☼ Maybe

[Maybe]

Thank you very much, Ajay!

 

I hope so as well and wish you the same of course

[Maybe]

Finally a kinda nice weekend. Not without symptoms, but it was ok. Have been out on a lake in the sun and at a beach bar in the evening on Saturday. The Sunday was lazy and I spent too much time in front of the computer.

Now Monday morning was worse again. Slight headaches and dizziness. Though it is a bit better after I have eaten something. This is so weird. It still is not great, but better than before.

 

How I would love to know what really is going on in my body...

[Maybe]

Just read about someone who still has severe symptoms from taking just one!!! pill of Lexapro 5 years ago. He also had 3 strokes the past few years. That really fills me with fear again. Unbelievable

[Claudius]

That sounds scary again indeed! I get more and more the impression that our disease os not the classic withdrawal syndrome but indeed an adverse reaction from the starting or the quitting of these drugs. Some people get an adverse reaction on starting (I did not) and others after stopping. Maybe duration of use and dose do not matter too much.

I took about 3 pills Lexapro during one my worst waves on 18 months in WD. I did not notice any difference and quit after 3 days because I just dod not believe this was ths solution. Hope it did not prolong my recovery...

[Maybe]

Hey Claudius,

 

You probably will never know if it prolonged your wd or not. But does it matter anymore? And after thinking about it, do we know what this guy did while in wd? He wrote that he is taking Xanax, but did not say since when, yet. Or what else he did while he was so desperate in the inital phase of wd.

Ah man, I think we shouldn't think about all the whens all the time. I was afraid when I read that, but now I think it doesn't really help being afraid. There are so many people who recovered even if it took them years. Why shouldn't we believe that we are like them? Especially because I read about much more people that recovered than vice versa.

 

I do not want to think that negative anymore when I read about such a terrible experience. I have to fight that somehow...

[Claudius]

I agree Maybe but sometimes I tend to fall back in the pit of desperation. It is now already 2 years ago, shortly after my first window-like moments, that I learned about WD on the other site. People convinced my what was the cause of my suffering and urged that it would bpass and the 2 years mark was an important turning point for many. But now juist before the 4 years mark and still feeling bad (but at least differently bad from 2 years ago) I must really fight not to lose hope for recovery. Also my nervousness of finding a job again after probably 4 years or more at home is growing...

 

You are right about the "if whens". There are so many: what if we would not started with the crap in the beginning, what if I would have turned to the internet after my first failed WD attempt and tapered the right way? But we all fell into the same trap, going back to our doctors to swallow their shameless lies. We just could not image what would be the consequences of those meds, that they are in fact the worst, most addicting and most dangerous harddrugs in the world.

 

I try to cope with this every day and sometimes I succeed but many times I fail. I think when the symptoms are finally gone it will be easier to forget is in some way and move on.

[Maybe]

Me too, me too. It is one of the most difficult road I could have ever imagined and I would never have "dreamt" about something like that could happen to me. But here we are and the only way is through. What else can we do? Life is not bad enough to end it and it often is not good enough to enjoy it. But we have hope that we can fully heal from this. Other people have diseases or injuries that will never heal. We have to go on and we will make it! And as Punar tends to say, this no empty phrase, it is experience from others

[Maybe]

Just received my blood work results and as expected everything is fine. I am of course the healthiest person on this planet...

[Punarbhava]

Punar, your update is fantastic (I have hope that I will be able to handle household projects again someday). Thank you for posting this - it gives me hope.

 

Thank you Ajay! sorry it's taken me some time to acknowledge your message but I did get hit with a bit of a wave that prevented me from engaging in on-line interactions.

 

However, with that said, at least a had a lengthy window, one where I felt closer to the original "me". This recent wave wasn't as severe on a physical level although the mental paralysis was pretty bad however, it has lifted (didn't last as long as in earlier times).

 

I'm glad my progress is bringing you hope. I truly understand how one cannot fathom regaining functionality especially when one has lost it for so long but it WILL RETURN for you at some point. I had lost all concept of who I was (only had very distant memories, so distant that I truly didn't know if I was going to regain prior mental and physical vitality. As you know it's painful to lose oneself in such a significant way).

