Odwina Posted April 11, 2016 Author Share Posted April 11, 2016 When you say "worse," do you mean greater fatigue? Perhaps you should take Paxil in the evening. To do this, move it later by one hour each day until you are taking it in the evening. Dear Alto, Thank you very much for your reply and suggestions. I stuck to 8 mgs at one hour later than normal to start moving the timescale to evening for taking the dose. Good idea and thank you. I hope it helps the sleep eventually as I am really unhappy about my very short sleep pattern now. I used to sleep well all my life 10 hrs and now just 3, 4 or 5. Will that improve with time? I REALLY hope so . I sleep fairly quickly and then wake in the night with sweating and ants on the skin and feel far too awake to find sleep again. I have tried trying to "self hypnotise myself" imagining deep relaxation inside and breathing to remove any stress or adrenalin but my mind is "awake" and will not retake sleep at all. Is there an answer to getting more sleep? On Sunday after the 8mgs I was much better than the previous day overall - but stressed with "other problems" in my life. By afternoon 16.00h I began to feel withdrawl inside body ( lower abdomen) and hoping that as often the symotoms will fade towards late evening. On Saturdayevening I eventually was 85 % ok, no sweating at bedtime but once awake in the night the sweating and ants feeling was there again. Just cannot understand this sudden change when no extra drug is envolved. BY "worse" I meant more tired and lethargic yesterday after the drug - and then the depressed feeling that grew afternoon and faded late evening. O - on Paxil for more than 20 years, usual dosage 20 mg, in times of crises 40 or 60 mg (once even 80 for a few months!) - 9 November 2015 - quit Paxil practically cold turkey (3 weeks tapering) - 20 Feb 2016 - after 3.5 months on zero drug reinstated 14 mg paxil because of entering unbearable protracted wd - reinstatement brought no relief, only worse, terrible akhatisia crises, sleep lost completely till I finally understood that my brain could no longer accept the slightest dose of paxil, so tapering after reinstatement became impossible 6 May - 1 October 2016 - in psychiatric clinic in France where I was given: Quitaxon (doxepine), a tricyclic - 50 mg - 6 weeks, no improvement, very bad side effects; doctor tried paxil again at only 5 mg and I became suicidal - then Lexapro, 15 June - end August, very gradual increasing to 15 mg - zomboid only, released from clinic and had to be reatmitted after only a few days. remeron tried too, rejected violently by the body - 1 sept 2015 - back in clinic changed directly for Effexor over 4 weeks rising from 37.5 to 187.5 mgs at discharge on 2nd October; 12 October 2015 - decided tapering effexor as it only made me very sick, every 3 weeks dropped 37.5 mg - 26 Dec - zero effexor, tried prozac and then clomipramine bridge, both rejected Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Fresh Posted April 11, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 11, 2016 When things are settled , your sleep will go back to normal , and the sweats and crawly sensations will go away. Each of these symptoms is your central nervous system trying to figure out how to function , and lurching around in the process. It's quite common for fatigue to increase after episodes like you had the other morning. You're still recovering. Things will most likely continue to shift over the next couple of weeks and that's not anything to be worried about. 1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg 2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months. July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months. Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg. October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive. March 2016 , 21mg Link to comment
Odwina Posted April 12, 2016 Author Share Posted April 12, 2016 Today I am having total crisis over the life chnges that i have experienced due to following withdrawal from the drug. I am aware that I can no longer eat in my two favourite restaurants (Chinese and Indian) no longer have a pint of beer with my friends or appreciate a glass of red wine with my dinner or a glass of champagne. I can no longer cook myself the same tasty food that I enjoyed with herbs and spices, no longer walk like before for hours (too tired) have legs that are withered from weight loss and a limp developed from muscle wastage. I have no energy or enthusiasm for swimming, taking a shower, brushing my teeth, cleaning shoes or ironing clothes. I cannot do long drives to see family (used to drive for at least 10 hrs in a day} . I have headaches that I NEVER suffered from before. I cannot sleep more than 5 hors a night and in segments, I used to sleep easily and soundly 9 hours. My whole life has be altered by withdrawal and I no longer can enjoy living even the simple things {eating, walking, swimming, sleeping). So I ask myself HOW I ever allowed myself to start this process. It is now 5 months since I began the acupuncture assisted cold turkey and 7 weeks since reinstatement. They have been 5 months of hell and suffering and realisation that quitting Deroxat has actually ruined my life. At 68 years of age I want to enjoy my life but it seems that I now have a reduced pleasure level across everything and a handicap for life. I was far better off taking 20 mgs with occasional hikes to 40 mgs. OK I am now on 8 mgs ..... but at what price to life and enjoyment. Can anyone suggest how to get back to normality? Is there a substitute drug that will restore a fairly normal life to a 68 year old who was convinced by an acupuncture Doctor that he could rid me of the drug deroxat over 3 months and ended up destroying what little quality of life I have as a single person. My chances of making a new relationship are now greatly reduced with my reduced capacity fir everything and I face more years of tapering to just then be exposed to other sudden recurrences of withdrawal symptoms. seems to me the battle to be clean was an ill placed dream that has driven me to near suicide and is still giving me suicidal thoughts with the enormity of what I have to cope with - on Paxil for more than 20 years, usual dosage 20 mg, in times of crises 40 or 60 mg (once even 80 for a few months!) - 9 November 2015 - quit Paxil practically cold turkey (3 weeks tapering) - 20 Feb 2016 - after 3.5 months on zero drug reinstated 14 mg paxil because of entering unbearable protracted wd - reinstatement brought no relief, only worse, terrible akhatisia crises, sleep lost completely till I finally understood that my brain could no longer accept the slightest dose of paxil, so tapering after reinstatement became impossible 6 May - 1 October 2016 - in psychiatric clinic in France where I was given: Quitaxon (doxepine), a tricyclic - 50 mg - 6 weeks, no improvement, very bad side effects; doctor tried paxil again at only 5 mg and I became suicidal - then Lexapro, 15 June - end August, very gradual increasing to 15 mg - zomboid only, released from clinic and had to be reatmitted after only a few days. remeron tried too, rejected violently by the body - 1 sept 2015 - back in clinic changed directly for Effexor over 4 weeks rising from 37.5 to 187.5 mgs at discharge on 2nd October; 12 October 2015 - decided tapering effexor as it only made me very sick, every 3 weeks dropped 37.5 mg - 26 Dec - zero effexor, tried prozac and then clomipramine bridge, both rejected Link to comment
