MaizeNblue81: Tapering Zoloft during severe acute Xanax WD

[maizeNblue81]

Yes skeeter that did help and I'm thankful for all the help and advice I get here and all the support and the only reason for the post lately is because of how severe my symptoms have been and how much they have increased changed and even new ones popped up and how before I could say the physical symptoms were way worse than the emotional I can't say that right now at all.

I actually had the talk with my mom yesterday about what I tell my boss co workers and customers about some behavior I have at work most of which I can hide but their are days like today it was too much and it sucks because I take a lot of pride in what I do and I'm very good at it and in some situations people at work might think I'm lazy when I have to lean up against the counter with my head in my hands or when I have to step away and go outside for 5-10mins a few times a day to gather myself because it's too much or when I slur my words or forget what I'm doing or have to ask questions over and over and how I forget things and it's hard for my to learn and maintain new stuff and people think one thing about it but they have no idea of what I'm really going through and since this hit 3 weeks ago I actually told my boss the reason for some of the behavior is severe stress and migraine headaches with nausea and fatigue and that they've been getting so bad I get light headed and dizzy and fell like I'm gonna pass out which none of those things are a lie they are all symptoms I have but he tells me it's just stress of us being short handed and how things have been going at the story which is another issue but to much to get into right now and all I'm thinking in the back of my mind is man you have no idea. 

 

So im very thankful for your post and your suggestions and I do most of them already but today was one of those rare extremely bad days were it was hard to even manage or cope with the symptoms at all. 

[Skeeter]

Maize,

I am so very proud of you.  You are VERY Welcome. You still talked about yourself and talked about your symptoms, but you talked like a real person, and did not repeat what I have heard you say  3 million times before.  We are HUMANS here too.  We like to be talked to about real world issues.  Sure, we are not counselors, but if you actually TALK TO us and not AT us, we can CONNECT with you!                                                                                    

 

 I do know how hard it is to concentrate when your body is doing 10-15 other things.  The best you can do is what you are doing, and do yourself a favor, look for a different job!  I am not asking you to quit your job before you have another job. I am asking you to get a new job before you get fired from this one, but not because of your fault, because your body cannot keep up with this, If your ex does not understand, tell her you can wait until you get fired then find a new job, but you will not get unemployment, and she will get no money during that time. You HAVE to come first.  I had to learn that the hard way. Just MY opinion, not telling you what to do, but giving you a way to explain it to family, because you cannot keep up!   Looking for another job is mandatory, or you will not heal- do you want to feel like this for longer?  I did not think so.  PLEASE at least grab Sunday's paper and make some calls, because it is what is best for you.  Look for a job that requires sitting down and has a slower pace.  If you do not, your body will fail, and like me, I suspect you will get fired, like me, and that about killed me, because I lost who I was, who I THOUGHT I was.  A firing looks awful on a resume, so look for a new job now will do better for you in the long run- please think about that. In interrupted child support looks better than a firing and subsequent job search... I just want you to succeed.

 

Skeeter

[maizeNblue81]

Thanks skeeter for your post again I am very thankful for all the support and advice I get here and I do not take it for granted nor do I ignore any advice given.

I am in the process of finding another job I know for a fact I can not maintain as much as I would like to financially the current position and situation I'm in and today I have to be honest and please forgive me and don't think I'm moaning but these symptoms both the physical and emotional have reached a whole new level of pain and suffering and this wave that hit me 3 1/2 weeks ago now is not letting up and continues to get worse and more severe it seems everyday.

I really am getting scared now and I explain this not to repeat myself or to annoy anyone or make anyone mad but because of how severe and very scary and how much these symptoms have changed in the last 3 weeks and I don't know what to do?

Today has reached a whole new level with the head pressure burning numbness and physical pain in my head being so severe and so horrible I can't even hardly function at all and I feel like I'm crawling out of my own skin it is so bad. I thought it was bad before but this kind of suffering is what sent me to the hospital back in October for and how it can be this severe and continue to get worse after 7 months is beyond me very scary and very discouraging.

The emotional symptoms are off the charts today as well and are continually getting worse and today they reached a whole new level as well and I feel like I'm losing all since of myself and reality and having a complete psychological breakdown. The confusion DP/DR, horrible evil racing and intrusive thoughts SU/HM ideation extreme agaitation and feeling like I'm gonna jump out of my skin and act on these crazy things going through my head and it's scaring me really bad I really don't know what to do and I've been close all day to going to the hospital if I just thought they could actually help me and not just put me on more drugs and make me worse and look at me like I was crazy. 