 

while I'm not fully recovered and have a ways to go, there is definitely major progress being manifested, in various areas of my life.

 

So, keep the faith and trust in the recovery stories of others. This is what I had to do to keep going. It will pay off. I sincerely wish you the best and I KNOW that you WILL RECOVER from this nightmare!

 

Maybe, I hope you will soon see the results of the healing that is going on within you. I understand the feeling that life is slipping away. It may not seem like it, but 31 is still young and you will have plenty of time on the other side of your recovery.

 

 

Indeed, Ajay is correct. 31 years old is YOUNG!! You have your whole life ahead of you. BTW, when I was 30 I thought I was old (lol) so I understand how you are feeling.

 

Maybe, I'm 56 years old and if I can come through this you will too. Luckily, you have many vibrant years ahead of you (far more than us older folks). I've been in despair many times since, I don't have a lot of youthful years ahead of me however, I have consoled myself with: "better to get this WD journey over with at 56 rather than 76". I can't imagine enduring this torture at an advanced age.

 

Wishing you some 'normal' days...

 

 

He's going to have some normal days soon. You too will have normal days in your future Ajay. It will all come together in time.

 

Much More Vibriant Healing to All!

 

 

Punar

 

[Punarbhava]

Just received my blood work results and as expected everything is fine. I am of course the healthiest person on this planet...

 

 

this is good news Maybe! Now you know it's solely WD and no other complicating health factors involved in the mix.

 

 

It's good that you got things checked out. With all that said, I do understand how unhealthy we can actually feel during WD.

 

 

Oh, I bettter get off-line since, I'm on computer exposure overload. (lol)

 

 

Punar

[Punarbhava]

Just read about someone who still has severe symptoms from taking just one!!! pill of Lexapro 5 years ago. He also had 3 strokes the past few years. That really fills me with fear again. Unbelievable

 

Maybe........

 

just wanted to share a quick thought. Many times people use incorrect terminology when describing their WD experiences. It's unintentional and due to lack of medical knowledge and/or due to a language barrier.

 

I read the thread you are speaking about and this person could have meant that they had three "seizures" rather than strokes.

 

This could by why he/she mentioned that the doctor put them on xanax to reduce the risk. I don't know if benzos have the capability of reducing strokes and/or causing strokes upon rapid WD however, benzos and some ADs have antiseizure properties.

 

Could be that this person experienced seizures due to abrupt Lexapro WD and then the doc put them on xanax to reduce this risk. Not saying that I'm right about this but rather, this is a possibility. You may wish to ask the person for clarification re: if they had a stroke or a seizure.

 

Also, xanax could definitely and most likely is the the cause of his/her on-going 5 year WD issue. Xanax has such a short half-life (as I believe someone mentioned in the thread) and what is likely happening is that he/she is experiencing interdose WD.

 

The xanax stops working after a number of hours but once one reaches tolerance the person goes into WD between doses. This person may believe that xanax is helping but it's likely become the main problem at this stage.

 

Xanax is infamous for causing rapid tolerance, even within a few short weeks of consumption. Believe me, I experienced all that I'm sharing here and so I know how one can become confused IF one is not informed about these drugs and how they work.

 

Tolerance developed real quickly for me and the WD was brutal. This person has no idea what is happening to them and I hope someone advises them in regard to how to navigate through. In fact, someone should refer her/him to a benzo support web site so they can receive the necessary information, guidance and support.

 

Another point worth mentioning: we do not know this person's prior history before taking Lexapro. He/she mentions having a sleep disorder but they may have been prescribed many different medications and switched from one medication to another which could have made the originating insomnia problem even worse due to tolerance to the meds.

 

We know only too well that most doctors pull out the prescription pad for just about every condition so I have to believe that this person has had some type of prior drug history, of some kind, before taking Lexapro (which BTW, could make them more suceptible to an adverse drug reaction and/or kindling effect to any psyche drug that was introduced at that stage of the game).

