TreeElf: Prozac withdrawal

[TreeElf]

Hey @India, sorry for the late reply. Yes the rapid breathing is very effective, and fast too. Once I got a hint of something working it built my trust more and other things naturally started helping more.

No I don't believe this is the lowest dose I can go, I am beginning next taper probably next week, and aim to be off completely over the next maybe two years max. I really do believe it can be done now. I urge everyone to trust that too, and their body and soul's own powerful healing capacities. x

[Gracee]

Hi @AbbyElfie, I have been reading about ashwaganda and am considering giving it a try.   Do you find it effective?   Thanks.

G.

[TreeElf]

18 minutes ago, Gracee said:

Hi @AbbyElfie, I have been reading about ashwaganda and am considering giving it a try.   Do you find it effective?   Thanks.

G.

Hi, yes I take it every night. Pretty sure it's helped, I think it's good for the adrenals/stress. Worth a try if you aren't too hypersensitive to supplements, although I think it's one of the ones that is least likely to cause any bad reaction. Good luck, hope it helps 

[Gracee]

1 minute ago, AbbyElfie said:

Hi, yes I take it every night. Pretty sure it's helped, I think it's good for the adrenals/stress. Worth a try if you aren't too hypersensitive to supplements, although I think it's one of the ones that is least likely to cause any bad reaction. Good luck, hope it helps 

 

Thanks so much for fast and helpful response.   I will try it and let you know results.

Best to you,

G.

[TreeElf]

March update - yesterday I tapered from 5mg (1.25ml) to 4.8mg (1.2ml), thanks to the spreadsheet which helped calculate things. I believe that's a 4% reduction. I'll see how I go with that over the next month or so. It tends to be the 3 month mark that is risky for me, so I'll probably be doing longer holds.

 

Aside from that things are good. No physical issues, tinnitus etc gone, no major episodes. But still lots of weird mental stuff but I think a lot of that is just me anyway lol, with or without meds. I've also been microdosing cannabis edibles (often as part of shamanic ceremonies) since the start of the year, and while I'm not recommending it's for everyone, it's opened up a huge amount for me. The majority of the time I have barely thought about withdrawal stuff. But it's not always easy as I'm working through years of 'crap' too. At this point I feel the weed has really helped me through this point, but that is also probably a combination of things.

 

Also, I passed my driving test! Which I'm really happy about because it was my one goal I promised to persevere with through the awfulness of the last year. So that's been fun and exciting.

 

Will update further as taper progresses. Wishing you all swift and full healing x

[Gato123]

Thank you for sharing!! 

[Gracee]

3 hours ago, AbbyElfie said:

March update - yesterday I tapered from 5mg (1.25ml) to 4.8mg (1.2ml), thanks to the spreadsheet which helped calculate things. I believe that's a 4% reduction. I'll see how I go with that over the next month or so. It tends to be the 3 month mark that is risky for me, so I'll probably be doing longer holds.

 

 

 

Best wishes on your new taper.  I have been taking Ashwagandha for nearly three weeks and believe it has some relaxation benefits.   Thanks for the suggestion.

G.

[TreeElf]

19 minutes ago, Gracee said:

 

Best wishes on your new taper.  I have been taking Ashwagandha for nearly three weeks and believe it has some relaxation benefits.   Thanks for the suggestion.

G.

 

Glad it's helping, and thanks!

 

3 hours ago, Gato123 said:

Thank you for sharing!! 

 

No problem

[TreeElf]

Correction! I got a bit confused there but I've actually reduced to 1.22ml which is 4.9mg, and just under 2.3% reduction. No idea how I calculated that the other day. The second day I couldn't remember if I'd taken 1.2 or 1.22, but I'm pretty sure it was the latter so have stuck to that. It's a pretty small drop so I'm hoping I can do another small one in a few weeks or month, similar to the Brassmonkey Slide method I've seen on here. Trying to feel my way through it.