I don't know how long these waves are saposed to last or wether this is benzos or the Zoloft or everything else but whatever it is I'm losing it and this is getting worse and I wouldn't be talking about my symptoms again if it were not this bad and I didn't feel like I was really having a psychotic breakdown.

I had to run errands with my mom today and I drove and I couldn't hardly focus on the road the pressure and pain in my head was so severe and it made it worse with all the crazy going in my head and I'll teling you it's evil evil thoughts about everything and it's like my mind is going crazy and in a very dark and twisted place and I can't shake it and the high levels of anxiety and impulsive desire to lash out and act on these thoughts is scaring me even more and again or has not been this bad since detox and I don't even now if it was this bad then.

what am I doing wrong? Is this benzo WD is this Zoloft of this is a wave will this end and the symptoms calm back down. 

This is turning into something that was horrible three weeks ago into a real major crisis and I'm really needing help on this one cause I'm almost to the edge and about to fall off 

[JanCarol]

Quote

what am I doing wrong?

 

You are focusing on the symptoms.

 

You are pushing yourself into deeper stress.  I have a number of personal friends I support through distress, and we call this "ramping up."  It often happens for my friends when they watch too much TV news, and they believe that the world is a horrible place, and they feel helpless and hopeless.  The answer is simple - they can't fix the problems of the world.  But they can stop watching the TV news.  

Shift your focus.

 

Think of the lens of a camera.  The old fashioned kind that you had to focus.

 

When the lens of the camera is focused on your symptoms only, that's all you see.  Makes ugly pictures, and you keep taking those pictures wondering why it doesn't get better?

You need to shift the focus of your camera onto something else.  It may just be a tiny thing.  A drop of dew on a leaf.  The height of trees against the sky.  The spark in the eyes of your daughter when she laughs.  The sound of her voice.  The pleasure of eating good food.  The texture of a smooth cotton shirt.  
 

When you shift your focus, for just a second, you forget the symptoms.  Maybe it's just for a second.

 

But the next time you do this - it might last longer, or there might be more than one thing you can engage your senses with.  The color of the sky, the smell of rain.  The accomplishment of a thing well done.  The desire to do another thing well.   There - it was more than a second.

 

Eventually, you will get to the point where you are distracted for longer.  One foot in front of the other, you start to lead yourself out of the hole you are digging.

 

My Dad used to say to me, in order to get out of a hole you must first stop digging.  Focusing on your symptoms is part of what is digging your hole. 

 

Look away from your symptoms, as overwhelming as they may seem.  Stop digging the hole.

[JanCarol]

A few pages back, a member asked you to say a prayer for yourself. 

 

To repeat it in times of distress.  You dismissed her wise advice, saying that your Mom was praying for you.

 

But it is not your Mom who is suffering, it is you.  It is you who needs to pray, you who needs to seek guidance through the pain.

Your Mom cannot save you with her prayers - but your prayers might.

 

Consider Psalm 9:

Quote

1 LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory in the heavens. 

2 Through the praise of children and infants you have established a stronghold against your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger. 

3 When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, 

4 what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? 

5 You have made them a little lower than the angelsand crowned them with glory and honor. 

6 You made them rulers over the works of your hands; you put everything under their feet: 

7 all flocks and herds, and the animals of the wild, 

8 the birds in the sky, and the fish in the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas. 

9 LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

 

Say it as a prayer daily.  Feel the words as you say them.  Write it out, post it on your mirror.  Memorize it.  Anytime you have symptoms, say it, even silently in your head - to get through the tough moments.

You are not alone in this.  It's time to appreciate the support that you have.

[maizeNblue81]

Yes ma'am I'm trying but this just keeps getting worse and these symptoms and severity today has been even worse than when I went into the hospital and for the last 3 weeks they just keep getting worse and today it has been the emotional and physical symptoms one big huge increase and monster wave like the last 3 weeks has just been leading up to today and wham I really feel like I'm losing it and the emotional and physical torture is unlike anything I've ever experienced so far so why is this getting so much worse? 

 

I did pray today and when it got to the point I could not function or handle it anymore I prayed turned on the campfire app momma P gave me and literally laid in this bed my head on fire extreme pressure burning numbness and physical pain on to of feeling like I was crawling out of my skin couldn't breath like I was having a panic attack and the horrible evil thoughts running through my head it was all I could do to not go to the hospital.

 

I laid there and just tried to focus on the camp fire and my prayer and I guess I passed out for a few hours but when I woke up at 9:00 I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck physically and emotionally Ms Carol and it's hard not to focus on the symptoms when it's that much of a change and that big of a increase in the symptoms and the suffering and torture is that severe. 