AliG Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Odwina. Unfortunately , we have all been down this road . Life's altered . I don't think there is any one of us , who could not step back and say our life's not been irretrievably altered by these drugs . The thing is that , a lot of these pleasures do indeed come back , but you have to wait , a little. It's not all going to just fall back into place immediately . There is a certain amount of patience and acceptance , involved . Try and reacquaint yourself again with the small and special moments of life , and if possible , live in the " now " of " day tight compartments " . I think that seems to be the key element , in all of this , is to live " in the NOW " . I know that can mean some pain , ( temporarily ) but regardless of that you have to try to keep pushing on . Ali Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Ali4 Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 Odwina, I've read your posts and my heart aches for you, I know all too well what you are going through, it is not easy. I just wanted to drop in and say I'm thinking of you and hope you have relief soon. Ali 10 years citalopram 30mg- tapered down in December 15/2015- Jan 15/2016 to 20mg for two weeks, ten for one week and five for another week, then stopped, less then two weeks later, sheer hell broke lose with debilitating withdrawal symptoms. Update-- reinstated 5mg of celexa on feb 5-- within hours noticed immediate difference in WD symptoms-- Holding holding and more holding. Updose- March 23/16 too 10mg- relieved the harsher head symptoms- current symptoms headaches, dizzy, numbness and tingling in my head. Benzos- 2015-Ativan on and off for 6 months 2mg- switched to clonazepam nov 2015- 2mg till Jan 2016 Zopiclone 7.5mg nov-dec 2015- was tapered off over 4weeks- Currently in protracted withdrawal. ???????????????????????????????? Update- ended up in the hospital April 18/16 major suicidal ( never had that before) was admitted/ been there ever since, put me back to full dose celexa 30mg no drugs added, IAM FINALLY STABLE AFTER 3 months of tortuous hell. Got a great physiatrist that new all about WD, he will help me taper properly in a couple of months at 5% deductions holding 8 weeks. I never want to relive that hell again. Udate- stable and holding, doing things slowly is key. Link to comment
Odwina Posted April 13, 2016 Author Share Posted April 13, 2016 Dear Alto, dear JanCarol, dear Fresh, dear AliG, dear Ali4, Thank you so much for your most generous support, I had a terrible day yesterday, if it hadn't been for you, I would have gone back to my initial 20 mg of paxil, I was desperate to such an extent. GOD bless you and give you the whole healing very-very soon, O - on Paxil for more than 20 years, usual dosage 20 mg, in times of crises 40 or 60 mg (once even 80 for a few months!) - 9 November 2015 - quit Paxil practically cold turkey (3 weeks tapering) - 20 Feb 2016 - after 3.5 months on zero drug reinstated 14 mg paxil because of entering unbearable protracted wd - reinstatement brought no relief, only worse, terrible akhatisia crises, sleep lost completely till I finally understood that my brain could no longer accept the slightest dose of paxil, so tapering after reinstatement became impossible 6 May - 1 October 2016 - in psychiatric clinic in France where I was given: Quitaxon (doxepine), a tricyclic - 50 mg - 6 weeks, no improvement, very bad side effects; doctor tried paxil again at only 5 mg and I became suicidal - then Lexapro, 15 June - end August, very gradual increasing to 15 mg - zomboid only, released from clinic and had to be reatmitted after only a few days. remeron tried too, rejected violently by the body - 1 sept 2015 - back in clinic changed directly for Effexor over 4 weeks rising from 37.5 to 187.5 mgs at discharge on 2nd October; 12 October 2015 - decided tapering effexor as it only made me very sick, every 3 weeks dropped 37.5 mg - 26 Dec - zero effexor, tried prozac and then clomipramine bridge, both rejected Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted April 13, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 13, 2016 Hi Odwina, Well done!!! You may not realise it, but you have just jumped one very big hurdle. Being able to get through a bad day and not do anything about it. As you probably realise by now, that is one of the hardest things to do. To just accept that it is what it is for the time being and get through it. Hopefully your days will start to improve, but if you have any more bad days you look back on this one and say I did it then, I can do it again. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Odwina Posted April 14, 2016 Author Share Posted April 14, 2016 Dear all, please I am desperate, I am going through a period of extreme stress in my life at present, I am simply struggling for life any minute. I can't do anything, I am just so scared, totally frightened, curling only in bed. Is there any pill that can be used in such an extreme situation, it is extreme anxiety, I am pacing in the room now like a lunatic, then I throw myself unto bed. Please tell me, what can be taken to calm me down a bit in such a terrible situation, it is already the third day, I have never ever felt like this. - on Paxil for more than 20 years, usual dosage 20 mg, in times of crises 40 or 60 mg (once even 80 for a few months!) - 9 November 2015 - quit Paxil practically cold turkey (3 weeks tapering) - 20 Feb 2016 - after 3.5 months on zero drug reinstated 14 mg paxil because of entering unbearable protracted wd - reinstatement brought no relief, only worse, terrible akhatisia crises, sleep lost completely till I finally understood that my brain could no longer accept the slightest dose of paxil, so tapering after reinstatement became impossible 6 May - 1 October 2016 - in psychiatric clinic in France where I was given: Quitaxon (doxepine), a tricyclic - 50 mg - 6 weeks, no improvement, very bad side effects; doctor tried paxil again at only 5 mg and I became suicidal - then Lexapro, 15 June - end August, very gradual increasing to 15 mg - zomboid only, released from clinic and had to be reatmitted after only a few days. remeron tried too, rejected violently by the body - 1 sept 2015 - back in clinic changed directly for Effexor over 4 weeks rising from 37.5 to 187.5 mgs at discharge on 2nd October; 12 October 2015 - decided tapering effexor as it only made me very sick, every 3 weeks dropped 37.5 mg - 26 Dec - zero effexor, tried prozac and then clomipramine bridge, both rejected Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Fresh Posted April 14, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 14, 2016 You have akathisia Odwina , it makes you unable to be still , and in an almost constant state of panic. I used codeine for while and that did help. Do you have any benzos there with you? 1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg 2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months. July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months. Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg. October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive. March 2016 , 21mg Link to comment
