang up your gloves' - sorry I think I know what you meant, annelle... :-) I do thank you for the kind thoughts. The support means a lot to me when things are going poorly so ... yea, it really means a lot! Thanks again! "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 Thinking of you Alex,Sending you thoughts of healing .. :)Hang in there, we will be success stories one day soon.Take good care,Hugs, Lexi Thank you Lex. i need all the thoughts of healing I can get right now, please keep them coming! I look forward to writing my success story and reading yours too, Lexi! "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Rhiannon Posted July 16, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 16, 2013 Thinking of you Alex...I'm down in Weslaco this week. Hot and muggy here, dealing with my dissociative crazy family, doing okay so far. Did your sister have her baby? Are you still in Texas? HUGS! This summer has been weird in central Texas, where I am at present, been mild mostly. Today was cool and rainy... Sister has not yet had the baby, my mom was visiting her but came back to Texas and we (mom and I) are possibly going to New England this week. I am not at all sure if I should go back with her or not. It's complicated and I need to decide by tomorrow. Did you get this storm down in Weslaco? No storms down here yet. Muggy and hot mostly, went out to South Padre today though and that was sweeeet. Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010. Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea. Feb 15 2010: 300 mg Neurontin 200 Lamictal 10 Celexa 0.65 Xanax and 5 mg Ambien Feb 10 2014: 62 Lamictal 1.1 Celexa 0.135 Xanax 1.8 Valium Feb 10 2015: 50 Lamictal 0.875 Celexa 0.11 Xanax 1.5 Valium Feb 15 2016: 47.5 Lamictal 0.75 Celexa 0.0875 Xanax 1.42 Valium 2/12/20 12 0.045 0.007 1 May 2021 7 0.01 0.0037 1 Feb 2022 6 0!!! 0.00167 0.98 2.5 mg Ambien Oct 2022 4.5 mg Lamictal (off Celexa, off Xanax) 0.95 Valium Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion. Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 17, 2013 Author Share Posted July 17, 2013 I went to S. Padre once in high school with my dad and younger siblings. I ran into all sorts of classmates drinking it up on spring break and I felt like a big dork being with my family. I remember Padre being very dense of partiers. The whole of it is, what, a few miles?? Also, I'd only been to the beach in New England and had never before in been swimming in warm ocean water, and that was fun. "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 17, 2013 Author Share Posted July 17, 2013 UPDATED 7/15/2013 The brief case history of Alexejice (now that the thread is many pages)Alex is my alias.I moved across the country at age 10 for my dad's job. Soon after, my dad left my mom and she became depressed and unavailable. I had no engaged parents from 13 onwards.I went off to college and struggled with anxiety. I felt alone and reached out to a therapist rather than my family or friends who I felt were untrustworthy. The therapist eventually persuaded me to visit the psychiatrist next door, Dr, FG to try the 'new' and 'safe' antidepressants. In 1997, I started Prozac, prescribed by Dr. FG. My anxiety worsened and so I hopped the AD merry-go-round in search of the one that 'worked for me'.I trusted Dr FG and this proved a mistake. By 2000, FG had diagnosed me with a psychotic disorder and I was taking over $1,000 a month in medication including Remeron, Zyprexa, Depakote, Klonopin, Buspar, Celexa, Zoloft, and others. I deteriorated and my thinking an behavior became more disturbed. I assumed I needed the drugs or else I'd get even worse, I never considered that the drugs were inducing the dysfunction or that my schizoaffective diagnosis was essentially a doctor's drunken mistake. (I did not then know that my doctor, FG, is a drug addict and had relapsed during these years and was practicing recklessly for which the state medical board would later suspend his licensce.) I couldn't cope with the psychiatric drugs's side effects, and started drinking excessively and secretly. My parents provided me with an allowance so I was able to live in an isolated manner. Years went by, sad years... In 2004 I tried to discontinue the meds, because I had a moment of semi-clarity.I followed my doctor's rapid detox plan. The withdrawal was unbearable and I increased alcohol drinking to cope. I became hopeless of mind and consented to go away to a recommended addiction rehab center. Rehab successfully convinced me that I had both a serious, lifelong mentall illness and an incurable alcoholism. I left on a battery of high-dose medications and intent of staying sober.I struggled with the side effects of all those drugs and craved alcohol. I barely left the couch except to intermittently attend a college class or buy a sheet cake to satisfy a sugar craving. I shortly returned to drinking and, eventually, doing street drugs. Very quickly I lost hold of the remnants of control and impulsivity of a pathological sort led to a bankruptcy... in every