Shane88L: anhedonia/depression from withdrawing from olanzapine / Zyprexa

[Shane88L]

Hi Hayduke,

 

Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it. I've decided to simply keep away from all medications, just to be safe.

It may simply be something psychosomatic, brought on by stress or related to the withdrawals, so I'm trying to make some more small changes in my lifestyle to attempt to remedy the allergic type symptoms.

 

Update on Negative Symptoms (I will write the positive things in a future post):

 

Well, I may as well be honest about some of the negative things I am facing on the road to recovery, so... Along with the constant throat itch I have daily, I also experience;

"Hot flashes", or whatever they are, happening very frequently now, every 5-10mns, I get waves of shiver-like hot/cold sensations running up and down my entire body, feeling like someone pouring hot/cold water over me, but not having the same intensity sensory wise...

 

I wake up dizzy and very light-headed every morning, and there are "pins and needles" like sensations in my hands, feet and top of my head for about 30mns after getting out of bed. It is as if I don't get enough oxygen to my brain when I sleep, but when I mentioned this to my wife, she told me that I seem to sleep well.

 

I would like to say that these symptoms are anxiety related, but I never had this before taking that medication, even though I was anxious then also, so it must be physiological - something to do with the nervous system.

It really does seem to take a very long time to heal!

 

My heart seems to pound rather heavily in my chest, no matter whether I rest or do exercise. Maybe it is due to my body being "stuck" in fight/flight mode...

 

I am seeing white flashing sparks/stars in my vision (they dance about like electricity in my view), which is quite distracting. Perhaps it is a separate issue not related to withdrawals though...

 

Tinnitus is there, always in the background and comes alive at night. I've grown more accustomed to it though, so it really is not a big deal.

 

I am no longer depressed though, and my anxiety is nowhere near the severe level it once was, which is just wonderful.

Healing is slow, but that's fine. I'm feeling good.

 

Wishing everyone the very best on their road to recovery.

 

Shane.

[Zans]

12 hours ago, Shane88L said:

Hi Hayduke,

 

Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it. I've decided to simply keep away from all medications, just to be safe.

It may simply be something psychosomatic, brought on by stress or related to the withdrawals, so I'm trying to make some more small changes in my lifestyle to attempt to remedy the allergic type symptoms.

 

Update on Negative Symptoms (I will write the positive things in a future post):

 

Well, I may as well be honest about some of the negative things I am facing on the road to recovery, so... Along with the constant throat itch I have daily, I also experience;

"Hot flashes", or whatever they are, happening very frequently now, every 5-10mns, I get waves of shiver-like hot/cold sensations running up and down my entire body, feeling like someone pouring hot/cold water over me, but not having the same intensity sensory wise...

 

I wake up dizzy and very light-headed every morning, and there are "pins and needles" like sensations in my hands, feet and top of my head for about 30mns after getting out of bed. It is as if I don't get enough oxygen to my brain when I sleep, but when I mentioned this to my wife, she told me that I seem to sleep well.

 

I would like to say that these symptoms are anxiety related, but I never had this before taking that medication, even though I was anxious then also, so it must be physiological - something to do with the nervous system.

It really does seem to take a very long time to heal!

 

My heart seems to pound rather heavily in my chest, no matter whether I rest or do exercise. Maybe it is due to my body being "stuck" in fight/flight mode...

 

I am seeing white flashing sparks/stars in my vision (they dance about like electricity in my view), which is quite distracting. Perhaps it is a separate issue not related to withdrawals though...

 

Tinnitus is there, always in the background and comes alive at night. I've grown more accustomed to it though, so it really is not a big deal.

 

I am no longer depressed though, and my anxiety is nowhere near the severe level it once was, which is just wonderful.

Healing is slow, but that's fine. I'm feeling good.

 

Wishing everyone the very best on their road to recovery.

 

Shane.

Hey man,

 

glad to hear you're moving forward albeit not as fast as you'd like to. It might be unpopular opinion but I think it's "awesome" you're dominated by physical symptoms vs mental. Personally I'd take pains, temperature changes, itches, etc over ahedonia, impending doom, agorophobia anytime.