[TreeElf]

Very quick check in to say things are going better than I ever imagined they could. Feel blessed for every part of this process, even (or maybe especially) the horrifying parts. If you're looking for a sign to keep going, let this be it. You're on an inevitable, although rocky, path towards healing x

[Gato123]

Wow. Thank you so much for sharing this. 

 

You reinstated and are on 5 mg of liquid Prozac correct? 

 

Hugs

[TreeElf]

1 minute ago, Gato123 said:

Wow. Thank you so much for sharing this. 

 

You reinstated and are on 5 mg of liquid Prozac correct? 

 

Hugs

 

You're very welcome. I reinstated at 5mg last May and reduced to 4.9mg at the start of this month. 

Keep moving forward, inch by inch

[Gato123]

How long after you reinstated did you feel better? I’ve been reading your post and recall I believe the lower dose was not good. 

 

Thanks for sharing this and so glad you’re doing better. XO

[TreeElf]

1 minute ago, Gato123 said:

How long after you reinstated did you feel better? I’ve been reading your post and recall I believe the lower dose was not good. 

 

Thanks for sharing this and so glad you’re doing better. XO

 

Thank you, I hope it helps others along who are struggling in the depths of it. After the reinstatement in May 2018, I had a couple of major waves at around August, October, and I think November. Then one at the very start of January, but the worst was October. After that things gradually improved, even my senses sharpened, smells improved, new opportunities came up. Then after using the cannabis edibles in Jan I felt amazing. The 'dips' now don't last long, and I think are part of my makeup in general as it's where the deep spiritual healing work gets done. But if you'd told me six months ago that by March I'd have had almost three months of bliss I wouldn't have believed you. 

[Gato123]

Amazing!!

Do you think you’re feeling better because of the Prozac? 

[TreeElf]

@Gato123

Couldn't say exactly, it's probably a combination of things. I generally feel better than I have ever before, so I'd say it's partially balancing out from the reinstatement and partially getting to a lower dose. It's like my real self is being born, which is obviously going to be painful as well as wonderful. 

[TreeElf]

May update:

Note to self/anyone reading this - take everything I write with a pinch of salt because I clearly talk crap most of the time. 

The short version of the past two months - stayed at 1.2ml (think I mixed up 1.2 and 1.22 at some point, now it's just 1.2). Did three cannabis edible sessions through drinking it and using shamanic journeying. Had two intense psychedelic experiences that brought me higher than ever before, probably looked manic and deluded to others, I thought I'd found God etc etc. The third one (which I psychically was guided to follow through with at the time) turned into severely traumatic experience. Followed by waves/reliving of it since. 

Screwed myself up worse than ever before. Had to go stay with my mum to keep safe. Stopped smoking all weed about a month ago, hasn't really helped or changed much. Oscillate between states. No idea who I am, split personality, terror, apathy, confusion, paranoia, empty void etc. Lots of lying in bed. Don't think I'll ever trust myself again, as I've not clue anymore. My own fault, I somehow made myself more deluded than ever. Ashamed, general hopelessness the past month. Saw an energy healer who I trust and was advised to stay away from all meditation practices etc, and drugs, after which I immediately stopped smoking. All these years of apparent 'progress' were just cover ups for my very screwed up mind/lack of identity. Just living moment by moment, struggle to communicate with anyone. Withdrawal obviously playing a big part but I've had similar waves from age 16, before I ever took meds. So most of this is just me, which is even more mortifying. Sorry to depress anyone. I'm just staying still as possible, in between random spurts where I have to do something, so drive or walk or read. Seeing a kinesiologist next week to see what I'm physically reacting to diet/med dose wise. 