Odwina Posted April 14, 2016 Author Share Posted April 14, 2016 I have Xanax. I am suicidal because I am in a catch 22 about my life. Codeine is a benzo? Or is it milder? I am afraid of Xanax. How much codeine did you take? I can somehow find a prescription here for codeine if you think it can calm me down a bit. - on Paxil for more than 20 years, usual dosage 20 mg, in times of crises 40 or 60 mg (once even 80 for a few months!) - 9 November 2015 - quit Paxil practically cold turkey (3 weeks tapering) - 20 Feb 2016 - after 3.5 months on zero drug reinstated 14 mg paxil because of entering unbearable protracted wd - reinstatement brought no relief, only worse, terrible akhatisia crises, sleep lost completely till I finally understood that my brain could no longer accept the slightest dose of paxil, so tapering after reinstatement became impossible 6 May - 1 October 2016 - in psychiatric clinic in France where I was given: Quitaxon (doxepine), a tricyclic - 50 mg - 6 weeks, no improvement, very bad side effects; doctor tried paxil again at only 5 mg and I became suicidal - then Lexapro, 15 June - end August, very gradual increasing to 15 mg - zomboid only, released from clinic and had to be reatmitted after only a few days. remeron tried too, rejected violently by the body - 1 sept 2015 - back in clinic changed directly for Effexor over 4 weeks rising from 37.5 to 187.5 mgs at discharge on 2nd October; 12 October 2015 - decided tapering effexor as it only made me very sick, every 3 weeks dropped 37.5 mg - 26 Dec - zero effexor, tried prozac and then clomipramine bridge, both rejected Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Fresh Posted April 14, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 14, 2016 Odwina , it's very typical to want to be dead when you have this intense akathisia. After all , how can we imagine living like this? If you feel you are in danger of harming yourself , you must tell real people so you don't have an opportunity. This isn't going to last , every single person on here who's had it will tell you it goes away. Your job is to sit tight. You might try a very small dose of xanax and see if it touches you. We know how addictive xanax is , but this is an emergency , right? Remember , if you take it for more than a couple of weeks , you may become dependent , and you'll need to taper off. Please keep very careful notes of exactly how much you take and when. Let us know how you go. I found pacing in slow rhythmical steps was the best thing to do much of the time. Try to lay down every now and then to rest your body , for as long as you can. And remember to eat every few hours , just a few mouthfuls if that's all you can take. You need nutrients and to keep your blood sugar up. You WILL get past this. Dig deep my friend. addit: in some countries you can buy codeine over the counter . 1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg 2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months. July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months. Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg. October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive. March 2016 , 21mg Link to comment
mona11 Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 Odwina, I know exactly how you fell. It's the first time I'm posting in SA. I read all your posts and all the help you got from SA. I just want to tell you that everything you are going through I went through less than 2 months ago. I know it's unbearable sometimes. I will write my story later. Do you have anybody close to you that can help you during this time? I know you have a friend who is helping you a lot. Can he/she hold your hand and walk with you, very slowly? I had my 80 yo mom who moved to my house, from Brazil, to make sure I ate, hydrated myself, and was never alone. And she would hold my hand and walk with me, in circles, inside of the house, because I had no strength to do it by myself. You need somebody to comfort you and help you during this time. Please ask for help. You will get better. I'm sending love you way. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus JanCarol Posted April 14, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 14, 2016 Hi Odwina, you wrote: Today I am having total crisis over the life chnges that i have experienced due to following withdrawal from the drug. I am aware that I can no longer eat in my two favourite restaurants (Chinese and Indian) no longer have a pint of beer with my friends or appreciate a glass of red wine with my dinner or a glass of champagne. I can no longer cook myself the same tasty food that I enjoyed with herbs and spices, no longer walk like before for hours (too tired) have legs that are withered from weight loss and a limp developed from muscle wastage. I have no energy or enthusiasm for swimming, taking a shower, brushing my teeth, cleaning shoes or ironing clothes. I cannot do long drives to see family (used to drive for at least 10 hrs in a day} . I have headaches that I NEVER suffered from before. I cannot sleep more than 5 hors a night and in segments, I used to sleep easily and soundly 9 hours. My whole life has be altered by withdrawal and I no longer can enjoy living even the simple things {eating, walking, swimming, sleeping). This is GOOD - you are learning what no longer works for you! So you may have bland food and no alcohol for awhile - but someday you may be able to go back to them with gusto! Many of us have found that gluten / wheat, sugar, caffeine, and dairy are particularly difficult. You are sleeping 5 hours a night - that is good, too! (it's all relative. Some people only get 1-2 hours or less a night, when in the worst withdrawal) Then you wrote: Can anyone suggest how to get back to normality? Is there a substitute drug that will restore a fairly normal life to a 68 year old who was convinced by an acupuncture Doctor that he could rid me of the drug deroxat over 3 months and ended up destroying what little quality of life I have as a single person. My chances of making a new relationship are now greatly reduced with my reduced capacity fir everything and I face more years of tapering to just then be exposed to other sudden recurrences of withdrawal symptoms. Oh, it's so sad, isn't it? That the doctors could put you on the drug, and then a natural practitioner (acupuncture) was so confident that it was safe for you to come off too fast. Many of us have been harmed equally by doctors and natural practitioners. But no. There is no magic pill. The only way through the dark forest is to keep walking, slow and steady. Chessie said it beautifully when she said: Well done!!! You may not realise it, but you have just jumped one very big hurdle. Being able to get through a bad day and not do anything about it. As you probably realise by now, that is one of the hardest things to do. To just accept that it is what it is for the time being and get through it. Hopefully your days will start to improve, but if you have any more bad days you look back on this one and say I did it then, I can do it again. This is ONLY the third day. You need to look at the bigger picture. This might take months. I say this not to discourage you - but to let you know that what you are feeling is small compared to what it could be. The symptoms shift and wax and wane. Here is