 

Friendly advice if you can afford walk as much as comfortably possible. It is not neccesserily exercise itself but being a lot outside does wonders for nervous system.

 

Keep on truckin!

[Shane88L]

Hi Zans,

 

Thanks very much for the kind words and advice. Very much appreciated!

Actually, I could do with more time among nature...

 

All the best!

Shane.

 

[Snorky]

4 hours ago, Zans said:

Hey man,

 

glad to hear you're moving forward albeit not as fast as you'd like to. It might be unpopular opinion but I think it's "awesome" you're dominated by physical symptoms vs mental. Personally I'd take pains, temperature changes, itches, etc over ahedonia, impending doom, agorophobia anytime.

 

Friendly advice if you can afford walk as much as comfortably possible. It is not neccesserily exercise itself but being a lot outside does wonders for nervous system.

 

Keep on truckin!

Hi Z

 

Couldn’t agree more re psychological v physical symptoms. I’m 5 months following CT amitriptyline. For the last few months, the depression, restlessness and anhedonia type symptoms completely trump the Parkinson’s like tremors, and nerve pains. I can also just about live with the mental confusion and anguish.

 

But the other stuff- utterly unbearable. Unfortunately for me these are deteriorating at a rate of knots. Also find all the posts advocating activities and distractions to be naive, since the anhedonia prevents that😡😡😡

 

God bless everyone.

[hayduke]

Hey @Shane88L

 

The hot flushes and body temperature dysregulation are awful.  I'm at the stage where I need aircon in the Australian summer or I'll have a lot of trouble.  To say the least this drug isn't suitable for this climate and I was never warned.  The c**ts know it's all getting hotter too.  I really hope these symptoms abate but I'm not expecting that to be soon.

 

The hot flushes come with things as simple as a cup of chamomile or green tea, but yeah familiar from limbic system/fight or flight being set off too.

 

There's a thread here: 

 

Cheers

[Shane88L]

Update time!

Coming up to 2 years since cold turkey from Zyprexa.

Feeling so much better. Everything is getting much easier than it once was. 

I'll keep updating in the future. 

Time is the great healer.

Love to you all - please stay strong during the misery of withdrawals. It gets easier, eventually.

[ChessieCat]

Thank you for updating us.  We love hearing about improvements.

 

Q:  What symptoms are you still experiencing?

 

Q:  Have they reduced in severity?

[Shane88L]

Hi,

 

I have some mild hot flushes through my body from time to time, but nothing severe. Some anxiety from time to time, but everything is so much easier to tolerate.
Changed my diet, exercising regularly, enjoying life. Senses are beginning to re-awaken it seems.

Shane.

[Glosmom]

Thanks for coming back with an update @Shane88L!  It is always wonderful to hear from people who are continuing to do well.  Very happy to hear that you are enjoying life.   Best wishes to you for continued good health! Glosmom

[hayduke]

Great to hear things are on the up @Shane88L!

 

The more of us that get clear of this muck the better.

 

Cheers

[Shane88L]

Pretty much at the 2 year mark now since stopping olanzapine.

 

Life can be challenging, but overall, it is enjoyable.

 

I do have some anxiety, with some periods of low mood, but for the most part there are more positives than negatives.

 

DP/DR is there, but I am no longer controlled by it. I live with some symptoms of it, with odd thoughts that arise from time to time, but even those thoughts feel less sinister to me now.

 

I dream vividly each night, but I don't mind that so much. I can separate myself from those dreams upon waking. The dreams I have tend to be recurring - regarding trauma from my past.

 

Overall, I feel much better in my skin now than I used to.

 

I've started taking CBD oil again, just as a small experiment. My wife is trying it also.

 

 

[Zans]

On 10/8/2020 at 7:03 PM, Shane88L said:

Pretty much at the 2 year mark now since stopping olanzapine.

 

Life can be challenging, but overall, it is enjoyable.

 

I do have some anxiety, with some periods of low mood, but for the most part there are more positives than negatives.

