TNTD: Wellbutrin: cold turkey due to debilitating side effect

[Sheri755]

Hi tntd, That's so distressing to have someone tell you these things. I'm so very sorry. Unfortunately she doesn't understand about Neuro emotions during withdrawal. There's a very good thread here on SA about this.

 

I've also had others tell me the same thing about looking for solutions on the internet and how much false information is out there. I tell them that they are right, there is a lot of misinformation out there so I'm being very careful and only referring to reputable sites.

 

This person was way out of line, in my opinion. Try to set boundaries with her. You definitely don't need negative people talking with you in a manner like this at any time and especially not now. You did nothing wrong at all. She has her own issues sounds like to me.

I would stay on track and try not to doubt yourself or the wisdom of these great people of SA.

 

Sending you a BIG hug!!

Sheri

[scallywag]

TNTD - It's "sucky" that someone from a support group thinks it's a good idea to strongly voice her minimally informed opinion about your situation. Human beings - "ya gotta love 'em"  but darn those unsolicited opinions, right?

 

Hope you had a good evening at home with your husband and daughter.

[tntd]

Hi Sheri and Scallywag,

 

Thank you for your support. I tried to explain the difference of withdrawal neuro emotions to her but she just wasn't listening so I calmly and nicely ended that portion of the conversation and steered it in a different direction. 

 

She is part of my DBT group and I will be seeing her tomorrow. I'm going to try to text with her today to kind of see where things stand. I don't think I bothered though so that is good. I know I can get past it, I don't know enough about her to know if she could get past it if she felt that I had offended her. She is actually a sweetie but very much thinks she is right about certain things when she gets them in her head. Then there is no talking to her about them unless you agree with her. I know this and accept this about her, she has just never aimed it at me before, it's usually about animals and other non serious stuff so I just ignore it plus she has been helping to keep me sane by texting with me daily. I will definitely make sure to steer clear of this subject with her. 

 

Sheri, I also get tired of people telling me that I shouldn't be getting information from the internet. The information on SA has been a life saver. It helps to know that others are experiencing much the same things as I am. I have a membership on headspace and I'm doing the anxiety pack and he just recently started talking about the importance of knowing that we have shared experiences. That we are not the only ones that have felt the way we do. I thought it was timely as I had just been feeling so awful about my agoraphobia and had posted and you and Ali both shared your experiences with it. That made me feel so much better. It also helped to think of that during the conversation and the rest of the day when I would start to ruminate over the conversation. I'm trying really hard not to do the ruminating thing as I know it won't help anything!!  Thank you for the hug

 

Scallywag, Unsolicited opinions indeed!! Thank you, my husband, daughter, and I did have an enjoyable evening. I of course shared the conversation and they were very supportive of me and told me that there is no way that I am causing these symptoms. They really helped validate me, as did a friend, who has experienced withdrawal, I emailed for support. I'm so grateful that I have a supportive family who sees what is really going on. I wish everyone could have that as we deal with withdrawal.   I hope you are continuing to have an uneventful taper. I'm so glad to see that slow tapering works

 

Hugs 

[tntd]

I've been doing really well at keeping the anxiety about tapering at bay but today has been a lot harder. I already have my meds set up for tomorrow so I'm ready to go as far as that's concerned. 

 

I woke up with super vivid dreams and nightmares and I haven't had that happen in weeks. Coincidence or subconcious trying to deal with the upcoming taper? 

 

I keep holding on to your comment Wellness, "Your taper will be fine.  You have already made a very large change and survived it.  Your next cuts will be an even smaller than the change you did by splitting your dose.  It will be fine, you will fine." I can't believe how scared I am. It doesn't help that I have previous experience. I'm also telling myself that previous experience does not mean that it will be the same. I'm doing it completely different this time. I'm so hoping that I have one of those smooth tapers, like Scallywag 

 

I'm sure that over time the anxiety of tapering will subside. It's just getting through these next few days, or weeks, so I will know how it is going. Are most people this nervous about tapering? Gah, I just want it to be over with. As do we all, I'm sure!!

 

Hugs and healing and thank you everyone for all the support.

[tntd]

Today is day four of my benzo taper.

 

I feel lousy but I'm pretty sure it is just my normal time of the month lousy wave going on. I often have majorly increased anxiety and agoraphobia along with physical symptoms during this time of the month. The tolerance to the bezo itself doesn't help either. 

