tezza: risperdal withdrawal

[tezza]

I have been on .25 of Risperdal for over a month. I don't remember exactly the date but stopped tapering it when I started trying to taper off the Remeron, so I may have been holding Risperdal longer than a month. I kept getting more depressed and having more dread of living. Yesterday was a bad day. I started to wish I would die because I felt so hopeless and alone.

 

I decided to try taking a drop off the Risperdal. It's too soon to know for sure but I was in a better mood this morning. Mornings are usually the best for me. As the day progresses I spiral downward. My life is not that bad and I try to fight the negative thoughts. Some days I just can't keep them away.

 

I will keep hoping and trying! Maybe one day...

[vaseadude]

Tezza,

I am sorry to hear about your low mood and hopelessness..

 

Are you taking Risp in the morning? I too find that I am better in the mornings than the evenings.

[tezza]

Hi Vasea

 

I take it before bedtime and have wondered if it got low in my system later in the day.

[vaseadude]

I take it in the morning though). I think its just natural that we feel better in the morning, even people that are not on meds feel like this.

 

What are your taper decrements now?

[Barbarannamated]

I take it in the morning though). I think its just natural that we feel better in the morning, even people that are not on meds feel like this.

 

This is interesting. It thought the opposite is true... that most people (drugs aside) feel worse in the morning ("not morning person", "need coffee to get going", etc.).

 

Have you both always been better in the evening? Did either of you experience "cortisol mornings" during tapering?

 

I'm sorry you're having a rough time, Tezza.

 

Hugs.

B

[tezza]

Thank you Barb. I have had the cortisol mornings, waking with panic/anxiety during the night and also waking at 4am. I've always thought I was the only one that spiraled downward throughout the day, until now. I've read many threads on here about others having really bad mornings and feeling better later in the day.

 

Maybe Vasea is right or maybe it's the Risperdal, I'm not sure. I have always had better mornings, though, then the day seems so long that I can hardly wait till bedtime, medicine time. I take soma, Xanax, Remeron and Risperdal before bed. I have had the dread upon waking but depression and anxiety worsen as the day goes. If the day would get better I would have something to look forward to, I think.

 

I have always been a morning person, though, so there again, Vasea could be right.

 

Hugs

[vaseadude]

Barbara, what exactly is a cortisol morning? It is just feeling stressed in the morning? I feel a little bit of restlessness in the morning after I wake but I don't feel other symptoms like headache, bad mood, or others only later in the day.

 

I think in our society is a normal thing to have rough mornings, when everyone is just sitting up late watching TV, not getting enough sleep, having unhealthy lifestyles and other factors... I just know that when I was doing decent exercise daily and not staying up late I felt really good in the mornings. And on the contrary, other times when I just spent my nights chatting online, mornings were awful)... but I really think that normally, sleep should be a recharging mechanism and you should feel better in the mornings.

[Barbarannamated]

Barbara, what exactly is a cortisol morning? It is just feeling stressed in the morning? I feel a little bit of restlessness in the morning after I wake but I don't feel other symptoms like headache, bad mood, or others only later in the day.

 

I think in our society is a normal thing to have rough mornings, when everyone is just sitting up late watching TV, not getting enough sleep, having unhealthy lifestyles and other factors... I just know that when I was doing decent exercise daily and not staying up late I felt really good in the mornings. And on the contrary, other times when I just spent my nights chatting online, mornings were awful)... but I really think that normally, sleep should be a recharging mechanism and you should feel better in the mornings.

 

Vaseadude,

I got a little chuckle from your message! I thought *we ALL* had cortisol mornings! It is the natural cortisol peak in a hyperaroused, rebound-type state that is common in SS/NRI withdrawal. Im on mobile and can't see your full sig, so I'm thinking this may be more of a serotonin w/d thing and not related to neuroleptics that don't effect serotonin as strongly. Cortisol is the hormone that is involved in the fight or flight response and also naturally peaks in the morning to say "wake up! Prepare for the day!" When it's rebounding and "dumping", the awakenings are absolutely brutal: abrupt awakenings with heart racing/pounding usually at approximately 4am (triggered by sunlight). It usually lasts to some degree for several hours. I tried to find it explained in a thread, but this is the best I came up with:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2144-i-hate-cortisol-mornings/page__gopid__32910#entry32910

 

Sorry to hijack your thread, Tezza! I hope you are feeling a bit better. The hopelessness and dread of life are, for me, worse than cortisol mornings/panic and anxiety of earlier stages of withdrawal. I'm having a rough time with it, too. I feel like I need something -anything - to look forward to. Does anticipating your grandbaby's arrival help? I look at you and others with family or jobs and automatically go into a mental comparison ("I don't have family, career..I have no life..") and this compounds the dread of life and desire for the end of the nothingness. I realize it's probably emotion magnified by withdrawal, but it feels so accurate.