sense of that term.I went broke, too sick to work, treated like an embarrassment and failure by my family. I decided to die.I survived a suicide attempt in 2008. I went to a hospital for more treatment for addiction, mental illness and, now suicidal tendancies. When I left the hospital I was 30 years old, I'd spent my entire adulthood to that point on drugs.After a bad year without a permanent residence, I abandoned hope and decided to discontinue the meds I needed like a diabetic needed his ... (y'all know the rest)...Early 2010 I became ill (again) after discontinuining all medication. To cope with this illness I started back on clonazepam a benzodiazepine for anxiety.For a brief moment I thought I'd be ok. I found no trouble in leaving aside drugs or alcohol. I started to realize that psychiatric drugs had been a hugely negative factor in my life. This was a shocking realization, having lost everything and returned to live at mother's as a 'suicide case'...The brief moment didn't last as I got ill on a trip. When I got home, I only got sicker, developing digestive problems.Before I could recover from this illness, I got then sick again in 2012 at which time I discovered massive amounts of toxic mold in my bathroom at my mother's house. My mother and I left her house after a professional environmental assessment.I've learned I have an impaired immune system and that years of psychiatric medication, as well as environmental toxic exposure, have made this very serious. I have been infected with numerous pathogens though remain sensitive to treatment due to hypersensitivity. I can't eat 'normally' or achieve sexual function or perform cognitively... I resolved my drinking problem. I have not taken an illegal drug since the summer of 2009. I harbor zero cravings for alcohol or drug abuse.I still take benzodiazepines and am working to taper down my dose. I have not had a job since 2009. With the exception of about 3 months in 2010, I have not gone one day since 1997 without taking a psychiatric drug. I remain ill in numerous ways and the psychiatric drugging and side effects thereof have been massively influential, IMO, in affecting my immune function and ability to recover. I remain ill....This abbreviated history omits almost the entirety of my personal suffering. Believe me, this has been a Kafka-esque nightmare. My world has become small. Most health professionals do not understand my case and misinterpret my condition because of my medication history.I try to maintain a positive attitude and hope to get back to my levels of cognitive, autonomic, and interpersonal functioning of my teen years. These Drugs have ruled my entire adulthood. I have lost a lot of time and lot of everything one can lose.Okay. That wasn't so short. But it's quicker than reading the entire thread.Best wishes,Alex "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 UPDATE: I have settled in at my new lodging in New England. Flight out here was awful. I am aiming to be well enough to drive home -- it's probably a 5 day drive -- so that would mean a major improvement in health... I am strongly considering incorporating near infrared sauna into my program to help with immune system challenges... Continuing benzo taper... Wet and damp here today. Ugh "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted July 23, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 23, 2013 UPDATE: I have settled in at my new lodging in New England. Flight out here was awful. I am aiming to be well enough to drive home -- it's probably a 5 day drive -- so that would mean a major improvement in health... Wet and damp here today. Ugh Sorry to hear your flight was awful. That said, Welcome to NE! And yes, it is wet and damp today... humidity hereabouts is 80%. Ugh As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 We got in at midnight on Friday and it was 90 degrees, which is, of course, nuts. Right now it's downright chilly and wet... At leaast compared to where I came from in central Tx... I do like it up here. I was born up up here and a lot of sensibilities are baked in my ethnic catholic east coast upbringing... "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Rhiannon Posted July 24, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 24, 2013 Wow, you did it! Has the baby been born yet? Keep us posted on the Adventures of Alexi in New England. Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010. Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea. Feb 15 2010: 300 mg Neurontin 200 Lamictal 10 Celexa 0.65 Xanax and 5 mg Ambien Feb 10 2014: 62 Lamictal 1.1 Celexa 0.135 Xanax 1.8 Valium Feb 10 2015: 50 Lamictal 0.875 Celexa 0.11 Xanax 1.5 Valium Feb 15 2016: 47.5 Lamictal 0.75 Celexa 0.0875 Xanax 1.42 Valium 2/12/20 12 0.045 0.007 1 May 2021 7 0.01 0.0037 1 Feb 2022 6 0!!! 0.00167 0.98 2.5 mg Ambien Oct 2022 4.5 mg Lamictal (off Celexa, off Xanax) 0.95 Valium Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Baxter Posted July 24, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 24, 2013 Welcome back Alex. You caught the end of a miserable, humid heat wave. But hey, it's New England so it will change, right? 