 

I ran into a psychologist at the hospital. He is one that I saw for awhile when I was in crises and I felt like we really connected. We chatted for a little while and he asked me how my taper was going. I told him about the agoraphobia and he also said that I should try to leave my house every day even if it is drug induced agoraphobia.

 

I find it very frustrating that it doesn't matter what I say, as in I walked my dog all summer and my agoraphobia didn't improve at all I had to force myself out the door every day, they still say it is helping. In addition I force myself to go to DBT and end up trembling and stuttering with increased anxiety every single week and then the next day the anxiety is usually worse and I can barely force myself out of the house to take my dog to the bathroom. I don't understand why they think that it is helping me? Of course it also makes me doubt myself, should I be pushing myself to leave the house and go somewhere everyday despite the increase in anxiety? I really respect this man so it made it even harder to hear him tell me that I need to push myself to go out everyday. 

 

Anyone have any thoughts on this???

 

Thanks, 

 

Hugs and healing

[scallywag]

Maybe shorter outings at closer distance, e.g. sit on the back step and throw a ball/stick for the dog;  when you want to stay in the basement, come upstairs once every 1-2 hours and sit for a few minutes before heading back down?

 

Or you can just acknowledge the suggestion about forcing yourself to get out of the house as neutrally as possible, "Hmm, might be worth thinking about, might not." Leave off the "might not" part,

[tntd]

Hi Scallywag,

 

Thanks for the suggestions. They are a lot gentler than making myself go out somewhere. I have been doing what you suggested with the thinking about gettingout fo the house as neutrally as possible. It's hard because in reality I really want to get out but when I try things get really bad. So thinking about neutrally, I'm not sure if it was neutral but I did think about going out to walk the dog in the park today. Tried not to attach in judgement to it, just thought about it. I guess it's kind of like practicing in the mind, like the athletes do. 

 

I really like your idea about coming upstairs every 1-2 hours. That's a really good idea. I've also started opening blinds in places that people can't really see in. Gives me more light without the anxiety of seeing people. 

 

Thanks again for the additional coping skills.

 

Hugs and I hope you are continuing to feel well in your taper. 

[scallywag]

t - I forgot to put some context around this:

 

Or you can just acknowledge the suggestion about forcing yourself to get out of the house as neutrally as possible, "Hmm, might be worth thinking about, might not." Leave off the "might not" part,

 

I was referring to comments that people make about forcing yourself to get out, like the psychologist you had previously consulted and then recently encountered.  When they say whatever they say, you could drop a foggy statement like the one I suggested.

 

If you're finding it helpful to think neutrally about getting out of the house, do that too!

[tntd]

I love it Scallywag. I will try to remember to use it when I am in that situation. For my own psychologist I printed out something Petunia had to say about agoraphobia that I thought was spot on. If nothing else it will let them know where I stand on the subject. Everyone else I will just be vauge with but I really need my doctors to know how I feel about it. Maybe, if I'm lucky, they will get it. If not I guess we just won't talk about it anymore!!

 

Hey, I have a question. Now that I have started my benzo taper I find that I'm starting to get anticipatory anxiety about what the next day will bring. I'm trying to find ways to reframe the fear. So far I've just been distracting but I would really like to find a skill to deal with it in a way that will help me eventually at least reduce the anticipatory fear. Any thoughts are welcome.

[ChessieCat]

This might be helpful:  anticipitory-anxiety

 

I've just realised that they spelled it incorrectly.  It should be anticipatory, but it correct on the page it links to.

[tntd]

Thanks Chessie, I'll check it out. 

[tntd]

I'm feeling awful today. Super high anxiety, crying spells, trembling, agoraphobia (of course), can't persuade myself to exercise, shower, or make dinner. I want to but can't seem to get there. I did get dressed and brush my teeth    .

 

I looked back to a month ago in my medication and symptoms journal and I had about the same symptoms so I don't think it's related to the taper. In one week I've only reduced 1%, I can't imagine that would cause symptoms but I wouldn't know with all the sensitive CNS's we have. 

 

This constant high levels of anxiety and the agoraphobia are really difficult to deal with. Even with all my skills nothing seems to help for long. Well nothing helps the agoraphobia at all. Distraction at least helps with the anxiety to some extent. 