Is this how you experience it because when I hear about your life and kids, it seems full from my perspective. It makes me wonder...how do these drugs cause us to see our worlds in such a skewed way?? Just thinking out loud

 

Love you.

B

[tezza]

Hi Barb,

 

I never mind your communication on my thread! You give the greatest explanations, I love reading your posts.

 

I was thinking yesterday, that I SHOULD be happy about the anticipation of a new baby just any day. I thought I should feel SOME cheer about this. My children are grown, however, and don't have or make much time to come over.

 

I kept my daughter's first child for a while when she was a baby and again later for a year until she started pre-k. I think if that was possible now, maybe I'd be happier. My daughter said she and husband discussed and never know when I'll be down mood wise or down with my back. I'm pretty sure it would help my mood ALOT. The back is a whole other story. I could barely get up and walk a few weeks ago. I wouldn't have been physically able to care for the baby. I think this adds to my sadness. I really wish I could keep the baby.

 

I'm so sorry you have no family but it's sad to have family that doesn't have any time for you and that's how it is with me. I have no friends either. I think my mood would improve if I had someone to do things with. I feel like I have no purpose in life too, I understand that feeling all too well.

 

My house could use a lot of help, I used to keep things organized. Each one that stayed and moved out seemed to leave stuff and I have too much stuff already. I get some consolation watching the "Hoarding" shows but fear at the same time, "what if I end up like that?" still, it's not enough to motivate me to get started. Here again, my bad back comes into play. I need help to do what really needs to get done. Things need to be moved.

 

My husband vacs, shampoos and mops. He even cooks! Thankfully, he has changed for the better over the years. He would even go shopping with me if I would go, he usually has to do the necessary shopping alone. He would take me anywhere I wanted, I just have no motivation for anything. I force myself to go to church with him and it usually makes my mood a little better.

 

I scheduled a vacation when I was feeling better and now I'm dreading it as it gets near. I've backed out of two at the last minute and don't think I can do that to him again. Sorry I went on and on.

 

Hugs,

 

Tezza

[Barbarannamated]

I'm so glad that your relationship with your husband has improved, Tezza. I keep thinking I need to plan a vacation. A few others went on vacations and had good times although they had anticipatory anxiety beforehand. (Nadia and Strawberry, I believe)

 

You deserve a nice vacation!

[vaseadude]

Barbara, I am glad I made you chuckle! I guess it might not be as common in antipsychotic withdrawals... but I sometimes think I really should know more about this wd thing. Only when I feel good enough to actually learn about it, I don't even want to think a single thought about all this, I think you know what i mean.

 

Tezza, I don't know if I can help much with your down state, but once I've read a really helpful advice (at least for me) in a book that I'll paraphrase: "if you're plagued by negative thoughts, here's a simple cure: Do something. Even if you don't want to. Soon you'll realize that work is actually the fun part." Works for me every time.

[tezza]

Thank you Vasea,

 

I will certainly try.

[tezza]

Barb and Vasea,

 

I think the cortisol mornings can be experienced by almost anyone in WD. I had them mildly when coming off Neurontin but I had them to extremes when I CTd the Risperdal. I still have them mildly at times but all through the night. When I CTd, it was like I was rudely, abruptly startled awake and felt like I was in the worse panic attack.

 

Like you, Barb, I thought everyone had them but I guess it is just a common WD symptom and not everyone has all the same complaints. Some, for instance, complain of sleeping too much and others, like me, wish they could sleep. I would sleep night and day if I could (on many days). Not all complain of very low mood, not all have extreme anxiety. We all have some common symptoms, enough to say, "I understand".

 

Hugs to both of you!

 

Tezza

[Karma]

Hi Tezza

 

I'm sorry you are struggling, but I do think you have made tremendous progress coming of your multiple meds.

 

I just wanted to stop by and give you a Karma hug and let you know I love you and I pray for you every day to continue healing.

 

Love and light,

Karma

[tezza]

Karma,

 

Thank you so much! I love you too. I actually think (maybe) I'm feeling better since a minute decrease in Risperdal Monday night. My mood has gotten a little lighter each day. Sleep is still broken but I'm thankful to be able to go back to sleep, although it can take a while. Last night it took over 30 minutes to get back to sleep but some people have it worse so I'm not complaining. Heck, I've had it much worse, myself.