 

I do do appreciate all the support and you responding to me even now and it's the only thing that and my mothers prayers that is keeping going this wave the last 3 weeks has been the absolute worst one I've had in 7 months when will they call back down again cause if this continues to increase like this I want survive till the next round 

[ChessieCat]

Instead of coming online here and on BenzoBuddies (you've been on that site for quite a while this afternoon, my time) you would do better to go to YouTube and watch some funny videos or soothing videos.  Search for parrots, there are some wonderful ones of people with their pet parrots.  Or cats or dogs, horses, mice, rats, chinchillas, they can all be funny and/or cute.  Or just nature ones, insects, fish, clouds, lightning, whales.  There is so much more on the internet that you could be watching to distract yourself and get your focus off your symptoms.  Being on here and on BB can be very stressful and depressing.

[maizeNblue81]

I haven't been on either very long today ms Cat I keep both sites up and running and don't ever close them on my phone so it may look like I'm online but I'm not even when I'm sleeping. I have only been on here to write that one post earlier and then my reply to Ms carol and now you so not very much at all as I stayed busy most of the day with my mom and my daughter and since I've been home other than these few post I've been dealing with the severity of these symptoms today and like I said earlier I turned on my campfire momma p gave me and took a nap or passed out for a few hours.

 

Im going to try and get some sleep but it was just like I was thinking out on the porch a min ago after 7 months I feel today like I did back in the hospital if not worse than even the acute early stages of WD and at this point after 7 months I don't even know if I've left the acute stage but this wave is so much worse than even back then and I'm trying to hold on but this is misery and suffering I've never experienced before and after 7 months and all the suffering I've already been through this one has got me on my knees begging for mercy and wandering if I will even survive this mentally or physically Ms Cat it really is that bad 

[ChessieCat]

Mmm, sorry, I hadn't thought of that.

 

However, I still think it would be a lot better for you if you did watch things on YoutTube to get your mind off your symptoms rather than posting about them.

[maizeNblue81]

Yeah I'm trying Ms Cat but I woke up today even called in late to work to get some extra sleep and these symptoms both the physical and emotional symptoms continue to increase more and more everyday to the point I'm really losing hope and can not function. The pressure pain burning and numbness in my head is getting so bad and so severe on top of the emotional symptoms increasing the confusion DP/DR intrusive and racing thoughts nauseous fatigue it's so bad I'm trying to get to work now but I don't know if I'm gonna make it? 

 

I have went from 3 weeks ago being bad but functional to now being 10x worse and hardly able to even get up out of my bed or function at all. I can't breath no cognitive ability and all can't think can't do anything but just set here and suffer and cry it is that bad.

 

what is causing this? If this is a wave why continuing to get worse and when will it end? I haven't changed anything with the Zoloft been staying at the 100ml line on my sports bottle this whole time no major changes with that but it's so bad I can breath function stand or even move I'm really scared so much pain and increase in physical symptoms and how severe the emotional symptoms are I'm losing hope and my mind 

[maizeNblue81]

Ok something is for sure not right and I'm really losing hope that this is just a wave or something normal or atypical when it comes to benzo WD.

 

I didn't post yesterday tried to just push through with work the last two days and deal with everything and how bad it's been recently but the last two days have just been too much and it just keeps getting worse.

 

I felt so bad Thursday I didn't even go in till 12:00 and only stayed for about a hour because it was so bad I couldn't hardly stand up. The head pressure numbness burning and physical pain in my head was so severe along with the nausea very light headed and dizzy horrible confusion DP/DR intrusive and racing thoughts it was all so bad I could not hide it and my boss actually told me to go home and I ended leaving came home and about 9:00 it was so severe I thought there has to be something else going on cause this is crazy and I went to the ER to get at least checked out to make sure it wasn't something else and they did round of blood work, urine, ekg cause my chest was hurting and I was getting sharp pains on the left side of my chest that shot through to the center of my back, a chest x ray the whole 9 and of course everything they said came back ok and of course they laughed at me when I told them about the nightmare I was living with WD to xanex since I hadnt had any since October of last year and just sent me home.

 

I was there till about midnight came home and it took till about 1:30 to get to sleep and didn't even wake up till about 6:00 then had to go on and work yesterday then today and this has honestly been the worst two days I've had period in months.

 

i was hoping honestly they would tell me this was something other than WD but it's not and believe it or not it's harder knowing the WD is this bad and has gotten this severe after 7 1/2 months off xanex and I know I'm still on Zoloft but I've come off AD before and I've never experienced this level of torture and suffering both mentally and physically before not even last year when I took lexapro for 6 weeks and then came off it and had horrible WD or what I thought was horrible WD for another 6 weeks after stopping it. 