a list of possible symptoms: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2390-dr-joseph-glenmullens-withdrawal-symptom-checklist/ and here is the pattern of Waves and Windows: Waves and Windows To understand better what is happening to you, you might view these cartoons, which explain very well the process of withdrawal: Withdrawal Dialogues - cartoons to encourage you If you are truly feeling suicidal, please contact local help: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7619-help-for-those-who-are-feeling-desperate-or-suicidal/ You can do this, please stay steady, keep at the same dose. Resist the urge to take other drugs or supplements, just stay the course, and within a month, you can get an idea of what your withdrawal pattern is, and prepare for your next taper. It does get better. These are only symptoms. They cannot hurt you - just keep saying: only symptoms of withdrawal. "Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again. My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices. A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia. CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013. Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine). Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 - Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years on Lithium). Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made. The tedious thread (my intro): JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium The happy thread (my success story): JanCarol - Undiagnosed Off all bipolar drugs My own blog: https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/ I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016! Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus mammaP Posted April 14, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 14, 2016 Just wanted to add that codeine is an opiate and can be addictive, it could worsen symptoms when your nervous system is already struggling. The others are right, this will get better, it really will. Hang in there and take each hour as it comes, every hour, or even every minute, gets you closer to feeling better. Lots of us have been there and are recovered or recovering. **I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge. Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem) 1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat 2002 effexor. Tapered March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads. Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013 Restarted taper Nov 2013 OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015 Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014 Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg July 2017 30mg. May 15 2018 25mg Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33 Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible Link to comment
Odwina Posted April 14, 2016 Author Share Posted April 14, 2016 Dear all, Can it be that my withdrawal is much much worse because of the fact that I have huge stress at the moment? Crise existentielle, unsolved things from the past catching up with me. - on Paxil for more than 20 years, usual dosage 20 mg, in times of crises 40 or 60 mg (once even 80 for a few months!) - 9 November 2015 - quit Paxil practically cold turkey (3 weeks tapering) - 20 Feb 2016 - after 3.5 months on zero drug reinstated 14 mg paxil because of entering unbearable protracted wd - reinstatement brought no relief, only worse, terrible akhatisia crises, sleep lost completely till I finally understood that my brain could no longer accept the slightest dose of paxil, so tapering after reinstatement became impossible 6 May - 1 October 2016 - in psychiatric clinic in France where I was given: Quitaxon (doxepine), a tricyclic - 50 mg - 6 weeks, no improvement, very bad side effects; doctor tried paxil again at only 5 mg and I became suicidal - then Lexapro, 15 June - end August, very gradual increasing to 15 mg - zomboid only, released from clinic and had to be reatmitted after only a few days. remeron tried too, rejected violently by the body - 1 sept 2015 - back in clinic changed directly for Effexor over 4 weeks rising from 37.5 to 187.5 mgs at discharge on 2nd October; 12 October 2015 - decided tapering effexor as it only made me very sick, every 3 weeks dropped 37.5 mg - 26 Dec - zero effexor, tried prozac and then clomipramine bridge, both rejected Link to comment
Ali4 Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 Odwina, I believe stress makes it worse, when I get stressed about my symptoms, I find that they get worse, it definitely doesn't help, just need to try and be as calm as you possibly can, tell yourself it will pass. I know it's not easy, but we will get through this. Praying for you. Ali 10 years citalopram 30mg- tapered down in December 15/2015- Jan 15/2016 to 20mg for two weeks, ten for one week and five for another week, then stopped, less then two weeks later, sheer hell broke lose with debilitating withdrawal symptoms. Update-- reinstated 5mg of celexa on feb 5-- within hours noticed immediate difference in WD symptoms-- Holding holding and more holding. Updose- March 23/16 too 10mg- relieved the harsher head symptoms- current symptoms headaches, dizzy, numbness and tingling in my head. Benzos- 2015-Ativan on and off for 6 months 2mg- switched to clonazepam nov 2015- 2mg till Jan 2016 Zopiclone 7.5mg nov-dec 2015- was tapered off over 4weeks- Currently in protracted withdrawal. ???????????????????????????????? Update- ended up in the hospital April 18/16 major suicidal ( never had that before) was admitted/ been there ever since, put me back to full dose celexa 30mg no drugs added, IAM FINALLY STABLE AFTER 3 months of tortuous hell. Got a great physiatrist that new all about WD, he will help me taper properly in a couple of months at 5% deductions holding 8 weeks. I never want to relive that hell again. Udate- stable and holding, doing things slowly is key. Link to comment
mona11 Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 Odwina, I also believe that stress makes it worse. And I mean any stress. If I stress about my symptoms they get worse. If I stress about a situation, I get worse. It is just not time, right now, to try to solve any past situation. It can be solved later when we are feeling better. Also, if the situation happened in the past, and it was unsolved until now, why bother to think about that at this time. It happened to me, also. When I was in my worse days, I tried to solve things that were unsolved for 22 years. My therapist advised me to just leave it alone and rest my body and mind. Keep telling yourself that it will get better, because it will. Link to comment