 

I don't think our current political situation has helped either. They say it is making almost everyone stressed and anxious. Just adds to what I'm already feeling. I try to ignore it but sometimes I just can't. 

 

Can we get windows when we are tapering on a daily basis? I really need a break. 

 

My windows came to almost a complete stop a couple of months ago. I will get a day here and there but that's it. I'm pretty sure that was when I reached tolerance on my benzo. Before that I was getting week long windows and actually felt like I had a semblance of a life. I could even go out when I was in a wave because they were getting lighter. Then I hit a wall and wasn't sure what had happened. 

 

Hugs and healing 

[tntd]

Having another really rough day. Lots of anxiety, agitation, crying spells, fatigue, stomach problems, major brain fog. Can this be from cutting only 1% and that through the course of a week? Should I keep cutting?

 

I'm so confused right now. I don't know if these symptoms are just a continued wave from the CT or if they are worse because I started tapering. Not sure how to know or what to do. It doesn't help that I feel so mentally out of it. 

[tntd]

I ended up cutting for ten days and holding for five. I made it back to baseline and did a couple of days of cutting along with a few days of holding for the rest of the month. 

 

Today I'm feeling rather down. Probably just PMS but it still isn't fun. I was really anxious all morning but I was expecting a phone call from my lawyer's office and phone calls always increase my anxiety.

 

I had an appointment with my psychologist yesterday. It went pretty well. He says he is learning things about withdrawal from me and he's glad I'm sharing my information with him. 

 

I'm grateful for this website where I have learned so much that I am able to share with him. 

 

I don't usually go on Facebook but I needed to find an email address and then I ended up looking at my home page and I think that's when I started feeling down. I pretty much avoid Facebook right now because it's so hard to see everybody living a normal life.

 

I just got another phone call from my lawyer's assistant and she is going to call me again tomorrow morning. I hope I can sleep tonight. I guess at least this way I will get it over with in the morning instead of having to wait and be anxious all morning. 

[scallywag]

Nice to see you post in the main intro section and to see how you're doing.  Remember that on facebook you're not seeing the full picture of someone's life. I know that I don't post updates that have lousy news or indicate another mediocre experience.

[tntd]

Thanks Scallywag,

 

Thank you for saying hii and reminding me about the troubles with Facebook! I usually remember that but yesterday I just didn't. I have friends who posted all sorts of wonderful pictures and loving comments; and then they were divorced.

 

I think the hard part for me right now is I have such a bad case of agoraphobia and seeing people doing things at all gets me down because I want to be out there too. I just have to remember that I will get there again.

 

The past couple of days have been a little harder with the acceptance and I've been feeling like I will always have anxiety and agoraphobia. Going through everything I can't do right now with the lawyer wasn't very helpful either. PMS is making the withdrawal and tapering a bit more intense too.

 

I received a text from my sister right before bed last night that made me very sad. She said that she had gone a week without her Xanax and felt absolutely horrible, she has Rheumatoid Arthritis a very extreme case so I imagine that flared terribly when she cold turkey off her benzo. She didn't realize it was the Xanax that was causing all of her problems, she didn't tell me any of her symptoms, until her boyfriend went to the pharmacy and picked up her prescription. She started feeling better after she took it. She told me she didn't know how I was doing it and that it was very frightening. My sister is a nurse so she is well educated about a number of different medications. I had also been telling her about what I've been going through but now she has experienced it and I think it has completely changed how she views my situation. I'm just so sad that she is addicted to this poison too. She is also bi-polar. I'm just glad she survived her cold turkey experience. I'm also hoping that she is going to call me tonight and fill me in on how she is doing now as I know getting stable doesn't always happen quickly. She might have some questions too, I hope she does anyway because there are a lot of things she needs to know. Anyway, it made me cry because she has had such a rough life already. I don't know if she plans on going off this med or not and that's one of the things I want to talk with her about. 

 

I am hoping that my taper doesn't get terrible this time of the month every month. My withdrawal symptoms always get worse but I really don't want to have to stop my taper every couple of weeks when I'm only tapering a couple of days and then holding anyway. Even though I'm pmsing pretty badly I went ahead and made a cut today. I figure I need to know if I will be able to taper at all at this time or not. 

 

The weekend is here, I hope it is a good one for everyone,

 

Hugs

[tntd]

I did a three day micro-taper of my benzo and now am in a bad way. I started holding today and will hold for at least three days.