[TreeElf]

Last two nights I've struggled to sleep, which hasn't really been a problem before. This time of year has always triggered me for some reason, the weather getting warmer. Had an awful dream that I was extremely aggressive and nasty to my sister. I've noticed in the last year a lot of repressed anger coming up, and I never considered myself an angry person. I just keep it in usually. But this rage towards her is terrifying, we used to be close but our relationship became difficult over the years. She's prone to rage outbursts and is very needy. I find myself feeling disgusted and avoiding her, then being condescending and passive aggressive. Which makes her try and get close to me more because she feels rejected. I feel like a monster, i seem to have repressed this for years. I worry that I'm a terrible person for being so cruel to her, she's only 21 but behaves like a child and is also going through withdrawal and mental health issues. I've been so hard on all my family. It's as if my shadow side has been exposed and I'm not the person I imagined myself to be. I think because she has been so overt in her rage at times I've developed so much contempt, I've swallowed it each time and told myself I've forgotten about it and we're friends again pretty quickly. But really I've been stuffing down rage at her, and also my mum. I don't know i could ever admit this to them, they rely on me as being the 'good responsible one'. If they knew the thoughts I'd had they wouldn't think so. 

Anyway, i can't think of it much now. My skin feels like it's on fire, I'm just trying to cope hour by hour. All the things I've done that are not in line with who i want to be are just now glaring me in the face, like I've no choice but to look at myself now because my subconscious has been ripped open. I've always been prone to split personality behaviour. But withdrawal seems to have tipped it over the edge. Do people even recover from that if it's part of their makeup? There seems too big and fundamental of a split for that to happen. Sorry I'm also just talking out loud here. Thanks if you did manage to read any of it

[Cleerity]

Hi Abby,

 

I hope things soon take a turn for the better for you!  

 

15 hours ago, AbbyElfie said:

Saw an energy healer who I trust and was advised to stay away from all meditation practices etc, and drugs,

 

I think this is good advice.  I also think it is important to practice balance in our spiritual seeking.  Too many outside influences/interferences are bound to unsettle our own natural rhythms, what it right for us as individuals. 

 

May peace be yours,

 

Cleerity

[TreeElf]

Thank you @Cleerity.

Sorry for late reply. Things getting worse. I've moved back in with my mum which helped at first. But I can't for the life of me talk to anyone properly, I've never been good with emotions. Can't think straight, akathisia, poor sleep, paranoia, among other things. I don't know if this is withdrawal anymore I think it's just me and what I've always been running from. The guilt and shame is literally burning me from the inside out. I don't think I can live as a bad person but there's no way I could be convinced otherwise now. Feel trapped, paralyzed, just torture. 

[Gato123]

Hi @AbbyElfie so sorry to hear you’re struggling again. are you tapering again? Werent you taking 5mg and doing better? Hugs

[powerback]

On 5/13/2019 at 8:33 AM, AbbyElfie said:

Last two nights I've struggled to sleep, which hasn't really been a problem before. This time of year has always triggered me for some reason, the weather getting warmer. Had an awful dream that I was extremely aggressive and nasty to my sister. I've noticed in the last year a lot of repressed anger coming up, and I never considered myself an angry person. I just keep it in usually. But this rage towards her is terrifying, we used to be close but our relationship became difficult over the years. She's prone to rage outbursts and is very needy. I find myself feeling disgusted and avoiding her, then being condescending and passive aggressive. Which makes her try and get close to me more because she feels rejected. I feel like a monster, i seem to have repressed this for years. I worry that I'm a terrible person for being so cruel to her, she's only 21 but behaves like a child and is also going through withdrawal and mental health issues. I've been so hard on all my family. It's as if my shadow side has been exposed and I'm not the person I imagined myself to be. I think because she has been so overt in her rage at times I've developed so much contempt, I've swallowed it each time and told myself I've forgotten about it and we're friends again pretty quickly. But really I've been stuffing down rage at her, and also my mum. I don't know i could ever admit this to them, they rely on me as being the 'good responsible one'. If they knew the thoughts I'd had they wouldn't think so. 

Anyway, i can't think of it much now. My skin feels like it's on fire, I'm just trying to cope hour by hour. All the things I've done that are not in line with who i want to be are just now glaring me in the face, like I've no choice but to look at myself now because my subconscious has been ripped open. I've always been prone to split personality behaviour. But withdrawal seems to have tipped it over the edge. Do people even recover from that if it's part of their makeup? There seems too big and fundamental of a split for that to happen. Sorry I'm also just talking out loud here. Thanks if you did manage to read any of it

Hi  A I empathise with your issues.have you done any seroius work on the shadow,ive read a bit and im waiting for misery too lift before I do  more reading.