 

This is crazy. If this is a wave or that monster uptick in symptoms everyone keeps telling me about between 6/9 months how long is this gonna last and why has this gotten this severe after over 7 months? 

 

Today I don't know how I made it through work at all I don't know how I'm even writing this right now cause it's just a very tiny small part of my rational self that's doing it.

 

Today and please don't be made at me but these symptoms are so severe I got home and literally feel at my mothers feet and just cried for about a good half hour and tried to get up and almost feel flat on my face.

 

Emotionally I honestly feel like I'm having a psychotic breakdown and completely losing my mind and all since of reality or since of myself. Horrible evil intrusive and racing thoughts about everything and I feel completely detached from my own thoughts and emotions to the point I'm scared to be by myself or around anyone else for that matter. Completely confused disoriented severe DP/DR to the point I can hear myself talk and saying what I'm saying but it's like it's not me and it's someone else saying it. Even setting here writing this I can see myself typing and that little part left of me is coming up with the words but it's not really me doing it. It's crazy these symptoms have hit a whole new level in severity and it's scaring me.

 

The physical symptoms were so bad today I couldn't hardly stand up at work and even my boss noticed it and said man do you feel ok and why do you close your eyes and hold your head like your in pain all the time and all I could tell him was it must be stress and that I was having major headaches and the ER said I had hypertension stress and anxiety related symptoms which was not a lie of course just nowhere near the whole truth.

 

The head pressure burning numbness and physical symptoms in my head are just getting so much worse and more severe I can't hardly open or close my eyes my head feels like it's gonna explode and it's on fire.

 

Im sorry for bothering everyone but this is getting out of hand and at this point I don't know what to do? I mean am I supposed to just quit everything again and go back to basically being bed and house ridden laying here and just suffering 24/7 hoping one day I'll get better? 

 

Is any any of this normal? And why is this continuously getting worse if this is a wave and not easing up at all after almost a month since this hit me? 

[scallywag]

maize, some people experience that painful symptom. You can read what others have to say about it in this topic:

Exploding head syndrome or SSRI withdrawal symptom?

[maizeNblue81]

Well it's not just the head pressure and physical symptoms in my brain it's the severity and increase of the mental and emotional symptoms on top of it that just makes it worse and makes it hard to even function at all and is very scary. 

 

This all hit right at the end of month 6 going into month 7 and I've been told that it's very common to see a like or increase or wave whatever you wanna call during this time but this is the worst most severe symptoms I have faced since leaving the hospital back in October and I haven't been to the loing of being on the floor crying in pain or suffering so emotionally to where I feel like I'm having a complete breakdown since the first few months of WD and after I left the hospital this is crazy.

 

so on top of the physical pain and intensity of the head pressure burning numbness and physical symptoms the emotional symptoms are what makes it so much worse and hard to function at all 

[maizeNblue81]

Ok I'm really getting scared now and I don't know what to do? Please don't be made at me I know I keep talking about these symptoms but they really are continuing to get worse and today even more so than yesterday it hit yet another level of increased severity.

 

I woke up this morning to a new level of suffering that's even worse than the last 3 weeks combined and I even tried to get up and shave and take a shower and go to church and that was a challenge in and of itself.

 

I somehow made it to church although I don't even remember hardly any of it the pain physically and emotionally has been so severe but I made it. Sat in my car for I don't know how long then tried to stand up and go into the church and could hardly walk the pain pressure burning numbness and physical symptoms in my head were so severe I couldn't think or hardly stand up I was extremely disoriented and was kinda going in and out of reality it seemed almost I guess what it would feel like having a concussion and severe migraine at the same time. My nervous system was so bad and the anxiety so high I was literally shaking very nauseous light headed dizzy and couldn't breath and the horrible intrusive and racing thoughts were on so loud I couldn't think or hardly talk or keep my head up.

 

I made it into the church and had to set down immediately and could only lay my head down on my lap and couldn't even focus on what the minister was saying. At the end of church my mom wanted me to come up for prayer and she had to help me up there I couldn't stand up or walk on my own and after the church prayed for me I just feel on my moms shoulder and started crying and couldn't move and thought I was gonna pass out. 

 

We we went to eat after church and it was all I could do to get through the meal and had to come straight home and came straight in my room and feel out on the bed. I guess I feel asleep for a little bit but now I'm awake again and don't wanna be cause this is crazy and the symptoms are so severe now I can't hardly function at all and I feel like with the physical symptoms my brain and body are completely shutting down and the emotional symptoms are so severe I feel like I'm having a complete psychotic breakdown and losing all sense of reality.

 

I don't understand how and why these symptoms continue to get more and more severe but I'm losing it and I can't handle anymore this is crazy. 