 

So far I have felt the best when I taper for two days and hold for three. I can't even imagine how long a taper that will be. I'm only tapering .0019mg each time I cut. I've made it to 1.2121mg from 1.25 in 35 days. That had a ten day daily taper in it though so I ended up tapering for 17 days in November. If I end up tapering at c/c/h/h/h it will only be 12 days a month. Moving super slow. How many years will this take. If I can be functional I won't mind but if I continue to have the extreme anxiety and agoraphobia I will mind. That's the whole point of going slow is to be functional. Problem was I wasn't functional before I started tapering due to tolerance withdrawal that started in September I believe. 

 

I had been getting better. I was having nice long windows and the waves weren't very bad. I was getting out and doing things and then it stopped and reversed. I started getting less windows and the waves intensified. It has continued that way since then.

 

I need to get back to my baseline at least. My son is hopefully coming home for Christmas so I plan on holding during that time at least so I may only get about nine cuts in this month, if I can get back to baseline that is. Nine is better than none. I will just keep plodding forward and hope that the symptoms will abate before I am finished with the taper. 

[Godiswithme]

I am following your thread. My heart goes out to you. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Wellness is so incredible. Such a gift in your life.

[tntd]

Thank you so much Godiswithme. I don't know what I would do without Wellness right now. She has been wonderful and so supportive. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers, I can use all I can get 

 

We found out yesterday that our son's leave was approved and he will be home for Christmas. I am really happy but it also sent my stress way up and now my anxiety is as bad as it gets again. I struggle with hypersensitivity, that's what is causing my agoraphobia, and having another person in the house is going to make things busier, plus everyone will be home from school and work. It will be just the way it is supposed to be and I'm terrified because of how bad I'm feeling. I may just hold the rest of this month and start tapering again once the holidays are over. 

 

I'm so sad because I want to do stuff with him while he is home and I haven't been able to leave the house except for dr apts in months. I guess I should just be glad that he will be here and I can give him a hug. 

 

Hugs to all of my fellow travelers in this unexpected journey. 

[tntd]

Yesterday was interesting. I had a scheduled appointment with my psychologist and my DBT group. Since I am struggling so much with my taper I decided to go up and see my psychiatrist, he has an open door policy. In addition he actually had his 4:00 cancel so I took that appointmen

 

My psychologist encouraged me to move to the cut and hold and try to get off the meds a little more quickly because I have a good support system in place currently. I have him, the DBT group and my pdoc and he thinks that will help. 

 

DBT was good. It was good to see and interact with people outside of my home. I wasn't feeling very good and one of the group members had brought his puppy with him, not sure why, but after I gave him a hug (I hug almost everybody), he could see that I wasn't feeling well so he told me to go see his dad and puppy. The puppy is six months old and was so happy to have some attention. He did cheer me up. I love my old lady but there is something about puppies and then of course my dog gave me a lot more attention when I got home, actually she gave my clothes more attention!!

 

So, I went to see my Dr and he had another Dr/resident, not sure, working with him. My Dr's secretary, who I've become friends with, told me this Dr was amazing and encouraged me to try to talk him into staying at the VA. Wow was she right!! He was amazing. We had a very good and very in depth conversation. When I told him that buproprion doesn't generally cause withdrawal he was dubious and implied he thought it caused withdrawal more than most people think! I couldn't believe that he was onboard with any AD causing withdrawal and buproprion being worse than I thought, wow!! He knew nothing about Dr Heather Ashton and I asked him if he did because he was recommending that I might want to switch over to Librium to taper off of because it is longer lasting and so a smoother taper.... He also liked her method of 10% every 7-14 days or more. 

 

I told him I didn't know anything about Librium and would have to look into it. He thought that was fine. He also thought that I should updose to the amount of K that I was last stable on, I'm stable now so I don't need to do that, and hold. Of course my stable is daily anxiety and agoraphobia so still not fun   . Then he recommended a drug called clonidine to slow the release of norepinephrine. He said this should help with my anxiety levels after a few days of use and there isn't as much of a risk of dependency or tolerance. I looked it up and am unsure at this point. It is a blood pressure medication that works on the sympathetic nervous system instead of the parasympathetic nervous system. He said it does most of its work in the hippocampus and can stop the release of ACTH(?) which stops the release of adrenaline. That's what magnesium is supposed to do as well but he said that once you reach your level of magnesium it doesn't really work anymore, which explains a lot!