 

In fact, it would be rare for a doctor not to prescribe drugs for insomnia. This person may not be sharing the whole story likely out of innocent unawareness.

 

 

BTW, I'm not denying the possibility nor reality of adverse drug reactions. Those are indeed real events, as you and others are aware.

 

 

Anyway, just thought I'd share my humble perspective on the situation.

 

oh, one other point, many insomniacs utilize alcohol which only makes matters worse, creating a vicious cycle. Others use aloohol to ease benzo WD and/or AD WD however, it will complicate and prolong their recovery since, all these substances share common GABA receptors. A lot of people are unaware of alcohol and how it can affect psyche drug recovery.

 

And IF this person is using alcohol along with xanax, that's a double whammy of cross-tolerance and cross-addiction that can be playing out.

 

Too many unknowns in this story so I would not believe the 5 year and still counting recovery time-line that is being reported to be caused by one dose of Lexapro.

 

With that said, I wish to be clear that I'm not, in any way, denying the severe reaction this person experienced to Lexapro. I do believe their report as to the reaction. I just don't embrace their analysis in regard to the cause of their present protracted WD state.

 

Punar

[Punarbhava]

Me too, me too. It is one of the most difficult road I could have ever imagined and I would never have "dreamt" about something like that could happen to me. But here we are and the only way is through. What else can we do? Life is not bad enough to end it and it often is not good enough to enjoy it. But we have hope that we can fully heal from this. Other people have diseases or injuries that will never heal. We have to go on and we will make it! And as Punar tends to say, this no empty phrase, it is experience from others

 

You know Maybe, I think you did a fine job (within a couple of your recent posts) of rationalizing your way through the fear.

 

Others will read your post and it will move them to realign/redirect their mind-set to counteract their fears. Not only did you empower yourself, you have and will assist others to empower themselves through their journey by your reasoning.

 

Your strategy is effective and thus, you accomplished your mission. "Well Done!"

 

Punar

[Maybe]

Thank you very much for your reassurance and clarification, Punar.

As always I am grateful

 

I am not going to let bring me down by negative stories anymore. That just serves no purpose. Besides, his reaction seems to have been much worse than mine. And as you said, one never knows the whole story!

 

Sadly I am "down in the trenches" once again, maybe because I have eaten something that I did not tolerate or it was just coincidence. No idea. With it comes of course frustration and despair, but they do not stay as long as before. As I said above, there is no other way.

 

Maybe someone has an idea:

 

- Lunch: spare ribs, fennel and pumpkin

- Dinner: rye crispbread with peanut butter and marmelade (both "bio" products with cane sugar)

 

All those food sorts do not have any influence on my immune system says the test.

[Roads]

Talking about food (and sugar cane)... There is something of which I can't warrant the veracity, but I think it may interest you:

 

I've read in different places over the internet that sugar (the refined and industrial one, that is to say the widespread one) is nothing less than a harmful drug for the organism. I confess I tend to side with that. I can't share any link, because they are not in english, but I guess information must be easy to find in this language. As those suffering from WD must be very interested in wiping out whatever weakens the body, I thought it could interest some people out there...

[Maybe]

You are surely right there! I try to avoid sugar whenever it is possible and it mostly is. But somehow doubt that sugar could make me feel that bad?

[Punarbhava]

Thank you very much for your reassurance and clarification, Punar.

As always I am grateful

 

No problem Maybe. I'm only relaying to you what I tell myself to turn my fear responses down.

 

TBH, I'm not immune to such stories. Like you, I too get thrown into fear mode. Not only that, I get thrown into feelings of "horror and trauma" since, I've lived the reality of the list of extreme symptoms.

 

BTW, I believe this guy's story re: his severe reactions. I took ONE dose of Prozac and went into serotonin syndrome reactions, literally afraid for my life and was bedridden for days after a single dose. So, I'm not discounting this guy's adverse reaction. In fact, I wanted to cry for him and his story is still bothering me since, I believe he should be directed to a benzo forum so he can receive adequate support. I fear for his situation.