 

You are in my thoughts and prayers too. I pray for the forum as a whole but names like yours,and others that I'm most familiar with, are specifically called. Thank you for all you've done to help me so many times. One of my daddy's favorite sayings was, "What goes around comes around". You will be blessed for all you do to help struggling souls. Thank you for your prayers and those special hugs.

 

Love and light,

 

Tezza

[tezza]

I've decided not to go on the vacation we had planned. I just can't do it.

[Barbarannamated]

Tezza,

You are the only one who can feel what you're ready for at any point. Traveling can be extremely stressful. The only way I've been able to get away is because i could just throw things in our little motorhome, no planning or organizational skills needed.

 

Take care of yourself, friend. We understand!

 

{{{HUGS}}}

[Barbarannamated]

Tezza,

 

I meant to add a reference to the Holmes Rahe Stress Scale that lists vacation right with holidays in level of stress. Even for people in good health, travel and vacations can be stressful (because it's a change from routine, perhaps?). I've referred to this as a reminder that stress is natural before a vacation. It seems counterintuitive, that there *should* be good anticipation. I'm not suggesting that you reconsider, only that whatever you're feeling is not unusual.

 

I'm not certain how this is used or respected by professionals. Just sharing FYI. I disagree with the placement of some pf the items and believe the timeframe should be much longer than 1 year.

Holmes Rahe Stress Scale - Adults

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale#section_3

[tezza]

Hi Barb,

 

Thank you for the info and link. I hate leaving the house at all, let alone going very far. I don't like feeling this way. I used to love going on vacation.

 

{{{hugs}}}

[Barbarannamated]

You will again.

[tezza]

Thank you, Barb,

 

I hope, pray and try to believe you are right.

[Barbarannamated]

Happy Birthday, Tezza!! I hope you have a wonderful day and happy, healthy year!!

[tezza]

Thank you, Barb, I truly wish and hope the same for you.

 

Love you,

 

Tezza

[vaseadude]

Hey Tezza! I also wish you a happy birthday and wish you you complete your goal to be free of meds and live a natural life!

[tezza]

Hi everyone,

 

I've been hesitant about posting this but I feel I need to.

 

Last Friday afternoon I got a call that my daughter had gone to the hospital having contractions. I drove to the hospital alone, my husband would arrive there later. The hospital has two parking decks and one small open lot. I always try to find a space in the open lot but its usually full. I got there between 5 and 5:30 and found a space beside a huge SUV that was BACKED into a space near the edge of the lot in the shadow of a large tree.

 

I didn't think about the fact that it would be dark when I was to leave. The nurse checked my daughter at 7:30 and said she wasn't dilating so my husband and I decided to leave. My husband said he had miraculously found an empty space in the small lot, on my driver side. He had gone into the five-story deck but something had told him to go around to the small lot.

 

As we walked out I noticed the large SUV still parked in the space on the right side of my car but thought nothing of it. We each got in our cars and cranked. As I tried to back out I noticed my wheel not being easy to turn. I was trying to back to my left but my car wasn't allowing this. I was constantly looking to the right to watch for headlights over the SUV. THERE WERE NO HEADLIGHTS, so I had to back in front of the SUV and would have to go around the loop at the end of the lot to exit.

 

As soon as I'd pulled forward enough to clear the front of the SUV a car pulled up beside me with two guys in it. The driver motioned at me so I let the window down. He said, " Your left front tire is flat, I noticed it when you backed out". That was impossible because there were no lights shining on it and it was VERY dark in that area due to the large tree and the SUV. I got out and so did my husband. I walked around to the right side of my car to look at the flat.

 

The two guys went over several spaces and BACKED into the only other open space. The driver walked up to me and asked if he could help me with the flat. I told him my husband would be the one helping me. He went back to his car, waited a few minutes until we were busy getting the spare and jack out and then pulled back out of the lot. I said "that's weird, they just left." They were not there to visit anyone in the hospital.

 

When my husband tried to pull out whatever it was, it broke, it looked like a piece of wood. Perhaps it had been an arrow of some sort with a wooden handle, not sure. Husband had to push it inside the tire to put a plug in.

 

When I realized what had taken place, I shuddered. It was Friday, payday for many. The SUV was likely part of the set-up. Thank God, my husband had listened to the voice and was able to park next to me.

 

Having agoraphobia, I questioned God as to how He could allow something like that to compound my fear. He dropped this into my spirit. "I allowed this to happen so you would know that I am with you and I'm still taking care of you, I'm in control." "Thank you, God". I'm not so afraid to go out alone as I have been. God is with me.

 

Everyone, please think about where you park, especially if it will be dark when you expect to leave.