 

Another interesting fact he told me is that the amygdala of people who have experienced trauma grows and continues to grow because of stress and us trying to stay in control. This growth causes it to be very senstive to stress and eventually there is a "straw that breaks the camels back" and an anxiety disorder develops. The timeline is different for everyone and a trauma at any age casuses the amygdala to grow. I was fascinated and when I got home I googled it of course. I haven't had time to read the huge amount of information that came up but I'm looking forward to going through it. 

 

So much to tell from my appointment yesterday! 

 

My doctor believes that the reason I'm struggling with micro cuts is becasue I'm still in withdrawal from the CT from my AD. He also believes that the cut to my Benzo in March is still affecting me even though we reinstated and added to the amount I was taking. He showed me a really neat chart that shows how long a specific cut will take before symptoms start and resolve, this chart even incuded protracted withdrawal! According to this chart, with long use of K, after a cut the symptoms can start from 2-7 days and they start to resolve in about 14 days. I really wish I had a copy of the chart but I think it was from a power point. The chart had all the different types of benzos on it and what their timelines are. It does explain why I had withdrawal symptoms the day I started to cut though. I got hit from the cuts I had done previously. 

 

He wants me to hold for now and to try the clonidine to see if it helps with the anxiety. I'm wondering if anyone knows anything about clonidine and what your thoughts are on it. 

 

For now I'm holding. Still really scared about what to do next. I'm trying not to think about it as for now I'm doing nothing, except maybe using the clonidine. I'm also really tired as I didn't sleep well last night and that always makes things a little harder. 

 

Hugs and healing

[Altostrata]

Very interesting, tntd. You seem to have found the rare psychiatrist who knows about the drugs and their adverse effects.

 

You might be able to work with him very productively. Just make sure to listen to your body and be very careful with adding drugs. You know your nervous system is very sensitive right now.

 

It's possible this new psychiatrist is not quite up to speed on paradoxical reactions, that's a difficult concept to work with. Still, I'm very happy for you that you found one of the good ones. Please let us know of any other conversations you have with him, he might be able to help other people, too.

[tntd]

Thanks Alto, 

 

I think I'm very lucky to have found him. I will definitely relay any good information that he gives me.

 

I tried the clonidine and ended up having an allergic reaction to it so no more of that. I started it at .05mg, which is what they suggested since they said I'm very sensitive to medications. I was very glad they realized that too. 

 

I'm just so amazed and excited that my pdoc told me to just hold for now and we'll talk in a couple of weeks to see how I'm doing. I was begining to feel overwhelmed with trying to decide what to do since my micro taper wasn't going well. I don't feel quite so anxious about it anymore since he has gotten involved and is working with me to try to figure out what is best for me and he lets me listen to my body. I wish everyone had a pdoc like him. 

 

I was so lucky to have a window for a few hours today. The first one in a few months. I actually went out and bought a gift for my husband. No agoraphobia, no anxiety. It was crazy out and I was fine. It was wonderful and I felt like me for a little while. I'm still in there. 

 

Hugs and healing to everyone.

[tntd]

Today wasn't too bad, until I did too much. Vacuuming is definitely out. I only did that for a few minutes and it caused my anxiety to spike. Lesson learned. 

 

Our son is coming home for Christmas tomorrow and though I'm excited I'm also nervous as that means there will be extra activity in the house. Also last year after Christmas is when I crashed into a severe depression and ended up in patient at the mental facility, twice. It was our first Christmas in this house so I've got that to contend with as well. I keep telling myself that everything will be ok but it is hard to keep the intrusive thoughs completely at bay.

 

All will be well, 

 

Hugs and healing

[Altostrata]

Here's to windows! Please take it easy, don't stress yourself too much.

[tntd]

Thanks Alto,

 

I am trying to keep things low key. Holding is helping currently. 

[tntd]

Yesterday I had DBT. It was hard to make myself go and I had continual surges of anxiety while I was there. Usually that doesn't happen because I'm involved in what is going on but even though I was involved they kept happening. I just noticed them and let them go. Didn't really think about the fact that I was doing that but looking back that is what I did. 