 

I haven't changed anything with the Zoloft now in 3 months and I've heard about the 6 month wave that comes with benzo WD and many I've talked to have had a major increase or uptick in symptoms between 6-9 months before improving but this is out of control and it's getting to the point I can't handle it it's so bad.

 

Its been over 3 almost 4 weeks since this wave hit and it's. It getting any better just worse. It was so bad this week that I ended up in the ER had to call out one day of work and left early one day and if this continues like this I want survive and I for sure want be able to work.

 

This can't be normal and I'm literally hanging on by a thread. In the last 3 weeks I've went from bad and coping the best I could to the worst symptoms I've ever experienced with this and not being functional at all and feeling like I'm losing my mind.

 

There is so much pressure pain burning and numbness in my head I can't walk or talk or stand up for any length of time o feel physically sick and nauseous and like I'm gonna pass out can't even hardly hold my head up. And the emotional symptoms are so severe the confusion, DP/DR, racing and intrusive thoughts that I really am don't having a complete psychological breakdown losing it and don't know how much more I can take? 

[maizeNblue81]

I know I haven't got a response yet from my last post but I really am worried and I really feel like I'm losing my mind and having a complete psychological breakdown. 

 

As as bad as things were yesterday I hardly got any sleep at all last night and the little I got I woke up this morning completely disoriented feeling of non reality took me a minute to even gather myself enough to even get up out of my bed and my mind is racing a mile a minute and I have no cognitive ability at all I just feel numb and disoriented racing and intrusive thoughts and literally feel like I'm losing my mind.

 

The physical symptoms the head pressure burning numbness and physical pain is unbearable I can't move or think or even stand up I mean it really is scaring me how much things have changed and how much the symptoms have increased over the last 3 weeks and they are continuing to get worse.

 

Ive went from suffering but coping and at least being somewhat functional and coping to a non functioning state with the physical symptoms being so bad and literally feeling like I'm going insane and losing my mind emotionally.

 

This wave continues to get worse and is not letting up and I try to distract myself and tell myself it's WD but how in the world do you do that when the symptoms are this severe to the point you feel like your going insane?

 

This can't be normal and I really am scared before the last three weeks I was able to function normally and push through and was able to tell myself it's WD your going to be ok but now I don't even have the ability to do that because my brain is out of control and the emotional have increased that much to the point I can't control my mind or my thoughts anymore. 

[scallywag]

maize

 

We given you our best understanding about symptoms intensifying - waves and windows. If we knew anything else, we'd tell you. If we knew anyway to ease your symptoms we'd tell you.

[ChessieCat]

You have had major changes happen in your life in the last year.  CHANGE = STRESS

 

When I was going through a difficult time I created a timeline on paper and wrote down the things that had happened in my life.  Once I saw it I understood why I wasn't coping. 

 

I suggest you have a look at this.  Measure stress according to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, the number of "Life Change Units" that apply to events in the past year of an individual's life:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale

[maizeNblue81]

Yes ma'am Ms Cat I know I have had more changes and more stress as you say in the past year than I think I ever have at any other point in my life and I sometimes think I've been through more in a year than some go through in a lifetime and I know that all the changes and stress haven't helped but these symptoms Ms Cat have literally tripled in the last 3 weeks and I can't begin to explain how much more severe but the physical and emotional symptoms are.

 

The head pressure numbness burning and physical pain in my head has reached a whole new level of suffering that I've ever experienced in the last 7 months since Detox and the emotional suffering has just about done me in on top of it. The confusion DP/DR horrible evil intrusive and racing thoughts I really do feel like I'm having a complete psychotic breakdown on top of the physical pain and as bad as it was before this wave hit it was not even close to this bad 3 weeks ago.

 

It was bad but I was coping and doing my best to hold on but this wave is straight crisis mode and left me on my knees begging for mercy not knowing if I will survive this or not.

[maizeNblue81]

Ok I know I haven't got many responses here lately and I know everyone may be irritated with me on posting about my symptoms but I am really really scared right now. 

 

I am losing my mind and i really think im having a full on psychotic breakdown to the point I'm scared and wandering if I should go to the hospital and I would if I didn't think they would look at me like I was crazy and just force more drugs down my throat. 

 

On on top of the severe physical symptoms, pressure burning numbness and pain in my head and how they have increased I really do feel like I'm losing all since of reality with the emotional suffering and I feel like I'm going crazy and losing my mind to the point of. It only not being functional but having SU/HM ideation and crazy horrible racing and intrusive thoughts on top of the confusion and DP/DR getting more severe.