 

I am not going to let bring me down by negative stories anymore. That just serves no purpose. Besides, his reaction seems to have been much worse than mine. And as you said, one never knows the whole story!

 

I don't doubt the severity and reality of what he is experiencing. I only doubt his analysis of what is causing the LENGTH of his protracted WD.

 

Sadly I am "down in the trenches" once again, maybe because I have eaten something that I did not tolerate or it was just coincidence. No idea. With it comes of course frustration and despair, but they do not stay as long as before. As I said above, there is no other way.

 

Maybe someone has an idea:

 

- Lunch: spare ribs, fennel and pumpkin

- Dinner: rye crispbread with peanut butter and marmelade (both "bio" products with cane sugar)

 

All those food sorts do not have any influence on my immune system says the test.

 

They may not directly affect your immune system but they can affect your nervous system. For example, I'm not allergic to most foods however, my CNS did react to certain foods. This has significantly improved over the course of time.

 

[Punarbhava]

You are surely right there! I try to avoid sugar whenever it is possible and it mostly is. But somehow doubt that sugar could make me feel that bad?

 

 

Myx0's post is relevant IMHO. Sugar (whether natural or refined) causes blood sugar levels to spike which then initiates an aggressive insulin response.

 

 

I know so many people, including myself, who had bad reactions to sugar during WD. In fact, it's a common WD reaction. Same with carbohydrates. Consumption of these foods directly affect the endocrine system (which in chaos during WD). What sets off then endocrine system will also set off the CNS and then the immune system. All these systems work together, communicating back and forth.

 

 

Even a small dose of sugar can produce a significant enough reaction in many people during WD. Remember, all of our operating systems are over-sensitive and thus, over-reactive so even small quantities can produce significant reactions.

 

Even natural sugars in fruit can set off some people. Eg. watermellon is high in natural sugar and I know people who experienced reactions to it during WD. Same with bananas. So, it would be wise to limit your consumption of ALL types of sugar during WD and then slowly reintroduce them as you start to recover.

 

Anyway, just my two cents (lol)

 

 

Punar

[Maybe]

I do not doubt as well that he had a severe reaction and still has severe symptoms. But as you said, we do not know what he did to lessen the symptoms or if he took other remedies before or during the wd. So it does not serve any purpose to be afraid of that, for his situation is different than ours.

 

Regarding the food, that's what I wanted to say

It is really hard to find out what is causing what, but I am not going to eat peanut butter and marmelade for some time. I even have a feeling that the butter lead to my restless legs...

 

Edit:

I had no problems with banans or other fruits so far, but I will avoid industrial sugar completely from now on!

[Altostrata]

Maybe, I want to add my voice to what Punar said -- you have made a large and admirable step forward in coping with your situation, and very elegantly expressed also.

 

Your meals sound delicious.

 

Myx is correct, refined sugar can cause a lot of problems in the body and nervous system. It's good to minimize ingesting it just for general health reasons.

 

PS Maybe, I don't know if I've suggested this before -- you might send in your case: Researchers seek prolonged antidepressant withdrawal cases

[Maybe]

Thank you, Alto!

 

I will send my info tonight.

[Maybe]

Now it's been 2 awful years, Maybe has cried a billion tears...

 

Well, happy anniversary. I am still not the person I used to be and I have no clue how long this will go on. Symptoms still change by the hour. Right now my GI system, my legs/skin and overall body feeling are the worst problems. I just hope the 2 year mark will bring me luck and lead me around the corner finally.

 

Remaining symptoms in comparison to the previous months:

 

- Tinnitus (same)

- Movement sensitivity (a bit better)

- GI system (worse again)

- Dizziness (better)

- Weird leg feelings (same)

- Weird head and neck feelings and headaches (same)

- General feeling not normal yet, sometimes I feel ill, but have no illness (same)

- Unable to exercise, too much arousal for the cns, only slow walking is possible (not tested)

[Claudius]

I hear you MAybe, this is just a long and arduos walk. Were I rerget so much going cold turkey, afer having taken only 4 pills there is really nothing to be ashamed of. It is just patience to the max. Good that you do some walking, I also benefit from swimming.