1989 - 1992 Parnate* 1992-1998 Paxil - pooped out*, oxazapam, inderal 1998 - 2005 Celexa - pooped out* klonopin, oxazapam, inderal *don't remember doses 2005 -2007 Cymbalta 60 mg oxazapam, inderal, klonopin Started taper in 2007: CT klonopin, oxazapam, inderal (beta blocker) - 2007 Cymbalta 60mg to 30mg 2007 -2010 July 2010 - March 2018 on hiatus due to worsening w/d symptoms, which abated and finally disappeared. Then I stalled for about 5 years because I didn't want to deal with W/D. March 2018 - May 2018 switch from 30mg Cymbalta to 20mg Celexa 19 mg Celexa October 7, 2018 18 mg Celexa November 5, 2018 17 mg Celexa December 2, 2019 16 mg Celexa January 6, 2018 15 mg Celexa March 7, 2019 14 mg Celexa April 24, 2019 13 mg Celexa June 28, 2019 12.8 mg Celexa November 10, 2019 12.4 Celexa August 31, 2020 12.2 Celexa December 28, 2020 12 mg Celexa March 2021 11 mg Celexa February 2023 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted July 24, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 24, 2013 Welcome back Alex. You caught the end of a miserable, humid heat wave. But hey, it's New England so it will change, right? Yeah, but Baxter, I thought it was supposed to be cooler in New England than Texas. That night the temp where I am in SE MA never fell below 80 degrees! And it was probably hotter in Boston where Alex landed. Eeek. That Friday was interminable. As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
Barbarannamated Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 Hey Alex. I hope you have a good time with your family in New England and getting away from "the scene of the crimes", so to speak, may be helpful. I found this info on "Glamping" (glamorous camping) that relates to earlier discussion on camping alternatives. I hope it might give you some ideas. http://glamping.com/categories.html Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment
Barbarannamated Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 Hey Alex. I hope you have a good time with your family in New England and getting away from "the scene of the crimes", so to speak, may be helpful. I found this info on "Glamping" (glamorous camping) that relates to earlier discussion on camping alternatives. I hope it might give you some ideas. http://glamping.com/categories.html Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 25, 2013 Author Share Posted July 25, 2013 Thanks Barb. I don't feel terrific about it and the trip is not off to a good start. I talked to Smiley on the telephone today as my Lyme culture has returned and it shows a positive for Lyme Disease. I feel like I am crawling with critters in the body as well and have to find a doctor up here for parasites. The house in Maine in also too moldy which causes inflammation and burning skin and makes life suck. The weather is dreary and I feel damp. My sister is in the hospital today. She is very late with her pregnancy so her labor is being induced today. My mother is developing a number of the same symptoms I've had for the past year like food intolerances and inflamed bowel and skin symptoms around moldy stuff. Everyone around here is stressed out. "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted July 25, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 25, 2013 I talked to Smiley on the telephone today as my Lyme culture has returned and it shows a positive for Lyme Disease. I feel like I am crawling with critters in the body as well and have to find a doctor up here for parasites. Oh Alex... I'm sorry to hear this. I guess you would feel like you were crawling with parasites. Gosh.. way too much! As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
Barbarannamated Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 I'm so sad to hear that, Alex. Do you have a healthy place to stay that won't exacerbate your mold symptoms? I dont recall... did you know or suspect Lyme? Please take care, Alex. Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment
MaryKA Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 Oh Alex, that news is really tough. I hope you get the right treatment. Started citalopram May 12, from 10 to 40 mg/d over 2 months Wanted to come off in May 13 and did it too quickly: decrease from 40 to 0 mg/d over 2 weeks; WD from then onwards, increasing in intensity to be unbearable at 4 weeks later; reinstated 10 mg/d for 2 days (WD severity halved); reinstated 20 mg/d (initial WD symptoms decreased but not gone entirely until after 8 weeks) Started 5--7% taper: Aug 13: 19 mg/d, mild WD on day 3; thereafter none notable; Nov 13: 18 mg/d, no WD; Dec 13: 17 mg/day, no WD for 3 weeks, then (at Christmas) tearfulness; Jan 14: 16.7 mg/d, Apr 14: 15.7 mg/d, Jun 14: 14.5 mg/d; Jul 14: 13.5 mg/d (6.9% reduction), Aug 14: 12.5 mg/d (7.4% reduction) Sharing experience makes a difference Link to comment