Odwina Posted April 15, 2016 Author Share Posted April 15, 2016 Dear Alto and Moderator, When i was on 20 mgs { my dose of drug for 20 plus years} I was quite capable of living my life with the ups and downs of normal living and side effects . But I could function, book holidays, organise my bills, be content with doing things etc. I made some silly mistakes perhaps based on the drugs effect on my mind but I was living independently for over 20 years, built things and was never unable to organise my life Since reducing the drug on withdrawal I have arrived at a point where I now realise that I can no longer function independently. I v cannot organise my life as before, I have difficulty concentrating to get things arranged, I panic at the slightest stress items and generally have become incapable of living a fairly normal life. I cannot get going in the mornings, I cannot face doing my accounts with terrible fear of making mistakes on computer actions, bookings etc. Indeed I realise that I was functioning 1000% better on the drug at 20 mgs than on withdrawal at 8 mgs. Such a great difference that I actually realise I was someone who NEEDED the drug to keep going. I am now nervous, afraid of life, incapable of remembering things, of multi tasking in thoughts, of having confidence in traveling alone. Cannot drive long distance, cannot ride scooter, have no interest in eating, shopping or just feeling a little enjoyment. I really think that I would live my life better with the drug as before. Is there any history of people like me who found it impossible to adjust and live without their former dose. I am now 5 months since starting the process and would dearly like to get back to where I was at the start. Can I ever get back to where I was on 20mgs. Would I feel the same now after withdrawal, how long would it take, is it an option. I just cannot live my life as I am now and have a feeling that I have totally wrecked my life at 68 years of age and cannot now advance my life at all . - on Paxil for more than 20 years, usual dosage 20 mg, in times of crises 40 or 60 mg (once even 80 for a few months!) - 9 November 2015 - quit Paxil practically cold turkey (3 weeks tapering) - 20 Feb 2016 - after 3.5 months on zero drug reinstated 14 mg paxil because of entering unbearable protracted wd - reinstatement brought no relief, only worse, terrible akhatisia crises, sleep lost completely till I finally understood that my brain could no longer accept the slightest dose of paxil, so tapering after reinstatement became impossible 6 May - 1 October 2016 - in psychiatric clinic in France where I was given: Quitaxon (doxepine), a tricyclic - 50 mg - 6 weeks, no improvement, very bad side effects; doctor tried paxil again at only 5 mg and I became suicidal - then Lexapro, 15 June - end August, very gradual increasing to 15 mg - zomboid only, released from clinic and had to be reatmitted after only a few days. remeron tried too, rejected violently by the body - 1 sept 2015 - back in clinic changed directly for Effexor over 4 weeks rising from 37.5 to 187.5 mgs at discharge on 2nd October; 12 October 2015 - decided tapering effexor as it only made me very sick, every 3 weeks dropped 37.5 mg - 26 Dec - zero effexor, tried prozac and then clomipramine bridge, both rejected Link to comment
Ali4 Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 Odwina, You are in a tough spot, your body has gone through to many dose changes and has become very unstable. It's a hard decision to make because you just want to be you again, I very much understand where your coming from. I'm far from expert at this, but I don't know that going back up will help, you didn't feel well at 14mg and that's why you have been dropping? I think you need to stay at a dose and let your body stabilize, one of the mods will have a better idea, I wish you well in whatever you do, stay strong, I'm praying for you.Ali 10 years citalopram 30mg- tapered down in December 15/2015- Jan 15/2016 to 20mg for two weeks, ten for one week and five for another week, then stopped, less then two weeks later, sheer hell broke lose with debilitating withdrawal symptoms. Update-- reinstated 5mg of celexa on feb 5-- within hours noticed immediate difference in WD symptoms-- Holding holding and more holding. Updose- March 23/16 too 10mg- relieved the harsher head symptoms- current symptoms headaches, dizzy, numbness and tingling in my head. Benzos- 2015-Ativan on and off for 6 months 2mg- switched to clonazepam nov 2015- 2mg till Jan 2016 Zopiclone 7.5mg nov-dec 2015- was tapered off over 4weeks- Currently in protracted withdrawal. ???????????????????????????????? Update- ended up in the hospital April 18/16 major suicidal ( never had that before) was admitted/ been there ever since, put me back to full dose celexa 30mg no drugs added, IAM FINALLY STABLE AFTER 3 months of tortuous hell. Got a great physiatrist that new all about WD, he will help me taper properly in a couple of months at 5% deductions holding 8 weeks. I never want to relive that hell again. Udate- stable and holding, doing things slowly is key. Link to comment
Odwina Posted April 15, 2016 Author Share Posted April 15, 2016 Odwina, You are in a tough spot, your body has gone through to many dose changes and has become very unstable. It's a hard decision to make because you just want to be you again, I very much understand where your coming from. I'm far from expert at this, but I don't know that going back up will help, you didn't feel well at 14mg and that's why you have been dropping? I think you need to stay at a dose and let your body stabilize, one of the mods will have a better idea, I wish you well in whatever you do, stay strong, I'm praying for you.Ali Dear Ali4, you are so kind as always, thank you so much for your prayers! - on Paxil for more than 20 years, usual dosage 20 mg, in times of crises 40 or 60 mg (once even 80 for a few months!) - 9 November 2015 - quit Paxil practically cold turkey (3 weeks tapering) - 20 Feb 2016 - after 3.5 months on zero drug reinstated 14 mg paxil because of entering unbearable protracted wd - reinstatement brought no relief, only worse, terrible akhatisia crises, sleep lost completely till I finally understood that my brain could no longer accept the slightest dose of paxil, so tapering after reinstatement became impossible 6 May - 1 October 2016 - in psychiatric clinic in France where I was given: Quitaxon (doxepine), a tricyclic - 50 mg - 6 weeks, no improvement, very bad side effects; doctor tried paxil again at only 5 mg and I became suicidal - then Lexapro, 15 June - end August, very gradual increasing to 15 mg - zomboid only, released from clinic and had to be reatmitted after only a few days. remeron tried too, rejected violently by the body - 1 sept 2015 - back in clinic changed directly for Effexor over 4 weeks rising from 37.5 to 187.5 mgs at discharge on 2nd October; 12 October 2015 - decided tapering effexor as it only made me very sick, every 3 weeks dropped 37.5 mg - 26 Dec - zero effexor, tried prozac and then clomipramine bridge, both rejected Link to comment
Odwina Posted April 16, 2016 Author Share Posted April 16, 2016 I am in agony now, again suicidal, only bad, bad, bad, no respite at all. I will updose today to 10. Somebody on the paxil facebook group got relief only after updosing to 20 all of a sudden. I am suicidal, I want my friend to kill me and die together, the mental state is unbearable, I cant, I cant hang in anymore, it is only bad, bad, bad. - on Paxil for more than 20 years, usual dosage 20 mg, in times of crises 40 or 60 mg (once even 80 for a few months!) - 9 November 2015 - quit Paxil practically cold turkey (3 weeks tapering) - 20 Feb 2016 - after 3.5 months on zero drug reinstated 14 mg paxil because of entering unbearable protracted wd - reinstatement brought no relief, only worse, terrible akhatisia crises, sleep lost completely till I finally understood that my brain could no longer accept the slightest dose of paxil, so tapering after reinstatement became impossible 6 May - 1 October 2016 - in psychiatric clinic in France where I was given: Quitaxon (doxepine), a tricyclic - 50 mg - 6 weeks, no improvement, very bad side effects; doctor tried paxil again at only 5 mg and I became suicidal - then Lexapro, 15 June - end August, very gradual increasing to 15 mg - zomboid only, released from clinic and had to be reatmitted after only a few days. remeron tried too, rejected violently by the body - 1 sept 2015 - back in clinic changed directly for Effexor over 4 weeks rising from 37.5 to 187.5 mgs at discharge on 2nd October; 12 October 2015 - decided tapering effexor as it only made me very sick, every 3 weeks dropped 37.5 mg - 26 Dec - zero effexor, tried prozac and then clomipramine bridge, both rejected Link to comment