Its basically accepting every part of our personality and not fight it .withdrawal stunts us in abject fear,also anger and rage is very close to the surface so if we accept the darker side of our personality we fear we will act on it .these drugs are bonkers what they do.

Im getting some releif from understanding the irritation is in me but we project it on others,but family is tricky because of history.

Carl young himself was No saint ,im pretty sure he had a mistress while married with a family.if your anything like me and play down your positives and dwell on your negatives ,we need to change this eventually.

You say it very well ,withdrawal seems to crack open our unconscious mind and it floods our daily thoughts,maybe we should write our own positive affirmations to help with balancing the negative going on in our minds.also journal all your thoughts.

I know how bonkers all this is.

It must be a very tricky situation with your own sister going through this also.

 

I often get caught in the same trap ,but no way were we like this before withdrawal.

Ide stay away from anything like edibles in the future but our quest for releif is valid.many times I've thought of going drinking to releive the misery I live .

Take care A ,the windows will come again .

 

[TreeElf]

42 minutes ago, Gato123 said:

Hi @AbbyElfie so sorry to hear you’re struggling again. are you tapering again? Werent you taking 5mg and doing better? Hugs

 

Thanks. Yes was on 5mg for 9 months. Reduced to 4.9mg around March. Not sure now if I was better or just on a temporary high. I get manic quite easily in general but don't notice how much til I crash. 

 

18 minutes ago, powerback said:

Hi  A I empathise with your issues.have you done any seroius work on the shadow,ive read a bit and im waiting for misery too lift before I do  more reading.

Its basically accepting every part of our personality and not fight it .withdrawal stunts us in abject fear,also anger and rage is very close to the surface so if we accept the darker side of our personality we fear we will act on it .these drugs are bonkers what they do.

Im getting some releif from understanding the irritation is in me but we project it on others,but family is tricky because of history.

Carl young himself was No saint ,im pretty sure he had a mistress while married with a family.if your anything like me and play down your positives and dwell on your negatives ,we need to change this eventually.

You say it very well ,withdrawal seems to crack open our unconscious mind and it floods our daily thoughts,maybe we should write our own positive affirmations to help with balancing the negative going on in our minds.also journal all your thoughts.

I know how bonkers all this is.

It must be a very tricky situation with your own sister going through this also.

 

I often get caught in the same trap ,but no way were we like this before withdrawal.

Ide stay away from anything like edibles in the future but our quest for releif is valid.many times I've thought of going drinking to releive the misery I live .

Take care A ,the windows will come again .

 

 

Thanks pb. I did a lot of reading on the shadow before, but I just become obsessive and fanatic about anything like that and it ends up making things worse. I did speak to a jungian therapist before who advised not to delve too much into shadow work while my system was this fragile, so I don't know. At this point there's no way of avoiding it though. Guilt and shame literally paralyze me. I don't trust myself at all, and feel like I constantly hurt and manipulate people, so need to stay away from them as much as possible. I'm sorry you can relate, no one should have to go through this. I can't help but feel I deserve it though. Getting increasing periods of apathy and numbness is also convincing me I'm just becoming a monster. I can't talk about this properly to anyone even when they try and help, then I feel like an attention seeker by going into the room and crying until my mum notices. Yet I still can't speak. Horrible vicious cycle. Don't have the physical energy to fight it like I did at the start of this, my body feels like it'll eventually just give up. Sorry to be so negative, appreciate your replies. 

[Songbird]

Please try to be kind to yourself.  You're not a bad person or deserving of this.  I've had those dreams of screaming in rage at my sister, my mother, etc.  They're just dreams.  I can also relate to the feeling of "split personality" - I found as my dose got lower, the troublesome parts that ADs swept under the rug began to resurface.  I think of mine usually as a kind of "inner child".  I find it helps to observe the inner child, and realise that, while she is a part of who I am, I am not her.  You could try reassuring and comforting her.