 

DP/DR is there, but I am no longer controlled by it. I live with some symptoms of it, with odd thoughts that arise from time to time, but even those thoughts feel less sinister to me now.

 

I dream vividly each night, but I don't mind that so much. I can separate myself from those dreams upon waking. The dreams I have tend to be recurring - regarding trauma from my past.

 

Overall, I feel much better in my skin now than I used to.

 

I've started taking CBD oil again, just as a small experiment. My wife is trying it also.

 

 

Heyyyyyyy!

 

Although we didn't interact closely much I've been following your journey like a hometown team while swimming in pile of mud myself. I remember reading your updates last year thinking Olanzapine must have different effects on neuroplasticity since this guy has no recovery signs whatsoever. I am very pleased to see you slowly keep coming back to where you was before all this happened plus dare I say even better version of yourself? I understand you're still dealing with unpleasant "machinery" problems but it seems you developed meditation alike awareness. Also you'd probably second me that after what we've been through our treshold for pain/suffering and small daily life blows now stretches way further. My last lingering symptom is anhedonia but one day I literally laughed at it thinking how epic such sensation is in comparison to akathisia, impending doom and months lasting insomnia. I mean talk about reference point.

 

I'd like to humbly advice find time for long distance walking or any exercise that you're would joyfully do. I would willing to bet that your improvements will become even more significant with it.

 

Thanks for dropping update, wish you to continue get better!

[hayduke]

Right on @Shane88L !

[Katy398]

Great News @Shane88L It’s so encouraging to see members improve. Thank you for posting. I’m a few months behind you. Maybe there’s hope for me too. Take care Shane, enjoy the little things and the big,  in fact just enjoy, enjoying!

 

 

[Glosmom]

So happy to hear about your continued recovery @Shane88L!!  Thank you for coming back to offer hope to the rest of us.  Take care, Glosmom

[Shane88L]

Thanks for your messages everyone! 

Feeling about the same as I used to I would say, with anxiety heightened by the experience of withdrawals coupled with the trauma of past events causing me to seek help in the first place.

Feeling more self sufficient than I used to feel, and also feeling more independent, with a better understanding of what I will and will not tolerate in my life. 

Ringing in ears and hot and cold wave like sensations that wash over my body at times are there, but that is not so bad. I am still healing.

I'll drop by again to update in the future.

All the best! Shane.

[hayduke]

29 minutes ago, Shane88L said:

Feeling more self sufficient than I used to feel, and also feeling more independent, with a better understanding of what I will and will not tolerate in my life. 

 

Being clear on boundaries has changed everything for me.

 

More power to ya Shane

 

Cheers,

Hayduke

[Altostrata]

Hello, @Shane88L, how are you doing?

[Shane88L]

Hello,

 

Apologies for my late response! Thank you for asking Altostrata. Overall, I am doing better than I have been since these withdrawals began. I still have dissociative symptoms in the form of dp/dr, and some tinnitus, and I continue to have vivid dreams. My mind is also quite active, where there seems to be a tireless dialogue inside my mind. Despite these things however, I am feeling, overall, much better. What I feel good about more than ever is my ability, these days, to "feel" more than I have in a long time, even going as far back as to when I was a child. Up until recently, I didn't realise how emotionally cut-off I was as an adult. I guess you could say that these withdrawals have been a blessing in disguise on some level for this reason. 

I'm no longer counting the days/weeks/months/years since the withdrawals started. There are good days, and not so good days, but that's fine. I feel capable now of taking care of myself without feeling the need to rely on some "quick fix" - I work through problems. I have learned to be patient with myself. 

All is ok.

I'll update again in the future.

 

I wish you all the very best.

 

Shane.

 

[Leila]

Thank you, @Shane88L for this hopeful and precious message! I'm sure it will help many of us!

I wish you more and more better days! You deserve it!