 

I think the hardest thing to accept is the agoraphobia. I at least often get a break in the evenings from the anxiety but the agoraphobia has my life on hold and it's very hard to accept. I work at it though. I do also get frustrated that everything seems overwhelming. Showering, cooking, cleaning. It's a good thing I have a supportive family. They cleaned the house while I was at my DBT meeting yesterday  so now it will be clean for Christmas!

 

I'm daily working on accepting the fact that this is going to be a long taper. I'm holding right now and I have an appointment with my pdoc on Dec 28th. I think we are going to discuss what my options are. I keep swining back and forth on what to do and there seem to be no good answers. I haven't really been analyzing it as much since I talked with my doctor so I'm glad I went to see him. I'm starting to catch myself thinking about it too much again and I think it's because I have an appointment and I want to be ready with ideas. 

 

After reading the thread about Taurine both here and on the BB boards I've decided to give it a try. My pdoc said it was ok for me to try too so that made me feel a little better. I'm hoping that it helps me as I've seen it helps some others. I started really low and since I'm not really having trouble sleeping but am having problems when I wake up with daily morning anxiety I decided to take it in the morning. I started this morning with 250mg. I haven't really noticed much of anything one way or the other today. I'm planning on taking the same amount tomorrow morning. 

 

It's so hard to know if this continued anxiety and agoraphobia are from the CT from the AD or if they are from the tolerance to the benzo. It appears that one of the big symptoms of tolerance to a benzo is to develop anxiety. It would be so helpful to know as if it is just because of the CT I would just hold until it goes away but if it is from the benzo then getting off of it is the only thing that will help. My pdoc seems to think that it will lessen as I taper down. Reading on BB I've seen it go both ways. I still can't believe that the micro taper caused so much trouble. In addition I still find it amazing that my pdoc wasn't surprised that it did. 

 

I work on my coping skills everyday. My husband does meditation with me in the evenings. We do a mindfullness meditation and then a binaural beats meditation. I also meditate first thing in the morning. Sometimes it puts me back to sleep which is nice becasue I get to escape the anxiety for that much longer! 

 

Hugs and healing to everyone.

[tntd]

My sxs are ramping up again. I've been holding for three weeks now. I am having some added stressors. PMS, my dog may have diabetes and I'm worried about being able to care for her when I'm barely caring for myself. I keep telling myself that "Worry is not a predictor of outcome". Some days it works and others my brain won't listen. Waiting for the results of her tests is really hard. 

 

I'm wondering if trying to crossover to valium could help with the daily anxiety, agoraphobia, and feelings of everything being overwhelming. Does anyone know if it is even a possiblitiy? I know that Dr Ashton recommends crossing over but I've also seen that a lot of people have trouble with it. 

 

I'm just feeling pretty down today and like this is never going to end. I know it's the benzo's talking but sometimes they just get into your head and won't let go. I would love to just be fully functional while going through this. I know it can be done. I've seen others do it. I'm planning on tapering really slowly but I'm going into it not functional. 

 

Sorry I'm being a downer. Today has been bad. I'm also sick so that probably doesn't help.

 

Hugs and healing

[tntd]

I had DBT and an appointment with my Pdoc yesterday. I also have a really bad laryngitis and a cough so DBT was hard as there were things I wanted to say but really I just sat there and listened. Listening is always good though. 
 
My pdoc said that he thought that once you are through the initial acute phase of benzo withdrawal that the GABA receptors are pretty much healed but that the prolonged healing is mostly too much glutamate. He did stress that that was just his opinion. 

 

He also gave me a chart for benzo withdrawal but I can't seem to find a way to attach it or copy and past it into this post. I will keep trying though. 

 

I'm still struggling with agoraphobia, overstimulation and anxiety on a daily basis. Bubble suggested changing the way I look at my situation. I was doing pretty good with that until recently but I suppose it's normal to go through phases. It's a really good idea. Maybe I should write a postive version of what is going on so I can read it when I have trouble with the reframing.

 

I hope everyone is having a decent holiday season.

 

Hugs 

[bubble]

That's very good to hear!

 

I didn't know it's called reframing. It's basically seeing the proverbial glass as half full (when it's actually half empty

 

I try to focus on what I can do and try to ignore bad moments by keeping my eyes fixed on the good ones. But I've been in this state for almost 20 years and wouldn't have survived if I hadn't practiced this. It took me well over a decade I was in acute and prolonged WDs so many times without knowing it and just thinking my 'illness' got back and progressed every time I tried to stop the drugs.