 

Im not trying to panic and I'm trying to hold on but this is getting out of hand and has continued to get more and more intense everyday over the last 3 weeks to the point I missed work for the first time last week because of it needed up in the ER and now I feel like I may end up back in the psych ward or worse.

 

This is crazy and I feel like after 7 months I've taking 10 steps back and I'm just as bad now as I was when I went into the hospital if. It worse and I haven't been like this since the first few months of WD or coming out of detox.

 

Is this a massive wave of Benzo WD? Is this the Zoloft which I've been holding on the same dose now for three months? 

 

Has anyone experienced this kinda of massive increase in both the physical and emotional symptoms after being off benzos for 7 months or more? 

 

This is crazy and im losing it. 

[bubble]

Are you still going to work?

 

I just wrote to Blondie how I have to take time off work in the middle of the week because I feel I would start losing it if I pushed myself past certain point. Pushing oneself when in WD is very dangerous. Unfortunately I'm not surprised that you are feeling worse and worse.

 

Among other things it seems you totally have difficulty accepting the fact that worsening of your symptoms might be the result of 10-12 hour work days... Even working much less than a regular person causes my symptoms to get worse. I don't know if you noticed it but a lot of people don't work for months and years after detoxes and stuff. Some people can't even leave their house or even beds. You are not only 7 months off a benzo but 7 years of drug changes. I sympathise with you. We all do. But we just can't continue writing the same things over and over again.

 

Read other people's threads. You will find descriptions of your symptoms everywhere. And also answers and suggestions. But most importantly you will see that people survive it.

 

You are a survivor. A whiny survivor but a survivor. If you are too unwell to go to church then don't go... When our leg is broken we don't run... it is as simple as that (although this is easier said than done). But it can be done.

[maizeNblue81]

I'm sorry I'm really not trying to be a whiner or annoy anyone these really have gotten that severe and have changed that much in the last month and it seems to be getting worse.

 

I told my mom earlier I went from 3 weeks ago suffering and not feeling well but coping and pushing through to now being in a total crisis and barley hanging on by a thread.

 

The physical symptoms especially the head pressure burning and numbness in my brain was the worst before and probably a 8 out of 10 on the pain and discomfort scale but now I'd say it's a 12 and the emotional symptoms were about a 5-6 before and now I'd say a 14 it's so bad and just as bad as the physical symptoms now.

 

I feel physically sick now with extreme nausea light headed and dizziness on top of all the pressure and physical pain in my head and emotionally I feel like I'm seriously having a complete psychological breakdown and losing my mind and all since of reality and feeling completely detached from myself. 

 

It was not not anywhere near this bad 3-4 weeks ago.

 

I am still going to work but last week I ended up calling out one day and leaving early one day because it was so bad and even after two days off I could not make it through more than a half a day today and had to leave early which my boss was not happy about and I'm pretty sure they are ready to fire me or let me go after today but I was so physically sick couldn't hardly stand up the pain and pressure in my head was so bad along with the emotional symptoms I could not go on and I knew if I tried to push through the day I probably wouldn't make it home. 

 

So so I don't know what to do? I have to be able to work but the job I have now is an hour away from my home and the situation at the store I work at isn't that great and is extremely short staffed and has a lot going on on top of the normal stress of the job and I don't think I can handle it at this point with my symptoms being so severe. 

 

Its hard for me to believe it has gotten this bad after all this time and I'm really losing hope I'll ever recover from this or ever have any kind of a life besides one that is filled with suffering and pain all the time.

 

im still holding on the Zoloft don't feel I'm anywhere near stable enough to deal with that at the moment which sucks cause I just wander if the Zoloft hasn't turned on me and is contributing to my symptoms but what do I really do about that? I don't know if this is the major horrific wave everyone tells me about with benzo WD between the 6-9 months period or the Zoloft or the stress with work or a combination of all of it but this is crazy and I don't see how anyone survives and should ever have to endure this level of suffering? 

 

I don't know what to do and I hate quoting my job especially before finding a new one especially with my girls and bills and my car and everything else demanding I work but I can't keep up this pace and it sucks when you know you can do something and do it well and make good money but your brain and body will not let you. 

[RachelSusan]

Have you checked with your doctor to see if they will put you on disability so that you can take some time off to recover?  It sounds like your need is real. I know there is federal and state disability but don't know much more than than.  It may be worth looking into.

[maizeNblue81]

Yes ma'am I actually applied for disability last year after all this started but was not initially approved and just sent off my appeal letter last week so don't know anything yet on that. 