 

@Altostrata: I'd love to see a sun shine in this thread!😊

[Smartsauce]

On 1/30/2019 at 12:20 AM, cantbe said:

Hi Shane I just want to say I'm there with you. I'm 3 months off the antipsychotic Abilify injection and I also feel nothingness, emptiness, numbness. My interests, desires, motivation, pleasures gone. I just couldn't care about things I used to. I try to like things but my brain just doesn't care. Like you I suffer from poor sleep. Since abilify I keep having shallow sleep with vivid dreams and I wake multiple times a night. Among those I also suffer from sexual dysfunction. Zero libido. It's like I lost myself. My depression has lifted unlike the first 2 months where I couldn't imagine what was happening to me. Now I'm just an empty person. I'm only 29 and can't imagine 40-50 years more of this.

Hi its been a while now, how is ur symptoms now, espescially anhedonia. Is it gone?

On 4/27/2019 at 3:40 PM, Shane88L said:

Last night I laughed. I truly laughed and it surprised me so much I almost started crying.. It felt so good to just laugh! 

Just something I wanted to write so I wouldn't forget.

 

Every day is an uphill struggle, but it is getting easier, gradually. 

 

 

 

How has it been after all these months? are u recovered?

On 5/2/2019 at 5:31 PM, VincentV said:

I can really relate to what you're saying Shane. I also have the dissociation, anxiety and anhedonia. Like you things are very slowly improving.

 

Hang in there pal.

hey, is ur anhedonia fixed after all these months or do you still struggle?

[Altostrata]

@Shane88L, how are you doing?

[Shane88L]

Hello @Altostrata, hello everyone!

I'm doing well enough, thanks for asking. I am still having vivid dreams every night which seem less imaginative than the once were, and now they seem to be more scenes of moments in my life, such as events of the previous day. It may not seem like such a big deal, but I often get confused between events in reality and those that appear in my dreams - Things I say or even actions taken I will mistake from time to time, and this can upset me, especially when I'm feeling low.

 

I have learned a lot, together with my wife who has been with me through it all, and I do feel like life is getting better, even with the strange dreaming each night.

 

Dp/Dr has, from what I have learned recently, been with my for most of my life, as I have recovered memories recently of being a small boy and having many panic attacks due to dp/dr related feeling and thoughts - The drugs didn't cause dp/dr I have learned. They just seem to have triggered it. It isn't a big problem for me now.

 

Ringing ears seems to be improving also.

 

I don't think I will ever be fully healed from the drugs and cumulative damage caused by traumatic events in my life, but I do believe that I will get to a stage in life where I feel relaxed being in my own body and experience more joy than pain. What I desire more than all else, and lose patience over a lot, is to forgive myself fully for the mistakes I have made in my life. 

 

All the best,

 

Shane

[hayduke]

Great to hear your healing journey is well underway Shane.

 

I used to be merciless on myself for what I saw as bad decisions.  Have been working on self care for some years now which is fun!  I found that self forgiveness just logically and intuitively followed once I realised what that trauma had done to my baseline state.  Emotions and cognition synced up for good.

 

Dreams are a gold mine...do you ever listen to the This Jungian Life podcast?  Those guys are all over it.

 

Cheers

[PsychologicalSafe15]

@Shane88L HOw are your dreams ?

[Naomi007]

thank you for sharing your journey

I am presently on 0.97.5 Olanzapine and it is hell

 

I am hopeful one day I will get off and heal fully

You are an inspiration

Thank you so much

[BelaLugosi]

On 12/20/2018 at 8:36 PM, Shane88L said:

I'm over 3 months into my withdrawals now.
This is/has been the hardest thing I've ever/am still going through in my life. I have lost myself. I question reality every day now. My feelings are merely fleeting shadows of what they once were. I am a walking piece of meat. I feel my soul has disappeared. 
Everyday, I wake from a sleep of nightmares which are far more real than this waking life is. 
Where has love gone?? What is it to feel...? How did I live my life up until this point, so... devoid of this torture?
Without emotions, humans are, essentially, the walking dead - condemned to a tortured existence until death releases us.
Existential thoughts plague me constantly. There is no rest for me, no respite from this torment. 
I don't panic anymore despite a constant free-floating anxiety. Panic has left me also, despite this hellish semi-existence. 
Derealization and Depersonalization with existential thoughts are with me 24/7. As is a deep, deep depression. I cannot imagine what it was like for me before this experience. I feel like I'll never be the same.