 

My daughter ended up being kept in "Delivery" and began to go into labor at 3:00 in the morning. A beautiful baby girl was born at 4:22 am, weighing 7lbs-6oz. Again, "Thank you, God"

 

Love and Healing to ALL,

 

Tezza

[Skyler]

Hey Tezza! I ... wish you you complete your goal to be free of meds and live a natural life!

 

Ditto versadude.. and I also wish you Happy Birthday.

[tezza]

Thank you Vaseadude and Schuyler, I hope and prat that you both have safe and happy tapers too!

 

Hugs and love,

 

Tezza

[Barbarannamated]

Tezza,

 

Im not real clear.. The men flattened your tire to "rescue" you and rob you? But your husband was there and thwarted their plan..? Very scary! I'm so glad you're ok.

 

Congrats on your new grandbaby!

 

B

[tezza]

Barb,

 

Yes, that is what they had planned, I do believe. They saw a female get out alone. As soon as it was dark is probably when they punctured the tire. The tires are fairly new, it was punctured in between the tread. It had to be something that was very sharp on one end but broke easily on the other end. When my husband gripped it with pliers it broke so he had to push it inside the tire to put a plug in. They backed into their spaces for a quick getaway. Only the driver came over to me, if they were really there to help, why wouldn't they both have came to me. They didn't stay to visit anyone in the hospital. I was in a very dark edge of the lot and my car was well hidden beside the SUV. The other guy would have likely come from behind the parked cars and from behind me.

 

This has happened in parking lots here before, as I said, I just wasn't thinking. I will be thinking in the future! Don't park near the dark edge of any lot. We were warned of this several years ago when a young woman was last seen leaving Walmart, but her car was still in the lot. Her body was found a week or two later. Her murderer was never found.

[tezza]

It all made sense to me after it was over. My husband was facing me, my back was to the edge of the lot. My husband would have seen the buddy coming up behind me. My husband is a big guy, not fat. The guy wasn't really going to help me, just distract me for his buddy. His buddy would've likely jumped in the SUV and took off. Maybe the "rescuer" would've offered to go after him to get the tag number. YEAH, RIGHT!

[Barbarannamated]

Oh my. That is so scary.

*shudder*

[tezza]

It's a shame that some people are making a living in ways such as this nowadays. The young man looked like "the boy next door", so to speak. Clean cut, etc...with the economy and US in the conditions we are in, only God knows what we are all facing in the future. It is very scary. Thank God, my husband was there. Refuse to think about other possibilities any more. Everyone just needs to be careful!

[Karma]

 

This is all of your friends on SA singing Happy Birthday to you!!! Happy Birthday!

 

I'm so grateful your husband was with you last night and protected you from harm. But I'm even more grateful for the gift of reassurance you received.

 

Love

Karma

[tezza]

Karma,

 

Thank you so much for the birthday singing, that was so nice! I could almost hear all my special friends! I love you a bunch!

 

I now thank God for allowing that incident to happen, where as, I questioned it at first. I was saying "How could you allow this to happen to me knowing I'm agoraphobic?" When Spirit let me know that it was to let me know that I'm not alone, but rather being protected, I began to thank Him for allowing it to happen.

 

Thank you all for being here and thank you, Alto, for making it possible for all of us to connect.

 

I love you all,

 

Tezza

[areyouthere]

 

 

Having agoraphobia, I questioned God as to how He could allow something like that to compound my fear. He dropped this into my spirit. "I allowed this to happen so you would know that I am with you and I'm still taking care of you, I'm in control." "Thank you, God". I'm not so afraid to go out alone as I have been. God is with me.

God is with you Tezza and you listen to him. Thank you for reminding us.

 

 

 

My daughter ended up being kept in "Delivery" and began to go into labor at 3:00 in the morning. A beautiful baby girl was born at 4:22 am, weighing 7lbs-6oz. Again, "Thank you, God"

 

Love and Healing to ALL,

 

Tezza

 

Congratulations Grandma!!!!!

[tezza]

areyouthere,

 

Thank you for your reply. It's comforting to know God is with us and we have angels watching over us.

 

I got a phone all this morning that my cousin passed away last night. Ive tried to prepare myself, it wasnt unexpected. He had been battling cancer and I know he is at rest now but this is the ninth death I've dealt with in the last several months. I know several others on here have had to go through losses too, my heartfelt sympathy goes to each one.

 

It seems like any time my mood starts to lift, someone else passes. It's not going to stop. I know I sound like a crybaby but I can't deal with death very well anymore. It makes me SO sad and then I feel so selfish for feeling sad.

 

Love you all,

 

Tezza