 

I would love to be able to work and I never imagined while I was in the hospital that after 7 months off Xanex I'd still be suffering this way to the point I could not work but here I am and it's very discouraging 

[maizeNblue81]

Should I continue to try and push through at my current job till I can find something else or just not push it and call it what it is and just focus on finding something that's no more than 40yrs 8 hours a day and not 10-12 that's less stressful till I can see whether or not I get my disability? 

 

Im really struggling with this I want to work but these symptoms are so severe I don't think my mind or my body can handle it right now in my current situation 

[Happy2Heal]

oh my goodness Maize, you are working 10 to 12 hr days? how on earth do you do that?!?!

as far as disability, if you mean the SSDi, as far as I know, you working those many hours does not favor a disability claim being approved. If there's any way for you to manage financially, it *might* be to your advantage to take sick leave from work now, assuming they have something like that. 

You are much more likely to be approved for disability if you are not working, or only working part time, and/or missing a lot of days due to "illness" (we know WD is not an ilness but they won't have any other words for it, most likely)

You are also a lot more likely to be approved with the help of a lawyer. They generally just take a percentage of what your initial "award" is, as it dates back to when you applied.

I have known many people who were clearly disabled who were denied and needed a lawyer for the second round.

It also helps immensely to have a doctor on your side, two or more doctors is even better, but I imagine in your situation this may be difficult.

anyway, you may know all or most of this already, but  just in case, I thought I'd put it out there.

 

 

If you can manage somehow, I'd love to see you be able to take some time off to rest and heal.

 

 

[maizeNblue81]

Yeah I don't think my current job is gonna let me just take some time off as ever since I left today they have been blowing up my phone wanting to know when and if I'm coming back and this is so hard cause I want to work and honestly I can't financially afford not working and I don't know how the disability thing is gonna turn out cause like I said I wasn't initially approved and actually received a denial letter while I was in the hospital and when I told them I was in the hospital they said they would help my case but I would have to appeal so I got all that done and submitted last week and I was ok with work up until the last 3 weeks and ever since this major wave of symptoms hit its gradually gotten to the point now I can't hardly function and just don't think I can do it right now which really stinks cause I sat in this house for over 5 months after detox didn't hardly leave but to go to the store now I feel like I'm all the way back to that and it's miserable and very discouraging 

[RachelSusan]

Yes it is very discouraging. A lot of people here had to stop working because they became so disabled from the medications and going off them. Financially it's a real struggle when you need the money to pay the bills.  Very very difficult situation. I wish you the best of luck with your appeal.

[maizeNblue81]

Thank you I hope it goes through cause that would sure take a lot of pressure off of me right now 

[powerback]

hi I worked 10/12 hours last year for months during withdrawal ,I barely pushed through and then my crash came in December a fuse went in me ,since December its a joke ,people really need to watch what there doing please take my example and stop working these hours in so much pain .I agree it is so hard not to meet society's and our own expectations ,but if I had of known what I'm going through the last 6 months ,I would never of worked them hours .

PB

[miT]

I agree man. You can’t heal when pushing yourself to the limits like that. You’re harming yourself instead, adding to your problems.

[maizeNblue81]

Well I honestly think I'm losing it and I don't k is if I could work or continue my current job even if I wanted too? I'm trying to hold on and believe I will survive this and it will get better but I've literally went from bad and suffering but holding on and coping and even able to work to today feeling like I'm having a complete psychological breakdown losing my mind and feeling like there is no hope and hardly being able to function at all in the last three weeks it has increased and changed that much! 

It's not just the physical pain head pressure burning numbness in my head which has been the worst and most consistent set of symptoms since day one but emotionally where 3 or 4 weeks ago I could push through and get past it enough to function now I feel completely detached from reality losing all since of myself and the world around me and my mind it's like it's shutting down and giving up and the horrible evil intrusive thoughts it's like my brain and body are saying I've had enough no more I give up! 

It's very scary and I'm trying to do whatever I can distraction with whatever I can rest when I can but it's getting harder and harder to even function between the physical and emotional symptoms I feel like I'm losing it and I want survive this.

I went to the store last night to get me some decaf Coro try and take my mind off of it and when I went into the store and got to the coffee I just stood there and forgot what I was doing and couldn't hardly move or get it back together enough to even get out of the store and that was very scary and it was no where near this bad 3 weeks ago! 

I don't understand I'm still on the Zoloft but I've been holding at the same dose for three months now and no major changes with that but right at the end of month 6 going into now month 7 it hit me like a Mack truck and has been getting worse ever since to the point last week I ended up in the ER and missed work and now it looks like I'm going to have to quit my job and go back to being home bound and I really don't know what to do? 

I feel like I'm on the verge of just completely losing my mind and I don't know what to do? 

Is any of this normal and do you have this kinda wave or increase in symptoms around month 7?