Why do we exist? To suffer? 
 

thank you! one  of the closest  descriptions to my situation  I've read. sertrAline and olanzapine too

[BelaLugosi]

@Shane88L can you do a new update on the existencial aspect? I love your writing through all this topic..❤

[Shane88L]

Hello everyone,

 

It has been a while since I've written any updates here, but I have been visiting now and again. I hope everyone is doing well.
I just felt like I needed some support, so I have decided to update.

I have got covid and this is day 7, and my wife is on day 11 (she has tested negative today).

I feel very depressed and anxious - A constant nausea in my stomach, and I am feeling very weak overall. 
I was wondering whether this depression/anxiety is affecting others in a similar situation and how they are coping with it. I feel very vulnerable and teary...
I'm worried about long-term depression/anxiety due to covid since hearing about long covid as this depression/anxiety hit out of the blue a few days ago...
 

Shane.

[Shane88L]

Night 8 - I have very odd, metallic smells when I take a breath in (I smell cut, old grass everywhere it seems) 

I feel not myself... I am sweating a lot, my face turns red, I have feelings of dread, I wake up after a very shallow sleep sweating and feeling anxious, my brain feels "hot" or tingling... 

I am very tired, but just can't rest...

I am trying to tell myself that I am safe and ok...

[guile2]

Hope you feel better soon. I was on 15mg of olanzapine for 3 years then 20mg for 1 year. Im now successfully(i think) on 5.35mg. 

 

So if youve been having a lot of withdrawal symptoms after one month of being on 2.5 -5mg im thinking mines going to be pretty severe when i get to the lower doses. 

 

Anyway if you need a friend im available. 

 

(I dont doubt that this drug is eeextremely horrible. My sincere empathy goes out to you and your situation)

[guile2]

1 hour ago, Guile1 said:

Hope you feel better soon. I was on 15mg of olanzapine for 3 years then 20mg for 1 year. Im now successfully(i think) on 5.35mg. 

 

So if youve been having a lot of withdrawal symptoms after one month of being on 2.5 -5mg im thinking mines going to be pretty severe when i get to the lower doses. 

 

Anyway if you need a friend im available. 

 

(I dont doubt that this drug is eeextremely horrible. My sincere empathy goes out to you and your situation)

Srry i went too long to edit... wasnt trying to minimize your hell of withdrawal in the last message, just thinking mines also going to be really terrible when i get to lower doses since ive been taking the drug at high doses for 6+ years. 

 

I really feel for your situation and it occured to me when i read your posts that you sounded like somebody i would be friends with. 

[FireflyFyte]

15 hours ago, Shane88L said:

I am trying to tell myself that I am safe and ok...

 

You are safe, and will be OK, but that can be difficult to accept in the midst of an event like having COVID. I am sorry that both you and your wife are going through this currently but we are here to support you as we can.

[Shane88L]

On 1/3/2023 at 2:27 PM, FireflyFyte said:

 

You are safe, and will be OK, but that can be difficult to accept in the midst of an event like having COVID. I am sorry that both you and your wife are going through this currently but we are here to support you as we can.

Thank you for your support. This is such an anxiety-inducing time... My wife can't smell or taste anything since she got covid, soon coming up on 3 weeks ago... 

[Shane88L]

On 1/3/2023 at 2:19 PM, Guile1 said:

Srry i went too long to edit... wasnt trying to minimize your hell of withdrawal in the last message, just thinking mines also going to be really terrible when i get to lower doses since ive been taking the drug at high doses for 6+ years. 

 

I really feel for your situation and it occured to me when i read your posts that you sounded like somebody i would be friends with. 

Hello! Thank you for your message  I hated how those tablets affected me... It was a bumpy road, and I am not sure if I am yet fully healed (coming up to 5 years off olanzapine once this October arrives) I'll be here to listen when/if you need.

[Shane88L]

Night 10 of covid (the second double line was barely visible but it was there, so I guess that means that I'm still testing positive).

Definitely not feeling myself...