Ali4 Posted April 16, 2016 Share Posted April 16, 2016 Odwina I'm so sorry your feeling so bad, there just thoughts, do not engage, tell yourself it will pass, you will get through this, we will together. I hope you find relief soon hugs Ali 10 years citalopram 30mg- tapered down in December 15/2015- Jan 15/2016 to 20mg for two weeks, ten for one week and five for another week, then stopped, less then two weeks later, sheer hell broke lose with debilitating withdrawal symptoms. Update-- reinstated 5mg of celexa on feb 5-- within hours noticed immediate difference in WD symptoms-- Holding holding and more holding. Updose- March 23/16 too 10mg- relieved the harsher head symptoms- current symptoms headaches, dizzy, numbness and tingling in my head. Benzos- 2015-Ativan on and off for 6 months 2mg- switched to clonazepam nov 2015- 2mg till Jan 2016 Zopiclone 7.5mg nov-dec 2015- was tapered off over 4weeks- Currently in protracted withdrawal. ???????????????????????????????? Update- ended up in the hospital April 18/16 major suicidal ( never had that before) was admitted/ been there ever since, put me back to full dose celexa 30mg no drugs added, IAM FINALLY STABLE AFTER 3 months of tortuous hell. Got a great physiatrist that new all about WD, he will help me taper properly in a couple of months at 5% deductions holding 8 weeks. I never want to relive that hell again. Udate- stable and holding, doing things slowly is key. Link to comment
Odwina Posted April 16, 2016 Author Share Posted April 16, 2016 I am in agony, Ali4, I cant live anymore, my mental state is unbearable - on Paxil for more than 20 years, usual dosage 20 mg, in times of crises 40 or 60 mg (once even 80 for a few months!) - 9 November 2015 - quit Paxil practically cold turkey (3 weeks tapering) - 20 Feb 2016 - after 3.5 months on zero drug reinstated 14 mg paxil because of entering unbearable protracted wd - reinstatement brought no relief, only worse, terrible akhatisia crises, sleep lost completely till I finally understood that my brain could no longer accept the slightest dose of paxil, so tapering after reinstatement became impossible 6 May - 1 October 2016 - in psychiatric clinic in France where I was given: Quitaxon (doxepine), a tricyclic - 50 mg - 6 weeks, no improvement, very bad side effects; doctor tried paxil again at only 5 mg and I became suicidal - then Lexapro, 15 June - end August, very gradual increasing to 15 mg - zomboid only, released from clinic and had to be reatmitted after only a few days. remeron tried too, rejected violently by the body - 1 sept 2015 - back in clinic changed directly for Effexor over 4 weeks rising from 37.5 to 187.5 mgs at discharge on 2nd October; 12 October 2015 - decided tapering effexor as it only made me very sick, every 3 weeks dropped 37.5 mg - 26 Dec - zero effexor, tried prozac and then clomipramine bridge, both rejected Link to comment
AliG Posted April 16, 2016 Share Posted April 16, 2016 Odwina. I'm sorry that you're in a world of pain . This is a quote from Claire Weekes , who specializes in anxiety : Even if you're anxiety levels are extremely high, you can simply surrender; resolve to do nothing but be with the feeling of your hands shaking, heart beating fast, agitation or however it manifests. Whenever I had an intense feeling of fear or impending doom, I would take deep breaths and talk myself through it without resisting. 'Okay here we go again; it's back. Ah well, at least I know what it is.… Feels like I'm petrified but I'm not really. Gosh, look how shaky I am. This is normal. I don't need to do anything. I know what it is and it will soon pass.' It works; just don't fight it. You're not going to stop breathing, faint, fall or die as much as it may feel that way. Keep practicing the skills , you have learned here. This too, shall pass .... Ali Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Odwina Posted April 16, 2016 Author Share Posted April 16, 2016 it's never ending, Ali, I can't anymore. I can't. I talked to groupama, maybe they can send an ambulance to repatriate me in France and hospitalise, it is too bad and continuous. Do you think it's still possible to go to the original dose and become somehow normal. It doesn't function for me the tapering, I am stuck to paxil for life - on Paxil for more than 20 years, usual dosage 20 mg, in times of crises 40 or 60 mg (once even 80 for a few months!) - 9 November 2015 - quit Paxil practically cold turkey (3 weeks tapering) - 20 Feb 2016 - after 3.5 months on zero drug reinstated 14 mg paxil because of entering unbearable protracted wd - reinstatement brought no relief, only worse, terrible akhatisia crises, sleep lost completely till I finally understood that my brain could no longer accept the slightest dose of paxil, so tapering after reinstatement became impossible 6 May - 1 October 2016 - in psychiatric clinic in France where I was given: Quitaxon (doxepine), a tricyclic - 50 mg - 6 weeks, no improvement, very bad side effects; doctor tried paxil again at only 5 mg and I became suicidal - then Lexapro, 15 June - end August, very gradual increasing to 15 mg - zomboid only, released from clinic and had to be reatmitted after only a few days. remeron tried too, rejected violently by the body - 1 sept 2015 - back in clinic changed directly for Effexor over 4 weeks rising from 37.5 to 187.5 mgs at discharge on 2nd October; 12 October 2015 - decided tapering effexor as it only made me very sick, every 3 weeks dropped 37.5 mg - 26 Dec - zero effexor, tried prozac and then clomipramine bridge, both rejected Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted April 16, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 16, 2016 Hi Odwina, If you go to hospital you will probably be given more drugs which will most probably end up making you much worse. From what I understand of your situation, you have been changing doses a lot and your symptoms are changing. You had akisithia and that seems to have subsided. Now you are saying that it is mental. And you managed to get through a bad day the other day. So you can do it. Please try and calm down and tell yourself that it will pass. The more you tell yourself how bad you are feeling the more worked up and stressed you are going to get. 'Okay here we go again; it's back. Ah well, at least I know what it is.… Feels like I'm petrified but I'm not really. Gosh, look how shaky I am. This is normal. I don't need to do anything. I know what it is and it will soon pass.' It works; just don't fight it. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