[maizeNblue81]

Ok I really am very scared right now. I don't know what to do? I talked to my Regional Manager today and she is gonna work with me as far as taking the rest of this week off and I had already scheduled next week off so I have all next week too to try and find another job and just try and rest hoping these symptoms will ease a little during that time but it's not getting any better and in fact it continues to get much worse and as bad as it's been I was just standing up by the door and it's like I lost complete awareness of all reality got extremely dizzy and felt like I was gonna pass out and had to come lay down on the couch.

 

laying here now and I feel completely detached from myself and all reality around me and I'm having a hard time even posting this. 

 

The physical pain pressure, burning and numbness in my head continues to reach new levels everyday and the emotional symptoms are getting so much worse and more severe and I don't know how much longer I can hold on if this continues to increase and become more and more severe. 

 

Im not trying to bother or annoy anyone but this really is very scary and the only reason I continue to talk about my symptoms is because they continue to get worse and more severe to the point I can't even function and I haven't even worked the last two days after leaving early on Tuesday.

 

I can't move, it's hard to breath, I feel like I've lost all cognitive ability, and I can't control my mind or the racing and intrusive thoughts and I literally am losing all since of reality and the world around me. 

 

I dont know if this this is part of WD, or the Zoloft or stress or all the above but I'm losing it and I'm very scared and I don't know what to do? 

[mammaP]

What happened at the ER Maize? Did you get any blood tests or other drugs? 

[maizeNblue81]

Yes ma'am they did blood and urine and checked all my vitals of course and did a ekg and a chest x ray and all came back ok and of course they looked at me like I was crazy after telling them I had been going through some pretty rough WD symptoms since coming off Xanex back in October and they just keep asking me how long had it been since I had any of that med and I said 7+ months and they just looked at me like I was crazy. No they didn't give me any other med just did all the basic test 

[JanCarol]

Happy2Heal wrote:

Quote

You are also a lot more likely to be approved with the help of a lawyer. They generally just take a percentage of what your initial "award" is, as it dates back to when you applied.

I have known many people who were clearly disabled who were denied and needed a lawyer for the second round.

 

I know in my home state of Indiana this was true.  No applications approved on first attempt.  Lawyer requred to get it through.  I seem to recall this was the case for a friend of mine in Illinois, too (but her relatives were lawyer-ly people and able to help).

 

I'm sorry you had to go to the ER, but that will help your case with your employers.

 

I've been thinking about you - you have been holding for awhile now, and while there has not been much stable in your life (pressure, new job, long hours, etc. - these count as "changes" too, in the healing equation), I'm beginning to hold a concern for your genetics liver enzyme profile.

 

It is becoming fashionable in the US to get a liver enzyme genetic test done to see if you can metabolize a drug before they prescribe it.  It's called "personalized medicine," and really, it's just an excuse to find something on the chart to prescribe.  It does, however, prevent harm, as toxic reactions to these drugs can be disabling.  I am beginning to wonder if you might be in that category.  

I just looked up - and I'm having trouble finding out which enzymes, and I don't normally recommend this, but it might be something you can investigate.  If you do find out you have a CYP/liver conflict, then that will change how you should approach your taper.

 

There's more information here:  

 

[maizeNblue81]

I don't know about those things MS Carol I've had all the test thy could do in the ER and they came back ok and I had two rounds of blood work done at my PCP and the first round showed my vitamin D being low and something with my pancreatic enzyme being off but then when she did it the second time just the vitamin D so I don't know? 

 

I have been holding on the Zoloft now 3 months using the 100ml line on my sports bottle which I still don't know how accurate that is or what dose I'm really taking but I fill it up to the 100ml line or as close as I can every night then WD 10ml and take it the same way every night. But I need to remeasure and try and really figure out what I'm doing with that.

 

these symptoms are quite severe and the worst wave I have ever experienced. It started 3 1/2 weeks ago and has not let up just gotten worse to the point now I can't hardly function or work and I feel like I'm have a complete psychological breakdown mentally and losing my mind.

 

ive been told that there is something with benzo WD called the 6 months wave and my symptoms seem to be atypical so I've been told although their is nothing normal about my symptoms or my situation but all the people I've talked too say they got hit with a massive wave or increase in symptoms around month 6-7 and it was horrible and didn't start getting any relief till around month 9 or so but this is so bad and so severe I don't know if I can hang on another 5-6 weeks like this? 

 

The burning pressure numbness and physical pain is at all all time high and the worst it's ever been extremely confused, horrible DP/DR losing all since of reality and myself and the world around me and horrible intrusive thoughts it's all just getting worse and I can't handle worse