 

There is definitely something about glutamate... I can get my brain round how it works but it definitely keeps us over stimulated. I would say that agorophobia is a way in which our internal self-regulating mechanisms are trying to protect us from overstimulation. Maybe another type of reframing?

[bubble]

I remembered another bit of reframing for when I'm agorophobic.

 

For years I also thought: this is horrible, I'm missing so much of my life, I can't do things, go places, meet people...not in the small bit.

 

Now I think: My brain is healing. Thank God I found SA and now I know what is happening with me. I know I will be better again. Thank God I don't have to go to work (when I don't) so that I can five my brain all the rest, peace and quiet and downtime it needs to heal without losing the roof over my head. Thank you for my supportive husband and brother and all the friends...

 

And so on... it can morph into a thanksgiving exercise. People typically forget to be grateful for what we have and stay misearble wanting things we don't have.

 

I'm not so saintly far from it. But with years I really see I slip into this way of thinking and it makes things easier for me..

[tntd]

Hi Bubble,

 

Thank you for your comments on reframing. They are really helpful. I go in and out of the "this is horrible, I'm missing so much of my life" phase. It's hard to stay in the positive frame of mind though this site and BB have been very helpful in that way. I think I'm giong to take some of your reframing and write it down as it applies to me as well Another thing I was planning on doing was crocheting blankets and or hats for local shelters. It gives me something to do and makes me feel like I have a purpose. I am fortunate that my husband thinks this is a great idea as he will be the one getting the yarn for me to pursuse this project!!

 

I also started writing a grateful journal last year about this time. Every night I write five things that I'm grateful for. Also another person on SA suggested that we PM each other with three things we are grateful for everyday. It keeps us accountable and I have enjoyed the positive interaction. We started that in Novemeber I believe. 

 

None of us is perfect, I think each one of us struggles daily with being positive and accepting what we are going through. Some days it's easier than others and what causes that depends on so many factors. I'm really struggling to be positive right now because of the awful cold I have. I'm sure people who struggle with insomnia have a hard time keeping a positive focus. I think it's a matter of continuing to try regardless of how bad we are feeling. Of course I say this now when my withdrawal symptoms aren't too bad. I know I myself struggle terribly when I become non-functional with withdrawal and all I can do is sit there and cry. Regardless, we need to keep trying. 

 

I think you are right, the more we practice thinking positive the easier it is to do. Though I have to admit when I'm in the midst of really bad withdrawals the coping skills only work in the moment of use so distraction is my go to for that time period. 

 

I'm so sorry you have had to deal with this for 20 years. I have been dealing with anxiety issues for 20 years but for some reason the first time round on meds I was able to go off all the meds with no issues, except for Paxil and they bridged me over to Prozac which I had no problems going off of. Knowing what I know now though I wouldn't touch any of those meds. I wish I'd known about kindling and tolerance before I had gone back on buproprion and clonazepam, I never would have done it. Live and learn and try to spread the information!!! I hope you are feeling better now that you have found SA, know what is going on, and are tapering. 

 

Happy New Year 

 

Hugs

[scallywag]

Hoping 2017 brings you a lighter load and light on the road!

[tntd]

Thanks Scally, I hope it brings you the same.

 

Hugs

[tntd]

Found this quote on Benzo Buddies and thought I would share it.

 

 

"Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way 
of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use".~A.U. 

[scallywag]

Thanks for popping by my intro, tntd, and for taking time to post. 

 

Is your recent difficulty with someone in your DBT group with the same person as previously?  If so, you already have an experience that although she's well intentioned, her comments aren't helpful. I hope you can look critically at what she's said, draw what value you can from it and discard the rest.

[tntd]

Hi Scally,

 

My pleasure, I find your journey inspiring. 

 

No, it's a different person. She has been through alcohol withdrawal a couple of times and doesn't understand why my withdrawal is taking so long. It doesn't really bother me because I know she doesn't really have a clue and she isn't willing to listen or understand what I have to say about it so we talk about other things. She isn't someone I would call a friend, more of an acquaintance which is probably another reason it doesn't really bother me.

 

That's piece of advice is really good. I think we can apply it to what most people who don't understand what we are going through have to say. In fact we can probably use that for a lot of advice people give out all the time  

 

Thank you,

 

Hugs and continued healing to you