AliG Posted April 16, 2016 Share Posted April 16, 2016 Odwina. You are not stuck on Paxil, but it needs patience to come off. Unfortunately , you have been " bobbing " around in your doses, which has destabilized your nervous system . This is not a criticism , as I'm well aware that you have been trying your utmost , to taper off in a careful way , listening to the advice given here. I'm sure that you can have a good quality of life , as you continue your SLOW taper. Many here, have gone through this , and come out the other side, and are stabilizing and leading normal lives . The drugs tend to exacerbate emotions , leading to " neuro - emotions " which is what you're experiencing . Try not to panic. Ali Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Odwina Posted April 16, 2016 Author Share Posted April 16, 2016 Odwina. You are not stuck on Paxil, but it needs patience to come off. Unfortunately , you have been " bobbing " around in your doses, which has destabilized your nervous system . This is not a criticism , as I'm well aware that you have been trying your utmost , to taper off in a careful way , listening to the advice given here. I'm sure that you can have a good quality of life , as you continue your SLOW taper. Many here, have gone through this , and come out the other side, and are stabilizing and leading normal lives . The drugs tend to exacerbate emotions , leading to " neuro - emotions " which is what you're experiencing . Try not to panic. Ali Yes, Ali, I tried my utmost to attain a bit of stability and normal life. I couldn't get it at any dose. This is why I am so desperate. - on Paxil for more than 20 years, usual dosage 20 mg, in times of crises 40 or 60 mg (once even 80 for a few months!) - 9 November 2015 - quit Paxil practically cold turkey (3 weeks tapering) - 20 Feb 2016 - after 3.5 months on zero drug reinstated 14 mg paxil because of entering unbearable protracted wd - reinstatement brought no relief, only worse, terrible akhatisia crises, sleep lost completely till I finally understood that my brain could no longer accept the slightest dose of paxil, so tapering after reinstatement became impossible 6 May - 1 October 2016 - in psychiatric clinic in France where I was given: Quitaxon (doxepine), a tricyclic - 50 mg - 6 weeks, no improvement, very bad side effects; doctor tried paxil again at only 5 mg and I became suicidal - then Lexapro, 15 June - end August, very gradual increasing to 15 mg - zomboid only, released from clinic and had to be reatmitted after only a few days. remeron tried too, rejected violently by the body - 1 sept 2015 - back in clinic changed directly for Effexor over 4 weeks rising from 37.5 to 187.5 mgs at discharge on 2nd October; 12 October 2015 - decided tapering effexor as it only made me very sick, every 3 weeks dropped 37.5 mg - 26 Dec - zero effexor, tried prozac and then clomipramine bridge, both rejected Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Fresh Posted April 16, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 16, 2016 What country are you in Odwina? Is there a French embassy there? 1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg 2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months. July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months. Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg. October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive. March 2016 , 21mg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus JanCarol Posted April 16, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 16, 2016 Odwina, you wrote: Do you think it's still possible to go to the original dose and become somehow normal. No, I do not. You have been hypersensitised to the drug, now. If you go to a hospital, they will put you on a full dose, or rip you off the Paxil and throw you on a different drug (cross CT) and they will add an anticonvulsant for akathisia, and a neuroleptic (also called antipsychotic) for anxiety. They will drug you to the gills until your symptoms are under control. And then you will have to taper off of all of those drugs someday, because you don't want to take them until you are an old woman (which is what they want us to do). Is that what you want? Does that sound like a good solution? It is better to go to hospital than to consider suicide. It's preferable to live, even on the drugs. If you are seriously suicidal, you need to find face to face help where you live, we are not able to provide this kind of support. Please see: Help for those who are feeling desperate or suicidal. or, http://www.befrienders.org/ Hotlines (I listed both France and Romania, since I do not know where you are): France Paris Hotline: 0033 182 8888 44 Romania Bucharest: 0040 318 1077 38 Cluj-Napoca: (+4) 0264 590 576 Breathe. You are talking to people who have experienced awful things - maybe not exactly what you are experiencing, but some of them are very similar - and here they are - showing you the way. Did you try to lie on the floor with your feet up the wall? That reverses your sympathetic nervous system, and is very calming. Have you tried to take an Epsom salt bath? Even if you quiet down only in the bath, it gives you someplace to go to where you find relief. You may only find relief from symptoms a minute at a time. But each minute that you do, is a minute of hope, of living for your future. Each minute that you survive your own symptoms - is a minute that you are in control, that you are winning. It does get better. Please breathe, and find your way through this. Talk to someone locally if you can. "Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again. My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices. A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia. CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013. Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine). Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 - Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years on Lithium). Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made. The tedious thread (my intro): JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium The happy thread (my success story): JanCarol - Undiagnosed Off all bipolar drugs My own blog: https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/ I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016! Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus KarenB Posted April 16, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 16, 2016 Hello Odwina, I've just read through your post, and am really feeling for you. The others have written what you need to hear, and I don't have any specifics to add but I did want to give my encouragement that you can make it through this. By accepting, and by reaching out for help, you can get through this awful place and gradually move into a time of improvement and healing. I wish I could be there to sit with you through these hard days, Karen 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg. 2011 Escitalopram 20mg. 2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS. Effexor 150mg. 2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants. Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms). 8 month hold. 2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent). 2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well. Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea. 2023 December - Now on 5 micro-beads Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops. Symptoms begin to increase. 2024 April - Updosed to 6 microbeads - immediate increase in symptoms for 4 days. Decreased to 5 microbeads. 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.' Dr Gabor Mate. Link to comment