 

It sounds like you were stabilising quite well and then disturbed your nervous system again by using psychoactive substances.  Your system is sensitive, you need to treat it gently.  Instead of meditation, try some regular relaxation exercises.  Instead of brooding about yourself, try to find some light, gentle activities to distract your mind.  Be patient and let your system calm down and work to restabilise.

[powerback]

1 hour ago, AbbyElfie said:

 

Thanks. Yes was on 5mg for 9 months. Reduced to 4.9mg around March. Not sure now if I was better or just on a temporary high. I get manic quite easily in general but don't notice how much til I crash. 

 

 

Thanks pb. I did a lot of reading on the shadow before, but I just become obsessive and fanatic about anything like that and it ends up making things worse. I did speak to a jungian therapist before who advised not to delve too much into shadow work while my system was this fragile, so I don't know. At this point there's no way of avoiding it though. Guilt and shame literally paralyze me. I don't trust myself at all, and feel like I constantly hurt and manipulate people, so need to stay away from them as much as possible. I'm sorry you can relate, no one should have to go through this. I can't help but feel I deserve it though. Getting increasing periods of apathy and numbness is also convincing me I'm just becoming a monster. I can't talk about this properly to anyone even when they try and help, then I feel like an attention seeker by going into the room and crying until my mum notices. Yet I still can't speak. Horrible vicious cycle. Don't have the physical energy to fight it like I did at the start of this, my body feels like it'll eventually just give up. Sorry to be so negative, appreciate your replies. 

Ile take heed of that phsycologist myself but I have so much down time to think,I did introspection before withdrawal and I did go deep.

I've an abject hatred lately for my body because im so ill.

 it mite be negative(dont apologise) but until you experience this level of misery ,we simply deserve the right to express ourselves.

Im siting here obsessed over did what I eat lately cause me to be so ill  (eyes stinging and barely open), bonkers beyond belief.

Its impossible for them to understand ,its be better if they read up on whats happening.

I sent my mam a video recently and she said "that's everything your going through".

Try believe withdrawal is exaggerating guilt and shame and negative emotions.

Take great care.

 

[Cleerity]

3 hours ago, AbbyElfie said:

I've moved back in with my mum which helped at first. But I can't for the life of me talk to anyone properly, I've never been good with emotions. Can't think straight, akathisia, poor sleep, paranoia, among other things. I don't know if this is withdrawal anymore I think it's just me and what I've always been running from. The guilt and shame is literally burning me from the inside out. I don't think I can live as a bad person but there's no way I could be convinced otherwise now. Feel trapped, paralyzed, just torture. 

 

Hi Abby,

 

I don't know if it will be any consolation to hear, but in case it might be, I will share that I have been in a similar place.  Psychologically confused (beyond anything I before thought imaginable), completely frightened and utterly inconsolable.  Akathisia was through the roof, but not due to drugs or the absence of drugs, because I was not then on drugs.  It was Kundalini related.  I was riddled with guilt and shame (two toxic emotions our world is full of) and terrified of my own shadow, which was visiting me constantly. Haunting me, literally breathing down my neck 24/7.  For me, being around family at the time, was incredibly triggering.  That's not to say that you cannot manage it, but I just could not be with them.  Part of me (the hurt, frightened child inside) wanted to reach to family for comfort (trying to seek what was familiar), but being around them made my healing crises worse, as my early life was the origin of much of my pain/shadow (as it is for most of us, despite the measure of the conditions thereof).  In the course of a very brief period of time, everything was taken from me, my career, my marriage, my house, and my son.  My whole identity.  My being was shook to the core and I was left with no reference points for life and living.  I saw that everything I thought I believed about my self was not my whole truth.  Each individual psyche/soul is vast and contains much pain, in any life.  I sat my rear on the earth under the starry sky with a towel each evening and simply wept and prayed, for many months.  My prayer was simple, "Please help me, please give me sanity and clarity."  I was manic at the time, mostly profoundly depressed.  During those many months, there were periods when the universe responded with great love, giving me ease and rest from processing such huge amounts of pain/grief and confusion.  I truly believe that if we can accept and endure the healing states the universe brings us to, without trying to run from them or make them go away, peace and understanding comes, "in time."  You will find your way.  We don't have to have all the answers "right now."  My wish for you is that "you" will comfort yourself (and the child inside), the best way "you" know how to; ask the universe for its grace/help; "accept" and endure as best as you possibly can while you wait for your angel of light to come.  