One dayt the cormer moment will come for us. But 2 years is still not too much in terms of healing from a SSRI adverse reaction.

[Maybe]

Well, I read from quite a few people who have healed rather fast from a much more severe reaction than mine. From 6 months to 2 years. That's why I hope I will turn the corner soon. I do not need to be 100%, just little bit better, so I can start living close to normal again.

[Maybe]

I somehow have come to the conclusion, that healing of those meds is pure luck or genetics. 24 months out I still get new symptoms (headaches on "the top of my head") and old ones get worse again. My GI is a mess again, my body still does not feel normal.

 

You take some pills and have an adverse reaction, but then you go into wd as if you had taken the pills for months or years. I am sure of that. Bad thing is, it is like a cold turkey. I have no clue how I will ever come out of this mess. I have never felt so helpless and there is absolutely nothing one can do.

 

I would like to repay the doc and the whole pharmaindustry what they have done to us, I just do not know how, yet.

[Claudius]

I feel exactly the same MAybe, we just do not have any indication what is in store for us. I am now almost at 4 years off, still unable to funciton due to the zaps and really feel that one day the choice should be made: trying some med to be able to function, suicide or live on like this and hope for improvemnt and inbetween getting ongoing support... I sill want to ride it out as long as possible hoping the syptoms will suddenly finish, as happend with some people like Goldenbawls from the other site.

I still cannot understand why Big Pharma is impossible to attack, why they came away with the Seroxat scandal in 2002, how they can cheat and lie to such an extent and nobody does anything, who nobody forces them to change the leaflet etc. etc.

I wish you and all of us all the best. But just as you I feel pretty hopeless.

[Altostrata]

Maybe, did you try taking some foods out of your diet? Did that help the gastrointestinal problems at all?

[Maybe]

Good morning Alto

 

I left out those foods that I had, regarding to the test, a strong reaction to. That were primarily all milk products and yeast (all kinds of bread for example). I do not really know if it helps or not, for I still have symptoms off and on. I guess it will play out on the long run. Main problem is, I cannot keep my weight. I am at 65kg now with a height of 188cm. My weight before the pills was between 74 and 76!! I have no clue where this is going to end. Leaving out some foods doesn't make it easier because some of those had a lot of kilo joule.

 

Main symptoms right now are skin issues (very dry and often feeling weird), GI system (slight nausea now and then, loud noises, feeling weird) and lots of minor symptoms that change from hour to hour, but let me thinking this will never resolve. There are so many symptoms (most of them are not terrible, but unnerving!) that I wonder how I can ever feel normal again, because I cannot imagine how that might feel.

 

Sigh....maybe the pills altered some of my genes? Maybe it is pure luck if they change back like they were before?

[Altostrata]

Maybe, you are such a dramatist! Yes, your system will recover.

 

Are you reading SCD/GAPS/Paleo Diets? Some people are finding these restrictive diets help. You can ask questions there.

[Maybe]

Sorry Alto, it seems I am, yes.

I think one would call me a "over the moon, down in the dumps" type of guy.

Everything or nothing.

 

I will have a look at the thread, but my concentration sucks right now.

[Maybe]

Hi all,

 

my weekend was kinda fine. Was away with the office on a work's outing. Though it seems my body had too much stress playing board games and I felt strong DR Sunday evening. Yesterday and today are bad as well. Slight DR, but a strong feeling of being sick and ill as well as muddy/dizzy head. As always every hour, every day is different.

Though there is one symptom that I had around 14 months ago and that is nausea after I have eaten something. It is stronger than back then but it never stays for too long, it comes when I eat a morsel and the goes away again.