Ali4 Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 I hope your ok odwina. Ali 10 years citalopram 30mg- tapered down in December 15/2015- Jan 15/2016 to 20mg for two weeks, ten for one week and five for another week, then stopped, less then two weeks later, sheer hell broke lose with debilitating withdrawal symptoms. Update-- reinstated 5mg of celexa on feb 5-- within hours noticed immediate difference in WD symptoms-- Holding holding and more holding. Updose- March 23/16 too 10mg- relieved the harsher head symptoms- current symptoms headaches, dizzy, numbness and tingling in my head. Benzos- 2015-Ativan on and off for 6 months 2mg- switched to clonazepam nov 2015- 2mg till Jan 2016 Zopiclone 7.5mg nov-dec 2015- was tapered off over 4weeks- Currently in protracted withdrawal. ???????????????????????????????? Update- ended up in the hospital April 18/16 major suicidal ( never had that before) was admitted/ been there ever since, put me back to full dose celexa 30mg no drugs added, IAM FINALLY STABLE AFTER 3 months of tortuous hell. Got a great physiatrist that new all about WD, he will help me taper properly in a couple of months at 5% deductions holding 8 weeks. I never want to relive that hell again. Udate- stable and holding, doing things slowly is key. Link to comment
Odwina Posted April 17, 2016 Author Share Posted April 17, 2016 I hope your ok odwina. Ali Dear Ali, I didn't say anything today and you noticed it and were worried, thank you so much! I updosed on Sat to 10 mg, it was a bit better today, but immense sadness over this withdrawal which seems to mess up the latter years of my life. But I fear night a lot, I wake up after 2 hours of sleep soaked in sweat and with those terrible ants crawling all over my body. I cant fall asleep anymore, so I stay awake till morning with the most terrible thoughts invading me. I cant stop them, no trick helps. - on Paxil for more than 20 years, usual dosage 20 mg, in times of crises 40 or 60 mg (once even 80 for a few months!) - 9 November 2015 - quit Paxil practically cold turkey (3 weeks tapering) - 20 Feb 2016 - after 3.5 months on zero drug reinstated 14 mg paxil because of entering unbearable protracted wd - reinstatement brought no relief, only worse, terrible akhatisia crises, sleep lost completely till I finally understood that my brain could no longer accept the slightest dose of paxil, so tapering after reinstatement became impossible 6 May - 1 October 2016 - in psychiatric clinic in France where I was given: Quitaxon (doxepine), a tricyclic - 50 mg - 6 weeks, no improvement, very bad side effects; doctor tried paxil again at only 5 mg and I became suicidal - then Lexapro, 15 June - end August, very gradual increasing to 15 mg - zomboid only, released from clinic and had to be reatmitted after only a few days. remeron tried too, rejected violently by the body - 1 sept 2015 - back in clinic changed directly for Effexor over 4 weeks rising from 37.5 to 187.5 mgs at discharge on 2nd October; 12 October 2015 - decided tapering effexor as it only made me very sick, every 3 weeks dropped 37.5 mg - 26 Dec - zero effexor, tried prozac and then clomipramine bridge, both rejected Link to comment
Ali4 Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Odwina, I think of you daily, I'm glad your feeling a little better, wd will be the hardest thing you have ever had to do, but when it's over and it will end, you will be stronger and you will get your life back. Try not to be afraid of your symptoms, I know it's extremely hard, but fear will only make things worse, try a warm Epsom salt bath before bed, it may help relax you, maybe even some chamomile tea. I know it's hard, I'm Gung through it too, but we will make it, one day at a time, praying for you. Ali 10 years citalopram 30mg- tapered down in December 15/2015- Jan 15/2016 to 20mg for two weeks, ten for one week and five for another week, then stopped, less then two weeks later, sheer hell broke lose with debilitating withdrawal symptoms. Update-- reinstated 5mg of celexa on feb 5-- within hours noticed immediate difference in WD symptoms-- Holding holding and more holding. Updose- March 23/16 too 10mg- relieved the harsher head symptoms- current symptoms headaches, dizzy, numbness and tingling in my head. Benzos- 2015-Ativan on and off for 6 months 2mg- switched to clonazepam nov 2015- 2mg till Jan 2016 Zopiclone 7.5mg nov-dec 2015- was tapered off over 4weeks- Currently in protracted withdrawal. ???????????????????????????????? Update- ended up in the hospital April 18/16 major suicidal ( never had that before) was admitted/ been there ever since, put me back to full dose celexa 30mg no drugs added, IAM FINALLY STABLE AFTER 3 months of tortuous hell. Got a great physiatrist that new all about WD, he will help me taper properly in a couple of months at 5% deductions holding 8 weeks. I never want to relive that hell again. Udate- stable and holding, doing things slowly is key. Link to comment
Ali4 Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 As far as the thoughts, remeber they are just thoughts, your brain playing tricks on you, ignore them, they will pass, try not to engage, try to think of something positive. Have you tried maybe a small amount of melatonin to sleep? Ali 10 years citalopram 30mg- tapered down in December 15/2015- Jan 15/2016 to 20mg for two weeks, ten for one week and five for another week, then stopped, less then two weeks later, sheer hell broke lose with debilitating withdrawal symptoms. Update-- reinstated 5mg of celexa on feb 5-- within hours noticed immediate difference in WD symptoms-- Holding holding and more holding. Updose- March 23/16 too 10mg- relieved the harsher head symptoms- current symptoms headaches, dizzy, numbness and tingling in my head. Benzos- 2015-Ativan on and off for 6 months 2mg- switched to clonazepam nov 2015- 2mg till Jan 2016 Zopiclone 7.5mg nov-dec 2015- was tapered off over 4weeks- Currently in protracted withdrawal. ???????????????????????????????? Update- ended up in the hospital April 18/16 major suicidal ( never had that before) was admitted/ been there ever since, put me back to full dose celexa 30mg no drugs added, IAM FINALLY STABLE AFTER 3 months of tortuous hell. Got a great physiatrist that new all about WD, he will help me taper properly in a couple of months at 5% deductions holding 8 weeks. I never want to relive that hell again. Udate- stable and holding, doing things slowly is key. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus SkyBlue Posted April 18, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 18, 2016 Odwina, wd will be the hardest thing you have ever had to do We are going to be so invincible!!!!!!! 2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever. 2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds. 2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better. Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.) "You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now