 

Please try to not add more confusion to the mix you are already dealing with:  drugs and alternative healers.  Anything or anyone we interact with has an effect on us.  All relationships are alchemical.  Please choose wisely what and who you allow to influence your being.  For, we reap the consequences of whatever we invite into our life.  I had to learn this the hard way.  Sometimes, the best course of action is to abstain from all outside influences, so we can take the time to figure out who and what we are without all the external influences.  Just a few pennies from me, which you are free to take or leave.

 

You do not have to figure it all out right now.  Abide with yourself the best you can, in love and patience.  Miracles do sometimes happen; but, mostly, there are no magical wands to make things better over night.  May peace be yours as you find your way through this.

 

Very best wishes,

 

Cleerity

 

 

[TreeElf]

On 5/18/2019 at 1:08 PM, powerback said:

Try believe withdrawal is exaggerating guilt and shame and negative emotions.

 

Thanks pb. I really hope so. It feels like I'm just realising I'm a monstrous person and there's no way back. You're right that no one can can understand it, I've given my mum peter breggins book on psych drug withdrawal. Although it's tough for her to get the time as she has two younger kids, cancer/other health issues, and is trying to cope with both me and my sister in withdrawal. Plus her own mental health problems and generally being older and exhausted. We're a complex family with a lot of issues but we only have each other really. 

I'm sorry you're having it so rough, the constant obsessing is horrific. I hope you get a break soon. x

 

On 5/18/2019 at 2:28 PM, Cleerity said:

I was riddled with guilt and shame (two toxic emotions our world is full of) and terrified of my own shadow, which was visiting me constantly. Haunting me, literally breathing down my neck 24/7. 

 

I really appreciate you sharing this, thank you. Although I'm sorry you had to experience that kind of pain. This is very much what is happening at the moment, my shadow is everywhere, there's no escaping it. I felt something moving up my spine a few months ago and was also recently told by I'd had a kundalini awakening, but I've not thought about it since because I've shut myself off from all spiritual related stuff for now. I thought maybe I'd made up the whole thing. 

You're very right about family and outside influences. I'm hyper aware of this at the moment, and mostly staying in bed or going for brief short drives or walks. I do have to avoid my sister right now, although it seems to be helping ny relationship with my mum because I'm so vulnerable she has gone into mother mode. We all suffer from guilt, mine has just always been more intense, or maybe internalised. Being with my other little sister (who's 13) has helped as she is very calm and doesn't ask questions. We just sit with each other quietly. 

Hearing this has helped me consider there are maybe more factors I'm not able to see influencing all this. So I'll try and discuss it with my somatic experiencing therapist next week. Again, thank you for being so kind x

[TreeElf]

I don't think there's anything I can do anymore. I've gone beyond breaking point. As my mum tried to gently point out I had these experiences before medication. I flipped but now I'm starting to realise she's right. This isn't just withdrawal. I've been covering up stuff and deluding myself for so long. The shame is so intense I can't bear it for long, I just pass out asleep or go numb with shock. I'm sorry to have troubled you all with these rants, I guess I'm just finding out who I really am. I believe my only options now are suicide or to explain to my family and separate myself from people as much as possible. I know that's not ideal or healthy, but it's a choice between harming people and not. Living a lie which has cracked or not. It's not liveable anymore. I see my therapist tomorrow and will explain the same to her. 

[powerback]

HI Abbyelfie ,what ever was there before ,it wasn't this bad surely  ,this is a huge wave .distract from your thoughts for now .