On the overall, I am beginning to have some anxiety again, because at the first 10 months of wd, I had "clear" symptoms (dizziness, heat waves etc). Now I have much more symptoms that I cannot always describe and an overall feeling of illness. It feels as if my body is decaying and falling apart. Skin problems, throat, head, legs, dry eyes, weird body feelings and so on...

 

I don't get it. It really seems that more and more parts of the body go into disbalance rather than healing. When I compare my case with those I know, close to all write that they were improving not getting worse.

[Maybe]

I now really believe that it is pure luck when people do heal. There seems to be absolutely no time frame. I consider waves to be events of disbalance, not of healing. As if the body falls from one disbalance into another and so on, always missing the spot of homeostasis.

 

Having close to no (additional to wd) mental and physical stress, a healthy diet and slight exercises might help to find balance again. I felt so much better overall 14 months ago for a period of 3 months that I thought I was close to be back to normal. I doubt that it is normal to feel fine for such a long time in the midst of wd.

 

The acupuncture sessions disruppted my healing brutally and I am now under more stress than I was in hospital, of course. I am working 8 hours a day and I don't exercise too much being short of time. When I was in hospital I could lift weights again!!! without any problems.

I guess it would be best for me to take another break for maybe 3 months and try to heal, but I cannot. I would lose my job and my chances of a better future.

[Claudius]

THis is strange indeed, I had also a window after about 20 months that occurred from nothing. It was weeks before I found the other site and was not even aware of the reason of this all. But after feeling close to normal for a few weeks, I entered an awfukl wave again and this is now more than 2 years ago and I am still far from healed, now after 4 years!

I understand that you still work and that is why I take my hat off for you. I had no other option than to quit working already 3 months in w/d and am now home for 3.5 years, and still pray for the day that I can look for a new job, and try not to think about how will I ever explain why I was homebound for so long.

I still believe we will heal, as you know Charly G. needed 6-7 years to heal but he did. Theese days I entered a "Wave within a wave" again, with nasty headaches but my experience is that those "second degree waves" get over quickly now. So yes, there is improvement. Hang on...

[Maybe]

Hey Claudius,

 

I guess when one makes a mistake in wd, like me with the acupuncture, it can prolong the wd quite a lot. Maybe we sometimes unconsciously do the wrong things and then wonder why it takes so long to heal, when others are fine after some months or a year. Still, on the long run the body seems to come back to health.

[solida]

I had a great window after about 8 months and at months 12 things got really worse.

 

Then I had 3 brutal setbacks.One when I tried St.Johns.W.,one after christmas this year and now since I had the flu in June.And of course waves in between.But waves are different from Setbacks.I have the feeling that I never reached the state I had been in before the setback. But I always felt better after a wave.

 

And also like in your case Claudius-many symptoms showed up very late in withdrawal.For example the eye twiching started after 2years and I still have it.All this is very scary indeed.

 

solida

[Claudius]

I had a great window after about 8 months and at months 12 things got really worse.

 

Then I had 3 brutal setbacks.One when I tried St.Johns.W.,one after christmas this year and now since I had the flu in June.And of course waves in between.But waves are different from Setbacks.I have the feeling that I never reached the state I had been in before the setback. But I always felt better after a wave.

 

And also like in your case Claudius-many symptoms showed up very late in withdrawal.For example the eye twiching started after 2years and I still have it.All this is very scary indeed.

 

solida

 

Yes it is scary. For me it started after about 15 months, after feeling terrible for already more than one year. The eye twitching is realted to the other neuro stuff, and it hinders me now for 2.5 years! But is is healing, I can feel it. And my message is that one should not give up, nor reinstate a med, except in the first months in w/d. THe biggest concern is (financially) surviving this enormous ordeal, in that case I have been lucky. But I truly believe we heal from this, even if it takes 4-7 years...

[Maybe]

Still it seems that the farther one is out the smaller the chance that new symptoms emerge or stay. Since one or two months now, my days vary very strongly. One day good, one day bad. 3 hours bad, 2 hours good. Very weird...

 

@Solida:

As with my acupuncture. We really have to watch out what might harm our cns big time. Cause this will prolong everything, I am sure.