Meimeiquest Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 I know it's not very southern of me, but this sucks. 1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms. Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12 Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13 Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15 11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble) 9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol 7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol 56 years old Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 26, 2013 Author Share Posted July 26, 2013 Thanks guys. I'm having a bad day. I can't believe how sensitive I am to this house and it's raining, bugs outside, Lyme disease, sister still in labor... God this sucks "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted July 26, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 26, 2013 I'm sorry you are having a bad day Alex. Difficult life circumstances and illness on top of withdrawal must feel overwhelming. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Barbarannamated Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 How are you doing today, Alex? I hope the weather improves some so you can get out. My friends in the northeast have been complaining that this is the worst summer in decades with rain and record lows...then a few days of muggy heat. Keep us posted, ok? Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 26, 2013 Author Share Posted July 26, 2013 Hey Barb, I don't know what I am going to do, honestly. I may head right back to Texas, I don't know... I found this youtube video that is about 2 minutes which I relate to right now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWd_EuJ7H9s&list=PLzRza8CJCy1-jzIrPLKuhs4x8zt8Z8vM9 "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Meimeiquest Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 Do you have a new nephew or niece yet? The only good thing about the NE is maybe doctors have more experience with Lyme? 1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms. Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12 Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13 Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15 11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble) 9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol 7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol 56 years old Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 26, 2013 Author Share Posted July 26, 2013 Yes. I have a new nephew though I haven't been in touch with any family members except by text so I am not exactly sure how things are going or why my calls are not being returned? Guess I'll find it out soon enough! "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Rhiannon Posted July 27, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 27, 2013 Oh Alex, I'm so sorry! What a hard path you've had. Lyme too now. Well, that and the mold poisoning, compounding the drugs and withdrawal, does help explain the terrible health problems you've suffered for so many years now. My heart is with you. So sorry. Wish I could help you in some more concrete way. Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010. Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea. Feb 15 2010: 300 mg Neurontin 200 Lamictal 10 Celexa 0.65 Xanax and 5 mg Ambien Feb 10 2014: 62 Lamictal 1.1 Celexa 0.135 Xanax 1.8 Valium Feb 10 2015: 50 Lamictal 0.875 Celexa 0.11 Xanax 1.5 Valium Feb 15 2016: 47.5 Lamictal 0.75 Celexa 0.0875 Xanax 1.42 Valium 2/12/20 12 0.045 0.007 1 May 2021 7 0.01 0.0037 1 Feb 2022 6 0!!! 0.00167 0.98 2.5 mg Ambien Oct 2022 4.5 mg Lamictal (off Celexa, off Xanax) 0.95 Valium Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion. Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 27, 2013 Author Share Posted July 27, 2013 Thanks Rhi. I am sad. It's very stressful also being here as the 'sick' one with my extended family and I have no good place to leave for... I am still too far from being well and exerted every bit of my energy to get this far that I am feeling bummed out. And the family thing is huge right now. My cousin and his wife and three college-friend couples and their kids are taking a holiday at my uncles house, which is only across the street and my sister just had a baby... Basically I feel like the drag, the perpetually unwell Alex... I feel unwelcome too. That my being sick is putting a dent in their good times... Yuck, I don't love my family much at the moment. "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Administrator Karma Posted July 28, 2013 Administrator Share Posted July 28, 2013 Hey Alex, I'm sorry to hear of the confirmed Lyme diagnosis, but I agree with Rhi that it does explain how horribly sick you have been with the combination of everything. Are you sure that your relatives feel you are a drag or is it that they feel uncomfortable because they don't know what to do to help you and so they feel a bit helpless and that makes them feel uncomfortable? I just think when we feel low we tend to read things into other peoples' actions. I guess I'm trying to suggest that it isn't you