Im not well myself but I had to text when I seen this post.your in a lot of pain ,keep searching for ways to express this pain .

im obsessed myself with certain issues and we have to be careful we aren't just convincing ourselves of certain ideas our minds come up with  during this heightened stress .

Please Take care of yourself . 

[Gato123]

Hi,

This will pass. It’s a huge wave. You are not broken and you can and I’ll heal. We all whobhave been exposed to these drugs have a difficult journey but it will get better. 

[TreeElf]

I really wanted to believe that. I'm sorry. I had my first experience of this 'split' personality and intense terror/depersonalisation/obsession etc age 16, before I went on meds. Although I don't know if the contraceptive pill was affecting me. I spent my early 20s in and out ofpsych wards, going high and low. I think maybe I have a personality disorder and withdrawal has just made it worse. I've always been terrified of going back to this place mentally, there is something deeply damaged there and I think I need to admit that. There's also history of mental illness and suicide on both sides of the family, I think I somehow managed to convince myself I'd 'recovered'. And please don't feel sorry for me, I've done most of this to myself. I just desperately wanted to be 'normal' and good in some way. 

[RichT]

Hang on in there Abby - you will get back to a better place.

 

sending you warmest wishes,

 

Rich

[Gato123]

I dont claim to have all the answers but I can tell you when I went on birth control like you when I was a teen  is when I completely collapsed. After I stopped it my mood improved dramatically. I’ve tried two different types of contraceptive pill and both times my mental health tanked. So if you are questioning whether the synthetic hormones could affect you in a huge way the answer is yes. If I remember correctly you took the pill and felt later better after you stopped it too. 

If you’ve been off and on medications all this time it could also be triggering these highs and lows. I don’t know. I’m not an expert but I’ve struggled since I was a teenager after starting the contraception and I’m now 34 and finally starting to heal. I was off and on drugs for years and a mess. This past year I was in the pit of hell in withdrawal but things are starting to get better slowly and I feel a deeper sense of calm. 

 

Just some food for thought. Xoxoxo

[TreeElf]

Hey guys, thought I'd update. I'm still here, for better or worse, and doing alright this afternoon. It has generally been very difficult lately, some days darker than others. I had to change my username for privacy reasons. There's been some intense family issues going on, and just general upheaval. A few times I felt like I physically wouldn't cope anymore and my body might just give up. But I've managed to scrape through. I won't go into the family issues but they've been extremely overwhelming on their own, a complete overhaul of the dynamics triggered mainly by me exploding at two family members recently in a scary episode of rage. I was pretty deluded and it almost became violent. I'm working to amend that while at the same time keep myself as calm and quiet as possible. I have always had to isolate to recover from things so it's my first instinct, although that has caused it's own problems.

 

Anyway, thank you for your kind words and support. @Gato123 appreciate you reassuring me about the pill, I don't know how much these drugs have contributed to my mental state over the years. Gives me hope to know it might have been a big factor though. Right now I feel like a pretty messed up person and don't feel like I've ever known myself at all.

 

My system feels pretty fried and a lot of digestive issues have come back, I think my stomach tear is playing up again affecting overall absorption and therefore overall health. Skin often feels like it's burning. Forgot to mention I might have screwed up a dose or two when I wasn't doing well, I got confused and think I took less than I was supposed to, which may have jarred my system too. Will update further when I have a bit more energy. Thanks again for the support, at least we're not completely alone in this. x

[India]

@TreeElf Abby, your update seems to have been missed.

How are you now? 

[TreeElf]

@India mods, and other members

 

Heya, I'm okay. A lot has changed and shifted over the last year, plenty of highs, lows, and in-between's. I'm not reducing medication further at this time. 

The mods can feel free to remove my profile, as I won't be posting re: withdrawal anymore. I appreciate all the input, love and support I've received from everyone here, thank you. It's been a crazy ride, and I'm looking forward to what's to come. Wishing you clarity and healing on all of your journeys ❤️ 

 

Love, TreeElf x