specifically that makes them uncomfortable, it is the situation, which is really a bit different ... because there is still room for them to love and care about you. Perhaps they don't understand your need for more information about your nephew and your sister and everything is fine. Maybe they are just all caught up in the excitement of a new baby??? As far as the video ... well, I can tell you I love the air in Colorado! We actually had significant humitidy one day last week and I hated it, but that is highly unusual and it doesn't last. We don't have mold and mildew to the extent that they do on the east coast, but that doesn't mean that all homes are free of mold out here. Our air is fresher ... except when there are wild fires near by ... no place is perfect. Today the forecast is only for a high of 75 which is weird because our normal highs this time of year are in the 90's - it is also raining today, but since we've been in drought of years, we will take the rain. Hang in there, Alex. Love ya, Karma 2007 @ 375 mg Effexor - 11/29/2011 - 43.75 mg Effexor (regular) & .625 mg Xanax 200 mg Gabapentin 2/27/21 - 194.5 mg, 5/28/21 - 183 mg, 8/2/21 - 170 mg, 11/28/21 - 150 mg, 4/19/22 - 122 mg; 8//7/22 - 100 mg; 12/17 - 75mg; 8/17 - 45 mg; 10/16 40 mg Xanax taper: 3/11/12 - 0.9375 mg, 3/25/12 - 0.875 mg, 4/6/12 - 0.8125 mg, 4/18/12 - 0.75 ; 10/16 40mg; 1/16 0.6875 mg; at some point 0.625 mg Effexor taper: 1/29/12 - 40.625 mg, 4/29/12 - 39.875 mg, 5/11/12 - Switched to liquid Effexor, 5/25/12 - 38 mg, 7/6/12 - 35 mg, 8/17/12 - 32 mg, 9/14/12 - 30 mg, 10/19/12 - 28 mg, 11/9/12 - 26 mg, 11/30/12 - 24 mg, 01/14/13 - 22 mg. 02/25/13 - 20.8 mg, 03/18/13 - 19.2 mg, 4/15/13 - 17.6 mg, 8/10/13 - 16.4 mg, 9/7/13 - 15.2 mg, 10/19/13 - 14 mg, 1/15/14 - 13.2 mg, 3/1/2014 - 12.6 mg, 5/4/14 - 12 mg, 8/1/14 - 11.4 mg, 8/29/14 - 10.8 mg; 10/14/14 - 10.2 mg; 12/15/14 - 10 mg, 1/11/15 - 9.5 mg, 2/8/15 - 9 mg, 3/21/15 - 8.5 mg, 5/1/15 - 8 mg, 6/9/15 - 7.5 mg, 7/8/15 - 7 mg, 8/22/15 - 6.5 mg, 10/4/15 - 6 mg; 1/1/16 - 5.6 mg; 2/6/16 - 5.2 mg; 4/9 - 4.8 mg; 7/7 4.5 mg; 10/7 4.25 mg; 11/4 4.0 mg; 11/25 3.8 mg; 4/24 3.6 mg; 5/27 3.4 mg; 7/8 3.2 mg ... 10/18 2.8 mg; 1/18 2.6 mg; 4/7 2.4 mg; 5/26 2.15mg; 8/18 1.85 mg; 10/7 1.7 mg; 12/1 1.45 mg; 3/2 1.2 mg; 5/4 0.90 mg; 6/1 0.80 mg; 6/22 0.65 mg; 08/03 0.50 mg, 08/10 0.45 mg, 10/05 0.325 mg, 11/23 0.2 mg, 12/14 0.15 mg, 12/21 0.125 mg, 02/28 0.03125 mg, 2/15 0.015625 mg, 2/29/20 0.00 mg - OFF Effexor I am not a medical professional - this is not medical advice. My suggestions are based on personal experience, reading, observation and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers Link to comment
alexjuice Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 Thanks Karma... I appreciate your perspective. I did get a response to a couple of emails and I think you were right, that I was reading into the actions of my family a bit ... I think I'm burned out on being dependent... As for the Lyme diagnosis, I am not that shook up by it... I've been told for months that I had a weakened immune system and symptomatic for sub-acute bacteriord, viral, parasitic and so, different types of infections... The course for Lyme (for me) will basically be keep doing what you're doing ... I am not going to take any ABs right now because they disrupt my immune system and other problems flare... Thanks again ... I will keep hanging in there, maybe I'm close to turning point? Love ya back, Alex "Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me. Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there Everybody's got to move somewhere Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow Things should start to get interesting right about now." - Zimmerman Link to comment
Jason Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Well, I made it. I read every entry of this topic. I started sometime over the weekend. I really really dislike reading anything long. This is probably the longest thing I have read in years. Anyway, wanted to introduce myself. I have a thread on here as well, and I've recently posted on it. I have been doing VERY VERY UNWELL as of late, which is why I'm on this board again. Alex, I am so sorry for everything you have been through. I am going through some similar things, but not quite to the degree you have been. I feel I am poisoned by mycotoxins from having rented a room from some friend and his IDIOT MORONIC PARTNER which was infested with mold. I didn't know I could get this sick. Right now I am scared to go to work. I feel there are mycotoxins everywhere. Had to replace my car. I have virtually nothing. It's crazy. Anyway I will continue to follow your story and see how you are doing. I would rather be in green New England now and take my chances with Lyme disease than sunny, hot Arizona. Number six in the nation for mold problems. Go figure. Although Lyme does scare the crap out of me and for a time in 2012 I was totally convinced I had it (from Wisconsin - rampant there, much rarer here in the desert, of course). Try to relax if you can. At least you do have family around you. What I wouldn't give for that. I know it's not much consolation. Anyway, it's nice to e-meet you and to have read your shared history on this board. Thank you for sharing it with all of us. Jason Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CTCelexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mgEffexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawalProzac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very illtapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).Link to my intro page hereAlso : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used. Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012. Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Narcissus Posted July 31, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 31, 2013 I think I'm burned out on being dependent... I hear that. My own plans for becoming more independent have been complicated by this whole withdrawal thing, it's frustrating isn't it? Breggin says at some point that the recovery from psychiatric drugs is often harder for people who are still dependent, I wonder why this might be so? 3 Years 150 mgs Effexor 2 month taper down to zero 3 terrible weeks at zero Back up to 75 mgs 2 months at 75 6 or so months back to regular dose of 150 - was able to restabilize fine. 3 month taper back to zero 1 HORRENDOUS week at zero 2 days back up to 37.5 3 days back up to 75 One week at 150 - unable to stabilize. Back down to 75 mgs At 75 mgs (half original dose) and suffering withdrawal symptoms since October 2012. "It is a radical cure for all pessimism to become ill, to remain ill for a good while, and then grow well for a still longer period." - Nietzsche Link to comment
Barbarannamated Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Interesting point by Breggin about being dependent and recovery. I probably fit that category also (though I'm older). How are things going, Alex? Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment
Meimeiquest Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Maybe because when you have dependents or have no other options, you have to just push through, regardless of symptoms, and that helps to rebuild functional circuits? I would love to see the "rest and recover" model versus the "fight like hell" model (I guess every brain rehab therapy) compared in a study...no idea what would win. 1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms. Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12 Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13 Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15 11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble) 9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol 7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol 56 years old Link to comment
Meimeiquest Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Also, if someone is dependent going in, they likely have more of a functional impairment. But although the battle may be fiercer, I think it is still winnable. I read somewhere that the level of psychiatric illness does not determine the likelihood of withdrawal success. 1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms. Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12 Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13 Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15 11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble) 9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol 7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol 56 years old Link to comment
Barbarannamated Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Alex, Forgive me for yet another tangent and, mods, please relocate out of this thread if appropriate. Not having read Breggin's statement, my first thought is that he was referring to people who have not fully transitioned to an independent life (college to work force, for example.), not necessarily a dependence due to medical condition. Building a life as opposed to resuming one that had most pieces in place prior to withdrawal. Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Narcissus Posted August 1, 2013 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 1, 2013 Yes, that's what Breggin means, I had assumed (perhaps wrongly) that that's what Alexijice meant too. I will keep hanging in there, maybe I'm close to turning point? I hope so! So sorry to hear about the lyme disease. 3 Years 150 mgs Effexor 2 month taper down to zero 3 terrible weeks at zero Back up to 75 mgs 2 months at 75 6 or so months back to regular dose of 150 - was able to restabilize fine. 3 month taper back to zero 1 HORRENDOUS week at zero 2 days back up to 37.5 3 days back up to 75 One week at 150 - unable to stabilize. Back down to 75 mgs At 75 mgs (half original dose) and suffering withdrawal symptoms since October 2012. "It is a radical cure for all pessimism to become ill, to remain ill for a good while, and then grow well for a still longer period." - Nietzsche Link to comment
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